Jono, Ben & Megan - The Podcast - May 19 - Judy Bailey, Christmas In The Park Has Been Cancelled, Have You Touched A Royal?

Episode Date: May 18, 2020

Win An AdWhy could your dog not enter our new TVNZ show?Can you hear us through the mask?Jono's hit a new level of lazySpyThe Hits Adam Green called in and issued us with a challengeChristmas In The Park has been cancelledHave you touched a Royal? Judy Bailey called inScrolling Through Your FeedThe A To Z Of New ZealandControversial Callouts Rude Awakening SpySee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Just when you thought you couldn't get enough of Jono and Ben, you can have them anywhere, anytime. Welcome to the Jono and Ben podcast. Welcome to the podcast, Tuesday morning, Jono and Ben. Now we are number one on iHeart, the iHeart charts. Are we? But that doesn't mean we forget about the little guy. You know, there's other podcast battlers out there trying to make their way in the podcast world. Yeah, good luck to you, Conan O'Brien's of the world.

Joe Rogan's. Yeah. What else? Who else does a good podcast to you. Yeah, Conan O'Brien's of the world. Joe Rogan's. Yeah. What else? Who else does a good podcast? Zach. Galifianakis? No, no. What's his name?

What's his name? Producer Juliet? Sorry, who's the guy? I'm just your critic. Sorry. Oh, Dave. Zach. Ref.

No. Sorry, I should get this right. Oh, I know that guy. Dax. Shepard. Shepard, yeah, yeah, yeah. You're Dax Shepard's of the world, you know? Yeah, I mean, they're battling away. These are little up-and-comers. Yeah. But, you know, guy. Dax Shepard. Shepard, yeah, yeah, yeah. You're Dax Shepards of the world, you know? I mean, they're battling away.

These are little up-and-comers. Yeah. But, you know, we want to give back to a pod... Will Ferrell, I think. I don't know if it's the first time I've heard of him. He's got a podcast on there.

Yeah, and we want to give back to the podcast community that has given us so much and has been able, you know, to pay off our mortgages and things like that. It's been wonderful to us. But I want to play a game

with you, Ben. By reading out some podcasts, you know, they're a bit further down the charts than us, and you have to tell me if I've made up the name of the podcast or it's a real podcast. Okay. Okay, you ready? Yeah. The Greasy Burrito Podcast.

Made up. Jeez, you're good at this. The Juicy Taco Podcast. Made up. He's very good at this. The Greasy Taco Podcast. Made up. He's very good at this. The Greasy Nana Podcast. Look, I'm going to go real just to throw you a bone here. No, it's made up.

The Itchy Bits Podcast. Okay, I feel like that's made up. That's made up. Okay, okay. My Nana's Saga. I'm going to say made up. It's made up. Okay, okay. My Nana's Saga. Ooh. I'm going to say made up. No, that's the only real one.

Oh, that's the real one. I only had one real one. All the rest were made up. That was a fun game. Is it a podcast or not? Well, you enjoyed this podcast. Not number one, but hey, Jono keeps saying it. Just like a chocolate milkshake, only white and disappointing.

It's Jono and Ben on my heads. Don't tell the sales department because it's Jono and Ben's winning ad. And we're going to head through to a number now, the west coast of the South Island, Greymouth. Giveaway free ad. They don't know what is coming to them. No, let's give them a call. Good on Victoria's Head.

Shush. Shush. Shush those sweet lips It's Jono and Ben From The Hits here Welcome You've won an ad Oh how great is that

You can unshush Those wonderful lips I've got the most I've ever seen A video of you Because of a gang It was a weird way To start that

Shush those lips Anyway you won an ad What we've done We've written half of it Shush your sweet lips It was a weird way to start the video. She's closed lips. Anyway, you wanted to add what we've done. We've written half of it. Shush your sweet lips. No, you can keep those lips moving. You keep those sweet lips moving. You've just got to fill in the blanks on this commercial, okay? Have you heard about one of the Kiwi businesses?

It's the... Victoria's Grey Mouth. Oh, there we go. Yeah, did I do all right? Yeah, yeah. Famous for its popular... Clothing. Woo! What sort of clothes have you got? But wait, there's

more, because that's not even the best thing about them. Let me tell you about it right now. We have a koia. Oh, you've got a koia candles. Yes. But I thought you just did clothes. What else are you hiding from us? Jewellery.

Do you want me to tell you the honest truth? Thank you for being honest about the jewellery. I've been hiding a lot of things from you. And their wonderful staff, who sometimes like to reveal a secret about themselves live on the radio. We've got the best stuff. It's reveal a secret about themselves live on the radio. We've got the best stock. That's not a secret. Well, I'm all...

I know. I'm talking about, like, have you shoplifted anything before? Have you stolen from the... Absolutely. Stolen from the till? Jono, did you know they had the best stock before this phone call? Oh, shocking, scandalous secret. We've got the best stock.

No, that's pretty good on the spot. Good for the business. Not great for our radio show. Are you serving people at the same time? Yes. Hand us over to the customer. You're not telling me anything. You've got to tell the customer.

Pretend you're a customer. G'day. I just heard her say, pretend you're a customer. Hold on. We've got a customer, though. We won't. Hold on. Hello?

Is this the customer? I am a customer. A legitimate customer? Yeah, I've got my EFTPOS card in my hand and the two items I'm buying. What's the pin? 0620. You don't know the bank, though. I'm all right. Yeah Yeah what's your name?

Jennifer Why don't you give them an affidavit Like an infomercial Hi I'm Jennifer and I always shop here Well I do always shop here I'm dressed here to tell them their clothes at the minute actually Oh yeah Yeah well can you say that? I've just said it

He didn't say shush your pretty lips. Shush your pretty lips. Shush your pretty lips. All right, all right. I'm bowing. I'm ending this one. Hey, thanks for your time today. I appreciate it.

You are welcome. Make sure you come and buy your mother a lovely frock from here. She'll love you for it. Okay. Here's a buyer for David. Victoria is the best frocks in town. Oh, there you go. Frocking awesome frocks.

It is frocking awesome. All. Oh, there you go. Frocking awesome frocks. That is fucking awesome. All right, you mother frocker. Go and have a great day. We're going to frock off now. See you. Bye. Hey, you've got toothpaste on the side of your mouth. It's Jono and Ben on the hits.

Yesterday we announced, we're pretty excited. We're coming back to TV on a TV show on TV2. It's called Dog Almighty. So it's a reality show looking for New Zealand's best dog. And $100,000 of prize money up for grabs for the best dog and their owner. And yesterday we got my dog Bo. He came in and he helped with the announcement just to get the message

out to dogs. We need you to get the message out to all the dogs because we want talented dogs to enter the show. Just take it away Bo. Head to tvnz.co.nz $100,000 prize money. tvnz2. I can't believe they gave you

another job on television. You washed up hacks. Thank you, Bow. Lovely dog, Bow, isn't he? Big, fluffy, big white fluffy Samoy. You could shave him and glue him to Santa's face. Oh, you could. He's that white, isn't he?

It must be a nightmare to keep clean, that dog. Yeah, he is. But, you know, we love him, even though he's a shambles. No, he's got no control over his limbs. At any moment, he's on the verge of a catastrophe. He is a doofus. So he's not going to be a dog that I think we could enter into this show. He's not good at obedience.

But then the bosses of the show are like, bring your dog along. And I think it's just so they dog shame you on national television because you have no control over this show. He's not good at obedience. But then the bosses of the show are like, bring your dog along. And I think it's just so they dog shame you on national television because you have no control over this thing. I know. I wish I did have control over it. Who's got this mentally deranged dog? So we thought right now...

He'll start licking the camera lens. So while we can't kick into the TV show Dog Almighty now for $100,000, we thought we'd take the opposite end of the spectrum. Why, like me, is your dog the worst dog? A national embarrassment. What's the most embarrassing thing that your dog has done? You love your dog, but it's done something embarrassing.

For me, there's been many moments. But one of the moments was the first time we went over to visit someone at someone's house. For the first time, we had the dog with us. They're like, bring your dog. The dog, Beau, got through a hole in the fence, got over to their neighbour's property, and the neighbours had, you know, a portable washing line. He got a bra off the washing line

and took that back to the house. So then I'm like, uh oh. Did you drop the bra back? I had to go knock on the door and deliver a bra there. I was like, oh my dog. I just knocked on the door without thinking too much about how it looked. I was like, oh my dog. You looked like the neighbourhood pest. Yeah, I did. Yeah, I had the dog with me just thinking,

oh, the dog took the bra. The dog is a bra. Oh, by the way, I've also got your underpants in my pockets. Yeah. And I'm also wearing some of yours too. But it's all above board. The poor lady's like, oh, okay, thank you, I guess. You could tell.

And I was like, oh, my God, the dog has embarrassed me. Okay. A friend of ours, Sharon, who we used to work with on the radio, Sharon Casey, the amount of money she spent on that dog, had a private parts reconstruction. Oh, reconstruction, yes. She texted yesterday, she's like, oh, maybe I could enter Warren G. And it's a female, but they call the dog Warren G.

But it's also just had plastic surgery on its nose. Yeah. It's had more plastic surgery than the whole Kardashian family, this dog. She just wants to win the 100 grand prize money to re-keep the cost she spent on plastic surgery for this dog. All right, to win the 100 grand prize money to re-keep the cost she spent on plastic surgery for this dog. Alright, so dog lovers, help me out here. What is the most embarrassing thing your dog has done? Did he

take home a bra from a neighbour's property? Did he eat a whole cheese board? My dog has done another time. Your dog mounted a nephew too. The list is long. New Zealand's breakfast. Just don't eat them. They're chewy. It's Jono and Ben on the hits. Now, we're coming back to TV.

If you want to know the answer to who let the dogs out, well, it could be us and a brand new show, a reality TV show about dogs. Coming to TVNZ2 later in the year, it's called Dog Almighty. We're looking for New Zealand's best dog, and I talked about how my dog, Bo, I love my dog, Bo,

but he's not New Zealand's best dog. The only reason we got the job is because Ben has a dog. I think so. Thank God for you. So we should thank Bo, really, but he's not New Zealand special. The only reason we got the job is because Ben has a dog. I think so. Thank God for you. So we should thank Bo, really. But he's a little bit enthusiastic, as we said. Quite a klutz, isn't he? Yeah, he's very...

Oh! My little boy. G'day, guys. That's what I imagine his voice would be like if he was a human. He's a white, fluffy Samoy dog, which is kind of like a white version of a husky. He's very cute. Before lockdown, I remember going to the park,

and a lady comes up, and she's like, oh, can I get a photo of your dog? I'm like, yeah, that's fine. So I had to stand awkwardly out holding the lead just to get out of the photo while she had a photo with the dog. And then Indy, who's eight, my daughter, went, remember when people used to get a photo with you, Dad, and patted me patronisingly on the back?

I was like, oh, that hurt, as I was sort of like doing my best to stay out of a dog photo. So there you go, that's my life now. Isn't it a little disturbing that a lady just wants to clog up her photo stream?

Well, the photo of the dog, yeah. That's funny, the dog gets a lot of, yeah, a lot of attention. Yeah,

and he's always smiling, creepily, creepily smiling like a psychopath. He is, he's a happy. So he's New Zealand's, potentially New Zealand's

worst dog. He goes to dog school and he got a passive aggressive report card about how enthusiastic he was, meaning. I'll bring that in and read the report card. Yeah, it's school and he got a passive-aggressive report card about how enthusiastic he was, meaning... I'll bring that in and read the report card. Yeah, it's like, he's a pain in the butt. But, yeah, but they want the money.

So they have to stay positive. If they want him to keep going there, they say semi-favourable comments. Okay, 0800, that's the telephone number. Love to get your calls. 4487 on the text this morning. Let's welcome John to New Zealand's breakfast house, Christchurch, this morning, matey.

Yeah, pretty good, mate. Nice and mild this morning, not too cold. Oh, wonderful. Pretty good, actually. Nothing like a crisp Christchurch morning. Breathe that in your nostrils, John. Help me feel better, John, about my dog. Why is your dog embarrassing?

Well, Ben, a few years ago, mate, it's actually not my current dog, but it's my last one. It was actually a brisk, pretty flushed morning here in Christchurch at a game of rugby, watching some young fellas play and just standing on the sideline there, and there's a lady standing beside me, and I had the dog on the lead, and so I sort of had the probably four-metre length,

and I was just standing there, standing there. I looked down, and there he is, he's cocking his leg and peeing all over this lady. That's the thing, we've not told them what is socially acceptable. I keep going on about this. They go around sniffing anything. Yeah, peeing on whatever they want

and normally it's fine but on this occasion, not fine. If this was an act of a human, this is public nuisance. You get arrested for that sort of stuff, eh? Thank you, John. You have a great day in Christchurch, mate. Thanks for listening. Taylor is in Hokitika. Welcome, Taylor.

Hi. Who also has a Samoyed beard. Oh, here we go. All right, the Samoyed shame club. Well, you and me, what's happening, Taylor? Oh, he just eats everything. First of all, he ate a battery from the remote while we went home, so we had to take him to the vet

for that. Then he ate a fish hook while we were out fishing. Oh, no! So, had to take him to the vet for that and had to have emergency surgery to get his stomach cut open to get that out, but luckily he was fine. And then last week,

he ate the metal wire around his kennel and escaped. Oh, my God. Have you not introduced him to food? My son went and ate a sock, one of the kids' socks when he was little and it kind of got stuck passing through the system, so I had to go in and... You had to literally pull it out, didn't you?

Like the worst magician trick ever when they've got one of those long, colourful things they pull from their pocket. She said it was just a murky sock. And you still wear that sock to this day. Yeah, it's great. You wash it. Hey, thanks for listening, Taylor.

You have a wonderful day. Hatfields Beach is the home of Clarissa. Hatfields Beach's favourite daughter, they tell us, Clarissa. Morning, guys. Why are your dogs an embarrassment? We lived in South Africa and my sister from New Zealand came for a visit. So she put on all her luggage and took off her brand new sketches and she went to freshen up. And during that time, my little sausage dog pooed inside her brand new shoes.

Oh, no. So when she came back into the room and put her foot into her shoe, it was just a dog poo, and I was so embarrassed. Honestly, I had to go and wash her shoes. Oh, these are cosy. That's not something funny,

not on the bottom of my shoe. Oh, that's so good. That's the best prank ever. I used to have a sausage dog. They ride pretty low to the ground, don't they? Their stomachs are like constantly dragging on the ground. Yeah, we have two of those, but yeah, it was really... Oh, thank you for your calls.

I feel a lot better about my dog, Bo. I appreciate that. You have a great day. Morning. It's Jono and Ben on the Heads. Now, we're giving away our own branded face masks. Thanks to kindface.co.nz. If you want to win one, you can go to the Hits Breakfast on Facebook

and just comment and we'll give one of those away. We've got some quirky slogans on them. If 12 months ago you said to me, Ben, A, that you'd be working on the Hits, and B, your show merchandise would be face masks to avoid a worldwide pandemic I would have told you you were crazy especially the hits part

but here we are but yeah we've got face masks they've got mildly amusing things written on them sorry no kissing I'm married sorry I've got pash rash mainly wearing this mask to avoid talking to others, things like little quips.

Yeah, because the mask game's pretty stale, isn't it? You know, no one's really... It is a stale game. So we're sort of adding a little bit of something to them. Pizazz, some pizazz to the mask game. So if you want one, as I said before, head to the Hits Breakfast on Facebook or Instagram, just comment below and we could send you out one for free.

I noticed Kim Kardashian's releasing masks that look very similar to these ones. Oh, really? Have you seen them? No. Without the, obviously I've got Pash Rash slogan across them. But yeah, same colour, same design. I think we could have a case to take that. She's had it too good for too long there

Kardashian woman. We're going to play a game because we noticed something yesterday. We were doing a filming an infomercial with these that it's very hard to hear when you've got the masks on or understand what someone's saying. So I've got a couple on now and it does feel like it's a lot harder. Are you understanding me a little bit?

Oh no, you're muffled though. You're muffled. So this is the game that we want to play with our Signature Range face masks is we're going to put, Ben you've got four masks on at the moment and we're going to phone somewhere and you've got to get them to say a particular word or phrase. I'm going to start the timer

as soon as they answer because it's going to be quite difficult to hear you on the other end. So we're going to go through to Nelson now. The words I want you to say, get them to, the words I want you to get them to say, hand sanitiser. Okay. Good luck. Ada White for the Square Lou speaking. Oh, hi, how's it going?

Hi. Hi, I was how's it going? Hi. Hi, I was just wondering if you had that stuff that you put on your hands? Hand sanitiser? No! How did you get that? It's Jono and Ben from The Hits. Oh, how are you? Good.

We're just playing a game. We've released a limited edition run of face masks and we figured that it's quite hard to hear what someone's saying with a mask on. Ben had four of them on. The game was to get you to say hand sanitiser. You nailed it. You nailed it. Do I have anything?

Do you feel like a signature range face mask? Oh, totally, yeah. We'll send you out some. Oh, sounds cool. They've got things written on them like sorry I've got a cold sore and just had lip filler. Oh, awesome. Thank you. Yeah? Sound like a had lip filler. Oh, awesome. Thank you. Yeah? Sound like a bit of you?

Oh, absolutely. Oh, wow. I wasn't expecting you to get that straight away, so thank you very much. Oh, really? Oh, wow. Well, there you go. I've been listening to people talk through face masks for a few weeks now. I must have the lingo down. You're a professional.

You're a true professional. You hold there. We'll get your details. Oh, cheers, mate. How long was that, Producer Juju? It was about five seconds. Five seconds? All right. That's going to be a tough one to beat. Jono, you'veuju? That was about five seconds. Five seconds. All right, that's going to be a tough one to beat.

Jono, you've got about three or four face masks on right now. You look like, he looks like Bane. Do you watch the Batman? Oh, yeah. It's always going to be a reference to some bald person. He actually does. Okay. It's either Gollum or Bane or Vin Diesel.

It's kind of sad. All right, Jono, let's make a call now. Let's see how quickly you can get someone to say Carol Baskin. Oh, God. Killed her husband. Whacked him. I feel like I've got a nappy on my face. Does it look like I've got a nappy on my face?

Yeah. Yeah. Hi, Peter Fosquist against Kiasi. Hi, Kiasi, how are you? Good, thank you. Well, I was just asking, you know the name of the lady who killed her husband and whacked him? Um... She fed him to the tigers?

Have you seen Tiger King? Sorry, I can't hear you properly. Yeah, have you seen the movie Tiger King? The time? Tiger King! What's that, sorry? movie Tiger King? The Time? Tiger King! What's that, sorry? The Tiger King movie! Sorry, I can't hear you very well.

You know Tiger King on Netflix? Netflix? Tiger King! Sorry, I can't hear you. I'll just pass it to someone. Oh, God. We're going to have to do this all over again. Good morning, Ed.

We've got someone out. Can I help? And it's Jono and Ben calling from the Hits radio station. We're just trying to see if you could hear Jono with some face masks on. Not very well, apparently. Well, yeah, see if you can understand what he's trying to get you to say. Okay. Who's the lady from the toiletries documentary?

It sounded like you said, who's the lady from the toiletries documentary? One of my favourite documentaries, the toiletries documentary. That's what it sounded like. Well done, you got it. That'll do. It was the lady from the toiletries documentary that we all know and love. The hotly discussed toiletries documentary.

What do they discuss? Deodorants? Yeah, they talk about all your favourite toiletries. The little shampoo you get from hotels, that sort of thing. It's a great documentary. And you go and look after yourself. Thank you very much.

And apologise to the other lady from us, all right? Okay, you have a great day. You too, bye-bye. Cheers, bye. Want more Jono and Ben? You can catch up with the boys anytime. Just search Jono and Ben on Instagram. Oh God, I did the laziest thing I've ever done last night, Ben.

Remember I told you that story about when I was, I picked my nose and then I put it back in there because I couldn't be bothered. That's right. This is worse than this. Surely it's not worse than that, putting it back up there. Or hygiene-wise, no. But just on the scale of laziness, yes.

So we've got this wonderful Indian takeaway just nearby our house. Yeah. Love it. But they're also on Uber Eats. Now this place is 95 metres away from me. Right. You know where this is.

Yeah, I can see where this is. Last night, I Uber Eats to Tikamisala from there. 95, Usain Bolt could have run there and back in 20 seconds. And even the Uber driver turned up and he's looking at me like, come on buddy, you're better than this. It's just there. You know this is just there.

And I was like, you know what? I probably am. But then I'm just, if it's there and it can be delivered as... Well, that's the kind of thing, eh? Sometimes you're kind of like, oh, it was a man of mine that lived on the same driveway as Pizza Hut. Please tell me he...

Did the same as you. He got it delivered up the driveway. Delivered up the driveway, hung over one morning, and that was 50 metres, tops. It was a long driveway. They were at the back. Pizza Hut was at the front on the street. And they were like, yeah, same as you. Like, oh, well, I can get it delivered.

You know, our grandfathers fought in the war so we could do this sort of stuff. Your granddad was a big campaigner for that, wasn't he? I fought in the war for people like you. Which is, yeah, all credit to him. He did fight in the war, but it didn't get you out of speeding tickets and things like that. He said that to the police officers.

I know, I remember that. And I was like, you're five times over the limit. I fought in the war. Doesn't give you a get a jail free card, literally. Yeah, well, Uber Eats is one of those things. We did the ads for Uber Eats a few years ago. And remember they gave us a payment, they gave us a voucher. Oh my gosh. It was the greatest time of my life for Uber Eats. Although I went to Ben's house and Ben was like, you know, you see all the basketball players and the rappers

and strip clubs just like making it rain with money. And you're like, why are they wasting all this money? That was my one thing. I was like, what do you want for dinner? And John was like, oh, I have pizza. Great. And I mean, what do you want for dinner? And John was like, oh, pizza. I was like, great. And I mean, what do you want for dinner? In the end, I had like Indian pizza, burgers, I blew all in one night. In one night? Yeah, the voucher was all gone

because I was just like, yeah, mate, what do you want? You put it on the thing. And then afterwards, I was like, why did I do that? We ate an international buffet. No one was, everyone had different cuisine. Yeah, no food went to race, but geez, it was like, yeah. 20 Uber Eats drivers turned up. What a wonderful evening that was. It was like Valentine's in my house, wasn't it?

Producer Bumfrey, Ben Humphrey, Humphrey, he said that you can get the Uber drivers to pick other stuff up for you when you put little instructions in the special instructions. On Uber or like on other places? Is it Uber, Ben? Oh, pizza delivery. Yeah, like a bit they can better man i've got some dry cleaning can you swing by there pick that up bucks that sort of thing can you pick the kids up from school we should do this and see how far we can push it see how much stuff a delivery driver will pick up for you you give them a a tip, right? Yeah, I don't know. Five bucks, go pick the pigs that kids up from swimming. I don't know if that's okay

to pick up random kids. Who's this guy? Oh, yeah, no, I'm picking it up for five bucks. I've also got your meat lover's pizza here. Some parts of that we may not do, but we might do a better version of that. More painful than your alarm clock. It's Joddo and Ben

on the hits. Hey, we've got producer Juliet and she's going to read some spy news. Spy, the WhatsApp spy.co.nz. Producer Juliette, she wakes up every morning, has a big bowl of salacious celebrity gossip for breakfast. Exactly. Then vomits it out on the radio every hour. So enjoy my vomit every...

No, that's disgusting. Tara Reid is potentially making a comeback, so she's in talks to play Carol Baskin. Killer husband. In a new Tiger King sort of inspired movie. Is that the same one with Nicolas Cage? No, so that's a different one. So he's playing Joe Exotic in a different sort of mini-series.

And then Tara is potentially playing Carol in a movie. It's going to be like the Fast and Furious franchise. There's going to be spin-offs and hobs. It's going to be like Two Tiger, Two King. It's like the world's in a race for not only a vaccine, but also who can do the first Tiger King like recreation. That's what Hollywood's worried about. So you didn't know who Tara Reid was, did you?

No, I was scrolling through it this morning. I was like, do you guys know who Tara Reid is? She's the Blaine Kerouacan. She was in a movie and then she was very famous. She had a reality

TV show. Mate, if you haven't seen a Tara Reid movie, then you've probably watched some pretty good movies. She sort of sadly went off the rails

a little bit. She did, yeah. I think she had some hard times, but I think it was good to see that she might be back. Yeah, I know.

And she reckons she could get into a movie. Sad to see she went off the rails. It was good to see. Always might be back. Yeah, I know. And she reckons she could get into... Ben. Sad to see she went off the road. It was good to see. Always like a positive story, mate. Always like an outcome. I don't know what she's like.

No one wishes that upon anyone. I don't know what she's like as a person but she says she feels she could get into character quite well as Carole Baskin. So does that say something about who she is? I don't know.

She's what? Fed a man to a tiger? Allegedly. Allegedly. But you know, she's a wonderful actor. Wonderful actor, Tara Reid. And I wish her all the best. The same as Ben.

My sentiments agree with yours. Good, good. For more spy, you can head to thehits.co.nz. Not a morning person? Sadly, neither of these two. It's Jono and Ben on the hits. Now, 0800THETHITS, that's our phone number. If you want to win a free face mask,

we've teamed up with the kind folks at kindface.co.nz. And if you want to wear a face mask out and about, protect others if you've got a cough, a cold, a flu. And these things are washable as well. And ours have got quirky, funny slogans on them. Yeah, like, sorry, pash rash, or got a cold sore, just had lip filler, no kissing, I'm married. These are just some of them.

It's a great bit of branding, bit of marketing for the show, but what we need to do is create some force hype for this product because nothing gets the commercial world going than some force hype. Very excited people. Winning stuff on radio. Yeah, basically Oprah. This is what Oprah traded off for many

years. She would hand out orthopedic inner souls to her audience. They'd go nuts. Some of them would have, like, seizures, convulsing, their eyes rolling back in their head. And that's what we want right now. So we're going to give away face masks to every caller on 0800-THE-HITS. That's 0800-843-4487. You can call us right now.

But you just need to be, you need to have the excitement levels of someone who has had an intravenous drip injected into them and just mainlining coffee into your bloodstream. Okay, that's what we want. Let's go to the Waikato. Charles. Hello. You've just won a John Orben Signature Range face mask.

Oh my God. Change your day, change your life. Change my life. Say you've got to quit your job. Tell your day? Change your life? Change my life. Say you've got to quit your job. Tell your boss you're going to resign. I'll do that. I'll let them know. Yeah, good.

You let them know. He's quitting his job. That's how excited he is to get a free mask. Okay, let's go to Auckland. Stuart! Stuart! You're kidding. No.

You've got a face mask. Oh, my God. You good thing. Little beauty. you've got a face mask. Oh, my God, you good thing. Little beauty. Stuart's got a face mask. Well done, Stu. Well done, Stu. He's happy. You can't tell he's happy because he's wearing a face mask.

Janina in Kya Poi. Janina, welcome. Hello. Guess what? What? You've won a John O'Byrne face mask. Oh, my God. Are you for real?

Yes. With a funny slogan on it. Thanks to KyaPoi. That, my God. Are you for real? Yes. With a funny slogan on it. Thanks to kindface.co.nz. That's all yours. Thank you. Thank you. Well, thank you very much. And scene.

There we go. We'll cut that up. It'll be a wonderful advert. It'll sound good in a promotional trailer, won't it? Like starting your day without your morning coffee. It's Jono and Ben on the hits. Yeah, we've been issued a challenge by Adam, the Hits Breakfast host in the Hawke's Bay,

who's, he's rapping children's books over hip-hop beats. He did the Gruffalo. A mouse took a stroll through the deep dark wood. A fox saw the mouse and the mouse looked good. Where are you going to, little brown mouse? Come and have lunch in my underground house. See, he's got some, he's got some talent.

He's got timing, he's got rhythm. And he's got a book that works really well for the rhyme, you well for the rhyme scheme. So he said you guys have got until Friday to come up with yours. And gee, I don't know. I think over the week we're on a journey to lose any last ounce of credibility we have been. Exactly. I thought we were going to record these.

No, we'll go live. So I was like, oh, hey, this is a wee demo. Look, we can't do this. Let's do like 20 seconds each of the song. Yeah. You wanted to record this before the show this morning. I remember you saying, hey, let's try and record those things. I know, because this could be shocking.

Yeah. I hadn't worked out the timing of this. It's just a demo. I was going to be talking through, go, this is when this happens. But anyway, just imagine it. This is all part of the process of building. It's like the plans. It's the plans of a building.

This is what happens when Dr. Dre's in the studio. He talks through stuff. Yeah, I guess you would. We're just doing it. We're just sharing this journey. So we've taken two New Zealand books. We thought we might try, thanks to you guys, a know, Dr. Dre's in the studio. He talks through stuff. Yeah, I guess you would. We're just doing it. We're just sharing this journey. So we've taken two New Zealand books. We thought we might try, thanks to you guys, a New Zealand book you suggested,

Hearing Macleary and the Wonky Donkey. Yeah. And do you want to go first? Okay. Or do you want me to go first? It's over here. I'll go first. A very polite rap battle.

Would you like to go first? No, I wouldn't like to go at all. But here we go. Okay. So I was thinking we could do Snoop Dogg, you know? Is this part of the song or are you just explaining it? No, I wouldn't like to go at all, but here we go. Okay. So I was thinking we could do Snoop Dogg, you know? Is this part of the song or are you just explaining it? No, it goes, Winky wonky donkey.

The donkey. So a female would sing that, but maybe someone like Laura. Go, winky wonky donkey. Okay, Laura McGoldrick singing. I was walking down the road and I saw a donkey. Hee haw. He only had three legs. He was a wonky donkey.

Wonky donkey, wonky donkey. Yeah, I was walking down the road and I saw a donkey. Hee-haw. He only had three legs and he had one eye. He was a winky wonky donkey, winky wonky donkey, winky wonky donkey. And he liked to listen to country music. Yee-haw.

He was a honky tonky, winky wonky donkey. He was quite tall and slim. He was a lanky honky tonky, wonky winky wonky donkey. So I could keep going like that. Well, you are a tall honky, and that was wonderful. I'm impressed. I do like the fast bits of that song, and then it gets more and more,

because you know the book keeps going on about the lanky tonky winky wonky tonky honky tonky, and the dinky. So it keeps going. So there is some fast bits of that song, but hey, I apologise to everyone in the rap game for my terrible job. Well, from one honky to another, that was not bad.

You shouldn't be completely embarrassed. A little bit. Because I'll completely embarrass myself now. So I've... Oh, sorry, Juju, you've started too early. Notorious B.I.G. I've joined Notorious B.I.G. and I've gone Harry McCleary. Yeah.

Okay, hit the beats. Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Out of the gate and off for a walk. I hit the beats. Hercules Morse as big as a horse and Harry McCleary from Donaldson's Dairy Muffin McClay like a bundle of hay Bottomley pots all covered in spots and that's where I got to

I like it I like it I even joined in on that one I don't know like your hype man I didn't even ask but I appreciate the support thanks hype man

if I was on stage I'd be like oh hello where'd you come from oh look mate I was just going to do be like Oh hello Where'd you come from Oh look mate I was just going to Do that by myself So those are the two options

So let's not Take calls Because I know What you're going to say In person And I don't want to hear it But I'd like to have Some text

Alright You can read it Digest it And cry after the show Yeah so text us Hits 4487 Harry McCleary Or Wonky Donkey.

It doesn't have to necessarily be that music beat, right? Yeah. Although I did like yours. First text I read in caps, just stop.

Okay. See this one, of course. Just stop because it's so good or just stop. Just stop, drop and roll. Okay.

So Texas through 4487 and which should we do? We've got to try and beat this rap battle. Start your day the wrong way. It's Jono and Ben on my heads. Now, sad news today. Christmas in the Park, Coca-Cola Christmas in the Park

is not going to happen this year. Canceling Christmas already. Seems a little premature doesn't it? So it normally happens in Auckland in Christchurch at the end of the year. For 26 years it's been going non-stop but because of COVID they've decided that they can't have the planning, the months of the year. For 26 years, it's been going nonstop, but because of COVID, they've decided that they can't have the planning, the months of planning,

that they can go into it. I suppose there's a lot of money in rehearsals and stages to be built and to be designed and stuff, so you probably have to start that now, I'd imagine. Yes, it is sad, but I thought it was kind of cool that Coke is still giving 100 grand to Youthline, which is the one who get the money from the sponsorship.

And spare a thought, too, for all the delinquent teenagers. They're going to have nowhere to smoke their vape pens and drink goon sacks this Christmas as well. Oh, true. Those are the ones I spare a thought for. Well, they probably could still do that, but not in such a public forum. No, not when you tell your parents,

I'm just going to Christmas in the park. They don't have that wonderful excuse now. So the greatest thing, the greatest joy that Christmas in the park provided. And Frankie Stevens. Frankie Stevens still doing Christmas in the park? I hope so. If he's not, the greatest joy that Christmas in the Park provided. And Frankie Stevens. Frankie Stevens still doing Christmas in the Park? I hope so.

If he's not, they really should. He was like, yeah. Frankie's been very good to us over the years. He's a wonderful man and just has the most,

he just starts talking. Do you know Frankie Stevens producer dude? Yeah, yeah. He starts talking and I just start unbuttoning my trousers. He's like,

hi. Well actually, speaking of Christmas in the Park and trouser related incidents, this is a true story. I knew you was going to lead me into this. Producer Julia, a few years ago when we were on TV, we hosted Christmas in the park, you know, for the TV broadcast, for TV3.

And we decided that we would wear, you know, much like people on a Zoom call recently, we'd wear like a formal top half. And because it's summertime and it's part, we'd wear sort of, well, they were board shorts on the bottom. So we had shirt and tie top, blazer, board shorts on the bottom, and you pick it up from here, Jono. Yeah, no, so I had a rather loose silk boxer short underneath as well.

And these two kids came up and they're like, oh, neck minute guy, you're my hero. No lie, the amount of autographs I signed is the Nick Minute Guy. Do you remember the Nick Minute Guy? I remember him. The time you and him were, yeah. Oh, mate, we were at peak. I thought I was working with the Nick Minute Guy.

I was very disappointed to find out I didn't. But they're like, can we have a photo? And I was like, anything for the kids. That's what we're all there. We're here for the kids. We're here for the kids. So I had my arm around two probably 14-year-old boys. Were they 12, 13 boys?

A public setting, you know, lots of people, hundreds of thousands of people at Christmas in the park. Their mum was taking the photo. Yeah. So, you know, my arms around, thumbs up, two guys. And as soon as the mum takes the photo, probably one of those bloody goon-sacking, vaping, delinquent teenagers comes up behind me and down-trousers me.

Okay? And I had my loose Looney Tunes silk boxer shorts on. The Davenport ones from the 90s. They came down straight away. And then the mother took the photo just in a case of just shocking timing. Took the photo at the moment when I'm trouserless. Completely trouserless with my arms around two 14-year-old boys. Perfectly good reason and perfectly good story why this happened.

Yeah, and that's why I like to keep explaining the story because one day this is going to come back to haunt me on the Herald or something. And now, you know, people like you've heard this now, you'll know there's a backstory to it. Well, your Christmas balls were out at Christmas Park. That's a good one. I was so embarrassed. I didn't even ask her

to delete it either. Because you came and told me afterwards, you're like, you know what just happened? And I was like, no, you told me. I was like,

why did you not, you're like, I got flustered. I got flustered. I just pulled my trousers off and ran. Were the kids you were taking the photo with,

were they part of the prank or did they not? And they might have come at me like some velociraptors. They might have been working in threes. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.

But yeah, so a lot of explaining to do around that photo when it eventually comes out. Yeah, you're worried about it. That's why I give you these opportunities. Thank you. Every radio station we've gone to, I've had to explain this just in case it pops up as an employment issue.

I'm worried about it. The skeletons in our closet. Want more Jono and Ben? You can catch up with the boys anytime. Just search Jono and Ben on Facebook. It is Prince Harry, well, not only Prince Harry, it's just Harry and Meghan these days. It's their second wedding anniversary,

and we thought because of that, we'll throw it out there. One song to find anyone who has touched a royal. Okay, Juliet, she shook the hands of Meghan herself, the devil woman herself. The devil. That's it. And, Bristin, just, Cinder And Cinder Ardern took the selfie for you. It was a wonderful, mind-blowing day.

I went to bed that night and I was like, what just happened? What does that say? She's not got any of her favourites. Have you shown Ben the photos? Oh, I need to show you. She's like literally holding her hand. It's on my Instagram story highlights. Juju is a royalist.

Loves the royalists. My dad, Kevin Boyce, he met Princess Diana years ago. She came to master them. God knows why they made her do that. They go to some, oh, God, they just go to the hell holes of earth, don't they? And he had a whole lot of, like, because he's a school principal, so the whole school was down there.

And obviously the whole town was there as well. And she said to him, oh, are all these kids yours? And he said, well, no, not actually. They're not all mine. And she goes, oh, good. I heard there was family planning in New Zealand. I was just making sure it worked. So good joke from Princess Diana.

And then we sent Harry to Stewart Island? He would have been like, what have I done to you New Zealand to deserve this? I don't know how you guys did that, but that's an interesting story. I wasn't asked personally. New Zealand made him go there. I thought you did. We didn't go, here Harry, we've changed your tickets. It was the greatest prank

ever. He thought he was going to Christchurch. We rebooked just twice. No, that was like we as a country. You're like, we're not taking the blame for that one. Okay, let's head to the phones. One song to find. Anyone who has touched a royal Fiona's in Auckland, what happened? When I was 18, I

met Princess Diana and shook her hand. She was opening up a refugee home in Rugby where I grew up. Wow. And then I've also been on parade and Her Majesty the Queen has inspected my platoon.

Did you what? They inspected my platoon, the group of people that I had in charge of. Oh, really? Were you in the army or something? I was in the navy. I was on a ship with Princess Anne's husband were you in the army or something? I was in the navy. Oh, in the navy. I was on a ship with Princess Anne's husband. He was my captain, so she was on quite a bit.

Prince Charles and Prince Edward. Oh, you've been touching the whole family. It's a royal flush. I know, I'm a royalist as well. You've got them all. I know. You've collected the whole set. Were they impressed with your platoon?

They were. They were. They did really well. A nerve-wracking experience, knowing the Queen's coming in. It'd be worse than your mum checking your bedroom that you're tidied up. Yeah, oh God. She is really little as well.

You know when you're not quite sure what to expect, but she is really, really little. She just said, Good afternoon. Good afternoon, Mum. That was lovely. Oh, lovely. That's awesome Mum. And that was, yeah, it was lovely. Oh, lovely. That's awesome.

Thank you for sharing that with us. That's amazing. Good on you. Let's head to Adrian, who's also in Auckland. Prince Charles-related, Adrian. Yes, how are you guys? Good, thanks. You touched Charles.

I was a pastry chef in Chatham in the UK, and my dad sponsored the Prince's Trust. And Prince Charles landed a helicopter in the UK and my dad sponsored the Prince's Trust and Prince Charles landed a helicopter in the back garden to pick up a cake for the Trust and came for afternoon tea one day.

No way! Yeah. What? He picks up his own cakes but not just drives over. Helicopters over to pick up a cake. I went to the garden

for afternoon tea and of course, you know, scones and cream and jam. My mum laid it all on for afternoon tea and of course, you know, scones and, you know, cream and jam. My mum laid it all on for him. As he just like, just turns up by himself,

he's like, yes, who's coming over? PC's on the way. With a guy flying the helicopter, of course. That is an unbelievable story.

That's so cool. And so you sat down and ate scones and cake with Charles? I was about, you know, 15 at the time, you know,

and of course, mum said, oh, you better come round, better come round. We've got royalty coming. And you're like, shut up Mum,

you're so unfair. You're not the boss of me. I just want to go and listen to NSYNC in my bedroom. That's incredible, Adrian. Prince Charles landing a helicopter in his backyard. I don't know if we can beat that.

Should we take one more though? Okay, no pressure on Julia. Ben's really built it up. Don't know if we can beat that. Should we take one more, though? Okay, no pressure on Julia. Ben's really built it up. Don't know if we can beat that, but we'll go to Julia anyway. So, Julia, if you let us down, Ben will publicly shame you. Oh, no.

I've actually met, well, I've met Diana and Harry and William. Oh, that's impressive. Whereabouts? So, I used to live in London in Kensington and one of my friends lived on the Palace site, Kensington Palace, because his father was security. And we were walking up the driveway one day

and Diana was coming down. So she said hello and asked how school was. So that was pretty amazing. That's incredible. Now, Ben, how do you compare that to the helicopter story? Because you were going to rank them. Oh, no, come on, compare that to the helicopter story? Because you were going to rank them. Oh, no, come on. It's a helicopter.

No, I'm not going to rank it. It's a helicopter. I'm not going to rank them. They were all just so they were. Would it be better if Julia wasn't a helicopter? Then you appreciate her story? Just to say, you got into your helicopter, then you chop it away. Chop it away.

There you go. Great story. I did have a conker fight with Harry and William. Oh, conker fights. Those things that fall off the trees and stuff. Yes. You put on the string and you, yeah. Oh, now you're winning back, Ben.

Oh, now I'm with you. Thank you. Yep. Hey, good on you. Thank you so much, Julie. You have a wonderful day. You too. Thanks.

That was fun. That was a really good turnout for that topic. It was great. Wasn't it? It was amazing. It was really good. Let's see the post analysis while we play a song. Wake up full of shame.

Wake up with these guys. It's Jono and Ben on the hits. Now, Judy Bailey, you'll know her from reading news on TV One, One News for 15 years, I think it was. She is now the face of the Doc Edge International Film Festival. And obviously this can't take place in movie theatres this year, so they're doing it all online. It's a really cool idea what they're doing.

She's about to explain to us, hopefully. Very clever. Producers are just getting Judy Bailey on now, and I said the mother of the nation before, and you said she doesn't like to be called that. I was reading about that. She doesn't like to be called the mother. Doesn't sit well.

Anyway. Okay, well, she's here now. I think she can hear us talking now. Judy Bailey. Hi, how are you guys? We're doing really well. Thank you so much for talking to us. Good.

Oh, thanks for having me. Listen, Ben was just, I just see we're calling the mother of the nation and then Ben whispered Judy doesn't like being called mother of the nation. I was reading an article yesterday you don't like that term, which is fair enough I understand. Oh, you know. Why don't you like mother of the nation? It's an honour, isn't it, to be the mother of the nation?

It doesn't sit well with Judy if I could jump in there. So how you describe that. It doesn't sit well with you. It doesn't sit. No, it doesn't. It doesn't sit well with you. It doesn't sit well with me. No, it doesn't. It doesn't. Because you feel too much responsibility to keep everyone fit. Way too much responsibility, yeah. Absolutely.

Well, how are you, Judy? It's very nice to talk to you. I'm just emerging from my bubble, actually. What is Judy? Reluctantly. I've had a lovely time in my bubble. I know. And a lot of people I don't think actually want to go out

and mix and mingle with other human beings. I think a lot of people have actually realised over six weeks they don't like other human beings, Judy. And I discovered my inner hermit. That's right. Yeah. I can imagine you being a very clean person. I can't imagine Judy Bailey would have an ounce of filth on her. Where was this going? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That's a very good question. I was wondering... What's going on here? What do you mean? Like, as far as your house and the garden and stuff? Where did that come from? I'm just so... You missed a Finn Judy Bailey within like 30 seconds.

I'll tell you, you just look like a very clean person. You look... I'll put it this way. You look cleaner than me. Yeah. Oh, you just look like a very clean person. You look clean. I'll put it this way. You look cleaner than me. Oh, you think? You're freaking me out. That's the glory of being, you know, on the other end of the phone, isn't it?

And not on the jelly. You aren't here just for a casual catch-up as much as we'd love this to be. You're here to promote the Documentary Edge International Film Festival. Absolutely. These are the world's best documentaries coming to New Zealand, but this year it's a little different.

It is. You can actually watch them from the comfort of your own home because we're taking it online for the first time because of the virus. And in a way, it's been a really good thing because usually you can only see these documentaries in Auckland and Wellington. But now, of course, seeing it's online, the entire country has access to these fabulous documentaries. You've been watching Tiger King or is that not part of the documentary? I have watched it. You have? You don't look like someone

who would have watched Tiger King. No, I've watched half the first episode. Ben checked out as well. Yeah, I did three. That was enough for me. I was like, you know, it's like you're curious watching this thing, but I was like, oh, I can't dedicate seven hours of my life to this. Judy Bailey with us this morning.

She's the ambassador for Doc Edge, the Documentary Edge International Film Festival, just announced that it's going to be online. Something I found interesting reading up about you, Judy, last night was when you first started on the news, there was petitions to get rid of you. Yeah, that's right. You get those too, do you?

Yeah. You got through the other side, became much loved. We haven't quite got to that stage. We just still get petitions. Oh, I don't know. Don't smash. But what I found was really interesting, you were like, just don't read any comments, whether they're good, whether they're bad, just don't read any comments. No, that's the thing. I firmly believe that and I'm

so glad that I'm not out front now. Do you miss it? Being in there on the news and in people's living rooms? Very rarely. Very, very rarely. Sometimes I miss being there on the news and in people's living rooms? Very rarely, very, very rarely. Sometimes I miss being there for the big stories. In fact, you know, I probably would have missed being there in the newsroom covering the COVID thing because it's a huge story and it's history in the making, isn't it? Yeah.

So, yeah, there are occasions I miss it, but I'm so happy out of it. And just being a granny, really. Oh, nice. You'd be a great grandmother. I wish you were my grandmother, Judy, baby. Can you be my grandmother? Well, maybe you should ask the grandchildren.

Quickly before you go, Judy, we've got a little game we'd love to play with you. Judy's like, oh, what? No, it's just called That's News to Me. I basically found some headlines online in the last couple of days. You've got to tell us if it's a true headline or a false headline. Oh, okay. Okay, so German cafe tells customers to wear pool noodles on their heads

to enforce social media distancing. Long headline? False. True. True on CNN. Oh, no, really? Yeah, on CNN over the weekend. They all have pool noodles. They've got one that goes horizontal, on CNN. Oh, no, really? Yeah, on CNN over the weekend. They all have pool.

They've got one that goes horizontal, one that goes vertical, and it's like a helicopter on your head. Yeah, that was true. I thought it should be false. Okay, next one. Crazy stuff. You'd put that at the end of the bulletin, Judy. You would, wouldn't you?

Naked man spotted sitting on roof after cops enter his home in a drug raid. True. That's from Jono's favourite website, thesun.co.uk. That is one of my faves. And lastly, Jono and Ben win World Radio Award for World's Best Interview with Judy Bailey. True or false? True. There we go.

We'll get that fake news out there. Judy Bailey, lovely to catch up with you and the ambassador for the Documentary Edge International Film Festival this year year it's online. You can buy your tickets, watch great documentaries, talk to the directors afterwards.

It's going to be a bonanza. Thank you so much, Judy. Thank you so much. Bye-bye. Low in calories and low in laughs. It's Jono and Ben on the hits. Scrolling through your feed.

When we say scrolling through your feed, we've just gone to all the quirky news. I picked out funny stories that we enjoy talking about. But liketer, move on, play another hit. Exactly. No, this one is to do with the population in New Zealand.

Five million people have just ticked over for the first time ever. Really? Well, because we've been banging on about five million for the last couple of years. She's always been, she's always been like, we're a team of five million. She's been lying to us. Officially, we haven't been. Do you know, it's taken 17 years for us to hit the last million. So we've got 4 million people in 2003.

It's taken another 17 years to get the next million. We need to get our pelvises to work. We need to work harder. I want our population to get to a point where you travel overseas and someone doesn't go, oh, do you know Deirdre from New Zealand? Like, at what level does it have to reach before we're... You're like, oh, yeah, yeah, she's my mum. Yeah, cool, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, well, maybe after the lockdown baby boom. Maybe there'll be something after that. Everyone at home in their houses, they'll be, you know... Someone was talking about that on the... Oh, the project last night, they were talking about how many people would have been bumping uglies over the last six weeks. Right.

And there's going to be a lot of COVID babies in about nine months. Yeah, cool. What's that, Christmas time? Yeah, it'll be Christmas time, babies. It would be, too. We'll leap up to six and a half million by Christmas. And also scrolling through your feed this morning,

now sport is back on again. There are a few rules. We talked about the Warriors and the Super Rugby players having to get their temperatures checked. But in America, there was a tennis tournament going on, like a big tournament, and this poor lady had to explain the rules around the tennis balls

and couldn't help but make us smile. Every player, unless they're from the same household, has to bring their own tennis balls so that you don't touch other people's tennis balls with your hands. You can kick their balls, but you can't touch them. I'm going to blush, sorry. If you're playing with someone in your household, you can touch those tennis balls. To avoid confusion between whose balls are whose, you can use a marker, like a Sharpie, to mark out, to put an X, to put someone's initials on them.

So we've done that, and I've Sharpied Ben's ones this morning. You have, you have. Just so I know they're mine. Does she not proofread her speech? If she had any real friends, they would have gone, mate, you're about to go viral on the internet. I think she's trying to put tennis in front of balls just to save herself. She didn't quite get there, right?

Yeah, and why was that? It seemed like a children's tennis tournament and they're holding a press conference for some reason. Surely all this information could be handed out on email. Or a newsletter or something. But anyway, that's scrolling through your feed this morning. Like starting your day with Panda Eyes. It's Jono and Ben on the hits.

We've been on the hits for a couple of weeks now, really enjoying it. We came in and we said we're New Zealand's breakfast show, and we thought we couldn't claim we were New Zealand's breakfast show without ringing all of New Zealand. Yeah, it's only fair. It seems like the obvious and logical thing to do is waste a lot of company time and a lot of company resource and

toll calls by calling every town and city in New Zealand. However, we're only two weeks into it. We're starting alphabetically at the top from the Wikipedia page and we've already hit controversy. Because day one we were meant to phone a town just

inland from Greymouth in the west coast of the South Island called Ahara. But we phoned a town literally two k's up the road called Ikamatoa. We thought it was the same thing, right? Yeah, we said Ikamatoa was Ahara and, woo, they are not happy. You rung us instead of ringing a hara. You can't mix up Ikamatoa and a hara. Seriously.

You need to do better research, guys. It's like calling a New Zealander Australian. You know, that's what it's like for them. They're that fired up. So we need to do better research, guys. It's like calling a New Zealander Australian. You know, that's what it's like for them. They're that fired up. So we need to right this wrong. We can't say that we've called every town and city in New Zealand. It's going to take us over two years until we've actually rung every town and city.

It's an injustice. It is. It needs to be corrected. So we're going to phone Ahura now and tick them off the list. In Harrah Food Market. Ahura Food Market. How's it going? John Owen being here from the list. A hold of Food Market. A hold of Food Market. How's it going? John Owen being here from the hits.

Welcome. We've caused some controversy. Oh, we have. Do you know about the controversy we've caused? No. Oh, no. Well, once we tell you, you're going to think less of us as human beings. Okay, we're phoning every town and city in New Zealand.

Okay, and you were first on the list, alphabetically, a holder on Wikipedia. There's 570 towns and cities in New Zealand. You were first. We're doing one a day. It's going to take us two and a half years. But we accidentally phoned Ikamatoa, which is just up the road from you,

and we said it was a holder, and it has caused combustion shambles in the West Coast. They're not happy. I don't know if you're happy or not, but they're not happy. So what's happening? Just a lot of polite laughter. Well, we'll do it. This is a make good.

This is a call to your town to basically say we're sorry for leaving you off the list and we're sorry for saying you're another place. Oh, that's all right. I'll let you off. That's fine. Well, thank you so much. Hold on.

It's our sincerest apologies. We don't want you to miss out. You can blame us being in Auckland right now. Oh, I won't hold that against you. Yeah, no, do, do, do. We like to say it just to wind people up in the South Island that we're here sitting in a giant bowl of soy latte

and in our Audis having a great time. Now, do you want to sell a holder to the rest of New Zealand? Oh, well, no, that's fine. What do you want to say? What's great about the town? I see your shop's there. It's wonderful. It's tan coloured.

It's got a brown roof. Yep. It's got a post box out the front. Yep. It's got a little bush. Yeah, that's the one. That's the one, yeah. I feel like Jono's doing a lot more of the heavy lifting than you are,

but that's fine. You've trimmed the bush beautifully. Yep. There's a sign on the top that says Ahara Food Market. Looks like a Coca-Cola sort of sign. Yeah, that's the one. Yep. It's got some glass doors.

Yep. And do you live upstairs, do you? The shop's down the bottom. Yep. Oh, you're up the top? Yep. You've got some wonderful trellis on your deck up the top there. Tell you what, when you're cooking upstairs or whatever,

do you go, oh, jeez, I need that, and just walk downstairs and help yourself? Is that how it works? It'd be like a massive pantry? Yeah. That'd be handy, wouldn't it? It is. It'd be my dream to live in a dairy.

Yeah. Well, I'm glad we've made good, and you have a great day out there, right? Yeah, that's all right. You won't do it again, will you? No, no, no, no, no. Won't make that mistake twice. You look after yourself.

I'll be all right then. See you later. See ya. We apologise in advance. It's Joddo and Ben on the Hats. The second day back at school for many kids around the country. 80% of kids went back yesterday, which I thought was pretty cool. What happened to the other 20%?

Well, I think parents probably kept them home. Oh, fair enough. A lot of anxiety out there, isn't there? I know a lot of parents weren't really that keen to send their kids back to school, especially when you've been told, stay home, don't go out, wash your hands. No, no, no, go out, go out. That's what the kids were like. They're like, is it okay to be around people again?

You're like, well, yeah, you've just got to be careful. And so I guess yesterday they said they spent a lot of time at school learning about, you know, the moist breath zone was a big thing, apparently. Oh, I thought when you had their nose, I thought you were like, the moist breast zone? No. I was like, why are we talking about this? And I was Oh, I thought when you had that notice I thought you were like the moist breath zone. No. I was like, why are we talking about this?

And I was like, I don't know what this is but there's a catchy song about staying away from the moist breath of others. I don't know why they decided it was moist breath but anyway,

that's what the kids came over and told me about last night. Stay away from my moist breath. I'm like, okay. Is your moist breath all over me every day? I feel moist. I feel like we're staying out of the moist breath.

It's over. Who knows? I like pineapple on pizza. I like the ads that pop up on YouTube. Kiwi onion dip tastes like crap. Controversial call-ups. This is where we both say something that could be deemed controversial. And that's not the word moist multiple times.

And you see if you can call us on 0800THETHIT. If you agree, if no one agrees, we move on with our days and we don't get a win. Listen, I started yesterday. You go first, Ben. I actually read this one on the internet the other day and I went, yes, I agree with this. An umbrella. Like, it's a waste of time. Like, I would rather get wet than carry an umbrella with me for the chance that it was going to help me.

Because they're so, like, cumbersome. You're carrying this. But, you know, like but why are you carrying an umbrella around all the time? But you don't carry it. No one ever carries an umbrella around unless you're from the 1930s. Unless you're Mary Poppins. No one has an umbrella. If I was Mary Poppins, I'd rather

just get wet than have the chance of just carrying around. But she used it for aviation purposes. Well, that would, yeah, okay. That's a different story altogether. So I'm going to say umbrella, waste of time. Even in the back of your car, it's like, it's like. It just sits in your boot and you're like oh it's raining I can use this. Yeah but you're like oh you should carry an umbrella with you it could rain later. I was like I would rather take the chance that's going to rain than have to carry around an umbrella. Okay do you know I noticed something here at the front

door of this building. I thought it was a rubbish bin. I put gum in there the other day. I've thrown so much stuff in there, I was spat in there. I think I even urinated in it. But it was a rubbish bin. I put gum in there the other day. I've thrown so much stuff in there. I've spat in there. I think I even urinated in it. But it's the thing where you put your umbrella in and it puts a plastic cover over your umbrella. See, people are carrying around umbrellas for the chance it might rain.

I just let it rain. If I was on the board of this company, I'd be like, that umbrella plastic cover is a completely unnecessary cost. How much can we save with not having done it now? I don't think they'll get their money back on a second-hand umbrella. What's the point of it? So you don't drip over the floor.

Yeah. Oh, health and safety because it's tiles. Exactly. So there you go. If you think umbrellas are a waste of time, give us a call, 0800-THE-HITS. Okay, my controversial call-out this morning, if you agree with this, 0800-THE-HITS,

which is 0800-843-4487. My controversial call-out is you should be allowed to run red lights. No. Yeah. Why not? I drive to work at bloody 4.30 in the morning. I'm sitting at an intersection. There's no cars around. Do you know how many times I just run straight on through there? Well, don't.

Well, I do. I'm just planted in the middle of the road doing nothing, waiting for nothing, no danger. Yeah, but they have them on a timer system for everyone's safety. You can't just go, oh, I thought no one was coming, so away I went. That's just going to open up the road to all sorts of idiots. Let's just use our common sense when it comes to red lights. If there's no one there, run them.

But that's an intersection. So obviously they've decided that this place is more dangerous than an intersection, so we're going to put lights on. Mastered where I'm from. They don't have any lights. Ben doesn't like driving with me. He gets all anxious. He says I'm a maverick on the roads.

Yeah, you go through lights. You should see the way I drive to work when we used to have to go and peak our traffic. I was going through the Countdown car park, 35 back roads. Just because you feel like you don't like stopping. No, I don't. I like constantly being rolling. Always rolling. Changing lanes, change back roads. Just because you feel like you don't like stopping. No, I don't. I like constantly being rolling. Always rolling. Changing lanes, change back again.

Changing lanes, change back again. Okay, 0800, the Hits telephone number. Who do you agree with? Let's can the red light rule and just use our common sense and run through them if you want. I don't know if that's common sense. Or do you dislike umbrellas

like my friend Benjamin Boyce over here? We'll start the timer right now. If no one calls up in 10 seconds, this has been deemed too controversial for the masses. And we'll never speak of it again. It's happened before, right? 4487 is the text as well. 0800 the hits.

Five seconds. So we get a win, both of us. We could get a win. It's more controversial than Mike Hosking rambling on about immigration. We've had a win today. Well done, well done. Want more Jono and Ben? You can catch up with the boys anytime.

Just search Jono and Ben on Instagram. Producer Juliet loves Robbie Williams. Oh, I do. She literally said she would lose the function of her bowels if he walked into the room. You did, you did, right? Yeah, I did. You've never seen him before?

Oh, you have seen him before. Yes. You went to a press conference and he was there. Yes, yes, I had to interview him when I was an intern. So this is what made you, like,

sort of, forefront. Yes, and then I went and saw him live in London in Hyde Park and I was like, oh my God. Hell of a clean up afterwards. Hell of a clean up.

I know. What's that? Oh no. Shut up. Now what? Oh, it's Jono and Ben's rude awakening. Now, we've been doing the breakfast show here for a couple of weeks, and we like to get people up early in the morning. And if you're awake during the 6 o'clock hour, maybe other people in your house aren't awake,

then text us right now, 4487. 4487 is our number. You can put someone on the spot with a live quiz, and they can win Hell pizzas. Yeah. Pretty sweet, I guess, 4487. 4487 is our number. You can put someone on the spot with a live quiz and they can win Hell Pizza. It's pretty sweet, I guess, in a way. And we felt it was unfair that we just go and do this to people without doing it ourselves. So I issued Ben a challenge to put his marriage on the line.

Yeah. The good thing about getting up so early in the morning and making shocking life decisions is that, you know, by the time you reconvene later in the day, they've completely forgotten about what happened. I've set off the alarm. I've been tripping over something. A shambles at 4.30 in the morning. Well, I hope this is the case. So 4 o'clock

in the morning, I got my phone out and I got our quiz questions, our quirky quiz questions. I went into the bedroom where my wife Amanda was sleeping and I woke her up with a quiz. Okay, this is risky. This is just after four in the morning. We do a thing on the radio called the rude awakening where we wake

people up with a quiz. I thought I'd see if my wife Amanda could answer some quiz questions at 4am. Can we pause there, Juliet? Can I just say, wonderful reset. Wonderful. He's a wonderful whisperer. He's already a true pro. He's pranking at four in the morning. I gave a time check.

I should have said the hits. I'm sorry, that was my downfall. I'll tell you what, now post-show meeting, our boss is going to be very happy with that, even in his hallway. All right. In the bedroom now. Amanda.

Amanda. Amanda. I'm just going to do a quick quiz, okay? Quiz. Lady Gaga starred in what movie? Fast and Furious 19, Singing in the Streets, A Star is Born, or Lady and the Tramp? Who are you talking to? I'm talking to you.

Lady Gaga, the movie? I like Lady Gaga. She's good. She's good. I'll give you that one. Phil Dunphy is the character from what show? Modern Family, Broken Family or Rank Family? Okay, I need an answer.

Phil Dunphy. Which family? Go to sleep. Go to sleep is not the answer. Michael Jordan retired from what? Competitive table tennis, basketball, underground bare knuckle fights. If I answer, will you go away? Yeah, yeah. Ask him. Yes. And the last question. No. basketball underground bare knuckle fights if I answer will you go away

yeah yeah basketball yes and the last question no King's Wood and Cortina are types of what

exotic entertainers cars or infections astronaut astronaut oh astronaut so I have to leave and ask you

so you're playing for Amanda in that last round why do you sound like a full blown pervert what g'day hi there's kids in the house You're a plague for Amanda in that last round. Why do you sound like a full-blown pervert? What? G'day. I am.

There's kids in the house. I don't want to wake the kids up as well. I was mad enough to get my wife up. G'day, guys. How are you? How would you like me to go? G'day, guys. How's it going?

Lights are on. Here I go. You're quite breathy. Anyway, Ben's going to get a rude awakening. Get a rude awakening when she serves you with divorce papers later on. So there you go. So she only got $20 worth of hell pizza. Couple of questions wrong there.

Yeah, she did actually. Yeah, you're right. I think she paid, what, $10? That's what she's getting. Shocking, shocking result. But if you want to nominate yourself to ring up someone in your life, 4487, that's our number. It's HITS on the text, 4487.

So you're up for it. You can play tomorrow. Making poor life decisions every morning. It's Jono number. It's HITS on the text, 4487. So you're up for it. You can play tomorrow. Making poor life decisions every morning. It's Joddo and Ben on the HITS. Spy. The What's Up Spy.co.nz. Producer Juliette comes in with spy entertainment news. That's right, like a big 18-wheeler truck full of celebrity gossip.

Yes, I love it. The first socially distanced concert in the US is taking place. So it's by a blues rock musician in Arkansas. And apparently the way they're going to do it is the venue will be disinfected with fog sprayers before the gig. Guests will have to wear masks and have their temperature taken upon arrival. Sounds like an absolute riot. I know, right?

The audience will be divided into the groups they came with and kept six feet apart when they're standing in the crowd and beer will be pre-packaged. Okay. And the capacity, I think, is like, they're only filling at 20% of the normal capacity of the venue. How are you meant to consume alcohol whilst wearing the mask? That's a good question.

I always wonder about people on the plane, you know. Do you, like, lift it up in a drink? Yeah, because if you have a wee moment, you're like, oh, oh, and then you put it back out. I'll tell you, in Seoul, they started a football game, the first football game yesterday, and instead of the crowd, they put, what they said was mannequins spread out in the crowd, but some people have said they were sort of sexy dolls. Oh. Not quite.

Blow up dolls. Yeah, they're quite like, no like No no these are Premium mannequins Premium The highest quality mannequin Yeah so the people Would call them that Do they dress them Yeah they dress them

They dress them in clothes You can see them there Yeah they've got Something got cute little Like rabbit ears on them They're all having a great time Like if you If your job at the football

Team is like Mate I've got a gig for you today You need to dress all these dolls Premium dolls Premium Highest quality dolls Put them in the stands I'd marry dress all these dolls. Premium dolls. Premium, highest quality dolls. Put them in the stands. I'd marry one of these dolls.

So much I love them. Although I agree. So you can stay in your cluster, in your bubble. You come in your little bubble and you have to stay in your bubble. So just imagine lots of little huddles of people around on the floor. People sit too close. Anyway, I went to Kendrick Lamar. Right.

And there was two people behind me just like making out the whole. It would have been the most expensive make out session. At one point, her leg was over my shoulder. I was like, I think I got to third base somehow. I don't even know. Did they watch you in the concert? They didn't watch nothing from the opening act all the way through. They were just bashing.

I was like, man, I was going to set a timer on and send it to Guinness. And also in other news, so you know how the Simpsons over the years has been predicting so many things. So they predicted coronavirus, they predicted Donald Trump being president, everything. So the voice of Lisa Simpson, Yerdley Smith, she said, which is a really fair point when asked about it, that it's all a matter of time.

She said, if you've been on a TV show for three decades, you're probably going to hit the predictions correctly once in a while, which is kind of a good point. But then I'm also thinking, how the heck did they get them so accurate? Well, Shortland Street claims to do the same. They predicted a volcano erupting. Really? They even had a sort of pandemic before COVID.

Yeah. Seriously? Yeah, they predicted many things, Shortland Street. But same thing, it's been around for bloody 39 years. How long has it been around? So long, yeah. True. For more SPAR, you can head to the hits.co.nz it's been around for bloody 39 years. How long's it been around? So long, yeah. True. For more spy,

you can head to thehits.co.nz. Want more Jono and Ben? You can wake up with the boys' weekdays from 6 on The Hits and via the

iHeartRadio app.