Jono, Ben & Megan - The Podcast - June 29 - The A To Z Of New Zealand, Ben's Duets, Have You Worked For A Famous Person?

Episode Date: June 29, 2020

Happy Monday! On today's podcast we call Broadwood (or so we think) for our A-Z of New Zealand and end up chatting to some absolute Kiwi characters. We also wrote a parody song about David Clark's recent controversial antics. Also Ben had a humbling experience at the courier when he saw their #HallOfFame! Enjoy ladies & gents!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Just when you thought you couldn't get enough of Jono and Ben, you can have them anywhere, anytime. Welcome to the Jono and Ben podcast. Oh well, here we go, another podcast, another number one on the iHeartCharts. Doesn't it get tiring, Ben? Oh it does, number one, you know, it's tough at the top, isn't it? Oh finally, you're rolling with this number one thing. I should be. Usually he gives a disclaimer saying we're not actually number one.

We are, we are number one. If you listen to the podcast before, you'll know that we're not number one But today on the show Today on the show What did we have today on the show? I always struggle to remember what was on the show So do you because you're licking your lips and you're looking off to the distance Yeah, look it's a show

Oh we had nutritionalist Dr Libby Yes Dr Libby who says we're all sleeping wrong, we're all starting the day wrong. Yes, she's on the show. Basically, whatever you've been doing as a human being, wrong. Reset. And also on the show, probably too much. Too much within three hours of radio.

But you can't remember any of it. No, but too much. We packed, we got a feedback for our boss. We tried to do too much today. No, I get it. Our bosses, in our feedback session, they were like, you guys were putting too many ideas in, and they weren't all great. It was crazy.

It was crazy. And actually, when they, you know, it was like a wild night out. And then the next morning, you're like, wow, that got away on us. It was like that after radio, sometimes after a radio show, and you sit down, and they're like, what was going through your head? Ideas within ideas that were half-formed and didn't develop. You know, so if you want to hear that and you want to pick it apart, you can listen to the podcast.

It's a fair call, though. It is. What were we thinking? As soon as they said it, you're like, you're right. It was like a show on meth. It was like, what? It was joy. It was like guys who were like, just way too energized.

Just going, let's do this. Let's try something else. Now we'll do this. Now we have shots. You're like, what? So anyway, you enjoy that.

We've set this up nicely for you to pick it apart yourself and decide if it was too many ideas within one radio show. Yeah, if it's innocent feedback. The radio version of Morning Breath.

It's Jono and Ben on the hits. Now, Health Minister David Clark, he's been in the news quite a lot over the last couple of months. And last week, he basically threw poor Ashley Bloomfield under the heads. Now, Health Minister David Clark, he's been in the news quite a lot over the last couple of months. And last week, he basically threw poor Ashley Bloomfield under the bus, didn't he? Yeah, he's had a turbulent run as Health Minister during lockdown.

During Level 4, I think it was, David Clark went out mountain biking with his family. Then he was caught in a sign-written van, like the Labour David Clark van at the beach in Level 4 as well. And he moved house too. It was a three-peat all through Level 4. And then obviously there's been a bit of a bungle, a bit of a debacle at the border with the quarantine. And he said it was all Ashley Bloomfield's fault. A Director-General has accepted that the protocol wasn't being followed.

He has accepted responsibility for that and has set about putting it right. So in front of Ashley Bloomfield. Yeah, and you pan over to Ashley and he just looks. He had tears in his eyes, the poor guy. I was like, oh, gee whiz, way to stand on the puppy's throat. So Wikipedia have stopped anyone from adjusting David Clark's Wikipedia page because everyone was like writing, was the minister of throwing people under the bus and things like that.

Yeah, so they've basically blocked his Wikipedia page or locked it so you can't make any changes. But David Clark, we were talking about this over the weekend, Jono, he's kind of taken the Shaggy approach to denial. You know, Shaggy had that song, It Wasn't Me, and David Clark's basically saying the same thing. Honey came in and she got me red-handed

Creeping with the girl next door Pictureless, we were both part-taken, banging on the bathroom floor. I had tried to keep her... So Shaggy had all this mounting evidence against him. I mean, yeah, Shaggy, literally she'd walked in and caught him, and he's still going, it wasn't me. There was video evidence of all the locations and all the things all over the house. He's on CCTV, and he's still going, even though this lady's on top of me

and she's not my girlfriend, it's not me. It's a strong defence. And I think David Clark's taken that same defence on. He's just, hey, it wasn't me. And it's kind of working for them. So if we can just pull you back the curtain a bit. We're a transparent programme. We've written a little bit of a song.

We have written a song. Now, I think that this song would be better if we go into a recording studio, not this one right now, not live on the radio. We go in with Aaron, who's a great audio engineer, and we record something.

We make it really tight and really good, and we play it on the radio tomorrow. So it sounds good, and we nail it. Maybe we get Laura McGoldrick, as we've done in the past, to help us out, because she's a great singer.

She smokescreens our shocking singing. She does. Whereas I'm like, we need to strike now. We need to strike now while the iron's hot. I mean, Clark... You're like, we need to get this on the radio now. We can't wait 24 hours. Today's news, tomorrow's fish and chip paper, etc, etc.

I don't know if you've heard about topicality. We wait a day, we miss. You know, Fletch Vaughan and Megan could be doing the same thing. I don't think anyone's going to be doing this. They could be taking a parody song from the 90s. Is it the 90s? If we're lucky. And they could be doing their own David Clark song.

Then we miss out on the Herald articles. It's not going to be Herald. Miss out on the street chit-chat. Miss the boat, buddy. And I know you don't want to miss the boat. I also don't want to make some extra cringy radio. I know we make cringy radio. I know we make cringy radio.

So I want to do live. So we're going to go live just to hit the topicality. People will forget about it by tomorrow. It already happened on Wednesday. We're already five days late. Okay, so you're going to set up this. I'm going to play the role of David Clark because that involves very little of the song. Okay.

And you throw all the things to me that David Clark has done, and I'll deny it. And I just, you know, bear in mind, A, this is live. B, it's a demo. The song is a quarter finished. Why are we doing it now? And C, we have no musical ability.

We can go away and make it better. Factor in those three things, and you will enjoy this. Okay? Hit the music, Producer Juliet. Prime Minister caught me red-handed breaking rules of level four. Picture this in my sign,

written van travelling to the foreshore. How can I get out of this? I'll throw Ashley under the bus. Blah, blah, blah. There were other lines that we haven't thought of yet Saw you mountain biking during lockdown

Wasn't me Even saw that you moved house It wasn't me Let COVID out of hotels It was Ashley And there we go That's where we've got to That wasn't too bad for a demo

And now there's other lines that would come in here Probably the We're not going to do that, mate. Oh, we're not doing that, mate. Okay, all right. So, yeah, I mean, that's where we got to on it. And we strike first, we strike right, and we can lay claim to that.

Put that on the internet, Juju. I will. No, please don't. Let the internet see that. Please don't put that on the internet. The internet doesn't need to see that. This is your new breakfast. Health Star rating rating still pending.

It's Jono and Mano Mahets, the A to Z of New Zealand. Yes, as New Zealand's breakfast, we decided we would commit to calling every town and city in the land of the long white cloud. And then when we're done, we're going to call the cloud as well. It's going to take us over two years. You probably heard us banging on about it before. We talk about it every day.

Well, strap yourselves in because it's another two and a half years of this. Yeah. We do one a day. We do it alphabetically. And yeah, we're in too deep now, guys, to be honest. So I really want to pull out of this. No, actually, it is a lot of fun. Every day we learn something about a different place.

Yeah. Not one person we've called has been a dud. Everyone's been fantastic. It's been amazing. The only duds have been you and me, place. Yeah, not one person we've called has been a dud. Everyone's been fantastic. It's been amazing, yeah. The only duds have been you and me, Bede. Today we're heading to Broadwood, which is a rural town 25km to the north side of Hokianga Harbour in Northland. There are 285 households in Broadwood. There are 378 males and 345 females, giving a sex ratio of 1.1 males per female. I'm not sure what part of the male anatomy is the 0.1,

but there's more men in Broadwood than they know what to do with. So we're going to head right now through to Broadwood. Kia ora, whakarapa Taurnering speaking. Kia ora, it's Jono and Ben from the Hits radio station. How are you? Good, thank you. Are you having a good day? Yes, thank you.

We're just ringing every town and city in New Zealand one a day and we're now ringing Broadwood. Yeah, you've just rung Whakarapatoa Pangaru. Wow, is that anywhere near Broadwood? 20 minutes away. Oh, can we talk to you about Broadwood? And you're from the radio station? Yeah, we're from the Hits.

It's Jono and Ben. Ah! How are you, guys? Let's talk about Broadwood. We've got a better shop. We want to promote our own shop. All right, you can promote your own shop. Why not?

We opened in lockdown. So what's your store called? Whakarapatoa. Whakarapatoa. We opened in level four. And what do you have in your store? I feel like we're just doing an ad now, but we're here now, so let's do it.

Everything, we're cutting out Broadwood. You're cutting out Broadwood? Oh, you're trying to take down Broadwood? Well, we've cut out Broadwood from our A to Z today. We've missed them, so we've called you. Last time I was up in Cape Reanga, and we were welcomed by the local iwi, and we went along the line,

and we were doing hongi. I didn't know what the protocol was in terms of, you know, some people you would kiss on the cheek and other people you would hongi. And I thought I had a good rhythm going on between, you know, shaking a hand, kissing a cheek or hongi. I thought I had a good rhythm going on down the line. It was my turn to meet the next lovely lady in line. And she went in for a hongi and I went in for a kiss on the cheek. And her nose ended up in my mouth. And she was looking at me like, I've done this for many years,

but never at any point have I had some white bald idiot put my nose in his mouth. Oh, that's a great laugh of the day. Well listen, maybe I'll have a take too when we come to Pangaroo. Look us up on Facebook. Do you know anything about Broadwood? I feel like we should at least say one good thing about Broadwood.

Broadwood's a good shop. Good area. Okay, good. And now more about your area. We're better. We've got a school and a pub. Broadwood's only got a shop. A school and a pub. Pangaru is where you're based.

What is there to do in Pangaru? We've got marais. We've just had the Whnekoopa statue unveiled here. Oh, that's cool. Oh, the Dame Finnekoopa. Oh, yes. Dame Finnekoopa. We had the bishop here last night.

We had the bishop here last night. Oh, it's all going on. All the big guns have come to Pangaroa. That's right. Always. Oh, well, good on you guys. You guys sound wonderful, and I'm glad we rang you. Even though it's not that great for Broadwood, it's great for you guys.

Yep. So give us a shout out. Whakarapatoa. Whakarapatoa. Oh, I see you's not that great for Broadwood. It's great for you guys. Yep. Give us a shout out. Whakarapa Toa. Whakarapa Toa. Oh, I see you shop here on the internet. Yeah, that's right. Oh, you've got a nice tip-top freezer in there. Yep.

We've got a new Coke fridge coming in today. Yep. All fridges, Coke, me, pickles. We couldn't get fridges delivered in the lockdown. We had to borrow everybody's from home. Oh, you were using the ones from home. We borrowed, yeah, in the marae. Oh, so is that how you were keeping the cans of Coke cold?

We've got it. Borrowed everybody's. All our local whānau and marae all pitched in to help open up the shop. We've got some flash ones now. Awesome. I love that we're two people talking to two people at the same time. It's a four-way conversation.

This is great. And in a week or two, we'll be getting petrol. Oh, wow. You're really diversifying, aren't you? Yep. And we're going to be opening up a cafe at Christmas. Oh, my God. You're moving at a rate of knots.

Yep. We've got dog food, cat food, chooki food. Now we've got what people want, horse food. I love it how you've got pickles and petrol all in the same location. Yes, it's a beautiful place.

Come and check us out one day. Whakarapatoa is the name of the shop. It's a place to be, Whakarapatoa. Pangaru in the north. Hey,

we didn't speak to Broadwood but we had a wonderful conversation with Pangaru. Yes, and you're just speaking to Nereen Paita and Sila Pomere. Yes, and he's just speaking to Nereen, Peter and Sila Pomere. Oh, it was lovely to meet you both.

Oh, well, good on you guys. Thank you. Lovely to talk to you. All the best. Thank you. Some people skip breakfast, the meal, and also this show.

It's Jono and Ben on the Hits. Ben, you've come to work and you look a little deflated and you already look deflated. You already look malnourished, but he's more deflated than usual. So, guys,

I'm producer Julia. Jono, over the weekend I went to pick usual. So guys, I purchased Julia, John, over the weekend, I went to pick up a courier, you know, like a package. It's always an exciting time when you go,

you know, there's a package for you to pick up. Well, because your Bolivian talcum powder comes in once a month, doesn't it? You need to pick that up. Yeah, that's right.

Isn't that a pain when you get home and there's a courier card that's like, you've got to come pick it up from the depot and you're like, I know there's stuff going on in the world right now,

but that is one of the worst things that can happen to a human, having to go to the courier depot to pick up the package. I was quite excited in this case because I rang them up and I said, oh, could you re-deliver it? And they said, oh, no, it's too big to put over the fence. I'm like, oh, this is exciting. Too much talcum powder. Too much.

You've overordered this. So I went to pick up this package from the courier place. And it was in the weekend, and I was waiting by the reception, and the guy was on the phone, and it was quite busy, because obviously there's a lot going on. It's fine, he's busy.

And I was looking around the office, and up on the wall they had the Courier Wall of Fame. They were like photos that they have got with famous people that have come in to pick up couriers in the shop. And I was like, oh, this is good. This is good. Nothing warms the cockle of a low-level celebrity's heart

than being asked to have a photo that will appear on a workplace hall of fame. And I looked up there and there was Mike Peru from the Hits Drive. He's made the cut. He's on there. Deservedly so. Yeah, great. Sam Wallace, who used to do this show, of course, was on TV Breakfast, now on Coast. He was up there as well with a nice photo, you know,

smiling or an arm around someone from the courier shop. He picked up his supplements or whatever he does to have a jacked up body from there. JJ and Dom, you know, they obviously got back together to pick up a courier, together and get up on the wall. And I'm like, this is great. I'm going to get asked as a low-level celebrity. You're like, this is a given.

It's Ben Boyce, the guy who used to be on telly here. The guy got off the phone, he was quite busy, he was like, hi, your package? I was like, I've got a package, my name's Ben, he's got any ID? I'm like, this is great, I'm handing out my ID, he's going to see Ben. Yeah mate, Ben Boyce.

Look back up. And he was like, oh I'll just go find your package. I'm like, no worries, maybe he's running a little late he probably wanted to go and get the 5D camera so he can get a nice high def shot of you

and him I was like definitely he'll be coming back hand over the package and I'll get a photo but he handed over the package and he was like

there you go here's your package I'm like great thank you nothing nothing so you're waiting there you've got your

celebrity smile on because I know when he takes a photo too he makes a noise which is kind of like you're doing So you're waiting there. You've got your celebrity smile on. Because I know when he takes a photo too, he makes a noise, which is kind of like, you're doing that, you're standing there with a smile and going. And I was like, to be honest, okay, that's fine. Our TV show got cancelled.

I know what we do. That's fine. I walked away. But as I walked away, he was, oh, sorry, hang on one second. I was like, yes. He was like, what was your name again? I was like, Ben.

He was like, oh, yeah, cheers. And he wrote it down. But that little bit of hope, that last little bit of hope. He was like, what's your name again? I was like, oh, yeah, Ben. Yeah, great. I'll just put that down. That's the thing.

So, yeah. You know what? I don't know why you're complaining. You're already on the wall of legends at the Lone Star in Masterton. How many walls of legends do you need to be on? I don't need to be on. In fact, you know what? I'm going to make it my mission to get you on as many workplace walls of legends as possible.

You don't need to put yourself out. No, no, this is my thing. To be honest, I don't deserve to be on there. I was just doing this for radio chat. I'm going to make up a picture that people can print out and I'll have a frame around it so people can just print it out from our Facebook or Instagram account and then they can put it on their wall

and you send us a photo of Ben on your wall of legends. Remember we were in the sushi shop that time. Oh, Bruce Lee. Yeah. Bruce Lee, yeah. He had like Drew Niemeyer, Dejamo. Vintada.

They had a lot of famous people, Manu Varavai from the Warriors all up there. Yeah. And we went in there and we were like, here we go, mate. With cameras. With cameras.

I was like, you'll be wanting to put us on the wall of legends there. And he's like, no, not really. Nothing more humbling, but fair enough, fair enough. But then also nothing more depressing than a celebrity asking to be put on a wall of legends. A low level celebrity.

Really puts you in your place, and rightly so. Okay, well, I'll get this photo sorted and you can get Ben on your wall of legends today. We'll get that organised. Wake up and smell them. Actually, no, please don't smell them. That's odd. It's Jono and Ben on the hits. Cardboard cutouts. We wanted to do a socially responsible tour of the country

in cardboard cutout form. So we got ones made and delivered to Bluff and we thought we'd see if we could make their way back up the country. The cardboard cutouts get to our studio in Auckland. If you got a photo with them along the way or if you helped them get from one place to another, you just had to hashtag JohnOnBen5KCutout

and you were eligible for $5,000 if they got back to us in the studio. Yeah, and it was your responsibility to get them back to the studio and they were floating around Auckland. Over the weekend, right? Having ruthlessly long showers, relaxing. They were on the set of Shorten the Street over the weekend,

which is awesome. They're up the Sky Tower. They did the bungee jump. They had a wild weekend. So wild, they've ended up outside of Auckland. I don't know what happened. They were very close to our studio, right? They were at one stage 100 metres or so,

and we're like, someone's going to bring them back in. We're going to give away this money. But we've just found out now they've been taken back down the country. To Hamilton. A photo of them outside a dairy was sent to us about quarter to seven this morning. A punter had seen them outside a dairy, Queensgate Ave Dairy, Super 8.

I still don't know why that punter didn't pick them up and help us out, but maybe they were on their way to work. They were busy. They didn't have time. We talked about it. We said, have you seen them anywhere? And someone sent us through the photo.

Okay, so we're going to go through to the Queensgate Ave Super 8 now. Hello? Hello. It's Jono and Ben from The Hits. How are you? I'm good, thank you. How are you? I'm good. Is this the Queenwood Ave Super 8? Yeah. Listen, we may have have something of ours, I understand,

is outside your shop right now. Are there cardboard cutouts of some very low-rent broadcasters outside your shop window? Don't know. You don't know? Oh, yeah, well, someone was saying that because we've got a cardboard cutout of us for our radio show, and someone was saying they saw them outside your shop.

Yeah, and now I'm at the shop. Oh, can you have a look outside and see if there's cardboard cutouts there? The card. Is there a picture of a guy with a bald head and another guy leaning on his shoulder, wearing way too much denim? Yeah, I have that card.

It's like John... John and Ben? John and denim? Yeah, I have that card. It's like John. Jono and Ben? Jono and Ben. Yeah, that's us. That's us. Is it outside your shop? Yeah. Oh, wow.

We found them. That's great. Thank you so much. We'll get someone hopefully to come. You leave them there and hopefully someone can come grab them and help get them back to our studios. Yeah, sure. Hey, thank you very much.

Thank you. We found them. Yeah, we got them. Okay, so what we need, if you are in Hamilton, and I'm just looking at Queen Wood Ave here, it's near the Hilton Brown swimming facility in Hamilton. If you can go to the Queen Wood Ave Super Red, pick up the cutouts, and if you're making your way to Auckland

or maybe even to Huntly, Tikauwhara, Pukakaui, wherever, and try and get them back to the studio. We can give away the $5,000. And, of course, you get a photo taken with them, and you'll be eligible for the $5,000 as well. Easy as that. Problem solved. We started this morning.

It was a dark day. It wasn't a dark day. And Heidi, even our producer, handed us a book to give away, which was true stories of the way people have died, many multiple ways people have died. And I'm like, really? We're going to give away, which was true stories of the way people have died, many multiple ways people have died. And I'm like, really? We're going to give this away? And then the news that the Cardboard Cutouts go, it was a bad start, but it's turned around.

Well, hopefully we can get someone to help us out. 4-4-8-7 on the text or 0800-THE-HITS if you can help transport them, even part of the journey from Hamilton to Auckland, as Jono said, or the whole way. We'd love to hear from you this morning. Want more Jono and Ben? You can catch up with the boys anytime. Just search Jono said, or the whole way. We'd love to hear from you this morning. Want more Jono and Ben? You can catch up with the boys anytime. Just search Jono and Ben on Facebook. We were just talking about our cardboard cutouts.

In Hamilton, they were found just this morning after being in Auckland on Friday. Wild weekend, like the hangover Hamilton. They've ended up there, woken up with a tiger in the Novotel or something like that. But they were outside the Queenwood Super 8. Someone took a photo of them this morning. We said if you can get them from there to Auckland somehow

if you're making your way north, that would be great. And just phone the dairy. The lovely lady we spoke to before, she's like, a guy came up in a truck, had the hits playing, he's gone with them. So if you're that person, love to hear from you. 0800 the hits, yeah, 4487 on the text. Are you going to bring them back to us or are they going to take

another journey? And don't forget if they do arrive back here and you've had a photo with them over the last couple of weeks or transported them, you're in the draw for that $5,000 cash. Cold, hard, throbbing, freezing cash. I don't know why it needs to be cold. I know, everyone's like cold, hard cash.

What about just like room temperature cash? You want some room temperature cash? Doesn't sound as cool as cold, hard, throbbing cash. You're right. I just prefer that. You want some room temperature cash? Doesn't sound as cool as cold hearts robbing cash. You're right. Now, nicknames. We're often curious how people get their nicknames because sometimes you meet people in life who you're introduced to as a nickname.

You don't even know their real name. So we want to do a little game with you. If you've got a nickname, we want you to tell us the nickname and we're going to guess how you got the nickname. A friend of mine. Oh, Bees. He's Bees. His real name is Grant. He got the nickname basically because there was a guess how you got the nickname. A friend of mine. Oh, Bees. He's Bees. His real name is Grant.

He got the nickname basically because there was a beehive in his flat. It was in his room. They found some bees in his room. I thought he had an unhealthy obsession with honey. There's been so many rumours over the years about how he got the bees. All these stories going around going, this is how

he got it. He was bribed a university tutor to get bees or he was stung by over 100 bees or he's secretly married to Cardi Bees. All these sort of things are going on. But really, it was just like they found a couple of bees in his room. And that name stuck. And that name stuck.

And it's overridden. I don't even know the guy's real name. It's Grunt. Oh, is it? Yeah. But you just know him as Bees. It's overridden his birth name. Okay. 0800, that hits the phone number. 4487 if you want to text New Zealand's Breakfast real name. Grat. Grat, oh, is it? Yeah. Oh, there we go. But you just know him as Beast. He's overridden his birth name. Okay.

0800, that hits the phone number. 4487 if you want to text New Zealand's Breakfast this morning. You tell us your nickname. We'll try and figure out the origins of it. Celia's with us. Welcome, Celia. What's your nickname? Good morning.

It's not my nickname. It's my husband's, and it's Undies. Ooh, okay, Undies. Let's see. I'm saying he doesn't wear Undies. I'm saying it's an opposite thing. Jono? I'm saying he was known for either his vast supply of underwear

or wearing the same pair of underpants for an extended period of time. Ooh, no, actually he gambled with a fart that didn't quite work out. Oh, okay. Okay, all right. And now he's... What a way to put it. It's always a gamble, isn't it? Now that's stuck.

The nickname. Yes, okay. That's unfortunate. Thank you, Celia. Nicola, welcome to New Zealand's Breakfast. Your nickname, we'll try and figure it out. My nickname is Moby Nick. Moby Nick. Oh, your father, we'll try and figure it out. My nickname is Moby Nick. Moby Nick.

Oh. Your father was a famous whale. If you're like a whale, it's not, yeah. You worked for a Japanese harpoon whaling boat? No, but that's quite close. It's close? You harpoon whales? This is controversial.

Oh, not the harpooning part, okay. It's got to do with my work. Oh, right, so you work with something to do with a nautical sort of job. Yep, yep. You're warm. Ooh. Oh, my gosh. She's really making us narrow it down now.

Like a marine biologist or something? Yeah, that's it. Oh, wow. We got one. Yeah. Moby Nick. Moby Nick. That's an appropriate name. Are you okay with Moby Nick? Do you sort of roll with it. Yeah. Moby Nick. That's an appropriate name. Are you okay with Moby Nick?

Do you sort of roll with it? Yeah, yeah, you've got to roll with it. It's not often everyone's flattered to have a nickname of a whale. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. But you're rolling with it, Moby Nick. And that's why we love you. Thank you for calling the show. We really appreciate it.

Thank you. Let's head to Wellington. Teresa, you're on the air. What's your nickname? Weed. Okay. I reckon you let go of your garden one time and you were known as a fastidious gardener

and weeds overran the garden. Okay, I'm going like you've gone through many phases. Your name's Teresa. It was Teresa Green. It was the classic gag. And then Green went into weed. No, not quite. You sounded like he was on the classic gag. And then Green went into weed. No, not quite. You sounded like he was on the right path.

Oh, my God, this is the smartest thing I've ever said. Well, you were, because when I was really young, I had a friend called Roger, and his surname was Green, and that's what my family used to say. Oh, when you get married, you're going to be called Teresa Green. So quite a hard case, that, yeah. Oh, you were there. No, no, it's not the, you're not to be called Teresa Green. So quite a hard case, that, yeah. Oh, you're a deep... No, no, it's not the...

You're not at the bottom of the story yet. OK, well, how did you get the nickname Weed? Oh, it began when I was 13, and I had a friend who... And I was a late developer, and I had a friend who just dubbed the name Weed on me, but really she was just jealous of my eyebrows. So, you know, that's how that began.

But it transformed. So everybody called me Weed. My teachers, my coaches. Really, your teachers? Oh, wow. This just seems like a bit of bullying from the teachers there. Doesn't it? I agree, I agree.

And we've got the inner workings of Teresa's puberty as well. Oh, wonderful. Teresa, you hold the line, buddy of Teresa's puberty as well. How wonderful. Teresa, you hold the line, buddy. We'll find something for you. Appreciate your call. Making poor life decisions every morning. It's Jono and Ben on the hits.

Spy, the what's up spy.co.nz. Yes, with all of the news featuring the people who are better than us, it's producer Juliet with Spy Entertainment News. And so baby Archie, as in Harry and Meg's son. Oh, just won number one on Jono Ben's banging baby list, baby Archie. Yeah, baby. He is suing the paparazzi. And also I was like, how can a one-year-old sue the paparazzi? But apparently they can.

Apparently they breached his privacy. And so there were photos when Harry and Meghan first moved to Canada of Meghan walking her dog with Archie attached to her front and paparazzi were just taking photos. So those are the photos that he, Archie, is suing the paps for. And I'm like, how is that even legal? Is it because of kid, like to do with child laws? Yeah, I think so.

I think so. And also just like, I guess, I don't know, when you think about a bunch of other celebrities being papped on the street. Yeah. Maybe it's something to do with the law. Maybe the person in the photo

who is wanting to sue the place has to do it themselves. Yeah. So maybe Megan couldn't do it on his behalf. Yeah, right. But it was actually lodged by Master Archie Harrison and the Duchess of Sussex. So Prince Harry wasn't involved in suing.

But they were the two people in the photo. Yeah, true. Yeah, maybe that's it. See, there we go. Was she doing a front pack? Yeah, she was. Did you rock a front pack, Ben? No, never really did a front pack.

You've got to have a lot of confidence to have a baby strapped to your torso, don't you? And it was real lopsided and everyone was giving her hate because they were like, you don't know how to carry a baby. And she's like, give me a break. You don't know how to carry a baby. How dare you? I know.

And in other news, Adele's album is delayed because of coronavirus. So it was initially meant to be out in September. And everyone was so excited because we all know that Adele writes the best heartbroken songs, like really sad songs. And she recently divorced from her husband. So everyone's like, right, this next album is going to be popping. Yeah.

Sad news for you, Adele, but great for the album. She's as thin as a stick now, Adele. She is. Isn't she? She's lost a lot of weight. Too much weight. Too much weight. I'm like the other Adele. Oh, she Isn't she? She's lost a lot of weight. Too much weight. Too much weight. I know. I'm like the other Adele. Oh she's happy either way

doesn't she? Yeah whatever eh. Yeah. Whatever if you're happy in your body you be happy in your body. That's right. I'm happy in my body even though you make fun of it Ben. I'm happy you're happy. You body shame me every day but I'm happy in my flabby white body. You body shame yourself.

And Kanye West he has released some new Yeezy shoes. And they literally look like, what were you comparing them to? Like Crocs that have been put in the fire. Put in the fire. Yeah. That you've regretted putting in the fire because you realise you've got no other shoes. So you pull them out quickly and then you put them on your feet. But Ben, it reminded me, you've been swept up in Kanye fashion mania before.

You love a fad. You know, you've had your Dennis Rodman years, your Ben and Em years where you dyed your hair blonde. Kanye's period where he had the sunglasses but they had the plastic lines through them. It was like looking through Venetian blinds.

I got a pair of those. I saw them in the shop and I was like, that'd be cool. But they do nothing to protect your eyes from the sun. And then they're also you have to move your head up and down to see because there are bits that are blocked out. They're quite vision impaired, aren't they? Four accidents on the way to work driving my car. But you looked topical, and that's the main thing.

Very dangerous sunglasses. And no surprises, slash kind of surprising at the same time that those heinous shoes have sold out as well and they actually look disgusting. I reckon when Kanye dies, we're going to be like, that guy, he made his mark on the world. He kind of did, eh? You're not living longer than Kanye, mate.

What? Did you think that was me reflecting on him? No, no, it'll be other people. I'll be long gone. Thanks to my flabby body, eh, Ben? For more smart, you can head to the hits.co.nz. We apologise in advance. It's Jono and Ben on the hits. One of the favourite parts of the show, I know we both enjoy doing it, is Booze Talk

ZB. We phone News Talk ZB, the talkback station, over the weekend acting intoxicated to see how long they'll leave us on here for, as a caller. Now, it's become a little bit of a game of cat and mouse. I mean, we've been on the parenting show, the gardening show, the building show, the arsonist show. You name a show, we have been on it. So we thought this weekend, to keep the relationship spicy between us and ZB,

we'd button off. Yeah, just sort of hold back, and we're not going to say when we're going to call because there's something to expect it. Yeah, ISIS when they strike. Okay, there's not, there's not, no. Is there not a good time? No, okay, there's not. There shouldn't be a comparison there. No, but don't.

Don't. Okay. So while there is no Boost Talk ZB for you this morning Or ISIS analogies. Oh yeah, no. Yeah, there's none of those. Or talking about Oh jeez, you're really throwing me right now. While there is no Boost Talk ZB this morning with us ringing up Newstalk ZB.

You can reminisce with us with a new album that we are releasing. Newstalk. Boostalk ZB. Out now. Jono and Ben present the boozy best of Boostalk ZB Volume 1. Lunch.

We'll take a break. We'll be right back. Featuring all of Jono and Ben's best bits Of booze, banter and babble On New Zealand's premier talkback station Including the time Jono pretended To be nailed on the building show With Peter Wolfcamp

I love you, I love you I appreciate the sentiment as well But maybe for another show Relive Ben Bombarding Bruce with intoxicating chants. I love it. I love the fact that the pups are open. Bruce makes me want to sing. Bruce is

our love. We couldn't continue that too long or I'd be carted off to the loony bin. How long will their slurry sessions last before they're savagely dumped? I want to send this one out to a very special lady. A lady who wears a crown

and pretend that her son Andrew doesn't exist. Oh, don't say unkind things on a queen's birthday. That's not necessary at all, is it? Ten to nine. It's not their fault News Talk rhymes with Booze Talk. Blame the laws of pun. Hey there, Tim. How's it going?

Tim? Tim? Tim! Three Tims on the Hey, Tim, how's it going? Tim, Tim. Tim, Tim. Three Tims on the radio, Timber. I'm sorry, I've had a couple of Tim beverages before starting. All right, we'd better let him get back to his Tim beverages. Jono and Ben's Very Boozy Bastard,

Booze Talks at B, Volume 1, out now. It's hard to love the Warriors. When are they going to win? You win because you take it from the others. And that's why you're the best, Tim. That's why to love the Warriors. When are they going to win? You win because you take it from the others. And that's why you're the best, Tim. That's why I love you. Like starting your day with panda eyes. It's Jono and Ben on the hits.

I'm a bit worried. My wife, Jen, she brought home a device, some technology from her work, and it's called Alexa. I don't know if you've heard of Alexa, Ben. It's kind of like a little speaker that lives in your house and you kind of ask it things and get it to do things, play things. It's kind of like having a little computerised secretary almost. Yeah, it's like an unpaid personal assistant really.

But it disturbs me because Alexa's always listening like some sort of creep in the corner, not saying anything, but just taking in every piece of information. So one day Alexa will expose everyone's skeletons when they come back to get us. It's inevitable. The robot's going to come back to get us. So I usually unplug her, turn it off, put her in the box,

but then I'm also paranoid if she's still listening in the box. And she knows what you've done too. Yeah, nobody puts Alexa in a box. So already you're off to a rocky relationship. So I've been keeping it listening in the box. And she knows what you've done too. Yeah, nobody puts Alexa in a box. So already you're off to a rocky relationship. So I've been keeping it out in the garage because I don't know how much she's listening to. I would be quite paranoid by that too. Yeah, well, I brought Alexa in this morning.

Morning, Alexa. Oh no. Alexa, morning. Good morning. So she says... The original Globe Theatre, where most of Shakespeare's plays were first performed, was destroyed by fire on this day in 1613.

So there you go, there's a fun fact. We didn't ask for a fun fact. Shut up, Alexa. We went from good morning to about the Globe Theatre. Like, I feel like I'm in a long-term relationship with Alexa that one day I'm going to get home and she's going to be like, is that Apple iPhone I smell on your breath? Like I'm going to have to explain myself to Alexa.

But you can ask her things like, Alexa, tell me an interesting fact. Alexa, tell me an interesting fact, please. Leonardo da Vinci could write with one hand and draw with the other at the same time. Oh, that's quite interesting. So she's full of information. So you can ask her, you can cheat it. You can use her, Ben.

Okay, yeah, I've looked online for some funny things you can ask Alexa. Let's see if this works. Alexa, is your refrigerator running? Yes, it's training for a 5K. Oh, that's good. Zinger, zinger. Alexa, can you rap?

She didn't hear you, mate. She didn't hear you. Go again, go again. Alexa, can you rap? I feel like I'm talking to my dad. Here we go. She's about to rap. Got my mind on a number Lucky number on mine

3.14159 My day is Pi Day Diana's circumference Infinite, irrational, without an encounter It's equal parts disturbing And cool at the same time You're like wow this thing knows a lot But you're like how?

How does it know everything? Stop Alexa Jono and Ben Jono and Ben Do Stop, Alexa. Jono and Ben. Jono and Ben. Do you know anything about Jono and Ben, Alexa? Alexa. Alexa, talk to me. Please, get me out of this. Jono and Ben.

Sorry, I didn't catch that. Jono and Ben, Alexa. Jono and Ben. Nothing says it. Sorry, I didn't catch that. John Owen Bean, Alexa. John Owen Bean. Sorry, I didn't find the device. Nothing sounds more desperate than you asking. Bet yourself. Please, please help me out here. You're making me look bad in front of my friends.

John Owen Bean. John Owen Bean, Alexa. John Owen Bean. Oh, stop, please stop. No, she's not doing it She's dying She's shut down Do I sound desperate?

So desperate Okay Validate my existence Please Alexa Please You know everything Just Jono

Jono and Ben Alexa No she's got nothing This is sad The screen's gone black This is sad I'll give it gone black. That is sad. I'll give it to you overnight. You can play with it overnight.

Okay. That's all yours. All right. You just be careful with my Alexa. I just don't want it in the house. That's why you're dipping it to me. I'll burden you with it. Oh, God.

Lou in calories and Lou in laughs. It's Jono and Ben on the hits. Now, over the weekend, our cardboard cutouts have taken a trip from Auckland to Hamilton. If you just tuned into the show and you're like, what's that all about? We put our cardboard cutouts of ourselves down in Bluff. We wanted to see if they could make their way back up the country, thanks to you guys, the listeners, transporting them from one end of the country to the other. And if they made it all the way back, we'd give everyone that had taken a photo with it

or helped get the cardboard cutouts out here a chance to win $5,000. Yeah, and they were in Auckland on Friday. That's where we last saw them. We're like, well, they're literally at one point, they're 100 metres away from the radio station. They were so close. And then came to work this morning, Humphrey, producer Humphrey, he's in a flap. He's running around

smashing his head into the wall in an absolute frenzy. They've gone missing. A photo turns up at quarter to seven from a listener who drove past a dairy in Hamilton. Queen would have dairy, took a photo of them. Someone collected them after that. We don't know who that person is. We don't know where they are

or what they plan to do with them. So are they coming back to the Hit Studio? Can we give away $5,000 today or tomorrow? We'll find out. Hopefully that's happening. But in the meantime, we're going to entertain you with a brand new part of the show that I love.

Juliet, you love. Everyone loves apart from you, Ben Boyce, it's Ben's duets. Now, Ben has a unique yet lovable singing style. You're kind of like that Tones and I artist where you're like, oh, this is unusual at first, and then you get used to it, but you don't get used to you.

Yeah, instead of the international smash hit, I've got nothing. But you make me every week because I've got a karaoke machine at home. And it started at something I used to do as fun in the privacy of my own home. You've now made it a thing that I have to do on radio. You give me a song each weekend, like homework, I have to come back in. And then producer Julia edits me in with the original artist, like a duet. Yeah, so you're like Taylor Swift,

minor the skill, talent and anatomy. Yeah, I've got nothing. Nothing like that. What I like is you give it your all. I really tried this week. It's one take, one and done, and then you're out. And so we decided on Friday it was going to be Adele. But I said fire to the rain.

Watch them fall. Watch them fall. Watch them burn. I mean, song. Big song. Big song. Tough song. If you came out on Idol and you're like, I'm going to sing Adele, they'd go, oh, tough song.

Big song. Wouldn't they? They would. They'd know. They'd know. And you're set up to either fail or to smash it out of the park. Well, this might be the week that you smash it out of the park. I hope you do.

As a friend, I really hope you do. It's not. I hope you do. Spoiler alert. It's not. Text 4487 because Ben, he needs some confidence. So you text him with some feedback after this. Honest, raw feedback.

Don't open up the lines for feedback. No. Support. And this, ladies and gentlemen, is Ben Boyce. Feet Adele. That's right. She's feet on your song, mate. All right.

Here we go. But there's a side to you that I never knew Never knew all the things you'd say They were never true, never true And the games you played You would always, you always win But I said Fire to the rain

Watched it burn as I touched your face Well it burned while I cried to the rain And I threw us into the flames. Well, it fell, something died. It was probably my career after the singing. The singing. Just, Julia, can I have a wee quiet word with you right now? Yes. Like, if you've got the option to use me singing or Adele singing in a duet, why would you go with more of me? Because it's entertaining radio.

It's not called Adele's duets. That was 90% Ben, 10% Adele. And I'll tell you what I want to set fire to, my ears after hearing that. Want more Jono and Ben? You can catch up with the boys anytime. Just search Jono and Ben on Instagram. Jono and Ben's 5K cutout tour,

our cardboard cutouts. We sent them to Bluff. We wanted them to see if they could make their way all the way back from Bluff to Auckland to our studios for us to give away $5, our cardboard cutouts. We sent them to Bluff. We wanted them to see if they could make their way all the way back from Bluff to Auckland to our studios for us to give away $5,000 if they did. They've travelled the length of the country. They've gone from the south to the north, back down to the north, and now

back further down south where they ended up in Hamilton. I don't know how, over the weekend, outside of Derry. Fine listener to the hits. Took a photo of them this morning outside of Derry. Someone picked them up, and we've been given the number of who we think did collect the cutouts just an hour ago.

Good morning, Dylan speaking. Dylan, it's Jono and Ben from the Hits. How's it going, guys? Not too bad. How are you? Oh, pretty good actually. You picked up, now, we've had intel. We've had intel that you picked up the cardboard cutouts outside the dairy this morning in Hamilton.

I did too, mate. I did too. Unfortunately, I had no data at the time right there and then to take photos. So I took photos there and briefed it back home and I've got heaps of photos of them. Oh, nice. So you've got the cardboard cutouts.

What's your plan with them now? Because it's all the responsibilities in your hands right now. Well, I believe on the back, I'm quite confused with this because it says upload the photos and all that. I've done that. But see, when it has returned safely, Donna and Ben will draw the winner. So I believe it's got to make it to Auckland.

Yeah, we do need to get it to Auckland somehow. We need to get to the studios to give away $5,000 to you or someone else. So what if I race up to the studio with it? Oh, that'd be ideal.

Are you saying do you win the 5K if you just drop it off? Oh, I see. I see the play you're trying to make here. No, you're in the draw. You're in the draw

because you've got to think outside the box, don't you? Well, that's good. That's a good play. Like, yeah. But if these boys need to do a bit more sightseeing, then I suppose I can place them somewhere if you want. Oh, well, hey, listen. They're in your hands.

Whatever you do with them, Dylan, is over to you. Awesome, guys. Awesome. Should I put these photos up? Yeah, check the photos up Hashtag the photos Dylan And treat them safely Treat them with care

I know Ben You manage Ben with kid gloves He doesn't like to be rough handled Do you Ben? No that's right He doesn't like to be man handled Oh well I've put a bit of You know the guys have got a scarf on

Oh keeping warm That's lovely I've noticed I've got Bits missing out of my face I've had a tough Yes what happened there? Tough few days on the road, guys. We got kidnapped, and the guy put gaffer tape on our faces, and I think when the tape came off, it ripped Ben's face apart.

Are they bloody buggers? It's been a hell of a couple of weeks. I'll tell you what, Dylan. Hey, well, thank you for being part of the journey, and wherever you drop it, keep in touch. Thank you very much, guys. Will they make it up to us at some stage over the next few days? Can we give away $5,000 this week?

We'll find out. The cardboard cutout to another twist. Wake up full of shame. Wake up with these guys. It's Jono and Ben on the heads. Joined in the studio on New Zealand's Breakfast by our esteemed producer. Morning, fellas. Producer Humphrey, welcome.

Now, you shared a story on Friday of someone who washed your clothes, which I think is this show's greatest claim to fame. I don't know why we haven't cashed in on it. I don't know why there's not a Herald article already on this. This was just to us in the office. We're like, we've got to get this on the radio. So explain what happened. Yeah, so a couple of years ago,

me and some mates were doing a bit of a boys' trip up the west coast of America, and we stopped in at this little town called Pismo Beach and a little beachside town. And by this stage, I don't know, it was a couple of weeks into the trip. And so I had all this laundry that I needed to do. I was starting to run out of clothes. And so I thought I'll wake up early

and I'll whip off to the laundromat and get my washing done. And I had somewhere else to be. I can't remember what I had on, but whether I was out going out for breakfast or something, but I was meant to be somewhere else. And so I was kind of watching the clock and as I was trying to, you know,

get the washing machine to hurry up, it wasn't working. And this lady noticed that I obviously had somewhere else to be. So she offered to look after my laundry. And so I said, oh, look, you don't have to do that. But I took off for a short time. And when I came back- So you don't have to do that, but you took off. look, you don't have to do that. But I took off for a short time. And when I came back. So you don't have to do that, but you took off. Yeah, I did.

Yeah, you don't have to do that. But if you could, that would be nice. So that's just basically keeping an eye that no one steals your laundry. No one steals my clothes. It's a nice thing to do. So when I came back, she had finished her wash. She'd put it through the dryer and folded it. So I had a bit of a conversation with her and I was finding out why she was in Pismo doing her laundry. And it turns out she was in Pismo doing her laundry and it turns out she was on a family holiday

from Las Vegas where she lived and she was Britney Spears' nanny. Britney Spears' nanny folded your underpants. My garments. This is the new marketing for the show. The only radio show where the Britney Spears' nanny

folded the underpants of the producer. Yeah. This is a hell of a... Britney Spears in quite a large font and then the rest of that in a really small. You'd be like, Britney Spears, wow. We'll go Tahoma 48 with Britney Spears and then we'll pull it down to a Tahoma 5.

Yeah, yeah, that's great. It's great marketing for the show. My friend of ours, sorry, my cousin. So she is a friend, not a cousin. Oh, I found it. Okay, so shaky start to your story. Feels like it's made up. A friend of ours. Oh, sorry, my cousin. So she is a friend, not a cousin. Oh, I found it. Okay, so shaky start to your story. Feels like it's made up. A friend of ours?

Oh, no, my cousin. Oh, you're not going to believe. A friend of your cousin's a friend of ours? Whose is it? You're not going to believe my story now. No. Because you've undercut it. Well, you undercut it, buddy.

No, my cousin, Nicholas, she was a nanny. Oh, you know, put a name to it. Well done. Makes it slightly more believable now. I don't know. I don't know. I'm going to finish it now.

I'm going to finish it. You're never going to finish it. So a friend's cousin's friend nanny someone. Nicola. She was the nanny. I'm going to pursue I'm going to pursue this.

She was a nanny to quite a wealthy family in Chicago. They lived next door to Michael Jordan former basketball player. Yes. Great dog.

I met you on Netflix. Yeah. She was their nanny and this was many years ago when she was sort of late teens, early 20s. Now she's got a family of her own,

a bit older. This wealthy family still fly her out to all of their family holidays around the world. Really? Like Italy, other places.

You name a place in the world. India. Probably. Okay. Yeah. So every year they go family, yep. other places you name a place in the world India probably okay yeah so every year they go family yep

they should be to France okay and they fly her and her family out for their annual vacation wow see New Zealanders are good nannies

I wouldn't be a good nanny would you be a good nanny I'd probably just put iPads in the kids hands and fall asleep drink some beers help myself

to stuff in the fridge. Well, that's the right out there. Oh, under the hits, 4487, have you worked for a famous person? I don't know if we'll get anyone on this, to be honest. Okay, well, you've issued the challenge. Ben may or may not believe your story, depending on how you start it. Oh, 800, the hits, 4487, have you worked for a famous person? Someone's texting 4487, my dear for a famous person someone's texting 4487

my dear friend was a nanny for a wealthy famous family in Europe and the lady came home and found her

dressing up in her clothes and wearing her shoes in the closet and her jewellery and that would be degrading and she just resigned

and walked out on the spot. Julia's on 0800 The Hits. Welcome. You've worked for a famous person. I did indeed for a little while, yes. Who was it? Sir Lawrence Olivier. Sir Lawrence Olivier?

Oh, wow. How did this come about? Do people still know who he is? A very famous, handsome actor. He had a wonderful moustache. He did indeed, yes. He did Hamlet and he was married to Vivien Leigh for a while from Gone With The Wind and I think he also maybe did Sir Lawrence of Arabia.

So how did you get to work with this distinguished actor? Well, I was living in Malibu. I started there as a nanny, a registered nurse, but had some work in Malibu as a nanny. And a very good friend of mine was dating his son and she heard that I was a nurse and he was in town.

His wife was filming 101 Dalmatians and he was quite a bit older than her and needed a nanny, needed a nurse, and he always had Kiwis. He thought they were some of the best nurses in the world. So that's how I got the gig.

What a wonder. There's many New Zealanders who are nannies to the rich and famous. There was a lady who was Catherine Zeta-Jones and Michael Douglas' nanny, right? That's right, yeah. Well, there you go. Must have something, eh?

Laid-back style. Yeah, it was pretty fun. There was lots of interesting guests that would come by the house, that's for sure. I got to meet a few other people that would pop in for lunch or what have you

and visit him. It was really interesting. I thought it was somewhat wasted on me because I'm not particularly, you know, I wasn't a fairs being or anything like that, but I certainly got to rub shoulders with some pretty interesting people.

Oh, name one of the big guns who came over for lunch. I'm just trying to think. Who's directors and producers and people like that? I'm just trying to think. I'm making out right now. That's all right. That's fine. I shouldn't have had a follow-up question. I put just trying to think. I'm making out right now. That's alright. I shouldn't have had a follow-up question. I put that all on me. That's my bad, Julia.

Not yours. Thank you so much for your call. You have a wonderful day. You're welcome. What a great story. Stupid, stupid Jono. Stupid asking that question. I'm an idiot. Make me fired, Ben, after the show. Joining us from Tauranga, Talia, welcome. Hi, how are you? Yeah, good.

You worked for the Rich and Famous. Who was it? I got to work for a couple of years for the Clinton Foundation. Oh, Bill Clinton and Hillary Clinton. Bill Clinton and Hillary Clinton and Chelsea Corwin. Wow. And they have a charitable initiative called the Clinton Foundation. And under that umbrella, there's lots of different charitable enterprises.

And so my boss was the business partner to President Bill Clinton, and I was his EA. Far out. Yes. So did you get to hang out with him in the same room, or that's the thing, or was this all over email? So once a year, the Clinton Foundation runs CGI, which is where all the, basically, the wealthy Democrats

and high-net-worth individuals of the world come to Times Square in New York, and they preach their charitable initiatives for the following year. And so at that event, I got to go once as the EA to my boss, and I met Sienna Miller and Ben Affleck and Randy Jackson and Sean Penn and Sienna Miller actually came up to me and I was wearing a Kukai skirt and she said, oh I love your skirt

and I was like, oh my god, it's Sienna Miller We're talking to the lady who Sienna Miller said she loved the skirt on. That's incredible, that's on the show. That's my story That's an amazing story. Thank you for sharing it with us this morning. Yeah, you're welcome.

Good on you, Tala. You look after yourself. What are you doing now, by the way? I actually own and operate a Pilates studio down in Tauranga. Oh, there you go. That job even was like a complete fluke because I was put into that role as like a temp. And the lady who put me into there when we landed in Vancouver, I was on my OE, and she said,

you're just going to do this job for two weeks. Like keep your head down. Don't talk to anyone too much. Like dress really well. And then I ended up being offered a permanent job there. Oh, that's a really cool story. Just keep your head down. That's what we're just trying to do with this new job, to be honest, Talia.

We're just trying to keep our head down. You have a good day. Thank you with this new job to be honest Talia we're just trying to keep our head down you have a good day thank you so much for listening I love you guys too bye all the best

start your day the wrong way it's Jono and Ben on my heads the 5k cutout tour if you don't know what that is we'll have a listen

to this the Jono and Ben 5k cutout tour is an Aotearoa odyssey want to see if the cardboard cutout makes its way

back to Auckland we've sent cardboard cutouts of Jono and Ben on an epic trip around New Zealand, but there have been many challenges. I really don't think we're going to make it back. The challenge of Tim Shadbolt not knowing what this is. Welcome to the... The challenge of young, unenthused workers.

You're sitting in a car, you're scared to go outside, it's too cold and windy, and you'd rather be at home in bed. I'm taking the cutout today. You could win $5,000 if you help them get back to our studios. This is exciting. The whole town would be talking about it. Really? Okay.

We said, take two. The whole town's talking about it though,? Okay. We said. Take two. Get ready for the excitement. The whole town's talking about it though, aren't they? Oh, absolutely. Yeah, I thought so. The Jono and Ben 5K cutout tour continues. So the cardboard cutouts

of Jono and myself, they started in Bluff. They made their way all the way up the country thanks to you guys. Giving it like a relay on from one person to the next. Everyone that got

a photo with them is eligible for the five grand as long as they get back to us in the studio. Now they were in Auckland as we said before over the weekend. Yeah we saw them with our own eyes on social media. They were really close to the studio. Yeah and all they needed to be doing was drop back here and we'd give away the $5,000 if you'd transported

them or had a photo with them along the way. But they've gone missing. No one knows where they are. This is not us. We haven't done this. Not to give away the $5,000. We want to give away the $5,000. It would be a great play from us though, wouldn't it? Yeah, it would be quite smart. Save the company $5,000. Bogsy, the CEO, would love that, wouldn't he? The bottom line

would look better with that $5,000 still in the box. But no, we want to give it away. It's only fair that we give this away, but we need to find these couple cutouts. So if you've seen them anywhere, well, we don't know where they are. If you've got them, we'd appreciate them back. They've been taken off us once before.

They've been kidnapped. But we've had no correspondence with anyone. They've just disappeared this time. So you're potentially holding $5,000 from your fellow hits listeners if you hold on to these. You're right. Okay. This is a plea.

Do I sound emotional? You sound a little emotional. It's quite deep and meaningful, isn't it? So, yeah. I mean, text 4487. You can remain anonymous. You know, we won't put you on the radio. Just if you know where they are.

That's it. We just want the back. We just want to give away the money today. That's all we wanted to do. Mainly because we've got nothing else to talk about. So, if we don't have this five grand to give away the money today. That's all we wanted to do. Mainly because we've got nothing else to talk about. So if we don't have this five grand to give away, we've got to think of something else to do after 8 o'clock. Yeah.

You know, it's not ideal on a Monday morning, Ben. Well, no, that's right. We wanted a cash giveaway with someone going, oh, my God, crying, you know. You want a way to start your week. Yeah, we'd planned that. And I was like, oh, that's an easy break. But that's gone from us, and that's the most disappointing thing.

Not the five grand. Maybe that's more disappointing for you. Not the five grand. Maybe that's more disappointing for you but for us, it's that hot emotional radio connection. That's right. Okay, so if you do know

anything about them or whether we have seen them or if you have seen them or whatever or if you know someone who knows someone. We're guessing around the Auckland area.

Yeah, because I like on Police 107 they're like, you know, Police what? 107. If you know any information, just call. Call. Oh yeah. You can remain anonymous. We won't narc you know any information, just call. Oh, yeah.

You can remain anonymous. We won't narc you. We're not narcs. We won't get you shanked. That's the show's ethos. Don't get anyone shanked. When we started this program, that was our main cause, wasn't it? And so far, so good.

Yeah, no one's had a shank. Juliet, have you been shanked? No, not yet. Exactly. So the cardboard cutouts, hopefully we can get them back today and we can give away that money either before the end of the show. It would be nice. Like starting your day without your morning coffee.

It's Jono and Ben on the hits. Scrolling through your feed. Yeah, we've been up all night scrolling through the news. It's like living in the Northern Hemisphere, isn't it? Well, look at you. You've been up all night? Things that were going on over the last couple of days. I want to start by talking about Super Rugby.

Of course, it's great to see the crowds back, and it's really awesome. Did you go to the game on Saturday? Did you end up going? No, I didn't in the end because we were working seven days at the moment. Producer Juliet went along. It was a really good game. I watched it on TV. Really close game, wasn't it?

Yeah, it was so good. The Blues Highlanders. Yeah, it was really good to watch. But yeah, my God. I was sitting there for about 10 minutes trying to figure out who was who because the Blues were in white, the Highlanders were in blue. It was just very confusing. That was the most confusing thing for me.

Yeah, because one of my daughters, Sienna, was like, oh, should we watch a bit? And I was like, that's cool. And she was like, what team do I support? And I'm like, well, you were born in Auckland, you know, the Blues. And she was like, oh, the Blue team. I'm like, well, no, they're playing in white.

So who are the Blue team and not the Blues? I was like, well, they're the Highlanders. But she was like, why is that? And I was like, oh, look, I don't know. But she was like, why is that? And I was like, look, I don't know. Why is that? Like, why did they need to do that? You're acting like this was the most confusing thing ever. But once you've got your head around it, it wouldn't be so...

But why call the team the Blues and they're playing white on their home turf and then let the Highlanders come up here and play in a blue colour I've never seen them play in before, similar to the Blues jersey. It made no sense. I know. It's like when the All Blacks play Scotland and they are playing away and they have to wear white. Yeah. It just confuses things.

I know what you're saying. And the Warriors, you know, I'm a big Warriors fan, but they play in about 400 jerseys a year. Different jerseys. I feel like half time they change into another jersey and come back out with something else. No, you'd have to take out a mortgage if you like supporting the Warriors. Yeah. If you passionately like supporting them. They've released like a tartan swan dry jersey,

didn't they? I mean, they've just gone, whatever design we can put on a jersey, we'll put on. Couch coloured, velvet curtain Warriors jersey. An Anzac one over the weekend, which they obviously couldn't get to play in

because their games weren't during Anzac weekend, but it was just like a green, it was like, I don't understand, I don't know what, anyway, they've decided they'll go through all the different jerseys. It's just confusing. The Warriors jersey designer must be under the pump

having to create a new one every week. No one is working harder in the Warriors than that jersey designer. You're right. Poor Warriors, though. You know, they're having a bit of a tough time. Oh, yeah, you were saying that when they lost on Friday night, the Melbourne Storm coach came in and had to console them in the dressing room. And two of the top players as well came in

and sort of gave them a bit of a pep talk. Because the Warriors, as we know, they were away from their families. They made a huge sacrifice going over to Australia for four months. And you had the coach gone. Stephen Kearney was gone. So everyone's feeling for the Warriors right now.

None of it makes sense to me. I don't know why they got rid of Stephen Kearney and had to pay him out $2 million, but then didn't have a coach to come in. So then they've left the team essentially coachless. I guess the assistant coach has come through now. Also the opposition coach, I think. He's helping as well.

I think that's how it works. So the Warriors are out of pocket two mil and don't have a coach and they've rattled the team at the beginning of the season. It seems like, hey, other stuff's going on. Stuff we don't know about, Ben. You're probably right. I feel really sad for the Warriors. And also in the last 24 hours, Kanye West has released a brand new pair of shoes, his Yeezys.

They're sort of white and they look like, they're quite similar to Crocs. Yeah, and they're getting reamed on the internet, even though they're sold out, I think, in about two hours. They look like a pair of Crocs that you're like, I'm never wearing these, and you threw them in the fire, and then you were like, uh-oh, I've got no other shoes, and then you pulled them back out of the fire. They're kind of melted Crocs, aren't they? The internet is going crazy with all sorts of things that they look like.

Freddy Krueger's face, a plastic washing bin. Oh, a washing basket. A washing basket. They look quite a lot like those. You wouldn't want to wear them on a wet weather day. There's quite a few holes in them. Oh, a basket. A washing basket. They look quite a lot like those. You wouldn't want to wear them on a wet weather day. There's quite a few holes in them. Oh, a bike,

a white bike helmet. They look like a lot of things. We'll check them up on our Facebook page actually. The Hits Breakfast, you want to check them out. The New Yearsies. You've got to have

a lot of confidence in yourself to wear a pair of Crocs, don't you? You've got to have a lot of confidence or be working as a health professional. Yeah, I think that's right.

Nurses can get away with it but, you know, if you're just a Joe Public. We wanted to do Croctober, didn't we, and see how long the two of us could wear Crocs. We should do it. Every day. We pitched it to Crocs and they thought, well, no, you're just mocking us here. Why would we come on board with a campaign where essentially you spend four weeks mocking our product?

So on the 1st of October, Jono and I have to wear the same pair of Crocs, no matter what function we go to, weddings, you know, funerals, doesn't matter. We've got to wear it. And the first one to tap out has some sort of punishment. I think we should do Crocktober this year. I'll see if the fine people at Crocs have changed their mind on the concept. Not a morning person? Sadly, neither of these two. It's Jono and Ben on the hits.

So every night I read this story to my daughter Poppy. And my son Oscar, he reads me Harry Potter and then puts me to sleep. Gives you a bottle, a Heineken bottle and puts you to sleep. Changes the nappies. Burps me.

That's the thing with reading kids' books too. Like you get so, like you're so tired. I just find myself just trying to go skip three pages ahead. You know,

you try and fast forward through the book. But they get, the older they get, they cotton on to you. They start watching the words. They want to get their word count up, don't they? Yeah. And so I never try not to let them see the pages then. I try and also paraphrase too.

You try to like, you go, oh, yeah, you kind of read ahead. You're like, so anyway, he went off there and there was stuff going on. One fish, blue fish, there was some other fish there. There you end, Dr. Seuss. That's not important right now. There actually isn't a Gruffalo, but anyway. So we went to the Gold Coast a couple of years ago. And in the Gold Coast.

What are you talking about, actually? Down that main moor on surface. The main moor. They have the Ripley's Believe It or Not Museum, which is a wonderful trashy tourist. And we walked past it and Poppy, my daughter, there was like a model of a guy out the front with swords through his earlobes or something like that. She's like, we've got to go in there. I was like, do we?

Anyway, went into the Shabby Ripley's or Not, Believe It or Not Museum. And every time they're like, believe it or not. But all the time I'm like, well, I believe it. Or else you wouldn't go to the trouble of making a statue and a display and putting a lot of money into this museum. So it's like, do you believe it or not? Well, I believe everything in here because you've done a wonderful job of turning it into a museum.

So then we left and they've got all the, you know, you can't walk out of those places without going through the gift shop. Oh, it's so well done how they designed that. Oh, and every parent's worst night. It's basically just the put it down shop. All you hear is parents going, put it down. Put it down, we're going. Yeah, yeah.

Can we get that? No, we don't get this. Put it down, we're going. Yeah. Anyway, I've got to suck it. She caught me at a weak moment. She's like, we've got to get all of the, like the encyclopedia of all the Ripley's or not,

believe it or not, freaks in a book series. So this is her favourite bedtime reading. And I'm reading her stories about, you know, the world's tallest man, the world's shortest man, someone who swallowed an entire draw load of cutlery. Really? There's a lady who ate a watermelon whole. How do you eat a watermelon whole?

It's like sitting in her mouth. Shut up, watermelon. So this is her bedtime radio. Well, that one I don't believe. But hey, but I don't believe. Oh, you don't believe that one? Yeah, but I'd like to. But they went and took a photo of her.

They travelled to whatever African village she was in and they were like, yeah. What would you be if you were in Ripley's Believe It or Not? What would be your talent? What would I believe or not about you?

I don't know. I got until like seven, eight years old and I stayed about the same size. The amazing man boy. Maybe. I got the magical disappearing hair man. So, yeah, Ripley's Believe It or Not. Oh, there was another lady with the world's longest eyelashes and the fingernails

ladies. Oh, they were in the Guinness Records. Yeah, the Guinness Records. It would just be like amazing how they let them grow but then so inconvenient, right? Yeah. Apparently, I was reading the other day actually that the lady with the world's longest fingernails, she was in a car crash and that's how they broke off

and she was devastated. Not that she was in a car crash, but because her nails had fallen off. Oh, her nails broke off? Yeah. Oh, well, I mean, if you put that much time and effort into growing your nails that long, you would be devoured. What about the... Imagine her turning up to Professionale at the mall or something and going, it's still 20 bucks for me to give my nails. They'll be like, oh, now you're taking the piss. I was showing you the book. Remember when there was the lady with the world's biggest

bosoms? Oh, yes, yes. Yeah, shit, they are enormous. What's her name? I don't know if we can say it on the radio. Shit, like a fun pun name. Remember? Well, no, I know what it is now.

You have to spend a bit more time in that section than I did. It's research. And then my son. It's my daughter's bedtime stories Ben Oh right sorry And my son was like Oh there's a genital section too And he's like

There's 21 penises in there He's counted up the penis The penis count So yeah that's my kids bedtime reading I'm raising some disturbed children Want more Jono and Ben? You can catch up with the boys anytime. Just search Jono and Ben on Facebook.

Spy. Know what's up? Spy.co.nz. Just because the world is crumbling down around us doesn't mean the celebrity gossip stops and she's here to give it to you. Producer Juliet with Spy. Thank you.

So Russell Crowe and Ed Sheeran have admitted to drinking shots out of Johnny Cash's Grammy Award. So what happened was Russell Crowe, he boughteran have admitted to drinking shots out of Johnny Cash's Grammy Award. So what happened was Russell Crowe, he bought the Grammy at an auction. Firstly, I didn't really know that they could Grammy off, auction off Grammys. That's quite interesting. That's what I found. And he had it in his farm in Australia.

And when Ed Sheeran came to visit, it was like, oh, you got Johnny Cash's Grammy, mate. Do you know what they do with Grammys? There's a reason Grammys have a horn. It's for drinking shots out of it. So they went and got a bottle of Jack Daniels and just did shots out of Johnny Cash's Grammy. I always wonder, you know, like, when you see the All Blacks win the Rugby World Cup

and they pour it all and they all drink it, I'm like, meningitis, guys. Or nanengitis. You wouldn't be doing that nowadays, would you? No, you wouldn't. I remember that story. I remember that story. I remember Ed Sheeran in an interview saying he was on his Australian leg of the tour,

a worldwide tour, and he was exhausted. Like, just run down. And Russell Crowe, he had never met before, just messaged him and said, do you want to come and stay at the farm for a few days and relax? And so, came out to Rusty's farm, rode a bucking bronco butt naked. I don't know, I just made that bit up. But maybe. That's so cool. That's a very cool way.ing Bronco, Butt Naked. I don't know. I just made that put up. But maybe. That's so cool.

That's a very cool way. I like it when famous people help. I just spat all over the microphone. I like it when famous people help. We're talking about meningitis. Other famous people. Don't you like that? I like it when hot people hook up with other hot people. I'm like, you're better than me.

Oh, yeah. For sure. Make more hot people. It's what the world needs. No, I'm just kidding. Right now, because Keith Richards said, speaking of something like that. From the Rolling Stones's what the world needs. No, I'm just kidding. Right, now, because Keith Richards said, speaking of something like that, We're on the Rolling Stones.

We're on the Rolling Stones. Keith Richards said that he would snort up his father's ashes as a tribute to his dad. Who would you snort out of all of us, Ben?

Well, if I, like, I couldn't even eat a music bar that fell on the ground just before. Yeah,

a music bar was on the ground for 0.2 of a second and he's like, oh, I can't do that. Juliet's like, that's still edible. So she's now eating it. Who would you snort though? I'd rather not. I'd snort you. Would you?

You look snortable. Would you snort him producer Juliet? Probably not. No. Who would you snort? No one. Oh, no one. No one's playing this game with me. Probably Ben's muesli bar. Jono's game of who would you snort? No one. Oh, no one. No one's playing this game with me. Probably Ben's muesli bar. Yeah, yeah. Shono's game of who would you snort,

no one's playing part for me. Not even my, no. Should I move on to the next part? Yeah, please. Okay, cool. Text 4487, who would you snort? And Miley Cyrus, this is some audio of her singing The Beatles' Help.

Help, I need somebody. Help, not just anybody' Help. So good. So she was part of a virtual concert to raise funds for people who have been affected by coronavirus, like families and nurses and everything. So it was part of a concert that was hosted by Dwayne Rock Johnson.

Heaps of other artists performed, but this was my favourite part. And the concert raised over $6 billion. I can tell it was your favourite part. You're just a little shoulder shimmy there. Just a little shoulder. I like country sounding, Miley. Don't you?

Yes. That last album was kind of a lot along these lines. It was very cool. Yeah, it was. I feel like she just can cover anything and everything and just nails it. I don't know, maybe I'm just a bit biased. Do you think old Hemsworth's sitting there hating life, watching her?

Do you reckon there's disdain there? I don't know. Well, she's dating Cody Simpson now. You know that young guy? Oh, he's in the Bond's undie commercial. He's got a wonderful torso. I'll snort him. I'll snort him.

Chop him up. I'll snort him. From all the way you can head to the hits.co.nz. I didn't know he was an option. Oh, okay. Now you've changed. I'm offering myself up for a snorting. Oh, no.

No? I've seen what you do, you buddy. More painful than your alarm clock. It's Jono and Ben on the hits. Now, thanks to Destination New South Wales, we've got some amazing trips to give away. And right now, Jono, we're about to give away one to someone that's entered. The adventurous couple

which we said was actually in hindsight when we advertised for an adventurous couple on the internet. I wonder why more questions weren't raised in the brainstorming session there but hey, who am I to say? We've got some interesting entries, let's just say that. I've had to filter through them all myself I chose that job.

Some of the stuff I've seen. Well, let's call one of the adventurous couples and congratulate them on winning an amazing trip thanks to Destination New South Wales. Okay. Let's hope they can unzip their masks so they can talk on the phone. No, it's not like that.

You can find out more at visitnewsouthwales.com and also register right now at the hitstockcode at NZ. Hello, Catherine speaking. Oh, Catherine. Hello, Catherine speaking. Catherine. Hello. Is this adventurous Catherine? Oh, my gosh.

Yes, yes, that is totally my top pick. You wanted to go to New South Wales. You said you're quite adventurous. You like the idea of having a holiday over there and doing some adventure stuff? Absolutely, yeah. We don't want to sit still. We want to do stuff. Well, we're here to tell you, you didn't win.

Oh, that's okay. Oh, that's all right. But then I'm here to tell you again, you did win. You did win. You did win. Are you serious? Yes, I'm serious about that. I don't know why Jono confused things.

You won. Oh, my gosh. Thank you so much. Oh, my gosh. That is so awesome. Oh, my gosh, thank you so much. Oh, my gosh. That is so awesome. Oh, what a way to start the week. You even self-censored yourself there. It might have been a swear word.

Oh, my gosh. Catherine, you sound awesome. This is what you've won. Check this out. Thanks to Destination New South Wales. So you and whoever you want to take are going to enjoy a night in Sydney at the Funky Collectionist Hotel.

Funky. Explore the city's alternative and ultra-hip Newtown neighbourhood. Ultra-hip. Next day, take a road trip to Jervis Bay on the New South Wales South Coast. South Coast. Grand Pacific Drive. Grand Pacific Drive. One of the most spectacular drives in the world. You'll enjoy kayaking, paddle boarding,

dolphin and whale watching, and two nights glamping at the peaceful bush retreat paperback Camp Jervis Bay. It sounds incredible. Oh my gosh, I can't believe I won. Oh, hey, thank you so much for listening to the hits to the show. Have a wonderful Monday. What a way to start a week.

We're all talking. Here's some words. You've got four more trips, great trips up for grabs. Head to thehits.co.nz. It's all thanks to Destination New South Wales. Visit newsouthwales.com. What a fun way to end the show, eh? Wasn't it, James?

I had fun today. Did you have fun today, Ben? I did have a lot of fun. Another trip to give away tomorrow on the show. We'll see you then. Want more Jono and Ben? You can wake up with the boys' weekdays from 6 on The Hits and via the iHeartRadio app.