Jono, Ben & Megan - The Podcast - May 04 - Suzanne Paul, Booze Talk ZB, Your Lockdown Eating Accomplishments

Episode Date: May 4, 2020

Scrolling Through Your FeedWin An AdWould Jono wear contact lenses?Controversial CalloutsSpyLost & FoundSuzanne Paul called inWho have you met in the bathroom?Around The NationJono's parents on technology...Booze Talk ZBLockdown eating accomplishments... We want to hear yoursMothers Day is this SundaySee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Just when you thought you couldn't get enough of Jono and Ben, you can have them anywhere, anytime. Welcome to the Jono and Ben podcast. Welcome to the podcast on May the 4th, Star Wars Day. I think officially they've claimed that one, haven't they? It's the one that, what did you do last week? You're like, it's gonna be May. I think it was gonna, it's gonna be May. You tried to get that thing going.

Yeah, well now Star Wars do the May the 4th do with you, which is quite nice. Which is more of a rock solid sort of pun, isn't it? Yeah, it is a nice idea, isn't it? Now, Ben, on Friday night I saw a photo of you passed out on the couch. Yeah. Drinking your problems away. How are you getting, buddy? I just get very tired, you know, big week.

It is. I find that too. You wake up so early that, you know, come Friday afternoon, you're just a bag of... Yeah. You know, you sort of start your Friday night a little bit earlier. Yeah. And then you sort of... You peter out by bit earlier, and then you sort of fade out. You peter out by 4.30, you pass out on the couch, and the kids are going, why is Dad such a bad father?

Yeah, so anyway, while we'll smoke screen that, let's get into today's podcast. It's a fun one, enjoy. The Songy Corn Flakes of Radio. It's Jono and Ben on the hits. Scrolling through your feed. Sorry, Producer Juliet, I started talking and then you were doing your job properly. That's okay. You were very astute. Sometimes I don't know when to play the thing, so I just play it. It's like, stop talking now, guys, stop talking.

Now, it is Monday morning and the Warriors, yesterday, the Warriors League team have gone to Australia. I saw that on the news last night and very emotional. They're hugging their babies and hugging their kids. Not all of them had babies, but they weren't just grabbing random babies and hugging babies, but you know saying goodbye to their family members. So they won't come back for five months. That's what they reckon. Unless they relax the border restrictions between Australia

and New Zealand, they could be over there potentially without their families for five months. Just getting tackled by Aussie bogans with neck tattoos. Yeah, and living in some sort of North Queensland town or something at the moment. It's a heck of a sacrifice to make when you think they went into the season going,

oh, I'll play a game in Australia, I'll play a game here at home, and they're having to go over there for almost five months. Well, because you're saying it's just impossible for the Aussie teams to come here because they'd have to isolate for two weeks once they'd landed. Yeah, unless they start that whole trans-Tasman thing

where you can kind of fly between. That's it. The Warriors will be stuck over there for five months. Yeah, it's tough. You're saying like the New Zealand cricket team, when it's all normal, literally aren't home for 11 months of the year. Yeah, it's a heck of a sacrifice.

You don't really think about it. You're like, oh, what a sweet job playing international sport. But yeah, these Warriors are doing it tough at the moment. Also today, May the 4th, and it is Star Wars Day. And I found some interesting facts on Star Wars, Jono. Do you know I started watching it on Disney Plus with my son over the weekend?

Of the originals? The originals. And he's like, fake, fake. I'm like, mate, for the time, it's pretty cool. Just think back to the technology. He's like, fake. And he's like,

he's hooking up with his sister. Who's he hooking up with? Yeah, but you don't know some of these things later. There's a bit of tension going on there. There is. What base did he hit? I don't know if he did, but there was some, you know, things later. There's a bit of tension going on there. What base did he hit?

I don't know if he did, but there was some, you know, some mastodon sort of tension going on between family. You've been there before. You grew up in mastodon. So here's some facts on Star Wars because it is May the 4th, International Star Wars Day. A Yoda in the original movie was almost played by an adorable monkey with a cane. That's what they wanted originally.

A real monkey? Yeah, like a real monkey. Like the Cadbury Griller who was playing the drums. That's what they wanted originally. A real monkey? Yeah, like a real monkey. Like the Cadbury Griller who was playing the drums? That's what they thought. Harrison Ford wasn't originally in the running for Han Solo. In fact, he was the actor hired to read lines with the other actors. Off camera? Off camera.

And they went, oh, actually, we kind of like this guy. Let's give him the job. What happened to the original? Well, so apparently people like Al Pacino, Jack Nicholson, Christopher Walken were all rumoured to get the role, but they really liked the way that he read lines to the other Harrison Ford. He's like, I'm just here, I'm just the script reader, guys. To the other Han Solo, sorry.

And James Earl Jones, who was the voice of Darth Vader, was only paid seven and a half grand and it took him two hours work. For the whole film? Yeah, for the whole film. He's probably like, you know, when you bang dollar for your buck. Yeah, he's probably like pretty sweet, right? It's a pretty good rate. And then it became an international blockbuster.

But I said before how I delayed the filming of one of the Star Wars movies. So Jay LaGuardia, who's a Kiwi actor, a very funny guy as well, who's in Water Rats, he has a kids' show, Jay's Jungle. He's been on a lot of things over the years. Yeah, I love Water Rats. It's not about rats in the water. They're the police on the Australian Harbour. Exactly. So

the first TV show that I did was a sports comedy show and he came along to do some basketball stuff. This is episode one and he's just mucking around, like not mucking around, just doing some basketball shooting around with tall black Dylan Boucher. Nothing strenuous. And he went, uh-oh and his kneecap had snapped in two.

And he was such a professional he was like okay what you guys because we were like we were like oh 19 didn't know what we were doing oh god

and you were probably like vomiting when you see those injuries and he's like what you guys are going to need is a piece of cam to get you out of this a shot to get you out of this

get the camera down here and like he did he did talking to the camera the stretches came to John's game he was taken on an ambulance so he was directing the whole shoot with his snapped kneecap.

We were like, oh my God, it was amazing. And then so that delayed, he was meant to be in Star Wars, obviously. And they delayed the filming of Star Wars. How was your insurance? Yeah, well, we didn't have insurance at the time. Yeah, so thank you, Jay, and thank you, Star Wars, for not suing us there.

Lucas come charging you with his lawyers? Yeah, it could have cost a whole lot of money for a free shoot. Remember to double pump the vogels. It's Jono and Ben on the hits. Don't tell the sales department because it's Jono and Ben's winning ad. Yeah, this is where we give away our advertising for free. And it's a pretty, I tell you what, in the world of commercial radio, this is frowned upon.

It is. There's no one in the building. We keep saying that. So we keep doing that and no one's gotten contact with us. Maybe because we haven't latched onto the work email system yet. Yeah, I refuse to. I refuse to log on just so I don't have to see any backlash from this particular segment on the show, Ben. Because I know when people come back in the building, buddy, there's going to be people in suits with pinstripes running down them

from the shoulders right through to the ankles. You mean the sales department? The sales department. And they're going to have silk shirts on and long, black, greasy hair. And gold chains. When was the last time you saw someone from the sales department? Am I painting them out to be like a mafia boss? Yeah.

Anyway, we're going to give a free ad to a place that probably doesn't need a free ad because they are extremely popular and they're back open again as of a couple of days ago. Ferg Burger in Queenstown. Now,

this was a place that Ed Sheeran said was the best burgers in the world. I've never, and he's been everywhere. That guy, there's no place

that guy has not been. And I've never had a Ferg Burger personally. No, I haven't either, but I hear like nothing but amazing things. Sometimes when you hear nothing but amazing things and you go somewhere, you're like, oh.

Because it's been built up too much? Yeah, well, he shares it was the best in the world, but. Hello, Steve speaking. Oh, hey, Stephen, it's Jono and Ben calling from the Hits radio station. Hi, how are you? Ferg burger's back. It's back. It is, it is.

We're open. Oh, good on you. And we're giving you a chance to win an ad right now. Oh, fantastic. What do I need to do to win an ad? Well, firstly, you need to pay us 12 monthly installments. No, it's a free ad, John. Oh, well, you see.

We've got them on the line. We've got them on the hook, line, and sinker here. That's how the sales game is worse, man. The pinstripe suits, the gold chains. Yeah, sorry. I forgot about that. No, wait. Did you say gold chains?

Yeah, you got gold chains? Yeah. sorry, I forgot about that. I thought you said gold chains. You got gold chains? Crocodile snakeskin boots or whatever? I know exactly who you are, Matt. That's us. Hey, we've written half your ad. You've just got to insert, just fill in the blanks. Have you heard about one of the Kiwi businesses? It's the...

Burger Queenstown. Woo-woo! Famous for its popular... Burgers. Yeah, it still kind of says it in the name. Yeah, it does. And don't forget the crowd favourite. Oh, you went with burgers the first time.

What are you going to go now? John Lombien. Oh, I guess we could be a crowd favourite. Yeah, we just don't deal with the question, mate. But wait, there's more. Because that's not even the best thing about them. Let me tell you about it right now. Well, if you order one, you get superhuman powers.

Super, wow. And it's not over-promising there. Yeah. Not false advertising. And who could forget their catchy slogan? Come on down to Queenstown. Woo-woo! That's good.

And their wonderful staff, who sometimes like to reveal a secret about themselves live on the radio. I really like to watch cartoons with the kids. Oh, you're one of the... Me too. I do too.

I mean, yeah, that's... I think we should start a group where we can all talk about it. The worst thing is when you're watching with the kids and then they leave the room and you carry on and you're like,

I've got to see what happens on Jake and the Neverland Pirates right now. Only taught by Blazing the Machine. Blazing the Machine. I'm a Dora guy all the way, through and through. Through and through. Hey, well done. Well done on staying open.

Now, you know what I'm missing? Is burgers and mayonnaise. I've run out of mayonnaise. Like, I've got to a point where I'm just putting PVA glue onto bread. Which is not a good idea. Have you got lots of mayonnaise? Like, I've got to a point where I'm just putting PVA glue onto bread. Okay, which is not a good idea. Have you got lots of mayonnaise? Oh, we've got heaps of fresh mayonnaise.

Oh, we did this morning. And Ed Sheeran, we were talking about this before. Ed Sheeran said you were the best burgers in the world. That's pretty awesome. Oh, mate, Ed's pretty awesome himself, isn't he? Have you met him? The team went down. My wife went down.

I stayed at work. Oh, really? Yeah, they went down. They met him. They cooked for him. And I think he had more questions for really? Yeah, they went down. They met him. They cooked for him. And I think he had more questions for our team than they had for him. It was great. He was a bloody good bugger.

Oh, there we go. It's nice to hear that. You stay safe, and it's so good to have you guys opened up, you know, again. Hey, fantastic. Thanks for the call, guys, and for that ad. I'll send those burgers your way. Yeah, no worries. We'll send you the bill.

Oh, yeah, totally, yeah. Have a good one. Serving bowls of lolls for breakfast. Actual lolls may not be served. It's Jono and Ben on the heads. Now, if you wear contact lenses, you're not recommended to wear them at the moment. Doctors are saying don't wear them.

Wear glasses instead because with the coronavirus, you're not meant to be touching, you know, touching your eyes, touching your nose. And obviously with contact lenses, you do that a lot, Jono. But I got into some sort of a contact lens sort of news cycle yesterday looking at the internet. Did you not have anything else to do yesterday? I clicked on one thing and then I clicked on another thing. And so I wanted to ask you

a question, Jono, because there's new, a company in the States last week has just been given $50 million. They raised $50 million. It's like Mission Impossible. They're going to make artificial intelligence with contact lenses. So you put your contact lens on and eventually you're going to be able to translate languages in real time. The office will help you see better. They'll tag people's faces, provide emotional clues. These are the things they're going to develop. So you've been like a robo-cop. Yeah, you basically put them on and you become like a robotic awesome version of you. So what is your eye seeing?

Is it like writing or a translation? Even when you close your eyes, you can still see. This is what they say is going to happen. You'll still be able to see what's written across your eyelid. And I wanted to know if this becomes the technology, Jono, is this something? Everyone's got them. Everyone's got them. And while these things are amazing, is this something that you would have?

I'm not an eye guy. No. I'm not an eye guy. I know this. This is why I not an eye guy. I know this. This is why I wanted to ask, though. I hate eyes. And, I mean, I love your beautiful eyes, Ben. I stare into them every morning.

I get lost in them. But I can't put things in my eyes. I tried to put in contact lenses once. We were filming a thing for telly. And it was like a, what was it? Lord of the Rings? Oh, no. Harry Potter.

Harry Potter. And I was, guess who I was? Voldemort. Mainly because. Balls? Yeah. You're right, you do. Just do your follicle-based reasons.

And they were like, oh, you need to put contact lenses in. I'm like, do I? Like, how much are we spending on this thing? Anyway, I went to the special effects dude, and I could not get them in. Like, you're meant to just pinch your eyeball, put them in and Bob's your uncle. That's meant to take... I imagine you're like a three-year-old kid

getting an injection or something. You're wriggling about. Just hold still, hold still. It took an hour. I was delayed the shoot by an hour because it took so long to get these contact lenses in. And then I had to get them out, obviously, at the end of it all.

Oh, jeez. He's like, all you need to do, just again, pinch your eyeball, grab it and pull it out. That's all I'm going to do is I'm just going to pinch your eyeball. And I'm like, this sounds like torture. Like slam my genitals in a car door. I'd prefer that. And eventually he's like messing around.

It took like 35 minutes. And he goes, uh-oh. I was like, what does uh-oh mean? He's like, it's gone. I was like, where? He's like, behind your eye. And I was like, what does uh-oh mean? He's like, it's gone. I was like, where? He's like, behind your eye. And I was like, that's fine. They probably just dissolve or something.

Surely these are dissolvable things. He's like, no, no, no. I'm going to have to get it out. So then he had to get his finger in between my eyeball and my eye socket. So you've already got a problem with the eyes and some guy's jamming his finger behind your eyeball. And scoop out the contact lens.

It was, oh. I was like, end me now. Just end it. Well, don't, because you could have this great technology with contact lenses not too far away. What if you want to sleep and there's all this writing going on? Well, I'm sure you'd take them out, unless they fall behind your eyeball and then you're in trouble. Eggs for breakfast.

It's Jono and Ben on the hits. Oh, what's that? Oh, no. Shut up. Now what? Oh, it's Jono and Ben's rude awakening. We are up in the mornings, and we want other people to be up as well,

and we give them a chance to win if you obnoxiously wake them up in the morning. Stefan, morning to you, buddy. Yeah, good morning. Morning. Now, where are you in the country, Steph? Kiki. What are you doing up so early?

Oh, just work. Yeah. I get up at five every morning. What do you do? I work for Cheesecat. Oh, you cut down trees. Mad dogs, mad dogs, those arborists, aren't they? Climbing up there with chainsaws.

All right, so what we're going to do, Stefan, is wake up who? My sister, Jessie. She normally goes to university doing a teaching degree in the Waikato. But she's been a bit lazy with the lockdown, so I thought I'd give her a wake-up call. This is brutal. This is really brutal. I mean, the poor lady's got no need to get up.

We're going to rudely wake her up. We did this last week after seven, which seemed a little bit more nice to people. Well, now it's in the six o'clock hour. We're running the gauntlet for F-bombs, I think. Hello. Oh, Jessie. Hi.

Jessie, morning. Morning. It's John and Ben on the hits. You're on the radio. Welcome to The Rude Awakening. Hello. Your chance to win Hell Pizza vouchers just by taking part in a quiz.

Here's your first question. Okay. Yeah. She sounds so innocent. Do what you need to do and then I'm going to go back to Slate. Steve Jobs created Apple. What does Apple make? A. Computers and phones. B. A billion dollars a year.

Or C. Makes your life a misery when you realise how much of your day-to-day life relies on their products. A little bit at all. Comput computers and phones. Computers and phones. One from one. Kim Jong-un is the supreme leader of what? A, the Teterangi Lawn Bowls Club.

B. Oh, she's just like, get this done. Half a sleaze. You ain't got time for your gag answers, mate. Borgonvillia is what? A, the name of a new female rapper. B, the name of Ben's favourite exotic dancer. Or C, the name of a thorny ornamental vine?

Thorny ornamental vine? There we go. $30 Hell Pizza so far. Here's for $40. What is the name of the popular ride hailing company? Is it A, Goober, B, Uber, or C, YouTuber? Uber. Well done. Four from four. She's got $40 worth of Hell Pizza. Do you want to know who woke you up?

Yeah, sure. It's your brother, Steph. Okay. Who's deciding not to say anything right now and really throwing us under the bus. Yeah, well,

you guys have a great day. Sorry about the early morning call. I'll see him tomorrow. Oh, okay. That sounded threatening, but also quite tired. Thanks very much to hell.co.nz.

How did it actually Hell pizza on Friday night? Oh, so good. The gates of hell are open again, they say. They are open again. That's what they've been saying to me. It was. Want more Jono and Ben? You can catch up with the boys anytime.

Just search Jono and Ben on Facebook. Pineapple on pizza, awesome. The French TV show, they're overrated. I don't really like chocolate. Controversial call-outs. That was an intro, wasn't it? It was. I didn't even know we had an intro for this.

We have. It's a segment we like to do early in the morning because, you know, nobody say things that are too controversial on the radio when more people hear it. Yeah, so this is Ben giving a controversial opinion and me giving a controversial opinion. Last week, you shared your thoughts on immigration,

which I thought was against the popular treaty. No, these are not those sort of controversial opinions. These are more like light stuff. Like you heard in the intro, pineapple on pizzas. You might be a fan and everyone's like, oh, that's controversial. That sort of thing. Oh, okay. A little bit of sarcasm. Yeah, right. I thought you were going to give your thoughts on the government's welfare scheme and

how you thought no one deserved money. No, this is a very light radio bit of banter. A bit of filler content. Yeah, exactly. Okay, so Ben, what is your controversial call out this morning? He's a very light radio, you know, bit of banter. A fill of content. Yeah, exactly. Okay, so Ben, what is your controversial call out this morning? He's going to give his, I'm going to give mine. Then we need you to call us up on 0800-THE-HITS, 0800-843-4487. You get a win if someone calls up and agrees with you.

Yeah, it's the first person you get to agree with. I'm going to say, when it comes to a birthday, birthday cards are the biggest waste of money. Like, don't give me a birthday card, I hate them sometimes I just open them and I'll be in front, like on top and just put them straight in the bin, I'm like oh yeah there we go, thank you

and put it straight in, because I'm not going to you heartless animal I have a big box, one of those big Sistema 500 litre containers full of all of my birthday cards from when I was six. I've got birthday cards from when I was six, and I like to read them and go.

Well, I mean, I appreciate the gesture. It's lovely. They thought of my birthday. That's great. But it's really one of these things you put on the shelf for a week or two. Now I just cut out the shelf and I put it straight in the bin. My wife is like, at least put it on the shelf for a day.

I'm like, oh, no, I'm just going to take it down tomorrow and put it in the bin. Take some valuable shelf space. So I'm like, I appreciate it. It's lovely, but it down tomorrow and put it in the bin. Take some valuable shelf space. I'm like, I appreciate it, it's lovely but it's just a big waste of money. I'd rather have five bucks. You know, if you're going to go five bucks on a card or five bucks to me, give me five bucks. So you want the present and then someone

to go, this is the money I would have given you for the card but it's five dollars. And I'll go, oh wow, that's so good. Thank you. I love it how he hates birthday cards but not that much that he doesn't want to take the money that was spent on the birthday card. Oh, save your money. Yeah, save your money. Okay, 0800 the hits if you agree with Ben that you also despise birthday

cards. Hallmark better not be listening to this, mate. Put a hit out on you when you walk out of the studio. I'm going to say that I don't like going to the movies. What? I know it's one of your favourite hobbies. Yes. I hate the movies. What? Why? Just because it's filthy.

There's people slurping each other. There's a lot of slurping going on. I don't know what sort of movie theatre you're going to do. Grotty old men in trench coats slurping each other. No, you know what put me off movies is once I went to the movies and they turn the bloody lights on straight after and you never want to see a movie theatre fully lit. It is like, you know those scenes on CSI when they turn the bloody lights on straight after. And you never want to see a movie theatre fully lit. It is like, you know those scenes on CSI

when they put the wand over the room? You're like, oh my God, this is... It's amazing how messy you can be at the movies though. You know, like it's just like, it just goes everywhere. Oh no, you can literally take your recycling bin in there and just tip it on the floor and no one would blink an eye. Look, I always take my rubbish out, but I feel like I'm in the minority.

Everyone else just leaves. It's like, well, you brought that stuff in. Why aren't you taking it to a bin? Yeah, you leave the theatre, it looks like the Gaza Strip. Some poor snotty teenager has to clean it up. Yeah, it's like you've got to clean it up probably in like five minutes before the next movie starts. Yeah, I'd rather just wait until I can illegally download the film.

That's my preferred option. So, here are the controversial call-outs. Do you hate birthday cards or do you hate going to the movies? We need to get one caller to agree with us. We've got Brian on the phone. He's in Greymouth. Welcome, Brian. Yep, they're an absolute waste of bloody time and money.

Movies or birthday cards? Birthday cards, yes! I've got to win! Oh, well done. They are, Brian. I mean, you'd rather have the five bucks, wouldn't you? The second eldest daughter. she absolutely loves them, and we've had a heated discussion on it. And I said, right, you give me a card for my birthday. If you're going to give me a gift, fair enough.

But if you give me a card, don't sign it. Next year, I'll give it back to you. Oh, that's a great option. Carry on year to year. And she won't do it. That's a really good option. Don't even write in it. And then you can just keep reusing it. Well, exactly. option. That's a really good option. Don't even write in that.

And then you can just keep reusing it. Well, exactly. Brian and Ben are both party poopers who hate the joy of anything revolving

around what happens with a present. Ben also hates birthday cake. Oh, I can eat cake. Yeah, you can eat cake.

Yeah, Brian's not going that far. Ben just hates celebrating anything. Yeah, Brian, thank you so much for calling. You have a great day, my friend. Yeah, you can eat cake. Yeah, Brian's not going that far. Ben just hates celebrating anything. Yeah, Brian, thank you so much for calling. You have a great day, my friend. Yeah, cheers, mate.

Just like a chocolate milkshake, only white and disappointing. It's Jono and Ben on the hits. Spy, know what's up. Spy.co.nz. Producer Julie. Oh, sorry, Ben, we're in surround sound there. Let's do it at the same time. Producer Juliet with Spy News.

I don't know what you're saying. That was just stunning. Producer Juju's been rifling through the washing of all the celebrities and about to air that dirty laundry. Yeah, so Zoe Bell, she started a Boss Lady Fight Challenge video. She's uploaded it to her Instagram. It's essentially a five-minute long video of a bunch of celebrities, stunt doubles and cameos,

basically punching each other and taking hits. So it's edited together so that, for example, Zoe starts and punches the camera and then Lucy Lawless takes the blow and then it's just a constant. It's so good. I saw it yesterday and someone's like, oh, this is the coolest thing you'll see on the internet today. And I kind of watched it going, oh, is it? And I was like, yes, it is. It's the coolest thing I've seen all week.

It's impressive. Dripping with cameos. If I wanted to do a cameo video, I'd be like struggling to get bloody the Briscoes lady and Lily from Big Say Furniture. She's got cameos and she's got awesome stuff. Some people falling in pools and falling down stairs. It's unreal.

And then like Margot Robbie's there, Scarlett Johansson, Cameron Diaz, Drew Barrymore, so many cool people. And you got Margot Robbie with her bat that she uses in... Oh, yeah. Harley Quinn. Yeah, Harley Quinn, whatever she's in on that movie. I wanted to do a video of you taking big blows, Ben,

and you were like, no. Let's remake it. Let's do it this afternoon. You can't just punch me for real, all right? That's not how it works. I don't know how to do the special effects with the cameras. It's just a lot easier if you actually punch me. And for more spy, you can head to thehits.co.nz.

Hey, you've got toothpaste on the side of your mouth. It's Jono and Ben on the hits. Now, if you want to win a Sony soundbar, which is worth $829, then give us a call right now, 0800 THE HITS. We found the Sony soundbar around the radio station. We want to give it away. I said I wanted to give away a bar of gold, and Ben came back with this,

and I was like, well, this is better than a bar of gold. This is awesome. Mother's Day is this Sunday, so maybe you could give it to your mum, or maybe you just keep it for yourself. I was reading online, because I was like, what is this thing we found in an empty building?

So you can get it from sony.co.nz, and it's worth about $829, as I said before, and sleek, compact soundbar with built-in sub. Wow, you did an extraordinary amount of research for something you just stole. Yeah, I did. I was like, what is this I'm giving away? And it's actually really cool. I thought about keeping it for myself, but if you want to give us a call right now,

0800THEHITS, you could win it. All right, we've got a full board. Let's go to, should we go to Fiona in Auckland? Or do we, oh, no, I'll go Craig. Craig, welcome. It's Jono and Ben's Lost and Found. Hi, mate. Jono and Ben's Lost and Found.

Let's have you on, Craig. Hi, how are you? You want the soundbar, buddy? Oh, I would love it. Yeah, we're about to you in the country. Oh, Wellington. Get ready, Wellington, because he could be keeping you up all night, rocking away with the soundbar.

Your first question. Which New Zealander married singer and songwriter Rod Stewart? Oh, the trumpet chick, Rachel Hunter. Oh, the trumpet chick, Rachel Hunter. I'll give it to him. Okay. Yes, she is the trumpet chick. Sir Peter Jackson is famous for directing which movie trilogy?

Lord of the Rings. Well, there we go. Two from two. Which artist released the 2014 album Multiply? Lord, pass. It was Ed Sheeran. I'm sorry, Craig. No worries.

You won't be getting any bar of any description unless it's a Mars bar from the petrol station through the service window, okay? Cheers. Have a great day. Thanks for listening, mate. New Zealand's breakfast. Just don't eat them. They're chewy. It's Jono and Ben on the hits.

It is the hits. Jono and Ben with us. We're with us. Jono and Ben. I hope you're here. Although Ben didn't get to sleep until 2 o'clock in the morning. He went to bed at 8.30. Yeah, I've never been to bed earlier, but never taken longer to go to sleep.

Well, you can't tell. You're on top of your game this morning. Thank you very much. You've had a good night's rest. You've got the full eight hours. He's on fire. No one can stop him. John will bend with us. But there's actually someone that is with us, our infomercial queen.

Suzanne Paul joins us. How's it going? Oh, yes, yes. Going great, Guns. Thank you. Long time no speak, see, isn't it? It's been a while. Thank you very much for chatting to us speak, see, isn't it? It has been a while. Thank you very much for chatting to us.

We might as well kick into it. Suzanne Paul joining us. You've teamed up with How To Dad for a comedy cooking series for HelloFresh. Very funny. Oh, yes. Thanks, guys. Thank you. Well, I always watch Jordan's video, you know, his How To Dad videos,

and I enjoyed those. And then when they asked me, HelloFresh actually is probably the perfect product for me to promote. Actually right up my alley. You don't cook. I was reading you don't cook, you just have takeaways. Toast. You cook toast.

She cooks toast. But you have been cooking for the HelloFresh dishes. I have, yes. I like it because you don't have to, I really can't be doing with all that faffing about with thinking about what you've got to do. No one likes faffing about, do they, Susan? No one likes faffing about.

There's a lot of faffing in cooking, isn't there? Now, the irony is you have a rich history of advertising infomercial products. Have you ever advertised a cooking appliance of any sorts? I have. I have done frying pans and sets of saucepans, and everybody is fully well aware that I've no clue what I'm doing, really. It looks flat.

It looks like it could heat up. It's a great frying pan. Buy 10 for one now. But wait, there's more. Why is it always more? Like, is someone overordered? I know. There's always more stuff is it always more? Like, is someone overordered? I know. There's always more stuff, isn't there?

Are you talking about the frying pans and they demonstrated them when they'd cook rocks? The rocks in the frying pan. Have you seen those ones? Oh, yes, yes. Cook your rocks. I'm always wanting to cook rocks, so finally a frying pan meeting my needs.

Well, Suzanne Paul joins us. Actually, I was just reading there. Suzanne Paul's not actually your original name. No, it wasn't. No, I only changed it last year. I think Suzanne Paul changed it by default. Remember years ago when I had the makeup natural glow with thousands of luminous spheres that reflected the light?

Remember that? Oh, yeah. What the hell are luminous spheres? I know. Oh, you can't live without them when you miss them. Do you remember that? Yeah. What the hell are luminous spheres? I know. Oh, you can't live without them when you miss them. You can't live without them. She sold me. She sold me.

So it wasn't through marriage or anything. It was just a name that you decided on? Yeah. Well, it was because my business partner at the time, his name was Paul. So it was Natural Glow by Suzanne Paul. Everybody just thought that was my name, you see, and that's what everybody called me, and that's what I became.

Suzanne Paul is with us. She's doing a new cooking show with How To Dad, social media superstar How To Dad. I think we have to put that on his passport now, social media superstar How To Dad, doing this with HelloFresh. Suzanne, we want to play a little bit of a game with you. We've got your Wikipedia bio here, and we need you to

fill in the blanks. I don't see how we go. I think they make half of it. Yeah, they do. Half of it's probably made up. Yeah, that's the Wikipedia. Nearly correct information. Suzanne Paul is an English-born television personality and New Zealand celebrity who initially rose to fame for her infomercials

advertising... Natural Glow. One for one. Paul came to New Zealand in the year of... 1991. Well done. And has sold products such as the... Suzanne Clip. And the...

Vibrating Massage Pillow. Oh, the actual ones listed on the page. Suzanne Paul had her own television series titled... Guess Who's Coming to Dinner. And another television series called... Garage Sale. Oh, well done. And yet another television series called...

Second Honeymoon. Yeah, there we go. That was good, that one. What was Second Honeymoon about? There was people going on their second honeymoon? It was, and leaving everything behind, their businesses and all their kids. And then Anthony Ray and I would keep things ticking over while they went off on their jollies, you see.

Oh, so you would look after them. It sounds like a shocking business decision, Suzanne. Leave you in charge. That's great. We're almost to the end of Suzanne Paul's Wikipedia. In 2007, you won. You became champion in the TV show. Dancing with the Stars. Paul's Wikipedia. In 2007 you won, you became champion in the TV show Dancing with the Stars. That's right.

And then you published a memoir in 2008 called? But wait, there's more. Suzanne Paul, it's always good to catch up and well done on this great new thing. It's a great time to be doing this because a lot of New Zealanders are in the kitchen. So teaming up with How To Dad and doing some cooking with HelloFresh is a great idea.

Yeah, thanks, guys. Oh, it's been lovely chatting with you again. It's been too long. It has been too long. We haven't seen each other in years. And we probably won't see each other for many more years given this lockdown thing.

But I can't wait till we can touch again, Suzanne. Oh, you. What are you like? Yeah, that's out of weird. That's out of weird. You can see it from a two-metre distance. Okay.

No touching, just waving. Thanks, guys. Have a great day. Bye. Bye, Suzanne. Morning. It's Jono and Ben on the Hats. You're getting a little over lockdown here in New Zealand.

You know, a lot of breaches over the weekend. Well, spare a thought for Spain. They had 49 days of confinement. They couldn't even leave their property. And only yesterday have they been allowed out and they're allowed out in rostered sort of hours. So adults can go out in an hour in the morning for exercise and then over 70 get

their own hour later in the afternoon and kids with their parents if they're under 14 get their, so you're only allowed out at a certain hour in Spain. How will they get in their shopping? Sorry, you're allowed to go out shopping but you're allowed to do exercise when doing anything else. You just go to the store and come straight home.

That was that, 49 days. Wow, those Spaniards, they run a tight operation, don't they? Remember we went to Spain and you got me run over by a bull. That was fun. That was fun times. Actually, on the same trip, it was the same trip that we're going to lead into here. I bumped into someone famous in the bathroom

and it only reminded us because over the weekend Oasis have released a previously unheard song. Yeah, like a demo that they made like 25 years ago and have you got a little bit of it? Producer Juliet? Why 25 years later

have they decided to release it? I think they found it. So I think... Oh, I forgot about this. Might as well chuck it on the internet. Yeah, Noel Gallagher found it and he released it and then Liam, his brother,

because they've got a bit of a feud going on. He's like, that was crap. There's a reason why we didn't release it. Why did you release it? I always wonder that stuff, you know, when people die

and they're like, here's some previously unheard works from Prince or Michael Jackson. And I'm like, well, there's probably a reason

that they didn't release it because they thought it was a steaming turd. Yeah, unless they had it in the works and they were like, oh,

we're about to release it. Yeah, they're probably right. But we digitally remastered it and they'll be rolling in their graves right now. It sounds very, you know,

like in the style of a lot of their other big hits though. Yeah, I don't know why he thought that was any worse than any of their other songs. Oh, they were great. But yeah, we're on the same trip. We went to Spain. This was for work.

We went to Portugal and we, you know, we're lucky enough to go to a, what was it like a football final? Yeah, like a Champions League football game. Champions League final. And we did not deserve to be there. No. I'm not a football guy.

Ben wasn't. And when we were sitting in the stadium, there was like flares going off and people eating each other. And chants. And it was amazing atmosphere. Just to be there. No. I'm not a football guy. Ben wasn't. And when we were sitting in the stadium, there was like flares going off and people eating each other. And chants. And it was an amazing atmosphere. Just to be clear, there was no cannibalism.

I was exaggerating there. But we felt not worthy to be there because, you know, I love sport, but I'm not a massive footballer. You know, it was people more deserving

than us. There was a riot afterwards. Yeah. Ben killed a man. Ben killed a man. They went to flee Portugal. He's wanted there. They want to extradite him back to face his charges,

but you refuse to go back, don't you? That's what happens in football. No, we're at the football game, and I bumped into Liam Gallagher in the bathroom. You'll never just guess who I saw in the bathroom. Who I said hi to. Yeah. And it was Liam Gallagher,

and I tried to check out. In that situation, you always want to have a look. I wanted to have a look at his morning glory as he was peeing against the wonder wall and he was the one looking back in anger we should have planned this

we've got to come up with more I know I know I can't think of any more songs on the spot right now damn it yeah but no I was

you can't help but look you know you just you're not yeah you shouldn't no you shouldn't no. But no, you can't help but look. You know, you just have to. You're not, yeah. You shouldn't. No, you shouldn't. No, you shouldn't. No, you shouldn't. Anyway.

Let's just say for a guy who spends a lot of time on stage, he did not get stage fright. Right. So we thought today we'll open up the phone loads. Who have you,

who have you ran into in the bathroom? Who have you met in the bathroom? Who have you bumped in the bathroom? Yeah. Bathroom bumpings. Like you walked out of the bathroom? Who have you met in the bathroom? Who have you bumped in the bathroom? Yeah. Bathroom bumpings.

Like you walked out of the bathroom, you're like, oh, hello. There's a mate of ours, Ed Sheeran. He walked out of the bathroom and Ed Sheeran was walking out as well. Hello, Ashley. How's Invercargill this morning, buddy? Oh, look, it's just a dream come true, as always. When is Invercargill not a dream come true? That's exactly it.

They call it the paradise of Aotearoa, don't they? Oh, absolutely. She's like, I've never heard that. It's stunning. It's great. Hey, Ashley, who'd you bump into? Bathroom bumpings. Okay, so two years ago I went to Coachella

and I ran into Miley Cyrus in the lines of the Portaloos. No, surely. You'd think Miley would have her own Portaloos. Well, I thought that would be the case too, but she was there. With the battlers. I could reach out to her. There was heaps of people around her.

So I got really excited. I had a few too many. I got a bit excited and I just yelled out, Hannah Montana, without even thinking. She's like, I've done a lot of other stuff since then. But thank you. And right now I'm just waiting to go and use a grotty public toilet. She glanced over at me and then just looked away really quickly. I was like, oh, okay.

Wow, if that's true, that's an amazing story. You'd think she'd be in one of those executive port-a-loos out the back, you know, the ones? Well, I did wonder if like the port-a-loo that she was lining up for, because there's just like a big bunch of them. I was like, maybe that one's like glam-ass inside. Maybe there's like glitter and stuff, I don't know. No matter who you are, when you've got to go, you've got to go.

Yeah, okay. That's exactly it, I guess. What a great call. No matter who you are, when you've got to go, you've got to go. Yeah, okay. That's exactly it, I guess. What a great call. You enjoy Amber Cargill today, right? Hey, thank you. Okay, dream come true in Invers in Wellington. Is it a dream come true for you, Chels? So, I was out at dinner one night with my friends,

and I went to the toilet, and I was watching the water at the stand, and I was coming out of the cubicle. You never guess it, but she walked out at the same time, and so obviously she's quite low-key, so I tried to keep it cool. Who was it? Sorry, your phone cut out. Yeah. Yeah, who was the person you bumped into, mate? Lord.

Oh, Lord. Yeah, and so, you know, she tries to keep things pretty low-key, so I was trying to keep it cool, and she was coming out of the cubicle at the same time as me until we both kind of awkwardly went for their hand towels at the same time so it all just kind of went a bit awkward. And so you touched hands over the hands towel.

No one ever wants to have a conversation in the bathroom. You never look anyone in the eye in the bathroom. It's like prison, isn't it? You don't want to... Because some of the places we went to in America, they had people in there, you know, trying to give you like after, you know, like cologne and I was like, what a terrible job that is for had people in there trying to give you a cologne. And I was like, what a terrible job that is for someone sitting in there.

Yeah, you said there was a guy, you pay him and he can wash and dry your hands for you. I don't even know how that works. How does another person wash your hands? He seemed legit. He had a lot of glue hanging around his mouth and his nose. Hayley, you're in Tauranga. Welcome. Hey, how are you going?

Oh, listen, we're boxing bubbly today, baby. Who'd you bump into in the bathroom, Hayley? Well, I was on a plane, and I went down to the back, and it was occupied, and I had to wait for Gillian Anderson. I basically had to wait for Scully from the X-Files to do her thing.

Oh, right. What was she doing? She was going to the bathroom. Yeah, I know. What? No, small specifics. No, let's not get into that. It's too early in the morning for that.

Well, that's impressive. It's never too early for specifics. No, it's... I'm a details guy. I don't need those details. Thank you for your call. What more Jono and Ben? You can catch up with the boys anytime.

Just search Jono and Ben on Instagram. It's time for the big news, Small Town. Oh, we had an intro for this. Big news. Small Town. And we're heading to the small town of Mosgiel. Just out of Dunedin there, where one of the residents is on a quest

to make Mosgiel great again. He's got a song. Yeah, released a couple of years ago, this song, right? And I think he's achieved something to make it great again, right? He wanted a community pool, and we're going to go through to the man right now. Hello, it's Clark here. This is Jono and Ben calling from the Hits radio station. We're just reading about how you want to make Moz Girl great again.

I did. I did want to make Moz Girl great again. I did. I did want to make Moz Girl great again. Oh, yeah? And have you achieved it? Do we need to have this conversation? Has it already reached greatness? Well, as ironic about your timing, actually,

that campaign was hinging around us getting a community pool, and I think it was just announced yesterday, finally got a site. Yes. It feels like years. You've got a pool they're swimming in Mozgiel. Well not quite yet but they're going to be. Yeah that's right. All because of you. Not too distant future. You made this happen. Individually

pretty much. Yeah good. Take it. No one else helped you. And you'll be digging the pool with your bare hands. It's like cutting your own firewood isn't it? You cut the same firewood heats himself twice. Listen, we're not handymen,

so that means nothing to us. It's gone way over our heads. We're up here in Auckland. I had to go to Bunnings once and they're like, cut your own wood. I'm like, what? It took me about

an hour and a half. Really? So Campbell, you're saying make Mozgiel great again. What I like about Mozgiel is when you're driving from the airport

through to Dunedin, they've got a sign on the hill like Hollywood, but it says Mozgiel. Yes, they've got a sign on the hill like Hollywood, but it says Mosgiel. Yes, you've got a lot of similarities with Hollywood, actually. Yeah, high amount of cocaine use instruments. A lot of celebrities, I'm sure. Oh, it's where you come to become famous.

So I always thought with Dunedin, they put the airport out quite far away from the city, thinking that maybe it would grow, and it never quite got there. But, you know, it's a lovely drive. It is. It is. No, it's through good luck and good management. It's at a good spot, our airport. No, can I just pull Ben up there? He's like, has a bit of a stab at Dunedin.

He's like, they put the airport out thinking the city was going to go. But it's a lovely drive. You appreciate that drive, you do. Now, Campbell. Yes. If you were going to name the top three things about Mozgiel, would you do that? Oh, yes. Would you do that for us right now?

Well, the first two are easy. Flat, microclimate. Okay. Hot, cold? No, no, hot. Very hot. Although this is here in Auckland, isn'timate. Okay. Hot, cold? No, no, hot. Very hot. Although this is here in Auckland, isn't it? Yeah.

When I'm speaking to people from Auckland, I do like to encourage the fact that our weather's terrible and you shouldn't move here. Oh, okay. Keep us away. Keep our lattes away from your good weather. I guess the third one would have to be the people if I'm being politically correct.

Oh, good. After you were being unpolitically correct? No, I don't know. It wasn't the pool, but it is soon to be the people if I'm being politically correct. Oh, that's good. After you were being unpolitically correct? No, I don't know. It wasn't the pool, but it is soon to be. Oh, you've got a pool, and well done on that. It's great. Do you know when it's going to be opened up? No, I don't. I hate it. I love a good community person. You know, imagine the amount

of toddlers that are going to pee in that pool now, thanks to you. Yes, yes, yeah. No, it'll be good. Well, now that we've got a pool in Dunedin and one in Mosgiel, I guess it'll be diluted somewhat, all to you. Yes, yes, yeah, no, it'll be good. Well, now that we've got a pool in Dunedin and one in Mosgiel, I guess it'll be diluted somewhat, all the urine. So that'll be possible as well. Hey, good on you, buddy.

You look after yourself, look after Mosgiel. Congratulations on prize-winning pool, and have a great day, Campbell. Okay, nice one. Yep, no, wasn't really me. But good on you. You just congratulated the wrong person.

You may well have. You know, you've been on the phone for three minutes and at any stage you could have said you've got the wrong guy. I don't get pants on the back very often. I'll take it. I'm going to take the credit. Good on you Campbell

thanks for leaving that information right till the end of our phone call you have a wonderful day awesome thank you see you mate to make it even better

his name's Clark what is it last name's Campbell oh oh oh oh oh

oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh

oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh

oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh

oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh

oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh

oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh

oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh Oh, no. Truly, what a shambles. Hey, you too.

You listened to all of that. You listened to the whole thing. You were there for three minutes. Both of you people got a great, you know, I chimed in and said, hey, firstly, I had nothing to do with the pool. Secondly, his name's old Campbell. I was hoping you'd chime in and be like,

oh, by the way, my name's actually Clark. What a grumble guy. He took the compliment and he took the fact that we got his name wrong. People at Moscow, eh? Great New Zealanders. More painful than your alarm clock. It's Jono and Ben on the hits. We found out this morning just how sick British Prime Minister Boris Johnson was a couple of weeks back.

He was very close to dying. They were preparing for a big announcement in the UK. And Nurse Jenny pulled him through. Yeah, and also the doctor's by the name of Nick and he's got a newborn baby and he's put Nicholas as one of the names for the baby, which I thought was very cool. Wilfred, Laurie, Nicholas Johnson is the name. So two

doctors, Dr. Nick was both their names. They get Nicholas in his name. It's definitely his baby too. He's got a lot of scraggly hair. There's definitely no doubt it's Boris Johnson's baby. Well, like Boris Johnson just gets up in the morning and goes, that'll do. And then just goes on with his day. Yeah, and his baby's definitely got doubt it's Boris Johnson's baby. Well, like Boris Johnson just gets up in the morning and goes, that'll do, and then just goes on with his day. Yeah, and his baby's definitely got the same hairstyle.

Spy. No what's up. Spy.co.nz. Welcome to the Earwaves. Producer Juliette. Thank you. Full of youth, full of exuberance. Love it.

Whole life and head of her. Shortland Street is back filming this week, so they had to halt it, but the schedule while they're filming again, their schedule, it's slowed right down to allow time for everyone to do their bit separately and safely. All the core actors have been assigned their own dressing rooms, which is, that's quite luxury, isn't it,

having your own dressing room? Do they share dressing rooms? It must do beforehand. You imagine Chris Warner's got his own little love layer backstage. I don't know if his on-screen handsy antics happen off-screen. No, I don't think it's the same. I think it's quite the opposite. And all the actors have had to do all their own hair and makeup,

and they've been taking online tutorials on how to do it. And the male actors are really striking. They're getting makeup in their eye. They're just doing it all wrong, apparently. Everyone's going to come dressed up looking like clowns. I didn't know. when we first started working, I didn't know how to do it with a tie, and I had to YouTube how to tie a tie, remember?

But you were quite secretive about it. We'd get into suits, you'd go, just a minute, and then he'd go off and be watching. He's just like, what's he doing? He's like, he's YouTubing how to tie a tie. Did you never learn how to do that as a kid? No, no, no, I never taught you. And it's degrading when you have to YouTube it as an adult

in front of a large group of people. Didn't you go to a private school that has ties? No, but I always ran the plastic one, you know, the plastic with the elastic. I wore that from age six through to age 19, and it did me well. Love it. And Madonna, she is tested positive for COVID-19 antibodies.

So I think that means that she must have caught the virus but didn't get any symptoms or it didn't affect her. We need to extract this from Madonna. Yeah. Someone needs to go and siphon these out of Madonna and then the antibodies, they could be the fucker. Well, yeah, maybe. Ben, Ben, go and suck those out of Madonna, mate.

I can leave that to the medical professionals. But yeah, you're right. Maybe there is something that could be found in a system like that. Because I know a lot of children can have it, but not actually show symptoms and actually live through it healthy. Exactly. And she said something weird. She said she's going to go drive in a car,

roll down the window and breathe in the COVID-19 air because she's got these antibodies. I was like, sis, what are you talking about? I was not going to affect her, is it? She can suck any COVID air in if she wants. Exactly. Like my dog going on a car trip, hanging her tongue out. So excited. Where are we going, guys?

And for more spy, you can head to the hits.co.nz. Not a morning person? Sadly, neither of these two. It's Jono and Ben on the hits. The Warriors League side from New Zealand left yesterday on a private plane. Cost 100 grand, they were saying on the news,

for a plane. It normally takes minors around Australia, like the people that work in the mines. Not children. Private plane for the children. No. Very wealthy children. So yeah, so they've gone to Australia.

They have to quarantine for two weeks and then the season sounds like it's going to start again with no crowds. It seems very early to be starting that again, the NRL, but good on them for trying. And good on the Warriors for going over, leaving behind their families for potentially five months. Well, the good thing is, I mean,

the Warriors have been used to playing in front of no crowds for a long time. It's been a long time. I love the Warriors. Although I do think one good thing to come out of this whole corona thing is no more kiss cam at sports. The most awkward thing at a sports game is a kiss cam. You won't be doing that post-COVID, will you?

This is my auntie. Really, do I have to do this in front of everyone? Kiss her, kiss her, pass her. I've related to her. I don't care. You're on kiss cam. No, it has just got 8 o'clock. And something we want to do every day,

we'll see how long we do this for, is this. Around the Nation. There are 570 cities and towns in Aotearoa, and we are on a mission to call every single one of them every day. So we're going to start all the way back at A, and every day we're going to keep going on the show until we get to the end. We worked it out, as you said, 570.

It's going to take us over two years to do this. If we're still on the station at breakfast, who knows? This is also a big smokescreen for us, for them not to be able to fire us. We'll be like, you can't get rid of us. We're doing that thing. You can't end that. So what's the first one in alphabetical order

per Wikipedia in New Zealand's towns and cities? A holder, which looks like it's about 10 or 15 k's in from Greymouth on the west coast to the South Island, Greymouth Hokitika. And there's a couple of little stores there, one called Ikumatua. And we're going to go through there now. Hopefully they're open. I don't know. Ikumatua store, Robin speaking.

Robin, Jono and Ben from The Hits, mate. How are you? I'm good, thank you. This is the Haora. Robin, Jono and Ben from The Hits. Mate, how are you? I'm good, thank you. This is the Haura Akamatoa store. God, you're not very good, are you? I'm giving it a bash. Yeah, his Maori's not too good. Yeah, yeah.

We're just Akamatoa. Oh, you're Akamatoa. Akamatoa. You just sit in your wee office there. Yeah, he does, he does. Just sitting there talking. I'm not on the radio or anything, am I? You want to be on the radio?

I don't know. What are you ringing about? Well, you've got no choice because you're on the radio. We're not going to give you a choice to back out. What are we doing? We're legally, we're meant to. Listen, we're phoning everyone in New Zealand. We want to phone someone from every single town and or city in Aotearoa.

Yep. And you're first on the list, baby. You're first alphabetical first on the list. So where are you? Mate, you'll never guess who we are. Auckland. The greatest city in the world. Auckland.

Don't say that. Sucking on our soilates. Yeah. Got our Range Rovers parked out the front. No dirt on the tyres. Very good. Yeah. You know what? What? I'm going, no dirt on the tyres. Very good. Yeah. You know what?

What? I'm going to have a brioche. A brioche? Yeah, and a panini. Oh, right. Yeah. And a flat white or a latte. That's what we do in Auckland all day.

Yeah. Well, if you came to Okamatoa, you could get fish and chips. We could get a flat white, though, couldn't we? Yes, you could. You get more than that, too. You'd get more than that too. You'd get flattened, you white little thing. Hey, listen, you look after yourself. Well, we're doing good here

in Ikematua. Oh, well, I hope you're safe and your bubble's going well and the business is finding its way through this period. Yeah, it is. We've got a good community that we live in because we're a dairy, little mini supermarket. You'll be covering a lot of bases, I imagine, for the town, your tiny little shop. Yeah?

The only thing we don't have is alcohol, unfortunately. Oh, okay. And how many people in the town? In the town itself, there's probably about 100. Okay. Can you name every one of them? Just about. And what's the postal agency as well. We're the doctors. We know who's doing what and who's not paying.

And what's the closest town to where you are? Would it be Greymouth? Greymouth, and they're 56km away. Okay. Oh, right. Okay, who's sleeping with who in the town? Give us the goss. I'm not telling.

Do you put on different outfits depending on the job you're doing? Yes. Go undercover. She's the therapist as well. She's covering a lot of bases. She does it all up. We do. So when you come down to the mainland, you have to come to Ikematua.

Oh, listen, we will. But right now we're still swimming in our giant bowl of latte, so we'll finish that and hopefully meet and see you one day. Will do. Thanks for ringing, Jono and Ben. See you, mate. Okay, bye. That was fun, calling someone from every town in New Zealand.

That was day one. Like starting your day without your morning coffee. It's Jono and Ben on my hits. You know, it's a week next Monday. Jacinda Ardern tells us if we drop to level two. Yeah, when that could happen. It may be longer. All going well. It could be the drop to level two. Yeah, when that could happen. Maybe longer.

All going well. It could be the end of next week. Yeah, well, we should do something to celebrate. I don't know what. But what if we don't get it? What if we don't get level two? Yeah. Well, we should do something to celebrate anyway.

Just do something to fill in time. That's what the past four weeks have been about. What do you mean? Like what? I don't know. I've got no ideas. I just said some words on the radio. Now you're grilling me, mate. You know what? So basically, Jon been about What do you mean Like what I don't know I've got no ideas I just said some words On the radio Now you're grilling me mate

So basically Jono Wants to do something Next week Yeah But what are our options We don't know what our options are We might not be able To see anyone

I didn't expect A full on interrogation When I just Let's do something What can I plan to do Okay tell you what Give me 24 hours I'll come back tomorrow

With something we can plan to do Okay Alright It's your job I set it up You bring it'll come back tomorrow with something we can plan to do. Okay. All right. It's your job. It's your job. I set it up. You bring it home, big guy. Based on maybe we can go out, but most likely we'll still be here.

I have weekly Zoom drinks with my parents, Annie and John, prior. They're in Christchurch. They're in St. Albans. They're of the older variety, like a fine red wine. But they've been locked up. They can't go out. Dad's got, like, breathing issues as well. So mum's being very careful, you know.

But yeah, so they Zoomed us. And after the Zoom meetings, she always sends me a text. She's really hitting you from all angles, isn't she? But then all her texts end with very erotic looking lips. Lips like, you know. And I'm like, I don't know if she knows. Likeips like, you know. Oh, Jesus. And I'm like, I don't know if she knows. So what, the kiss emoji, basically.

Yeah, but they're quite inviting lips. Are you a lip kisser with your mum? I don't know if she knows what they, well, she clearly doesn't know. They look like lips. She's probably just like, kiss, kiss. They look like they're lips that wouldn't be out of place if there was an eggplant next to them. Oh, jeez.

She's not saying to get those, is she? Or are you saying they're back? You feel like aubergines tonight, darling? Yeah. But they've got a rich history of missing the mark. My parents with, you know, erotic things. My dad was like, you were talking about birthday cards. Hey, you hate birthday cards earlier in the show.

I just think it's a waste. It's a waste of $5. Generally in the show. I just think it's a waste. It's a waste of $5. Generally, they're about $5 and it's a waste. My dad was sent to get me a birthday card one year and I got it. And I don't think he read what the inside said. And it was like, it just said, happy birthday, big boy on the front. And I'm like, well, I'm a big boy. I'm getting older, yeah.

It's my birthday. Like on the surface, that card looks, you know, it's appropriate to give to your son. But then I opened it and it was clearly like one of those ones that your partner gives you and it's like, you know, you can, and it said, this card is an official transaction at any time. You can cash it in for a bubble bath together.

Before the end of the year. That's the thing we could do to celebrate. You and your dad in for a bubble bath together. Before the end of the year. That's the thing we could do to celebrate. You're off your deck in a bubble bath. Or eat a strawberry out of my belly button. Or a back massage using no hands. You can get your elbow in there, I guess. I guess. I don't know how that works.

But, yes, now I'm getting lips and all sorts of stuff, but I love them dearly. I'm going to be off from that. Very special relationship. Start your day the wrong way. It's Jono and Ben on my heads. Over the weekend, 700 breaches in New Zealand in 24 hours, lockdown breaches.

What are the narc numbers? I always like to know the narc numbers. Well, yeah, probably at least 700 narcs over the weekend, I imagine, for those briefings. A lot of people narcing at the moment. Oh, but good, though. Good, because, you know,

like, we do need to keep it safe. My friend got narced on. They went up to the park and they were just talking to their friends two metres apart. And then the security character

was like, oh, someone's narced on you for mass gathering. There's only like five of them. Oh, really? A lot of narcs out there at the moment. Yeah.

A lot of narcs. I mean, someone's good. Yeah, someone's good narcs. I mean, some of it's good. Yeah, some of it's good. Because we don't want to go back to level four. We want to keep going up the thing, but we could go back there. You know, you never know. You're a nation of narcs.

We are. We're just trying to keep safe. I mean, we are, it's very thankful we are in New Zealand at the moment. Oh, my God. When you see, you said overnight New York, 300 dead and that's a good day.

Well, yeah, good day. Probably not the right term to say but you're right, that's a day of less than what they've usually been getting. That's horrible, horrible stuff. And I suppose I'm proud to be in New Zealand with the way that the government's handled this. Yeah and we find out of course next week

you said before when we hopefully could go to level two. Apparently the government are going to make a decision today but not announce it until later in the week. And I said we should celebrate, and you said how, and I didn't have an answer, and so you're going to go away and think of something. Yeah, but if you are trying to keep safe at the moment,

you know, and all the things you need to remember to keep New Zealand safe, well, we've put it together in a brand new album. New Zealand. We might be at alert level three, but I'll tell you what I want, what I really, really want, and that's for you to stay healthy

with this crassly put-together album of dated parody songs to remind you of handy hygiene tips, like updated love advice from the Spice Girls. If you want to be my lover, you've got to sanitise your hands. And let's face it. Oh, sorry, you probably won't get that pun just yet. But there's more great hygiene advice from The Weeknd. I can't touch my face when I'm with you.

It's a bad habit. Bad habit. All right, stop. Time to hammer it home with some Hammer Time. Can't touch this. Don't know. Nuh-uh. Can't touch this.

Infos terminal. Uh-oh. Can't touch this. Infos terminal. Uh-oh. Can't touch this. Handrail. Man, sneeze it to your elbow. And you could be beetling the sniffles with the beetles. I wanna wash my hands. For 20 seconds and then let them dry properly.

And call the police because they're not only stopping lockdown breaches, they've also got a parody song about social distancing. OK, so that wasn't a parody, that was the original song, but you get the message. Now, that's what I call COVID-19 is out now. But we're really trying to put a cork on it and flatten that curb, so do what you can, New Zealand. COVID-19, can you go at least with these handy tips?

We hope you made it. That's great. We could have put more money and time and resource into finding a vaccine, but we did that. Well, we can't. We're not scientists, so that's all we can offer for the world. Want more Jono and Ben? You can catch up with the boys anytime.

Just search Jono and Ben on Facebook. Can I give a shout out to Ben? He's only had 23 minutes sleep. He was awake till two o'clock in the morning. I had about two hours sleep but you know,

I'm okay at the moment. Yeah, he's jacked up on instant coffee and Maroon 5. A winning combination. Poor guy. Text 4487 if you've had less sleep

than Ben. 22 minutes is the record. No, how much was it? It was about two hours. That's right, I'm functioning. The hard thing is like the harder you try to get to sleep, the you've had less sleep than Ben, 22 minutes is the record. No, how much was it? It was about two hours. That's right. I'm functioning. The hard thing is like the harder you try to get to sleep, the more you don't sleep.

That's what happened. I just got into that head space. And you get angry with yourself. Yeah. You're like, come on. You should be doing this. And then I went and slept in a spare bed. I was trying to, you know, all on a couch.

It was like. This is the basic function of a human being. I can do this. Yeah. So I hadn't had any sleep over the weekend, I'll confess. And Sunday morning I realised, oh, we've got our radio show. And I had no content for it. So I was like, oh, well, I've had a bender.

Let's start a new segment called Booze Talk ZB. The news, the opinion, the debate. It's Booze Talk ZB. Now, Booze Talk ZB, of course, is the station upstairs in the same building as us. Our superior station. Yeah, it's the proper radio station. Yeah, talented broadcasters. We can only aspire to be on that station.

And after this segment, we probably never will. So what we do is we're going to have a competition. It's going to be like a... I love how you're involving me in this now. You're making this into a thing like a Top Gear leaderboard. Yeah, that's right. So we both phone Newstalk ZB once a week. What if I don't want to?

Once a week. Why don't you want to? I don't know. You said you're on board with Newstalk ZB. It's a funny idea. He's just trying to protect himself from a meeting with our CEO after the show. Yeah, but not funny that I do, but it's a funny idea. So we phone up Newstalk ZB.

Well, you do, because I haven't done it. And we act inebriated and see how long the host leaves you on air for. Boss, you do, because I haven't done it. And we act, you know, inebriated, and see how long the host leaves you on air for. Oh, so it's acting, right? Yeah, it's acting. Yeah, it was acting. And we're going to run a timer on it. Now, yesterday morning, Peter Wolfkamp,

you'll know him from the block, Peter Wolfkamp, he hosts the building show on Sunday morning, and people phone up, you know, about tips or whatever, and about the building industry. It's a great show that you sabotaged. And so I phoned Peter and we'll see how long I've got to stay on here for. Put down that drill and call Pete first

on 0800 80 1080. It's the DIY show with Pete the Wolf Wolfkamp on Newstalk ZB. Newstalk ZB, Peter Wolfkamp with you this morning. It is coming up to 7.43 and the lines are open for you right now. you this morning it is coming up to uh it is 7 43 and the lines are open for you right now 0800 80 1080 is the number to call kim good morning good night how are you going all right kim and yourself the wolf whoa peter it's right what's your question, Kim? I love you and I love you a heart.

And my wife, she's a Royal Estate agent. All right, mate, I appreciate the sentiment as well. And I'm sure it's shared around, but maybe for another show. So the wolf abruptly cut me off. I like how his intro's like, the wolf. And you're like, the wolf, but he gave you nothing. He's like. He should be like, yeah, I am the wolf.

Yeah. Anyway, so I had a backstory too. I came on as Kim John, so J-O-H-N, from North Canterbury. North Canterbury, not North Korea. Well, I'll just run the timer over it because I'm going to be on top of the leaderboard by default. How long was I on Booze Talks? Kim, good morning. Good, I'm Peter run the timer over it because I'm going to be on top of the leaderboard by default. How long was I on Booze Talks EB? Kim, good morning. Good night, Peter. How are you going?

All right, Kim, and yourself? The wolf. Woo! Peter. Right, what's your question, Kim? He's like getting sick of you about the end. I love you and I love you a heart. And my wife she's a real estate agent

alright mate I appreciate the sentiment as well and I'm sure it's shared around but maybe for another show how long producer Juliet that was 30 seconds

30 seconds I feel for him like I feel he's doing a great show that you've ruined and I also have been in that same position with you on a Friday night

where you're like I love you, man. I love your heart. I love your face. And I'm like, yeah, well, maybe for another time. Boost Talks ZB back next week. We'll see how Ben goes. 30 seconds to beat.

Wake up full of shame. Wake up with these guys. It's Jono and Ben on the hits. Bit of wild weather around the country last night. So I hope everyone's all right in lockdown today. Wild, wet and windy. And that's just what was in Ben's trousers. What does that mean?

I don't know. I'm just saying words. Sometimes they make sense, other times they don't. I mentioned something when you came in this morning, what I did yesterday, and I was very disappointed in myself. It was a lockdown eating feat. One I'll chalk up, one for the history books. They might document this into Papa in years to come.

I was sent to get a cheesecake. So I went to the shop where they sell cheesecakes. And in the car, I was like, that's a delicious looking cheesecake. And I just started eating as I was driving. So what, with just your hands? Just bare hands, just raw hands. No utensils,

just hands. Just hands. It was sliced up. So I'm not just like grabbing fistfuls of cheesecake and putting it in my mouth. But then by the time I got home, there was only,

there was one slice left. So you're like, I better go back to the shop. No, I was like, I'm in too deep now, I better have that one. And I got back

and they were like, where's the cheesecake? I was like, they've got none. So she was like, you're in too deep now. I better have that one. And I got back and they were like, where's the cheesecake? I was like, they've got none. So she was like, you're telling me that the place has cheesecake in the title of their shop, they've run out of cheesecakes? I was like, yeah, if you wouldn't read about it. It's a bad name for their business because really they had nothing.

So 0800, the hits of the telephone number. You can get a hold of us anytime, 0800 843 4487. Text 4487 as well. Can anyone beat that eating feat in lockdown? Ben? No, no. Had a hummus binge or whatever you bloody. You always give me grief because I'm not a big sweet tooth.

No, you eat carrots and tabbouleh. Yeah. No, but yeah. What is tabbouleh? Did I make that up? No, tabbouleh. But I'm more of a hummus and carrot sticks sort of guy. I'm not really a big sweets person.

No. You look like a guy that would do yoga. You look very healthy. You look very healthy. Your body looks very healthy. I mean, better than mine. Your life decisions are working. I did eat a whole cheesecake on the way back home yesterday.

But anyway, let's see if anyone else has managed to achieve something like Jono did in lockdown. Eating greatness. We're going to head to Blenheim. Jeez, I like Blenheim. We went to Blenheim once. Remember that? Yeah. It was lovely.

It was a beautiful place. Is it still lovely, Sarah? Yes. Beautiful. Love it here. Yeah, what are we doing in Blenheim? I can't even remember what we did in Blenheim. We learnt how to say it correctly.

That's what we did. That's right. Those memories. Fond memories. Sarah, what was your eating feat during this lockdown period? Well, on the first day of lockdown, I decided I'd perfect the perfect fried chicken recipe. And I've made it about 15 to 20 times now

because I just can't quite get the recipe right. What, you've had the same chicken meal 20 times? Yeah, I would just have it as a snack throughout the day. That's a lot of chicken. High chicken intake. Yeah, it's good it as a snack throughout the day That's a lot of chicken That's a high chicken intake Yeah, it's good though, you know You know there are other options, eh? You know what I'm saying?

As well, you're on to a good thing Keep going with it Look after Blemmen for us, okay Sarah? Thank you very much to the Mount Jess, you're on the air Welcome to New Zealand's Breakfast, buddy Hello, hello Good to have you on, Jess

What's your eating accomplishment during this lockdown period? You're on the air. Welcome to New Zealand's breakfast, buddy. Hello, hello. Good to have you on, Jess. What's your eating accomplishment during this lockdown period? Inside of lockdown, I had two cases of red wine for a work function, and I just started dipping into it thinking I'd replace it when I go back to work. Now, both cases are empty. Oh, two cases of red wine. Wow. I imagine there's a lot of households around New Zealand in that same position.

What's in a case? 12 bottles. I think it's 12 bottles. 24 bottles of red wine. Oh, don't make it feel worse. What's the average? How many days we've been in lockdown? Oh, there's been a few.

That's spaced out. That's fine, right? That's fine. It's all fine. All normal stuff. What's a habit? It's up to you to decide. Over the weekend, maybe we'd ask you some questions. It's five o'clock somewhere, isn't it?

Exactly. Good on you. Exactly. Good on you, Jess. Love your work. Thank you so much for listening to the show. Well, thank you. Low in calories and low in laughs.

It's Jono and Ben on my hits. Now it is Mother's Day on Sunday. Jono and Ben, mum's the word. This is a fun wee game we're about to play. Thanks very much to Cadbury Roses. Stuck on Mother's Day gift ideas. Nothing says thanks, Mum, like a box of Cadbury Roses. And we're going to play a wee game where not only the person today

will win their mum some Cadbury Roses, a hamper for their mum, but also potentially win $1,000 on Friday. Nothing worse than you get to a day like a Mother's Day or a birthday and you've forgotten halfway through the day and you're like, well, the first thing you do is like, what's my excuse? And then you panic buy things. They don't even sell flowers at the petrol station now. You can't even panic buy.

You just have to come back with like a Santy bar and a glass of unleaded 91 from the petrol station. That's your only option. But we're going to go to Hamilton. Mark, welcome. G'day, mate. How are you? Oh, we're doing well, buddy. How's your morning going in the Tron? Oh, wet. Is it raining? What go to Hamilton. Mark, welcome. G'day, mate. How are you? We're doing well, buddy. How's your morning going in the

Tron? Wet. Is it raining? What do you do? Hammering down. Hammering down. What do you do? What's that, mate? What do you do? Me? I'm a architect. Oh, hoity-toity architect. Alright, Mark,

we're going to call your mum. Now, what we're going to do is we're going to time you while you're on the phone. You need to get her to try and say a word or a name. As soon as she does say that, the timer stops, and that's the leaderboard, okay? If you have the shortest time by Friday, you win $1,000 thanks to Cadbury. Awesome. Annette's her name. Good mum?

Yeah, yeah, very good, very good. Washed you? Taught your manners? Bit old, did you say? Yeah, yeah, very good, very good. Washed you, taught you manners. Bit old, did you say? Yeah, I don't know how this is going to go. All right, well, you've got to get your mum to say Ashley Bloomfield, all right? Okay. Okay.

Without saying, mum, can you say Ashley Bloomfield? Or else that would really be a huge hole in our game plan. Yeah. Good luck, Mark. Cheers. Fastest time across the week gets $1,000. Thanks to the Cadbury Roses. Will Annette answer the phone?

That's the first step, right? Oh, mum, come on. Probably can't find the phone. Another flaw in our game was we didn't think that people would not answer the phone. Come on. Now, Gabby Rose's new limited edition packaging. I'm just reading here just in time for my day. Hi, you're British and it's...

Oh, and it's not answered. That was my sister on the answer phone. She was like, I can't even do the answer phone. Can't answer the phone and do the message. I'm traumatised after this. Do we? Should we go? Okay, we'd better let you go, Mark.

We'll go to... Thank you for calling, buddy. Thanks. Sorry that we didn't get your mum on that. Rebecca. Sorry, Rebecca's with us. You're in Auckland? Yeah.

Your mum Viv? She got it answering phones? I hope so. Yeah, so do we. Or else you're going to hear two radio announcers flailing to fill in the airtime. I could talk about the new limited edition packaging on the Cadbury Roses. Oh, there's new limited edition packaging. It looks really good, actually.

For Mother's Day, isn't it? Yeah, if nothing says thanks, Mum, like a box of Cadbury Roses. Anyway, we'll ring your mum. And you've got to get her to say Ashley Bloomfield as fast as you can without obviously saying Ashley Bloomfield. Good luck, Rebecca. This is Viv. I'm trying to think who she is.

She's a radio announcer or... No, no, no. The medical guy who does the briefings for the nation, Ashley Bloomfield, every day with Jacinda. Oh, yes, okay. Yeah. Oh, this is a bloody shambles. No, they take long to answer.

They'll answer, but they just take a while. Do we stick with it, Rebecca, do we? Okay. Yeah. Because every bone in my body is saying, get out of this and play another Maroon 5 song. We could drag this out like Peter Jackson and do like a three-part trilogy or something. You know, I'm going to call time on it here.

Sometimes in radio, you win some. Let's not do a post-analysis now. Sometimes you lose some. So what we're going to do, we'll play a song, we'll come back and hopefully... I'll get more of this. Yeah, man, hopefully one of these goddamn mothers will answer the phone. Penny's on the phone from Christchurch. more of this. Yeah, man. Hopefully one of these goddamn mothers will answer the phone.

Penny's on the phone from Christchurch. Welcome, Penny. Morning, guys. Cantab looking good this morning. Oh, beauty. Oh, lovely. Lovely day in Christchurch. Okay.

Velma. Have we got Velma, your mother, on the phone? You do. Hello, Velma. Velma from further south in Invercargill. Further south? Where? Bluff?

Oh, close. To a tarpry. Invercargill. Further south where? Bluff? Close. To a tarpry? Invercargill. No, she said it was all the way further south than her daughter. Oh, I was trying to go more south than Invercargill. Can you go further south for us today, please? Just walk down to Bluff. I'm moving, I'm moving.

Good on you. Okay, Velma, the timer starts now. Penny's got to get you to try and say a word or a name. Take it away, Penny. Mum, who stands beside Jacinda at one o'clock every day? Ashley Bloomfield. Oh, jeez, that was quack. That is a hell of a lead.

Five seconds, was that? Six seconds. Six seconds on the leaderboard. Great time, Penny. That's still the winning time at the end of the week, thanks to Cadbury. Guess what you're going to win, Velma? I have no idea. A thousand bucks? Yeah, a thousand dollars if you're the best time at the end of the week thanks to Cadbury. Guess what you're going to win, Velma? I have no idea. A thousand bucks.

Yeah, a thousand dollars if you're the best time on Friday, but you have right now a Cadbury Roses hamper, which you've got for Mother's Day already. So have a great Mother's Day on Sunday, and we could be calling you on Friday if that's the best time. Oh, well, thank you so much. Good on you, Velma. You could buy Invercargill for a thousand dollars, couldn't you?

Oh, yeah. Love your work, Kat. Look after yourselves, Velma. You could buy Invercargill for $1,000, couldn't you? Oh, yeah. Love your work, Kat. Look after yourselves and happy Mother's Day, eh? Want more Jono and Ben? You can wake up with the boys' weekdays from sex on the hits and via the iHeartRadio app.