Jono, Ben & Megan - The Podcast - November 16 - Tales From The Operating Theatre, Man Vs Child, Jono Got Stuck In The Loo...

Episode Date: November 15, 2020

Hello all! Hope you had a lovely weekend. Our producer Humphrey has locked in a guest for us to interview on Thursday and he is very happy with himself, says they are HUGE and have a monstrous career. But we don't know who it is yet, and neither do you. So, we played "Guess The Guest" and found out a little bit more about who they are with Producer Humphrey giving us yes & no answers. Jono also told us about how he had a public bathroom nightmare and it's not something you'd want to have happen to you! Finally, NCEA exams begin today for high school students so we played Man Vs. Child, where Jono takes on a kid with some questions, and today's kid smashed Jono!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Jono and Ben, new to your mornings. Friends of Skinny, New Zealand's most recommended telco. Happy, happy, happy, oh, oh. Just when you thought you couldn't get enough of Jono and Ben, you can have them anywhere, anytime. Welcome to the Jono and Ben podcast. Hello there, welcome to the podcast. The first podcast for the week, back at the bottom of the mountain, Ben,

which we slowly climb, slowly navigate our way up. Weekends go quick, don't they? Oh, they do. But I love them. What's your favourite time of the weekend out of Friday, Saturday, Sunday? Pick an exact moment. Look, I feel like,

I'm going to say this, but I wanted to say up front that I really do enjoy, I do enjoy my job. Like, it's a fun job and we're lucky to have it. But I do enjoy the moment on Friday when you leave work and you're like, that's the longest time away from work there's going to be.

There'll be no longer time away from work than Friday to Monday. At least of course we're working in the weekends, which happens from time to time. I love a Saturday morning. I'm going to say 9.30, 10. Beautiful day outside. You're like, ooh, this is a good moment in the weekend. That's probably my favourite moment in the weekend. But Friday, just after work for you, this is a good moment in the weekend. That's probably my favourite moments in the weekend. But Friday, just after work for you, that's

a good moment too. Well, yeah, just because you know that the work couldn't be any further away. But this is the furthest it's going to be away. The first footstep you take out of the building. This is it, guys! And then after that, it's like, ooh, no, it's the weekend, so it's going so fast. Slow down, slow down. Sunday Arvo, I'm like, slow down, slow down. Oh, Sunday

Arvo, there you get that feeling. I feel like the sort of feeling of like, oh, work in the morning. Hard to sleep on a Sunday night, I find. Yes, the Sunday evening's an interesting one, isn't it? I was up, as I said, during the show, during the broadcast. Weeding the lawn at all hours of the night. Spraying weeds on the lawn. I got only hung a weed, which I don't know if you've...

No, I don't know what it is. I didn't know what it was either until I showed a photo to a guy at Bunnings. He's like, mm-mm, that's Onehunga weed, my friend. I'm like, I don't know what that is. So anyway, spraying the lawn. You get the container and you... And so is it all sort of clumps throughout the lawn? It's everywhere.

It's riddled. It's because I mow it a lot, but I don't do much apart from that. You've got to take a lot of care of your lawn, don't you? And you're meant to weed spray it as well. I don't know these things. You put the bloody... I put the wrong oil or petrol in the lawnmower, whatever it's called.

But then you gave up on mowing lawns, you've just put down fake grass. Put fake grass there. Like the low rack. Like Dr. Seuss's The Low Racks. So good though. So good. Well, you've got no maintenance.

And it looks great. It does. All year round, it's like, oh, look, it looks like I just freshly cut it. No honey hung on weeds going on in my place. Is it astroturf? Is that what it is? It's turf, yeah. So does it feel like actual grass?

Oh, no. But it looks like nice lawns. It doesn't feel like. But it's nice. You lie down on it. It's nice. It keeps nice and warm. It gets a bit hot.

It gets a bit warm. Oh, does it get hot? Because it's a plant. Not like scoldering hot. But you're like, oh, this is nice. I've never felt hot grass before. Yeah, you lie down on the grass. It's nice, you lie down on it, it's nice, keeps nice and warm, gets a bit hot, gets a bit warm. Oh, does it get hot? Not like scoldering hot, but you're like, oh, this is nice. I've never felt hot grass before. Yeah, you lie down on the grass, it's nice. Yeah. And is it, so what if you fell over on it and scraped your knee or something?

Would it like rip your knees up? No, it's not as bad as when you used to play like AstroTurf for school or whatever. It was all that sand and stuff. The sand would get into your scar. No, it's nothing quite as bad as that. So yeah, it's good, I enjoy it. But hey, because I'm not a lawn mower, it's not my thing.

Yeah, no, but I mean, you've cut down, add up all the hours that you won't have to mow a lawn between now and the end of your life and you've done a great job there. Oh, I have, yeah. Well, I have.

Today on the show, very exciting because, well, we don't know, but there's apparently a big guest booked for this broadcast and we don't know who it is. Producer Humphrey's done all the heavy lifting on this,

but he won't tell us. No, so we had to guess today, and we still haven't got there. So if you want to guess, you can go to HitsBreakfast on Instagram if you get it right. Apparently there's a prize relating to that guest who we don't know. And we don't even know what the prize is. So it might be a high-end merch here, sir. Yeah. Relating to

the person. So you're trying to trail down now. I'm still trying to figure out who it is. Anyway, enjoy the podcast and have a wonderful Monday. Just remember that Friday will come

around soon. It will be, can't wait. The radio version of Morning Breath. It's Jono and Ben on the hits. We've got a big

celebrity guest on the show on Thursday. Producer Humphries is the only one who knows who it is. She's super famous, this guest. That's all we've

found out. And we need to guess the guest, don't we? Yeah, now previously on Jono and Ben, not but 45 minutes ago, Ben, you were throwing questions to producer Humphrey to try and figure out. He's set some format where he can only answer yes or no. He's really controlling this whole reveal, isn't he?

So yes or no questions. Okay, is it a male? No. Is it an international star? Like are we talking someone that is not from New Zealand, that's someone that is international overseas? Yes. Internationally acclaimed female star.

Yeah, so help us very shortly and if you get it correct, apparently there's a prize relating to this celebrity on 0800 The Hits. But my wife actually, I was thinking, played guess the guess in real life a few years ago. You know, celebrities, guessing celebrities sometimes can be always a little bit tricky. We're in Fiji holidaying, and there was these people getting a photo with a celebrity,

and she was like, oh my God, oh my God, can I get a photo too? Oh, you get swept up in the madness? Yeah, I know, sure you can. She's like, could you ask for me? I'm like, yeah, sweet. I'll go ask and go, oh, can my wife get a photo? And the guy's like, yeah, no worries, get a photo. And as we were talking there, it all went well. Textbook photo, my wife's like, oh my ask for me? I'm like, yeah, sweet. I'll go ask and go, can my wife get a photo? And the guy's like, yeah, no worries.

Get a photo. And as we were talking there, it all went well. Textbook photo. My wife's like, oh, my God, I love you. And he's like, oh, thank you very much. And so were you the photographer? Yeah, I took the photo. Took a good photo?

My wife's like, I love you. And he's like, thanks very much. She goes, I love your music. And you can tell he went, oh, OK. He's like, my music. She goes, yeah, yeah, you're Jack Johnson. He's like, oh. And I was like, he's Kelly Slater.

Oh, the surfer. She's like, oh, yeah, I love you too. And I was like, well, clearly you don't. Mind you, whether it was Kelly Slater or Jack Johnson, both would probably be happily confused for each other. Both are talented guys. Ben was pretty chill about it. Ben wanted to swim out on a surfboard and drown himself in the ocean.

How was the photo with Jack Johnson. Anyway, it was good. It was good, actually, until I reformatted the memory card a couple of days later and lost it. So that's another story for another time. Okay, 0800, that's the telephone number. It could be Kelly. Oh, no, it can't be because it's female. But 0800, that's Guess the Guest.

Thursday, they're on the show. We have no idea who it is. And Producer Humphrey is in to answer yes or no questions if you get some high-end merch, according to him, relating to the celebrity. This is a game that Producer Humphrey is sick. Some sort of sick and twisted game he's playing with us that we need to try and guess who this person is.

So you can fire... Are we still in this yes or no question? Still yes or no. Okay, how long does this go for? Is it a couple of days or...? Well, until you guess or until Thursday when we have the interview. Okay, how long does this go for? Is it a couple of days? Well, until you guess or until Thursday when we have the interview.

Okay, and if you nail it, what do they get? They get a very nice piece of high-end merchandise from said star's website. A very nice piece of merchandise. So what stars would have? It's a female.

You just said very nice and I was thinking it could be Borat. It might have been a clue but it's not Borat related. Juliet just said very nice and I was thinking it could be Borat. It might have been a clue, but it's... It's not Borat related. No. Juliet just read a meme.

What was your meme? I think it said the final curse of 2020 is that everyone starts doing Borat voices again. So we know our big guest, celebrity guest, the famous guest is a female, international, doesn't live in New Zealand,

someone that's international, not a New Zealander. Not a New Zealander. Not a Kardashian. Not a Kardashian. Not a, okay,ander. Not a New Zealander. Not a Kardashian. Not a Kardashian. But they have merchandise as well. Yeah. So this is Guess the Guest.

This is like sort of Guess Who. You play Guess Who lately? Not for a while. No. So if you could cast some stereotypes, I'll guess who, doesn't it? You don't want to ask questions that you shouldn't be asking. Oh, right. 2020, yeah, of course.

Does your character look like a nice person? Do they have eyes? Really drags out the game of guess who now. So let's go to the phones. Trina. Oh, hello, Jono, Ben. How are you, Trina? Always lovely to hear from you.

Oh, thank you so much. Listen, I have a thinking suspicion that your guess is no other than Madonna. Oh, is it Madonna, Trina? Sneaking suspicion. Whose emails have you been reading, Trina? Ricky Martin's. Ricky Martin's.

She tagged Ricky Martin's emails and she bangs. She bangs. Well, they're wrong because it's not Madonna. Not Madonna. Good guess, though. Good guess. I was happy it was because we really love her. Oh, good on you. She's great and she's Madonna, right? You go back to Ricky Martin's Gmail and have a great morning, okay, Trina? Oh, yeah, I will.

Absolutely. Love you. See you. Leslie, welcome from New Plymouth to New Zealand's Breakfast. Maureen, your question for Producer Humphrey. Guess the guest. Leslie. Oh, the guest. Leslie. Oh, we've lost Leslie. Okay, Tony, welcome to Capital this morning. Is it treating you well?

Yeah, it's going good. Oh, good on you, Tony. Okay, your question for Guess the Guest. This is easy. This is really easy. It's Elle Macpherson. It's not. It's not.

It's not Elle Macpherson. What? Oh, she's got the bend-on lingerie, of course. Can I rule out, like, Madonna? Is it a singer? Is it a singer? She's not known for her singing, no. She's not known for her singing, okay.

Is she known for her acting? Yes. Ooh! I feel like a couple of gossiping old people in the afternoon at the cafe. Would you want to narrow it down? I guess we're going to put it on social today, are we? Yeah, we'll put up a pixelated image. So people can continue to guess.

So people can continue to guess. All right. Not the images that Ben needs to pixelate that he sends to us. We thought you actually could require some pixelation. So, okay, guest to guest continues on Thursday. It's happening. What time Thursday? Eight o'clock.

Okay. Eight o'clock it is. You're very vague about this. I know. This is your new breakfast. Health Star rating still pending. It's Jorow and Ben on the hits. I left you on Friday.

We went and saw good friend Chris, didn't we? Yeah, we did. He's a lovely guy. And afterwards, Ben, I left and I was like, well, nature was calling. And, you know, when nature calls, that's a phone call that you have to answer. You can't do one of those automatic text replies to nature.

Sorry, can't talk, speak soon sort of thing. You have to answer that call. Right. So you're talking about, okay, quickly whip to the button. To the lavatory that call. Right. So you're talking about, okay, having to quickly whip to the button? To the lavatory, yeah. And so the nearest place I thought was the supermarket. There was a countdown sort of nearby,

so I was like, I'll dot into countdown, get in there and do what I need to do. And a guilt purchase as well. I always find that when I need to go into a petrol station on the fly or anything, you feel like, well, I've just used that. I should probably contribute in some way. It feels like some anything, it feels like, well, you know, I've just used that. I should probably contribute in some way.

It feels like some sort of transaction that needs to happen. You're right. I should contribute more than just fluids to this place. So, yeah, I did that. And I found it. It's always hard finding the toilet in the supermarket. It's never consistently in one spot. No, you're right. Sometimes in the front produce aisle.

This one, as it turned out, was in between meat and dairy. And I found it. I find that I never really knew there was toilets in supermarkets until you have kids. And then suddenly, you know, they're like, we need to find a toilet right now. And then you're like, oh, there's one here. And I mean, you never want to go to a supermarket toilet

or a petrol station toilet. That's not why you go there, right? No. And they're not. You know, these are the places I'd rather be. Anyway, found it and I noticed that when I slid the sliding door,

I was like, oh, the up and down latch lock. Oh, that's not working. Okay, so in this moment you have to make a decision. And I took the gamble. It was a race against time. I had to sort of go like the Usain Bolt of toilet stops because I knew at any moment it could open up

that's right and it did lovely lady she was probably in her 50s or 60s and she gave it the and I'm like and I was staring dead in the eyes

keep him up there, keep him up there, lady. Keep him up there. And it's sort of like, it was probably only three to five seconds, but it felt like five minutes staring into each other's eyes. And it's still going. I just can't turn the tap off. You want to sort of tap, hey.

Yeah, nothing more than to just turn it off. But I couldn't. And so, anyhow, she slams the door shut and as she slams it shut, I hear a click. So I was like,

oh, it must have locked. So I did wash my hands, blah, blah, blah, go to get out and now I'm locked inside the toilet. Oh,

so it locked locked. It locked locked. So I'm stuck in there. She's outside probably panicking or running. She probably never wants to go near the thing. And I'm stuck. Oh, I didn't have my phone. I left my phone in the car. I was like, I can stuck in there. She's outside probably panicking or running. She probably never wants to go near the thing.

And I'm stuck. Oh, I didn't have my phone. I left my phone in the car. I was like, I can't call Ben. I'm like, I'm going to die in the supermarket toilet. And my lasting memory is going to be a lady. I go, oh. And me going, oh, back.

It was not worth the risk. It was not worth the risk. So find the lock, people. That's my PSA this morning. Is find a lock and use that lock. Right. So you're saying if there was no lock on a bathroom, you'd think so?

Don't do it. Don't run the risk. Because then you end up getting locked in a bathroom for about 20 minutes. And I had to keep going, hello. You know when you're like knocking? Hello. And then she came back and she rescued me as well.

Oh, she did. Do you remember we used to have a bathroom office at TV3 that used to basically, if you locked it, that was it. You were locked in there. That's right. And so everyone would stop using the lock because you knew. But then new people would come work with us. And like one writer came in one day and like three hours later,

we're like, where's he gone? It was Corey. Corey Gonzalez. And he was too polite. He didn't want to make a fuss. So he just sat in the toilet for literally 19 minutes. Yeah. You do some good thinking alone in a bathroom, don't you?

Well, you do, yeah. You're alone with your thoughts. You're like, is this how it's going to end? Me in a bathroom right now. He died what he loved doing. Sitting in a bathroom, not making a fuss. Some people skip breakfast, the meal, and also this show. It's Jono and Ben on the Hits.

Students all around New Zealand are sitting the NCEA exams starting today. Some online, some not online. Some as real people sitting in real rooms. That's happening around the country. So good luck if you are sitting an exam today. Online would be great. You could probably cheat, couldn't you? You feel like there's a lot. We'll just trust

you to do this in your bedroom. Yeah. I couldn't trust myself to do that. I used to, we had a calculator that you could store answers in. So I did it. I stored all the answers but then I trust myself to do that. I used to, we had a calculator that you could store answers in. So I did it, I stored all the answers, but then I forgot how to retrieve them, so it actually served me no purpose. Up until then, I could just write boobies on it. You know, you could write that with your calculator.

Yeah, and flip it upside down, right? That was my greatest achievement with the calculator. But yeah, so what we're going to do today is a bit of a game to acknowledge NCEA. Man versus child. Today on the list, you've got level one, Tareo, level two, physics, level three, business studies, calculus, doing that for the scholarship. That's happening today at the NCEA. Yeah, that's what is actually happening.

So we thought, Jono, you should take on a child in a test. And you always moan about this. You know, oh, the child gets these. Oh, it's unfair. You're like, you give me really difficult ones and then I get easy ones and then it's a classic comedy trope of making me look like

a schmuck against a younger opponent. Okay. Alright then. Well, I will take, I'll swap it then. The questions I was going to ask you

and I was going to ask, I'll swap them around. Alright? How's that sound? So you'll get the kids' questions. Even the playing field. Okay. Okay.

Alright. I appreciate that. We'll see how we go. Thank you. Alright. Okay. Joining us on the phone right now, I think we've got Annie. Is that right?

Yes. How are you? Good, thanks. How are you guys? You sound, how old are you? I'm 12. Oh, 12 years. Okay.

You're a very old 12, old sounding 12 year old. You sound more mature than me. Okay, Annie, 12 years old. It's on. I will pull no punches, show no mercy. You've got the kids questions. All right, Jono. All right. So Okay, Annie, 12 years old. It's on. I will pull no punches. Show no mercy. You've got the kids' questions. All right, Jono.

All right, so, Jono, you go first. As you said, Tadeo is one of the exams taking place today. So, Jono, count to three in Māori. Tahi, rua, toru. Well done. Well done. There you go. Thank you.

One for one. Suck on that, Annie. Hey. Hey. Hey. Okay, Annie. Annie. Okay, Annie. Okay, this was the question I was going to ask, Jono. Please list for me the Māori

names for the North and South Islands of Aotearoa. The North Island is Te Eke o Māori, which means like the fish of Māori. Okay. The South is Te Wai Pounamu, which is the water of Green Sun

The water's of Green Sun? Okay, wow Granted Touché Okay, we both know some today We both know some I don't know if you would have got that But anyway, okay

One for one Okay, tight game Fair play Level two, physics this time We're going to go to Annie first Annie, this was the question I was going to ask Jono The adult question But anyway, we'll see how you go. Does the negative mass

of antimatter mean that it's gravitationally repelled from stars? Just an easy one for you. There's no negative mass. Our universe only comes in positive mass. Oh, she is good. She is good. She is good. She's good.

Well done. Okay, Jono, your question is just spell physics. Physics. P-H-Y-S-I-C-S. Thank you. Okay. There we go. One two from two.

Granted, I'm still in the game. Okay, and business studies is the final one. We're going level three. We're going business studies. Jono, name the show. This was the kids' question. Name the show Donald Trump used to host when he would search for... The Apprentice.

Bang. Okay, Annie. Oh, you don't brag like that. Mate, these are pretty softball questions. No pressure, Annie. Okay. But I'm winning currently. Three, two.

Okay, Annie, please indicate if the following is part of the current GDP. If so, indicate which component of GDP is impacted. Okay, so the question is, Philip, he pays a lawn care service $300 a month. Please explain that to do with the GDP. I don't do business, but this is, okay. It will increase GPD by $300 a month, which is $36,000 a year.

Okay, now I'm going to pull down the music, Juliet. Pull down the music. Wow. No, not wow. No, not wow. Can we just end on a wow? Not wow, because you've given her the answers. You've given her... She's laughing.

Annie's laughing. Producer Humphrey's like, oh, what are you talking about? Annie's appalled at this. Because you just said GPD when you were reading it. And it's GDP. Okay, Producer Humphrey was talking away during the song. What are you, Trump?

What are you, saying his friends? Yes. Joe Biden and Annie won fair and square, right? And that's the way it is. I refuse to accept this. Annie also flipped Georgia at the state as well, and the votes as well. She's responsible.

Hey, well done, Annie. Annie, no, no, well done. Yeah, well done. Well done. She read out some quite complex answers that I'd given to her before. Annie, we're going to give you a board game, beat the parents from Planet Fun,

as well as some Help Eats the Vouchers, all right? Who's to say? And I answered the questions honestly. Yours was the easy one. She just read answers. Oh, there we go. I answered all of your questions behind the phone. Hey, Annie, pull Annie down.

Pull Annie down. She's adorable. She's 12. But no, that's it. My win. Well done. That was a draw. Anyway, no one won.

And that is Man vs. Child. Good luck if you're sitting at exam today. Wake up and smell them. Actually, no, it was a draw. Anyway, no one won, and that is Man vs Child. Good luck if you're sitting at exam today. Wake up and smell them. Actually, no, please don't smell them. That's odd. It's Jono and Ben on the hits. Hey, what are your calls right now? I'd love it when your phone's through to the show.

Oh, 800, the hits. Tales from the operating theatre. Whether you're a nurse, doctor, whether you're a patient, just want all sorts of stories from the operating theatre. Maybe you were being operated on and they left an iPad in your intestines or something. I don't know. Or maybe it's something that happened afterwards as well

where you're still a little bit high on medication as well. Yeah. A friend of mine was a nurse at, you know, the White Cross and she, I don't know if I should tell this story at breakfast time, but I'm into it now. Oh, did I have to? Well, no, she lanced a cyst, and it went right into her forehead. Right into her, there we go.

That's a breakfast yarn for you. Because we've got a lead, and on 0800 The Hits right now is Kate. How are you, Kate? Good, thank you. How are you? We're good. Now, I feel like you've been thrown under the bus here, because you have a friend in our office who said,

oh, you've got to talk to my friend about her story. Yeah, so Harriet owes me, but if this story's good enough for the ratings, then you owe Harriet. Yeah, okay, right. I think we'll see a spike following this wonderful yarn, but you're happy to tell it's not too late to pull out? No, no, it's okay.

We're in deep now? Okay, no turning back. So this is a story about how you met your partner. Yes, yes. So it is an operating table story, but I'll start from the start to give a little bit of context. So I was away with a group of friends in Akaroa and we were, you know, singing and dancing and things.

And then I jumped off the table and actually nothing happened to me. I fell on the ground and ended up sitting on the ground with my legs straight out in front of me. And then one of our friends who was a big sort of rugby boy, roundabout, you know, would have been over 100 kgs, tripped over my legs and fell on my legs. And at that point, I just heard this massive crack. And I looked down and I burst out crying and my ankle had fallen, you know, almost wider than my thigh. Oh my goodness.

And it must have been like sort of midnight. And so everyone was just like, oh, you've just sprained your ankle. And I was like, okay, like you don't want to be that person that's been in a worst. So I was just like, no, fuck it up, Kate. And they were like, no, no, you've definitely just sprained your ankle. They chucked me a bag of frozen peas and two Panadol and carried on partying. I love a classic walk it off. Just walk it off.

Yeah, you'll be fine. Were any of the people working in the medical field that you were partying with? Or they were just like, no. No, it was the doctor going, yeah, you'll be fine. Okay. And it's funny because there are lots of them are my closest friends, and usually they are so great. And obviously you don't think that you're going to shatter your whole leg.

So anyway, that was fine. Got my leg all put in cast because there was no room to have surgery, so I'd have it the next morning. So I was sitting in hospital, and then this doctor came. And I was looking at him, and I was like, God, I feel like I recognize you. And I just couldn't put my finger on it. And he was wearing a name badge. So after he left, I looked at the classic Facebook stalk. So I got wheeled into the emergency room. And I just couldn't put my finger on it. And he was wearing a name badge. So after he left, I looked at the classic Facebook stalk.

Yeah. So I got wheeled into the emergency room. And there must have been, like, over 20 people in there. I was out cold. And then I sat bowled upright in the surgery. And I was, like, pointed at this guy who at the time was a junior just starting. And the very back corner just observing, like a little pleb in the background. Yeah. I was like, I know you.

I was like, you wrote a single at uni and you're good friends with my best friend's boyfriend and then just fainted and then apparently like once i fainted everyone just like whooshed and turned around and was like who the hell are you um and then anyway i had the surgery next day he um this same guy came past, and he was seeing a patient next to me. And he stopped past my bed, and he was like, hey, how are you? How are you feeling? But he couldn't even get the whole sentence out before he just started laughing at me. And I was like, you know.

So you had no idea you'd said anything, obviously, at that stage. No, I had no idea I'd said anything. So I was like, red face from all the morphine, high bun, like looking horrific. And I just thought, the actual cheek of this guy laughing at me. I was like, I don't know who he thinks he is. And then five years later, we're still together. Oh, look, it's like a plot line from Shortland Street. Thank you so much for your call, Kate.

Really do appreciate it. No, you're very welcome. Thanks, guys. Let's go to Fred. Welcome. How's Auckland this morning, Fred? Good, thanks, mate. We're doing well, buddy. It's lovely to Fred. Welcome. How's Auckland this morning, Fred? Good, thanks, mate. We're doing well, buddy.

It's lovely to hear you. Hear your voice. Tales from the operating theatre. Yeah, when I was a young fella, I'd split my head open and the bloody thing abscessed. So I go to Middlemore Hospital. The doctor gives me a jab, says, does this all make you sleepy? And comes back five minutes later, you sleepy yet? No. Goes away, comes back again five later, you're sleepy yet? No.

Goes away, comes back again five minutes later, you're sleepy yet? No. So you lie down here and they scraped it. Huh? Down in your head instead of here. What? Were you meant to be asleep during this? No, it was supposed to make you dozy, so you don't really know.

But I've had it a couple of times, the same, and it doesn't work on me. Oh, my God. So you were awake during your, oh, gosh, through your head operation. Damn. Well done, Fred. Good on you, I think. Is that what you say?

Yeah, I think so. I don't know what else to say. Remember we were talking to a guy who was a cameraman on a reality show, and they were in a hospital a few weeks ago filming, and this guy came in. He was heavily intoxicated and they were like we'll just sober him up.

Jono, sit down mate. Sober up. That's right, it was me. And so I sat there on the bed. I like how he thinks it was a reality show but anyway. They told me they were filming. It was just you with your cell phone wasn't it? It was. I'm like this would be great for YouTube. No but they were sobering this

guy up but then for some reason he kept getting more and more intoxicated and they couldn't figure it out. And then he just kept going to the loo and what they had figured out after five hours, and this guy was just rolling around on the floor at midnight, was he'd been going into the toilets

and drinking the hand sanitiser. So he'd drink like a litre of hand sanitiser. Then the cleaner would come around and fill the hand sanitiser. So he'd drink like a litre of hand sanitiser. Then the cleaner would come around and fill the hand sanitiser up. Then he'd go and drink it again. They'd pump his stomach. Oh, I can imagine it's no good for you. Of hand sanitiser. I mean, that shows a level of commitment to drinking that, you know,

you have to admire. Yeah, maybe. Thank you for your calls and texts this morning. I really appreciate it. Want more Jono and Ben? You can catch up with the boys anytime. Just search Jono and Ben on Facebook. Now, Producer Humphries is making his way into the studio right now.

Make it feel like it's from a long distance. Welcome, Producer Humphry. Good morning. Lovely. The most adorably named producer in the game. Producer Humphry. Cute little adorably. Wonderful name.

Anyway, an air of smugness about him. He is, isn't he? Yeah. Since Friday, actually, he's been. Anyway, an air of smugness about him. He is, isn't he? Yeah. Since Friday, actually, he's been wandering around with an air of smugness. He launched a bomb upon us. A bomb upon us. Friday, mid-show, said he's booked the best guest that we'll ever speak to in our careers. Agreed.

And you stand by those claims? Absolutely. So this is someone that's going to join us on the show when? So they're going to be Thursday. Thursday on the show this week. And we don't know. You're not going to tell us who it is. You haven't been...

No, it's strictly embargoed. The biggest guest. Are we talking height or fame? Are they the tallest? They are tall. They are tall? Okay. But they are... Their are tall but they are their career

is monstrous oh monster okay big career so you're not we're allowed to ask questions about this but we're not you're not going to tell us

yeah okay I'll let you go yes or no questions at some stage it would be quite nice to know who they are so we could prepare some questions

in a novelty radio game or something to do with them. Can we find out before Thursday even if we can't guess? Well if you can guess it's going to be a shambles of an interview if we don't know who it is You'll know this person so you'll know everything about them anyway because they're

that big, they've been on, well I'm not even going to What have they been on? Tell us more. Is it Michael Jackson? It's not Michael Jackson. No, it wouldn't be. He's no longer with us. RIP Michael Jackson.

So, 100 of the hits, if you've got, can we get the listeners involved? Yeah, I'll tell you what, I'll put up a prize. If a listener guesses correctly, I'll put up a prize. If a listener guesses correctly, I'll put up a prize and it'll be a very good prize. I can't go into too much detail

on what the prize will be. Why would you start going into detail now because you've gone into none so far? If I give away too much detail about the prize, it'll give away who the guest is, but it'll be a nice piece of merchandise. A piece of high-end merchandise. This is the Vegas.

Who's on the show? I don't know. What are they winning? I don't know. It's like Guess Who. Is your guest wearing a green hat? No. No.

Okay. Okay. So can I go, so yes or no questions. Okay. Is it a male? No. Oh, okay.

So we're female. Okay. Can I ask a question? That ruled out half the population pretty quickly. I just thought I'd do it.'re female, okay. Can I ask a question? That ruled out half the population pretty quickly. Yeah, well, I just thought I'd do it. I'll do it, yeah. Can I ask a question? What is their first and last name?

Well, it's not a yes or no question. No. Ooh, okay, 0800THEHITS. He's stonewalling us right now, 4487. Have you got any questions you think could stump producer Humphrey for him to reveal who this guest is? And for some reason he's refusing to tell us. I don't know why, but you can help us out right now.

0800, that's the telephone number. Some sort of prize up for grabs that apparently is pretty good if you can guess. High-end merchandise. High-end merchandise. He's importing some stuff from Colombia. It's high-end. We'll go to the phones. Got a full board here.

Russell, you want to have a guess? You want to ask producer Humphrey a question? He's answering yes or no. Morning, guys. Just wondering, the artist in question, did they by any chance win an award on Sunday? Oh, the Aotearoa Music Awards?

At the Aotearoa Music Awards, yeah. No. No. Okay. Okay, thank you, Russell. Appreciate it. Remember, if you, Russell. Appreciate it. Remember, if you get it correct, you've some sort of prize that we're not even allowed to know what that is. I feel like we're kept in the dark on quite a lot of this. That's quite a good clue, though.

If they're involved in merchandise. High-end merch. You know, that narrows it down. High-end merch. Elon Musk. Oh, no, you said... No, okay. We're giving away a Tesla on Thursday.

We'll go to Laura, Clarks Beach. Welcome. You're on New Zealand's Breakfast, Laura. You're giving away a Tesla on Thursday. We'll go to Laura Clarks Beach. Welcome. You're on New Zealand's Breakfast, Laura. Hi. You can ask Producer Humphrey a yes or no question. Guess the guest. Is it someone on your guy's show as a presenter? Well, that would be very underwhelming if it was.

Oh, this radio show or a TV show? Radio show. Well, I think she's been on TV too. Is it someone in and around the world of the hits radio network? Yes. No. No. Okay.

Laura. So can I ask a question right now? Is it an international star? Like are we talking someone that is not from New Zealand, that's someone that is international overseas? Yes. Okay, all right, okay. We're going international.

We're going big time. We'll go to Mandy in Albany. Ask producer Humphrey a question. We're playing Guess the Guest. We've got someone big on Thursday. Don't have a clue who it is, Mando. Yeah. Do they name their initials KK?

Are their initials KK or like Kim Kardashian? No, Kylie Kardashian. Oh, is it one of the Kardashians? Is it one of the Kardashians? No. Kylie. No, not one of the Kardashians. I honestly thought that's who it might have been with the high-end merch.

Yeah, that's a very good guess, Mandy. Okay, thank you, Mandy. We'll go to Casey in Rotorua playing Guess the Guest. Someone's here on Thursday. Don't know, have a clue who it is. Producer Humphrey is awaiting your question, Case. Is it a Kiwi who was made a dame? No.

Who were you thinking, Case? Valerie. Oh, Valerie Adams. Oh, yeah. The tall thing thinking, Case? Valerie. Oh, Valerie Adams. Oh, yeah. The tall thing sort of threw me off. Yeah, no, I'd love to talk to Valerie. Yeah, she's great. She came and talked to us a few months ago, right?

Had a Barbie doll that was made in her likeness. Okay, well, listen, none of those. We'll keep this going. 4487. Did we narrow it down a little bit? We didn't really. Well, we've said international. We've said female.

High-end merch is a clue. And not a Kardashian. Okay. We'll keep this going. If you do guess correctly, you'll win some of this quote-unquote high-end merch. And you will have to sign an NDA. Oh, alright. Okay. We'll find out who

that big guest is going to be joining us on Thursday on the show. Making poor life decisions every morning. It's Jodo and Ben on the hits. Spy, the WhatsApp spy.co.nz. She graduated school with NCEA. She just thought the C in the E stand for Celebrity Entertainment. It's been shocking for her school results, but great for this juju, Spy. Thanks very much.

So the Aotearoa Music Awards were on last night at Spark Arena in Auckland. Hey, Spark Arena. I love when you guys do that. And there were a few big winners. So at last year's awards, Benny won in all four categories that she was nominated in. And she did the exact same this year. Won in all four categories, single of the year, best solo artist, best pop artist, and recorded music international achievement.

So when you hit the big stage overseas. Good on her. So she did very well. A good joke I heard on the news at 5 o'clock driving into work this morning, that her awards cabinet won't be super lonely. I was like, oh, that's good. That's lovely. The news bet me to that.

That is right. And you guys were also in the news. I was in the news this morning on Newstalk That's lovely, damn it. The news bet me to that. That is right. And you're guys, we all love it. Was that in the news? It was in the news this morning on Newstalk ZB. Well done, Newstalk ZB. That's exceptional. I've never been in a privileged position to win multiple awards, let alone one award, but multiple ones. But I imagine you blow your speech cookies when you accept the first award.

Yeah. Then you're using filler content. Because you don't want to leave anyone out, right? No. Because you don't know you're going to win you're right you're going to go back up there first time you've got to thank everyone

and by four I know by the fourth one thanks to the Uber driver who dropped me off here I saw a dog on the way in thanks to that dog yeah you'd be reaching wouldn't you you really would be

I miss the awards I've got a nightmare of a problem on the lawn only hunger weeds coming through so I was spraying the weeds on would be. I missed the awards. I've got a nightmare of a problem on the lawn. Only hunger weeds coming through. So I was spraying the weeds on the lawn so I missed the awards. But I imagine it would have been

8.30 at night. Yeah, I know. I was doing it quite late. I was procrastinating all day so I ended up doing it until like 10 o'clock at night. But I imagine Jesse, the host,

Jesse Mulligan would have done a great job. He looked fantastic. Photos of his jackets look exceptional. Yeah, no, he looked great. Yeah, well done. And another highlight was Josh6 job. He looked fantastic. Photos of his jackets look exceptional. Yeah, no, he looked great. Yeah, well done. And another highlight

was Josh685. He performed his song that he collaborates with with Jason Derulo. He performed that with a bunch of his friends on stage. Oh, they look like

they're having such a best time. Even in the crowd for the bits I saw, there was a whole lot from his school just loving it. Oh, absolutely loving it. When they're all 18 years old,

they'll be like, this is the greatest moment ever. It's so cool. Yeah, exactly. Oh, absolutely loving it. When they're all 18 years old, they'll be like, this is the greatest moment ever. So cool. Yeah, exactly. And he also won Breakthrough Artist of the Year as well, which is awesome for him. And then that's pretty much, that's the Aotearoa Music Awards in a nutshell for you. Done and dusted for another year. Isn't it fantastic

that we can have an event like this in New Zealand? Because I know the Oscars and the Grammys and stuff all had to be done online and the MTV Awards and they'd send people in hazmat suits out to the nominees' houses for the Oscars. And they're like an infectious diseases bureau or something. So it's great we can do this live. Yeah, that's really cool. We're very lucky in New Zealand.

God bless Aotearoa. Yeah, the team of five million. God bless the team of five million. Jacinda. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What happens if the team of five million gets Argentina, eh? Oh, yeah. Boo. Sack them all. Suck the team of 5 million gets Argentina, eh? Oh, yeah. Boo.

Sack them all. Suck the team of 5 million. Get rid of them. Sack the coach. Sack the referee. Sack everyone. I love how the fight off everyone gets. It's like, calm down, everyone.

Calm the farm. Especially in the grand scheme of 2020. Yeah, I know. A loss in rugby is not the... Yeah, yeah. And to Argentina, they loved it. They loved it. They were passionate fans.

They had a great time. I'd love to lose to Argentina again just to see them party. And to Argentina, they loved it. They loved it. They were passionate fans. They had a great time. I'd love to lose to Argentina again just to see them party. And that's Spy. For more, you can go to the hits.co.nz. We apologise in advance. It's Jono and Ben on the hits. Jono and Ben with Razine, taking the guesswork out of choosing colours.

Now, we've got a brand new competition we're playing every day this week. Thanks to Razine. And it's always, you know, it's always a little tricky from a radio show point of view to get the formatics of the new game right. Yeah that's right so producer Huffrey's just come in here and explained it to us and

I still don't know what it is but I think we'll fumble our way through it. So here's how I think it works. Each stage on OMBN that's us we're invited listeners, that's you on air and we'll pop open one so we've got a whole lot of Razine colour paint tins in the studio, right? Yeah, that's right.

Because you know you can bring out the best in your home with a huge range of colours and wallpapers from Resene colour shops. For somebody to know what they were doing, you certainly are doing some great job for the client there right now. It's just some natural banter. So you get to choose two of the Resene tins of colour, the paint to reveal a prize. If those two paint tins match,

you'll get a $500 Resene voucher and one of our prizes that allocate between those two colours. So it's like a game of memory with paint tins, basically. Exactly. Did you know Enjoy Kiwi Made Paint Resene is 100% New Zealand owned and operated, and Resene paints have been designed and made in New Zealand since 1946.

Isn't that a long time? Speaking of memory, what a great memory you have to remember that. So there's things like a new barbecue, an experience at Kelly Tartan's, New Zealand adventure experience as well, like bungee jumping and skydiving. So 0800 the hits is the phone number. Either way, even if your paint tins don't match, you'll still get a $500 Resene gift voucher. What a prize.

And I tell you what, if you need help choosing the right colours and wallpapers for your home, book a consultation with a Resene Colour Expert in person or virtually. You can use the free Ask a Colour Expert service on the Resene website. Wonderful service. Just some natural free-firing conversation for your Monday morning. So, yes, great. 0800 the hats. Give us a call right now and play this game.

It's very fun. Jeez, you get $500 worth of Resene vouchers from the get-go. Which is awesome. And you could be winning that great prize as well if you get your paint tins matching. Jules, welcome. How's Kaepoi this morning in Christchurch? Thank you. Hello. Hello. Hello to

you. I tell you, I love, Jules, I don't know if you're the same, but I love the smell of paint. Don't you? Yep. Love the smell of paint. Love the smell of petrol, turpentine. I think I might be addicted to solvents. Yeah. Don't you love the smell of petrol too whenpentine. I think I might be addicted to solvents. Yeah. Don't you smell of petrol too when you're at the petrol station?

It's nice. It's lovely. But anyway, what were you going to say, George? It's been interesting, yeah. It's been interesting, isn't it? We won't talk about my love of smells because here we are giving you a $500 Razine voucher from the get-go. So congratulations. Wow.

Thank you. Now you get to paint the town red, or paint the town Rosene Puhutukawa so to speak because you need to choose two numbered tins between one and ten, if they match up with the colours, you're going to win an extra prize on top of your $500 Rosene voucher Okay

So we've got ten Rosene paint tins in the studio, all numbered, so you're going to pick two numbers and we're going to see if they're a colour match Alright? Okay. Do I do that now? Yeah, do that now. Number two and seven. Two and seven, alright. Jono's down there, he's going to open up number two.

She's gone, ooh, okay, I see. A lumbar cider mid-white. Is it though? Is it? Are you going to open it up or not? Do I have to open that up, do I? Apparently I like how we've got Protective cloth down on the studio

But you brought that over by the desk The expensive desk Oh, there we go Oh no, no, this is the grey Yeah, see that's why Don't go on the outside Don't go on the outside, okay This is the grey, okay

So you've got grey at the moment You want to match that up With another grey You've got shark grey Shark grey If you match this up with another shark grey You're going to win. Shark Grey. If you match this up with another Shark Grey, you're going to win a Shark Tank experience at Kelly Tarleton. So that was number which one, Jono?

Sorry? That was number two. Okay, so number seven, sorry. Come on, seven. Okay, seven. Is this another grey? Shark Grey. Is it a Shark Grey?

We're popping the tins. We're popping tins. The resin. Oh, no. It was the scrumptious pink. Oh, very vibrant pink there, isn't it? Pink stinks. Pink stinks.

But that doesn't matter. You've still got $500 worth of Resene vouchers, okay? Oh, thank you so much. No worries. So that was fun. That was fun. I'm so nervous now. You've got open paint tins in the studio with Resene.

Paint all over my fingers as well. We didn't think about the logistics of this. They put down like a drop cloth over in the corner of the studio, but you've brought that over here because... We don't have a mic down there though. Mics are kind of essential to broadcasting and you know, we'll fix these things. We'll come back tomorrow

stronger, bigger and better. It's day one of our Resene colour challenge. If you want to play tomorrow, you can do so. Under the hits is the phone number. You can do that tomorrow on the show. Like starting your day with panda eyes. It's Jono and Ben on the hits. Now, Chantelle Otten,

she's an Australian relationship specialist who's partnered with social networking at Bumble to help singles in New Zealand and Australia navigate through modern dating. Producer Julie, you know a little bit about Bumble. Yes. So the kind of cool thing about it is the females seem to dictate the terms, right?

Yeah, well, the females have to send the first message. And then once you have sent the message, then it's an even game from there pretty much. You said it's your preferred one? Yeah. You don't like Tinder? Oh, there's just, I just feel like Tinder's, there's so, so many people on Tinder. And yeah, I don't really know. I think I just prefer Bumble. We were going through her Tinder one the other day and she was like no, no

no, no. I'm very picky. He looks like a nice guy, give him a go. No, no. Anyway we're joined now by Chantelle Otten from Bumble. How are ya? Hi, how are you? Come on down. How are you, mate?

Good, nice to talk, guys. Yeah, very nice to talk to you. You're an award-winning relationship specialist, sex therapist as well. Yeah, I am. I get to talk about all the good stuff. Now, tell me, what awards are these? Do you print these out yourself or are they handed to you by other people?

Yeah, 100%. I just printed them off. Go into Microsoft Clipart, make yourself a nice certificate or something. What's one common mistake most couples are making in their relationship, Chantel? I think it's just not learning how to communicate effectively. I think that that's the most important thing. And that's the same in dating and in long-term relationships. Sometimes we just, I guess, drop the ball a little bit and we don't forget.

Sorry, we forget that we need to keep, you know, growing and adapting. You know, I think also like with online dating, Bumble's very good at helping out with those kind of cues. They put out a lot of great content for their followers to know how to make the first move, what are some good ways to, I guess, convert it from online to in real life, and I guess how to keep the conversation flowing. And that's what I love to be a part of, because I think that communication is the most important thing in any type of relationship. What is the best way to communicate?

I know that's a very broad question, but let's just say an argument's kicking off. How do you navigate your way through that? Well, I think first of all, you actually have to listen. I think that that's where things might go a little bit wrong. We're not actually actively listening to what our partner's trying to say and maybe try and see the emotion behind what they're talking about rather than any inflammatory words. Actually say, well, what's the problem here? Is behind what they're talking about rather than any inflammatory words. Actually say, well, what's the problem here? Is it what we're arguing about or is there something deeper?

You know, do they need my help with something? Do I need to give more to them? Maybe just ask, is there anything that we can do as a couple to make it better? Because if it comes down to you did this and I did this, then it's not working as a team anymore. It's turning away from each other rather than towards. Jeez, I don't think I can.

I'm not that calm in those situations. I was going to say, do you think arguments should be spaced out over two parts? Because I always go away and then I'm like, oh, I should have said that. I should have. That was a bit, you know. And then you can come back to it.

Like, you know, everyone gets the chance to put the case forward. You go away, you come back, and then, you know, and then you can come back to it. Like, you know, everyone gets the chance to put the case forward. You go away, you come back and then, you know, let you talk some more. Because I feel like, oh, and the time I get all like, oh, I don't know, and I'm flustered. And then later I go, oh, that's what I should have, you know, that's what I should have done. That's called emotional flooding. It's when all of our emotions take over our body. And it's literally a physiological response that we can't control. And scientifically, we need about 20 minutes to be able to cool down from that, to be able to then come back and see the light a little bit. What are we arguing about?

Yeah, right. Of course. No one's, you know, that calm all the time. I think that we just need to take it down a notch and go, all right, well, what can we do? Where are we here? So Chantel and Ben calling for half-time breaks and arguments. Yeah, half-time, yeah.

And maybe, what, a full-time post-analysis, post-match speech? Yeah, that'd be good. Yeah, that makes a lot of sense. Hey, it's been really interesting talking to you, Chantel. You find a lot of older sort of couples, just your grandparents and stuff, they've reached a stage in their relationship where it's purely based on bickering.

And, I mean, I'm like, so, you know, some people are like, why have you stayed together? It's the admin. It's the admin. That's what my wife said to me the other day. There's a lot of admin if you break up. You know, it's probably better to save the admin, just stay together and just keep going on. Do you sometimes find that with old couples where they're like, they're telling a story,

one's telling a story, but they end up in an argument over the details of the yarn? Yeah, look, I think that bickering is a bit of low-grade psychological warfare, isn't it? It's really difficult. Honestly, it takes quite a bit of work to be able to stop that process. But also you have to consider maybe that's something that keeps that couple together. Some couples find it really endearing to do that.

Their deep-seated hatred for each other. Yeah. The other thing I want to ask is, you know, long-term relationships, just sort of talking 20 years, how do you keep the magic alive, Chantel? Oh, yeah. I think that this one is something that we have to I guess be very open-minded with we have to make sure that there's still distance between us in a relationship if you want to be together for 20 years you need to be excited about seeing the other person that means that you need

to be your own individual and be able to have a bridge to cross to meet the person on the other side. So you need to have distance to cultivate desire in a relationship. And I think also don't have the same type of sex every single time you're having sex because it's boring. We need to mix it up and make sure that you look at a few different options on the erotic menu. Oh, there we go. Have a go. Have a cheeky go. Absolutely. Tonight we'll try the Manawatu mudflap.

Whatever that is. And less crying for me at the end of it. That's something I'm like, yeah, mix it up. Just mix it up. It's not a lot of crying for me. Is it weird that Ben ends up sobbing every time he makes love? She's like, is that real? Is that real?

No, it's not. That happens. It happens, yeah. I'm an emotional person. Yeah, it's normal. It's normal, Ben. Thank you, thank you, Chantel. Chantel, it was lovely talking with you.

Thank you. Thanks so much for having me, and have a great morning. Low in calories and low in laughs. It's Jono and Ben on my hips. Kia ora, I'm Ash Thomas, and this is the B***hing News. This is where producer Juliet takes international news headlines and censors them, beeps them out. The only thing we should be censoring on the show

is Ben's undeniable attractiveness. Too much sexiness, too early in the morning, my friend. I feel like you're mocking me somehow. That's a lovely compliment. It doesn't feel like that, but anyway. I feel like you're mocking me somehow, so. That's a lovely compliment. It doesn't feel like that, but anyway. Should we roll into it? Alright, first headline. Millionaire's son finds himself cleaning his

with champagne. I want to say cleaning his car with champagne. Okay. That's just a sensible answer I'm trying to guess correctly. Yeah, no, I'm going to say he put champagne in a bath and he had a bubbles bath. That's something a millionaire's son would do.

Although very lavish, also quite sticky. I'm going to imagine it would be, but hey. Here we go. Millionaire's son finds himself cleaning his car tyres with champagne.

Oh! How rich is he? He's just doing his tyres, do the whole car, mate. You were right, Jono. True. He posted it to his Instagram and he wanted to figure out

which brand of flash champagne was better on his car tyres and got them cleaner. Although, kind of ironically, he didn't even reveal the answer. It was probably just a thing. He was like, I just want to show off

and I'm cleaning my car. Was sham unnecessary? I know. What a waste. I like how now Especially in America All the sports teams Where they get champagne But they've always got

Pre-prepared goggles Have you noticed that now? They're all kind of It must be burning their eyes So now they all have Their special Wait wait wait Put on their special

Champagne goggles And then they get to spray it I always did one of that On the Formula 1 podium And stuff Where Lewis Hamilton Would be spraying it In second place

His face He'd be like Oh mate It burns It burns I can't see I'm a professional driver Formula One podium and stuff where Lewis Hamilton would be spraying it in second place. His face would be like, oh, mate. It burns. It burns. I can't see. I'm a professional driver. My eyesight is quite important.

Yeah, true. All right, next headline. Victorians save $225 million every month during lockdown because of... I'm going to say no pubs open. I'm going to go try and get an answer right. I'm going to say because of a virus which kept people trapped inside their houses, therefore they couldn't go out and spend any money. Victorians save $225 million every month during lockdown because of the pokies being shut.

Oh, the pokies. Oh, there's a pub there at Pokies. Similar. Oh, the pokies are massive over there. Yeah, yeah. And I think it was, I'm not sure if this is Australia, but apparently the whole casino industry lost about 14.2 million every day amid the pandemic.

Or maybe that's worldwide. Probably worldwide. No, no, that'd be Australia. 14.2 million would just be Australia, I imagine. I remember going to a wedding on the Gold Coast at a Queensland RSL. It's like their rugby league clubs over there. But everyone congregates at them. They're like, yeah.

And it was a wedding there. And before the nuptials, Tien and my wife, I was, oh, should we go play the pokies? So I played the pokies. But you know how pokey machines, they have a row of them and they're facing each other?

Well, on one side was non-smoking, but like half a metre back was smoking. So you'd have the smoking, the tanned old leathery Dorises playing their pogues on one side smoking, but then when they come over, the smoke would be pushed over to the other. Yeah, right. There's a small difference between the smoking and non-smoking. Yeah, literally half a metre.

They used to do that on flights back in the day, apparently, what Dad was saying. They had a smoking section and a non-smoking section on a plane. But you're all on the same plane. All strapped inside this capsule. It's not like there's windows. Exactly. No logic.

And your final one. Two Queensland men got legally married so they could so they could spend a long life together and eventually end up hating each other when they're about 80 years old

and bicker for the remainder of their days. I was thinking the same. Arguing about taking the bins out, bickering in car trips about each other's driving. No, so they wanted to do those sorts of things that couples that are married do, so that's what they decided to do. Very, I mean,

this is quite good, and I feel like I would do this. Two Queensland men got legally married so they could party with 100 people. Literally. For the wedding. Yeah. They wanted to get 100 of their mates together, and the photo was posted of these two guys saying their vows to each other,

holding hands in suits. They've got a celebrant and everything. Wow. Just so they could have a wee party. Isn't that creative? That is creative.

But then it's also, I feel like you're really committing to having one. One night of partying. Yeah. Yeah. Because you can't get divorced. Like,

a divorce takes two years. I think it takes a while, right? Yeah. Well, they're good on that and you would do that too, Ju? Probably divorce takes two years. I think it takes a while, right? Yeah. Oh, well, they're good on that. And you would do that too, Ju? Probably. Good on you. I'd be a commitment to party.

Maybe don't ask her today. Ask her on Friday. She's come back from the races. Yeah, true. Not in the mood right now. Thank you. And that is News and Beeps. Want more Jono and Ben?

You can catch up with the boys anytime. Just search Jono and Ben on Instagram. Last night, Sunday night. Interesting night, I thought, to have it. But I saw a big celebration nonetheless. The Aotearoa New Zealand Music Awards were on last night. Also the gummies too. The Aotearoa Gumboot Awards held in Taihape as well.

Let's not forget those. Okay, what's that having as well? We have some in-depth coverage from those awards after 8 o'clock. Benny won four awards. She was one of the big winners last night. Thank you, Juliet. Just for a bit of an extra touch. The Beths as well won three awards,

as well as that Josh 685. Oh, there you go. Look at this. Oh, my God, Juliet. This is like we pre-played, but we haven't. You are on fire. Maybe I should turn up to work after partying every weekend. She hasn't slept in 72 hours, but she is bringing the noise.

Yeah, well, that's a wonderful year for New Zealand music, albeit a very weird year for every industry. But, you know, you had Josh685 dominating the world from his home in Manurewa, and obviously Benny too doing the same on Kimmel, on Fel and all the talk shows, just doing those performances from her lounge. Yeah.

We weren't cool enough to go along this year, were we? We've been in the bus. Listen, to be honest, Ben, I don't think MediaWorks would be wanting to invite us along with open arms to the Music Awards. At what point do you think our wonderful colleagues at MediaWorks would go, hey, you left us, why don't you come and be VIP guests at our awards night? Were you expecting an invite, were you come and be VIP guests at our awards night were you expecting an invite were you

that would have been nice I tell you what a few years ago I was hosting the awards and this just shows even when you're hosting how uncool I am

so I was hosting with Shannon Ryan at the time and they were like you're getting ready and Spark Arena and you know so I've been there

for hours and then they were like hey you've got to get out and walk the red carpet. So we walked out of their dressing rooms, walked around, did a loop, and walked up the red carpet. You know, so you're going to do the thing, wave at people. It's awkward. It's awkward. I mean, you've got a bunch of journalists asking you questions

but not really wanting to talk to you. They didn't have a red carpet this year. It was one of the changes. But anyway, I was walking the red carpet, got to the front, and then the guy was like, like, do you have a pass? I'm like, oh, no, I don't. It's in my dressing room back here. He's like, sorry, mate, can I come in?

And it was that awkward thing where I didn't want to be the guy going, oh, I'm actually hosting tonight. He's like, you don't want to be that guy. So he just awkwardly sort of stood there waiting for someone else to kind of vouch for me. Were you like putting your head up to the glass, trying to get someone's attention? Guys, guys, hey, hey, hey, come let me in. So he hosted the awards from outside.

It was the first year that the host was outside for the entire evening. Yeah, so it was just something I did. Well, I remember when we were hosting, you and I, your main fascination was not about the artist, but was it because we had a shower in the dressing room. You're like, how many famous hairs are down this drain? Oh, imagine the amount of armpit hair that's down there. It'd be worth an expedition underneath the bowels of Spark Arena.

Just to retrieve them. This could be a vintage beaver. Yeah. You could sell them on the dark web, on some very specific website. I could get some Bitcoin for those hairs. Chris, there has been an amazing array of artists that have performed at Spark Arena over the years. Yeah, it's quite cool backstage, isn't it?

When we were there, I was like, oh, man, you get little mini cans of like Lynx Africa, mini little bottles of moisturizer, quite a lot of moisturizer. Do you remember a lot of moisturizer? And Mentos. Mentos, Lynx Africa, and moisturizer. That's what we got paid in.

Yeah, hell of a deal, hell of a deal. But it's fun. It's always a good night, isn't it? When you're hosting, you look out on stage, a sea of good-looking, judgmental people who would rather do anything. Yeah, there were no tables this year as well. What were they doing?

Sitting on the carpet. No, they sat in the stands. There are seats there. You don't have to sit on tables. Yeah, it was just quite a cool set-up this year. So they had all the performances at the bottom and the main area, you know, where people would normally stand

if there was a concert on stage to just have the performances there and then everyone was sitting in the bleachers around the outside. Oh, that's cool. Yeah, so something different. Mixing it up, mate. Well, congrats to Benny, to Josh685, to the Benz, to 660. Yeah.

And to everyone who was awarded last night at the prestigious ceremony, the Aotearoa Music Awards. Feels like an acceptance speech. You're worried about not thanking everyone. And that is our quick update of what happened. Wake up full of shame. Wake up with these guys. It's Jono and Ben on the hits.

Scrolling through your feed. Tell you what, there is nothing that this guy isn't across. He's even across my dinner plans this evening. That's how good he is. Ben Boyce, what's been happening overnight? Well, something I was saying before about... Something I was saying before. There's a vague start to a conversation, isn't it?

Something I was saying before about something. So Pfizer, so they're the firm that have been making big progress towards a vaccine, right? Yeah. They're 90% effective so far with tests, which is very promising for the world. When are they getting those out? I don't know.

Well, I guess they're still testing it at the moment. I don't care. Get it out, mate. 90% is good enough. Are you ready to go? It's good enough for university entrance. When are they getting those out? I don't know. Well, I guess they're still testing it. I don't care. Get it out, mate. 90%. Are you ready to go? It's good enough for university entrance. Yeah, get it out there. Okay.

All right. Well, yeah, Pfizer. But I did not know until the weekend that they also make Viagra. Pfizer. It's like, oh, all the jokes we could have made about that. How did you learn that they made Viagra? I was just catching up with some mates. It was actually James McConey from Crowd Goes Wild. And he was like, did you not know that? You're going to talk about that on Monday, aren'tra? I was just catching up with some mates. It was actually James McConey

from Crowd Goes Wild and he was like, did you not know that? You're going to talk about that on Monday, aren't you? I was like, you're damn right I am. I'm going to take that information and give that a 6.40am

on a Monday. Bit of a chinwag. Yeah, so I was like, yeah, they make, solving all the world's big problems. Viagra and COVID at the moment.

Oh, they do a lot of stuff, don't they? Yeah, they do. Penicillin? Yeah. Hmm. Thank you. I felt like you had't they? Yeah, they do. Penicillin? Yeah. Hmm. Thank you. I felt like you had more on that list,

but you didn't. Oh, no. I can't pronounce like 80% of their medicines. Something, though, that we found quite interesting last week, because Pfizer's come out with this potential vaccine for COVID, Zoom, the online video calling thing,

has gone down, the shares have gone down by 15%. Yeah, immediately, as soon as this vaccine was announced, right? Although, to be fair to Zoom, they made billions of dollars in the space of about four months. So I think the people at Zoom, they'll be fine. Don't worry about Zoom. What, did you put all your life savings into Zoom or something? Yeah.

You look a little emotional. Now, of course, wearing masks may be a legal, like you have to be a legal requirement this week on domestic flights and Auckland public transport. That could come in by Thursday. The government's looking at

trying to rush that through at the moment. You were on a plane on the weekend. Were people wearing masks, Juliet? I was actually surprised. Not as many people as I thought were wearing masks, especially after that one case that was identified as a community

transmission. I was thinking everyone will be wearing masks now that that case has come out, but not really many people. Maybe a third of the people on the plane. We might all have to by Thursday, which I think seems like a bit of a no-brainer. Just make it the law. Everyone's got to do it on a plane and then you don't have that, oh, should I, should I, should I? Yeah, because you feel

like a bit of a knob wearing one, don't you? I don't know why. I don't know why. I was like, oh, sorry, I just don't want to spread or catch a virus. Yeah, like, oh, look at the loser with the mask on his face. Trying to protect himself. Trying to keep everyone safe. What a loser.

I don't know why you feel like that, eh? Yeah. Although I don't judge people who are in masks. I know, but it's the reason you feel like everyone's judging you. I'm self-conscious about the whole thing. In the mask. And also today, starting around New Zealand, NCEA exams is happening.

A lot of it on digital this year. Some of it's digital, some of it in halls and around schools around the country as well. So good luck to everyone sitting exams. Weren't they including during the lockdown period, you got NCEA credits for cleaning your bedroom and making your bed and things like that?

I think there was something like that. Did they actually go through? I don't know. Did you do NCEA? Oh, you would have done it, Julie. Yeah, I did. Gosh, it was traumatising. I hated exams.

Oh yeah, I'm not an exam. I don't know how to study. I can't sit down and focus. I was shocking. I think I failed like probably at least eight of my subjects. Really? Yeah. Oh jeez. Did you pass all yours? Pretty much, yeah. Yeah, I think I failed like probably at least eight of my subjects. Really? Yeah.

Did you pass all yours? Pretty much, yeah. Yeah, I think I did. Yeah, I got university entrance and stuff like that. Did you? Yeah. Nerd. And I was wearing a face mask.

What a loser. Could go to university and trying to keep safe and healthy. We just had to start again trying to remember stuff. Just had to try and remember stuff. Well, I can't remember stuff, okay? You just sit there quietly and try and remember stuff and then try and write that stuff

you remember down. Yeah, true. When you put it like that, I really failed at a basic human function. And that is scrolling to your feed this morning. Start your day the wrong way. It's Jono and Ben on the hits. The A to Z of New Zealand.

We're calling every town and city in Aotearoa. We call one a day. We're slowly making our way around New Zealand. We're doing it alphabetically. We're in the H's. The H's, isn't it? H. Some people love saying a H, don't they?

The Aussies love a H. Yeah, they do. Don't they, yeah. It actually makes the letter more enjoyable to say. H. This has just become part of our routine, isn't it? Isn't it amazing? Every day we put on socks and pants and

cool somewhere in New Zealand and we're finding out a lot about the country. It's been mentioned we're travelling around last week and you pass places and you're like, I know something about, I know an unusual amount of facts about that tiny town in Northland. But today we're heading to Huntley, which sits on State Highway 1, 95km south of Auckland, 32km north of Hamilton. It straddles the Waikato River like my mum Annie straddles Ben's heart.

It's also home to the massive Green Party endorsedendorsed coal-fired power station. We're going to go through to Huntley right now. Understand the painting and decorating shop. Hello, Colour Plus, Huntley. Pete speaking. Hello, is that Pete? Yeah. Pete from Colour Plus Huntley.

Yeah, yeah. It's Jono from the Hits radio station. And Ben from the Hits radio station. Yeah. Talking to Pete from Colour Plus Huntley. Yeah, yeah. It's Jono from the Hits Radio Station. And Ben from the Hits Radio Station. Yeah. Talking to Pete from Colour Plus Huntley. Yeah, okay. Yeah, we're ringing every town and city in New Zealand. We call one a day, and today it's Huntley's turn.

Yeah, okay, good. We like to learn a little bit about each town, and do you know how many towns we have called? Okay, yeah. I don't know, yeah, so many towns. You wouldn't know. Lots of towns, lots of towns. It's your Okay, yeah. I don't know. Yes, so many times. You wouldn't know. Lots of towns, lots of towns. It's your number, 144.

Oh, really? Yeah. And now we're finally talking to you. What can you tell us about Huntly? Oh, Huntly, yes. Nice town. It's a nice town. It is nice.

There's a lot of street talk about Huntly, in particular the DECA sign, which still stands proudly, 20, 30 metres in the end. Yeah, it was there. It was quite good, yeah. Decker was the Kmart of yesteryear. 1996 it's been there, I think. Yeah, that's an old one, yeah.

Old, old. And what is it, out of laziness that the town hasn't taken it down, or what? Oh, people don't like that. I think they put up a few years ago. Yeah, a few years ago, and people love it. People love it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Every time we drive past, there's the Dekker sign.

There's the Dekker sign. You know, there's that new motorway, though, isn't there? That goes sort of around Huntly now. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Do you still get as many people coming into Huntly? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, good. There's a lot of people.

Good, good. I'm pleased. I'm pleased. We've been to Huntly on three or four occasions. We've stopped off and hung out in the town. Yeah. And one occasion, a guy, we were walking down and he parked his car literally in the middle of the road. Got out to come to talk to us.

Kept the car running. Same car park. It's the middle of the road. It's a car park. How long have you lived in Huntly? Long time. Long time, long time. Long time, too long, too long. Yeah, too long.

Tell me, what should we do in Huntly? Some little hidden secrets, things to see and do. Yeah, lots of things to do, yeah. Yeah, there's so many things, I won't even start naming them. There's too many, mate. Nice place. It is a lovely place. A beautiful river, power station as well, you know.

It's a top-towards mural. Yeah, yeah. All the mining, yeah. All the mining, yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah, of course. Did you just say the beautiful power station bit? I said beautiful river, power station's there.

Yeah, some people like that. Yeah, the power station is. Yeah, we like that. Yeah, you like it. I like it. It's beautiful. Who's your favourite person from Huntly?

Oh, lots of favourites. Yeah, we got a good custom. Yeah, local people. Oh, really nice. Oh, you sound lovely. We've really enjoyed talking to you. Thank you for your time this morning. Yeah, that's good. And can we get a 1, 2, 3, Go Huntly? 1, 2, 3. Go Huntly. Yay! Nice talking to you. Have a good idea. And can we get a one, two, three, go Huntley? One, two, three.

Go Huntley. Yay. There we go. Hey, nice talking to you. Have a good day. Yeah, you too. Thank you. Like starting your day without your morning coffee.

It's Jono and Ben on the hits. Buy the WhatsApp by doco.nz. She's fresh from the Christchurch races and about to hop in the saddle and ride another award-winning spy update across the line uh juliette thank you so much for that topical introduction my friend so the fresh prince of balea uh the reunion trailer has been released will smith posted onto his instagram um ahead of the reunion episode which is going to be this thursday released um and it looks quite fun will and alfonso from the very beginning who are just playmates.

This is my brother Carlton. He knows we can't afford any bigger clothes so he just doesn't grow. Nobody ever asked me if I could act. This joker. And you couldn't. So it sounds fun. It's just a big sort of

I think they reunite inside or on the set of The Fresh Prince of Balear and have a wee chat about the whole time doing the show and what they, you know, had a bit of fun.

It was a great show. I really enjoyed it. It's on Netflix at the moment. The kids actually really enjoyed it as well. It still stands up. Yeah, it's a good show. Remember we met bloody Carlton? We filmed with Carlton

in Los Angeles. That's right. And he turned up and he had the most magnificent minivan. He did. He was very proud of it too. He was very proud of it. He was like, you must come and look at my van. And he turned up and he had the most magnificent minivan. He did. He was very proud of it. He was very proud of it.

He was like, you must come and look at my van. And he showed us his van. It had a TV in it. Yeah. It had like seats. You'd push a button and they'd go and turn around

into a lounge. So the back of the van was like a, you could sit in there and it was a lounge in the back of his van. He's like, I take this all over the country

and I play golf. Yeah, he's a big golfer, wasn't he? Yeah. He was a wonderful guy, wasn the country and I play golf. Yeah, he's a big golfer, wasn't he? He was a wonderful guy, wasn't he, Alfonso? Yeah, that's cool. He turned up on time. He was very professional, wasn't he? Yeah.

A lot more professional than we were. And then we were lucky enough to interview Will Smith. Remember that? And we had like four minutes when he was on the set of Suicide Squad, the movie. And we'd go on these interviews. There was two of us. There was normally only one people. So we'd just do the joke.

We'd just basically say, I'd sit on your knee. But in this occasion, he's like, no, no, you guys need a chair. We need a chair, we need to get you a chair. We're like, this is cutting into our four minutes of time. So we spent three and a half minutes finding a chair for Ben, and then the interview was about 25 seconds. Yeah, we wrapped it up, but there we go. But thank you, Will Smith, for finding us a chair.

What a time, what a lovely man. Wonderful gesture. And the Friends reunion, we now officially have a date. I feel like they've been teasing it and teasing it for so long. But Matthew Perry said that it's going to be early March next year. So we've got to still watch it. I would have forgotten about Friends by then. Why is it so long? Have they filmed it?

I don't know. I think a delay got delayed because of the pandemic and all of that. And then obviously the election went on, so they're probably holding it for that now. It's like too close to Christmas, so they'll leave it to primetime viewing March 2021. Yeah, and let's hope another wave of the pandemic doesn't hit there. We should try and do our own Friends reunion. Oh, yeah.

With people who you can kind of remember. Oh, from the TV show? Yeah, you're never going to get the big players. But let's go a few grades down, like, I don't know, someone who was a background extra in the Central Perk Cafe or something. Oh, yeah. That would be fun. That could be our friends viewing it.

And we'll do it before March. We'll beat them to the chase. Yeah. And that is Spy for More. You can check out the hits.co.nz. Not a morning person? Sadly, neither of these two. It's Jono and Ben on the hits.

Tonight, TVNZ2, Dog or Mud Almighty, the new reality show that we're hosting, looking for New Zealand's best dog. Most talented dog, $100,000 prize money. It's an obscene amount of money, isn't it? And their obscene doggy dome. So that's tonight, 7.30 on TVNZ2. And actually tomorrow on the programme on radio, we're going to have Doggy Dan,

who's the dog expert from Dog Almighty. He's half dog, half human, isn't he? He's got a little tail that's adorable. He latches onto your leg backstage, doesn't he? But he's really in touch with dogs. He is, yeah. You're right. We had him on last week.

When we're driving, cars going past, which is like all the time, she's just constantly barking. Shane, this is quite a common problem. Any suggestions? It's stimulus overload. Too much going on.

Too much going on. And I don't like that, and I don't like that. It's stimulus overload. Too much going on. Too much going on. And I don't like that and I don't like that. It's like Juliet of Rhythm and Vine. Stimulus overload. Exactly. It is tricky, but a hand under the chin of the dog. I call it a calm thing. I tried that.

One thing is to put a crate, get a crate and put a blanket over the top of the crate and pop your dog inside. It blocks off all the visual. He's very knowledgeable. If you've got a question about your dog that you want to know, 4487 on the text and we might put it to Doggy Dan tomorrow. Yeah, you're going to join us after 8 o'clock tomorrow morning. All right, let's wrap the show up.

How we do every day. We don't just fade out. No, no, we go 120 right till the end. Why is today going to be a good day? We'd love to hear from you on 0800 the hits. Give us a call right now and every caller that gets on the air will get a prize. We've got movie tickets today, Bee Humps.

Movie tickets, says producer Humphrey, to Reading Cinemas. Louise, how's Whangarei this morning? It's alright, Louise, is it? Morning! Why's it going to be a good one for you up north, Louise? Because we're going to spend the next five full days with people we love working our asses off. Oh, sorry.

Doing what? Just working. Oh, that's great. You love the people you work with? Totally. I wish Ben loved me like the way you love your colleagues. Come on, I'm sure you do. Yeah, no, he just doesn't call me after the one night out we had.

It got weird. But, Louise, well done. We're going to send you off to Reading Cinemas, and you have a great week. What a positive start. Thank you. That's awesome. That's why we do this segment.

A little bit of positivity. One of the cockles of our cold hearts. Olivia, I tell you what you want in your heart. Well, mate, how about a nine-year-old from Raglan? Oh, okay. Welcome, Olivia. How are you? Good. Why is it going to be? Oh, okay. Welcome, Olivia. How are you? Good.

Why is it going to be a good day for you today, Olivia? Because we're picking up our puppy. Oh, your puppy. Puppy's nine-year-old. What sort of dog are you getting, Liv? A black Labrador. Oh, cute. Adorable.

And day off school. Yeah, well, enjoy that new puppy, all right? And we're going to send you some movie tickets, all right? Yeah. Good on you, Olivia. Do you know, Friends of ours had a puppy. They've had it for a week, and they've taught it to do more stuff than my dog, who I've had for like five, six years.

I mean, your dog's only talent is being way too excited all the time. That's right. I'm like, oh, all right. Hey, tomorrow on the show, Jack Tame is going to join us from TVNZ1 News. He went to the White House. He interviewed someone inside the White House. Yeah, you're right. He's also now inside quarantine as well.

And he's really interesting what exactly all the things that happen when you're in quarantine. So he's going to join us on the show. As well as that, our big celebrity guest. Who is it? They're going to be with us on Thursday. Producer Humphries has put up a prize. If you can guess who's going to be with us on Thursday. Producer Humphries has put up a prize. If you can guess who's going to be with us on Thursday. Want more Jono and Ben?

You can wake up with the boys' weekdays from sex on The Hits. And via the iHeartRadio app. Jono and Ben on The Hits Breakfast. Friends of Skinny.