Jono, Ben & Megan - The Podcast - May 07 - Sam Cane, Controversial Callouts, Jono's Theory On Parking

Episode Date: May 7, 2020

Scrolling Through Your Feed Win An AdControversial CalloutsSpyLost & FoundSam Cane called in Ben Scare called inRude AwakeningWe're doing a Zoom-A-ThonBig News Small TownJono has a theory on parking Around The NationSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Just when you thought you couldn't get enough of Jono and Ben, you can have them anywhere, anytime. Welcome to the Jono and Ben podcast. Welcome to the podcast, a little Friday, Thursday podcast. Yeah, number one on iHeart, on the iHeart charts. Now I have to come clean Ben, we're new to this company. Yeah. And we worked at another company previous to this. We did.

Called MediaWooz. Yes. And can I tell you a secret? What's that? They haven't shut me out of Yes. And can I tell you a secret? What's that? They haven't shut me out of their email. Can I tell you a secret? Yeah. Me too. I'm still getting emails from the old company. Same. Every day. I feel bad about them.

Yeah, and they're mostly mundane ones like, move your car from the car park, there's a parking water nail on the street and stuff. But I feel dirty still receiving these emails yeah surely they should send us stop sending them to us well surely the first thing when we left the company you'd imagine that they would go hey should we end these guys emails again no no keep them going they might want to keep up to date with you know what what free

goods you can get from reception i mean so much scandalous information like that you know fire alarm test that was last week they did that, you know. That's some big news. Give me some more salacious gossip from across the road. Okay, the milk supply, it's happening

Tuesday and Thursdays now. So there's still milk during the lockdown? Yeah, yeah. Not as regularly, obviously, because it's harder to get, but there you go.

And if someone's taken the laminator from reception, please return that immediately. I hope that's returned. Well, that was from March. We're getting that hot fire. We're still getting that hot fire gold.

So I don't know if the laminator, I hope the laminator's back by now. So the reason for this is I'm planning this as a little Easter egg to see if the message gets back to our former company and see how long our email accounts last for. It's a friendly reminder. I reckon they'll be gone tomorrow.

Much like the missing cupcakes in March from Bluebell's Cupcakes. They were left there and where have they gone? Someone would like to know. Anyway. Anyway, enough of that about us reading emails from our old company. Enjoy the podcast. Not a morning person.

Sadly, neither of these two. It's Jono and Ben on the hits. Today, a big day for New Zealand. We find out what Level 2 is going to be like. We won't go to Level 2 today, but we find out will schools be open, will gyms, will hairdressers, all those things we'll find out what Level 2 is going to be like. We won't go to Level 2 today, but we find out, will schools be open, will gyms, will hairdressers? All those things we'll find out today. I've been living life like I'm in Level 1, mate. Oh, jeez.

Been loving it. Licking door handles. I licked you the other day. Okay. Back to my rampant licking addiction. That's right. I haven't been able to lick anything for the last four weeks. Hey, I tried that.

You know how they play Les Mills, those crazy people jacked up on protein on TVNZ? Oh, the workouts they do on the TV. They're always in some exotic location. Yeah. I tried one last night because I'd recorded it, and it was the body combat. Jesus.

How's your body? What's it combating? I didn't punch anyone, but I feel like I've been punched. And I've got no rhythm. Like, it's all like dancing and rhythm, and it's like nothing can make you feel gumbier than a Les Mills workout. I remember going once, my friend was a member,

and I went years ago to a pump class at Les Mills. And you're meant to select a weight, and you're like, oh, yeah, I'll be fine. And you select something. But because of the repetition, you do so many of them. Oh, it kills you. There's ladies like 50-year-old ladies going, yeah! And you're like, I can't lift anything over the

top of my shoulders. It's like a cult. It's like Gloria Vale or Destiny Church. And they're just shouting cliches at you. They're like, come on! The only fight you're in is the fight against yourself. You're like, yeah, but I can't move my arms. We can do this

and together we will unite. And I'm like, what does it even mean? Who's producer Juju? I bloody love Liz Mills. I cannot recommend it higher. Body combat, sign me up, pump. I mean, I did the same as you, Ben,

in my first class. You've got to go for a very light weight. I imagine you'd be bouncing all around, jumping. I should take you guys for a class one day. We will do that. I couldn't even lift my leg up they're like, kick up to this guy and you get annoyed with them

even if they're not in the same room you're like, stop telling me what to do anyway I think that was a lovely ad for Les Mills Patricia Juliette, it sounds like she's recruited us to go along like starting your day without your morning coffee it's Jono and Ben on the hits.

What's that? Oh no. Shut up. Now what? Oh, it's Jono and Ben's rude awakening. Now, we've been on The Breakfast Show

for a couple of weeks getting up, you know, like at four in the morning to get in here at work to start at six and we thought, well, we're up. Let's get other people

up as well. That's right. It's a great way to start the day for everyone, apart from the person that we call and wake up and put on the radio, Astrid. You'd like to do this to your son. Yes, I would. You mad dog. I don't know if he's going to answer, but...

How old is he? He's 22 today. Is he in the... Oh, great. Is he in the workforce? Has he got any reason to be up at this hour? Well, he is usually, but we're still a little bit slow, so he's doing a little bit, but I don't think he'll be up yet.

Ben used to break into my house and wake me up. Once he woke me up and he put the coffee table over my head. Oh, that's right. And then we let off an air horn and you got a fright. I saw it on the internet. It was a great thing. You got a fright and then you hit your head when you wake up. You hit it on the coffee table. It's a fine line between breaking

and entering and pranking Astrid, isn't it? Sure is. When you've got a camera and you film it yourself, it seems to be more pranking, but when it's getting filmed by security cameras, that's probably breaking and entering. Aye, aye, aye. So we're going to go through to Tyrone on his 22nd birthday. Chance to win $40 worth of Hell Pizza if he gets

all four questions correct. Where in the country are you, Astrid? We're in Auckland. Good morning in Auckland. How's the traffic? Free-flowing on the motorway, backed up to Gillies? It's so sweet. Loving it. Well, there seems to be more people out and about, though, over the last week, I reckon.

There's a few people, but yeah, traffic's flowing good. Feels like it's 85% back to normal. Yeah. Yeah. Tyrone. Oh, we've got a hang-up, Astrid. Nothing.

We've got nothing. Okay, well, let's ask you the four questions. All right. If you nail them, we'll give you $40 worth of Hell Pizza. I feel bad. We've called Tyrone. He hasn't answered. It's his birthday.

You know, we do this. All we want to do is get a little bit of light entertainment. But deep down, deep down, as a human being, I feel awful doing this to people. Here's the first question. For Astrid to win $40 worth of Hell Pizza for her son who refuses to answer the phone, Gordon Ramsay is a celebrity what?

A. Mechanic. B. Chef. C. Debt collector. B. Chef. Well done. Bruno Mars. His birth name is what? A. Bruno Mars bars.

B. Peter Gene Hernandez. Or C. Kevin. B. Peter Gene Hernandez. or C, Kevin? B. Peter Gene Hernandez. I don't know how he ended up with Bruno Mars. No, I don't either. And now's not the time to look into it. Oh, yeah.

If I was in Cape Riyanga, whereabouts in the country would I be? The top, bottom, or middle? Very top. That's right. Beautiful part. We went up there, didn't we, Ben? Cape Riyanga. Sorry, just Googling Bruno Mars.

Yeah, you tell us how you get onto that Bruno Mars. I remember we went to Cape Brianga, and we were doing something for Cure Kids, and we were greeted by the local iwi, and we got in a hongi situation, so I had to hongi the local iwi, and I ended up with, it was a bit confusing for me,

because some people you would hongi nose to nose, and then other people you go for a kiss on the cheek. So I was third or fourth person down and then I ended up with a lady's nose in my mouth. Remember that? Yeah, I do remember that. It was an awkward situation. So Bruno Mars got his nickname as a toddler

because he looked like a wrestler, a famous wrestler at the time whose name was Bruno. So he was a toddler. Great research. The Mars came in later. Having got the Mars part, the Bruno came in wrestler, famous wrestler at the time whose name was Bruno. Oh, there we go. He was a toddler. Great research. The Mars came in later. Haven't got the Mars part, the Bruno came in from a famous wrestler. All right, you got $30 with the Hell Pizza Astrid.

Your final question, Jeremy Wells, is a host on what television show? Seven Sharp, Seven Blunt, or Seven Dwarves? We'll go Seven Sharp. And you will go to Hell Pizza and use your $40 voucher or you can give it to your son. Who knows?

He doesn't know you've won it. I'll give it to him for his birthday. Oh, you're very nice. You can get that at hell.co.nz. Thank you for being part of the Rood Awakening.

Cheers, guys. Have a good day. Start your day the wrong way. It's Jono and Ben on my heads. Scrolling through your feed. Scrolling through the feed.

When I scroll through Ben's feed, it's just filled up with erotic pictures of kale and hummus, isn't it? And me pointing at things. Yeah, you like pointing at things in the photo. I feel awkward in photos, so I don't know what to do with my hands, so I just point.

And I don't know if, Producer Juliet, you've noticed when Ben takes a photo, he makes a noise and he's like... I never noticed that. You'll notice it now. My wife actually pointed it out. I didn't know I did it when I smiled, but for some reason I go... I'll never be able You'll notice it now. My wife actually pointed it out. I didn't know I did it. Wait, I smile, but for some reason I go... I'll never be able to not notice it now. I try and not do it, but every now and again I forget.

Now, today is a big day. We find out what Level 2's going to look like. Will gyms be open? Will hairdressers? Will schools? Will shops? All those big decisions. And Jacinda Ardern, she's getting quizzed by the media.

This was her on the AM show yesterday. What's the figure you're looking for? Because I reckon this week looks like last week and next week could look like this week. And all the international experts are saying that this is going to be the new normal for months and months and months. What are we waiting for? I didn't realise you were an epidemiologist. Congratulations on your new qualification.

Oh my god! Do do do do! Hello, is that Dr Ashley Bloomfield? Yes, I've got a patient for the burns unit. It was a good clap back, eh? It was great. Oh, my God. And just so you do know, we have worked with Duncan Garner,

and he did do a TAFE course in epidemiology. I don't know if he's completed it yet. He said he was battling away. He's still got the AM show to do, so he does it afterwards. Well, someone that is a qualified epidemiologist has actually said today that you should be wearing masks in Level 2 out in public. That's what they said in New Zealand. No, but I've been sticking with gloves,

and I feel like the judgment fills up, you know? Even when you're out and about, though. With gloves out and about. Do you feel like you get judged at the supermarket? Yeah, I do. I feel like the tide has turned on masks and gloves. Okay. Well, because in America,

there's some places where it's illegal to not wear masks. And Donald Trump, Prime Minister, sorry, President of America, not the Prime Minister, he's probably the Prime Minister as well, according to him. So he went to a mask factory where they make masks in Arizona

and not once did he put a mask on. And there were hundreds of thousands of masks surrounding him. He was talking next to a bin and going, oh, what's this? They're like, oh, here's hundreds of masks and this is what we're doing talking next to a bin and going, oh, what's this? They're like, oh, here's hundreds of masks and this is what we're doing. He's like, oh yeah, oh yeah.

Breathing all over the masks, but still at one stage, you're like, maybe I should put one on. I'm getting a demonstration from someone else, but I'm not going to put one on. This guy can't lose the election just for comedy purposes. We're going to have no content

if Donald Trump loses the election later this year. Yeah, because even as he was walking around the factory, this song was blasting, I kid you not, from Guns and Roses. Live and let die. Live and let die. So they're not even the Paul McCartney version,

the Bogan Guns and Roses option. I don't know if it was like Donald Trump saying, hey, this is the song, I want to walk around this mass factory too, but the irony of the song, while you're at a mask factory and him not wearing a mask, I mean, you couldn't script better comedy than that, would you? I have had it. Well, I don't know why we haven't done show masks.

We need to capitalise on the rona, don't we? Well, I don't know if we capitalise it, but maybe help people out. No, not help people out. Help ourselves out. Financial gain. I don't want financial gain out of this. We should make some masks. We'll get producer Hum out. Financial gain. I don't want financial gain out of this. You should make some masks. We'll get producer Humphrey onto it.

I don't want financial gain, though. I do. No, I don't. We'll sell the mask. And they can have funny slogans like, apologies, I have chronic halitosis, or just had my lip filler. Yeah, okay.

I'm down with funny slogans. Sorry, I've got the rona. Stay two metres away. Maybe not that one. That's a bit too far. We'll get on to the masks. Show masks. 19 bucks or something? No, free. COVID $19.99

ties in. No, just free. We're free. We're not a money making thing. We're not going to make money off coronavirus. Anyway, we'll get on to the masks. We'll talk about whether we charge for them or not. Wake up full of shame. Wake up with these guys. It's Jono and Ben on the hits. Now, the truckies are doing great work for New Zealand

and have been right through the lockdown, delivering products all over the country. Truck drivers are some of my favourite people. I love them better than my own family. They are the backbone of New Zealand, but they can't go through the drive-through. They can't get McDonald's or whatever takeaways at the moment because the trucks are too big to go through the drive-through

and they can't get out of their trucks to go into the... I would just drive. If I was in a truck, just... Just go straight through the roof. big to go through the drive-thru and they can't get out of their trucks to go into the i would just drive if i was a truck just scrape through the roof it's like 1.7 meter who says all right because if you didn't have a car you couldn't have mcdonald's now because you're not allowed to walk through the drive-thru right so i reckon there's a business there's a hole in the market there for just doing loops of the drive-thru picking up people who don't have vehicles and taking them through. Wouldn't they be car because of social distancing? But what about renting cars in the McDonald's car park

for you to go around the... So what you're saying, let's rent what, 60 cars? Like Juicy Rentals moves into the whatever car park. 10 bucks, you can ride, you can drive this through. Yeah, and then you come around, away you go. We'll clean the car out afterwards, disinfecting it, we're good to go. This is why we are going to be multi-millionaires.

Stuff like this, ideas like this. And we're also giving away free advertising for your idea or your business right now. Don't tell the sales department because it's Jono and Ben's Winning Ad! Alrighty, so we phone someone in New Zealand at random, a hard

working Kiwi, we put them on the spot. All they're trying to do is do their job, and we harass them for two or three minutes, pretending that we want them to advertise their business. Well, they do get a free ad, they've just got to fill in the blanks. It's quite confusing for them, but we'll give someone a call from Bulls today. Yeah, we're going to Bulls. I love Bulls. I love how everything's a pun name. Unbreaker Bulls and all that sort of stuff. It's great.

Hello, Val speaking. Hello, Val speaking. You sound a little croaky, a little tired. Oh, yeah, very tired. It's Jono and Ben here from The Hits. You've won an ad. An ad? Yeah.

Have you heard about one of the Kiwi businesses? It's the... Bull's Bridal and Warboot accessories... Bull's Bridal and Ball Boot Accessories. Bull's Bridal and all the accessories and bulls there. And ball accessories. Oh, ball accessories. Bulls, bull, bull, bull. Bulls and balls.

It's a lot of... It's a lot to get your mouth around. Famous for its popular... Selection in hair jewellery. Okay, I feel like you're reaching here You're just trying to make stuff up here And don't forget the crowd favourite A tiara for every princess

Oh, lovely How many tiaras have you got? One for every princess, you idiot I just told you Yeah, yeah, yeah Probably about 50 different ones 50, wow But wait, there's more Because that's not even the best thing about them.

Let me tell you about it right now. The personal service. Well, what is the personal service? What does it involve? You can come over to my house and if I want to dress up like a princess. No, no, no. I help you look like a princess in the shop. Oh, right.

Okay, so that's as personal as it gets. That's personal, mate. I mean, obviously lockdown makes it a bit difficult right now, but I'm sure in the future. Oh, right. Okay, so that's as personal as it gets. That's personal, mate. I mean, obviously lockdown makes it a bit difficult right now, but I'm sure in the future. It does. Yeah. And who could forget that catchy slogan? I have no idea.

Oh, you had a really good one before. We've got a tiara for every princess. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, you've already had that. We've already been given the slogan. It's like a one-stop bridal shop. She's like, I'm trying to come up with fresh content here for you guys. And their wonderful staff,

who sometimes like to reveal a secret about themselves live on the radio. No, not going there. No, tell us what you've done. Come on. Do you feel pressure being in bulls that you have to come up with a pun, you know, a pun name for your business? Oh, I've got one. It's bling-a-bull. B-L-I-N-G.

Bull. Bling-a-bull. Bling-a-bull. I mean, because I'm looking at the shops in Bull. What a load of bull is the gift shop. You've got the scrapper bull. Scrapper bull is the, what's scrapper bull? Is that the scrapyard? No, no, that's

scrapbooks. Oh, yep, that's scrapbooks. Oh, yep. Itchy balls. What? I think we need to call the constable. The constable. Oh, there you go. Itchy balls, I think the eczema centre.

Yeah. Or the medical centre, if you pick. I do like it. I'm reading online, it's like a town full of dad jokes, really, isn't it? You go to town. It is, it is. Oh, nice. And a town like no other.

Oh, enjoy. You stay safe and balls, and lovely talking to you. Okay, thanks. Want more Jono and Ben? You can catch up with the boys anytime. Just search Jono and Ben on Facebook. Pineapple or pizza, awesome. The French TV show, they're overrated.

I don't really like chocolate Controversial call-outs This is when Jono and I get a chance to say something that may be deemed controversial by other people and we see if anyone will agree with us on 0800 The Hits This is actually our trial run for Newstalk ZB so we record this and send it upstairs and see if we've got a future in talkback

So far they haven't been quite hard-hitting enough for Newstalk ZB. They've been a bit light and, you know, sort of... But although the other day I got a lady to agree with me that we shouldn't be sending children to school and they can just... Oh, true. The internet should educate New Zealand's kids.

Okay, here we go. Shall I start today? You can start today. My controversial call-out today is... I don't agree with you. No. Bring back plastic straws. Bring back plastic straws.

I don't know why we got rid of them. Just because they... I don't know. We. No. Bring back plastic straws. Bring back plastic straws. I don't know why we got rid of them. Just because they, I don't know, we killed a couple of dolphins. Who cares? There's so many dolphins. So what's, hang on. And how are the plastic straws killing the dolphins? I don't know, but somehow they're killing them. It's about the environment.

Plastic's not good for the environment. Well, then they have paper straws now, cardboard straws. Literally the worst invention in the world. What happens to paper when it's put in liquid? It gets soggy. So you end up with a soggy, sloppy cardboard straw. And I would happily lose 100, maybe 150 dolphins not to have the feel of soggy cardboard on my lips.

Wow, this has really gone controversial. Well, you know you can drink without using a straw. I like straws. And I like them to be plastic. And the cardboard ones make me feel like I'm kissing my 85-year-old nana with a moustache. Yeah, I admit the cardboard ones are not great, but yeah. I mean, we've done some, hey, listen,

over the last five weeks, the world has done a great job of repairing the planet. Let's go back to destroying it. Well, yeah, there's a lot of people actually, in all truth, that's saying now that we should put plastic around vegetables and put them in bags because of the hygienic purposes. Oh, yeah. People don't want other people touching their fruit and veggies right now,

so put your carrots in a bag. My mother-in-law, Kathy Long, always talks about this. She's like, in the 70s, all we had was paper bags. Then they were like, you're destroying all the forests. And now they're like, going back to destroying the forests because we need to stop using plastic. All right, 100 of the hits is the phone number. If you agree with Jono that plastic straws are actually quite good.

And I'm going to say, for me, controversially, I like Coldplay. Oh, my, of course you do. I do. The New York Times once called them the most insufferable band of the decade, but I love them. I love Coldplay. They're the most inoffensive band of the decade, but I love them. I love Coldplay. They're the most inoffensive band of the decade. Fix you, scientists.

Viva La Vida, great songs. Chris Martin, the singer, he once travelled to a concert on the Tube with the punters. That's how down to earth they are. 15% of all their profits go to charity. They're a great concert. I had a great time at Coldplay. Of course you did. He had his camembert cheese, his cab sav.

He sailed to Mount Smart Stadium on his yacht. Yeah, I had a great time at Coldplay. Of course you did. He had his camembert cheese, his cab sav. He sailed to Mount Smart Stadium on his yacht. Yeah, I had a great time. They get a bad rap, but they make great songs. Okay, so you want someone to agree with you that Coldplay are a great band? Don't be ashamed of it, New Zealand. Do you like Coldplay? That's fine, because I like Coldplay.

Hold your polo shirts up high and scream to the crowd, I love Coldplay, and I am not ashamed. I'm Coldplay. Hold your polo shirts up high and scream to the crowd, I love Coldplay and I am not ashamed. I'm not ashamed. Well, you've got your arms folded like you are ashamed. This is where anyone agrees with us. Who loves Coldplay or who thinks we should bring back plastic straws? Let's go to Nicole. You're on the air with New Zealand's Breakfast.

Nicole, great to have you. What's your thoughts? I do not like the plastic, the cardboard straws, sorry. We use them at a rest home, and they're a nightmare in the hot drinks for the oldies. Oh, they would be in the hot drinks. Why are they drinking hot drinks out of a straw? I don't care, because she agrees with me.

Well done, Jono. You've got to win. Thank you, Nicole. Anyone on the text machine for Coldplay? Anyone? What are your thoughts about Coldplay, Nicole? I do like Coldplay. We got a double win, but you got it first.

Which is a very Coldplay outcome. Everyone wins, and we'll give 15% of this to charity. Thank you so much, Nicole. You have a great day, all right? She's gone. I put her on hold, sorry. Lou in calories and Lou in laughs. It's Jono and Ben on my hits.

Spy, know what's up. Spy.co.nz With our producer, Milju. Millennial Juliet comes in with the latest goss. Milju, eh? Straight from the net. Straight from the latest goss. Mill Jew, eh? Straight from the net. Straight from the internet. Exactly.

So Adele hasn't been active on social media since the end of last year. So after this hiatus, she posted a photo on Instagram to celebrate her 32nd birthday. And everyone is just absolutely loving how she looks. She's in this black dress, looks beautiful with this big wreath around her and everyone's just like, oh my God, Adele. Now, Rumour has it

that, that's a song title though for Adele's bed. Rumour has it. I was looking at me and I was smiling and I was like, where's he going? Uh oh, where's he going?

Rumour has it she shed like 40 kgs. Yeah, she has and that's why everyone's like, oh my Lord. So she has lost a bit, she has. And that's why everyone's like, oh my Lord. So she has lost a bit. She has posted a few photos over the past year. Slowly she's lost more and more weight.

But yeah, if you compare her now compared to a couple of years ago, my gosh. Do you like her less though? What? No. Don't you just like her the same? Like her the same. But you know. It doesn't matter what you look like.

It does. No, it doesn't. You've already wound up some people before with your jokes. We like her the same. But you know... It doesn't matter what you look like. It does. No, it doesn't. You've already wound up some people before with your jokes. I know you're joking. But they don't know you yet. They don't know that you're joking. She's still an absolute character. If you saw her when she came to New Zealand,

she was hilarious on stage. She decided to sort of step away from touring and stuff after that mammoth concert. Yeah, I think so. Yeah, yeah. But her next album will be a banger. And will she name it after her age? Maybe, possibly, because she's done that in the past.

So she might do it again. And Grimes and Elon Musk, so their first child was born the other day. And Grimes has explained the meaning of the sun's name. So it's written really weirdly, but it's pronounced X, Ash Archangel. X stands for unknown variable. Ash represents love and artificial intelligence, which is weird. A12, which is the spelling of one of the names, is their favourite aircraft. And as a whole, it basically means great in battle but non-violent.

And I still just can't get over the name. It's really weird. I get their love of aircraft. I love my little kids Boeing 747 and Dreamliner. Love those kids. Dreamliner, Jetstar, Pryor. I didn't realise that Elon Musk, it wasn't actually the original founder of Tesla.

He was just one of the first investors in the company. So I always thought it was his company that he started from scratch, but he obviously invested in it and helped made it a thing, and now he's kind of leading the charge. He got all his money from Bitcoin or something, didn't he, back in the day? Or some, like, internet transaction thing? I don't know. I should have done more research here, but congratulations to Grimes and Elon Musk.

Every time I hear Musk, I think of Lynx Musk. Remember that? Oh, yeah, that was a fragrance. The smell of a teenage boy's bedroom. Yeah. Lynx Musk. Do you want to be into a few of those school socials? Yeah.

I was going to say, you want to be into a few teenage boy's bedrooms? Oh, did you just hear that? Or me? I've been to a few of those school socials. Yeah. I was going to say, you would have been to a few teenage boys' bedrooms. Oh, to a producer junior. Or me. I've been to no teenage boys' bedrooms. For more spy, you can head to thehits.co.nz. Like starting your day with panda eyes. It's Jono and Ben on the Hits. I was just reading this story and it did make me chuckle.

Now, in America, this is a legit story. It seems like a joke. But US police officers are searching for an aggressive chicken. Now he's been accused of foul play, I appreciate the pun, but at a local bank. So what he's doing is he's basically harassing patrons when

they go to the ATM. He's hopping in people's cars. He's really just quite aggressive and people are quite scared. So now they're on the loose for a chicken. Birds can. Birds can get an unfound confidence, can't they? And you're like, why are you so confident? Like I'm 20 times bigger than you. I know, but the beaks and the, ugh.

And I know that the bees at the moment, bees have just, their confidence levels have shot through the roof over summer. They just will not go away. Like you swat them away, they'll come back. You spray them with Raid, they're like, mmm, that's like deodorant for me, I love it. Give me some more. Waste a whole can on me, I'll keep coming back for more. Right now, though, thanks to Sony

and thanks to us for finding something in the office. We want to do this. Jono and Ben's Lost and Found. Yeah, we stole a Sony soundbar. I had a look at the Sony soundbar. Very sleek bar of technology, isn't it? Far better than a chocolate bar. Yeah, it's got a built-in sub,

and it's worth $829 at sony.co.nz. So we want to give that away to you now. You've got to answer all five questions correct, and it's all yours. Hi, Morena. James, you're in Rotorua. How are you, buddy? Good, John.

How are you being yourself? Yeah, we're doing well, mate. We were frosty in Vegas this morning. What is it? Crispy cold? Yeah, crispy cold, mate. Bit of frost on the windscreen this. What is it? Crispy cold? Yeah, crispy cold, mate. Bit of frost on the windscreen this morning. It's getting a bit colder now, eh?

Yeah. You drive a truck? Backbone of New Zealand. That's right. Yeah, mate. Essential work I am. What have you got on the back of your truck? Sawdust shavings for your animal bedding,

like chicken thumbs and goat thumbs. Oh, my rich memory of sawdust was we did a promo once in Hamilton at the Outback Bar. And I don't know what goes on there, but they have to put sawdust on the floor. Oh, get a bit messy, eh? Yeah, just soak up all the bad life decisions that happen throughout the night. Or the discharge. Here is your first of five questions.

That's where your sawdust is going, isn't it, James? Dr. Chris Water is a character from what New Zealand soap opera? Dr. Chris Water. Shortland Street. There we go. One from one. The sound bar's looking good. Jennifer Aniston played which character on Friends?

Rachel. Oh, jeez, that's good. Okay, your next question. Which British rock band was the film Bohemian Rhapsody centered around? Queen. He's not even letting our quirky timer finish. Okay, next question. Question four.

Who sung alongside Bradley Cooper for the hit song Shallow? Lady Gaga. Oh, gee. He drives a truck full of sawdust, but I tell you what, he's across his pop culture. Okay, and finally, what digital platform is The Hits streamed on? Where can you listen to The Hits digitally? Oh, what's it called? Come on, James.

You can do it. My heart is beating for you. Your heart, you said? Yeah. Is that a radio app? Yeah, the radio app. I have a heart. I heart radio.

Yeah, well done, buddy. You were 99% there, James. You got the Sony soundbar. It was at the end of my tongue. I just couldn't spit it out. That's all right. Make sure you got to check us out on iHeart now.

That's the only condition. But you got a soundbar. Sony.co.nz, you can win that. I thank them, even though we found it. Awesome, Ned. Thank you very much. We apologise in advance. It's Jono and Ben on the head.

Just announced yesterday, All Black captain, new captain is Sam Cain. Yeah, now we've been sent a number. Apparently he's waiting for an interview. We've been sent a cell phone number. It feels reckless for them to just hand out the All Black Captain's cell phone number to a desperate, fame-hungry radio announcer. We'll give it a go.

Hopefully this is Sam Kane, All Black Captain. Hello, Sam speaking. Hello, Sam speaking. I hope we've got Sam Kane. If not, just pretend you're Sam Kane. It's Jono and Ben here. How are you, mate? Sam Kane.

I'll do, I'll do. You'll do. Whether he is the All Black. If not, just pretend you're Sam Cain. It's Jono and Ben here. How are you, mate? Sam Cain. I'll do. I'll do. Whether he is the All Black captain or not, he's going to pretend he is. Sam Cain, welcome. Hey, guys. How's it going? Good, mate.

Congratulations. It's so awesome. Yeah, thank you. Thank you very much. You've known for a month. How did you keep that a secret? It's a little of an odd one, eh? Normally, the secret wouldn't have to have been kept for so long,

but COVID-19 made sure that happened. It wasn't really appropriate to be announcing stuff like that in the times that we've had, but I obviously told my wife Harriet, gave Mum and Dad a call too, and told them they have to keep it a secret. You're like, I'll end you if this gets out. Yeah, that's just very good. So being All Black Captain, obviously a great honour.

Do you get any extra responsibilities with the media and other stuff, but any extra benefits? Do you get the best seat on the bus? Do you get your own room? Do you get stuff like that? Yeah, traditionally the captain gets his own room. Yo, yo! And his own seat on the bus.

I'm not sure of any other perks at this stage. You can order room service. You can watch any of the Avengers movies. Long-distance phone calls. I'm sure you can do you can watch any of the Avengers movies. Long distance phone calls, I'm sure you can do it all. Yeah, time will tell. Hopefully it won't be long before you find out some of these things, but at the moment, Norbeck's captain

is doing nothing. Because I always felt that when you entered the team that you were always tipped to be captain. And I, hey, who am I? I have no experience. But is it something that they tell you when you first come into the All Blacks? They're like, hey, buddy, you play your cards right. You could be running the ship.

Do they say that sort of thing to you? Nah, look, when I got up first, I was the captain of the team at the 2015 World Cup, the game against Namibia. That sort of shocked me a little bit and made me realise how they must be viewing me in this sort of light. But then it wasn't another few years

before I got the chance again against Italy. I'd been sort of few and far between, but we've obviously had a pretty outstanding skipper in the meantime. So I knew my name would be sort of in the conversation, but absolutely with no expectations. Well, my mum actually sent me a photo yesterday of me in an all-black top when I was little,

going, you could have been an all-black. I'm like, no, mum, I was very untalented. And you saw me play at the park. I couldn't have been in all black. Basically, I haven't grown since I was the same age. He was a little too chubby back then as well, Sam. Yeah, I was a little bit. You need to post that photo. I'm sorry to fat shame a four-year-old. That's all right.

It has to happen. The good thing is I can still fit the top that I was wearing then. I haven't grown much. But what would Sam Cain be doing if he wasn't a rugby player? Did you have any other things you wanted to do? Oh, look, to be honest, I was pretty driven from probably the age of about 14. I was pretty driven to make it in rugby. I was borderline obsessed when I was younger. But obviously I had to have a backup plan

because either going to do a building apprenticeship or I was always quite keen on farming now I'm from a rural background, so one of those two. We've got new All Black Captain Sam Kane with us, talking about stuff you think about during the game. Do you ever think about stuff that's nothing to do with the game? Like, oh shit I forgot to take the

bins out. Or lift the oven on. Do you ever think about stuff, oh I must remember to text XYZ after the game? Or are you fully focused on the game? I think he's quite focused. This is why he's all black capped. But anyway, you answer. You try and be focused.

It's funny when one can think sometimes, oh, thoughts like that, you know, like on the bar, on the lead-up, you're like, what's going on here? Why am I thinking about cats on YouTube right now? Focus. You're playing South Africa in five minutes. Oh, Sam, thank you so much for your time today.

Congratulations. We really do appreciate you talking to us, mainly because, you know, you're a big deal. And also, we know how much you love the rock radio station, our mate Bryce. So we'll probably never get you on again. So we do really appreciate it. Mate, if you love the Backstreet Boys, okay,

and a bit of Fleetwood Mac chucked in for good measure, then you come back here, Sam Cain, if you know what's good for you. Oh, you had me at Fleetwood Mac. Is there a song? What's one song that Sam Cain really enjoys? Because your wedding song was Florence and the Machine. Is that right? Yeah, that was the song that Bridesmaids walks down to.

And Harriet's was something different. Not like the Dark Days. I think you've got the love. You've got the love. Not the Dark Days. Sam Cain, new All Black captain. Before we go, we want to play a game show with you. It's How Well Does Sam Kane Know Sam Kane?

We've got your player stats from allblacks.com and we want to see how many of these you know off the top of your head. Okay, you need to fill in the blanks. Age? 28. Oh, good. He knows that one blanks. Age? 28. Oh, good. He knows that. One from one. Weight?

It's normally a little bit light. Does it say 106? Well, it says 103 on the All Black website right now. Yeah. Height? 189. Oh, well done. Super rugby appearances?

116. Oh, jeez. He's good. He is good. A year of your All Blacks debut? 2012. Good one. If this was a game show, you would be creaming it right now.

You know these guys. Amount of All Black tests you've played? 68. And number of interviews with Jono and Ben on the hits? One. One. There we go. One and done.

One and done. We'd love to have you back, but hey, we know how these things work. Great, Sam. Bloody great news. And really, really happy for you, mate. we'd love to have you back but hey we know how these things work great Sam bloody great news and really really happy for you mate and hopefully you get to play

an All Blacks game this year who knows yeah that'd be awesome hopefully we do thanks Jono making poor life decisions every morning it's Jono and Ben

on the hits next Wednesday join us for the world's longest Zoom call how long will we go I don't know no breaks no sleeps

do join us next Wednesday for mate no breaks no sleeps we. How long will we go? I don't know. No breaks, no sleeps. Do join us next Wednesday from 8. No breaks, no sleeps. We'll just keep going. We'll just keep going. We'll just keep going just to get some traction in this crowded radio market. That's right. That's the byline. Now, we have been on The Breakfast Show for a couple of weeks now,

and each morning we've got a bit of a pact, you and I, that the first one to work is allowed to scare the other person, right? Yeah, it's like a UN peace treaty, except it's not very peaceful because first thing in the morning you get scared by being dressed up like the Chewbacca from Star Wars. You know, I was hiding yesterday and I was like crouched down behind a couch and wearing a Grinch mask going,

what am I doing with my life? Yeah. Why am I here? I've been questioning it as well. I'm a grown man. God damn it, put yourself together. I had a bit of an incident to do with scaring just before lockdown. My mate, who works in an office building in town,

he was like, hey, can you help me come get some of my office supplies, my work stuff to bring home? The Inland Revenue are on to me. I need to get out quick, quick. Yeah, it did feel a little bit like that because we went there at night time in his office. We're the only ones there. We're getting like, he's like, take this to the car.

He's definitely avoiding the authorities. Well, no, because he's working from home now. So it was all during lockdown. So he's like, I've got to take all my stuff home. Anyway, we're the only this to the car. He's definitely avoiding the authorities. Well, no, because he's working from home now. So it was all during lockdown. So he's like, I've got to take all my stuff home. Anyway, we're the only ones in the building. So I was there and he went down, took a load to the car. I was sitting in his empty office at night time. Just putting stuff through the paper shredder.

Deleting files off the computer. Just all innocent stuff. Yeah, all innocent stuff. Run of the mill. But then I heard him walk back up the stairs. My mate's a bit of a practical joker. And then the lights all went off. And I was like, aha, funny.

You've just turned the lights off on me in an empty office. Oh, that would be terrifying, though. Because you don't know your bearings. So I sort of could see towards the door. I was like, I'll get him. So I sort of walked up slightly towards the door, heard him coming. I waited for him to come through the door. And I went, I don't know why I made this noise.

But I went, like that. I waited for him to come through the door and I went, I don't know why I made this noise, but I went, like that. It wasn't him. It was a security guard that works at the office building. He got a fright. I got a fright. Both of us trying to explain the situation because I was like, my mate, he said a thing.

I was like, I hope my mate comes back up the stairs. Did he? He did, thankfully. We sorted it out. The security guard was awesome. Is now dead. No, he was awesome. He's in hospital with heart problems.

We wish him and his family all the best. Condolences. I'm sorry for Ben's actions. I was like, I am so sorry. And I was trying to explain it when you were a bit flustered. And he's obviously a bit flustered anyway. So hopefully we got the important documents all shredded and out of there in time. It was in his 30-year security guard career,

that was literally the only thing that ever happened to him. So there's a public service announcement, don't give frights to anyone you don't know. That's what I'd like to say. Also, it's okay when you do it to me when I'm walking in. Well, because we've got a pact. Well, could he, he's like,

I want you to sign this pact and he spat on his hand. I'm like, mate, have you heard about the Rona? And he's like cutting his blood and it was like a blood pact. How long are we doing this for? Maybe two weeks. You know us. Want more Jono and Ben?

You can catch up with the boys anytime. Just search Jono and Ben on Instagram. Next Wednesday we're going to do the world's longest Zoom call. We're going to start at 8 o'clock. How long we go? We don't know. We're just going to have no breaks, no sleeps. You can join us. Celebrities can join us. People will tag in, tag

out. We might go through the night. I don't know. So you've got that music, Juju? Can I sing along to the song again? This is our official song. I just made it up. Zoom, zoom, zoom, zoom. We want you in our room. We'll talk the night together. It could go on forever.

The Zoomathon is happening next Wednesday at 8 o'clock, so do join us. It'll be streamed on Facebook Live. CNN. Fox News are going to run it as well in between their Trump coverage. Thank you. But right now there was an issue that we're going to talk about next week. On the Zoomathon.

But we need to get it on the air now. Yeah. We welcome back Carl and Sarah. Great to have you on New Zealand's Breakfast again, guys. Thanks for airing your dirty laundry and having the rest of the audience judge you in a snapshot. Carl, what's the deal? You're meant to get married this week? Yeah, I'm meant to get married this week,

and Sarah wants to postpone it for another year. I would rather just get into our first house right now and not see us back. And he wants to do the romantic act of travelling down to the registry office, the Stark registry office, and getting married. And wham, bam, thank you, ma'am. That's it.

Sarah, your opinion? Giving up my wedding, I just can't do it. Can't do it. I want to get married. Next year, 2021, she wants everything. Yeah, she wants a proper wedding. Wants the dress, wants the uncle with the inappropriate speech. You don't have to have what would be considered a proper wedding if you don't want,

but obviously if someone does want that, then that's what they should have, I think. Do you know Ben got married in linen pants? I did. Linen pants that he ordered from the internet and they came too big. He looked like a Backstreet Boy. Yeah, I think they were from the Backstreet Boys actually.

Stuff that they didn't want to wear. Anyway, 0800 The Hits, we're throwing this out to New Zealand. Altair, what do you think?

Should they go to the registry office? Should they wait till 2021? Belinda, you're on the air. Your thoughts? I feel like they should go

to get married like a full-on wedding. It's once in a lifetime. Yeah. She just doesn't want a normal wedding either. She wants a full-on wedding. She wants a bit like a wedding, a wedding wedding. You know, I'm with you. I'm with you on that.

Thank you for your call. Head to Timaru. Chris, you're on the air, buddy. What do you think? Yeah, Chris? Yeah, that's you, buddy. Yeah, mate. Yeah, yeah.

No, I'm on with Sarah and Carl. Honestly, mate, you won't regret it. Wait for the wedding. Do it right. You get a stag do and a big piss up. And you get a big family too. And they all pitch in. Don't worry about the money.

It'll roll in. That's a good call. Sounds like Chris is more focused on the events pre-wedding. It's all part of it, mate. Yes, stay, dude. Get a stripper. It's bloody mean as, mate.

Have a wedding, bruh. Oh, thank you for your call, Chris. No, you're right. The family aspect, I think, is very important. It's all part of it. Because it's not just about you. It's about everyone wanting your share and your special day.

Oh, that becomes apparent. Welcome. Welcome, Jasmine. Hello. You agree with Carl or Sarah on this one? Registry office or full-on wedding? I agree with Sarah. I think Carl shouldn't take her wedding away from her

because at the end of the day, it's just money. Oh, my God. It's a clean sweep, Carl. I'm sorry. I tried to do my best, mate. I know you talked to me. You're like, Jesus, you're my last attempt. Oh, mate, it's all good.

It's all good. So it looks like you're going to drop 20K on a wedding in 2021 and probably be homeless as well because you won't have a house deposit. No, true. You won't regret it, guys. Yeah, as I said before, it's just money. It's just money. Someone, Carl, has just texted saying he sounds very unromantic.

Dump him. There's plenty more fish in the sea. Now, I don't know if that's too drastic. We'll do that phone topic tomorrow, hey? We'll see if everyone does. Should Sarah dump Carl, join us back same time tomorrow. Love your work, guys.

Thank you. All the best for the wedding and buying that house. Thank you for sharing that with the nation. Wake up and smell them. Actually, no, please don't smell them. That's odd. It's Jono and Ben on the hits.

It is your Thursday, or as we're saying, thanks to my friend Fran, a little Friday. A little Friday on a Thursday. Fran's getting a lot of shout-outs for this. Your friend, did she copyright it? No, she didn't. She got it off someone else.

Maybe I need to dig deeper into who first came up with that. No, because you're scared about plagiarism about little Friday? I don't know. But anyway, it is a big day today in New Zealand. We do find out what Level 2 is going to look like. Gyms, hairdressers, schools, shops. What's going to happen next week, if it happens next week?

And your hair is gagging for it, isn't it? Just frothing for a haircut. Yeah, but will that be able to happen, you know, with social distancing? Who knows? Okay, so the news at the moment, dominated by COVID, isn't it? Oh, we're COVID this, COVID that.

Oh, geez, all this and stuff like that. And that's how they're saying it as well. And we're going to go to the Hawke's Bay because we don't like to ignore the small news. From Hawke's Bay today. Now, this is the big news. Small town. And the news, it's not big news today, mate.

Yeah, well, it's so dominated by COVID, we've ended up in the classified section. So it was the choice between calling a prostitute or this. Ben said we can't call... No, not on the hits, mate. I don't even know if you can say that word on the hits. We're going to call a lady who is after an experienced babysitter for the big news small town

and see what exactly she's wanting. Let's go through it, producer Juliette. Hello, Matt speaking. How are you? It's Jono and Ben from the big news. From the Hits radio station. How's it going? Yeah, good, thanks.

The big news small town, you're looking for a babysitter. Experienced. Yes. You can hear the baby in the background. Sounds like a wonderful, wonderful baby. I love that baby. Thank you. Obviously, no, you can't have a babysitter now,

but after lockdown, I guess you'll be looking for someone still? Yeah. What are you looking for in a baby? What are you looking for in a babysitter? Can I just say, this is getting national news coverage right now. I feel like we're... Look, I'm sure this is, anyway. I know you're in Taradale, but we are casting the net from Cape Reanga to the Bluff for babysitters for you, Mae.

So what are you after? Someone have experience, friendly and know what to do with kids, two kids. And what are you not looking for in a babysitter? Well, someone that is not so good with kids and, you know, no violence and stuff like that. Yeah, that makes sense. No violence. Yeah, you want someone that's not, yeah,

the opposite of what you're looking for. Yeah, I think we've really patted this out as much as I think we can. You know, we're both John and I are parents, and it is a big responsibility, you know, leaving someone with your children, you know. It's a big decision to go, you know. Yeah, yeah, it is.

I usually just leave them in the car at the casino. No, he doesn't. That's always an option. That's not an option. Wonderful babysitting service. No, no. Well, I hope you find your babysitter. Thank you. You guys go out and have a night out. Well, I hope you find your babysitter. Thank you.

You guys go out and have a night out. How far away is this? Not that far. Tell you what, I'm going to say it now. Next time we're in Hawke's Bay, Johnna and I will look after your kids one night and you guys have a night out. That would be awesome.

I don't know when that's going to happen and when we're allowed to travel again, but one night we'll... She'll be like, thanks, guy I haven't met. Thanks for that. I can send in a resume. You can talk to my kids.

They can put in a good word. Yeah, your kids will do. We can start up our own babysitting group. Don't talk to my kids. There's no cell phone coverage in the garage or the casino. Sounds good. Okay, well, one night we'll be John-O-Bed babysitters for hire, right? Cool, sounds good.

But in the meantime, you probably want someone more reliable who lives in the same place. Hey, May, you look after yourself, and we hope you find their babysitter. This is the big new small town. Awesome, thank you. Wow, they've got three minutes more airtime than it deserves. Some people skip breakfast, the meal, and also this show.

It's Jono and Ben on the Hits. Of course, today we find out what level two is going to look like, and we don't know when we're going to get there. Hopefully next week. Do you know, we wake up quite early now, so we get up early, and we go running around the place. I run past the same person every day, and we say the same thing every day,

and I've done it for two years, and I don't know this guy. I want to know his backstory. We're just like, bit cold this morning, that's all we say, and then when it's summer, bit hot this morning. We've got no banter. We've got no banter, but I'd love to sit down and get to know him, and if he's listening we say, and then when it's summer, a bit hot this morning, we've got no banter. We've got no banter. So I'd love to sit down and get to know him,

and if he's listening right now, I'm open for a conversation. Well, maybe you should. Or maybe say something different tomorrow. Mix it up. Yeah. Shall we meet for a coffee? He'll be like, what? Why?

Why? Bye. You know what's up. Bye.co.nz. No thanks, strange bald man I run past at four in the morning. Producer Juliet's here. Yes, she is. Hello.

So Harry and Meghan's son Archie, it was his birthday yesterday. And usually it's a royal tradition to post a photo of the babies. They don't care about your royal tradition, those guys. They're going to slap it up on Instagram, get some likes, do a sold post. And that's why I was so sad because they didn't post a photo of little Archie on his birthday But instead a charity posted a video of Megan reading Archie a little story And I was like okay well at least I've got my Archie fix there He looks exactly like Harry pretty much Can I just say you're borderline psychotic about the royals Yeah very obsessed

You're very obsessed I love the royals I met Megan Markle did I tell you that? Did you? Yeah when she came to When her and Harry came to New Zealand We gave her a bunch of flowers. She was really nice, beautiful lady.

Of course she's going to be nice to you. And if you want to hear a little bit of the story, here it is. What are you talking about? Those are his ears, silly. It's a duck and he's about to eat a piece of bread. Oh great, you scared him away. Oh, great. You scared him away. Look, you didn't scare him away. What?

I didn't scare him away. You scared him away. Sounds like she's acting to her baby. You reckon? Yeah. I've been working on something. It might not work here, guys, but I want to pretend through the magic of editing. Okay.

I'm going to stitch up that I'm going to read a book to you, Megan Markle. Okay? Is that okay, Megan? Let's finish this book first and we'll have that book. No, I'd really like to read a book to you, Meghan Markle, okay? Is that okay, Meghan? Let's finish this book first, and we'll have that book. No, I'd really like to read this book, Meghan, because my book is about how Meghan scared Prince Harry out of the royal family. You didn't scare him away. I didn't scare him away.

You scared him away. No, no, you're pretty sure it was you, Meghan. And now Prince Harry doesn't get to see his dad, Prince Charles, as much anymore. Speaking of Charles, what are those big things on the sides of his head? What are you talking about? Those are his ears, silly. Thank you, thank you, guys. We work on that one for 10 minutes.

One-man play. Ben Boy stars in... Touring that around the country where we get more than 100 people back in venues. Amazing, amazing. And Tom Cruise is working with NASA to film a movie in space, so they are making it the International Space Station, and it's the first film to be shot not on Earth.

Wow. And, of course, Tom Cruise is getting a part of it because he's, you know, the king of stunts and everything crazy. Yeah, he's, what is it, funded by Scientology? Well, maybe it's about Scientology. Maybe that's the movie. Neil Armstrong beat him. Neil Armstrong filmed the first movie on the moon in 69.

If you believe some conspiracy theorist, that was in a studio. But I don't think Tom Cruise is human. So he's probably just wanting to get back home. Back to Mars. Have you seen that photo of him sitting on top of the Burj Khalifa in Dubai, which is the world's tallest building? He takes like a cell. So he's in a helicopter.

He climbs out of the helicopter on top of this building, like the highest possible point. Oh, so high. It makes you sick looking at the photo. And he takes a selfie with a selfie stick. I'm like, what is wrong with you? He's not right. He has a death wish. Oh my word. And he's always smiling.

He's even not smiling. Crazy. For more spy, you can head to the hits.co.nz. This is your new breakfast. Health Star rating, still pending. It's Jorow and Ben on the hits. So, reading here, close to freezing temperatures around the North Island today. So, very, very cold.

In Bacargo, a balmy 12 degrees. Oh, gee whiz. I tell you, it's pretty cold in Auckland, guys, too. Tell you what, Auckland's nowhere colder than Auckland. You had to have three lattes this morning, right? Just to warm the cold cockles of my heart. Now, Jacinda Ardern, Prime Minister, no one can argue she's been doing a fantastic job alongside Ashley Bloomfield, navigating our way through COVID.

And we're here today. What Level 2 will look like, if and when we go into that. Yeah, now there's something that we have noticed about our PM, that not only does she do a great job navigating our way through a pandemic, but she also has some of the greatest comebacks as well, some savage comebacks. Oh, so good. So we present

Out Now, Jono and Ben in coalition with the Labour Government present Aunty Cindy's Savage Burns, featuring all of Jacinda's brutal burns, including burns from the news. What's the figure you're looking for? Because I reckon this week looks like last week,

and next week could look like this week. And all the international experts are saying that this is going to be the new normal for months and months and months. What are we waiting for? I didn't realise you were an epidemiologist. Congratulations on your new qualification. Oh, Takagata, looks like you just got burnt in the Jacinda-rator. But that's not all, because Aunty Cindy's savage burns also featured a savage stings from the beehive.

In February 2015, he wrote a letter to all of the fuel companies asking them to bring their prices down. Clearly he thought it was a problem then, but he doesn't now. Ow! Someone call Dr Ashley Bloomfield and get him to prescribe some Savlon for that burn. Why are there over 50 references by her ministers in this parliament

to being a Labour-led government? Because we're in government and you're not. Oh! Simon Bridges looks like you'll have to build up bridges to get over that burn. Trademark takedowns from the PM of comebacks. And if you buy Auntie Cindy's Savage Burns today,

we'll throw in Winston Peters tells people off absolutely free of charge. Sorry, sorry. Can I just say something? Do you mind? In this post-COVID experience, I hope people don't think we're manners. Can I have one at a time? Australia, please. First of all, Sky Australia we've learned a thing called manners. Can I have one at a time? Australia, please.

First of all, Sky Australia. Thank you, Mr. Peters. Auntie Cindy Savage Burns and Winston Peters tells people off. Buy now today for a price of COVID-19. $99 plus GST.

And make sure you pay the tax or you'll get the burn. We have the support of New Zealand. That's why we're here and you're over there. I'm a savage. There we go. And I tell you what, no one was working harder through that

than producer Juliet pushing 900 buttons. Thank you so much, Juliet. I felt like she was like David Guetta at a club. She's like, what are you, one headphone on, one's like spinning over here. This is my DJ debut, everybody. Other radio shows would produce that up and get that nice. And we were like, no, let's go live.

And I think it paid dividends. The radio version of Morning Breath. It's Jono and Ben on the hits. One of the things I'm really enjoying about COVID-19, you can just park anywhere. You can park. There's no parking wardens. I park in, you park in P15s, P30s, emergency vehicles.

Currently, I'm parked on top of an old lady outside. I just parked on top of her this morning. Park anywhere. Some of that is true because it doesn't seem to be ticketing going on at the moment. I guess that's not an essential service, thank goodness. Yesterday I just parked in the fast lane in the motorway. Walk to work. But in all seriousness, around the offices where we work,

you can just park anywhere where normally you'd get a ticket within 15 minutes. When are the parking waters back? They're not back to, like, level one. But we are across the road from the Auckland Council. Yeah, they're not even there. So if anyone's going to get ticketed, it's the people, like, 20 metres across the road. Phil Goff will be, oh, mate, you'll be spewing where I'm parking, Phil.

Not getting charged. And we're out there for five or six hours. You've got a theory, though, and this isn't just COVID-19 related. You just don't pay for parking in general. No. No, no. But you see, Juliet, we haven't talked about this. Now, I don't, I don't think this theory's good because I see how many letters he gets from Baycourt. But anyway, you explain your theory.

So what I do is, I feel like parking, it works in roundabouts, you know? It's like, I'll just go to a car park. Don't pay. If you catch me, well done. Well done. You deserve to ticket me. but if I get away with it then it's fair game it's like cat and mouse

so he thinks it evens out over the year so what he would have paid on parking he pays in fines I've never thought about that before but he gets so many

letters from Lake Corp oh my credit rating is shocking so I don't know if it does work out yeah no because I like because what you do

is you get a letter you get the notice from the council you get the ticket initially then you get a follow up letter from the council so you still don't pay it oh so you get a letter, you get the notice from the council, you get the ticket initially, then you get a follow-up letter from the council. So you still don't pay it? Oh, so you're a slow payer. Yeah, as well.

And then you get a more follow-up, passive-aggressive letter from the council, and they're like, hey, we're going to get the debt collectors on you. Then you get the Baycorp one. If you don't respond to the Baycorp one, the bloody courts reach out to you for a $12 ticket. Surely there's bloody meth dealers

or something they should be looking after. Well, a trick tripped me up the other day. Across the road from work, and this was before lockdown, you've got to basically pay and then you've got to stop it on an app when you leave. Now, that's dangerous because you just forget about it. Well, that's what I did. It wasn't until like 30 hours later. I was like, oh, my God.

I haven't stopped. Like I'd driven home and slept and I'd got up the next day, I was like, oh my God, I haven't stopped. Like I'd driven home and slept and I'd got up the next day and I was still paying for parking. It was like 86 bucks. Do you know what I do sometimes is I am outside work. If I can't be bothered parking at Sky City,

which is literally only a two minute walk away, I'll park right outside work and my desk where I sit at after the show finishes is right by the window. So I'll park right by the window. So after the show, when I'm working away, I just keep an eye out, and if I see the ticket man chalking me, I'll then go out, either

rub off the chalk, or I'll just pay. Stop banging on the window. Why would you ever be a parking warden? You just go around all day doing stuff that people don't want, like this radio show. We are the parking wardens of the radio world, aren't we?

Want more Jono and Ben? You can catch up with the boys anytime. Just search Jono and Ben on Facebook. Now, next week, we might be, we don't know for sure, but we might be going from level three to level two. It's going to be next level. It will be next level. And we thought, well, hey, why don't we have one last Zoom video call? You know, just get that in before we maybe go to level two. The only thing more used and abused than Zoom over the lockdown period has been my liver.

Like, Zoom has just been... I think we're trying to track down ahead of the Zoomathon that we're doing next week, the longest Zoom meeting in the world, someone from Zoom, like one of the big heads from Zoom. It'd be really interesting to talk to them, right? Where did it come from? It feels like it's only been around for a couple of weeks, but apparently of the big heads from Zoom. It'd be really interesting to talk to them, right? Where did it come from? It feels like it's only been around for a couple of weeks, but apparently it's been around for years.

So next Wednesday, we're going to do the world's longest Zoom call. We're going to start at 8 o'clock. You guys can join us. We'll hopefully have celebrities as well. We'll just keep having meeting after meeting after meeting. We'll just keep going and see how long we can go for. No breaks, no sleeps. You're already jacked up.

Are you going to sleep between now and then? I hope so? I hope so You look a little unhinged I'm quite excited about it So to celebrate we're going to play one of our favourite games So this is called OK Zuma Where we try and get someone who would be classed as a boomer To see if they could zoom us live on the radio

Now please welcome All the way from the far north The lady who did a lot of the heavy lifting when it came to producing this guy next to me. She did a wonderful job getting him out. Please welcome Jenny. Jenny, my mum. How's it going?

Good morning. It was a wonderful birth, wasn't it, Jenny? Let's talk about the details. No, that's not. He was fantastic. He was the most beautiful boy ever born. Oh, there you go. Just came right out. Okay, mum's got to say that. No, that's not. He was fantastic. He was the most beautiful boy ever born. Oh, there you go. Just came right out.

Okay, mum's going to say that. No problem. No problem. No problems at all. It's been a problem ever since. Now, mum, we've got to play our game. Okay, Zoomer. So we're about to, we're going to email you a Zoom meeting request.

Okay, have you got your laptop? Yeah, I've got a notebook. You don't say it with a question mark. Is it like a, not a pen and a pen? Sorry, it's a tablet. Sorry, tablet. That's what it's called.

Okay, you sound confident. That's what I love about it. Okay, so we're going to send you that link now on your tablet. Okay, and if you can, as quickly as possible, click on that link and see if you can okay Zoom her back to us.

Okay, so the timer starts as soon as you open the link. Have you opened it, Jenny? No, no. Hang on, I'm just trying to get my tablet thing to wake up. Oh, you haven't even turned it on. It's power, mate. You've got to say power. Okay, come on. Sounds like there's a lot

of commotion in the background. Everyone's trying to help Jenny here. I know. I've got a few helpers here, but we're a bit... Okay, she's fussed. She's fussed, guys. Is the tablet on? Maybe not. I'm not sure.

Can you turn it on? First step. Can you turn on the tablet? Hey, listen, it's early in the morning. It is early in the morning. No, mate. But we are live on the tablet. Hey, listen, it's early in the morning. It is early in the morning. But we are live on the radio. So if the tablet had been turned on maybe during the song, I don't know.

I'm just checking this out here. I even said, have you got a laptop or a tablet or something? You're like, yeah, I've got it. You could have turned it on. Oh, it's still in the box. I'm just unboxing it. Apparently they're going to charge it. Too late, Mum. Commercial radio. We've had three minutes. Got to move on.

Is it on? Sorry about that. I did try. Is it on? No. Okay. Anyway, well, if you want to play with your parents, you might do this tomorrow. See if they can beat my mum's time of forever.

Can we keep this going? Can we keep this going until nine o'clock? Jenny, you've got until nine o'clock to Zoom us, okay? Okay, yes. See if you can click back onto us. Okay, okay. You let me have it go and I'll try and concentrate. Yeah, we did let you have it go. The go's still going on. The timer starts now.

Alright, I'll enter the hits if you want to get your mum or dad involved on that tomorrow. Here to Mother's Day as well. The soggy cornflakes of radio. It's Jono and Ben on the hits. We've got Ash Thomas with us, who does a great job reading our news every morning, Ash. Hi. She chose a proper job in radio.

She did. Yeah, a respectable job in news reading. Someone's got to do it, guys. Hold down four. Now, Ash, on your Instagram last night, I saw a very funny photo. You want to explain what happened? Oh, thank you.

Well, my husband and I have celebrated our second wedding anniversary. Woo-woo! So we thought, yeah, to celebrate, let's go somewhere we haven't eaten at before. We had dinner in the bathroom. So there's a photo of you sitting, like, fully clothed on the toilet. Yeah, got the prime seat there.

With a glass of wine and a lovely-looking meal. Yeah, yeah, did pulled pork with slaw on buns. It was a great time, yeah. And why did you have to stipulate fully clothed? I assumed she was fully clothed. Well, sitting on the toilet, like, you know, could go either way. Yeah.

So, because when was the last time you would have gone to a restaurant, obviously before lockdown? So how long has it been? Yeah, oh, oh, jeez. Honestly, I can't even remember. Months, I'd say. We were definitely due for an outing

because also it was my birthday a couple of weeks ago and that would have been another good occasion to go out for but just stayed at home. It's nice and intimate and romantic, isn't it, the bathroom? It is. Yeah, ambience could do a bit of work. You know, the lighting wasn't quite right. Needed some candles, you know, get the mood going

but take what you can get at the moment. Well, so Ash hasn't been to a restaurant for a long time. On the weekend, I got petrol for the first time in sort of eight weeks. Yeah, you forget to fill, you forget your car needs petrol, don't you, during this period? Yeah. I haven't had mayonnaise in a very long time. I've almost at the stage where I've run out

of mayonnaise and I'm like, I could put PVA glue on a sandwich right now. Thoughts and prayers. No mayonnaise. Someone looks like they're tougher than the Pryor household right now. Remember to double pump the vogels. It's Jono and Ben on the hits. We're talking about because of lockdown, what you have not... Sorry.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Pull it back. Pull it back, boys. What you haven't done for the longest time. There we go, Ben. That's much better. Like, I got petrol the other day. I hadn't done it for eight weeks.

Yeah, I mean, you haven't used your Tinder for four weeks, have you? No. It's gone begging. Things like mobile data, you know, because you're using Wi-Fi probably, Google Maps, irons, make-ups. These are things that are coming through on the text. Hair straighteners. I haven't used hair straighteners for

about 15 years. Fond fond memories of straightening my hair I haven't used aftershave in a long time I've run out of aftershave and I usually like to disguise my

natural Musk Elon Musk so I use my daughter's thing that'd be a good name for a deodorant Elon Musk

you should get into that you should yeah Tesla by Elon Musk the smell of insanity yeah but yeah I had to use my daughter's she's got a little perfume, so I smell like Jojo

Siwa right now. A little 12-year-old girl. You'll be coming back like a boomerang later on today. But anyway, what have you not done for the longest time? Dave, how's Kaitaia this morning, mate? Bloody cold. Is it? Bloody cold.

But a beautiful part of the country, though. It is, it is. I haven't actually worn shoes for the last few weeks. It was quite a weird feeling when I first came to work a couple of weeks ago and putting on shoes and socks. Yeah. I mean, when I go to the supermarket, I'll put jandals on. And if it's cold, I'll put socks and jandals on.

But what's the point of putting shoes on? Because you have to wear socks and jandals? The world's worst combination ever? Wearing kaitaia. That's your top gear in Kaitaia. Thank you very much, Brendan. Thames, you're on New Zealand's Breakfast. Brendan, what are you missing?

What haven't you done in a long time? G'day, guys. How's it going? Good, thanks, buddy. Good to have you back on the radio, that's for sure. Thanks, mate. It's an honour to be broadcasting at the moment. I've missed the pokies, mate. It's an honour to be broadcasting at the moment. I've missed the pokies, mate.

When did you last pay the pokies, Brendan? Probably about a week before lockdown. Oh, he's had to resort to just literally flushing his money down the toilet. I tell you, mate, my fingers are obese. My fingers are obese.

Well, hopefully you get back in there and the thrill of the pokies runs through you. Hey, thank you very much. You know, I was a bit to Sky City once and romantic date night with me and my wife and I took her to play pokies. Yeah, yeah. And I sat next to a guy, Brendan,

who's been playing the same pokey machine for 20 years. Really? 20 years and he's never won anything. I'll tell you guys something. Steve the Mouldi on Facebook, he's got two poker machines in his man cave, and every night at 9.30 he plays them. So for everybody that wants to get their fix and watch someone else lose their money, 9.30 on Steve the Maldi Facebook page.

Okay, Brendan, wow, you've really got a problem. Give him a watch. Watch someone else play. He's so safe, Brendan. The Otara've really got a problem. You can watch someone else play. Stay safe, Brendan. The Otara organ and the Pakeha PlayStation. All right, buddy, you stay safe in your lockdown. One more call. Let's finish this.

Holly's on the phone from Auckland. What have you not done in a long time, Holly? I have not worn a bra for six weeks. Free and easy, baby, free and easy. It's the best feeling ever, and I don't know how I'm going to go back to wearing one. Burn them.

Burn the bras. I say a braless society. Yeah, exactly. My inner hippie is really coming out. Good on you all. Have a wonderful day. I like this text.

This is through on the text between 4487. I haven't used my passport all year and I might never use it again. Oh, sad face. It's true, you know.

Hey, we've got one more. Should we take one more? We've got time for one more or are we well over time? Where are we at, Juju? Oh, that sad face. It's true, you know. We've got one more. Should we take one more? We've got time for one more or are we well over time? Where are we at, Juju? Oh, let's take one more. Alice, you're in Taupo. Hi, I haven't used my car in like five weeks

and when I think about it, I haven't actually been to the garage either so I hope it's still there. You're like, I had a car. Maybe when I can get out, I'll see if it's there. Thank you, Ellen. Serving bowls of lolls for breakfast.

Actual lolls may not be served. It's Jono and Ben on the heads. Just reading in the UK, they're looking at some plans for rugby post-COVID and while there's no vaccine. So maybe they're thinking about no scrums, no tackles, shorter matches. Seems a bit like...

Isn't that just rugby though? Like you've just taken everything away from it. No ball, no passing. It seems like you're just running around, right? But anyway, I guess these are the times we're in. We're doing the A to Z of New Zealand, phoning every town and city in Aotearoa. There's, what, 200...

Sorry, 570 of them. It's going to take us two and a half years. Like, just think, a baby that is born today will be walking around and eating Play-Doh and sticking things into plug sockets by the time we finish this two and a half years later. Yeah, it's a long time, isn't it? I had planned to get away from radio

and start a career in law. You can't until this is done. Corporate law as well. We're in day four. We're ringing every town, place in New Zealand alphabetically. Let's go. Day four today. Yesterday we went to Ahititi, which is the northernmost part of New Plymouth.

Taranaki. Taranaki, yeah. Next to the coast there, a town of literally ten people. And we got the lady who answered the phone at the school, who was the principal, the secretary, the caretaker. Secret Santa must be like, not that exciting at that school. We got her to name all ten people in the town.

Can you name all ten people? Yeah, I can name all ten people. Okay, let's list all ten people in Ahititi. Oh, Tania, Raymond, Mavis, Morris, Mark, Alex, Grace, Liz, Tony, Seb, Ken, Joy and Gordon. You weren't lying.

Then she realised that Joy and Gordon actually lived 100 metres away and she's like, they're not locals. Yeah, they're not a part of the town. So today we're on to the fourth one, day four of this, heading to Ahurawa, which is in the North Island, just near Walkworth, I believe. Let's go through now, Producer Juliet.

Hello? Hello, Nicola from Ahurawa. Hello. Jono and Ben from the Hits commercial radio station. Hello. Hello, how Ben from the Hits commercial radio station. Hello. Hello, how are you doing? Not too bad, thank you.

We've gone scouring through the Ahurawa community grapevine. We saw that you had posted you had a whole bunch of calves available. Calf shed is full. They need to go ASAP. We had some little bobby calves out of our heifers. Right, well, we're just ringing to say we've seen the ad, but we're not interested, thank you. No.

Now we've got that out of the way. Yeah, yeah. It's Jono and Ben here from The Hits. We're doing the A to Z of New Zealand. Yeah. The A to Z of New Zealand calling every town in Aotearoa, and Ahurawa is fourth on the list. Well done.

Oh, very good. Tell us about the place. It's obviously windy. Well, it's quite out in the Wapops. We're about 25 minutes away from anywhere. Out in the Wapops, 25 minutes. It sounds lonely. It sounds depressing.

No, we've got a lovely community out here. Everyone helps everyone. Okay, 130 people according to the latest census, the population. Might be a bit more than that. You must be up in everyone's business. Does everyone know everyone's business? Yeah, pretty much. Yeah?

Who's the town arse? Who's the what? Who's the town arse? I don't know. Name and shame, though. Name and shame the arse. The Ahoroa community, you say, is very special, but now we're going to give you a chance to tell the rest of New Zealand

why they should come and visit Ahoroa. Out in the Wop Wops, 25km from nowhere. Well, it's not a hell of a lot here, to be honest. Look, if you're going to advertise your place, you can't say there's not a lot going on here, to be honest. It's not a great advert. Not really. Even like with the bingo ad,

there's a bingo ad on the community notices. It's like, watch the space for the next bingo night. That was in 2007, so obviously there wasn't even another one of those. They must be hanging out for another game of bingo. Oh, I'm sure. I'm sure they are. Hey, well, is there anyone in Ahurao

you want to say hello to? Well, just all the neighbours, I suppose. Yeah, all the neighbours that no one gets to see at the moment. Well, that's true. You sound lonely. We'll give you a virtual hug. Out in the Wop Wops, 25km from nowhere, there is Ahoroa. Nicola, you are a wonderful sport.

You look after yourself and keep safe. Okay, thanks very much. Here we go. Tomorrow, Aka Aka, which is next to the Waikato River. We're going there tomorrow. There's plate, I don't even know, literally 98% of this country. I really enjoy this. Every day we learn something more about New Zealand.

It is New Zealand's breakfast. Eggs for breakfast. It's Jono and Ben on the hits. Okay, Zumba. Zumba, Zumba, Zumba. Now, this is a game where we get a boomer in one of our lives to see if they can Zoom us back. And we started today with my mum just after 8 o'clock.

Yeah, no, and we sent Jenny a Zoom invite. And, wow. Jenny, you there? Oh, yes, yes, no, we sent Jenny a Zoom invite, and wow. Jenny, you there? Oh, yes, yes, yes, I am. Okay, it's been about 30 minutes. We've been on the phone on hold, and you've clicked on the Zoom meeting request. I think you're about to come through on Zoom. Let's have a look. Hey, it's fun. Have we got

you? Oh, sorry. Hello. Is she connected to Zoom? She's connected. She's waving. She's there. You can talk, too. Oh, my God. Hi, Dad? She's waving. You can talk too. Oh, my God. Hi, Dad. She's like, I can see you.

Yeah, there we go. Great. If next time just plug it in and have it charged, then we'll talk later. Want more Jono and Ben? You can catch up with the boys anytime. Just search Jono and Ben on Instagram. Mother's Day's course is on Sunday,

and we're giving you guys a chance. Thanks to Cadbury Roses and the new limited edition boxes. Just have a look at those. They're pretty cool, actually. It says limited edition by Sarah Hankinson. Who's Sarah Hankinson? I'm guessing she's the designer, the artist that's created the boxes, because they look really cool, very fancy, the Roses boxes right now. It would make sense. It? I'm guessing she's the designer, the artist that's created the boxes.

Because they look really cool, very fancy, the roses boxes right now. It would make sense. It would make sense if she was the designer who created the box and they're giving her a shout out. Yeah, I think so. Now, we had a debate the other day. You're like, Turkish Delight's not in the roses. Oh, you're right. What is there, mate? What is there?

Oh, look. You're right. You're right. The devil of chocolate sits in there. Oh, no. There's a classic milk. Is the strawberry one still there? Oh, there's a white raspberry as well.

Yeah, that looks good. I'm not a peppermint guy. I'm not a peppermint guy or Turkish Delight guy. Shove any of the other ones in my face. Oh, there you go. Put them in anywhere, Ben.

So if you want to win a hamper thanks to Cadbury, Cadbury Roses, in time for Mother's Day, 0800 the hits is the phone number. And the fastest time in the Mum's the Word game will win $1,000 this week.

Let's head to the South Island. Doot, doot, doot, do Island. Reefton, are you there? Yeah, I am. It's Emmett, is it? Yep, that's right. How's Reefton today, Emmett? Good frost. Probably going to be a bit foggy this morning, but it's going to be a nice day.

What are you doing, Reefton? I'm a sparky, I'm an electrician. Have you ever electrocuted yourself? Maybe. What does it feel like? I've always wondered what it feels like. Oh, it's just a little buzz. It doesn't hurt too much.

Do you continue on work for the day or like, oh, I need to go and have a lie down? I guess it depends on how big the shock would have been, right? Yeah, that's right. You hear stories of people getting their shoes blown off and stuff like that. Did that ever happen to you? No, no, that doesn't happen.

Oh, good. I'm sure you're very sensible, very well qualified. And now we're going to give you a chance to win a Cadbury Hamper, a Cadbury Roses Hamper, and maybe $1,000. Mum's the word is the game, Emmett. We're going to call your mother Maxine. You need to get her to try and say the word electrocuted. Electrocuted.

Electrocuted. Six seconds is the time to beat it. It's a tough time. Oh, it's so tough. Is Maxine in Reefton as well, mate? No, she lives in Crochet. Okay. Through to beat it. It's a tough time. It's so tough. Is Maxine in Reefton as well, mate? No, she lives in Christchurch. Okay. Through to Maxie.

Hello, Maxine speaking. Hey, Mum. It's Emmett. Oh, hello. How are you today? Good. Oh, that's good. Good, good.

Yeah. I'm just a quick call. I'm just looking for a word. What do they call it when I get a, like when someone gets hurt from an electric shock? You know, like if I'm not saying it's happened to me, but what happens if what do they call it?

Oh, are you there? Here I'm here, love. Here I'm listening. Do you think of the word when someone gets hurt from electric shock? Electrocution. Hey, well done. It's Jono and Ben here on the Hits Radio Station magazine. This is all very confusing for you, but you've won a Cadbury Roses hamper for Mother's Day from your son, Emmett.

Oh, really? The game was mum's the word. I had to get you to say electrocuted. Electrocuted, nice head of electrocution. Yeah, I know. Okay, take it away. No, no, you don't get the chocolates. Hang up on Maxine.

She's too honest, isn't she? Have an unhappy Mother's Day, Maxine. Try and fraud us out of our prize chocolates. To be honest, you've taken 38 seconds to get there, so I was like, we're going to give you something. Good on you, Maxine. We'll get these out to you.

Why is Emmett a good son, Maxine? Did you say why is he a good son? Yeah, yeah. One or two reasons. Well, he is a good son because he's always there for us. Oh, that's nice. Why is she a good mum, Emmett?

Oh, she's always there for me too, mate. Oh, that's nice. You guys sound awesome. You know who's there for you too? Jono and Ben on the hits. Oh, that's lovely. Whenever you need us. Between the hours of six and nine. Oh, no, that's nice. You guys sound awesome. You know who's there for you two? Jono and Ben on the hits. Oh, that's lovely. Whenever you need us.

Between the hours of six and nine. Oh, no, that's really nice. It's pretty special. Hey, good on you, Maxine. Have a wonderful Mother's Day, and you have a great day in Reefden, Emmett. Okay, mate. Thank you very much.

Want more Jono and Ben? You can wake up with the boys' weekdays from six on the hits and via the iHeartRadio app.