Jono, Ben & Megan - The Podcast - June 22 - BoozeTalkZB, The Pea Negotiation, What Have You Had On Your Face?

Episode Date: June 22, 2020

BoozeTalkZBThe A To Z of New ZealandThe Pea NegotiationIrene Van Dyke called in to help Ben with coaching his daughter's Netball teamDon't Call Us, We'll Call YouSpyWhat have you had on your face?Ben's DuetsScrolling Through Your FeedWhat are you known for?SpySee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Here we go. Just when you thought you couldn't get enough of Jono and Ben, you can have them anywhere, anytime. Welcome to the Jono and Ben podcast. This is it, man. We're back. We're back for another podcast. I like catching Ben off guard where he thinks we're not recording. But we are recording, yeah, yeah. I want to play a game with you because we both always, we get to the end of a show

and it's a blur. You never, you don't remember what you've done. It's just been four hours of nonsensical babble. And I'm going to play a game with you. Remember what we did on the show today. Oh, don't do this. Because he usually does this before we start recording the intro, so he's got something to tease. Oh, okay. So you did Boost Talk ZB? Oh, yes. We phoned up Newstalk ZB, inebriated, and it went on way too long. I was on the air for about five minutes. You'll hear that in the podcast. What else?

Oh, you made me sing a pink duet with Pink. Oh, yeah, for Ben's duets with Ben's unique and lovable singing style. And one thing I did enjoy this morning, actually, now that I come to think of it, your negotiation with your son about peas. Jeez, you did well remembering stuff. I did, actually. Sometimes I don't. I know.

It's a blur. I can't even remember what we did. At the start of this conversation? No. What did we do? You caught me off guard. I remember that. Maybe I've got some brain.

Maybe I need a, what do they call those things? Oh, God. Okay. What do they call those things when you go into a thing? You can't even remember what, yeah. Anyway, enjoy the podcast. I'm going to help Jono. The radio version of Morning Breath. It's Jono and Ben on the hits.

The news, the opinion, the debate. It's Goose Talk ZB. A little something we do over the weekend. We normally take turns to call up News Talk ZB,

the proper radio station, the talkback radio station, and pretend to be a little bit booze and see how long they'll let us last on the radio. Yeah, it becomes

the most stressful part of your weekend because we alternate. So you'll do one weekend, I'll do the other. I got my daughter to do it last week, not booze, just to ring up ZB. And it hangs over your head all the time. The most stressful part is phoning up another radio station and annoying them on air. Normally it doesn't last very long. This was a couple of weeks ago, John and I, we teamed up together to call Chris Lynch on Newstalk ZB and this is how it normally works.

Alex, morning. Lynch-y! And then he hangs up. Yeah. So they don't even give you the time of day, and nor should they. So that's what we've become accustomed to historically with Newstalk ZB. It's we get on, we do some singing, we say some stuff, and we get hung up on. Sort of in a 10, you know,

10, 15 seconds is the max that you're on air. But last night, oh my goodness me, Tim Wilson, who hosts the Sunday evening show. Oh yeah, he's on 7 Sharp as well. Wonderful broadcaster. I managed to get on with Tim.

I'm gathering the phones were a bit slow. It's a Sunday night. I don't know who phones were a bit slow. It's a Sunday night. I don't know who's phoning up a radio station on a Sunday night. But here's how it started. We're not here to talk about the love or helping others, are we, Jonathan? We're here to talk about Steve Kearney. What do you think? Timmy, Timmy, Timmy.

Oi, oi, oi. I love it. Timmy, Timmy, Timmy. Oi, oi, oi. Timmy. Oi. Timmy, Timmy, Timmy. Oi, oi, oi. Timmy. Oi. Timmy, Timmy, Timmy. Oi, oi, oi. Oi, oi.

Well, that was a hell of a self-introduction, Jonathan. How are you doing? Well, I know how you're doing. I just want to say, I want to say something from Cameron Charles to Stephen Kearney. Well, fire away. What do you reckon? Fair or unfair? Unfair. And here's what

I want to say. Is it too late now to say sorry? Because I'm missing more than just your body. I don't, Jonathan, I don't think it was his body that was the issue. Okay, so you've sung

two songs and you're still on there. It's at this point that you're like, hang up now. It can end now. That's all the gear I've got. So in your plan, in your game plan, you're like, ring up, do a couple of songs. I didn't even expect to get through Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, oi, oi, oi. Now I'm singing Bieber. And Limbaugh.

Tim Wilson's getting the reference, but anyway. And so, yeah, this is when, you know, traditionally, historically, the call would end. But it kept going. Timmy, I love you. Look, I love you, Jonathan. Can you unpack it a bit more than just the songs, which are quite deftly done,

but what do you think? You're saying it's unfair. Why? That's unfair. The poor guy, he's gone over there. He's given up his family. He's in lockdown in Tamworth. Tamworth.

Surely that's it. You've started. I said I love you too. Generally in a conversation, when you say I love you, it marks the end of the conversation. Yeah. But no, I keep going. Love the Warriors.

Love the Warriors. It's hard to love the Warriors. Well, that's the problem. When are they going to win? The thing is, they've been in the NRL 25 years, no title. I don't think any Australian will ever let the Warriors win ever

but Jonathan you don't win because people let you win you win because you take it from the others and that's why you're the best Tim that's why I love you so that's it I've said I've loved you twice I don't know how many more times I want to wrap this up That's why I love you. So that's it. I've said I've loved you twice.

It's like you're still on there. I want to wrap this up now on our show. We just made the highlights. And it keeps going. You're a silver-tongued devil, Jonathan. You got anything to say about the way that this week has played out in terms of COVID? Oh, now she's asking you about COVID. I do, I do. I feel like poor Ashley.

Now you're talking about Ashley Bloomfield. It goes on for five minutes. I've got a new record. Five minutes on Boost Talks, EB. Almost three months, yeah. Yeah. And the media's like sack of zero to zero. I think you're now his co-host on the show.

I think I'm going to invoice them for the shift. Tim and Jono, there you go. The best epic yet on Booze Talks ZB. This is your new breakfast. Health star rating, still pending. It's Jono and Mano Mahez, the A to Z of New Zealand. We are calling every town and city in New Zealand. We're doing one a day.

We're doing it alphabetically, and it's going to take us over two years to get through the whole of the country. Yes, and I've just had word we've been nominated for the New Year's Honours List for services to novelty domestic toll calls, Ben. Oh, great. So prepare yourself for that.

Get the suit ready for that at New Year's, my friend. That's what we were hoping for. Yeah. So many towns and cities. And I don't know why. Whoever invented the alphabet, why did you make it so long? I blame you. We are still in the Bs after probably six or seven weeks.

But anyway. Bs are fun, though. I have noticed that I looked on the weekend, 90% of the B towns are in the South Island. Really? Not many B towns are in the South Island. Really? Not many B towns in the North. I don't know if that interests anyone or puts you to sleep. I find it interesting.

And sticking with that theory, Blackball is on the West Coast, small town on the West Coast of the South Island, 29 kilometres from Greymouth. It's credited as the birthplace of the New Zealand Labour Party. It was also the headquarters for the Communist Party of New Zealand. These are all true? These are all true, yeah.

Sometimes I know you start with a good fact and then you make up some and then I get lost and what's true. Yeah, no, these are all true. Disclaimer, all true. Now they've got rid of the cheeky commies. I don't know if that's true. There may still be some communists in Blackpool.

But if you move to Blackpool, you're required to eat a knuckle sandwich for breakfast, lunch and dinner. So this is where you start going. You start with, and it's like, now I don't know what to believe. Well, no.

But we'll believe the fact that they don't have to eat knuckle sandwiches. Okay. Everything else is true apart from the knuckle sandwich stuff. Okay. We're going to go through to Blackpool now. Are we?

Yeah. I don't know now. This is a place called The Former Black Ball Hilton. Hello, Black Ball Hilton. This is Dawn. Oh, Storm, I love you already.

Love you already. I'm falling in love the more we speak. Leave Dawn alone. Dawn, it's Jono and Ben here from the Hits radio station. Hello, how are you? We're doing well, Dawn.

How are you going at the Black Ball Hilton? Just about to open up for the day. Oh, very nice. We're ringing every town and city in New Zealand one a day, and we're doing it alphabetically, and we're now on your town. Brilliant. Yeah. Black Ball's a fantastic wee place.

Now, we played blue ball just yesterday. I'm glad you're giving him laughter because I was giving him nothing. Which is worse. Yeah, no. But anyway, we won't go too deep. This is family-friendly stuff. That's meant to be, yeah. Family-friendly stuff.

I'm sorry for dragging you into this, but tell us about Black Ball. Black Ball, it's a fantastic wee town. It's got a fantastic history. Started initially with gold back in the 1860s, and then the gold wasn't really up to scratch, so they started mining coal, and it was for the Black Bull Steam Shipping Company, which was an English one,

but that's what the town's named after. I feel like you know quite a lot about Black Bull. Yeah, you're like the Wikipedia of Blackpool. I'm learning quickly. I haven't been here that long. Oh, very impressive. But, you know, the inside of the hotel is just absolutely full of memorabilia and history.

We've got a wonderful little museum next door and the locals will certainly tell you more than I can. So the Blackpool Hilton, where you work, 100 years old, this pub and hotel? 110, actually, on the 1st of July, 110 years old. Oh, that's it. Your birthday's coming up very soon, and you don't look a day over 109. Some days I feel it.

And so it says formerly the Black Bull Hilton. Did you have to change its name due to copyright reasons? Yes, yes. Apparently there was a backpacker's Queenstown, I think it was, that called themselves the Hilton. And the Hilton chain got wind of that and didn't like it. And then, of course, discovered that we were called the Hilton as well. We were originally the Dominion Hotel and it got changed.

And from that, they very cleverly came up with the idea of calling it formally the Black Bull Hilton. Oh, so legally, that's okay. That dodges

the Hilton's lawyers. Indeed. The funny thing is, I used to work for the lawyers many years ago, exactly the same person that wrote the letter. Oh, really?

A little bit of a tip-off? There we go. I'm glad this is all working out for you. And what else can we do in your town apart from stay at your lovely place? Oh, look, we've got... If you do stay at our lovely place, we've also got fantastic food. So our two chefs

do amazing food. I reckon in Blackpool the chefs would go out and kill the animals with their bare hands. If they were allowed to, yes, but nowadays it's all got to be legal. Oh, now, don't you hate the law? The niggly law?

We'll be on it as far as we need to. Which is pretty well Blackpool. Sounds like a lovely place. You sound like a lovely person. We've got some fantastic walks here. And, of course, the Paparoa Track reopens again in October. And that's bringing a lot of people through town as well. Jeez, you need to work for Tourism Black Bull.

You've done a wonderful job. The A to Z of New Zealand Black Bull is 39 on the list. Oh, brilliant. What a call. You have a lovely day, Dawn. Hey, thanks, guys. Some people skip breakfast, the meal, and also this show. It's Jono and Ben on the Hits.

Hey, off the back of a very intense negotiation last night in the household, your kids like vegetables? Yeah, they actually are pretty good. They are really. They're very good. They've grown up with me. I know. You've been shoving carrots in their mouths.

India, sometimes I'm like, are you a proper kid? The other day I was like, you'd have shoving carrots in their mouths Indy, sometimes I'm like Are you a proper kid? The other day I was like, you can have ice cream for a treat She's like, oh dad, I had some at my friend's place So I'm good I'm like, kids don't do that And she takes herself off and puts herself to bed She's like, oh, better turn in It's like Friday night, yeah, I'm tired

It's like, you don't have to do this Got an early start tomorrow I know, very sensible child So last night I'm like Talking to my son Oscar, I'm like, you don't have to do this. Got an early start tomorrow. I know, she's like. I know, very sensible child. I know, she's like, yeah. Yeah. So last night I'm like talking to my son Oscar. I'm like, okay, mate, why don't you try some peas with your meal? Yes, juju.

How old is he? He's 10. Okay. Yeah, so why don't you try some peas? He's like, oh, I don't know. I was like, peas are good, mate. They're pretty inoffensive. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

They're a little bit of filler though, aren't they? Really? A little bit. They're not going to cause're pretty inoffensive. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They're a little bit of filler, though, aren't they? Really, a little bit. They're not going to cause much drama in your mouth. You know? You eat them, they're gone. And he's like, okay, I'll have two peas. I was like, mate, ten peas. So then we got into a pea standoff.

And he was low-balling me all the way through. He's like, no, two peas. I was like, okay, eight peas. He's like, two, two peas. And I was like, okay, eight peas. He's like, two peas. I keep coming down. You've come down to eight. And it reaches a point where I'm like, six peas. It's all on my six peas.

Which is true. There's not many peas. You mush them together. They're really like half a forkful. And he's like, one pea. He went backwards from where he was the lower I was going. You started on two, got to one. It became

a battle of determination and wits. You know, it wasn't about the peas in the end. Yeah, that's what those things become like, right? Who can win? And so eventually I ended up just getting some tongs and pulling out one single pea onto a plate.

And he had that pea with his meal. He won. He won the negotiation. He got to one. I mean, for years we get away with lying to children, don't you? Like, oh, if you don't have your carrots, you won't see in the dark. Or when Mr. Whippy's siren's on, he's run out of ice cream and stuff. Not now.

You're getting too smart, these kids. Well, the internet's there. It's bought up for us, eh? I know. They're like, Crust, we're here on your chest. Oh, that's a lie. You know? And I didn't, well, whoever wants hair on their chest, you know? At one point

he was like, does this count towards my five plus a day? So if I have three, does that mean I'm not three of the five? I was like, great question. And that's the reason why we now have a peace treaty. A peace treaty. And he'll be having one pee per night until we now have a peace treaty. A peace treaty. A peace treaty.

And he'll be having one pee per night until he builds a pee immunity. Wake up and smell them. Actually, no, please don't smell them. That's odd. It's Jono and Ben on the hits. Bubble buddies, if you will. Quen twin quarantinos. That one didn't quite work.

Go to sydney.com forward slash New Zealand to start dreaming about what you could get up to. And of course, keep listening to the hits for your chance to win. Styromaniacs. Individuals who repeatedly fail to resist the impulse to purchase their polystyrene from Styrobec. Builders of residential, commercial and civil construction, for example. Many of them styromaniacs. They repeatedly visit Styrobec for bulk fill EPS blocks,

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after a fleeing vehicle crashed in Canterbury yesterday morning. Two of the eight passengers suffered critical injuries. Youth health doctor Sue Bagshaw says chasing young drivers causes them to panic rather than stop. That's news. I'm Ash Thomas. And Wellington and Carpety today, fine apart from morning low cloud with southerlies in a high of 15. Tomorrow starting out cloudy, then fine hitting 15

and some rain on Wednesday. Hey, you've got toothpaste on the side of your mouth. It's Jono and Ben on the hits. It is the hits, Jono and Ben, 7.27 on a Monday morning. Being a coach, tough. I mean, I felt for Stephen Kearney, Warriors coach over the weekend, John O'Byrne, 7.27 on a Monday morning. Being a coach, tough. I mean, I felt for Stephen Kearney, Warriors coach over the weekend, just got sacked. Yeah, well, listen, don't feel too bad.

He's got two million reasons to feel a bit better about life. I think so. I was reading an article yesterday saying it was quite an expensive process for the Warriors to make him, what do you say, resign him. And so, yeah, I think there was two years left on his contract and so he needs to get paid out there. But I imagine for someone of that stature, it's less about the money and more about the job.

Yeah, you want that job. So, yeah, very brutal game and it got me a little bit worried. And they've got a new coach? No. Do they know who they're putting in? The assistant coach, does that give it a bash, mate? Give it a go this weekend? Is there not even a handover period?

No, it just seems like straight away. It's like, mate, you're up. Does Stephen Cooney go, oh, here's how you log into the emails? I don't know. Listen, I'm halfway through following up this. Yeah. I'm waiting for this to arrive.

Seems very abrupt, very cutthroat, but I guess that's professional sport, you know, and coaching. And it got me a little bit worried because I'd kind of signed up to help coach my daughter Sienna's netball team. Have you any previous coaching netball experience? No.

No, great, great. And that's what I love about school sport. It's like we had a Brazilian lady teaching touch rugby. She's like, I've never even heard of this sport. But she was available, and that's the main thing. Yeah, so another mum is doing it, and I'm like, oh, I'll help you out, because basically I'm available. That's the only reason I'm helping out.

But I don't know what I should be doing in that situation as a coach motivating them is that what i mean but it's hard to wrangle because i managed to be the kids basketball remember my tenure as a coach of the basketball team i was uh let go as well so i know how kearney feels um and it was a shambles controlling them's the main problem yeah so they're like scatty cats yeah they're all they're all doing their own thing. One's doing a bloody break dance. The other's like picking their nose. It's a difficult game, the coaching game.

I was let go because we had a zero from 20 record. The next season, they started winning every game. I don't know what I was doing wrong. I'm going to do a documentary on it like the Jordan one on Netflix. The last dance. The last dance. The last dance. And mainly they're all just the kids TikTok dancing on the court. So I entered the hits as the phone number, 4487 in the text.

Can you help me out with this netball coaching? Because I need some help. Last year, Sienna played at an inter-schools tournament and it came back. I was like, how'd it go? She goes, oh, we got one goal. I was like, oh, great. What about the other game?

She was like, oh, no, that was in seven games. I was like, oh, okay. So you're taking on board this team? Well, I think it's a new team. New team, fresh start, new year. I think it's an amalgamation of new teams. It's how the Warriors start every year. It's going to be different this year.

It's a new team, guys. This is our year. Okay? This is our year, but I need some help. All right? Okay. Maybe professional help. 0800-THE-HITS-4487.

If you have any previous coaching experience. Even netball experience, that'd be great. Just any experience. Any advice you can pass on to me. Life experience. Yeah, give us a call right now. Get a hold of us on New Zealand's Breakfast. Love to hear from you.

Someone is listening right now and you will recognise her. And if you don't, it'll be very awkward. Former Silver Fern, Irene Van Dyke. Good morning. Good morning, fabulous. Thank you, Irene Van Dyke. Good morning. Good morning, fabulous. Thank you. Irene Van Dizzle, how are you?

I'm absolutely fabulous. Thank you. One of the loveliest people in New Zealand. You and Hilary Barry tied first equal for the loveliest people in New Zealand. If you had a fight, you would kill each other with kindness. Oh, wow. Wow. That is a massive compliment. Now, Irene, can you help me out?

I'm coaching my daughter's netball team. Ten years old, Sienna. I don't know what I'm doing, Irene. Okay, so first you need to get a drink. Yeah. Because you're going to need it. Okay. Just to clarify, that's for me.

That's for me, not the kids, right? Has that been your tactic all along? Just get drunk before playing netball, Irene? That's why Irene's so lovely. Yeah, you never know. You never know. Because it feels like the kids, you know, they're more interested in doing sort of TikTok dances on the court,

you know, than sort of knuckling down and focusing on netball. Of course they do, because they are 10 years old. Everything that they do at that point in time has to be fun. So with the 6v6 program, they literally run up and down. They catch, they pass, they shoot. And yeah, they're just busy the whole time. So by the time they get to the end of the game, they're absolutely chopped.

So there's not even any time for 15-second TikTok dances. I was thinking, is this a new sport, a new generation of TikTok dancing netball players? They provide the crowding to Damon and the sport at the same time. Irene, when I went to the netball with my mum and watched the Silver Ferns last year, they played Shania Twain, man I feel like a woman, before the game and the crowd went nuts.

But honestly, it was like the sevens for my mum. She was loving it. I had to tell my mum to sit down. She was embarrassing me. You can hear the menopause dancing in the stands. Oh jeez. Irene doesn't want to be part of this.

It's fabulous to have sport back on TV. It is fabulous. You're right. So, Irene, the netball positions, I know this is six aside, but it is quite confusing explaining the positions to netball, particularly when they have to change at quarter time. You know, like you have two attackers, two centres and two defenders. And the centres,

as soon as the centre pass is taken, the second set of centres who are standing on the sideline runs in. I think that is the most confusing thing for the parents to understand why these are second pair of centres to enter the court. So if they stand on the sideline,

as soon as the centre pass is taken, they can enter the centre third and then become part of the side. This is the most confusing thing in the world. I'm more confused now. It's simple. It's simple. You've got a centre there,

but then if the wind is blowing slightly nor'easterly, then you can bring on a centre forward. But then you've got nine backup centres you can rollasterly, then you can bring on a centre forward. But then you've got nine backup centres you can roll out in the 43rd minute. That's how it works. Irene Van Dyke, as I said before, I'm coaching, well, helping coach my daughter, Asiyah and his team. Motivation-wise, what sort of things am I saying before the game? What would your best coaches say to you?

Dame Lois, Mia always say to me, you know. Dame, lowest meal always see to me. Least is more. Keep it simple and keep it short. Now, Irene, I just looked here. The number six best netballer in history. Did you know that? No. Number six, baby.

Number six. You need to put that on a card. Oh, please. Irene Van Dyke, number six best netballer in history. Yeah. That's an impression. And you're a school teacher now, baby. Number six. You need to put that on a card. Irene Van Dyke, number six best netballer in history. That's an impression. And you're a school teacher now, Irene. No, no. I used to teach.

Right, okay. So maybe you're not number six in history now. Oh, no, sorry. It was 66. The reason I know so much about this program is because I work for Needful Central Zone and I roll this program out to parents. So I do the workshop that the parents come to and it's super interactive and the parents walk away knowing that they can have a blast with their kids throughout the season.

Oh, that's the main thing. So the Future Ferns program sounds like a really good one. Are people interested? Are people like me in helping coach the team? Where can they find more information? You go to your local Nipple Centre and they will have people presenting workshops to grow capability within the coaching space.

Oh, come on, Irene. Come on, Irene. Come on, Irene. Come on, Eileen, this song. This doesn't even work, Jono. And I've given you a theme song as well. Brilliant. Irene Van Dyke, we really appreciate you helping me out this morning. I'm sorry for you having to put up with Jono.

That's what I have to do every day, though. I make no apologies, Irene. I love you. Oh, you too, guys make no apologies, Irene. I love you. Oh, you too, guys. Have an awesome day. See you too. Want more Jono and Ben? You can catch up with the boys anytime.

Just search Jono and Ben on Instagram. We've got a new game show on the show, but you can't just ring up to win. No. We unnecessarily punish people by phoning them and making them participate in a game show

that they didn't expect but they can win great prizes. Yeah. It's called Don't Call Us, We'll Call You. I felt like how tentative you were with what it was called.

No, I looked at you guys and you looked tentative and then it made me tentative. I had confidence and then I lost confidence. So I'd like us all to, producer Juju, you as well. How are we all feeling now? Are we feeling confident to do this together in sync? I just didn't know which bits to join in on.

Is this the second line or the whole first and second line? Just go from the top. Just come, everyone just, like we rehearse. What do you mean? I don't know what part to join in. Join in on the part that says, don't call us, we'll call you. Okay, all right? One, two, three.

Don't call us, we'll call you. Just like we rehearse. Well done, guys. Let's make a call to someone who's not expecting a game show. Open Only Lighthouse, Motel, Tonguey speaking. Tony, Jono, Ben, the hits morning. What? You're part of a game show.

It's called Don't Call Us, We'll Call You. Boom. So you haven't called us, we've called you. That's how the game show works. We've got four quick questions. You answer all four correct, you win the $40 help pizza. Go on then. I love how your reaction was, correct. You win the $40 helpita. Go on, then. I love how your reaction was, boom.

No one's ever clapped back with a boom, but here we go. Who's the current All Black First Five Eight? Is it Rodan Garrett, Bowdoin Barrett, or Nodin Rabbit? Oh, shit, Bowdoin Barrett. Yeah, well done. That's right. Dwayne Johnson's nickname is what? A, the Pebble, B, the Rock, or C, the Boulder?

Oh, he's the Rock, the Rock, the Rock. There you are. The Rock. Got to get up early to beat you, don't we? Yeah. Who's the current leader of the National Party? A, Simon Bridges, B, David Seymour, C, Todd Muller? Some moron called Todd Muller.

I take it you're a big fan. Kim Carr. Please welcome right now on the show, Todd Muller, our special guest you're a big fan. Please welcome right now on the show, Todd Muller, our special guest. No, I'm kidding. I'm kidding. This was all a ploy to trick you into talking to Todd Muller. And finally, Kim Kardashian

has her own line of what? A. Computers, B. Cocaine, or C. Shapewear? I'd like to say B, but no, we'll go for Shapewear. Well done. You are so good. You've just won $40 worth of Hell Pizza. Well, you know what, mate?

I'm up in the Hokianga Harbour. What's the bloody courier charge up here for Hell Pizza? It's more than $40, man. You're trying to negotiate a courier deal. Oh, you're right. I tell you what, we will sort something out for you, okay? Yeah, yeah. Oh, bless. Get Todd Muller to personally deliver the pizza.

How's that sound? Oh, yeah, okay. I've got a few choice words for him. Now, can you settle a debate that Ben's friends have been having about Opononi? Yeah, go on. So the dolphin, there was Opo the dolphin. Now was the town named after the dolphin or the dolphin named after the town?

I'm pretty sure the dolphin was named after the town. That's what I've been saying as well, but one of them for some reason reckons the town was named after a dolphin. So what was the town's name previously to the dolphin? Yeah, that's what I think. It was a dolphin that settled in Opononi, right? Maybe the town was called Noni, and then the dolphin came along, Opo, and there you go. They, boom, put the two together. Boom. Boom.

It's a double boom. All right. You're on the line. We'll somehow work out how to get this pizza to you. I don't know how that's going to happen, but we'll try. Yay. Oh, awesome. Thanks, guys.

That's so cool. Thank you. If you have to rent a carrier pigeon, we will get this to you. I don't know how that's going to happen, but we'll try. Yay! Oh, awesome. Thanks, guys. That's so cool. Thank you. Even if we have to rent a carrier pigeon, we will get this to you, okay? You look after yourself. You too.

Thank you. See ya. Making poor life decisions every morning. It's Jodo and Ben on the hits. By the WhatsApp by doco.nz

Producer Juliette was spied. She may not have a journalism degree, but what she does have is a Bachelor in Celebritology. Come on in, Producer Juliet. I see why you're hesitant for that one now. Yeah. You know we jump straight in

with your little intro. So, Kurt Cobain, so the guitar that he played during his 1993 MTV Unplugged performance has sold for, guess how much? Six million dollars. You said six million before.

Well, I actually Googled it, and it's nine million New Zealand dollars. Oh, well, burn on that. You're going to outface. Nine million dollars. New Zealand, yeah. Well, I mean, it's a huge piece of musical history. Yeah, totally. That was a very famous performance, wasn't it?

I always remember a big giant cardigan in that. Was there a cardigan in that? Yeah, I feel like there was. Maybe I made that up i don't know kirk cabane unflates which if you bought the guitar like that would you would you play it or would you just put it away i'd probably put it away frame it hang it up on the wall and put a slight put alarms around it so if anyone stole it yeah the alarms would go off no this is going to cost you another million dollars in security costs. You know, you had a big green cardigan on.

Green cardigan. Yeah, like a vomit green cardigan. Look at Oscar the Grouch. Oh, great. I wonder how much that cardigan would be worth too. Probably not as much as a guitar. What's the most expensive piece of memorabilia you two own? I know we've talked many times about your BB years, producer Juliet.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. 500 buckies on, not buckies, bucks. Oh, jeez, okay. Bucks on Justin Bieber meet and greet. And that's probably the most expensive thing I've brought regarding a celebrity. Yeah, you Ben? I don't really have any.

I've got the Ben sign from Jono and Ben. Oh, you've attached it? It's in your lounge. In the lounge? It lights up in the lounge, right? I put mine above our bed. Oh, come on. it? It's in your lounge. In the lounge? It lights up in the lounge, right? I put mine above our bed. Oh, God. No, I didn't.

Your Jono's here, guys. Turn on the lights. My name's in lights. Da-da-da-da-da. Oh, that's a really interesting night. Well, I tell you what, probably in 10 years it'll be worth double that. Exactly. Great investment.

The Benz sign? The Benz sign, yeah. You're selling for $20 million in 2030 on TradeGrak. And Tom Cruise, so he isolated at the headquarters of this Church of Scientology during lockdown, had such a wonderful time there that he wants to buy a mansion not far

so he can be near the Church of Scientology headquarters whenever he likes. So he's thinking of getting some sort of flash thing. And the... I think all that sort of compounds this area that they're all together. Yes, yeah, yeah, yeah. I think it's called a cult is the word you're looking for.

Yeah. Yeah, so it's in Sussex, which is somewhere in England, I guess. And I don't know if he's actually bought it, but we'll see how that goes. See you to the States. Can I just say you're very shaky on details with this tom cruise story i feel like you're making this tom cruise

story up as you go no follow-up questions my friends uh she went over to los angeles her friend lives in america and um he was like oh do you want to go get this you can go to the church of scientology and get a personality test. Free personality test. But there's a lot. There's Disneyland, there's Universal Studios. There's a lot to do in LA. But like, oh no, let's go here.

So they went along for the personality test and they separated. So taken into separate rooms and they grill you like, what have you done? What have you done? Show us all the cool stuff

you've done on the internet and they get all this information. And our friend, they were like, mate, we can't save you. You have to leave Scientology. Yeah.

Really? But the other guy got sucked into it. He became one. Is it like you have to confess your sins and everything? Basically, I think they hold that over you. So if you ever want to leave, they'll be like, hey, remember we've got this video of you TikTok-ing to Benny in 2000. Drinking the goon sack of wine.

Yeah, drinking out of a shoe at university. Yeah, that's right. And then they lord it over you, yeah. A bit of blackmail there. That's right, yeah. There's a church of Scientology in Auckland. Yeah sack of wine. Yeah, drinking out of a shoe at university. Yeah, that's right. And then they lord it over you, yeah. God, bit of blackmail there. That's right, yeah. There's a church of Scientology in Auckland. Yeah, there is. Massive building by the motorway, yeah.

Didn't know that. We should go there for personality tests. I bet you would have the best personality, Ben. Oh, thank you, Jono. You could say I would have the best personality. Why? Eh? Just as a nice thing to say.

Why? It's too late now. All right, for more spy, Eh? Just as a nice thing to say. He has a comment. Why? Oh, it's too late now. All right, for more spy, you can head to theheads.co.nz. We apologise in advance. It's Jodo and Ben on the Heads. Our cardboard cutouts are making their way around the country.

And it's been a journey of discovery, hasn't it, Ben? And let's just relive some of the wonderful moments of the Responsible Safe Social Distancing Tour. The journey is underway. In Bluff. Bloody dark and windy and very lonely. Just like Ben's underpants. In Christchurch. Felix. Carry around cutouts of

washed up schmucks. In Nelson. The science actually put an extra inch at the bottom there. And we need those inches, that's for sure. On the inter-under. Get a photo with the hits, Jono and Ben. Cardboard cutout. From the hits Jono and Ben cardboard cutout from the hits in Porirua

you guys should be a little bit taller to be honest hello today's the day boys what I'm taking the cutout today

oh is this the guy from yesterday oh he's hung up I'm really sorry somebody's taken the cutout no what can we do

to get it back if you guys can get me a personalised video message from Jacinda Ardern I'll release the back? If you guys can get me a personalised video message from Jacinda Ardern, I'll release the cutout. What?

If we can get a happy birthday message. Happy birthday. You've saved us, Jacinda. Daryl. Happy birthday, Daryl, the truck driver. Did I ask for a video message? Oh, here we go. We'll call it a day on this one, eh?

I'm going to leave it just outside of Tauranga. We're back. We're back. We're back on tour. You're in the draw for the 5K if they make it back to the Hit Studio. We're relying on you. That's right, you. What a wonderful recap.

Poor Aaron, our production guy, to trawl through this cesspit of audio. But it explained it beautifully. That's what's been happening. And you've been transporting the cutouts. If they make them back safely to the Hit Studio, we'll give away $5,000 to anyone who transported them or had a photo with them. Yes, and we're in Hamilton early this morning. Emily is on the line right now from the Hits team.

Where are you, Em? I am currently pulled over on the side of the road, but I'm on my way to Matamata. You know why you're pulled over on the side of the road? Because you're responsible. Yeah. Exactly. A responsible motorist.

Emily heading to Matamata. Huge crowds, we understand, at BP earlier this morning, Em. Yes, yes. Shout out to Angela. She brought some face masks for you guys this morning. Oh, she put them on. I saw that on social media at the Hits Breakfast. She did.

She brought some of our kind face face masks and put them on the cardboard cutout and got a photo with them. So it's pretty cool. Yeah, super cool. And Matamata, known for Hobbiton and free parking is the other thing I enjoy about Matamata. Yeah, typical. And Matamata, known for Hobbiton and free parking is the other thing I enjoy about Matamata. Yeah, it certainly is. The Shire lives there.

The what? The Shire is there. Oh, yeah. I haven't seen it. He has a lot of Lord of the Rings and stuff. I haven't seen Lord of the Rings. I'm too late there and I can't be bothered starting. But whereabouts are you going to be in Matamata?

I will just park up outside the i-Side. The information centre, the i-Side information centre, Matamata. Go and see the cardboard cutouts. Go and see the wonderful, sensible, driving Emily. For your chance to get in the draw to win $5,000, you've done a great job. Big heart, great personality, great lady, Emily from the Hits, Hamilton.

Thank you, guys. Put that on your CV. Like starting your day with Panda Eyes. It's Jono and Ben on The Hits Hamilton. Thank you guys. Put that on your CV. Like starting your day with panda eyes it's Jono and Ben on The Hits On, where was it, Saturday night I woke up with something on my face and I was like, well this isn't my usual clear, blemish free

flawless skin on my face Yeah. There's something, no I'm just joking I look like Voldemort suffered a medical grade acne problem But it was You know when you're sort of You're half asleep And you can feel something crawling

And you're like Oh no Well it won't be here It won't be here on my face It was a process of elimination That crawled off a while ago And then I turned on the light

Weta A weta Out of all the places To crawl in a bedroom for a Weta. And it was on my cheek and sort of going over my eye. Weta. I don't even know how Wetas get into the house. That's, yeah.

And then you'd struggle to go back to sleep after that. You'd have to get it outside and put it outside, but then you wouldn't get back to sleep. I was pretty drunk. I just fell back asleep. I might not have even been a Weta. I might have just imagined all this. Think of a dream.

Yeah, so we thought we'd find out this morning whatever you had on your face like that. Yeah, and I'm always the designated bug remover in the house. I don't know when I assumed this role. Yeah. You? Well, I was until my wife watched me do it once. She's like, I'm better at this than you.

And I'm like, oh! I mean, no one likes doing it. But then I was like, oh, go remove the cockroach. She's like, why me? We didn't have a marital discussion about when this was my role. Producer Heidi, you had a similar story to Joyce. Yes, and this is hard for me to revisit because I now have a phobia because of this moment.

But when I lived in Perth, I was asleep in the middle of the night. And same thing as you, Jono, you're kind of coming to and you're feeling something tickling your neck. And then you're kind of waking up a little bit more and a little bit more. And when I fully woke up,

it was on my mouth, pretty much crawling into my mouth and it was a massive freaking cockroach. Oh, halfway in your mouth. Yeah. See? Usually when someone's tickling your neck and your face, it's Ben. You're the tickler.

He like goes, you're really paying me out to be a horrible person. That is the worst moment, and it catapulted to the other side of the room, lights on, and we found it. It was like five centimetres long. Big ones in Australia, eh? Five centimetres?

That's huge. Okay, so throw it out there. I don't know if we can beat Jono or Heidi's story, but under the hits, 4, 4, 8, 7 on the text. What have you had on your face? Yeah. Yeah, like that. What have you had on your face?

Like a wetter, like a cockroach, that sort of thing. Why would it be anything else? That's all that's said. Good. Well, you're laughing going like that. That's the thing. I was laughing at the story that happened to you over the weekend with the weather. Now, I was told a particular order to go to for these following callers,

and the names and the orders have escaped me. Okay. Well, Producer Juliette, were you listening? Yes, I was. We've got Marie first. Well, thank God. This is why you won Best New Broadcaster. This is why I'm a sloppy old broadcaster.

Hey, Marie, welcome to the show. It's good to have you on. Hi. Hi. What did you have on your face, Marie why I'm a sloppy old broadcaster. Hey, Marie, welcome to the show. It's good to have you on. Hi. Hi. What do you have on your face, Marie? Okay, so twice while I was living in Hong Kong, I found on two different occasions, I woke up to a massive Chinese cockroach,

which was pretty big. Once was on my face, and the second time was on my chest. Two Chinese double cockroaches. Because producer Heidi woke up to one an Australian cockroach crawling across her face. Into her mouth. Very scary.

Yeah, very scary. But actually, I've done worse. Oh, you've done worse? What else have you had on your face? Oh, jeez. Well, quite a few things. So anyway, once I woke up with a start and actually jumped out of bed, hit my face on the floor, gave myself a black eye

to realise that actually I thought a spider was crawling on me, but it wasn't in my dream. Oh, Jesus. Well, gee, your face has been through some stuff. Such a great call. Thank you. Hold the line. We'll find something for you.

I really appreciate that. Pleasure talking to your face. Thank you very much, Marie. Cockroaches, they can survive a nuclear explosion. Yeah, apparently, right? But they can't survive a can of Raid. Oh, yeah. So I'm like, what's in a can of Raid?

That's not in a nuclear... Yeah, you're right. Kerry, welcome. How are you? Amanda. Amanda. Amanda, welcome. You know the system.

You ask who you're allowed to talk to. Good to have you on, Amanda. What have you had on your face? I haven't really had it on my face. I woke up with something crawling up my arm and flicked it off, and it was a massive rat. Oh, gosh. You're not a rat person.

No. Whereabouts were you sleeping? Just in a bed normally? In my bed. Well, we're in the country, so, of course, you always get rats in the country. And, yeah, so I woke up and I was like flicked it onto the hubby and he was asleep

so he just flicked it off and then saw it running around the bedroom so blocked all the entrances off and got some traps and set them around the bed hoping to catch it in the night but yeah that didn't happen so got up in the morning left the room and left all the traps set hoping that it would actually get caught

but no it didn't so I ended up having to move all the traps set, hoping that it would actually get caught. But no, it didn't. So we ended up having to move all the furniture out and catch it ourselves. Oh, my God. This is the plot line to Ratatouille, and it ends up cooking a Michelin star chef. Let's just say I had a massive headache after we did catch it in the ice cream container.

Okay, all right. Do we go into the gory deets? No, let's not go into that. Let's have a few drinks at the Rat Bar the night before. Okay, all right. All right. Do we go into the gory deets? No, let's not go into that. Let's say how you drank at the Rat Bar the night before. Thank you, Amanda. Kerry, let's end on you.

What have you had on your face, Kerry? Okay, well, I went, I went, I think, because I had the sweater and I've had

the cockroach, but the one that I was told to talk about was the stick and stick. Wow, so you've had like a whole collection. There's no part of nature that hasn't been on your face. No, no, they just want to attack me.

So where was the stick insect at? When did this happen? I was trying to think where it was. I'm thinking Shanson where they had the bird park. So we took the kids for a lovely walk and I had the chairs and everything flying around, and then all of a sudden there was this thing across my eye, and I couldn't work out what it was and tried to flick it off.

And they've got those little kind of like hooks on their legs to hold on, and it grabbed into my hair, and I could not get that thing off. And I'm just having a panic attack in the middle of my poor children. I don't blame you, Kerry. I mean, you must be like half plant, half human. This is why they're so attracted to you. It just would not leave me alone. It was just stuck in my hair.

It took about 15 minutes for my ex-husband now to manage to pull the dancing out of my hair without killing it. I love your work, Kerry. Lovely talking to you, lady plant, plant lady. That's such a good call. We really appreciate it. You have a great Monday. Cool, thank you. Low in calories and low in laughs.

It's Jono and Ben on my hits. Now, you give me a little task over the weekend, Jono, because I've got a microphone that plugs into a stereo at home. So now and again, I used to like doing a bit of karaoke after a couple of drinks. Now you burden me with the task of singing karaoke over the weekends. It involves me singing songs I don't really know. Sober now.

Yeah. It's Ben's Duets. I love it because, you know, it's a brand. It's a brand we're building, Ben's Duets. I can't sing. And every week I'm just, and this week I was like, I didn't know that song very well that you gave me, but I gave it a brand. It's a brand we're building, Ben Stewart's. I can't sing. And this week I was like, I didn't know that song very well that you gave me, but I gave it a crack.

Well, I feel you work best in the high note range. I don't. This is the thing. And we've come to love your unique yet lovable singing style. You're kind of like Tones and I. You know, like at first you're like, oh, that's a bit different. But then you grow to love it,

except no one grows to love you. So this week you thought, well, the hits, they love a pink song. So you gave me a pink song, Walk Me Home. That's right. It was a song I had to try and sing. But to those who are being first introduced to Ben Stewart, here's some of the... Oh, gosh.

Don't try and sweep over previous episodes. Here's some previous episodes. So, before you go... So high. Here's some previous episodes. That's Lewis Capaldi. And what else have we got? Seal. Seal. So you pair me up with the artists. They do the great singing and I do just... Oh, God, stop.

That is my favourite part. My other favourite part is you laughing and singing at the same time. I tried to laugh less in this week's one. Oh, take it a bit... See, all good, it's about time. I tried to, you know, but... So, Pink, take it a bit. See, well, good. It's about time. I tried to, you know, but. So, Pink, take me home, wasn't it?

Walk me home. Walk me home. This week, I thought I'd do one and done, no take backs. Can't do it again. I'll just give it one shot and see how I go

and it won't. Well, this is where you go wrong because recording artists, they do a few takes. Yeah, they do. But you like to capture the moment raw and real. And here is Ben,

Feet Pink. Walk me home in the dead of night. I can't be alone with all that's on my mind. So say you'll stay with me tonight. No, no, no. Because there's so much wrong going on now. Going on now. Something's in the way.

I want to cry. Came in too early there. So come on, show me how we're good. Oh, this is probably for a guy. Oh, this is painful. Here we go. Walk me home in the dead of night. Is this, are you sober? Yes.

What time of the day is this? Sunday morning. Sunday morning. Your neighbours are waking up to this? You know how you said one take, no take backs? You definitely should have done take backs. Oh, I'm sorry Pink I've taken your career back a long way

Oh well there we go Ben's duets will be back again No We've done it There's so many more songs in the world I know but no one wants to hear them 4487 on the text If you want to text and say no more to this

Or if you want to say more to this We'll have a referendum now. If the people don't want any more duets, we will stop. But if they want more, Ben, we've got to give the people what they want. It's like an encore. You know it's coming. You know you want it. Want more Jono and Ben?

You can catch up with the boys anytime. Just search Jono and Ben on Facebook. Scrolling through your feed. You sound dead inside, mate. What's wrong with you? I'm all good. Perk up. The audience doesn't want to wake up to you going, I just said I'm with this.

I didn't want to be here. And this is what I want to do. Don't bring the vibes down, bruh. Anyway, this is scrolling through your feed. And just because you've been sleeping, brewing up another batch of morning breath, doesn't mean we haven't been looking at your feed and telling you what's in the news.

Now, US President Donald Trump, he's on the campaign trail. And for many days, they've been boasting that millions of people are requesting tickets for his first political rally. And it's like, it's going to be the most popular thing. It's going to be the greatest thing. But what happened is he got pranked by a whole lot of TikTok and K-pop fans. And they bought thousands of tickets for the rally with no intention of showing up. So they reserved the tickets.

Didn't show up, so a whole lot of empty seats. I saw the stadium. It was like half empty. Yeah, it wasn't at the top. There was like no one there, so obviously they moved everyone closer. It's the best prank since his hairdresser said that. That looks convincing. Remember when we did that to Guy Williams on the TV show?

He was having a comedy gig, and we bought all the tickets to his gig. So he got all the sales. It was a small venue. It was all 20 tickets. Yeah, we bought them all and then he came out and it was just me and Jono sitting in the crowd.

And we made him do the show. We're like, do the show. He's like, please don't make me do the show. He's like, good gag, but please don't make me do the show. It was a little awkward

that he did a couple of jokes and we're like, yeah, okay, maybe that's enough. But it wasn't actually, I mean, the prank was on us because we bought all the tickets. So he actually financially gained from it and then didn't have to follow through with the show. We spent hundreds of dollars on that prank. Donald Trump at the rally.

Great. I think this is a genius theory to slow down coronavirus in America. Have a listen. When you do testing to that extent, you're going to find more people. You're going to find more cases. you're going to find more cases. So I said to my people, slow the testing down, please. Oh, God. So he's like,

if we don't do as many tests, we won't have as many cases. If we don't know it's there, we'll test it somewhere. And I think that's what New Zealand did. We didn't do as many tests. And then all of a sudden we're out there on the world saying, we've got zero, look at us. Now we're like testing again, we've got eight. Slow down the testing, well done.

Over the weekend, Prime Minister Jacinda Ardern, she baked a cake because Niamh, her baby girl, was two years old over the weekend, so that's pretty cool. And she baked a piano cake from the Women's Weekly, the classic Women's Weekly book. Oh, remember we tried to bake every cake in that book? That was a fiasco.

Cakes take a long time to do. It was. We were like, we'll do this thing on radio and TV. It's gonna, all day, we'll bake cakes. 24 hours and we'll bake all these cakes. And we baked seven of them, I think? Yeah, probably about that. We didn't factor in the actual baking time required. Which is like, bake on high for 120 minutes.

Well, you know, there's a couple of hours out of it already. Jacinda Ardern, her cake, her piano cake for Niamh had some structural stability issues. She said it's been popped up's a couple of hours out of it already. Jacinda Ardern, her cake, her piano cake for Niamh, had some structural stability issues. She said it's been popped up by a can of lentils in the cake, but she hid it nicely for the photo, so that's what counts. She put a can inside the cake. You're just propping it up.

It's all good foundation. Yeah, but of course, Jacinda Ardern, we spoke to her on Friday, and here was a little tip from her on her parenting at the moment. I eat quite a few fish fingers. I love fish fingers too. The kids love them, don't they? Kids become a great excuse to eat

chicken nuggets and fish fingers again. Yeah. So all I'm hearing from the Prime Minister is she's just slapping some fish fingers in the oven,

shoving a can of lentils in a cake to prop it up. Is this sloppy parenting? Maybe, but she's better than I am. She's running a country as well, so it's again better than you am. She's running a country as well, so

again, better than you are. And those are the things that are happening in New Zealand and in the world over the last 24 hours. Kia ora, I'm Simon Bound, and I host Business is Boring, a podcast that reckons it's anything but. Join me each week as I chat with some of the most interesting

and inspirational players in the Aotearoa business scene and learn what it takes to make it happen from accidental entrepreneurs to the brains behind some of the country's biggest brands. If you're into business or want to be, then make sure you follow Business is Boring wherever you get your podcasts.

Brought to you by the Spinoff Podcast Network in partnership with Sparklab. Wake up full of shame. Wake up with these guys. It's Jono and Ben on the hits. I'll be weaseling my way around the country in cardboard cutout form with Jono and Ben's cardboard cutout tour of New Zealand. It's worth $5,000.

We're relying on you. That's right, you. Driving in your car, not even thinking about what you're doing, heading to work. We want you to transport these cutouts all the way from Bluff back to the Hits studio. They've made it through the South Island. They made it through the South Island safely,

didn't they? Yeah, it's been one heck of a journey for these cardboard cutouts because there was a wee bit of a twist that happened unbeknown to us. And here's what's been happening with the cardboard cutouts. The journey is underway in Bluff. Bloody dark and windy and very lonely been happening with the cardboard cutouts. The journey is underway. In Bluff.

Bloody dark and windy and very lonely. Just like Ben's underpants. In Christchurch. Felix. Carry around cutouts of washed up schmucks. In Nelson. Science actually given them an extra inch at the bottom there. And we need those inches, that's for sure. On the inter-onder. Get a photo

with the hits. Jono and Ben. Cardboard cutout. From the hits in Potirua. You guys should be a little bit taller, to be honest. Hello? Today's the day, boys. What? I'm taking the cutout today.

Oh, is this the guy from yesterday? Oh, he's hung up. Oh, he's hung up. I'm really sorry. Somebody's taken the cutout. No. What can we do to get it back? If you guys can get me a personalised video message from Jacinda Ardern, I'll

release the cutout. What? If we can get a happy birthday message. Happy birthday. You've saved us, Jacinda. Daryl. Happy birthday, Daryl the truck driver. Did I ask for a video? Oh, here we go. We'll call it a day on this one, eh? I'm going to leave it just outside of Tauranga. We're back! We're back!

We're back on tour. You're in the draw for the 5K if they make it back to the Hit Studio. We're relying on you. That's right, you. So that's what happened with the cardboard cutouts. They were taken. They were kidnapped. And we got a message from Jacinda Ardern to help us get them back.

Left on the side of the road. And now they've been touring happily the country over the weekend. Yes, now they're heading to Hamilton. Today they're going to be travelling around Hamilton. Don't forget if you get a photo with them, you are in the draw for that 5K. If they arrive back safely to the Hit Studios. And we had some complaints from Northland.

The Northland chapter, Ben. Oh, really? The Hit's Northland. We are like a gang, aren't we? We've got a Northland chapter and they want to phone in later in the show because they have some questions around the tour and where it stops.

Oh, okay. But if you're in Hamilton today, 7am Ulster Street at the BP, they'll be there for a little bit, the cardboard cutouts. Get a photo, put it online, and you can win $5,000. Start your day the wrong way. It's Jono and Ben on the hits. Now, we keep getting messages on the Hits Breakfast Instagram account about your children's movie merchandise, Ben.

Me? Yeah, you come to work every day, if you haven't seen it, wearing a Toy Story 4 backpack. Yeah, it's a movie promotional backpack I got. You're quite a bag guy, aren't you? You wander around with like nine bags. What's in those bags?

You've got a backpack, you've got like a reusable bag. I see you've got a big duffel bag today as well. What are you doing? How much stuff have you got to carry around? I've got a lot of stuff, mate. Like a crazy bag. I see you've got a big duffel bag. What are you doing? How much stuff have you got to carry around? I've got a lot of stuff, mate. Like a crazy bag man. I do.

I do have a lot of bags. That's all children's movie merchandise. You love it, don't you? Well, yeah, I do. I don't mind it. I used to say, I was saying to Producer Julia, I used to have a My Little Pony backpack. It's so cute.

I got it from the movie My Little Pony. A heck of a movie. I don't know why it was snubbed at the Oscars, but it got snubbed. And, you know, I used to wander around. That was great because no one ever takes your bag in that situation. You have your computer and everyone's like, oh, that's a three-year-old's backpack. I'm not going to touch that. I would never steal from a three-year-old.

Yeah, but it was great. So do you leave it, like, lying around in a bar? Yeah, you just put it under the table, whatever, like that. The next day I left it at a bar once, and the next day someone handed it in because they thought it was a three-year-old's backpack. So for security reasons you stick with this children's. It's like being sponsored by Disney Pixar. He's even got a Beauty and the Beast G-string.

I love that G-string. Thank you, thank you. It's got the beast on the crotch. So that's the thing you're saying that I'm known for. That's what you're known for. You're known for. You're known as this guy, again, fully grown man, wandering around with children's merchandise.

I mean, even your kids have outgrown that stuff. You were gifted an adult bag as a leaving present from our last radio. And you refused to use the adult bag. I like my Toy Story 4 one. It's done me proud. It's done me proud. It's done me well. Heck of a movie. See, up until I started here, I thought, I'm the swan dry guy. No, you weren't.

You like to think you're the swan dry guy. We went to field days once, and I bought two swan drys. I got really swept up in the rural madness. Yeah. And then I get here, and producer Humphrey, he's a swan dry guy. Yeah, he can pull it off. He's got the farming background. He's from Fairleigh.

Yeah. He's milked cows and everything guy. Yeah, he can pull it off. He's got the farming background. He's from Fairleigh. He's milked cows and everything. I can't pull it off. Now, I think there's too much colourful checkered patterns going on in one radio show. It's a swan dry show. So one of us needs to become the swan dry guy. Who deserves to? Well, him. What?

Clearly him. Clearly Humphrey. Well, he grew up on a farm, mate. He didn't buy it and dry clean his swan dry half to fail days. Hey, I spilled some flat white on that and needed a dry cleaning. So I have to relinquish my title as the swan dry guy. Well, you can wear it, just not as consistently as Ben. Okay, well, never.

You're more of a checked out of life guy. I'll do up an Excel spreadsheet and we'll have a roster system as to what days we can wear our swan dry. Yeah, the dumpster clothing guy,an dry. Yeah, the dumpster clothing guy, you know? The dumpster clothing guy? That's your thing, right? He looks like he's dressed from a dumpster. Yeah, you do.

That's your thing, right? I thought it was clothing bit but now you've downgraded me to a waste management dumpster wearing cardboard boxes and old rubbish sacks. Anyway, well, it's good to be known for something. A friend of ours we were working with for a bit,

he decided he wanted to be a cowboy hat guy. That's right. What? He had this giant, big, white, diamante-encrusted cowboy hat.

It was a planned thing. He was like, you know what? I think I'm going to be a cowboy hat guy. We're like, okay. And the next day he came to work

and he did not take that cowboy hat off. We're like, okay, he really is committing to this. And you know, in America, you know, in some parts of America, that's the thing. You know, it's what people do and each that cowboy hat off. We're like, okay, he really is committing to this. And you know, in America, you know, in some parts of America, that's the thing. You know, it's what people do and each to their own, but you're like, okay, this is... And for radio, quite an inconvenient piece of headwear as well, because he's putting on headphones

over a cowboy hat, but he refused to take it off. Yeah. He stuck with it. I don't know if he's still sticking with it right now. Is he not a cowboy hat guy? I don't think, I think he's moved on from the cow, but I love that cowboy hat face. I was making a statement. Coming up next on the show on New Zealand's Breakfast, parent perks.

When you're growing up, sometimes your parents have the best jobs in the world and those perks can filter down to the children. What have you had? 0800 the hits, 4487 is the text. On Friday, we're talking about parent perks. What perks did you get as a kid based on your parents' job? Yeah, I mean, you were given the key to the school pool.

Your dad was a principal. You got to swim in the contaminated, fecal-laden school pool, whenever you wanted. We also got this great call on Friday about this parent perk. So my mum and stepdad owned a tavern when we were about, my brother and I, about year seven, year eight. So we got all the alcohol merchandise, like Woodstock T-shirts and bucket hats.

So we were rolling around school in, like, yes, Guana, all that. Purple Guana singlets. And they even got the Cracker Woody shorts and things like that. Appropriate children's merchandise. And our friend phoned up too. He grew up in Disneyland, in Paris.

His dad managed Disneyland Paris. That's so cool, right? Really cool. So, 800 of the hits. Your parent perks. What did you have when you were growing up? Rebecca, welcome to the show. What was it?

My father worked for Cadbury. He delivered the chocolate around to all the shops back then. Wardrobe was full of it. Oh, so he was like a Willy Wonka delivering chocolate and you also got quite a lot at home. The wardrobe's an unusual place for it to be kept. That was to hide it from us but I could smell it.

You could smell it. A whole cupboard full of chocolate biscuits and chocolate boxes. Nothing like wardrobe chocolate. My favourite. Just below floor chocolate. Do you not keep enough chocolate in the wardrobe? No, you don't. Did you go to the factory? No, never got to go there.

We got to see inside the truck and it's like, you know, all this chocolate, yeah, just in heaven. I always wondered if a chocolate factory actually looked like Willy Wonka's chocolate factory or if it was just full of people in boiler suits. Yeah, probably white coats. And masks. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, Willy Wonka, there's some questions in my mind

surrounding Willy Wonka. He had sort of children, just luring children into his chocolate factory. Did some go missing? Yeah, they did, yeah. No questions were asked of Wonka. No. It's like, oh, he's just this charismatic guy. Forget about him.

You know what? I'll be calling the authorities. Yeah, you're right. Where are you going? I'm going to Willy Wonka's chocolate factory. You may not come back. Anyway, I'm glad you had a better experience with chocolate in your childhood. Yeah, my kids wonder now why I can smell chocolate when they've got chocolate.

Yeah, look after yourself, Rebecca. Thank you. Thanks. On 0800 The Hits, we're heading to Tauranga. Welcome to New Zealand's breakfast, Tony O'Daily. Oh, good morning. How are we? Top of the morning to you.

To yourself, too. Your parent perks. My perks. My dad worked a lot, so I didn't get as many snacks on the bum when he was at work. That was a good perk. Oh, that's a great perk. My dad worked a lot, so I never saw him. Wonderful perk.

And your children receive perks from you. They do indeed. I just have the one. She's a miracle baby and she has been treated like a princess and acts like a princess. So Ben does too. Yeah, I do.

I treat him like a princess, don't I? You love it. I do. You're my little princess. Great. So both her father and I are both massage therapists and so every night when Irina goes,

she demands... A therapeutic massage. Massage. She has more relaxation, although she has got a couple of issues going on in the tissues. Issues in the tissues, I like that. She's getting more therapeutic at the moment. Oh, so she's getting a massage every night to put her to sleep?

Yes. Well, Jono's going to the Royal, I'm not going to make a lowbrow joke here, you go to the Royal Oak Mall for a legitimate massage, don't you? I do, it is a legitimate massage. He always says legitimate as if to insinuate it's not legitimate. Golden Fingers or wherever you go to, that's not quite. Golden Fingers was a legitimate Thai, official Thai massage.

But you do go to Royal Oak Mall, don't you? Yeah, and she's savage. She's like 89 years old, this lady. Sometimes I think she's standing on my back. But you can, you never see what's going on behind you, you know? Exactly. And they've got fingers of steel. They do.

I asked her, I was like, do your fingers get sore? She's like, no. She's been doing it for decades. Yeah, and like any work, your body gets used to it If you use good body mechanics Sometimes I fall asleep And then I wake up and I'm drooling

My drool I can see a line of drool hanging from my lips You know how you got your head through the hole And it's like made a puddle on the ground I can't relax That's my thing, I don't relax very well And so I don't enjoy a massage

he likes handing them out at the workplace though no no okay it's a bettering no I just don't enjoy I find it hard to relax

and I don't you know I get a bit tense I always get more tense having a massage than getting a massage and then I always get

annoyed that your face looks like you've got a big circle on it when you walk out of there massage face yeah you walk around the mall for the next 20 minutes what happened that your face looks like you've got a big circle on it when you walk out of there. Massage face. Yeah. You'll walk around the mall for the next 20 minutes. What happened to your face?

Everybody will be going, oh, wow, how lucky was he? He's just had a massage. True. Or got his head stuck in a rubbish bin or something. Hey, Tony, well, we'll let you get back to massaging, and you have a wonderful Monday. See you, mate. Awesome.

Okay. Like starting your day without your morning coffee. It's Jono and Ben on my heads. Spy. The What's Up Spy.co.nz. She gives us the hard facts on the saucy celebrity scandal, and if she doesn't have the hard facts, she'll just make the facts up.

Producer Juliette with Spy. Thank you very much for that wonderful introduction. Now, one of your favourite old school groups, Destiny's Child. Her mind? Or just people's in general? I think in general. In general. They're potentially reuniting.

So Beyonce's intended of talks to reunite with Kelly Rowland and Michelle Williams for a reunion tour. It's going to be called Beyonce and the Other Ones. Pretty much. So they've always said they would want to get back together, potentially, but obviously with COVID they can't really. But apparently once COVID is over and we've got a vaccine and everything, they want to go on tour, do a bit of what the Spice Girls did.

And make a crap tonne of money. Exactly. I got into a deep hole of Destiny's Child. I was watching like E! News or something. It was like the E! True Hollywood story of Destiny's Child. Manufactured by her father, Beyonce Knowles' father. So she's been the only one that's sort of been there. There's six members of Destiny's Child throughout the time.

There's been six of them. And they just all revolved around Beyonce? Yeah, I guess so. She's been the one staple member that's been there the whole way. Yeah, you're the Beyonce of this show. I mean, yeah, I could she's been the one staple member that's been there the whole way. Yeah, you're the Beyonce of this show. I mean, yeah, I could get shipped

out at any moment. Watch out, Juju, he's ruthless. He'll ship you out. It's Ben Boyce and the other ones. Keep going, your toes, guys.

Would you go to what are they? Destiny's Child. Yes, I would. I would. Although I'm a bit, like I wasn't in their prime. I wasn't old enough

when they were in their prime, but I pretty much know all their songs. You like Bieber and Jojo Siwa. Who's Jojo Siwa? I was a bit too young. Okay. In between. You liked Bieber.

You went Bieber crazy. You had a Bieber themed room. Bieber fever, as they call it. It's called Bieber fever. It's far worse than coronavirus. So no other updates on that, but it's something that's potentially going to happen.

And Tom Petty, his family, so over the weekend at Donald Trump's rally, he played this song. Well, I won't back down. And Tom Petty's... I bet it's appropriate. He's not wanting to back down. I love Jono.

Jono, say your joke about this song. What? How he wrote this song. Who? Do I have a joke about this? What is it? You remind me. I've got Alzheimer's.

I'm getting very old. How's it go? Oh, well, I'm sure it's you. You're like, every time I hear I won't back down, you're like, Tom Petty, weren't that about a tricky driveway he had at home? Oh, that's right, yeah. He'd never reverse out of it.

He got a windy driveway and he won't back down. He will always go down the front ways. He refuses to. He's going to remember your own crappy joke. That is such a dad joke. We're like an old married couple. You've got a joke on that joke. Do I?

Remind me. No, that's not how you say it. Maybe it was my crappy joke. It's not a crappy joke. We'll talk about this in the car on the way home. We won't back out of it though, will we? No, not at all. So Donald Trump played that song at his rally

and Tom Petty's family released a statement basically saying we don't stand with Donald Trump. We never authorised him to use this song because it doesn't agree with what we agree with and what Tom Petty would have agreed with. So there's a little bit of, you know, conflict there. Because Kid Rock, I think, was probably one of the few musicians to back Donald Trump.

Right. And we're talking about Kid Rock, the grease weasel about half an hour ago. A lot of Kid Rock content this hour. But yeah, there was a photo of him in the Oval Office. I'm like, Jesus, Kid Rock in the Oval Office and I'm like Jesus Kid Rock in the Oval Office having a photo with the President

that sums that whole photo sums up the Presidency doesn't it yeah for sure put Joe Dirt in there and it really does sum up the Presidency

for more spy you can head to the hits.co.nz not Joe Dirt yeah I was wondering who that was Joe Dirt the actor

from the movie Joe Dirt David Spade? Yeah. No, I mean Joe Exotic. Okay. Yeah, yeah. We got there at the end.

I had a shocker. I apologise for the last three minutes. I've let down New Zealand, my family, and Ben Boyce, most importantly. Please don't replace me, Beyonce. You might be out, mate. Not a morning person? Sadly, neither of these two. It's Jono and Ben on the hits.

Jono and Ben's very responsible safe social distancing tour. Now you can win 5K with our cardboard cutouts. They're on tour. Just get a photo with them. They're in Hamilton today, very close to our Auckland studios, but they've caused a bit of controversy because... Joining us on the phone from the hits, Northland, from our Northland chapter.

We're like a gang, aren't we? We're like New Zealand. We've got Hawke's Bay chapters. We've got Wellington chapters. We're from our Northland chapter. A're like a gang, aren't we? We're like New Zealand. We've got Hawke's Bay chapters. We've got Wellington chapters. We're from our Northland chapter. A gang that drives around in pink vehicles, promotional vehicles. Yeah, I mean, we're not a threatening gang.

No, we're a lot of fun. We play some pink songs. We play some Jonas Brothers. We have a good laugh in the gang. And our patch is nicer, too. It's nice and pink, our patch. We've got a good patch. It's Charmaine from the hits in Northland.

Oh, kia ora, korua. Hey, lovely to be with you. Kia ora, Charmaine. Now, you're not happy. You're not happy. Our Northland chapter not happy. Yeah, I'm not happy because I've just had some other people in my studio saying, you know Jono and Ben are not coming to Northland, to Whangarei.

And I was like, what? No, that can't be right. My phones will go crazy if I tell anyone that you're not thinking of coming up here. New Zealand doesn't stop in Auckland. We go over the Brenduans and you're another three hours before the top of the country. You know what I mean? You're right. We're talking about the cardboard cutouts.

Of course, we're going to just get them from Bluff all the way to Auckland. But you're saying they need to keep going north. They have to keep going because we are one of the best tourist destinations in the country for a start, the best fishing. And I understand that Jono loves Total Bay. I do. I went to a wedding there once.

Have you been there? Beautiful place. Oh, it's fantastic. When the surf's on there, it's just gorgeous. Now, Charmaine, so Charmaine's demanding the cutouts go past Auckland

and do a tour of Northland. They'll come back with red eyes. We know what you get up to up there. Yeah, we do a lot of fishing and diving. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Salt water. Salt water in the eyes. Yeah, shocking.

You have to come. You just have to come. Well, listen, we're not even transporting them, but we can try and get them transported past. Yeah, I think it's only fair. Yeah, you're right. Let's get them up north. You've got to do the full length of the country, Charmaine.

Thank you. We look forward to having that cardboard cutout, boys. Yes, so the cardboard cutouts, will they stop here in Auckland or will they keep going up north? In fact, if you can help transport them from the Waikato to the north, we'd love you to help us out. 0800, that hits the telephone number number or 4487 on the text. Now before we go, of course, Plunkett does so much for Kiwi families.

So help them out this year's Pledge for Plunkett. Pledge an item at grabone.co.nz. And this item will be added to a fun hour box for families in need. There are items for $10, $20, $30 and $50. Or you can pledge a whole box. So help out Plunkett. Pledge for Plunkett. Grabone.co.nz.

Help a family or text Plunkett to 448 for Plunkett. Grab one.co.nz, help a family or text Plunkett to 4487 and we'll send you guys the link. You would have been an adorable little Plunkett baby. Were you a cute little baby? A little round baby, actually. I was a bit of an uggo. I had little crazy cross eyes.

Were you? I was all over the show, my eyeballs, when I was a baby. Or you can help pledge for Plunkett. And we will be back tomorrow at the same time, six o'clock, for New Zealand's Breakfast. This is Jono.

Want more Jono and Ben? You can wake up with the boys' weekdays from 6 on the hits and via the iHeartRadio app. you