Jono, Ben & Megan - The Podcast - May 21 - Nano Girl, We Hacked The New Zealand Herald, The A To Z Of New Zealand

Episode Date: May 21, 2020

We've hacked The New Zealand Herald I went to a bar and...We've been challenged to rap a kids storybookJono has been accused of murdering a turtleSpyThe A To Z Of New ZealandNano Girl called inBen is so cheap!Sync AnsweringBig News Small TownControversial CalloutsScrolling Through Your FeedRude AwakeningSpySee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Just when you thought you couldn't get enough of Jono and Ben, you can have them anywhere, anytime. Welcome to the Jono and Ben podcast. Welcome to the podcast on your Thursday, or as we're starting to call it now, Little Friday. Little Friday, yes, this is the Jono and Ben podcast, number one on iHeartRadio charts. It's not. And I've always like, I'm like, what do we talk about in these intros, Ben? You know, we sort of meander our way through, don't we? We're just filling in time before you get to the stuff that we actually worked on.

I don't know why we do these. It's like, get to the stuff that we thought was okay, but no, no, we'll just have an unprepared bit at the start. Yeah, a bit of a name banter to begin with, but I want some structure to this. Okay? So I've Googled best podcast conversation starters. Yeah. So I thought we could cover off one of these.

Give some advice. What's your advice? Maybe just get straight to the podcast and not do like a quirky little chat at the start. How's that? That's advice. That's passive aggressive. That's my advice. My advice is it's a hack that I actually mentioned on the show today.

A lot of people not wanting to touch buttons on FPOS terminals at the moment. Just swipe your card and then use the corner of your card to push touch buttons on FPOS terminals at the moment. Just swipe your card and then use the corner of your card to push all the buttons. That's a good hack. That's some advice. Tomorrow we'll get on to some recommendations. There's another good podcast conversation starting. We'll get to that tomorrow. It's a fun show today.

Find out how we almost got kicked out of a hotel in Las Vegas. Yeah, very dark. Dark, dark story. We did some dark, dark stuff in Vegas. As well as that, speaking of hacks, the cheapest thing that someone has ever done, that happens today on the show. All that and more.

Enjoy the podcast. The Songy Corn Flakes of Radio. It's Jono and Ben on the hits. Now, we've been here for a couple of weeks, and I keep saying I'm loving it. Thank you. Having so much fun. Loving it.

But I am loving it. North Korean style propaganda as his life could be ended at any moment if he steps out of line. But I am loving it. Now we are in a building here at The Hits surrounded by other radio stations. You've got your Fletchers,

your Vaughans, your Megans at ZM. You've got your Matthews and your Jeremys at the Hauraki. Yeah. Mike Hoskins is upstairs. You know, you've got the New Zealand Herald is also upstairs as well. The publication, the print publication, you can get them online as well.

There's something that's bugged you about the Herald for many years. Well, I'm not bugging. Something you'll notice if you go to nzherald.co.nz is some of the articles are premium. Yeah, I mean, that's just their way to try and save journalism, Ben. So if you weren't such a tight ass, maybe you'd pay the mere $2.50 a week to have access to those premium articles and keep the journalism industry alive in New Zealand. Or maybe I could try this other way,

this other workaround is to ring up the journalists who wrote the article and see if they could describe what the article was all about to us. So if you haven't seen it before, for the premium articles, you usually get the first three or four lines, then the screen sort of fades out and it's like, if you want the rest, subscribe to premium.

It's only $2.50, it's a bargain. It's a bargain. And I know internationally, that's what they do, the Guardian, the Sydney Morning Herald, everyone does it, but Ben refuses to, so this is a very convoluted way of getting around reading the articles. Yeah, so a friend of the show, Scotty Stevenson, he's written

an article about New Zealand, domestic travel, the place we call home, you know, about going well, I guess it's about going around New Zealand I don't know, I've just read the headline and the first sentence. What was the first sentence? The first reply was a picture of a young girl running on a dark sand beach in the late afternoon sun. Oh, good set up. And that's it.

Great set up. So you don't know what the rest of the article I don't know what the reply was about, anything. So we'll give Scotty a call and see if he can describe the article to us. So your workaround is to phone the journalist who wrote it, the reporter who wrote it, and get them to explain the article to you so you don't have to pay for premium. Yeah. I really should just pay for premium. Hello?

Scotty Stevenson. It's Jono and Ben calling from the Hits. Told you never to call me again. Oh, you did actually. That was the last thing you did. I promise this is the last time. We just get a quick question. Now, Scotty, can I distance myself from this?

Ben Boyce, you know what a world-renowned tight ass he is. Tightest ass in media, we say. Yeah, old moth pockets himself. Well, look, I just wanted to know what your thoughts were on New Zealand domestic travel, if you could just describe your thoughts. Do you know what he's trying to do, Scotty? He's trying to read your article on the Herald website,

but it's premium. But he's too tight to pay for premium. So I'm trying to get around it by calling you to describe it to me. You know, that's the company you work for. You should be subscribing to the paper. This is what I said to him. Support journalism. Alright, okay. I can understand.

Ben, for you I'll screenshot it, just paragraph by paragraph. Or if you like, I'll read it to you like a bedtime story tonight. Before you hit the stack at 5.30pm. There you go. You got around paying the $2.50. Oh, now I feel better.

Okay, I'm signing up for premium. Supporting local journalism, it's a great thing to do, so get it to the Herald. And you can read the full articles, not just the first sentence. What has this turned into an infomercial now? You made me feel bad. This is how you're getting your news these days, boys. You're reading the first sentence of every news story

and feeling informed. This is not how it works. You've got to get past the fold. You don't have Dylan Cleaver's number? Apparently Super Rugby New Zealand is going to go off like a wet skyrocket. I don't know why. I'll tell you what, after I've finished my bedtime reading for you, you can get into Cleaver's investigative reporting as well.

Okay, that'd be great. I don't know why it's got to be a dud, but apparently I've got the first sentence. Down the hallway is just a line of journalists waiting to read stories to Ben as he lays in bed. It's probably a line of executives ready to fire Ben. Damn it, all right. I'm signing up for premium. Scotty, love your work, mate, and we promise to never call you again. Love your work, boys.

See you, Scotty. Remember to double pump the virgals. It's Jono and Ben on the hits. You've got Jono and Ben on a Thursday, or as we like to call it now, a little Friday, and around the country after 58 days, they're open again. Bars and restaurants, well, bars and clubs are open again. Finally, we can go back to publicly binge drinking,

the backbone of this nation. Well, in a way, because they're still kind of, you've still got to be separated. You've still got to kind of be sitting down and there's no dancing. There's no dance floors. You can dance from a seat. Well So you can dance from a seat. Well, you can dance from a seat

like a bloody elderly person in a retirement village on a Wednesday morning workout. That's the New Zealand way. You know, it's like when you're at a concert and they're like, standing ovation. People are like, oh, look, I'll clap from a seat. But, you know, it's a lot easier to get up. Well, there was a brief moment last week

where they were tossing up the idea of tables going up and dancing one by one. So then all the attention would be, all the focus would be on you on the dance floor, which sounds terrifying. That'd be my worst nightmare. Table number 36. Oh, no, please don't.

Please don't. Everyone's like, oh, let's see how this guy goes. I got a feeling that tonight's going to be, I can imagine Ben doing it there with your little hips and your hands. All right, guys. Well, here we go. This guy goes, I got a feeling that tonight's going to be. And I can imagine Ben doing it there with your little hips and your hands. All right, guys. Well, here we go. So the bars are open again.

So we wanted to play a wee thing with you guys this morning and get your calls on 0800 THE HITS. I was at a bar and dot, dot, dot. And then you just fill in the blanks. So whatever you were at a bar at one time, whatever happened to you? Like a story we know from someone. She was in a bar and this song came on. And you know, Teo Cruz, you've got to throw your hands up in the air when the song comes on, right? When Teo Cruz says throw your hands up in the air, you lift your hand, you raise your armpits.

So this person we know raised her arms to the song and put her hand through the ceiling fan that was going around in the bar and basically injured her fingers quite badly. Had to go to A&E. But, you know. He needed a little disclaimer in his hook there, didn't he? Like, right, I'm going to check for surrounding, you know, the surrounding areas, make sure there's not any objects that, you know.

So I was at a bar and dot, dot, dot. We were in Hamilton, actually, and we met a wonderful guy. He was, he was sculling a bear. But then in the bear was his prosthetic eye, his false eye at the bottom of the glass. So he sculled the whole bear. And then some sort of bogan dynamo, the eye ended up in between his teeth,

and he's like going, ah. And then he popped it back in. He popped it back in. He popped it back in. He's like, you want to give it a go? I was like, no thanks. I don't want to drink your eye.

This was even before Corona was a thing. Even, you know, but you're like, maybe I'll pass on the eyeball drink. Yeah, very impressive though.

Seems like a lot of rules go out the window in a bar. You know, a lot of social rules. particularly at that place, they put down sawdust, didn't they? Yeah,

they did. I think we went to go up on stage because we were emceeing something and I went to walk up the stairs and there was a couple just casually fornicating

on the stairs and I said oh sorry I'm just trying to and they said he goes hold on mate won't be long

hold on mate won't be long You're interrupting I was in the wrong I was like can you see what you're doing and it was so casual it was just so casual So I was in the wrong Can you see what you're doing It was so casual So I was at a bar and dot dot dot

Surely producer Juliet you would have a million Oh yes there's been plenty There was one time I was at a bar Fell over onto broken glass And then like six months later there was still glass In my knee had to get the glass taken out I still have issues with my knee I can't really kneel on it

And it happened two years ago I've probably got so many stories I need to think of them during the song in my knee, had to get the glass taken out. I still have issues with my knee. I can't really kneel on it. And that happened two years ago. Oh, God, I've probably got so many stories. I need to think of them during the song. And I love it when you're like, I can't kneel anymore. As if, like, kneeling is... I'm going to church because of that. Mainly because she's hungover. I was at a bar in dot, dot, dot.

Love to get your calls this morning. 0800, the hits is the phone number. 0800 843 4487. Hey, we love your calls this morning. 0800, the hits is the phone number. 0800 843 4487. Hey, we love your calls, don't we? 4487 on the text too. I was in a bar and you just finished the sentence. That's your best bar story. Who did you see?

What happened? Anything that happened in the bar, we'd love to hear from you. Yeah, Juliet, a friend of yours in Christchurch. Yes, so he was going out with the boys and he didn't get let into the bar but his friends did. The boys did. The boys got let into the bar

and he, in his drunken state, was like, well, this can't happen. So he ran around the back and somehow climbed the roof. Anyway, 20 minutes later or however long, his friends just see him in the bar just sprinting for the door. Turns out he'd climbed the roof, fell through, like, out the back,

and got into the club. What, fell through like a skylight or something for the roof? Fell through, I don't know, some part of the roof. I don't really know the story too well. And then the cops, they called the cops, and then the cops were just chasing him out the bar. And then they had no idea. They just saw his friend getting chased through the bar by the cops.

Later on, found out that he'd climbed the roof, fell through, and that's what happened. Gee, that is, I like that logic too when one of your friends can't get in and you're like, oh, we'll just go around the corner, swap shirts, and you come back with a new shirt. As if like, no, it's a completely different person. Oh my gosh, I did that at the Christmas party last year. And the bouncers, you know, they haven't been drinking,

they're sober, they haven't been, you know, they haven't been drinking. They're sober. They haven't been drinking. They're like, come on, guys. You're like, oh, no, no, no. That was the other one. Look at us. No, it's a new guy in a new shirt. What are you talking about, that other guy?

I don't even know what you're talking about. I don't like going to bars. I'm not a very social person. You know this, Ben. Well, you are in your art. You're an unusual type. We haven't got time to get into that now. But, I mean, the only reason I hang out with you guys

Is because I'm contractually obliged But I was at a stag do And stag do's terrify me And halfway through it I was like I need to get out of here And I was like oh well the only way out Because the door was blocked by the people in the stag party So I was like well the only way out is the window

So I climbed out the window But what I didn't realise is it was a Two, three storey building So then I was hanging I was hanging, well, the only way out is the window. So I climbed out the window, but what I didn't realise is it was a two-, three-storey building. So then I was hanging. I was hanging off the window like an orangutan, you know, a confused orangutan at the zoo. And then I looked over to the right, and then I was over the courtyard where the rest of the stag was,

and they were just looking up going, what are you doing? I just panic-dropped into a bush and ran off. Martin is on the phone right now. Martin on 0800 The Hits. I was in a bar and... A group of women walked in, a hen's night, and one of them proceeded to just suddenly lean over, take her underwear off, throw it at the barman

and scream out, your next. Wow. Was this for a dare or what? What do you mean you're next? You need to wash them or you need to what? I don't know The barman looked a bit afraid They must see some stuff

Oh the bartenders They're the real essential workers They're the real heroes we should pay tribute to Thank you for your call Martin No worries Serving bowls of lols for breakfast Actual lols may not be served It's Jono and Ben on the hits So we've initiated a challenge Thank you for your call, Martin. Don't worry. Serving bowls of lollies for breakfast. Actual lollies may not be served.

It's Jono and Ben on the hits. So we've been issued a challenge to wrap a children's book by Adam, who hosts the breakfast show, the hits breakfast show, on the Hawke's Bay, Adam and Megan. He did it with the Gruffalo. A mouse took a stroll through the deep dark wood. A fox saw the mouse and the mouse looked good. Where are you going to, little brown mouse?

Come and have lunch in my underground house. Very good. He's very good. He's very good. So he's like, I'm going to give you two schmucks till Friday to come up with your one. So the rap game has changed. It's nappies because now we're rapping children's books. That's right. So we've been all week with your guys' help trying to decide on a book. We wanted a New Zealand book, and the Wonky Donkey was one that was voted the favourite. Yeah, our rap group was going to be the Wonky Honkies.

And we spoke to the author of the Wonky Donkey, Craig Smith, to get his permission to turn his book into a rap. Do we have your blessing to try and produce your story? Look, I tell you what, anyone who wants to use my stuff to turn it into something fun, go for it. That's what I say. So he was supportive, but he said it was going to be difficult because the book is a cumulative, so it just keeps starting back and adding more and more and more, which he thought was going to be hard for rapping. Oh, it's a hard rhyme scheme at the end.

There's lots of hanky-tonky, winky-wonky, all that stuff that just keeps going and going and going. And we went to the recording studio yesterday to try and lay down a track. And Dr. J and Ben and Em hit the studio. And, you know, there were some issues with our flow, wasn't there? We were getting frustrated. He was a spanky, hanky, panky, cranky, stinky, dinky, lanky, honky, tonky, winky, tonky. I can't do it. He was a spanky, hanky, panky, cranky, stinky, dinky, lanky, honky, tonky, winky, wonky, tonky. Sorry. He was a spanky, hanky, panky, cranky, stinky, dinky, lanky, honky, tonky, winky, wonky, tonky.

Sorry. He was a spanky, hanky, panky, cranky, stinky, dinky, lanky, hanky, tonky, winky, donky, donky. I can't do it. So then I was like, well, maybe it's a song and maybe it's you. I was like, give me a go. It's probably definitely more me. He was a spanky, hanky, cranky, cranky, stinky, dinky, honky. Take two.

Okay, here we go. He was a spanky, hanky, cranky, stinky, dinky. He was a spanky, hanky, cranky, cranky, stinky, d He was a spunky, hacky, cracky, cracky, ticky, ticky, laggy, honky, ticky, winky, wonky time. So, yeah. I imagine this is what happens to Drake. You know, this is all part of the recording process. Drake, Drake.

Oh, hold on. Take two. Take two. I'm sure Drake has his speed bumps, doesn't he, when he's recording songs. So now we're at a crisis point, aren't we? We are. We've got till tomorrow to come up with a children's book rap,

and I'm out of ideas. I don't think we can do Wonky Donkey. I just don't think we can do the book justice. You know, that's the last thing we want. You want to pull out of the Wonky Donkey? I think so. I think for the good of Craig and the book, it's much luck. For the good of Craig and rap music?

Yeah, I think we need to pull out of it. We can't have that. You heard that, right? You heard what we just played? It wasn't good. No, no, it wasn't good. No, no, okay. That was the best of our two-hour recording session.

We literally have 24 hours to come up with a new children's book and a new rap. If you have any suggestions, 4487. It has also just been confirmed that Savage, acclaimed international recording artist and hip-hop artist, Savage is going to be judging. Yes. Which is great.

Yeah, that's great. This is great. We added him into the mix just for a bit of credibility. And we've got 24 hours to pull this thing together. It's a shambles. Yeah, it is. Okay. I just thought of our great rap group name,

The Benjo Strings. The Benjo. The Benjo. Well, maybe for a countryings. The Benjo. The Benjo. Well, maybe for a country music. The Benjo. That would be great. Maybe we'll do a country music battle next. That's next week.

That might be more in our sweet spot. Eggs for breakfast. It's Jono and Ben on the hits. We're getting a lot of suggestions in. Thank you for your text on 4487 for our children's book that we need to turn into a rap song. A lot of people suggesting the Harry McClary series. Yeah, someone's saying, why don't you just

rap like the guy from The Streets? You know how he, remember The Streets? Oh, vague. Dry your eyes, mate. He would like talk in rhymes, sort of. So I guess it's just slow rap, just talk. Yeah, that's probably our wheelhouse. Well, we see what panicked children's

book and rap we come up with in 24 hours. And also, big news today, if you've just woken up this morning, Todd Muller and Nikki Kaye are the two that are challenging Simon Bridges for the National Party. And we're like, who the heck is this Todd Muller? And the only thing I could find out that I may remember him from was when Chloe Swalberg in Parliament said this to him. Okay, boomer.

Oh, he was the OK boomer guy. You never saw him. No, you never saw him. He went world famous. But you neveromer. Oh, he was the OK Boomer guy. You never saw him. No, you never saw him. So he was the OK Boomer guy. He went world famous. But you never saw him. So he was the guy. Maybe that's his campaign.

I was the OK Boomer guy. Never heard of me. OK Boomer, he could maybe run on that. I thought they'd be putting bloody old... Luxon? Yeah, Luxon Ford, the former Air New Zealand boss, because he's in the National Party now. You'd think in these economic times that they'd like to go,

hey, look at this guy. He ran a company. Pull us out of the doldrums. Yeah, well, I think it's more just people volunteering to take on bridges. I don't know if it's the party going, hey, we need to... Can we throw a hat in the ring?

Can anyone? Can anyone? Is it just like a free-for-all, is it? It may be. Barry from the coffee cart can have a crack. Barry would be good, actually. Yeah, Barry would be good. He's got some great views.

Now, I've been accused of murder. My daughter says I've been murdering turtles, murdering sea turtles, because I use Glad Wrap. Oh, yeah. So every time I go to wrap a sandwich, she's like, you've just murdered a turtle. I'm like, what? If I was wrapping the sandwich with a spare gun

or a deep-sea fishing net, then maybe. But yeah, the plastic's bad, it ends up in the ocean. Yeah, that's the thing. The kids are onto this thing now. I know. Gladwrap's got some serious PR issues if they're being labelled turtle murderers. So yeah, that's what I keep getting.

There was a bear in Fiji, I remember, when I was over there on a holiday once, the Vono Bear or whatever, and their thing was giving back to save the turtles. Or every bear you bought, they gave a certain amount of money. And I remember these Australians at the bar going, we're going to be saving the turtles. And another bear, we've saved more turtles.

So they were the opposite end of the thing. The more drunker they got, they thought they were saving more turtles. But if you're going to take out any of the AOC animals, the turtle's probably low-hanging fruit. Well, you don't want to. They're cute. It's slow. I mean, they're cute.

They're cute. But I don't think any turtle's ever been glad-wrapped to death. Surely. No, but they get stuck in the thing. It doesn't, you know... How much glad-wrap are we throwing in the ocean? Well, who knows? Who knows? We shouldn't be throwing glad-wrap in the ocean. We shouldn't be using glad-wrap. That's probably the thing that they're trying to say.

Yeah, I know. Because every time you wrap a sandwich, a turtle dies. That's my message. The kids are really hot on this thing now. Our kids are... I know, we've panicked the children into the fact that we're ruining the world. A couple of months ago, like propaganda at our house, on the door there was a sign that one of the kids had made going, you're destroying the earth, stop cutting down trees.

And I was like, great, great message to get out there, but you'd written it on paper. And you had 15 drafts. And I was like, guys, come on. This is on paper. It's a great message, but I was like, guys, come on. This is on paper. It's a great message, but it's like, yeah, so. If anything, you should write it on dirt on the wall. Yeah, that's what I thought.

Yeah, if you really want to save the environment. There we go. But we've done some good stuff to the environment over the last eight weeks, haven't we, with lockdown, so we can go back to destroying it now. This is wonderful. Maybe not. Want more Jono and Ben?

You can catch up with the boys anytime. Just search Jono and Ben on Facebook. Now, a lot of countries around the world more Jono and Ben? You can catch up with the boys anytime. Just search Jono and Ben on Facebook. Now, a lot of countries around the world, Jono, yeah, they're economic... What's the word? Crisis? Crisis, yeah, that's the word. This is why you'll never make it onto Newstalk ZB.

Welcome, Newstalk ZB 758. Now, a lot of countries around the world are in that economic... What's the word? 1880, 1080, what's that word? What's the word? Oh, 880, 1080. What's that word? What's the word? But France. So someone's recommended that France, the country, to get out of the economic...

What's the word? What's the word? To sell the Mona Lisa. Oh, really? That's a suggestion you made. To who, though? To another country. So another country.

Because it's a massive thing. Many tourists go to the Louvre every year to see the Mona Lisa. And it was worth millions, maybe even billions of dollars. So they're like, we'll sell it to another country. You get this tourist attraction and we get to go out of the economic, what's the word? You know, so yeah,

it's not a bad tour though. It's a smart plan, like Te Papa could buy it. Yeah. Yeah, it's like a huge waste of money if you ask me. But we've got the Mona Lisa, people come to New Zealand. Imagine Jacinda going out there and going, hey, sorry, we've got no economic package for anyone struggling in Jaws, but we got the Mona Lisa, people come to New Zealand. Imagine Jacinda going out there and going, hey sorry we've got no economic package for anyone struggling in Jaws but we bought the Mona Lisa. That's a plus.

Put it on Trade Me, we'll see. Dollar Reserve, see how it goes. Buy the WhatsApp by doco.nz. Joined by producer Jew, Millennial Juliet. Hello. Mill Jew for spy updates. So many nicknames. Lorde has given an update on some new music.

So she was originally writing an album, but then her dog died, and she was grieving so hard from her dog dying that she put the thing on pause. Great pun. Great pun. What was the pun? The pause.

Oh, my gosh, I get it. It was not even planned as well, Juliette. Amazing, amazing. But now that she started creating music in December and she felt like she was on a roll and then the world shut down, she's like, oh gosh, well, it's basically on hold again. But she's given an update to her fans saying it's coming,

but just be patient because she wants to release the best work that she's done. So hopefully we... I felt like a lot of pressure on Lorde. Gosh, yeah. She's the backbone of our economy. And I mean, she couldn't release an album at a more perfect time to pull us out of this. Yeah, it's true. Economic what's-its-name, whatever this name. Whatever this thing is, yeah. She's the backbone of our economy, and I mean, she couldn't release an album at a more perfect time to pull us out of this.

Yeah, it's true. Economic what's-its-name, whatever-this-name. Whatever-this-thing-is, yeah. Yeah, so that's great. Remember, you've got her name tattooed on. She tattooed her name onto Ben. Yeah, that was one of the first things I learnt about you, Ben, that you had Lorde tattooed on you next to your daughter's name.

I've got my daughter's names in Lorde. It's like your third and oldest, most successful daughter. Yeah, she's doing great, guys. The other two will never reach her lofty heights. That was at the Music Awards. That's right. And we were showering backstage, and all I could think about in the shower was how many...

Not Lord. No, no, not Lord. Me was showering backstage. You made it your segway quite quickly. I'm sorry. Ben and me were showering backstage. Yeah, yeah. We didn't invite Lord.

And all I could think about is how many famous hairs would be down that drain. Yeah, yeah. Lord was, we didn't invite Lord. And all I can think about is how many famous hairs would be down that drain. Yeah. True. I was like. The dressing rooms of people that,

and you see the pictures on the wall of all the people that have been there for Justin Bieber. Oh my goodness, true. Katy Perry, you know, like the Foo Fight.

Everyone's been there. I almost shoved my tweezers down there to see what I could get to put on, sell online. Yeah. That's what goes on

in Jono's brain. And Sarah Jessica Parker and Matthew Broderick have celebrated 23 years married. And that's longer than I've been alive. Even after all the sex she had in that city. They made it through that rocky patch. We talked about Matthew Broderick in the Zoomathon, didn't we? The 24-hour Zoomathon.

He was a question when we played the quiz, the pub quiz, with the guy from The Chase, Sean Wallace. And I got the... There was a picture of a muddled up face. And I was like, Matthew Broderick, I don't know where it came from in my brain, but I got it. And I was talking at the weekend to a mate, and I was like, I was, you know, kind of gloating

because we did quite well against Sean Wallace. We only lost by three, yeah. From The Chase. And he was like, you know how we were doing the whole thing about testing the delay with people, and we were doing the clap, and how everyone was way delayed? He was in England.

And we were getting the questions, so my mate was like, man, he had a delay. You know you weren't that smart. Damn. Oh, yeah, of course. Reality check. Yeah, so it was a real humbling experience.

I was like, damn, put us on the chase. Fly me to England and I will win a million dollars on the chase. That's how I feel. Yeah, I was like, this guy's not, yeah. But in the end, he won, even with a delay. Yeah, false hope there. Well, happy anniversary to Matthew Broderick

and Sarah Jessica Parker. Everyone's like, she looks like a horse. That's so mean, hey? She doesn't look like a horse. Well, if you look at anyone, anyone looks like an animal.

Ben looks like a beaver. Yeah, thank you. Do you? I look like one of those weird hairless cats that you see from Europe. A naked mole rat?

Yeah. A what? A naked mole rat. I look like a mole rat. A naked mole rat? A what? A naked mole rat. A naked mole rat. That's more you. Just like a chocolate milkshake, only white and disappointing. It's Jono and Ben on the hits.

This is New Zealand's Breakfast. It's really a pleasure to have you joining us, so thank you so much. And we thought if we are New Zealand's Breakfast or we're going out there callously claiming we are New Zealand's Breakfast, that we need to call all 570 towns and cities in New Zealand one a day. It's going to take us two and a half years. Today, we head 20 kilometres southwest of Dunedin. It's on State Highway 1, a town called Allenton, and we're on hold right now at the tractor dealership.

Say what you want about Allenton But they do not Scrimp on their whole music Yeah, I like it Amy, Jono and Ben from The Hits Welcome This is the A to Z of New Zealand You sound confused

Yeah, maybe We're phoning every town and city in New Zealand There You sound confused. Yeah. Yeah, maybe. Yep, right. Well, we're phoning every town and city in New Zealand. There's 570 of them. Allenton is number 12 on the list alphabetically. Welcome to the A to Z of New Zealand. Right. Sorry, I built that up.

I thought she was going to be a bit... Yeah, there was a bit of a letdown, eh? You're like, right. I can lead you in again in just a bit more of a reaction. So this is going to take us two and a half years to call through every town and city in New Zealand in again in just a bit more of a reaction. So this is going to take us two and a half years to call through every town and city in New Zealand. This is the A to Z of New Zealand.

Cool. Okay, all right. I guess this is the best we're going to get. So now we're ringing, well, you are the person that just picked at random to talk about Allenton.

Well, yeah, I don't know. You got me at work, so obviously there's a couple of businesses out this way, tractors. Yeah, there's two tractor businesses and I couldn't find any other businesses there. Apparently the school shut down, the honey shop shut down. I don't know, I've never brought honey from there, so I wouldn't know to be fair.

That's probably why it shut down. Yeah, no, you've got nothing else there, but you've got two tractor diggerships, which seems like maybe the market's a little flooded in Allentown. Does everyone there own-tractor? Pretty much, yeah. It's pretty rural, like lots of dairy farmers and shit, couple of contractors. Lots of dairy farmers and shit.

I love Allenton. Right, and how many people live in Allenton? Oh, shit. Oh, probably 50, 60, I don't know. Under 100 anyway. Yeah, great. Great. I'll tell you what they don't care about in Allenton, swearing. Oh, sorry. Yeah, no, we don't know, under 100 anyway. Yeah, great. Great. I'll tell you what they don't care about in Arlington, swearing.

Oh, sorry. Yeah, no, we don't actually. Now, who's the local character in Arlington? Character? Mm. Well, we don't, there's no me or there's no one out here, so character. What is it? Why is it in place?

Yeah. Oh, shit. It's got two tractor stores. That's why it's in place. Just to bring you up to speed, your S-bomb counter now sitting at three. Oh, you're lucky that that's all it is. Is that it?

It's just the two, I don't mean that in a bad way, so it's just the two tractor stores. There's no way, where would you go for lunch or is there a dairy or is there anything like that? Or out trim,

so you've got about a 10-minute drive. Right, so if you want to get a packet of cigarettes, you want to get a glass of milk or anything like that, you've got to drive 10 minutes up the road. Yeah, you're shit out of luck. There you go, therefore. She's on a roll. Can I just say, I'm always in the market for cigarettes or milk. A glass of milk.

He doesn't even drink milk. I don't even smoke or drink milk like that, but anyway, there you go. You might. Do you smoke and drink milk? No, no, no, no. Okay, well, we want go. You might. Do you smoke and drink milk? No. No, no, no. We drink beer. Okay, well, we want to play a little game with you because Allenton doesn't sound like we've got much else to talk about. So we're going to use one of our favourite clips from the internet

and we'd like you to join in, okay? Oh, God, okay. You just follow this. Ellen! Ellen! Ellen! Ellen. Ellen!

Ellen! Ellen! Ellen! Ellen! Ellen! Ellen! Ellen! Ellen! Ellen! Ellen! Ellen! Ellen! Ellen! Ellen!

You haven't seen the quirky clip of the people voicing over the meerkats with, Ellen! Ellen! No. Ellen! Ellen! Ellen! Ellen! Ellen!

Ellen! Ellen! Ellen! Ellen! Ellen! We thought it would go off in Allenton, but anyway. Clearly not. Yeah, there's a bit of a letdown too. Let me guess, are we shit out of luck?

Yeah, we're shit out of luck. Oh, you're a great sport, you have a great day and stay safe in Allenton. Will do. Alright, thanks for the call. Hey, you've got toothpaste on the side of your mouth. It's Jono and Ben on my heads. Now it's been a week since New Zealand has gone into Level 2,

and we've done a pretty good job navigating our way through this whole coronavirus thing. And every week on the show, we like to get an expert's opinion. We talk science with Dr. Michelle Dickinson-Nanogill. How's it going? You're on Zoom? Yeah, how are you guys? We're doing all right. Last week, we spoke to you. We're in the middle of our, well, we almost went 24 hours of non-stop Zooming.

I think we feel a bit better now. You guys survived. Well done. That was massive too. I apologise for anything we may have said in the moment. I can't remember any of it. I think we put oranges in a... Oh, we put floated oranges.

Yeah, that was really interesting. Not that interesting apparently. Did you know it was quite interesting because the orange skin acts as like a life check. She knows that. Oh, look, you're remembering. I do remember. It's a really weird thing. I don't know if you know much from a scientific point of view about sleep deprivation.

Like, it did feel like we'd had a big night out, you know, and we were just piecing things together over the last week. And we obviously didn't drink at all. We just stayed awake. That's why it's used as torture, you know. Like scientifically, sleep deprivation is amazing for torturing people. So you basically just tortured each other for 24 hours. How many hours sleep do you need to get a night? Because we're getting about six, but it feels like two hours less than we should be. Yeah, so that's definitely a genetic thing. So some people are predisposed to sleeping a lot and some aren't.

It also depends on how old you are. So during your teenage years, actually you need way more sleep than you do when you're older. Oh, so it's not just lazy teenagers. That's actually something that you need to do for your body. Definitely, because it's your peak growth period. It's where your pituitary gland

is making a whole bunch of hormones as you go through puberty. So yeah, sleep is really important when you're a teenager. I used to go to a guy with a gym. I used to go to a guy with a gym. See, I haven't had the full eight hours, Michelle. I used to go to this guy at the gym. He would be like, I only slept for an hour and a half last night.

But he was fine. Yeah, he wasn't. Maybe on the outside he thought he was, but on the inside he was crying. Yeah, he had a rampant meth addiction, clearly. And Dr. Michelle Dickerson, I saw you on 7 Sharp the other night. You were talking about this new contract tracing thing that the government has introduced. Yeah, so that's interesting. Contract tracing, you know, is really important for how we're going to sort of survive in Level 2

and get through to Level 1, which is basically if we do have transmission of the virus, the whole goal is to lock it down as quickly as possible and make sure anybody who was exposed, anybody infectious goes back into quarantine. And the easiest way to do that is with a contact tracing system. That can be an app, that can be a piece of paper. And so the government has released an app,

which people are starting to download and it does a couple of things. It sort of helps you check into businesses and starts the government's process of figuring out what we do here in a digital path. Talking to Michelle off air just before the interview, I asked Michelle, has she been out yet? Still not.

Oh, have you not yet? Oh, we're still only at level two and I don't know where people have been so I'm just quite happy on my own here. Well, that's the thing. It feels like New Zealand, we're like, oh, that corona thing, we're past that now. As a country, everyone's just quickly slipped back

into the old ways. So is there a chance we could go backwards if we're not careful? Yeah, definitely. And so I'm waiting for the science. So we know that there's a five to 10 sort of day incubation period. So I'm going to wait 10 days from where we were let out at level two, and I'm going to see what happens with the world. And then if it's still not out there, then I'll think about venturing out. But I'm basically just doing a science experiment on the rest of you. So please go outside.

Oh, right. So yeah, she's waiting for all us to go and die outside while you're in the safety of your laboratory. Michelle Dickinson, Nano Girl with us. So what, for argument's sake, if, say in Te Awamuru, someone has coronavirus and it gets out there, would the government just shut down that particular area or would they more than likely take us back to level three? Look, it's going to depend on a lot of things.

It's going to depend on, first of all, where that person got their infection from. So do they bring it from a different region? It's going to depend on how much that person has been out. Like if they were a courier delivery person, then we would probably lock down a bigger region than maybe if they were in a retirement home, for example, where we know exactly where they've been and who they've been exposed to. So the government has the potential to either lock down regions again or lock down the whole country.

And that's why contact tracing is so important because then we know who that infected person has been exposed to and how far that exposure has gone. There's something like 96% of the people that had it in New Zealand, I think I read the other day, have recovered. Is there a chance that we could eliminate the virus entirely or is that just kind of physically not possible? Oh, it's definitely physically possible.

And if you look at SARS, they were able to totally eradicate SARS. And so in terms of the borders, when did you think it would be a safe time to open up the borders? Would it be when the whole world is COVID free? Look, no, I don't think the whole world is going to be COVID free for several years. So we can't afford to do that. I think we need to have partnerships with countries that we know also have great contact tracing and have been able to control it in the same way that New Zealand has and that we do have outbreaks, we know where they are. So I think we're going to have partner countries that we

might be able to travel to and from where there won't be a quarantine period. And then we are going to have to open our borders at some point, but we may have open borders with quarantine, meaning that if we don't know where you've come from or where you've been or you're not with a partner country, if you do come to New Zealand, you are probably going to have to be tested

and locked down for a period of time. So border opening is going to be quite restricted. Oh, it's all very interesting. You just know so much. I could talk to you for hours. It's been lovely talking to you again, Michelle Dickinson. Thank you so much for your time. I really do appreciate it.

You do wonderful things for science and you have a great week. See you later. New Zealand's breakfast. Just don't eat them. They're chewy. It's Jono and don't eat them. They're chewy. It's John Owen Battle the Hits. Now, of course, the world is struggling to get back to normal after COVID-19. It's still going on overseas. Horrible stuff going

on overseas. And Las Vegas is planning to try and open within the next month. Because it's been shut. It's just a ghost town at the moment. Oh, there's nothing. No casinos are open. Wow. I love Las Vegas. It's big, fake and regrettable. It sums up America, isn't it?

If Las Vegas were a body part, it would be a giant pair of butt implants. So this reporter I was reading online last night, really interesting, got to walk through one of the casinos and said how weird it was just with all the poking machines off, no one around. This place would normally be packed and there's no one there. But they

were saying they're going to open it up, hopefully, in in a month or two and there's lots of rules as there would be with social distancing less people on the tables even like if you're playing cards the the person dealing the cards the dealer has to give you hand sanitizer in between each hand because obviously you're holding cards that other people are holding some of the casinos are saying oh you've got to wear masks, everyone. Oh, and even the customers. Yeah, the customers, the dealers and all that sort of stuff. And yeah, so it's going to be a totally different Vegas to what you know.

And on a town that is built historically on viruses and catching them. I mean, this is going to really stamp it. You can't stand around someone's shoulder and watch them play. You know, you won't be able to do that. You can't congregate at a table. In fact, there's less people at a table now because of it.

So, yeah, it won't be the same Vegas for many years. We went there for work one time, Juju. I was only there for a couple of days being to myself and we bumped into these two Kiwi guys. That's right. And they had been there. Have you been? Yes.

Have you? You've been to Vegas? Yeah. They were there for three weeks. Oh, my goodness. It's a 48-hour town at best. Oh, yeah. They were like the walking dead.

That's so funny. They were just like, they came to America. I think they were from Hamilton, weren't they? And they were like, oh, we'll get there and we'll just go to Vegas

for two weeks. Oh my goodness. That was all they saw of America and they were just broken individuals. They would have been. They'd been eaten up and spat out by a pokey machine. They were like,

save us. They were almost like crying, weren't they? Yeah. I could see into their eyes. They were like, just take me home to mum. I've done some bad things.

And then that night, do you remember Dan? Our old producer Dan, he's a lovely man, Dan. He came with us on the trip. And that evening, we were playing craps, the game where you throw the dice on the table. Yeah, because we'd never played it before.

It's not in New Zealand, so we're like, oh, we'll give this a go. And it's quite a communal game. Everyone's standing around the table. It's about 20, 30 people. You're all cheering because when you throw the dice, you're helping other people win. So if it's a good hand, everyone's like, hey, this is great. Yeah, and so Dan was up and he would throw the dice a couple of times,

but he hadn't reached the back of the table. Right. So the lady was like, oh, sweetheart, you've got to hit the back of the table. And. So the lady was like, oh, sweetheart, you gotta hit the back of the table. And he's like, okay, okay. And dad's uncoordinated at the best of times. He is.

He is. And so he threw the dice as hard as he could. One dice hit the back of the table, but then the other dice careered off in slow motion, but it was travelling

at 120 k's an hour into the biggest dude's face. This is like if Arnie and The Rock had a baby. This would be the guy. This guy was massive. He was seven foot face. This was like if Arnie and The Rock had a baby. This would be the guy. This guy was massive. He was seven foot tall. He was enormous.

And it hit his face, bounced off his face onto the table and rolled onto the number. And everyone was like, yeah. And everyone went silent because the guy's like, what kind of man throws a dice at another man's face? And I was like, good question. It was an animal. And his face started bleeding.

The guy's face started bleeding. No, seriously. This is a true story. And poor Dan. Poor Dan was just like. I was crying with laughter. I had to hide. an animal and his face started bleeding the guy's face started bleeding no seriously this is a true story and poor Dan poor Dan was just like I was crying with laughter I had to hide my tears were all over

he got out $20 he was like yeah I'll give you $20 and the guy's like I'm a professional footballer because he had like Pittsburgh or something on his t-shirt

I was like I don't need your money I don't need your money I'm a pro bowler and ironically we were playing craps because Dan was crapsing his pants

the whole time and then in the end I think the guy got like free drinks and he got, because if you make a scene over there everyone's so nervous about getting sued that they sorted him out. Dan had to be taken away by security. He got his photo taken Dan, he got his photo taken and security took down his details because basically

in case it was an insurance incident. So let this be a message to you Juliet, Heidi, our producer and producer Humphrey, on our next work trip, you need to step this up to impress us. You need to kill a man. It's the only way we can beat that story.

Come out with some dice. We will be unhinged. Morning, it's Jono and Ben on the hits. Now, 0800 the hits, that's our phone number. You can call us at any stage. I want to know the cheapest thing you've done. Because I was talking to my friend a few weeks back, and this was, you know,

John, you give me some grief about being tight. Tightest arse in radio. Metaphorically and literally, that's what I like to say. Wandering around the office, everyone's like, there's a tight arse. You can pat it and you couldn't get a coin out of it, even if you wanted to. Well, this thing my friend did, I think, was next level.

Even for me, this is next level. So he got sent a package from his family in the UK. So it arrived around Christmas time. It was all Christmas gifts for him and his kids and all that sort of stuff as well. So they opened up the bag that came in, got the presents out, and then he was like, well, hang on, I've got to send presents back to the UK that they already had.

Which would be costly. Yeah. International mail. So he put those presents back inside the pack that he got sent. The packaging, the bag, and then just wrote not at this address, return to sender. Put it back at the post shop.

To get the free postage back. Oh wow. It's morally so wrong. Why is it morally wrong? Because you've just got free. You've lied. That DHL, no one should stiff DHL international couriers. What are you, stealing from the poor? I'm morally wrong, but fiscally so right, isn't it?

So right. Oh, you would have liked that as a tight ask. Oh, I did. You appreciated it. Ben always complains if we go out for dinner. He always complains I eat it. I order too much. I hate.

Oh, that's a conversation for another day. But the whole, oh, we'll just all pay. We'll split the bills. I'm on your side Ben yes let's just pay what we got for if you want to have 19 Heineken's

and I want to have 2 then you should pay for 19 Heineken's it was 17 Heineken's and then he got angry because I ordered a steak that was designed for 4 people

the guy's like really you're going to order that you're like yep okay I was like oh we better not be one of these

split the bills situations and it was. You know it is. And it ruins your meal. You're sitting there going, it's going to be a split bill. Anyway, and sometimes

a band and my wife will go, well, we'll go get to deal with some friends. It's going to be a split bill. I don't know if I want to go out.

It's going to be one of those split bill occasions. This is what winds them up. Like, if I want to give a $200 steak like John I had, then that's fine.

I'll pay for it. But this is the thing. I won't. When I go out with them now, that's my mission, to just order as much stuff, even if I'm there for the whole table. Oh, we'll all just get some breads and dips at the table,

will we? Oh, okay. So good. What's the tightest thing you've done, Mildred? I'm quite wound up. Sorry, guys. I'm wound up by that, too. so good what's the tightest thing you've done Mildred quite well done sorry guys I'm wound up by that too I mean it's probably

nothing really to compare but I mean I'm probably a little bit guilty of doing it now still but to make the most of any product in a tube

like toothpaste or tomato paste in a tube if I'm at the end of it instead of kind of trying to squeeze it all out I'll just cut it in half and you would be surprised

how much is still left there in the corner. So, you know, if it's toothpaste, I'll just dip my toothpaste in there, get the rest of it out because why am I paying for one brush too early? Well, that's going deep. That's going deep. Tightest thing I do is I rip off the self-service checkout at the supermarket. Oh, you're one of those.

It's an honesty policy and I mean, if you can beat the system, why wouldn't you? Scan a bloody expensive piece of produce through as a bit of lettuce or something. Oh, you're one of the host people, are you? Oh, mate, I'm doing all sorts there. I'm doing all sorts there. Every time I walk out, I'm like, it's going to beep. It's going to scan me.

Security's going to grab me by the shoulder. But I get away with it every time. Oh, she's 11. Hi, Stephen. Okay, so 0800 the hits. That's our phone number. The cheapest thing that you've done. I like these ways.

These are ways you can save some money. I don't like Jono so much. I like the juice of Julie. Thank you. I'm out tight-ass, guys. 4487 is our text. What's the cheapest thing you've ever done? We'll get to those next.

Alex, welcome, Alex. Good to have you on New Zealand's Breakfast. The cheapest thing you've done, matey. So my son went through a phase of only wanting to eat those sandwiches that you buy at the servo, like in the packaging. And I got sick of buying them at like $4.50 a sandwich. So I actually saved the packaging and I just like make ham sandwiches at home and cut them in half and kind of like sellotape them back into the packaging.

Genius. That's good. That's a great idea. Do you mind screwed your son? It saved me a ton of money. You're like, there he is. This is from the servo. That's good. That's a great idea. Do you mind screwed your son? It saved me a ton of money. You're like, there he is. This is from the server.

There you go. And did he call you out on it? No, never knew. Not once. Because I always make his lunch before, like, when he goes to bed for the next morning.

Great play. Great play. I like that. Yeah, well, yeah. You imagine, like, that's like 20, 30 bucks a week on sandwiches. Oh, that's good.

And that's a lot of money on sandwiches. I mean, Ben even tried to walk into Subway once with his own sandwich. Just put the stuff in here. Just, you know, just put it in here. You know, he takes his own popcorn to the movies. You might appreciate that, Alex. I totally take my own popcorn to the movies.

And you know what? Like, honestly, in all honesty, like, we all go to the supermarket and buy, like, you know, those little bags of lollies for, like, $2. You know, the Ellen's ones. Slip them in your handbag and just take them in for the kids. Like, nobody checks them anymore.

You're not going to spend like $10 on like movie, you know, like lollies and popcorn. I'm with you, Alex. I'm with you. My wife refuses to go to the movies

with me if I bring my own popcorn, but Alex, maybe you and I can one day go to the movies. Oh, absolutely. I would totally love that. I thought you were going to go,

did you just ask her out on a date? A married man? I'm married. I'm sure you're married as well. You've got kids. Oh, absolutely. I would totally love that. I thought you were going to go, did you just ask her out on a date? A married man? I'm married. I'm sure you're married as well. You've got kids. Anyway. Is this adultery live on the radio? It's just to enjoy popcorn that we've brought in together.

Anyway, I'll take that back. It was purely a platonic popcorn-based relationship. That sounded weird, Alex. I'm sorry. I made that weird. That is okay. It's totally fine. Hold there. Ben will get your details afterwards.

No, it's not. Actually, I'll take that back. Welcome, Bruno and Hamilton. Good to have you on the air with us. Bruno, cheapest... Thanks, Bruno. Hang up. No, that's all right.

I would hang up too. I wouldn't want to be part of this either. I might ask you out on a date. It's getting weird. Emma, I apologise if Ben tries to hit on you, but welcome to the show. What's the cheapest thing you've done? Not me, but my mum used to water down the good old body tomato sauce.

When it was getting a bit low, top it up with a bit of water, make it last a bit longer. Wow, tighter than a duck's ass on ice. Love it. You never know, do you? Because you know a lot of it's made up with water anyway. Yeah, did you guys know? Yeah, but it's not.

It's just not the same. When their bread was soggy wet with water, they're like, what? Hey, thank you very much, Em. I appreciate that. In Pocono, home of the famous Pocono bacon. Nicole, welcome. Hi, thank you.

Do you like bacon? Yep. You'd have to living in Pocono. It's the backbone of Pocono, isn't it, the bacon? What's the cheapest thing you've done? I bought an iron, and within two months it packed up. So I just went and, I had lost the receipt.

So I just went and brought another one and then took the packed up one back with the receipt of the new one. Is that fraud? I don't know. It's a fine line. It's in its warranty. It's for the course to decide.

It's not the course to decide. Thank you, Nicole. Friend of ours, a friend of my wife actually, she would go into a, so if she was going out Friday, Saturday night, whatever, would go into her favourite shop, buy an item, wear it out that night,

don't take the tag off, and then return it the next day and go, sorry, not for me. Had a revolving wardrobe of the latest duds. You'd have to be so careful on the night out though, wouldn't you? Don't spill anything on this. We'd do that with the TV show.

We're going to rebel sport and buy All Blacks jerseys for a sketch, like 15 All Blacks jerseys. And then our poor production assistant would have to go back the next day and go, oh, all these 15 jerseys, they just weren't for me. They didn't fit or something.

Oh yeah. There we go. Well, that's a great way to rip off businesses. Yeah, well, maybe we should support more businesses. How about that? Want more Jono and Ben? You can catch up with the boys anytime. Just search Jono and Ben on Instagram.

Great to have you with us. Synchronise answers. That's right. Where Ben and myself are asked a question by Miljoo, our millennial producer Juliet, and we have to answer the same thing at the same time after three seconds. If we don't do it then Jules

who's on the phone from Kaipoi wins a double pass to the movies. Oh yeah. Yeah, thanks to Reading Cinemas for this prize right now

that we hope we don't have to give away. Yeah, now Jules. It's alright, I'll bring my own popcorn as well guys. I like it. Ben Boyce just submitted

on public radio he brings his own popcorn to the movies and then wonderful caller agreed with you and then you asked her out on a date well no I said we could, yeah no it was weird I take it back I'm recently married but you know the offer's better hands off Ben, hands off Jules

okay I'm working with a sleaze pit over here it came out wrong anyway HR's going to have a field day with you after the show, buddy. All right. Okay, Jules. Here is our first category.

Take it away, Juliet. Name for me an ice cream flavour. For me, what I say is strawberry. Oh, my goodness. Did you just do it again? We did it. We did it again. Jules, I'm sorry.

Damn it. Wow. My head, what did you? I went chocolate, strawberry. I was like vanilla, chocolate. Yeah. Oh, Ben,'m sorry. Damn it. Wow. My head, what did you... I was like vanilla. We're so in sync. We're so in sync. We're more in sync than Justin Timberlake. There we go. That's how it works. We just say a thing

and we don't normally do that. No. I want to keep playing. It's fun. Should we give Jules one more chance? I feel like we've taken the tickets off here. Name for me an all black. Richie McCool! Oh my God! We should be best friends forever.

Wow. We're giving you no US movie tickets, Jules. It's gone into the minus. Hold the line, we're going to get our scrutiny to talk to you. Oh my God. More painful than your alarm clock. It's Jodo and Ben on the line. We're going to get our scrutineers to talk to you. Oh, my God. More painful than your alarm clock. It's Jono and Ben on the hits. The bars opened up back up today, bars and clubs.

Oh, yeah, you're going to go out, mate? I mean, not tonight. You're a social being, aren't you? A Friday night. Friday night, going out. Booked a table somewhere. We go. Just the locals, supporting local, mate.

Oh, good on you. Yeah. You're getting money back. Is it just a rotation policy with the table or do you have like a time limit on the table? Yeah, I'm not sure how long you've got there. I think there is still some separated stuff happening and going on for good reasons.

Always awkward when the waiter comes up and asks you to leave. You're like, well, you've had your everything. No, you're just being a nuisance now. When they're stacking up chairs around you, you're like, all right, guys, it's time to go. Big news. Small town. That's right, guys, it's time to go. Big news. Small town. That's right.

There's a story from New Zealand. It's really one of these only in New Zealand stories. It's made international news. A sheep has been kidnapped. Now, this is down south. Now, police were forced to intervene after a woman held a sheep, forget this, ransom. Great, great pun. While the world crumbles down around us,

we focus on a kidnapped sheep here in Ngāti Aroa. So it seems like a bit of dispute went on over something at the neighbours, between the lady and her neighbour, and she kept the sheep for ransom, and social media are having a field day with it. And so many good puns, like, you aren't even kidding.

Wonder what the ramifications will be. That's good, that's clever. What a dag someone else wrote, and I like this one. I don't think she's telling us everything. They're trying to pull the wool over our eyes. That's very good. If you're going to kidnap anything and try and extort money from someone, take a family member. Not a sheep.

This is at the lighter end of this. If anything else, like, well, the sheep's going to cost you a lot of money to maintain. You can have the sheep. We want to know more about the story because on the surface it seems very funny. It's made international news, so we thought we might go through to the source. Straight to the source, to the senior sergeant who's in charge of the investigation, Craig Dennison, joins us on the phone. Welcome this morning, Craig.

How's it going? We're doing well, doing well. Now, this is, in terms of crime in New Zealand, it doesn't get any worse than this, does it? Oh, definitely not. Well, do you know the thing is, Ben and I started writing a movie, and this was the plot line. Yeah.

That we kidnapped New Zealand's most famous sheep. Freak. I think it was James Cameron. We thought James Cameron would have had a sheep that he was training up for a film, and we had kidnapped it. Oh, fair enough. Only you boys would think of that.

So now we're going to look like we've just copied this idea. But we liked the headline better for our movie title. Yeah, Ransom. Yeah, classic, isn't it? It was really good. So the sheep has been recovered now, all safe and sound? Yep, yep. He'd pop next door to see the girls in the paddock next door, so understandable.

He's come back home to look after himself. Now, so what happened? How did the sheep get kidnapped? Oh, just a bit of a disagreement, really, between two neighbours, and the sheep had gone next door and the neighbour wasn't releasing them. Oh, right.

And they ran back. So you could see the sheep at all times? It wasn't like it was bundled up in the back of a van or anything like that. No, no, it wasn't duct taped or muffled or anything like that at all. Oh, so was there like a ransom letter that was handed over?

No, no, just words exchanged. Oh, we just got click baited. We did. We got click baited. I thought the sheep had been taken and there was like one of those sort of Al-Qaeda type of videos of like bring the sheep and balaclavas. Liam Neeson.

You're calling like Liam Neeson going, I don't know who you are, I don't know what you're, you know, that sort of moment. I know where you live, I'll find you. Yeah, that's right. Yeah, that's right. And then you put your four best men on the job, they spent weeks, you're undercover.

No, no, it was a bit of a ramshackle fence that he got through. Sheep wasn't being handed back until money was handed over. So I suppose, to a degree, it was a, I'm not going to give it back until you give me some money. Right, OK, and so was the money handed over? Let's just say an agreement was made. And did you have to act as the neutral party?

Yeah, police did. We negotiated the safe return. Out of all the things you've done in your career, you know, obviously you're a senior sergeant now. Is this one of the more unusual? It's one of the more unusual ones I've definitely had to visit, that's for sure. I always wonder

about the police force. Is it like the dream of the police force to make it on Police 10-7? For some. For some. For some. Others are like getting on those dancing viral videos, right? Is that your bag? Yeah, exactly. It depends on where you want to take your career. I always wonder what the Police 10-7

stuff, you're like, oh, this is my time to shine as a cop. I'd be doing all sorts of stuff. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And some do. Hey, listen, thank you very much for your time. Thank you for telling us the truth of this story. Now, you know, what I have learned is probably we should read beyond the first paragraph of the story. Far less exciting than the headline made it out to be.

But thank you so much for your time, Craig. No worries, you boys. See you, mate. Not a morning person? Sadly, neither of these two. It's Jono and Ben on the hits. I like pineapple on pizza. I like the ads that pop up on YouTube.

Kiwi onion dip tastes like crap. Controversial call-outs. This is controversial call-outs, but you never answered my question. How's the drive-through? Have you not done any... Oh, no, it's a separate thing. It's like at Alexandra Park, you know, like it's a big car park where they're going to put it on a screen outside so you can park in a...

That's full of caravans at the moment. Remember I was saying that it was the place full of caravans at the moment. Remember I was saying that was the place full of caravans? I assumed they were going to put all the coronavirus patients if it blew out. Well, maybe you can sit in the caravan

and watch a movie. Oh, wonderful. There you go. What a wonderful setting. There you go. This is a controversial call-out. We've both been in myself. We say something

that could be deemed controversial. Ben's thoughts on euthanasia, the death penalty, stuff like that. Strangely, he's pro for both. I'm not. It's just, yeah, anyway.

So we throw this out early in the morning because if we did it after 7 o'clock, the show would end. These are more light things than what you're talking about, Jono. You know, things that are a little bit unpopular, shall we say. You kick things off. Okay. Well, you know, there's a lot of talk about Tom Cruise into Scientology. People think that's a bit odd.

But Tom Cruise won me over in person once and I like Tom Cruise. Like, I find it hard to dislike Tom Cruise. I went to Jimmy Kimmel a few years ago with my wife and one of the guests,

because you don't know the guest until the day and I was like, oh, it's Tom Cruise. You know, I had that feeling and then they did a gag where he got given popcorn or something and then after he got the popcorn

and the ad break he went around everyone in the whole thing and shook everyone's hands said hello to them and the guy who was doing the MC thing in between stuff he's like no one has ever done that in the history of guests has gone around and said hello to everyone I was like what a good guy what's he hiding

he's overly nice He's like Taylor Swift What dark stuff Are you up to You just can't That's what makes me Suspicious about him He's always smiling

Like a psychopath I was looking this morning He's 57 I mean he looks good He looks fantastic Yeah And he's like a madman Have you seen the photo

Of him on top of The Burj Khalifa The tallest building In the world In Dubai Yes He's on a helicopter He's filming like Mission Impossible Over there He's like Take me over to there Madman, have you seen the photo of him on top of the Burj Khalifa, the tallest building in the world in Dubai? Yes. He's on a helicopter.

He's filming like Mission Impossible over there. He's like, take me over to there. I want to take a selfie on it. And he climbs out of the helicopter on top of the tiniest little pinpoint. He's sitting up there taking a selfie, eh? And he takes a selfie stick. It makes me sick looking at the photo. It does. Have you seen it, Producer Juliet?

I just Googled it. That is actually... It looks Photoshopped. Nah, nah. I don't believe that actually happened. But anyway, so I'm not going to... And he looks cool and casual on it like he's posing for a GQ magazine shoot.

So I find it hard because the whole Scientology thing, it weirds me out as well. I don't even know what it is. But I'm like, oh, he won me over. You're like Tom Cruise. That is controversial. He won me over.

Okay, here's my controversial opinion this morning. Controversial call out. Hot people don't have to work as hard. Would you agree with that? Is this why you say you're working twice as hard? Yeah, that's right. I go as like myself. We're here at the coalface battling away, rolling our sleeves.

I mean, if you and me went for the same gig, same, say, TV gig, you'd probably get it, Ben. Why? You're the hot one. Unless it was for a hair loss commercial, then I would get it. Well, maybe you could do the before and I could do the after. And I'm not saying as in I go that we should be, we should, you know, hate on the hot people because they can't help it. They've just got grey jeans, they're hot, and they deserve to get it.

Why are they having to work less hard? Because they're hot, and they deserve to get it. Why are they having to work less hard? Because they're hot. If a hot person and an ugly person honestly came for the same job to be interviewed by the same person, they're going to pick the hot person. Guarantee it. Guarantee it. Hot people don't have to work as hard. Why don't they pick them on their ability? That's what it all should matter, the ability to do the job.

No. It's the hotness. You know it is. Maybe if that ability was to bottle Calvin Klein underwear, then maybe you might have a point. And hot people are easier to forgive. It's easier to stay angry at an ugly person. So superficial. It is superficial, but I didn't set the rules.

I just call it like it is. Do you? Yeah. And everyone's like, oh, all humans are beautiful. They are. They're not. There's ugly ones and there's hot ones. And everyone's beautiful on the inside. No, they're not. Okay, well, someone's calling at 8 this morning.

Is it Chelsea from Wellington? Do you agree with the fact that hot people don't have to work as hard or Tom Cruise is a decent human being? I like him. I'm not saying he's decent. Tom Cruise is my favourite actor of all time. Like, he is just incredible. Mission Impossible, that's the best.

There you go. So many great movies. Top Gun, Jerry Maguire, a few good men. I mean, he's been in a lot of hits. Oh, Siri Cruz has just texted and said, I love him as well. I just haven't seen him in 15 years. I'm not saying he's the greatest person in the world.

I just say he won me over and he's a great actor. That's all. That's amazing. Who cares about how he is as a parent as long as he gave Ben some popcorn and shook his hand? That's all that matters in life. He's a good guy in his books. I was just saying he wasn't the over.

Anyway, I'm not going to be his witness, his character witness at a trial or anything. Oh, thank you, Chelsea. Hey, thanks for calling New Zealand's Breakfast. You have a wonderful day in the capital. Yeah, thank you. You guys too. See you, matey. Like starting your day without your morning coffee.

It's Jono and Ben on my heads. Scrolling through your feed. This is where we like to update you guys on what's been happening in the world over the last 24 hours. Yeah, we've looked through your feed so you don't have to scroll through people's pictures of their annoying kids. You know, we've got to the good stories. And this is a wonderful

heartwarming story from Hamilton. Yeah, it's pretty fun. And you can tell because the tone of my voice has changed. But a guy lost his job at the beginning of lockdown, very sadly in Hamilton. His wife was a hard-working essential worker on the front line.

And he was like, well, he didn't know how they were going to get any money. And he won Lotto. $10.3 million. That's awesome, eh? So good. And so his wife got home from a big shift, and he was sitting creepily at the dining table with an envelope.

He said, you should open that envelope. And he had cut out the article from the Waikato Times that said Hamilton person wins first division Lotto. She's like, why have you cut this out, you idiot? And he's like why have you cut this out you idiot and he's like because it's us you idiot I don't know if idiot

was used this is a bit of ad-libbing and so yeah isn't that beautiful well deserved brought a tear to my eye last night

and mainly because I had conjunctivitis last night my eyes were quite weepy but it was a lovely story it was an awesome story I found it interesting when we were talking

speaking at lotto the other day in our zoom when we were talking, speaking at Lotto the other day in our Zoomathon, we were Zooming Sonia Gray, who's the host of Lotto. She was backstage at TVNZ and she was saying they have two ball machines set up and they basically toss a coin before the Lotto draw to see which one they're going to use. Yeah. So it's all

just... So there's two sacks, isn't there? They keep them in two sacks, the two ball sacks. They're in a machine. Oh, they're in a machine. I know what you're doing here. There are two machines,, isn't there? They keep them in two sacks, the two ball sacks. No, they're not. They're in a machine. Oh, they're in a machine. I know what you're doing here. There are two machines. They toss a coin. She said it.

You were there. There was no mention of sacks. I thought it was sacks. I know what you're doing. I was pretty sure. No, absolutely not. No, they're two machines. They're machines.

And they toss a coin and then they decide which machine they want to bring out. It was quite early on, but anyway. No, it is quite interesting. And the scrutineers from Audit New Zealand. No one is allowed to touch the balls. No. And if you do, you've got to wear gloves. That's true.

That part is true. Sometimes you have to pick apart your stories and go, what is actually truth and what is not? At the end of the day, a guy in Hamilton won $10 million. That's true. So that's great. Yeah, well done. And what would be the first thing you buy if day, a guy in Hamilton won $10 million. That's true. So that's great. Yeah, well done. And what would be

the first thing you buy if you won a lotto? I don't know. I think something boring like trying to pay off your mortgage and look after your family and stuff.

I'd give the money to charity. Here we go. No, you wouldn't. You would not. So you'd buy some stuff for yourself and I would give money

to charity. Okay. Okay. You see where our personalities lie. Welcome to the hits. The generous one and the other guy. All right, moving on.

Are we moving on from this? Yeah. And last story and scrolling through your feed. Congratulations to a 90-year-old Japanese lady who's become officially the world's oldest gamer. Now, you've got an exception to this. I do have an exception to this, because she's just holding a PlayStation remote at age 90 years old.

You get to a certain age in life where you're like, well, you can be the world's oldest anything. Well done, you're the world's oldest person holding a spatula. The world's oldest person to have a bath. You stand on a skateboard, you're the world's oldest skateboarder. I get it. You know, and just because you're old, shouldn't grant you direct entry into the Guinness World Records.

Should have. Wow. Old people just look like... Well, maybe she's good at gaming, though. Have you looked or you just got wound up by a photo? I just got wound up by a photo. She might be good at gaming. Probably not.

Prince, you know, I look at Prince Philip. And he's just like, every time you look at him he's just like, end it now. End it now. He probably wakes up every morning going, oh God, I've got to go through another one. I've got to do another day. Another 24. Because there's those stories where you hear from,

oh, world's oldest person, 123 years old. They're like, I've lived 30 years longer than any human being. My friends and family, they're well gone. Well gone. I'm still here. Yeah, it does get to that point. If I had the energy, I'd try and sort something out.

Well, enjoy the day while you can, all right, New Zealand? Start your day the wrong way. It's Jono and Ben on the hits. What's that? Oh, no. Shut up. Now what? Oh, it's Jono and Ben's rude awakening.

We are up early in the morning, and we like to get other people up as well. That's why we do the rude awakening. Thanks to Hell Pizza, hell.co.nz. We can get plant-based Toretto right now on any pizza. That's a wonderful pizza. Sounds really good. I think we tried that the other night when we were doing the Zoomathon. We did, actually.

Yeah, it was tasty. Yeah. I didn't know what we were eating, but it was very enjoyable. Joining us on the phone, we know where this place is because we were calling every town and city in New Zealand. From Ikamatoa, Michaela, welcome. Hi.

We phoned Ikamatoa for the A to Z of New Zealand. We're phoning every town and city in New Zealand. Yeah. Did you know that? Yeah, I heard that. And there was some controversy. Oh yeah, we upset some people, right? Yeah, Harrah's only 15 minutes south from here. No, we were meant to call Ahara, which was the first town on the list alphabetically, and then we phoned Ikematua and we said it was Ahara and...

Oh, people weren't happy. Even though you're just 15 minutes away, still separate places. And I apologize. Are we welcome in Ekematua? Or are our names mud? No. We won't get chased out of town with pitchforks? No, you can come visit anytime.

Oh, thank you, Michaela. Now, what are you doing? Why are you up so early, mate? I am a dairy farmer. Ah. Now, cows. How many cows can you milk in a day? A good number would be about 500. But put the cups on, it looks cow.

And is that like one in the morning and at night, 500 each time, or between the two sessions? Normally you do one in the morning, which is early in the morning, like five, whatever, and then at night time. Very unflattering for the cow, isn't it, just to have a cup slapped onto their teeth. And cold in the morning as well. Why do we have to do this so early too?

Why are you extracting this gunk from my body? Why do you do this to me every day? So we're going to phone your boyfriend, Casey. You're up, you're hating life, and you think that he should be hating life at the same time. We're going to ask him four pretty easy questions to win $40 worth of hell pizza, okay? Casey, a good boyfriend? Yeah.

Reliable? Yeah. Loving? Yeah, yeah. Generous? Yeah. Handsome? Yep.

All right. Oh, here he is. Morning. Yep Hello Oh here he is Morning I don't know why I sound like a farmer From Emmerdale Farm Morning Morning Top of the morning It's Jono and Ben calling

From the Hits radio station Oh God Oh God How's the sleep going? It was good Just having a run Alright well you're in the middle Of a live radio quiz.

You've got four questions. If you answer all four correct, you get some Hell Pizza. David Seymour is the leader of which party? A, Splore, B, Rhythm and Vines, or C, ACT? ACT. There's one for one. He's got $10 Hell Pizza. All right, next question.

Dick Frizzell is a famous New Zealand what? A, con artist, B, rap artist. C, artist. Oh, yeah. Artist? Well done. Well done. He's got two from two.

I don't know if we have a famous con artist. No. What is the name of Dr. Dre's company? A, prescriptions by Dr. Dre. B, beets by Dr. Dre. Or C, implants by Dr. Dre. Beets. Beets by Dr. Dre. $30 worth of hell pizza. B. Beats by Dr. Dre.

$30 worth of Hell Pizza. Final question. If I was doing planks, lunges and burpees, I would be doing what? A. Hating life. B. Working out. C. All of the above. All of the above. Hating life and working out.

Well done. $40 Hell Pizza coming your way for us obnoxiously waking up first thing in the morning. Sweet. Now, we've got Michaela on the phone. I'll figure that. Hi. Says you're a wonderful, generous boyfriend. Very caring, tender, handsome.

Yep. Yep. Anything you'd like to say about her? Oh, can I go back to sleep? No, fair enough. Wonderful compliment. Straight from the heart. Speaks for us all when he says that, Michaela. All right, you go back to say about her? Oh, can I go back to sleep? No, fair enough. Wonderful compliment. Straight from the heart. Speaks for us all

when he says that, Michaela. All right, you go back to sleep, buddy. We'll send you out there a whole pizza voucher, all right? See you, guys. See you, Michaela. See you. Want more Jono and Ben?

You can catch up with the boys anytime. Just search Jono and Ben on Facebook. Buy the WhatsApp by doco.invent. Producer Juliette just waiting for celebrities

to slip up so she can savagely pounce on them on the radio. Like Joe Exotic's legal team. So this is them. They've arrived

at the White House to try and get Donald Trump to release Joe Exotic from prison. And this is their elevator pitch to Donald Trump.

I'd say President Donald J. Trump, out of all presidents, you are the president that would understand when someone has had a hit job put against them, or they've been wrongly convicted, right? Or there's been an injustice to a person. My pitch to the president is please pardon, please pardon Joe Exotic. So they've literally driven this massive RV with Joe Exotic's face on it. I think it's a 23-hour drive from Texas to the White House.

Just going to park up outside and try to get Donald Trump's attention. It looks like the type of bus that'd be rented out on the weekends for stag do's. You know, the bus that you'd put poles inside. That's probably what it does Saturday night. You never want to turn the lights on properly in that thing. No, exactly. Some grim stuff has gone on in that bus But he's still, the lawyer Has still not got sleeves on

Oh really? He's still just wearing those cut off t-shirts Look at him Put some cowboy hat on I hope he puts some sleeves on when he goes to the White House You've got to look professional What do you think he wears to court? Wahe aow-dee.

Yee-haw. Sounds like your daughter. Mommy, where's my breakfast? Your daughter had a good American accent. Yeah, she's assumed the role of a redneck American. It's not a dropping character. She can help support Joe Exotic. For more spa, you can head to thehits.co.nz.

Want more Jono and Ben? You can wake up with the boys' weekdays from sex on The Hits. And via the iHeartRadio app.