Jono, Ben & Megan - The Podcast - June 17 - Paul Sinha, Jono Won The Lotto, Does Your Name Suit Your Profession?

Episode Date: June 17, 2020

What did Ben's friend eat?The A To Z of New ZealandDoes your name suit your profession?Paul Sinha called inSpyListener Barb gave us some feedback on the showJono's house is a warzoneShould you intervene in your partner's plastic surgery?Our cardboard cutout has been kidnappedScrolling Through Your FeedJono won the lottoControversial CalloutsAn intervention on Ben's mumbling SpySee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

La la la la, la la la la, you good? Just when you thought you couldn't get enough of Jono and Ben, you can have them anywhere, anytime. Welcome to the Jono and Ben podcast. Welcome to the podcast on a Wednesday and we just finished the radio show, I'm a little bit rattled. Why are you rattled mate, what's going on? Well you know, you were part of it. We didn't just, no it's been an hour since we finished the radio show. We've gone and got a coffee. I've got coffee breath.

I'm trying to dramatise this up. Yeah, well, I can't remember what happened that left you so rattled. The cardboard cutouts. Oh, yeah, now I'm rattled. I wasn't rattled. Now you've rattled me. You've gone. I've become unrattled.

I mean, they're not gone. You'll discover what happened to them on the podcast. I'm rattled. I can tell because you're not making any sense. They have gone. I just wanted a tease so people would hear the podcast. Carpool Cutout is travelling the country and if they make it back to the

Hit Studio, thanks to you, the listeners, transporting them. It's a game of trust. We'll give away $5,000 but some scoundrel, some scallywag after no good shenanigans has uh taken it upon himself to kidnap them yeah so the couple cutouts uh hopefully we'll be back tomorrow but in the meantime you can enjoy the podcast is it well producer juliet juju mildew

our millennial producer has left her uh lucas pawpaw ointment here is it wrong is it ill moral of me to use this on my lips yeah what. What if I just get my finger across it? So I screwed it up. Nah, because you don't know if she's a straight lip. I like my lips to be moist chapped. Well, you need to get some. You always moan about it, but I've never seen you once bring your own bloody stuff. You're always like, my lips are so dry.

Well, there is things you can do about it. Now here's a question. The chapped lips. Is the chapstick fixing the chap? So are cracked lips, is that chapping? I don't know. I don't know. Or is the actual product chapstick?

That's a good question. Well, if someone knows that. And if I've got chapped lips, are my chaps moisturised or are my chaps lips cracked? Anyway, enjoy the podcast. More chat letters. Stop trying to wrap me up. The Songy Corn Flakes of Radio. It's Jono and Ben on the hits.

I threw it out there saying you'd never guess what my friend accidentally ate. Is this a new game show? Should we get some game show music? Oh, I could get some game show music if you want to. You got some game show music? Thank you, producer. She's your good. Well, my friend accidentally ate is the name of the game show.

And so do we all get to have a guess? You can have a guess. And on the text that's coming through, you can read those out as well if you want. Did he eat a kākāpō? No. Would you eat a kākāpō? No. Native bird?

No. You don't know that they don't taste good, though. This is the thing. Yeah, but they're native birds, so no. No, I wouldn't. Would you eat a cat? No. Some people eat cats.

Yeah, well, that's, yeah, yeah. I always find it really interesting as to what countries go, oh, it's okay to eat this, but it's not okay to eat that. Like, we frown upon cat digestion. Yeah. Don't you? And then we're out there, you know, some people eating rabbits, some people eating dogs.

Yeah, yeah. So it's all, yeah. Well, then some countries, they don't eat cows, but we, jeez, we love a cow. Yeah. We love a cow in New Zealand, don't we? Okay, so it's not a kākāpō. Did he eat a literal horse?

Was he as hungry as a horse? No, not as hungry as a horse. What's on the text machine? Any guesses? We've got a couple of calls. Oh, have we? Liz, come on in from Auckland. Welcome to New Zealand's Breakfast New Game Show. Guess what Ben's friend ate. What do you think he ate, Liz? It's going to be something disappointed like toast or something at the end of it,

guys. Are you there, Liz? Hi. What did he ate, Liz? It's going to be something disappointed like toast or something at the end of it, guys. Are you there, Liz? Hi. What did he eat, Liz? I think he ate a can of pepper. A can of pepper? No, but good guess, good guess. I always respect people who are like, look at me, I'm having a champ dog roll.

I could not do it. I've got a very weak digestive system. Very sensitive, much like me. Melanie's on the phone from Te Puke. Welcome to New Zealand's Breakfast, Mel. Good morning. Guess what, much like me. Melanie's on the phone from Te Puke. Welcome to New Zealand's breakfast, Mel. Good morning. Guess what Ben's friend ate? The anticipation is building. I shouldn't build it up this much, but anyway. A dog biscuit.

Oh, another pet food one. No, I'm sorry, you're wrong. Okay, so we've got one more. The phones are flooded. This is the most popular thing we've ever done. Annalise, guess what Ben's friend ate? Ainsley, sorry. Polystyrene.

Oh, polystyrene. No, he didn't ask anything. Can I just ask, how did you end up with polystyrene? Like the fake fruits and stuff. Oh, yeah. It's very specific material you've guessed there. No, not. What was it?

Well, my friend, I'll tell you the back story. He's in a new relationship. I'm really proud of him, honestly. And this lady's got a couple of kids to her previous marriage, and he's sort of going there and making the best of the situation. You know my real dad. He'll get that later in life. Yeah, they're pretty young at the moment.

But he had a wee moment in the weekend where he was sitting on the bed and his new partner was getting ready in the bathroom, the en suite bathroom, and he was just sort of being nosy, looking through some drawers next to the bed. And he found a little plastic container and it had a little bit of dried meat in the thing that he thought it was biltong. He thought it was dried meat.

And he was like, oh, there's a little plastic container. I'll open this up and pop that in my mouth. You know, it's biltong, a little bit of a snack. And he started eating it and he was like, oh, there's a little plastic container. I opened this up and popped that in my mouth. You know, it's a biltong, a little bit of a snack. And he started eating it and he was like, oh, that's a bit weird. But ate it all the same.

Don't swallow. Okay. And then when she came back out, he was like, oh, that biltong tasted a bit funny. Was it off? She was like, oh no,

that was my son's umbilical cord. Oh, ugh. And then she came out and he had, ugh, and he accidentally, he was like, I'm so sorry,

but I've just eaten it. Who leaves random biltong in their bedside drawer? You never know when you want to wake up and have some biltong. Some salted dried meat, three in the morning. That's what I'm yearning for. I was like, why did you just eat that without asking?

But anyway, so now he's digested someone else's umbilical cord oh well that's what did he say was it chewy well he said it didn't taste good it was like but then he stuck with it

he stuck he just sort of yeah it wasn't it wasn't big so he just kind of went oh just just swallowed that down but nothing's more

you know unsettling than a tiny piece of random meat in a plastic container in a drawer I don't know why he thought it was built on it wasn't even labelled built on there was no there Yeah, I don't know why he thought it was Biltong. It wasn't even labelled Biltong.

No. There was no marketing, no branding. No, he just thought it was dried meat. But anyway, that's what my friend ate. Remember to double pump the Virgals. It's Jono and Ben on the hits. The A to Z of New Zealand. We are ringing every town and place in New Zealand.

We do one a day. We do it alphabetically. And it's going to take us over two years to call every town and place. Yeah, today we are heading to Bell Block, which is a town in Taranaki. Taranaki, hardcore. And Bell Block is hardcore. 5,000 people live in the town, and it's a knockout.

The men will knock you out. The women will knock you out. The children will knock you out. Even the babies will knock you out. In fact, the people of Bell Block are so tough. When they tell the time, they literally are telling the time what time it is. That's how tough they are.

They decide what time it is in Bellblock. I see what you mean. I'm with you now. And then after they've told you the time, they'll knock you out. Okay. Let's find out if that's all true. We'll go through to Bellblock. Good morning, Bell Block. Super Value. Oh, here she is.

What's your name? Margaret. Margaret. Jonathan and Benjamin here from The Hits. Hi. We're calling from the radio station because we're calling every town and city in New Zealand. Okay.

And Margaret, you are the bell of Bell Block. When I say bell, B-E-L-L-E. Oh, yes. Yeah. It's better written down, but anyway, we thought we'd call you and find out about Bellblock. Find out about Bellblock? Yeah. Ding dong, the bells are ringing, Margaret. You're the face of Bellblock,

and I imagine it's a wonderful face. Yes. What am I picking? I'm picking a couple of eyes. A couple of eyes? Yeah, you're running some bars. We're trying to guess what Margaret looks like. Is that what we're doing?

It's like, guess who? A pair of glasses on, Margaret. Yes, I probably am. Yeah, got glasses on. Why are you guessing she's got glasses on? A trendy brunette bob. No. Okay.

What are you running? Yeah, I'm actually at work. I can't do this filthy talk on the phone. Hey, Margaret, before we let you get back to your job without us annoying you, tell us about Bell Block. What can we do there? What's one thing we need to do? What's one thing you need to do?

Well, we've got the walkway coming down past us. Hey, you can't just promote a footpath. We've got a footpath. I said a walkway. Oh, sorry, a walkway. Thank you, Jonathan. Very scenic. Oh, lovely. Very coastal.

The beach is right next to the beach. Yes, we're right on the beach. And you go for a dip every now and then, Margaret? I'm a bit past that No, it's not for me What do we need to do once we get there? Where do we stay? Where do you stay? Well, I guess you'd stay in New Plymouth

Probably not in Bell Block Oh, we were fishing for a night at your house Oh, were you there? Okay, well they've got a footpath Which they're masquerading as a walkway And they're next to the beach And they've got a footpath, which they're masquerading as a walkway, and they're next to the beach. And they've got a super-value supermarket and super people. Yes, indeed.

And as they say in Bell Block, what do they say in Bell Block? Goodbye. What a wonderful sign-off. You have a great day in Bell Block. You too. Beautiful language, that Bell Block language. Serving bowls of lulz for breakfast. Actual lulz may not be served.

It's Jono and Ben on the heads. Wonderful to have you with us around the breakfast table, in the car, on the bus, wherever you are. Many locations that you could be listening to the radio, and that's why it's such a versatile medium. It's with you wherever you go. On the iHeartRadio app as well, this is New Zealand's breakfast. Now, yesterday, after the show,

we were looking at potentially getting some web design done, a website started, and we came across a lady with the best name, we thought, for a web designer. Yeah, we're diversifying our portfolio into human trafficking, so we thought we should get a professional website just so people can pick the humans they want to traffic. No, that's not the arm.

We can get them for a competitive market rate. I said no to that business. But anyway, Sarah Webb, I think, joins us on the phone right now. How's it going, Sarah? Oh, hi. Good morning, guys. I'm good, thank you. Welcome to New Zealand's Breakfast, Sarah.

Now, Sarah Webb, you just tell us what you do for a profession. So funnily enough, I actually create websites. So I do web design. And her surname's Web. Did you feel obligated that you're going to end up in web design? I always thought I was going to do design, but I guess the surname just kind of made it a good fit really, didn't it? So, you know, who could do otherwise, really?

You didn't pick your profession based on your surname. It was more for the love of the profession, less about the surname. Well, Sarah Web Design is a great name, you know? Yeah. Oh, thank you, guys. Thanks very much. You know, I do a bit of corporate branding and web design. And, yeah, I actually get quite a few people commenting and say,

oh, that's, you know, what a convenient surname. That is very convenient. We recognise that. So, yeah. Well, we're going to get in touch with you about our business. We're diversifying into human trafficking. No, I'm not. And we wanted a professional website, Sarah.

Sarah doesn't do... Fantastic, guys, anytime. She'll do a website for anything. Sarah Web Design, there you go. The best name for someone that makes, creates web pages. Thank you so much for your time, Sarah. You go and have a wonderful Wednesday. Awesome, thanks, guys.

You too. All right, matey. Yeah, that's what we want to open up right now 0800 the hits does your name suit your profession like if we were called

Ben Hitz and Jono Radio that would be ideal now that would be or maybe your name is Hamish Parking Warden and you go around issuing tickets to cars

that have overstayed their welcome I was always destined to be a parking warden give us a call now 0800 the hits 4487 on the text does your name suit your profession issuing tickets to cars that have overstayed their welcome. I was always destined to be a parking warden. Yeah. Give us a call now. 0800 the hits, 4487 on the text. Does your name suit your profession?

Stacey, you're on the air. Welcome, mate. Hello. Does your name suit your profession? What's your profession? So I work in a car rental agency. Okay. And what's your name?

My last name is Car. Stacey Car. That's brilliant. And it's great. It's a great opening line for some banter, isn't it, with the customers, with your colleagues? Yeah. Customers love it. Colleagues just give me shit for it every day.

But yeah, it's great. And we love it too. You know what? We love it because it's filled in some airtime on our show. Thank you, Stacey Car. Let's go to Uakuni. Shalina. Hello. Let's go to Uakuni. Shalina. Hello. Your name suits your profession. Yeah.

Okay, I'll take your word for it. Thanks for your call. Appreciate it. Great to have you. What's your name? Shalina. And what do you do? The cleaner.

Oh, Shalina the cleaner. Oh, that works well, yeah. It's like Bob the Builder, the alliteration's perfect. Yeah, Selina the cleaner. Oh, that works well, yeah. It's like Bob the Builder, the alliteration's perfect. Yeah, that's good. Yeah. I tell you what, Selina, you could have turned your radio down at any point, but I don't think we should. I love it.

No, I like it. I love being able to hear myself twice. It's great. You have a great day, Selina. Thank you so much for your call. Arba, you're on the air. Welcome to the show. Does your name suit your profession?

Yes. What do you do, Arba? I're on the air Welcome to the show Does your name suit your profession? Yes What do you do Arba? I'm a barber Oh, that works really well Yes Did you feel obligated that you'd end up there? Do you know? No, not really No Ben, he didn't go

My name's Arba so I should become a barber I don't think anyone has made that professional decision I would Do you use it as a marketing tool? I've got it as a name on my business. Oh, that's the name. It's Arbor the Barber. Whereabouts is your business?

Give it a plug. New Plymouth, Fitzroy. Oh, nice. A lot of barbers, isn't there? Arbor's Fitzroy Barbers. Arbor's Fitzroy Barbers. I found there's an excess of barbers around. People like to get in the hair cut just because you can't. I live literally around the corner from my house. There'sroy Barbers. I found there's an excess of barbers around. People like it in the hair car just because you can't.

I live down literally around the corner from my house. There's four barbers within a 50-metre radius of each other. Eggs for breakfast. It's Jono and Ben on the hits. Now, The Chase is a massive TV show all over the world, very popular in New Zealand, and there's a new spin-off show called Beat the Chases. It's coming to TVNZ1 Sunday 28th of June at 8.30pm.

Contestants are trying to beat all five chasers who are together for the first time to win big cash prizes. And at 5.30 this morning, given the UK time difference, we caught up with Paul Sinner, the cinnamon. Hello. Well, this is a crystal clear line. It's not often you get a clear line like this to the United Kingdom. It's not often in the United Kingdom you get a clear line to my phone.

I don't know what magic's going on across the world. Do you feel pressure, Paul, every time you go somewhere? People must ask you, you know, general knowledge questions. What happens every time I go somewhere? And it's been three and a half months since I've actually been anywhere. So, I don't know.

You don't know? Have you been in your house for three months, Paul? No, it's not that. Although it feels like that. It's more the fact that nobody's recognised me in the small number of excursions I'm made to buy essential shops. And you're wearing a mask. And I'm wearing a mask. But it's not pressure.

I enjoy it. I think that people should embrace the minor irritation that would come with celebrity and enjoy it. I don't really mind. It's just the question is that always, they always feel that they triumph if they're asked

as much as you don't know. Yeah. I can say to you now what's gone is my dad and if you didn't know what's gone is my dad, I'm not going to go what is my dad.

Paul Sinner, what am I thinking about right now? You're thinking about the fact that Once Were Warriors is an underrated film and should be on telly more often.

Oh, jeez, he's good. He is. He is good. I was actually just thinking that. We've got Paul Stunner with us. There's a new show, Spinning Off the Chasers. It's called Beat the Chasers. Paul, you were originally a doctor.

Well, not originally a doctor. No, I was originally a baby, then a small child, then a teenager, then a medical student. There was a period when I was a doctor. Thank you for talking us through that. As a doctor, what do you make of this whole pandemic? When do you think the UK is going to get out of it? Because I don't want to throw stones

because a couple of your types came over here and now we've got two cases and we had zero. Yeah, I apologise on behalf of the nation. What can I say? As a former doctor, my main thing that I think about when it comes to comedy, I'm glad I'm a former doctor because otherwise I'd be having to deal with this myself.

Paul Sinner with us. A new show, a spin-off show from The Chasers. Beat The Chasers, about to start on TVNZ. Paul, you married your boyfriend, Oliver, and you were single for 23 years. Did you ever think you were going to find love after 23 years of being a bachelor? No, but I definitely thought if I was going to marry anyone,

I ought to be my boyfriend. I think that's the polite thing to do. Yeah, seems like a natural lead-on. Like becoming a baby doctor. Yeah. But genuinely, and then I got drunk on Christmas Day and I said will you marry me? And he looked shocked and thought I was joking and thought I'd brought out a ring.

And then he said yes, because he's just too polite to say no. He's hating the marriage. This is the route by which I ended up married to a man that I'm sort of in love with. It's great. As you probably may or may not know,

it was interrupted by awful news about me getting Parkinson's disease. And one of the docs said, you've got Parkinson's disease. I thought, oh. But when I was in New Zealand last year, that's when I realised I had Parkinson's. I actually fell on the short walk to the Classic Comedy Club and the Block of Flats Hotel

and I went onto a website that tells you whether your fall is neurology or alcohol related called TripAdvisor. And they told me that, and that's when I kind of realised. It's great to know that even doctors Google the symptoms. Hey, Paul, before we go, as we mentioned before, you've got the new show, Beat the Chasers, with all five chasers together for the first time.

My dad, Kevin Boyce, he's a big fan. It's 5.30 in the morning in New Zealand. I don't know if he... Well, he's definitely not awake. I don't know if he'll answer his phone, but can we call him right now and see if we can wake him up having you on the phone? As long as he doesn't mind being called,

as long as it's medically safe for your dad to be rung up at 5.30 in the morning. Yes, yeah. It's medically safe. Has he got any issues? No, no. No previous conditions? Let's give him a...

I gave him a text the other day. What's his name? Kevin. He's a massive fan. Every time he comes to stay, we have to watch the chase, and so he'll be very excited about Beat the Chasers, but maybe not as excited at 5.30 in the morning.

Hello? Kevin Boyce, it's your dad. You're half asleep. It's your son, Ben. I'm with Jono. Yeah. I'm sorry to call you so... Jeez, Kev, you woke up quickly. Sorry to call you so early in the morning. We have someone that wanted to say hello to you. To me? To you!

Are you there? Yep, you. Are you there? Yep, yep. Are you there, the other person on the line? Who's the other person on the line? The surprise guest that we had planned to surprise you with. He's gone very quiet. Paul, were you there? Hello?

Oh, yes. Dad, Kevin, this is Paul Sinner from The Chase. Good morning, good afternoon, or evening, Paul. Good evening. How are you? Well, this is just how I imagined it. I understand you're excited about Beavis. You're a big fan.

Is this how you pictured it going, Ben? Can you hear me? I don't know if he can hear you. Are you there? Can you hear me? This is not quite how I pictured it going. But, Dad, it's one of your heroes from TV, Paul Sutter. Yes, absolutely. Well, that's all right.

No, no. I had to get up to answer the phone. Thank you. Cheers. All the best. It was really nice to talk to you. Absolutely Well that's alright No no It's alright I had to get up To answer the phone Thank you Cheers all the best It was really nice To talk to you

We can't wait For the TV show And hopefully You can come back To New Zealand Very soon We'd love to see you Doing stand up comedy

Here again Let's wait Until the reputation Of British people In your country They've been tarnished Over the last 24 hours No it wasn't their fault

The health system Signed off on it But you can catch Beat the Chasers Coming soon to TVNZ1. Yeah, that's so. When Ellen brings out celebrities to surprise people, she does it a lot more flawlessly, doesn't she? A lot less fumbling and talking over.

It's like a big moment. Everyone's like, oh, wow, this is awesome. The thought was there, and that's the main thing. We kind of connected to people with a phone line that didn't. Anyway, we did something. Want more Jono and Ben? You can catch up, we did something. Want more Jono and Ben? You can catch up with the boys anytime. Just search Jono and Ben on Facebook.

Spy. Know what's up. Spy.co.nz. If a celebrity's been in jail or had an internet fail, she'll be sure to roast them in a savage fashion. Juju, a spy. Thank you very much. Now, when you guys were hosting your TV show,

was there ever a point where you decided to take your shoes and socks off and just pop your grubby feet up on the desk? No, we did some pretty low things. I'm not much of a bare feet walker. Do you like wandering around public in bare feet? I used to a lot more. Now, not so much these days. I know.

Then the germs start to get in your head, don't you? Why? Who's got their filthy feet? Well, Delta Goodrum, she's one of the hosts or the judges on The Voice, and she, mid-blind auditions, just took off her heels, put her feet up on the desk, and everyone's roasting her because she's got such grubby feet. Just look at her feet.

They are very grubby. Oh, they are filthy. Was she wearing shoes? I don't know. Under those. Yes, well, she was. Oh, so she had just been wandering around the set with bare feet, like walking into the lavatory and things like that.

Well, she probably was wandering around bare feet before the recording, taping started, and then she's like, put the shoes on and then took them off again. Jesus was a, she needs Jesus. He was a big washer of feet, didn't he? That was his big thing, washing feet. Yeah, he was washing bloody prostitutes' feet, didn't he? Yeah. I don't know, you're the one prostitute's feet, wasn't he? Yeah.

I don't know. You're the one that goes to church. I'm glad you've been paying attention. And Jimmy Kimmel has been announced that he is going to be hosting the 2020 Emmy Awards again. This would be his third year doing it. He said he doesn't know where they're going to do it or how they're going to do it, but it's happening.

It's going ahead. It's meant to be happening in September. Oh, September. Yeah, because Oscars have been delayed until like a few months next year, but yeah, next year or something. Yeah, so unless they do it virtually, I'm not really sure.

And also Jeremy Clarkson, he's opened up about the early days of Top Gear and said that him and his co-hosts were forced to pay the audience members to stay during the recording because apparently they'd just get bored and they'd be like, oh no, here's a tenner quickly. We just need you in the back of the shop. Please just stay because halfway apparently they'd just get bored and they'd be like oh no, here's a tenner, quickly, we just need you

in the back of the shop, please just stay because halfway through they'd just be like, eh. I want to go home because it was a big cold warehouse, wasn't it, where they shot Top Gear? That's right. And there was no seating, they just had to awkwardly stand behind them. We used to, our TV show, we used to, it was free to come along and watch, but we used to give them

free alcohol as well. Really? And it was always one of those things. Yeah, it was a good night out for people, apart from the show, because they'd get free alcohol. It was good, but then when the things

would get quiet, they'd be like, gotta get her more booze, get her more booze. And we're like, maybe it was just our bad jokes. Maybe that was the reason why people were not laughing.

The plan was to get them so intoxicated, they woke up the next morning and forgot what they'd done the night before. So they couldn't remember what terrible thing they'd witnessed.

Not let them go to the bathroom for ages. That's right. Let the people go to the bathroom. Like a form of torture, wasn't it? It was. Have six beers, but you can't go to the toilet. And stay to the end of the show. Yeah, like it would get to the point where people were heckling us.

Yeah. You don't know anything. Okay, well, you need to go now. Yeah. Mum, you've had enough, Mum. Yeah, that was just my mum. Go get some water. You are an embarrassment.

Just like a chocolate milkshake, only white and disappointing. It's Jono and Ben on the hits. It's not good when you're disorganised in the morning, is it? No. I always get flustered. Quite easy. Even if I'm a minute or two late, it puts your whole day up the clinker. It does, you're right.

This is relatable stuff. Everyone's run late at some point in their life. People listening right now are running late. Yeah, and I'm just rubbing salt into the wounds, aren't I? Now, this show started a couple of months ago, and week one we got some feedback from a lady named Barb. Pull no punches feedback, wasn't it? I always kind of know how the chefs and the contestants feel on My Kitchen Rules when they hand their meals over to that crazy

Pete guy to judge the anticipation. And Barb, she was a bit unsure about our show and yesterday we had a segment where your daughter Sienna she phoned up Newstalk ZB. I'm looking at building a one bedroom home for myself. I want to move out and live in this house if my parents won't let me

watch TikTok and keep making me do my homework. I'm only 10. Do you think it's too early to be building my dream home? No, I think go with your dreams. If you've got a plan, go for it. We thought that was, you know, it was a good radio segment, a solid radio segment.

Peter Wolfkamp on Newstalk ZB enjoyed it. He gave building advice over. He entertained her. Yeah. And Barb wanted to give some feedback on that. And I understand. Hopefully, Producer Humphrey's got her on the phone. Hello, who's this?

It's Barb Jacker. Who is this? Hello, Barb Jacker. It's Jonathan Richard Pryor and Benjamin Ross Boyce. Oh, really? John O'Bear from The Hits. Okay, why are you calling me? Okay, Barbara, we received some savage feedback,

some criticism from you yesterday that we wanted to address, Barbara. Oh, really? Over the text, if you'd like to relay your feedback. Some criticism from you yesterday that we wanted to address, Barbara. Oh, really? Over the text, if you'd like to relay your feedback. Was it the feedback about you dipping your tools into things or was it your feedback about using children to improve your ratings? How many times have you offered feedback? Now is it savage, Ben? Okay, maybe. It sounded a little savage.

I can't even remember talking about dipping my tool into anything. Yeah, that's a sad story, isn't it? It was a relation to getting my daughter, Sienna, to make our prank call for us. And if I could steal your wonderful dialogue here, Barbara, because I've got it in front of me. Oh, guys, you've dug a trench without an exit ramp. Using cute children to boost ratings. It's a slippery slope downhill.

What's next? Dog stories? Question mark? Barb. If you remember when you first started on this show, I said to you that I was an avid listener from the pre-DJs. Yeah, we don't mention their names.

Ben doesn't like it when you mention Tony Street, he gets all sweaty. It's like Voldemort on Harry Potter, we don't mention their names. Ben doesn't like it when you mention Tony Street. He gets all sweaty. It's like Voldemort on Harry Potter. You can't mention their name. And you were, let's say, on borrowed time. It's a slippery slope, Barbara, as you said in your text. Barbara said, I'll see how we go. So we're calling for our performance appraisal,

our update. How's things going, Barbara? Are we middling or where are we? Actually, you're doing pretty well. And I have to say, I listen less because I have changed my walking routine. And I only get to hear you between 7.30 and 8 because that's my normal in-the-car time. Oh, prime time, baby, prime time. Yes, and you do make me laugh on the way to work.

So you're doing pretty well, actually, guys. Are we still on borrowed time, Barb? Are we still? Let's say that that's you. Let's put an exit slope in that trench. No more. Barb doesn't want any more callous use of children, okay? No more dog chat.

Wasn't he brilliant? He showed such respect for your daughter and the way that he listened to her and responded to her. I was really impressed. He did, actually. He took it a lot more seriously than I thought he was going to. That's a proper radio announcer for you, Barb. Yes, there could be a lesson in that, guys.

Barb, I love you. Thank you so much. Someone has to keep you on your toes. You do. Now, I do have a bone to pick because you were going to send me some tickets for the movies and I haven't got them yet. And it could be the post

or it could be... I love it when something like this happens. Everyone on the team starts pointing at people next door. And everyone's pointing. All hands are pointing to producer Humphrey. Yeah, Humphrey's like,

oh, the post is a shocker. He's pointing hands the other way. Juliet's pointing hands. Ben's pointing hands at me. As you can see, I'm getting envelopes and stamps out from the cupboard. Oh, wow. Okay, then I'm definitely listening tomorrow.

Yeah, good. Thank you so much. She keeps teasing us, doesn't she? You have a great day, Barb. We appreciate you sticking with us for a little bit. You're welcome. Nice to talk to you guys. See you, Barb. Hey, you've got toothpaste on the side of your mouth. It's Jono and Ben on my heads. I am living in constant fear of my life at home at the moment.

My home is a war zone. Oh, really? I don't know if you're familiar with the popular game Fortnite. Yes. I'm saying it like an old man. Fortnite? Fortnite, the thing, you're going to say the Facebook now. The Instagram I hear is taking off as well nowadays.

I know, but Fortnite. So it's basically, you know, you go and my son plays it, Oscar plays it, and he can play with his friends, and they go around, you know, fun with guns. Kids will love it, especially probably about a year ago, a year or two ago, it was like the most popular game on the planet, right? Yeah, but he plays it at full noise, and it sounds like I'm living in the goddamn Gaza Strip.

This is what I wake up to on a Sunday morning. I feel like I'm under attack and Corporal Willie Upyard is about to bounce out from under my coffee table. It's not the thing you want to wake up to, right? It gets better here. Do, do, do, do, do, do, do. And Mike McRoberts turned up at my house yesterday. up to, right? It gets better here. And Mike McRoberts turned up at my house yesterday. He was reporting live with a flat jacket on.

It's like, thanks guys, I'm here. That's war-torn zone. That's how you know you're in the middle of a war-torn zone, eh? So it was a bit of PTSD for me this morning after that. My wife Amanda, a few weeks back, I got a Spider-Man, the Spider-Man game on PlayStation.

And she was like, oh, why do you want to play Spider-Man? I was like, apparently it's a really good game. We should play it. And it was like Friday night and, you know, it was like, no one was really going out at the moment. So I was like, yeah, we'll play the game. She said, oh, alright. And then I'm tired. This is a wonderful impression of your wife. I don't feel like

this is going to come back to bite them at any stage today. Oh, we're going to play Spider-Man. This is what she was saying to me. I was like, oh, we'll give it a go. If we don't like it, we'll do something else. Started playing, and of course, we're doing the radio show at the moment. I'm like, oh, man, I'm so tired. I'm going to go to bed.

This is fun, but I'm going to go to bed, pick this up in the morning. I woke up at 3 in the morning. Lights are still on. My wife's out there. She's like, this is the greatest game ever. She's still playing PlayStation. She's like, I bought new suits for Spider-Man. I've been swinging off the Empire State

Building. I'm like, wow, she's just, she's hot. She's cheating on you with Peter Parker at three o'clock in the morning. So I was like, that's the last time we play that game anymore. So now I'm like, oh, Spider-Man. Now you're going to have to make up for it and go home in the Spider-Man suit, which shows all of your lumps and bumps. You know, I love

that on you. It's my favourite suit. You like that one, eh, Juju, when he wears that? It's so good. It's very moose knuckly in parts. It's more of a mouse knuckle, I like to say. New Zealand's breakfast. Just don't eat them, they're chewy. It's Jono and Ben on the hits.

Just listening in the news there, Ashley Bloomfield talking about the two people from England who have tested positive for COVID. You would have heard this yesterday. They were let out of isolation. On compassionate reasons because, very sadly, someone had passed away in their family. So they were let out.

They all signed off. They asked for it and we signed them off on it, right? And they drove from Auckland to Wellington, but Ashley Bloomfield was sort of rolled out in front of the wolves, wasn't he? And was ad-libbing a lot of his press conference. And he looks like a guy who would like facts and figures. He's a facts and figures guy. He wants to go out prepared.

And he was like, well, did they stop for a pee? Did they go to BP Go? Did they go and fill their car up? Did they stop at McDonald's? And he's like, oh, I don't know. See what they got there. How many, you're like, oh, yeah. He's like, they didn't stop.

They didn't fill up petrol, which, hmm. Can you drive a car from Auckland to Wellington on a tank of gas? Maybe someone listening has. 4487 on the text. There was an article today I saw in the New Zealand Herald. Basically, you've got to do things like not use the air con. So maybe they didn't use the air con. And travel at the speed limit. Obviously, not going

too fast. All those reasons may help you get there. Tire pressure would come into play as well. Conditions had to be perfect for you to make, and you just roll into Wellington on an empty tank down those hills. What are those hills? Yeah, the Rumataka.

The Rumataka hills. Just rolling into the city and you can make it there. But yeah, hey, good luck to them. Good luck to their recovery. Yeah. Good luck to the person who let them go. Oh, yeah, yeah.

No one wanted this, and I feel bad for everyone involved, but if you do want to protect yourself a little bit more, you can get yourself one of our works. This works. This is great, yeah, and this is because we actually had some excess masks left, so we need to get rid of the old stock. Are you sick and tired of having 100% of your face exposed?

Well, have we got the solution for you. The all-new Jono & Ben reusable face masks. Thanks to kindface.co.nz. All of the greatest people in the world have worn masks. Darth Vader, Catwoman, and the dude from Phantom of the Opera. So why don't you join them? But wait, there's more. The all-new reusable Jono & Ben face masks are ideal for keeping out pesky viruses,

smelling your own coffee breath, hiding cold sores and looking like a surgeon. But wait, there's more. Jono & Ben face masks also feature mildly amusing slogans like Excuse me, I have bad breath. I've got pash rash. Trust me, I'm smiling. And sorry, no kisses, I'm married. But wait, there's more.

Order your Jono and Ben face mask today and thanks to kindface.co.nz, we'll throw in no more free because you already got the first one for free, you tight ass. But wait, there's more. Oh, okay, there's no more. 4487 on the text if you want a Jono and Ben face mask thanks to kindface. There's no more. 4487 on the text. If you want to, Jono and Ben,

facemask. Thanks to kindface.co.nz. And just said, has anyone driven from Wellington to Auckland on one tank of gas? Yes, I did it in the V8 Holden. Now the text here says, my BMW 320 makes it there

and I travel on three quarters of a tank. So it's possible. It's possible. Oh, Bluefield. Well done. He did his research. We'll take that back. He's like, what can I say if they ask,

do they stop at a petrol station? Can you technically get from A to B with a tank of gas? Yes, okay. Morning, it's Jono and Ben on the hips. We're just talking, you know, driving from Wellington to Auckland as these tourists miraculously did who had coronavirus. One tank of gas, it can be done.

It can be done. We've been proved wrong there on the text machine and someone has also texted saying, I drove my Audi all-road turbo diesel from Wellington to Russell, literally from one end of the North Island to the other. Yeah, pretty much. There we go. Oh, gee, so everyone's getting them out and swinging now

as to who's driven the furthest, 4487 on the text. I'll take a guess. Look at me at the urinal of road travel. Now, joining us on the phone, we have a lovely lady from Whangaparoa, Fiona. Kia ora. Welcome to New Zealand's Breakfast. Thanks. It's great to have you on.

Now, Fiona, you reached out through, I don't know, what was your preferred method of communication? Electronic mail? Yeah, yeah. I do like to send emails. I'm an email fan as well. It's a useful tool. But you emailed us, and you've got a little bit of a dilemma in your relationship.

And by the way, Fiona's not your real name. Yeah, I was just going to say that. We've changed your name and changed your location, but that's okay. So what's going on? So my husband is a real estate agent. That's real. And, you know, looks are a big part of it.

You never want an argo selling you a house, do you? Well, you've got to look polished, right? Professional, yeah. And professional. And so he came home the other day and he'd had Botox before me and, you know, I haven't had it yet and it's something I think girls do. And I just feel like it's not really the right time, you know, I haven't had it yet, and it's something I think girls do, and I just feel like it's not really the right time, you know.

We're going through a recession to be spending such big money on such a vain thing because he didn't need it, and I don't know how to approach it with him without hurting his feelings. So what was your reaction when he came home and he was like, hey, I've got Botox today? What did you say?

That's nice. Oh, that's nice, but your I've got Botox today. What did you say? That's nice. But your true feelings are he didn't need it. Financially, you probably didn't need to be spending money on it at this time. No, I don't really want to spend any money on things that we don't need right now. This is why I got into radio. See, you do need to look good in real estate. And radio, look at me,

I'm sitting here like Voldemort at the back end of a five-day bender. No one's worried about me. We do have social videos that we can't cut around you, unfortunately. We try. No wonder our Facebook page is so bleak. It's my face's fault. But that's an interesting predicament because also, I guess,

on the flip side, if you go, hey, you look really good, you may enable him, you know, and then he's like, oh, I need to get more of this. I need to get my lips done. Yeah, you're probably in a difficult position. Yeah, no one ever stops when they should, you know? Like, look at Madonna. And, yeah, it's a slippery slope, right? You want to support him, but you don't want to, like, knock him back.

And it's his body, his choice, but obviously you guys are in a relationship together, and you're, oh, it's a tear. What do you do as a partner? Do you have the right to tell your loved one, hey don't get Botox. You don't need to get Botox and should they listen to you? I think they should at least take your opinion on board

Yeah if you're in a relationship. And then make a decision and do what they want at the end of the day that's how marriage works. I've listened to you now I'm going to do what I was going to do anyway Thank you for telling and now you've made it more awkward. I don't know how you feel. Well, thank you for your call, Fiona. Appreciate that.

The good news is if he's listening to this and he's a bit upset that you phoned the radio, you'll never be able to tell on his face. His face will look wonderful. Are you angry?

Are you surprised? I don't know because your face isn't moving right now. No, I appreciate your call. Thank you for sharing. Thanks, guys. Okay, 0800 The Hits, have you been in the same situation as Fiona? Do you have a right to tell your partner what they can and can't do with their face?

Yeah, do you intervene or do you let them be in this situation if you're in a relationship? 0800THEHITS is the phone number. Yeah, this is some deep relationship content here, Ben. I tell you what. Let's get deep next. Sink your teeth in. On the phone, Stuart, what do you reckon? Have you got a say in your partner's appearance?

I do. I actually had a similar thing happen to me where my partner came home with a bit of a botched boob job and I just said to her, you know, they looked better before and, I mean, we're not together anymore, but I'm glad I said it. And what was her reaction? Did she do anything to rectify the situation?

Well, there was a bit of screaming and, but no, she didn't rectify her situation, but yeah, that's how it went down. Who was the doctor, the botched doctor? Because I'd like to get Ben some cheap ones. I'm just looking, you know, street prices, you know.

Oh, that's the other thing. It was $20,000. Oh my God. Oh, jeez. Because I know a lot of people fly over to, or did pre-COVID, over to Thailand and whatnot. Yeah, that's a common one, eh? Because I think they get the whole spa and relaxation package in with it. We talked to a lady.

That's right. She flew over there, top level, got her chest done. She'd only gone over to get her chest done, but then as she was going down the lift, she's like, oh, there's other categories. And then kind of souped her body up as she went down the levels of this building. By the end, she

walked out like a plastic Barbie doll. She was like, oh, well, that got away on me. It's almost like the McDonald's drive-thru. You know how you go in there just wanting a cheeseburger, and by the end of it, you've got your Big Mac, your chips, and your thing situation. And then at the end of it,'ve got you've got your Big Mac, your chips and your thing situation. And then at the end of it you always regret it, don't you?

Yeah, well, no, but it's alright. If it makes you feel better, it makes you feel better, that's good. Yeah, okay. But the thing is, I'm too far gone. If I did it, I should have gone earlier in life, you know, where it's like you wouldn't notice the transition so much. It's like if I turned up now with Botox, you'd be like what happened, mate? You had

wrinkles on your forehead deeper than Cave Creek we'll wrap that up what was the result on that one what I love is this guy I was trying to wrap you up after what you just said but then I'm like oh I feel like

that's wrapping up eh that's cool time eh that's cool let's pull stuff it's time on that one guys we had a laugh we moved on we did we talked about some stuff

we got deep yeah we did I thought it was time to play some commercials or not I mean it's over to you Ben you seem to be making all the calls

I am I am what more Jono and Ben you can catch up with the boys anytime just search Jono and Ben on Instagram

scrolling through your feed yeah this is where we look at the news it's broken overnight catch up with the boys anytime. Just search Jono and Ben on Instagram. Scrolling through your feed. Yeah, this is where we look at the news. It's broken overnight. Thanks to our partners, Kate Hawkesby at Newstalk ZB for providing us all the up-to-date information that we listen to on the way into work.

We say, well, steal that story, steal that story, and we talk about it in a very uneducated manner. We do. But the obvious story we're going to get to very shortly, but John, I was like,

what else is out there in the world? Ben's like, let's have some light and shade in this segment. Yeah. Let's have some lighter stuff. So what have you found out there

that we can lightly banter about? Well, you know the world famous Nathan's hot dog eating competition? Yes. Which is held in Coney Island, New York every year where basically 32 people just deep throat hot dogs.

It's just amazing what they can eat. It is crazy. Like the winner has, I don't just deep throat hot dogs. It's amazing what they can eat. It is crazy. The winner has, I don't know, 67 hot dogs in about 10 minutes. It's disturbing to watch. They dip them in water, right? They're bred in water and they just, you know, it's amazing.

No one looks like they're having a good time. No. Even at the end of it, they're like, you're well done. The guy's like, give me some quickies. This is, oh, this is, you quickies It's like a form of torture We knew a lady from New Zealand Nella Zissa

Who we sent over there a few years ago Because she's a competitive eater And she did pretty bloody well for her first attempt Yeah she could She'd eat like a hundred hamburgers in one sitting And then eat the napkins and the tablecloth afterwards. She's a tiny, tiny girl. What she said she didn't realise when you got there was because they're quite cold

all the hot dogs as they've been sitting out for a while so you're used to when you're doing these eating things them being quite hot and training with hot hot dogs but when you got there they were really cold because it's just a mass pound of hot dogs. You're having to eat those as well. Producer Heidi is the resident vegetarian of the show.

This would be your hell on earth. We should play you the video of it. It is... Just pretend they're sausages made of soy, Heidi. Yeah.

You know? It's just the ingestion. To be fair, they probably have very little meat in them anyway. Yeah. So, you know,

you're probably fine. Inhaling processed meat. Anyway, the Nathan's Hot Dog Eating Competition is going ahead July 4th. It's on Independence Day. It's televised on ESPN.

Like, it's a big deal, right? It's a huge deal. But they're going to do it without an audience, given the current climate. Not appropriate. So I think they're holding it in a private location. And these people can deep throat their hot dogs in the comfort and safety of a private location. And, of course, the big story that everyone's talking about today. COVID is back, our 24 day

run with no cases, it's over. A couple of people flew into New Zealand from Britain, they tested positive for COVID yesterday. So these guys were in self isolation, so we're there and then the medical system granted them leave. They said yeah that's fine, compassionate leave to go down as sadly someone passed

away and their family and so they drove from Auckland to Wellington. They did nothing wrong, these people, but the medical system, just without even testing them. They must feel terrible too. Oh, totally. Wouldn't they feel awful? And then the person who let them out would feel awful. So I feel sorry for those people.

But this is New Zealand and this is where we get our pitchforks out and we chase these people out of the country. Okay, this is no bet. This is what a good New Zealander does. It's the health system. Chase them out of the country too. It shouldn't have happened. The health system shouldn't have let them go.

They should have been quarantined and now they're saying they won't do that again. Here's one. The most amazing thing for me was they reckon they, Ashley Bloomfield's like, oh, they drove from Auckland to Wellington and didn't stop.

Didn't have a pee. Didn't get gas. Didn't get like a cheeky coffee. Didn't even stop at the BP Bombay and fill up with a pie. Yeah. So that's amazing for me. But anyway, I'm sure there'll be details coming out later.

I feel like Ashley had to ad lib his way through that press conference. He was probably told about it two minutes before. He was like, what? And Jacinda wasn't there to back him up. And he was sent out to the lions. But here's my thing. I reckon we delete the rest of the world from our life. Okay?

Future generations will know nothing else. They just think New Zealand is the world. It'll be like the crazy flat earthers. We hide the rest of the world from New Zealand and we just live our own little sub-world. You're like pretty much North Korea right now. Exactly. Yeah, Kim Jong's onto something.

He's doing a bit. He's got no coronavirus over there. Well, if he was, he wouldn't tell us about it anyway, would he? That is what's happening in the news over the last 24 hours. More painful than your alarm clock. It's Jono and Ben on the hits. Jono, you're richer. Look me in the face, mate. You're now looking

at the proud owner of $550,000 US dollars. Which on the Google Transverter... Transverter? Is there a Transverter? You're rich now. You can make up words. $844,000 NZD. Okay, nearly a million dollars.

So, in the midst of this pandemic, in the midst of the worldwide madness that is happening, comes a glimmer of generosity from a complete stranger. Out of nowhere. This is not someone you know, just a text came through. Just complete, random kind of my phone. This is not someone you know, just a text. Just complete random kind of actness.

Wow. Acting kind of. You're nailing the speaking thing. This is why they shouldn't start breakfast shows at six in the morning. Let us warm up and start at seven. Then I can form sentences properly. But I got a text yesterday afternoon. No one ever texts me.

Only Ben. You sometimes send me pictures of stuff and you're like, is this normal? Do you have this as well? And the answer's always no. I say, please don't send that to me. I'm having my meal. I don't need to see your leaves and your guttering.

That sort of thing, eh? Exactly. You need a professional to sort that out. But no, this was another text and it said, You have been awarded $530,000 in the free lottery promo. Not even one you have to buy a ticket for. Oh, wow. All you have to do is visit mobs.com slash free,

click claim, enter your reference number and enter your passport number, enter your IRD number, your credit card details, your full name and address and we will give you five. So I did all that. It's that simple.

And I'm just waiting for them to deposit the money into my bank account. They even got back and they're like, actually, can you just give us the three digit pin on the back of your credit card as well? I was like, no worries. You've been so kind to me that the least I could do is have full disclosure

and open book and give you all of my details. All I do is win. Thank you very much, producer Juliet. So, Boss Todd, you can shove this radio show up your hits hole, mate.

We can ring him now if you want to ring him and tell him to shove his job if you want or you want to wait. Is he awake? Is he awake this time of morning? Is he? Will he be awake?

Let's call Boss Todd. Do you know his number, producer Juliet? Yeah, I can get it. I can get it. or you want to wait for the money? Is he awake? Is he awake at this time of morning? Is he? Will he be awake? Let's call Boss Todd. Do you know his number, Producer Juliet? Yeah, I can get it. I can get it. If you want to, it's over to you if you want to. You can wait until the money comes through. No, no, no, no, no. That would be silly.

That would be irresponsible to wait for the money to come through. Right. Because you need to plan for this stuff. I still don't want to be employed and then have the burden of this money sitting in my account. No, you're giving him time to look for someone else. That's right. And I don't want to do a half-assed effort of this job sitting in my account. No, you're giving him time to look for someone else. That's right. And I don't want to, like, do a half-assed effort of this job. I enjoy broadcasting.

Yeah. And I feel if I... Hello. Todd, I'm resigning, mate. I've won 550,000 USD. You know what? This is great news, because let's be honest, my cameo performances on the show, they go pretty good.

Yeah, me and Todd want to form a show. We've been talking about behind your back, Jono. Ben and Todd starts tomorrow morning on the hits. Six till nine weekdays. Todd, I'm sorry for waking you up. This was not planned. No, that's right. I was up doing my yoga.

Oh, okay. We'll let you get back to yoga. And I won't see you tomorrow because I've won money. Thank you, Boss Todd. Thank you. Love your work, mate. Love your work. I don't love it as much to hang around when I've got that. Thank you, Boss Todd. Thank you. Love your work, mate. Love your work. I don't love it as much to hang around

when I've got that much money, though. Not a morning person? Sadly, neither of these two. It's Jono and Ben on the hits. I like pineapple on pizza. I like the ads that pop up on YouTube. Kiwi onion dip tastes like crap. Controversial call-outs.

This is where Jono and I each say something that could be deemed controversial, unpopular, not what the masses would say. Yeah, like Ben's support for animal testing. You love it when they put lipstick on those puppies. I don't. Mascara on the little kittens. Not a fan of that. That's not a controversial thing that I want to stand behind.

But we've each got a chance right now, because it's early in the morning, to say something that we believe in that could be deemed controversial. This is just for the 6 o'clock club, okay? Before 7 we become family friendly. This is the naughty hour. You keep saying that, alright. Okay, so you go first. Okay.

I hate relaxing. Oh, God. I'm not surprised, but you're always so tense. What's the point? It's a waste of time. It's a waste of time. It's a waste of time. Why is relaxing going? You're only prolonging the inevitable, what you need to do later. And that gets me more annoyed because you're sitting there going, I need to do this thing, and now I'm sitting here and I'm meant to be relaxing,

and I'm not relaxing because I know I've got to do this thing. My wife, she's like, oh, let's go lie on the beach or let's read a book on the couch. Sit down and relax with me. I don't want to relax. I don't want to sit down and relax. What do you want to do? I just get myself.

I feel better when I get my stuff done. I go away on family holidays. When's relaxing time though? Family holidays. And my family get all done. I'm like, what's the schedule guys? What are we doing today? He's got an Excel spreadsheet.

He's got them up at 5.30 in the morning. But now I'm just like, you tell me what you want to do and then I can work around that. Okay? Because that's what we come to a lot. I'll put it into the schedule. If you want to relax between, just tell me. 9 and 11. That's we come to i'll put it into the schedule if you want to relax between just tell me nine and eleven that's fine you do that just so i know i'm not sitting there going what are we doing guys come on we're relaxing why

are we relaxing it's getting me wound up when do you relax well do not what do you do when your family's relaxing like do you do other stuff yeah i do other stuff yeah do you find it relaxing getting stuff done is that that your form of... Yeah, that's my form of... I understand that. I'd like to go in the gym or, like, you know, maybe watching a sports game from time to time or catching up with someone.

Doing something at the same time, not just, oh, I'm relaxing. It's like, oh... His form of relaxing is sprinting on a treadmill. Yeah. Like a psychopath. I'm like when you take the dog to the beach and you're like, why are we sitting down?

Why aren't we doing something? There's a whole beach out there. We should be doing... You know, that's me. That's me. So relax and get rid of it. It's all for me. But the problem is there's always going to be stuff to do in your life. So you need to teach yourself to just take some time for yourself.

Can I do this? Just relax. What are you doing when you sleep? Are you okay? Not well. Not well. He's a motor... Don't give me that. That's a waste of time as well. He's a motor... Don't get me started.

That's a waste of time as well. He's running at 130, this guy. If I didn't have to sleep, I wouldn't, all right? Well, that's your controversial opinion. You don't like relaxing? No. It's getting me wound up now. And what's yours?

Not all babies are cute. There's some ugly babies out there. Yeah, Juju's agreeing. I can agree. Babies are cute. No, there's some ugly babies. That's like puppies. No, jujus agree. I can agree. Yeah. You can. Babies are cute. No, there's some ugly babies. That's like puppies. No, they're all cute. Mate, not everyone wins the gene pool lottery.

Look at me. I look like a giant ugly baby. But the sooner that we as a human race go, okay, we're not obliged to go, oh, that's a cute baby. Just go, oh, mate, you've got a bit of an ego there. But that's all right. They might grow up to be a scientist or, you know, do some other stuff.

You can't say that to a baby, though. Why not? The baby doesn't know. I think it's cute. No, the babies are cute. At that stage, they're all cute for me. But not for you. This is your chance.

Okay, this is your thing. All babies are cute? I'd say so. I was looking at babies on the internet yesterday. Some of them had mono brows and full sets of teeth. What would you say to those babies? Would you be like, oh, baby. As a baby, that's cute.

I'm not saying they're bad human beings. Just saying they're ugly. Some babies, not all babies. And that's not to say that they're not going to grow up to be lovely human people and great human beings. Because that's what matters, right? It's like adults. I'm an uggo.

Law of averages. Out of three of us, I'm an uggo. Law of averages. You know, out of three of us, I'm the uggo. I take that on the chin. I take that on my big old chin. Big old ugly chin. It's the same with babies. Just because they're tiny human beings doesn't make them not ugly. Wow.

And that's my controversial opinion. Oh, there's some controversial thoughts for your Wednesday morning. Like starting your day without your morning coffee. It's Jono and Ben on my heads. Don't we love you, mate? We love you, Ben. Don't you?

Yep, us and all of our wonderful listeners and producer Juliette, Heidi, producer Humphrey, we all love you. Oh God, what's going on? But this is a little bit of an intervention of sorts.

It's like the time that we had to intervene with your late night gambling habits. Okay, how it was destroying your life and your children's life savings and your marriage. We got through that though, didn't we? We battled through that.

This is just another hurdle in life. Life throws you up a couple of hurdles, you just jump over them. But your friends are here to help you get over them. Okay. So what have I done? I'm nervous. You're a mumbler.

I am. You are a serial mumbler. For some reason you're too lazy to open your lips during conversation and at some meetings that we've had, post-show meetings, we've left the microphone on next to you and this is some off-air footage,

non-consensual footage of Ben's mumbling. I've got the name, the position. Is that the 740 spot we want to do? Let's go 40. Okay. Oh, yeah. Yeah, no.

I'm looking at one. I'll cover the mic. Yeah, okay. Are we going to do the thing later on? It's like the dentist has accidentally overdosed you on their gum injections. Oh, look, because we spend a lot of time talking for our job, you know, and you have to be very clear in your talking.

So you check out out of work hours? Out of work hours. Do you just spend your day going... It's like you get bored with what you're saying. You start with confidence and then trail off. And I'll just chat away to myself

and it's not really, no one really needs to hear it but then I'm kind of, oh, there's a question here and I'll just sort of do it. Yeah, but it's just a constant

drone of mumbling and then you pipe up with something coherent and then you go back to mumbling. This is how your communication style rolls. We've been working together

so many years now, you and me though, I feel like we don't even have to form full sentences. I just kind of go, the dog thing. And you're like, yeah, yeah, no,

they're right. I know what you're talking about. Yeah, yeah, you can get enough words to sort of piece it together, don't you? I'm not your translator. You're like,

I don't know. What he's trying to say here is he thinks it would be wonderful if we had Jacinda Ardern in an in-depth conversation about the two new COVID cases. Yeah, that sort of thing. Yeah, I pass that on

because you're too lazy to open your lips properly. But I constantly, I think I make noise at the time. You all give me grief about my photo noise I make. Yeah, we're like, eh, eh.

I didn't realise I did this, but when I smile in photos, I make an eh noise. You don't have to emit noise from your mouth all day. There's times where you can just be silent. Maybe if you relax. I might just have to show you can just be quiet.

Kenny Rogers is going to re-release The Gambler is the Mumbler, just for you. The whole song is just you. Start your day the wrong way. It's Jono and Ben on my heads. Spy, go WhatsApp spy.co.nz. When she goes to the petrol station, she fills her car up with unlettered 1991 gossip. It's shocking for fuel economy,

but great for this segment, Juju, with Spy. Thank you. So Keanu Reeves, he is auctioning himself off, and I want you to guess what he might be doing it for or what he's doing. Do you have any idea? Well, my mind's going straight to the gutter. No, shut up. Pull it back.

It's a family-friendly show. And I'm guessing you're saying in the current... In the current climate. Yeah, he can't probably do what you're thinking, Jono. He can't auction himself off in that because... As a cook? That's what I was thinking. Yeah, like, oh, yeah, very hard to cook at someone's house.

Well, you're not allowed in other people's bubbles. I understand that. Keanu Reeves, what would he be auctioning himself off? Oh, he's delivering food to people. Oh, not quite. Even better. He is auctioning himself off for a private 15-minute Zoom date with someone who bids the highest. I think delivering food to people is better.

Can he do that within 15 minutes? I don't know. A 15-minute date and then just savagely gets cut off? All right, your time's up. Thanks a lot. So the bids are currently past $10,000, and that person gets to have a cheeky bid. I'm guessing money's going to charity.

Yes, yes, it is going to charity. Keanu's not just trying to make... Well, I am going to auction off a private 15-minute Zoom date with Benjamin Boyce after the show. It's for charity. It's for charity. It's for charity. Text 4487 if you'd like to. How much would you pay for 15 minutes

with Ben Boyce? I'd pay a lot. I'd have to pay people to do that. At the end of the show. And remember when he's finished radio he's discussed it before he just mumbles. So you'll have 15 minutes of mumbling with Ben Boyce. Nothing better. Keanu Reeves is a lovely human being though by the sounds of it. From what I read on TMZ.

I don't know him personally. Oh, there's all those wonderful stories you read about him, you know? Yeah, considered one of the nicest men in Hollywood, which is lovely. But he doesn't have social media either. He probably just likes to keep himself away from everything. That's quite good, though. Well, then I'm a bit dubious about if he's going to figure out how to use Zoom. True.

Good point. Boomer on Zoom. God. And in other news Arnold Schwarzenegger He So obviously in California In public

You're required to wear Face masks everywhere But he turned up to Gold's Which is basically The A-listing club Of bodybuilding And no one inside Was wearing face masks

So he walked in Saw no one wearing face masks Walked out Because he was like I don't want people grunting And spreading their germs onto me. Oh, so he wouldn't go in? No. Spreading their coronavirus! Coronavirus, do I have that?

Yes, I do. Coronavirus! We were lucky enough to interview Arnie once and it was one of those occasions where you're like, you go in the room and they're like, I think we had like two minutes or something. They're like, two minutes or three minutes or whatever it was. And for some reason we asked like a warm-up question as part of our two minutes, just thinking we'd get a it was. And for some reason, we asked like a warm-up question as part of our two minutes,

just thinking we'd get a quick answer. And he just talked. Yeah, I know. And you can't interrupt, honey. No, it's Arnie. I teed it up here. Ben, you then asked him, because his famous thing is I'll be back.

Yeah. From Terminator. Oh, that was all good at the end. And you said, you know, when will my dad be back in here? This was just a joke. I'm going to play this off my laptop so audio might not be the professional quality that

you used to. I don't think Arnie really realised it was a joke. I'll be back. Do you know if my dad will be back? He said he'd be back but it's been 20 odd years now. My dad. I hope he's back. Don't talk about your personal issues. I just thought he might know.

I don't know everything. The look on his face is, why is this man asking me when his dad's going to be back? But he's quite leathery and brown, isn't he, Arnie? He's like a retiree on the Gold Coast. He looks like he's lived his best life. You can turn Arnie into a handbag and a pair of shoes. That's what will happen when he passes. No, that's too far.

No, that's too far. No, go further. You said it all. No, turn him into shoes, handbag and a suitcase. And sell them off to the show. What a legend. Is that spy? That's spy.

For more, you can head to the hits.co.nz. Want more Jono and Ben? You can catch up with the boys anytime. Just search Jono and Ben on Facebook. It's really good to have you company this morning. On a very weird day for New Zealand, COVID-19 is back. Our dream run of 24 days with no cases, over.

But hopefully that's it. Hopefully we'll get it back under control. Yeah, it is because we've taken on board my suggestion of putting them in a dinghy and just pushing them out to international waters and now we're back to zero. With one push, we're back to zero. Surely that's a sensible thing to do. No, thank God you're not running the country.

So, a couple of cutouts. Yeah, we are doing a tour of New Zealand, a socially responsible safe distancing tour of New Zealand in cardboard cutout form. Thank goodness, because otherwise we would be spreading coronavirus all throughout New Zealand. And at the moment they've made their way to Wellington. Thanks to you guys, the final listeners to The Hits

who have been transporting them. If they get back to The Hits studios, we'll give away 5K to anyone who's had a photo with them along the way. James from The Hits Wellington, come on in. Hey, guys. Okay, I'm really sorry. I turned around for like one second and somebody's taken the cutout. No. We did out. No.

We did now. No. Are you joking, James? No, no, no, no, no. I'm so sorry. I was literally talking to somebody about the competition and somebody's just grabbed it. It looked like he had a balaclava.

He might have rolled it down or something and snatched it and he jumped on a train. Oh, my God. They've been kidnapped. We had my God. They've been kidnapped. We had a call. They have been kidnapped. We had a call. We've had a couple of calls over the last couple of days from someone.

We just thought this was someone messing around with us. Have we got a little bit of that? Can we find it? Is it? Ben, let's take one more. Daryl, your name. Does it suit your profession? Today's the day, boys.

I see you and I'm taking the cutout today. You two are done. Oh, is this the guy from yesterday? Oh, he's hung up. He's a kidnapper of his word. Has he taken the, oh my God, are you? You're a security. You're a security.

Who are you talking to? I'm security. I work at radio. No, fair call, James. Fair call. You wouldn't think cardboard cutouts would be taken like that. So what does this mean? Is that the end of the tour?

I don't know. I don't know. James is still here. Mate, this is all your fault, James. I put in this picture, James. Tell me all the places he was going to go to today with the cardboard cutout for people to get the photo taken with him. So I don't know what this means.

We're going to have to regroup, and hopefully we'll find the cardboard cutouts. Sloppy, sloppy work, James. Sloppy work. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. It was two seconds. I bet James gave those two ladies from England coronavirus as well.

We're pinning everything on James. James, these things happen, mate. But hopefully we can find them at some stage. Hopefully it's just a little gag and they'll come back. These things happen. Sometimes your cardboard cutouts get kidnapped. That's right, on radio. Hey, James, you have done a wonderful job in all seriousness,

apart from the fact of... Yeah, apart from that. Yeah, there's something towards the end that happened with your tenure, but that's fine. Thank you so much for your time. Thank you. We'll regroup. We'll see where this leaves the cutout tour of New Zealand,

whether it's still on, whether 5K still gets given away. Well, if we get them back, and it's back on again, but if we don't, then I don't know, is that it? High drama to end the show. I don't know. I'm honestly shocked that this happened. Alright, well, we'll catch you guys tomorrow from 6. Who knows what will be happening with the cardboard cutter.