Jono, Ben & Megan - The Podcast - May 20 - Craig Smith, Unnecessary Censored Songs, Jono's Morning Schedule

Episode Date: May 20, 2020

Win An AdBen had an issue with auto-correctCraig Smith called inSpyWe found a list of unnecessary censored songsJono's morning scheduleWe have Jono & Ben facemask merchJono on school pick-upSync AnsweringScrolling Through Your FeedRude Awakening The A To Z Of New ZealandSpySee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Just when you thought you couldn't get enough of Jono and Ben, you can have them anywhere, anytime. Welcome to the Jono and Ben podcast. Welcome to the podcast on your Wednesday. Jono and Ben with you. It's a big show today. We've been called out for a very family-friendly rap battle. We've got to turn a children's book into a rap song. And today we get permission from a very famous New Zealand author to see if we can turn his book into a rap. That's right. But Ben, what we have been doing before a lot of our podcasts on iHeartRadio is a little Easter egg.

We're pretty much new to this company. Only been here for a month or two. But our old company, we're still on their email and we still keep getting their emails. So we just keep reading them out as the beginning of the podcast intro. So these are emails from MediaWorks. What's come through, Ben? Oh, big news. Big news at MediaWorks today, Jono.

There's a person parked in a park that's not theirs. I won't read out the license plate number, obviously. I won't name it. It's not park name and shame. No, but that's the big news. It's gone around the building. Please move your car with this license plate. You're in the wrong park.

Nothing more frustrating than if you have a car park and someone's parked in it. Oh, yeah. I suppose you're right. This never happened to me. I've never had a car park for anyone to park in it. But I can't imagine. Yeah. For Mike Hosking, for example.

If Mike Hosking turned up, the big talkback host in our company, if he turned up in the morning and there was someone who was going, we should park in his park tomorrow. Oh, my God. We should. We should. See what happens. It would blow the Gucci loafers straight off his feet. Wouldn't it?

Anyway. His Giorgio Armani chinos. He'd get it toed, right? He'd get it toed. It would be toed. Oh, but imagine Hosking at that time of the morning, too. I don't know if you'd want to get on the wrong side. No, no, maybe that's a bad idea.

You'd be strangled with a Louis Vuitton scarf. Korea limiting that one. Anyway, enjoy the podcast as well as the author from the children's book. We have a very embarrassing text I sent my mother-in-law, so enjoy that at my expense. The Songy Corn Flakes of Radio. It's Jono and Ben on the hits. Don't tell the sales department because it's Jono and Ben's winning ad. This is where we give away free advertising on the radio. We do our bit to kickstart the economy, don't we? We play our part and Ben's Winning Ad. This is where we give away free advertising on the radio.

We do our bit to kickstart the economy, don't we? We play our part, and it's a huge role. We are playing a huge role in kickstarting the economy. Today we're heading through to Hokitika on the west coast to the Sock Museum, the Disneyland of Hokitika. Yeah, the catch is they don't know they've won an ad. We just give them a call now, and they've got to fill in the blanks. Hello?

Have we got hold of the hooker ticker sock museum? You have. Sock machine museum. Sock machine museum. Tell us about it. It's Jono and Ben calling from the Hits radio station. How are you doing? Good.

First we've heard about the sock museum. So sock it to us. Tell us what it's all about. It's Jono and Ben calling from the Hits radio station. How are you doing? Good. First, we've heard about the Sock Museum. So sock it to us. Tell us what it's all about. It's not a sock museum. It's a sock knitting machine museum. How long have you owned the sock museum? 20 years. It's not a sock museum, Jono.

It's a sock knitting machine museum. Well, you've won an ad. All you need to do is fill in the blanks, okay? That sounds cool. Well, yeah, we've written the ad. You just say, you just fill in the middle bits, okay? That sounds cool. Well, yeah, we've written the ad. You just say, you just fill in the middle bits, all

right? Have you heard about one of the Kiwi businesses? It's the... Hoka Teka Sock Knitting Machine Museum

and Yarn Store. Not just socks. Not just socks. No. We sell yarn and we sell sock knitting machines. We manufacture

them and sell them all over the world. Famous for its popular... Famous for its popular... Famous for manufacturing circular sock knitting machines that are shipped all over the world. You just said that before. No, I know.

That was the right spot to do it, right? I did it again. And don't forget the crowd favourite. You caught me on the hop. Um, crowd favourite is our, actually our comfort top socks. But wait, there's more, because that's not even

the best thing about them. Let me tell you about it right now. Well, the best thing is you get to meet me, Jackie Grant. Jackie Grant, the sock lady. That's the one. And who could forget their catchy slogan?

Sockworld Hokitika. I love it, but surely you've got like a socket to them or you know, like knock your socks off? No, just Sockworld Hokitika. Land of the Lumenries. Do you want us to come up with a slogan now? Yeah, go on. We'll knock your socks off. Just fuck world, ho-ka-ticka. Land of the Lumen Reefs. Do you want us to come up with a slogan now?

Yeah, go on. Okay. We'll knock your socks off. Oh, what a... That could be your slogan. Whatever. Yeah, I'll be hill for you. That's good too. The hill. There's another one like that one.

I like land of the Lumen Reefs better. Oh, we had a... Okay, right. And finally... And their wonderful staff, who sometimes like to reveal a secret about themselves live on the radio.

I think everybody knows all my secrets. Oh, deep dive, Jackie. The rest of New Zealand doesn't. What have we got? Yeah, your dirty laundry, and that dirty laundry just happens to be socks. Okay. Hey, Jackie, here's a question I've got for you, sock-related.

How long, like, you put your socks in the washing machine, sometimes they don't come back. How long do I keep the spare ones for? I think that's a perennial problem. Well, it is. I don't know where they go. I think that's a perennial problem. Sometimes you hang on to them for years.

Oh, I've just got like a pile of them now, and I'm like, how long do I keep them going? They're not coming back. See, that's good for business. We had a theory that the sock manufacturers, such as yourself, Jackie, teamed up with Fisher & Paykel to make the socks magically disappear

in order for us to purchase more socks. Don't give us away. Don't give us away. I tell you, if people want to check us out, they can have a look on our website, which is www.autonet.com. I love your work, Jackie. You keep safe, keep warm,

and thank you for being a great New Zealander. Bye. Remember to double pump the virgles. It's Jono and Ben on the hits. Now, 0800 the hits, that's our phone number. I want to know if you've had any blowouts with technology, whether that be an email, whether that be a text, whether that be a Zoom blowout, because I had one.

Did your video get out again? No. We've already had to cover this up before. No. I had to call the powers that be at Google to delete that. So over the weekend, my wife Amanda and I, we went out for the first time in a long time since lockdown. Sparking the relationship up again? My sister was looking after the kids and we went out for the first time in a long time since lockdown. Sparking the relationship up again?

My sister was looking after the kids and we went out in an Uber. First Uber ride in like eight weeks. Did you feel filthy? I caught an Uber the other day. I felt filthy in the back of it. Yeah, you do feel a little bit weird. Felt like I was traveling in a Corona wagon. So my wife and I, Amanda, we're going down the street

and we actually drove past where her mum lives. So my mother-in-law's house. Joyce. Joyce, yeah. Wonderful lady. Do you know Joyce is the only person in the world who still backs Lance Armstrong? We weren't there.

We don't know. She's a big Lance Armstrong fan. Which is true. We weren't there. We don't know. But even Lance Armstrong said, listen, I cheated. She's like, I don't believe him. We weren't there.

Well, he was. But anyway. So Amanda and I are going past my mother-in-law's house and Amanda said to the Uber driver, can you toot? You know, as we go past, that's where my mum lives. So I was like, that's fine. And then Amanda turned to me because I had my phone in my hand. She's like, can you text?

Can you text my mum and just say, hey, that was us in the Uber. This is a lot of admin just around a toot. No, that's what I said. Could you have not just driven past the house? I was like, no, okay. So I text and I said, Amanda and I just tooted in the Uber. Sent that off and then realised that it autocorrected. The T had gone to an R.

So instead of tooted, it said Amanda and I just in the Uber. That's unsavoury. You have to pay clean up costs in the Uber. Why have I text this to my mother-in-law? She didn't reply back at the time. She was too busy researching Lance Armstrong. I haven't brought it up since. So I'm like, oh, God, oh, God.

I panicked and went, oh, we're too nervous. But, you know. See, this is why I don't understand why texts don't have the suck feature, the suck back feature, where you're like, oh. Yeah, like a minute, a minute to go, oh. And we live in an age of amazing technology. Surely autocorrect is at a point where We're like, oh. Yeah, like a minute. A minute to go, oh. And we live in an age of amazing technology. Surely autocorrect is at a point

where you're like, well, he doesn't mean to say this. No. Are you sure you want to send this text to your mother-in-law? I'm going to go and see

the penis at Kelly Tarleton's. Clearly I'm talking about the penguins. So like surely you're smart enough to change that autocorrect. I'm feeling bad about this. So that's what I want to know.

0800 the hits is the phone number. Have you had a similar situation? Be it an email, be it text, be something on Zoom where technology has let you down. I was talking about this before the show, and producer Heidi, you've had a similar situation. Yes, I could have used that suck back

feature. Let's get the Vodafone and Spark on to sucking back the text. Oh, it's the worst. So I just started my new job in Perth and my boss's name wasth, and my boss's name was Chris, and my partner's name was also Chris. And one night I sent a text to what I thought was my partner. Uh-oh.

And it was to my boss, and it was a real text text. A real text text. Are we talking video footage, images? It's a proper text. It's a proper text. It's a proper text. It's a proper text. So that was super awkward the next morning and I had to apologise. Did you not realise until the next morning, until he's like...

No, I realised like straight away and I just lost it. Did he reply back or not? He was pretty awkward about it, to be honest. Yeah, he replied back, oh, it's fine, don't worry. He's like, I'm scarred. Our relationship's never going to be the same. This is a proper text. What do you do? All right, well, are you like Heidi? Are you like me? You've sent an email to the wrong

person, a text to the wrong person, maybe it's autocorrected. Maybe you're blind out on Zoom. We'd love to hear your calls. Feel a little bit better this morning. Caleb, welcome to New Zealand's Breakfast. How are you going? Oh, not bad, mate. How are you going? Oh, I'm not bad, mate. How are you guys doing? We're doing well, buddy. Great to have you on, my friend. What happened? Well, I accidentally leaked me Willie on Snapchat to my

Mrs Mum. To your mother-in-law? Okay, so you went one better than me. You had photographic evidence. How did this happen, Caleb? Caleb, moment of lapse in concentration. Dull moment really, mate. It was absolutely, oh, I'm

so scared to go to their house now. Oh, you haven't spoken to them since? Oh, nah, I don't want to go there. So this has happened quite recently? Yeah, Friday night. So your last form of communication was that? All visual. That was your last form of communication was that, all visual. What's that? All visual. That was your last form of communication with them?

Yeah, pretty much. Oh, that's... Oh, jeez. The longer you leave it, the harder it's going to get. Are we talking about the picture? What are we talking about? Repairing the relationship. Oh, okay.

You're probably not going to forget what you saw, are you? No, no, no. I don't think so. That's why you need that suck back feature John, I was just talking about that Yeah, the all new suck back Where you can suck back any regretful Oh Caleb, good luck my friend

Talk us through the moments just after Like cold sweats, what are you thinking? Oh, I just froze I haven't told my girlfriend yet either So I'm hoping that I communicate about it Come on But then you call the radio station

before even dealing with the immediate family. I love it, Caleb. I love it. I'd rather New Zealand know than my girlfriend. Caleb, hold the line. What a great call.

We're going to hook you up with the prize, all right, mate? Cheers, mate. I had a great text here, 4487. My mum and dad live down the line and they were travelling to stay with me

and I said, mum, I will lick you up this afternoon. Meaning I'll pick you up this afternoon. Oh, God. Mike, welcome to New Zealand's breakfast. Text blowouts, text blowouts. What happened? It was an email. I was working for a big finance company in London

and an email went out from our IT guys telling us about the new system. And drill down means to click on something and look at what lines underneath it, except drill down is not actually a word. So the email system corrected it to the nearest thing it could think of, and an email went to the entire company titled Enhanced Dildo Functionality. To the whole company. Oh, this is unusual. Well, they have made

some huge advancements in that world. But this goes back to my point before. It's like we're in 2020. Auto correct needs to go actually. Is this what you really mean?

To the entire company. You sure about this? God, that's good. I'm going to prove it because at least they read the email that week. Yeah, no one else reads your IT emails, do they, Mike?

Finally, you got some attention. Thank you, mate. And we'll head to the West Coast. Jo, welcome to the show. Tech blowouts, what happened? Well, I was having a text conversation with a friend about the junk in your shed. And the sports club that I am with, we hold duck races every year as a fundraiser, and the ducks live in my shed. However, autocorrect, good old autocorrect, changed it. I was trying to tell her that

I had too much stuff in my shed and 300 ducks. However, autocorrect said 300 dicks. Oh, God. That's a lot. I'm not sure if we'd make more money if it was that way around and he was racing those. Hell of a fundraiser. Yeah, well, I thought it'd be funny.

That'd be all of them on the West Coast, wouldn't it? Everyone. Yeah, it could well be, actually. All right, Jo, thank you very much for listening. You have a wonderful day.

Oh, I feel slightly better now about my blowout. Serving bowls of lolls for breakfast. Actual lolls may not be served. It's Jono and Ben on the heads. Now, we've been issued a challenge as a show by Adam and Megan in the Hawke's Bay

to turn a children's book into a rap song, and you guys voted for us to do the Wonky Donkey book, a book that became a global success after this Scottish granny loved reading it on YouTube. I was walking down the road and I saw a donkey. Hee haw. He had only one eye. He liked to listen to country music.

He was quite tall and slim. He was a lanky honky tonky winky honky donkey. She died after that. Had a heart attack. She was loving the crap out of that book. Didn't she? We need to get permission from the author of The Wonky Doggy to turn it into a rap. So he joins us on the phone right now, the author.

Craig Smith, how's it going, buddy? Very, very well, team. How are you? We're doing well, Craig. I always love seeing interviews with you because I'm like, that guy looks like he should have a can of Woodstock in his hand doing a burnout in a Holden.

But he's writing children's books. I've been compared to Metallica's Rhodey a few times. How did you get into it? How did you get into writing children's books? Obviously, you also do children's music and other music as well, but how did that all start? Well, I started as a musician primarily a few years ago. I made the choice to go full-time musician

and started doing music for the more mature, shall we say, and then started to just stray into organically having fun with kids' music, and it just, you know, as you know, I write all my stories in song, so then it just went from there. Far less judgmental audience, aren't they, the children? Oh, I would say, no, they judge more so. Oh, they're savage, are they? They either like it or they don't.

And they'll tell you. Yeah, and they'll tell you. So it's a very pure judgment. No holds barred. They're not polite. They're not polite. So the walkie-talkie is one of the most popular books you've written. Where was the inspiration for that come from?

Well, I used to play rugby, and I was playing rugby in Te Anau down south in there, and we finished a game, and we were in the club rooms afterwards, and we just sat around after cleaning up and sitting in the club rooms, having a few drinks, and we started telling jokes around the table. And by that stage, I'd already started to write some kid stuff. So when the joke, which I'd heard before, when the joke turned up, what do you call a donkey with three legs? You know, a wonky donkey turned up.

Then I thought, geez, that could work. I could expand on that. So I went home and got my thesaurus out and my rhyming dictionary and wrote The Wonky Donkey. You could never have imagined the international success the book was going to have. No, for three weeks in 2018, it was the number one selling book in the world across all genres. Wow.

So how many copies of the book is it sold worldwide? Do you know now? Well, over four million now. Oh my God. Have you paid off your mortgage? I hope so. Yeah. I've paid it off five times.

No, it's good, man. No, and you're right. No, like there's no way. I, and you're right. No, like, there's no way. I mean, I was just happy to be published. They were going to print 3,000 copies, and I was excited by that in the early days. Does that put pressure on your next book that comes in after that one? I bet it does.

Yeah, it does. But, you know, I'm thankful I had one in the back pocket, which was Dinky Donkey, which we released last year, and that went straight to number one and has been going great. And I've got a new one, The Granny Granny Donkey, coming out at the end of this year. Oh, wow. You're just firing out the hits. Like, at what point did The Wonky Donkey take off

and you're like, damn, this is getting out of control? Well, I mean, in 2009, to be fair, when it first came out, it was the number one selling book in Australia and New Zealand. It was number one for an entire year. It was out selling Girls with a Dragon Tattoo and all that sort of stuff. So it went boom in Australasia when it first came out in 2009.

But then it sort of stalled internationally and then, of course, until the Scottish Granny got a hold of it and 200 million views later, the book was launched overseas. You're like, thank you, Scottish Granny. Oh, man, I can't thank her enough. Have you spoken to her? Oh, no, we can't thank her enough. Have you spoken to her?

Oh, no, we're Facebook friends and everything. We flew her over here for the launch. Scholastic organised that, and we flew her over here for the launch of Dinky Donkey. The plan is when all this stuff calms down a little bit, I'm going to get her over to New Zealand, her and her family, and just thank her properly. Oh, that's awesome.

That's a very nice thing to do. Now, we're talking to Craig Smith, the author of many books, among those, The Wonky Donkey. Now, we've been called out, Craig, by another radio station, and we have to turn a children's book into a rap. Right. You have Adam's one around here, Producer Juliet.

So this was the original one. He did The Gruffalo. A mouse took a stroll through the deep, dark wood. A fox saw the mouse, and the mouse looked good. Where are you going to, little brown mouse? Come and have lunch in my underground house. He's very good. He's very good.

And so then we were, a couple of votes came through for some Kiwi books that Ben and I could embark on. And we did our demos yesterday. These are just demos, Craig. I was given Harry McCleary. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. Craig. I was given Harry McCleary. Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Out of the gate and off for a walk when Harry McCleary

from Donaldson's Dairy and Hercules Morse, as big as a horse. So that was that one. And Ben had the wonky donkey. No, this was just again, just a demo. I don't know if I chose the right song, but here you go. He only had three legs and he had one eye. He was a winky wonky donkey, winky wonky

donkey, winky wonky donkey, and he liked to listen to country music. Yeehaw. So not my best effort. I've taken the rap game back a few years. So Craig. I would say the problem with wonky donkey is that it's cumulative, so it actually gets longer and longer. So that's

a challenge. You can pull it off. That's what I thought, yeah, because I love it when it gets quite fast. But as you say, the rhyme scheme is a different rhyme scheme. The odds are against us. The reason we've got you on this morning is to ask you, A, please don't sue us for copyright, and B, do we have your blessing to try and produce your story? Look, I tell you what, anyone who wants to use my stuff to turn it into

something fun and not commercial go for it that's what I say oh listen Craig thank you thank you so much for your time

but you know about us you've got my permission we've got the permission it's like good luck basically it's against us rock and roll man go for it

lovely talking to you and keep up the great work hey thanks guys eggs for breakfast it's Jon you And keep up the great work Hey thanks guys Eggs for breakfast It's Jono and Ben On my heads Bars and clubs The clubs

They're opening up again tomorrow The clubs Now you are hanging out Aren't you producer Juliet Yeah boy The clubs See the millennials Are going to be the

The death of this COVID thing I know You're going to drop us We're going to flatten that curve With all your avocados And your fraternising Apparently the students In Dunedin Have gone to a bit of trouble Because they've been Partying too much Since going back to uni We had all the control. We had to flatten that curve with all your avocados and your fraternising. Apparently the students in Dunedin have gotten into a bit of trouble

because they've been partying too much since going back to uni. And it's like, oh, naughty students in Dunedin. Don't try and shift the blame, mate. Let's do some entertainment news with producer Julian. We've been sifting through this celebrity cesspit of gossip. Juju, what have we got, matey? So I want you to listen to this piece of audio here first.

Hey, have y'all seen this? I've always wanted to try it. Life hack. Oh! Oh! So that, my dear friends... This is very dramatic audio, whatever it is. That, my dear friends, is Jason Derulo knocking his teeth out

by eating a corn on the cob using a power drill. Oh, so the corn challenge. Yes, on TikTok. Which is a stupid idea. Can I put it out there for the record? Was it for charity? Eat a cob of corn for charity? No, they put a cob of corn in a drill,

and then they try and eat it while it's going. It's like you're just asking for trouble. Yeah, and he's calling it a life hack. But, mate, it's not a life hack if you're losing your front teeth. So I love corn. It's one of my favourites. But there's so much administration when it comes to eating a cob of corn. You always end up with a dribbly chin.

Not even the most sophisticated person. Dame Judi Dench couldn't eat a cob of corn and look sophisticated. That's true. Unless you do the whole slice the thing off the side by holding it. Ain't nobody got time for that. Yeah, exactly. No, I will say I've always wanted to do that thing where you sit on the car airbag

and it bursts you into the roof. You know, that you see on the internet. I've got common sense and I don't do it. Should we start a TikTok account for you and make that your debut video? Oh, you've got me. You've got me. And in other news, Usain Bolt is officially a dad. He is now a dad to a baby girl.

Her name hasn't been announced. But there's going to be a lot of pressure on that daughter. I tell you that for free. Yeah. A lot of pressure, too. Do they still have that parent-child race at Athletics Day? Oh, yeah. You'd be like, I'm guessing the other dad's going,

oh, God, it's Usain Bolt in this one. Yeah. And especially if they're tied leg together, he's going to be... Come on. Yeah. But you've got a lot in common with Usain Bolt, don't you? What's that? Being the fastest man in the planet in another setting.

I see what you've done there. Oh, yeah, I get it. For more spy, you're going to head to the Hits. You break his 100-metre record, don't you? No, definitely, definitely. Head to the Hits.com to NZ for more spy. Ten seconds is a long time. Want more Jono and Ben?

You can catch up with the boys anytime. Just search Jono and Ben on Facebook. We're having a lot of fun on this station. We appreciate you guys calling us, texting us, and, yeah. Well, being here, it's been a lot of fun. It has been a lot of fun, but we know the real reason why we were brought in here, and it was to clean up the trail

of smut devastation left by Tony Street. Came in here, spouted off her filth every morning, disturbed the audience, and so they've got us in to clean it up, and so we've taken this job very seriously. Yeah, but in all seriousness, despite your unwarranted 20-street slander, Filth.

She's a filth monger. We do want this to be a show that the kids can listen to and the adults can listen to in the car. The whole family can enjoy. And you'll notice that on the hits, they do censor the occasional song, like this one from 666. Someday when you give up,

you'll be waking up to call and tell. That's safe. Even Jesus Christ himself could listen to the station and not be offended. The Pope. The Pope could tune in and be like, hey, I'm not going to get offended here. No, because they've censored that version of that song.

So we thought, well, why stop there, Jono? Why stop there with that song? There's other songs that we need to clean up. So we're going to... We've had to delve deep into the library here because historically they let a few slip past the goalie in past years. So you've deep-dived, haven't you, into the database? Yes, there was.

One you'll know from the hit TV show Friends. I'll be there. Can I just clean that one up as well? I see what's going on here. What? For comedic purposes, you've beeped out timely words to make them sound not... Not at all. not at all. This is the opposite of what I came here to do.

I think this is what Stevie Wonder wanted to do when he was calling up to leave a message. I just called to say, **** you. Uh-oh, Ben. I know where you're going with this, and I don't want any part of it. Michael Jackson, you know, we cleaned him up,

cleaned up that filth. I don't want any part of it. Michael Jackson, you know, we cleaned him up, cleaned up that filth. I think that was the least of Michael Jackson's worries. And finally, Whitney Houston, a classic song. What I like is there's no songs from now.

Like how, Dale? Do you vaguely remember Whitney Houston from 40 years ago? Well, guess what? We've cleaned it up, guys. We've cleaned it up. Unnecessarily, you're like, oh, yeah, I vaguely remember that song. What did she originally say? I can't even remember.

Just like a chocolate milkshake, only white and disappointing. It's Jono and Ben on the hits. Well, lovely to have you with us on New Zealand's Breakfast. Thank you so much for joining us. We started this new gig about six weeks ago. Really enjoying it. Honestly, it's a lot of fun. Yeah, I mean, you said it before.

What is this, a performance review? You just said it about four minutes ago. Try to get it out there, mate. They're like, oh, they're having fun. We can't get rid of them. You know, that's my theory. You know, they're like, oh, you know. They're like little puppies.

Can't kick them. You can't kick someone out of the house at the party if they still look like they're having a good time. Do you know how many times you've said we're having a lot of fun? We're like, all right, let them have their fun. But, yeah, the early mornings. A lot of fun. A lot of fun.

So much fun. But in the morning, I've noticed that every minute counts. Yes. Like it's like a ticking time bomb and you can't afford to lose any minutes. When you're getting up at like four in the morning and you're trying to get in here, you're right, every second counts. Yeah, and so I'm now turning into an old man. Like, I feel like I'm one day away from complaining about time slot changes for Coronation Street.

Right, yeah. You know, last night... Well, it's on too late for you now. Yeah, I can't even watch it now. And I don't know how to work the bloody recorder. But last night, I have been up until now, and I'll be honest, I've been placing my socks separately in both shoes. Ready to go? In preparation in the morning. If I could sleep in my now, and I'll be honest, I've been placing my socks separately in both shoes.

Ready to go? In preparation in the morning. If I could sleep in my clothes, I would, just to be more prepared for the morning. Because you can't really turn lights on in the morning as well, so you've got to have it all ready. Yeah, and last night I was in the bathroom just brushing my teeth at night,

and I was like, oh, I'll leave my toothbrush out. And for a brief second there, I was like, should I pre-paste the toothbrush? And I was like, no, Pryor, that is psychotic. You're a lunatic. You're a lunatic.

Do you know, you told me the other day, you prepared your clothes the night before and I was like, okay, yeah. But that was the day when you arrived at work

and I was like, man, he must've got dressed in the dark this morning. He had track pants on and an army jacket and you're like, oh, I pre-prepared my clothes. I was like, wow, he thought have got dressed in the dark this morning. He had track pants on and an army jacket. Then you're like, oh, I pre-prepared my clothes.

I was like, wow, he thought about that 10 hours before he wore it. You've worn with me for a long time. You know I look like I've dressed out of a clothing bin. Yeah, that's what I thought. It's a mishmash of camouflage and Adidas track pants. Someone was coming up to me to sell me meth in the morning or something. But 0800 of the Hits, this is what I wanted to chuck out there. Morning hacks.

Ways to make your morning easier, I had a friend's dad Who I used to laugh and judge at Who would pre-pour his cereal Have the bread out in the morning and all the spreads Ready to go, he was that organised Maybe you're doing something on the way to work At the red lights, you're stopping and you're I don't know, shaving your legs or something like that

Yeah, you know, just some hacks Like, you know, save up hacks like uh you know save up precious time in the morning don't shower ever don't refuse to go to work you get to that stage we do i remember running into someone in the gold coast an old guy at the hotel was staying i was like oh how long are you staying here for and he's like oh we're not saying till next week i'm from brisbane i just did a dry run just an hour and a half drive just to check out where the parking was check where the hotel is and then he was going back. I was like, wow, that's next level for you.

You don't get more boomer. You don't get more boomer than doing a dry run on your hotel parking. You're not saying that for a week's time. I think I might do that this weekend. That's a wonderful idea. Just to see where to go. Okay, 0800, what are your morning hacks?

Another hack, don't make lunch for the kids. Let them forage. Forage in the wild. Eat from the rubbish bins in the bushes. That's right. 80 at a time. Oh yeah,

we'll get you your calls and texts next. 0800 the Hits is our phone number. You're on New Zealand's Breakfast Rochelle. What an absolute honour it is for us to have you.

Oh, thank you very much. Good morning. What do you do? What's your morning hack, Rochelle? Morning hack would be to get up and to buy my breakfast, lunch and tea on the way to work.

What, at three different locations? Because it feels like it's adding time. No, at one. Usually the fourth square in Hokitika. So you don't make your lunch and stuff. No, don't time. Even your dinner. Even getting your dinner in before work.

Good chat. What I like about this show is the free-flowing natural bands. Oh, it just is. We could talk all day to Rochelle. Yeah, that's good. So they must know you every day coming into the store right now. Yeah, they do. Oh, Rochelle, you are a champion. What are you listening

to in the background? Your radio station. Now? Are we on delay? Yeah, you are on delay. Oh, it's confusing me. I'm not a good broadcaster. If this was a better radio show, they wouldn't have pointed that out and got bamboozled.

Hey, good on you, Rochelle. Have a great day, eh? Appreciate that. Chris is on the phone from Auckland. What was your morning hack, Chris? Save some time. Yeah, morning, guys. Look, I used to live 25km away from work,

and to save me the commute and stuff from work, I now live in an apartment right across the road from work, and I can get up five minutes before I start at work. Oh, good on you. Good on you. That feels like quite an expensive option, but a great time-saving option as well. You can't put a price on time.

No, you can't. But even though if I was in that situation, I'd still turn up late. Yeah. Even though I'd be directly next door to work. I remember a, here's another hack. You could break up your loving relationship and live in the office. There we go.

There was a guy at our old radio station. He started showering and stuff in the bathroom and shaving his face in the bathroom. And it turned out he had been living in the radio. Yeah. His wife had kicked him out for. Was that person you? It was me. It was a tough six months.

I don't remember hearing about this. Yeah, no, I made it through. I was showering in the hand basin, getting changed in cubicle three. It was a dark time in my life. And finally, Jordan's on the phone. Your morning hack, Jordan, to save time. What is it?

Hey, guys. So what I do is I'll buy all my groceries and then I'll leave them in the car. So basically, like, my car is my pantry. Oh, you're like a travelling dairy. Yeah, pretty much. Where do you keep all the food? In the back seat or something?

Yeah, I've got, like, the bags that you take to the supermarket, the reusable ones, and I just keep them in there. And I, like, put them on the floor of the car in the back seat so that they're not in the sun or anything. Where's the milk in your glove box? No, I don't keep milk in there. Oh, don't be silly. How dare I accuse you of that?

Grow up, Jono. Good on you, Jono. You have a wonderful day and thank you so much for listening to the show. Thanks, guys. Appreciate it, mate. Hey, you've got toothpaste on the side of your mouth. It's Jono and Ben on my heads. A lot of people going back to work,

back to school at the moment. And if you're not feeling 100%, you can be kind to your community. Show your kind face. Thanks to kindface.co.nz. We've got some face masks that you can wear when you're out and about.

It's a great addition to building your first aid emergency kits as well. And our ones, our versions have got funny wee sayings on them, haven't they, Jono? Yeah, this is great.

So even in the face of an emergency, you can always put a smile on someone else's face. Even if there's a gas bomb going off, you'll be like, look at this funny little quirky comment on here. People don't know you're smiling underneath that face mask, but they've got things on like, trust me, I'm smiling, or another one says, sorry, no kissing, I'm married, or I've got bad breath.

That's another one. There's many of these funny slogans on there. I thought Tesla should do one called Elon Musk, where they do Elon Musk. Tesla's very special. They'd have some futuristic one. Or we could look like Elon Musk's face or something. That's good.

If you want one of ours, though, not quite as cool as the Elon Musk ones, but you can head to the It's Breakfast Facebook or Instagram comment on our post and we could send you one for free. Yeah, there's a lot of groundswell for the masks. A lot of people want to get them. The street talk is great and I'm hearing the street talk from a socially acceptable distance. Yes.

So I think it's good. You can hear it through a mask. You don't know if they're talking about that or something else. I assume they're talking about our masks. But we need to get some press coverage for it. And Herald, stuff.co.nz These are news organisations That we feel are beneath The masks, we want to go bigger than that Oh yeah, the biggest news outlet in the country right?

The coffee news It's one of my favourites You do love the coffee, he actually does love the coffee On the big sort of yellow brownie piece of paper In most cafes Quirky news, it's just like the real news With less depressing coronavirus coverage Exactly, you read it while you're getting a coffee Or whatever at the cafe and it always brings a smile to your face Quirky news. It's just like the real news with less depressing coronavirus coverage. Exactly.

You read it while you're getting a coffee or whatever at the cafe, and it always brings a smile to your face. So wondering if we can get some priceless free advertising for the masks on the coffee news. We're going to dial through right now. Tell you whoever has the brown-yellow paper business would be, geez, the coffee news would be keeping, putting their kids through college. Good morning, Coffee News.

Helen speaking. Hello. Hi there, Helen. It's John O'Byrne calling from the Hits Radio Station. How are you doing? Hey, good, thanks. Helen, who do I have to sleep with around here to get some coverage in the Coffee News? Oh, jeez.

Well, you might not like it, but it's me. I'll do anything for these masks. Helen, I'm sorry about his weird question to start things off. Firstly, big fan of the Coffee News. I love reading it at the cafes. Cool, thank you. Do you know he has built a radio career on the information on the Coffee News?

Really? He plagiarises all your material. I used to love reading out all the international, the quirky stuff, the stories that happened overseas, you know, the funny ones. Oh, fantastic. What's in there at the moment? What's in the latest bulletin? Oh, I'd have to look online for you on my digital version.

Hang on, I'll just tell you. We were too lazy to read it, so we just thought we'd phone you up and get you to read it to us. Oh, yeah, well, now that's a pretty cool idea. We do have an ulterior motive. Oh, what's that? The ulterior motive is Ben and myself have released signature range masks to...

You know, like if you're not feeling well, you can put it on your face and, you know, to protect other people around, you know, that sort of thing. Yeah, or rob a bank or something like that. Well, maybe not. Less of that and more of the first one, less of the last one. We thought we'd tap into the criminal market. Yeah.

Good thinking. They've got funny slogans on them like... Sorry, I've got lip filler in or I've got a cold sore or trust me, I'm smiling underneath this or no kissing, I'm married. That sort of stuff. And we just wanted front page coverage on the coffee news.

Yeah. That's our ulterior motive. A full page. A full page. It's only one page. I don't know about full page, but I can just leave it to you on the front page. Delete whatever's on there. A full page.

I've got an ad space just for you. Oh, have you, Helen? Yep, I'll do it for you. Oh, Helen. This was just meant to be a quirky phone call. We weren't meaning to follow through with this. We just thought when everyone would leave, we'd all go about our days and pretend this ever happened.

But, oh, that's very kind of you. Yeah, no, happy to do that for you guys. No, there was a promising conversation at the beginning of this phone call. Am I going to have to follow through on that? The offer's there, Helen. The offer's there. I. The offer's there. I'll do whatever I need to

to market these masks. Hey, look, it's the best offer I've had in a very long time. Oh, Helen, you're awesome. Sometimes you get to the stage where you'd just rather have a nice cup of tea. Or a cup of coffee

and read the Coffee News. Helen, you are awesome. We love your work at the Coffee News and I hope you guys adapt like you sound like you're doing and it works I hope you guys adapt like you're saying that you're doing, and it works out for you guys. Awesome.

Thanks for that. If people want to read it, where can they go read it? The website? You can just go to Coffee News. If you go to coffeenews.co.nz, it'll take you through to another page. Awesome, Helen. We appreciate your time.

You're great. Thank you for that. New Zealand's breakfast. Just don't eat them. They're chewy. It's Jono and Ben on the hits. Really enjoying. I don't know if you for that. New Zealand's breakfast. Just don't eat them. They're chewy. It's Jono and Ben on the hits. Really enjoying, I don't know if you're in the same boat, Ben, picking up kids from school.

My kids used to enjoy picking up my kids from school. Not just kids in general. I thought that's what we could do now. We've got the afternoons free. Just go around picking up random kids. No, no. Hi, kids. Do you need a lift home?

So, yeah, I turned up at school and I did, you were mentioning my attire before of camouflage jackets and track pants and I'm like, I'm not fit to be

standing outside of this school. I look like something that a neighbour would take a picture of and put it on the community police watch website.

What I love about you is you've got free clothes for seven years but you don't wear any of them. No. You're like, yeah, and he was like, why aren't you is you've got free clothes for seven years, but you don't wear any of them. No. You wear them. You're like, yeah.

And it was like, why aren't you wearing some of these nice clothes? Oh, because I like to have the fashionable look of a weed dealer from Masterton. That's what I like to do. But anyway, I was picking the kids up from school yesterday, and they all come out looking quite frazzled, don't they, the children? Right. I was like, what's going on in there during the day? But they're all high energy. But there's this one child who's lovely.

And he's always, since our TV show ended, it kind of became his personal quest to pitch me ideas to get us back on television. Oh, that's nice. Like a charity thing he's doing. Yeah, he was like, I feel sorry for this bald guy. Clearly he's looking homeless, dressed from a clothing bin. I'll help him out.

So he'd be like, hey, I've got a new idea. Why don't you do a show where you shoot Ben's leg with a staple gun? I'm like, okay, I don't see a full series of that. A segment maybe, yeah. Yeah, yeah. And then the next day he'll be like, why don't you and Ben go around eating leaves for a whole day? I was like, again, I don't know if it's longevity or season two or three.

It's probably better than our last show, to be honest. And why don't you get, why don't you change Ben's name to Richard? Was another idea. So I mean, this is, these are. It's his ideas,

getting the hamsters turned. Anyway, he was very disappointed yesterday. It was the first time I've seen him since the lockdown, since his show pitches. And he's like, see you back on TV. I was like, yeah.

He's like, it's a dog show. And I was like, yeah. I was like yeah he's like it's a dog show and I was like yeah he's like I didn't pitch you any dog show ideas he's like did you he was getting frustrated

with me he was like did you even pitch to the TV station my ideas he said that to me this is the first I've heard of it

yeah no I told and now I need to come clean I was like mate I didn't I didn't go to TVNZ with your ideas

shoot Ben with a staple gun he's like did you tell Ben I was like no no I didn't you go to TVNZ with your ideas, shoot Ben with a staple gun. He's like, did you tell Ben? I was like, no, no, I didn't. You're telling me now. He's like, they would have been good. So he's angry with me now. So I need to patch up this relationship with this child, this six-year-old child who's a little upset

that I haven't taken his TV show ideas. So I apologise to him. I won't name him because he might come through with some hot fire gold one day. And we would like to keep it to ourselves. Yeah. That's where it came from. Because one day on Netflix,

you're going to see Jono and Ben shooting each other with a staple gun. While eating leaves for an hour. I love it. Morning! It's Jono and Ben on the hips. Where we're broadcasting from, we've got a big window

and it sort of looks out into the atrium of the building. So we see everyone coming to work and stuff. And what I just appreciated, I don't know if you guys saw it, an older guy, sort of probably over the age of 50 or 60, took his keys and scratched inside his ear with his keys.

That's quite the older generation thing to do, isn't it? My dad's always a big ear key. Like, why are you using your car keys to scratch the inside of your ear? They're using a pen and then suddenly that goes in as well. You're like, okay, I won't use that pen. I imagine Kevin Boyce probably scratches the inside of his ear with car keys.

I think you get to a certain age and that's what you do. It becomes acceptable. Exactly. Here we go. Synchronise Oddsers. It's a wee game we want to play for the first time, right, Jono? It is a brand new game. We're road testing it.

We'll see if it's got any legs or if it's a complete shambles. We'll do a live post analysis at the end of it. Basically, producer Juliette fires out a category. Ben and myself have three seconds to answer at the same time. If we answer the same answer in sync, you lose the prize. Alison, so at the moment, you've got a double pass to the Moveys. Woo-hoo. Woo-hoo. When was the last time you went to the Moveys? Well, you've got a double pass to the movies. Woo-hoo. Woo-hoo.

When was the last time you went to the movies? Well, it's been a while, you know, lockdown and stuck in the house. So looking forward to getting out again. Have you ever seen a movie theater with the lights on? That's confronting. Have you seen that? I don't know. I was at a film and they turned the lights on right at the end.

I was like, why would you do this immediately? It's like the Gaza Strip in there. Okay, Alison. So, yeah, well done. You've won the movie tickets, but it's our job to try and take them away from you. Producer Juliet, the first category for synchronised answering. Name for me a kitchen utensil.

Spatula. Why did you go eggbeater? I was going to go fork, and then I was like, oh, no, maybe cutlery is too, you know, is that a utensil? So then I was like, oh, you know. I put a frying pan before an egg beater. Oh, okay. Well, sorry, mate. This is what I'm saying.

When was the last time you beat eggs? The weekend, mate. Lovely scrambled eggs. Next one. A zoo animal. Tiger. Tiger. Oh, I thought you were going tiger because of Tiger King.

Giraffe is the obvious one, but in your head, it's funny how you just can't sync up, right? Yeah, giraffes are beautiful animals, aren't they? They've got very long tongues. Very long tongues. Have you been to the Auckland Zoo? Yeah. It's like, wow, that tongue can do some stuff.

That tongue can make a lot of people very happy. All right, let's try and see if we get the answers in sync. An item off the McDonald's menu. Hashbrowns. I don't know why we'd hashbrowns. See, you're trying

to throw it off now. You're trying to go quicky items. Why would you go hashbrowns off the McDonald's menu? Because it's breakfast time. That was my thinking. Okay.

And I thought you're a guy who likes to eat the correct foods at the right time of day. You're right. You're not a cheeseburger in the morning type of fella. Okay. I thought Big Mac or cheeseburger. Anyway. Okay, Alison. Well done.

You've still got the movie tickets. How many more have we got to go, Producer Julia? We can do two more. One more. Okay. All right. Let's do a couple more. Let's go.

A city in Australia. Melbourne. Melbourne. Man, do a couple more. Let's go. A city in Australia. Melbourne. Man, it's so hard to get the synchronised answer. We've worked together for such a long time that our clocks should have singed up by now, Alison. All right. And name for me a 660 song. Don't forget your roots.

Yes! Yes! We did it! Can't hold time because of social distancing. Don't forget your roots. Yes! Yes! We did it! We did it! We didn't forget any roots. Alison, you've lost the movie tickets right at the finish line. I've never been so stoked about getting a prize off someone.

Oh, my God. I'm sorry, Alison. You win some, you lose some. Oh, the lighthouse. We'll talk about this off air. What more Jono and Ben? You can catch up with the boys anytime. Just search Jono and Ben on Instagram.

Scrolling through your feed. Yeah, listen, when we look through your feed, go through all the ads for the Fit Tees and the muscle stimulants and get to the nitty gritty stories. So you don't have to. You don't have to bother, we'll update you. You wake up in the morning, you don't even have to look at your phone? We'll tell you what's going on?

No, because radio will be around forever. Radio will never die. It'll be the first form of communication. I thought it would be gone by now, to be honest. It's stuck around. I know. It really has. Producer Juju, you're 22.

Why the hell did you get into radio? I don't know. It's like a cockroachuju, you're 22. Why the hell did you get into radio? I don't know. It's like a cockroach. You can't kill it in a nuclear war. You should have a YouTube channel or something. So today, the big news is Simon Bridges, leader of the National Party. A lot of rumours floating around that he could be gone,

that he could be ousted, Simon Bridges. But that seems to happen every few months in politics. But this one seems, you know, there's a bit of basis to it. He's had a bit of a rough run, hasn't he, from his point of view, where Jacinda's just been on fire. He must just get sick of just saying the opposite to her. Yeah. Whatever you say, I just say the opposite.

Even if it's good facts and good things for the country to do. Yeah, I remember we did something with Simon Bridges and he was working behind the counter at a Countdown supermarket store. Oh, that's right. So we're in his ear controlling him what to do, producer Juliet. Oh, gosh. You know, next actor.

Yeah, I remember that. And some people, you know, you tell them what to do and some people are like, oh, I can't do that, guys. Jono, what did you make him do when he was working behind the counter? I said, put a cucumber in your mouth. Pick it up with your mouth. Pick it up with your mouth and he did it.

And like scan it with the mouth? Yeah, the whole thing, cucumber in the mouth. He deep, he deep checked it. He deep. And it wasn't, I? Yeah, the whole thing, cucumber and the mouth. He deep, he detects it. I was like, this is not, this is one of, you know when John Key ate that hot dog, you know? I was like, this is his moment. Maybe that was the tipping point. Who do you think will take over if he goes?

Luxon, I'm picking Luxon. I was thinking the guy that was the former head of New Zealand. Well, that's what National needs. Thanks, Tover O'Brien. They probably need someone at the forefront. Paddy Gower. Here's my hot take. Here's my hot political take.

Are you listening to a bald guy with tattoos about politics? Yeah. National probably need to put someone forward who everyone's like, yeah, they're going to get the economy going again. That's not a bad thought. And if the former head of Air New Zealand is that person, that's my opinion.

I actually quite made a lot of sense for this early in the morning. Also, and scrolling through your feed, a bit conspiracy going around about 5G. Jono, you were telling me about this as well. I got into a deep hole. So David Farrier, the former reporter on 3, and he's done a couple of docos on Netflix, he was the face of Spark's

5G network. I remember the ads on TV. And about a year ago he started getting harassed on Facebook and online by conspiracy theorists going, how dare you promote this thing. There's a theory that the US and the world's superpowers the New World Order have started this

5G network to control us all and get into our brains. Many are saying it's the cause of the spread of coronavirus. Really? And people in South Auckland are burning down 5G cell phones. Oh, yeah, there's been a couple trying to be burned down, yeah. Is that because of that?

Because they think it's spreading coronavirus? Yeah. Oh, I did it. I was like, these things. On my way to work, I burned down three. So I'll have none of this coronavirus business. That is what's happening in the world this morning. More painful than your alarm clock.

It's Jono and Ben on the hits. What's that? Oh, no. Shut up. Now what? Oh, it's Jono and Ben's rude awakening. Your Stacks to Hell pizza, you can find them at hell.co.nz where you can get plant-based chorizo on any pizza right now.

We like to wake people up in the morning. What's plant-based chorizo? So it's not a chorizo, it's not a sausage. No, it's made from plants. Yes, just a plant-based. Why? Why not? Well, if you're a vegetarian,

if you maybe don't like the idea of the animals dying for your delicious pizza, then you can't get that. I suppose people with higher morals than me. Yeah, well, some people can't get that in their heads, you know, but still go, oh, that's a delicious thing to eat. But you like the taste of sausage, but you don't like the ethics behind the sausage. Yeah. I guess it makes sense, right?

It's a conflicting, anyway, who am I to sit here and pick holes in that? James, welcome from Rotorua. Morning, John. Good to have you on, James. This is The Rude Awakening, where we wake someone in your life up from a deep, deep slumber with the world's easiest multi-choice questions. Who are we calling?

Calling my wife, Kirsten. Give us a background. Happy marriage? Healthy? Yeah, mate. Four kids. Active? Four kids? Very active. Very active, aren? Yeah, mate. Four kids. Active? Four kids? Very active.

Very active, aren't they just? Four beautiful kids. Okay, all right. Well, we will call your household right now and see if you can win a $40 Hell Pizza voucher. Hello, Kirsten speaking. Oh, Morena, Kirsten. Hello.

It's Jono and Ben, two obnoxiously loud radio announcers, and you're on the hits. Welcome to The Rude Awakening. Oh, good morning. You can win some hell pizza. You just got to answer some simple questions first thing in the morning. Here we go. Drake.

Drake's real name is what? A, George Constanislus. B, I definitely didn't make that up on the spot. George Constanislus. B, Aubrey Graham. Or C, Barry Berenson. Sorry, I missed that question. Oh, God, don't do that.

Drake, Drake the Rapper. His real name is what? Oh, yes. Is what? It's Aubrey Graham. I'm going to give it to you. Yes, the B, B. Yeah, go on.

I can't make up names on the spot. It's not a strong point. No, yeah. Barack Obama is married to who? A, an ideology that sees free healthcare for all, B, Michelle, or C, Denise? Michelle. Well done.

$20 from Hell Pizza. Bill Gates founded which company? A, Bill's Gates, B, Bill's Gates and Garages, or C, Microsoft? Microsoft. Well done. Jeez, you're good.

You're good. 14 years old, I was reading that day. He started up his business. Microsoft. Well, I don't know if it was. 14 years old, I was reading the other day. He started up his business. Microsoft? Well, I don't know if it was. He started work. Yeah, I'll double check. Let me fact check that.

Yeah, fact check that. Yeah. And finally, Jesse Mulligan is on what? On Point, on Anabolic Steroids, or on The Project? The Project. My gosh, you're so good. $40 worth of hell pizza. Hang on.

Where are you sleeping? In a crèche? I told you, you're so good. $40 worth of hell pizza. Where are you sleeping? In a crèche? I told you, you woke my son up at the same time. Oh, no. Sorry. Wrong time of the day. James, hammer it home. James is on the phone, by the way, too. Hey, what?

Oh, good morning. Is this your doing, is it? Oh, maybe. Don Is this your doing, is it? Oh, maybe. Don't blame us, James. Hey, well done, Kirsten. Thank you very much. $40 worth of hell pizza. And Bill Gates.

Yeah, he did. He teamed up with his mate at the age of 15. There you go. They got into business together then. So there you go. It didn't quite start Microsoft then, but that led to Microsoft. It was like a lemonade stand or something.

No, it was a Traft-O-Data, a computer program that monitored traffic patterns in Seattle. So there you go. So it was always all the invention stuff. Just your classic teenage stuff. We got up to it as teenagers, right Jono? Hey, thanks guys. Have a wonderful day. Thanks.

Now if you want to play with someone in your household tomorrow, 0800 THE HITS or you can text through on HITS 4487 is the number. Not a morning person? Sadly, neither of these two. It's Jono and Ben on the hits. I like pineapple on pizza.

I like the ads that pop up on YouTube. Kiwi onion dip? Tastes like crap. Controversial call-outs. This is where Jono and I both say something that could be deemed controversial, an unpopular thing,

and we see if anyone would agree with us on 0800THEHITS. If we get someone to agree, we win. We win this round. Now, it's only polite for me to offer up Ben's controversial opinions and views on abortion. Are we tackling that today or is that for tomorrow? That's your way on. No, I don't have any controversy.

We'll get to it tomorrow. It's fine. We'll get to it tomorrow. Today he wants to talk about socks. Socks one day, abortion the next. No, I don't want to talk about abortion at all, okay? Anyway, I want to talk about socks. Are you pro or against?

I just want to talk about socks. I'll tell you what, I'm not. I just want to talk about socks. But you're right. You pointed out that I've been talking a lot about socks recently. Yeah. So the other night I was like, it's fine to wear socks in bed. And then I've

flopped on my socks theory because I'd also like to say that it's okay to wear shoes without socks. I really think you're misusing socks. It's okay to wear them in bed, but not wear them for the sole purpose they're actually designed

for. My mummy's always going on about that. You know, like summertime, I'll just put on a pair of sneakers, you know, and off you go. And she'll be like, oh, you're going to put on socks. Why? Why? Because your feet get all clammy. All the bloody bacteria and fungus. They offer a layer of protection and comfort.

Blisters. I mean, the list goes on. Well, you know, but, you know, socks without sandals. You know, when you're wearing socks when you put your sandals on. Okay, so you'll go out for the whole day, not wear socks with shoes, but then when you get home and it's bedtime, you'll put socks on

and sleep in bed. I'm a complicated individual. So anyway, I'm saying here this morning, you can put socks on or socks off. Do what you want with socks. That's what I'm going to say. There should be no sock-based rules that we all have to abide by. Do you agree with Ben that it's okay to wear shoes without socks

is a controversial call-out? Or do you agree with his views on abortion? Oh, 800. I didn't say any views on that. Oh, 800-843-4487 is the telephone number. Here's my controversial call-out. Raw steak sucks. You're a raw steak guy. I'm not raw steak, but I'm like, you know.

My friend Baz comes over. He's like, do you like your steak blue? I've never heard of blue. He's like, you've got to try it blue. It's the way to go. And then he puts it on my barbecue, literally like this. Turns it. And then he puts it on my barbecue, literally like this. Turns it. And then he puts it on the plate.

See, I could eat that, but it wouldn't be as nice as cooking it a bit longer for me. I was like, we might as well just walk into a paddock with a knife and fork. Like, how much? I don't know. I don't understand why people like raw meat. Give me a well done. I've got a palate of a bogan bean. You do.

I remember we were in France for filming for the TV show under the Eiffel Tower, the most picturesque, beautiful spot ever. And we were trying some French delicacies and it was going to get worse and worse, like snails and frogs and stuff. But we started with beef tartare, which was like sort of raw beef. Mince. Like a plate of raw premium beef mince.

It was delicious. But, oh, mate, yeah, I was like vomiting under the awful towel. I was like, we've got to call it now. We can't be like, we're doing bad things for New Zealand tourism. The relations have never been lower. But then they crack a raw egg on top of it. I'm like, this is a campylobacter nightmare.

Plate of raw mince with raw egg. Anyway, so 0800, the hits the telephone number, 0800 843 4487. Who do you agree with this morning? Do you agree that it's okay to not wear socks with shoes? Or do you agree that raw steak sucks? Because people look down their nose at you too when it comes to cooking meat, don't they? When you say well done at a steak restaurant, everyone's like, oh, here's this guy.

I could happily live the rest of my life with all of my meals cooked on a barbecue outside Bunnings. You know, just sausages and bread. That's my palate. 0800 the hits. Again, for the second day running, we're too controversial. Maybe it was the abortion that turned everyone off. Possibly.

I don't know why you keep saying that word. We've reached our quota for that word this year, I think. It's a draw, well done. No one agrees more with the socks or the raw steak. I like it. Like starting your day without your morning coffee. It's Jono and Ben on the hits. There's an idea banding around at the moment

that we need more public holidays this year in New Zealand to kickstart the economy. Because people will travel more, get out, do things. I'm like, yes, yes. Won't they just stay at home though? Oh, you might. But some other people are socialising

and talking to people. Permits like you might. Yeah. You can travel away. If you've got a long weekend, people will go, oh, I'm going to go away. Why don't we have Economy Day?

What do you mean by that? Well, we take a, it's called, that's the name of the holiday. Economy Day. And everyone gets a day off, but you we take a, it's called, that's the name of the holiday. Economy Day. And everyone gets a day off, but you need to, the only rule is you have to go out and spend money. Yeah, okay, I'm down with that. Okay, thank you.

I have no power or sway to get that across the line. But I like it. It's good. The A to Z of New Zealand. This is where we phone every town in New Zealand. This is the way Jono likes to get around New Zealand. By making a phone call from a comfortable studio. Yeah, from a comfortable

air-conditioned radio studio. Yeah, we're phoning all 570 towns and cities in New Zealand one a day and many people ask, why? And I say, because we're desperate

to fill in airtime. And we started this thing and I want to see it out. And we're like, week three of this, we're going alphabetically to a different town or place or city

every day in New Zealand. What I really enjoy about this is, you know, we phone and find out about places that you didn't even know existed. And I'm sure once you visit them, you probably wish they didn't exist. But the main thing is we're calling them and we're finding out about them. And today, one you will be familiar with in the South Island. Should we go through, Producer Julia? Okay, we're going to leave it as a... Alexandra.

Alright. Morning, Alex. Furniture beds are us. Sammy speaking. Oh, hell of Sammy, is it? Yes. What's Jono and Ben from the hits? Welcome to the A to Z of New Zealand.

Are you kidding me? We are calling every town or city in New Zealand. We're doing one a day. There's 570 of them. And guess what, babe? What? It's going to take us two and a half years. You're 11th on the list.

Yeah, Alexandra. Oh, right. So tell us all about it. Don't hold back any details. Oh, about the business. Probably less about the business. I mean, I'm sure you've got great furniture and beds. We do.

We have great buys at the moment. But this isn't turning into an infomercial. Don't try and bamboozle us into a free infomercial. We're talking about the place, Alexandra. Yeah, it's a nice wee town. Great for... Boomers? No.

Yeah, it's a boomers paradise. You've got apricots. You've got wine. You've got trails you can go riding on bikes with. My mum, Jenny, would love it. Well, they're not all over 50 and that, you know. No, but the average age is 67. Yeah, well, I'm not.

Okay, well, so what do you like doing in Alexandria, apart from working at your wonderful place with specials? I like biking, eating out, lovely scenery, no traffic jams. Oh, that's good. Sounds like a boomer's paradise. You can't argue it. Leisure activities are free here. Oh, free, okay.

Well, it doesn't cost you anything to go to the river and have a fish and go water skiing and, you know, it's all on your doorstep. But it does cost you a lot in water skis and boats and fishing rods. Oh, we're a sharing community. There's usually a group of them. Oh, that's nice. Now, the weather. What are they claiming, Jono? Okay, now you claim

to be the hottest, coldest and driest place in New Zealand. I'd agree with that. Well, there's too many options. Just pick one. What's your favourite? Oh, hot. Yeah, okay. Well, let's agree with that. There's too many options. Just pick one. What's your favourite? Oh, hot. Yeah, okay.

Let's just say that. It's the hottest place. And how hot on average is it? In the middle of summer, it's regularly over 30. Okay. I guess it's hot. Could you say one of the hottest places in New Zealand? Yeah.

You guys have a big blossom festival, I understand. We do, yeah. The town gets flooded with visitors and everyone has a great day and there's music and the kids love it. Blossom Queen they also look for? Yes. Trying to find someone who's crowned Blossom Queen? I don't think I'd make Blossom Queen. Well, I would crown you as our Blossom Queen.

Okay. And Benedict Cumberbatch came to stay, Ben, research. Yeah, and Kristen crown you as our Blossom Queen. Okay. And Benedict Cumberbatch came to stay, Ben, research. Oh, yeah, and Kristen Dunst. Yes, yes, he did. I didn't get to see him, though, but the rumour was around town, for sure. Oh, yeah, yeah, Kristen Dunst and Benedict Cumberbatch were there early in

the year, apparently, filming in Alexandra. Yes, yeah, and of course we got Sam Neill. Oh, does he live there? Do you see him? Now and again, yep. What do you say to him? G'day, yeah. And, of course, we've got Sam Neill. Oh, does he live there? Do you see him? Now and again, yep. What do you say to him? G'day, Sam.

Oh, that's good. Well, you wouldn't go, hello, Dave, would you? No, no. Well, thank you for telling us about Alexandra. It sounds like a boomer's paradise. Okay. All right. Hey, see you.

Have a great day. Rightio. Bye. Start your day the wrong way. It's Jono and Ben on the hits. It's by thewhatsupby.co.nz. All right. Well, I tell you what, producer Julie Edison, she brings us all the latest celebrity news.

She's like an e-news presenter minus the Botox and million dollar salary. Exactly. So, Joe Exotic, and this probably doesn't surprise you, back in 2016, he attended a Trump campaign and paid $1,000 to meet and greet Donald Trump himself. Wow. You wouldn't get two more confusing hairstyles in the same room at the same time.

Oh my gosh, that's so true. A hairdresser's nightmare. A lot of stuff going on there. A lot of fake tan, a lot of colours, flamboyant clothes. You paid $500 for Bieber, though. Yeah, I mean, who would pay that money to meet the idol? Go on. But you were disappointed.

Yeah, I was a bit. I would feel like if someone's paid to meet you, you'd put on some form of a... Actually, to be honest, back then when I met him, I wasn't disappointed because I was like, it's okay okay it's fine it's Justin Bieber like I'll forgive him

and you went to the concert you had good tickets to the concert so you've got to say a proportion of that $500 was to go to a concert and get great seats exactly

now looking back I was like so you're probably paying what $200 for the disappointing meet and greet yes exactly $300 was on good

concert tickets a friend of ours paid to meet Oprah Winfrey when Oprah Winfrey came And just started uncontrollably sobbing and crying in front of Oprah What was Oprah like? She said she was great She got embraced by her ample bosom

And had a big hug with Oprah Oprah wrapped her arms around her And she was like She said it was amazing Because Oprah did a talk afterwards She was here in Auckland And she had said to her what her job was and as she was

listing jobs off later she pointed at her when she listened. You know because you work in blah blah blah. And she's like oh

my God Oprah remembered that I worked in that industry. Yes she remembered because I paid her 1500 bucks. She's someone

whispering in my ear. And shows and gigs are slowly coming back to New Zealand now that we're in level two.

So a bunch of musicians and comedians like Isla Carlson, Ray O'Leary, and then singer Holly Smith are doing gigs towards the end of May. Up to 100 people, of course, and they'll limit it at 100 people, but that's good. They're slowly coming and it'll probably be social distanced again.

That's cool. Noah gave us any credit when we had that social distancing TV show a few years ago. That's right, we'd only have three people turn up and we had to bolster it all with fake laughter. People watching at home with sparse as well too, you know, that way social distance for the, no one gave us any credit. We announced the other day they were hosting that dog show on Dog Almighty on TVNZ2 very shortly and there was serious discussion during lockdown about how they were going to fill the audience

and they were talking about cardboard cutouts of dogs. Dogs, yeah. Yeah, I was like, you're underestimating how much cardboard cutouts cost. They're expensive. True.

Like, you're going to have three quarters of the budget on cardboard cutouts. For more spy, you can head to thehits.co.nz. Want more Jono and Ben? You can wake up with the boys weekdays from six on The Hits For more spy, you can head to thehits.co.nz.