Jono, Ben & Megan - The Podcast - November 23 - David Williams, The News In Beeps, What Were You Roped Into Doing?

Episode Date: November 22, 2020

Hello and welcome to Monday! Today we had a great interview with David Walliams. He's a comedian, children's author (they say the new Roald Dahl! Our kids loooove his books) and also a judge on Britain's Got Talent. He's a hilarious man and spilt some secrets about Simon Cowell! Also over the weekend, NZ's oldest mum gave birth at age 64 which is awesome. We also had an interview with Cristin Milioti - she plays Leonardo DiCaprio's wife in The Wolf of Wall Street, she's the mother in How I Met Your Mother, and is now in a new film with Andy Samberg. But we played a bit of a joke on Jono during the interview! Finally, Ben was left to keep an eye on his friend's child when they were out and about, but as you would expect it went a bit wrong and the kid went AWOL!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Jono and Ben, new to your mornings. Friends of Skinny, New Zealand's most recommended telco. Happy, happy, happy, oh, oh. Just when you thought you couldn't get enough of Jono and Ben, you can have them anywhere, anytime. Welcome to the Jono and Ben podcast. Oh my goodness me, welcome to the podcast. Day one of the week there, Ben Boyce.

How was your weekend? It was good, it was good. How about yours? It was good, we popped in for a little bit to produce Humphrey's housewarming. Who's in the studio now, producer Humphrey? Lovely to have you. Was the house warm

after everyone left? Oh, look, can we get a microphone on? Why is he not on? Here we go. Was the house warm? I'm the only one wearing headphones.

This is a shambles. I should put some headphones on. Oh, yeah, look, you just, it feels like you almost want to start the podcast with more of a surprise you're like

here we go we're going to do it we can actually go okay everyone ready for the podcast and away we go I like catching everyone off by surprise

I like catching everyone by surprise but yeah was it a good housewarming it was lovely what was the best gift you got and you don't have

to feel obliged to say it was anything it was Ben's planty ball you were my doorman put those aside put those aside what was theorman. They were both equally. Put those aside.

Put those aside. What was the best gift? Granted, they are top two. They were both equally great. What did you get for housewarming? Because I didn't know if it was a gift-bringing occasion. I got a great hangover. That was the gift. They kept on giving it to the Sunday, right?

You got a messy house. You got another gift? A full recycling bin. Sticky floors. What I do like about hosting a party is you always end up with lots of different beers. Yes. Like, yeah. Yeah, if you come round, you'll go into the Lucky Dip

fridge. You'll have like two or three of like 19 different types of beers. So you can cater for anyone's taste. When someone comes over, you're like oh yeah, I've got a Pilsner. Of course I've got a Pilsner. Why would nobody have a Pilsner? Yeah, I've only got two. I found myself getting a little bit judgy.

Who on earth was drinking Budweiser? Oh, right. You know what a classic play is? And I think I've seen Ben Boyce do it too. He turns up with Hagen. A Hagen. They're all green bottles. And he somehow ends up with a Heineken in his hand every time.

I just grabbed a green bottle, didn't see, and then it's off. You can't see, there's 12 Harkins left in there. Anyway, no, no, it was fun. It was lovely. Caitlin, your lovely partner, she's Jew, so she didn't get to enjoy

the festivities. She just got to witness it and had a very level-headed experience. She remembers everything. Everything. And then Ben had to go to the baby show the next day, didn't you?

He had to go to the... That was for my punishment. Yeah, the baby show. Were they showing any babies to the baby show the next day, didn't you? He had to go to the... That was for my punishment. Yeah, the baby show. Did they show any babies at the baby show, or was it just... I didn't see any babies on show. Was it like a catwalk? They all come out, here's some babies. Wearing the 2020 Huggies range.

Anyway, that was the weekend. But no, fun podcast this morning. David Williams. We spoke to him, comedian, author. Really funny, eh? As morning. David Walliams. We spoke to him, comedian, author. Really funny, eh? As you would expect him to be. I mean, he's hilarious not only on screen, but also his books are very funny. But he was really funny for a chat, so we really enjoyed it.

He was a genuine person. But did you know there was... A genuine person. He was a genuine person. He wasn't a robot. I felt like we talked to him for... A long time. 20 minutes longer than we were allocated.

But we just kept going. It was fun but um he actually we didn't get into this with him changed his name to williams because he's actually david williams yes yeah when he was coming through the ranks there was another david williams i think when he signed up for like an acting uh like a talent agency or something it was another david williams so he was like oh i don't want to be the same name. Because he had been, David Williams had been to university with a Phil Collins, not the Phil Collins who's obviously the famous singer, drummer. So he was like, oh, I don't want to be second fiddle to anyone else.

I want to be the first David Williams, not the second David Williams. Yeah. Because I always thought Williams is an unusual surname. Didn't you think that? Yeah. So it's Williams. It's his real last name, but he's just decided to go with Walliams. Oh, there we go.

He's in the podcast. You go and have a wonderful day and enjoy it. The soggy cornflakes of radio. It's Jono and Ben on the hits. Now, among many other things, he's a world-famous comedic actor. He was on Britain's Got Talent. He's a judge on there as well.

And he's a hugely successful children's author. You know him from the likes of Rat Burger, Gangster Granny, and his brand new book out now called Codename Bananas. He is the very funny David Walliams, and he joins us on Zoom. How's it going? You there? Hello. Hello.

Hello. Is that David? Oh, hello. Are you going to see me or just hear me? We can see you. Are you okay to be seen? Yeah, but am I going to be seen by people, other people? What would you like to do?

No, I don't mind. I just probably wouldn't be lying down. Yeah, well, let's do that. Do you mind me asking, are you in bed at the moment? No, I'm just lying on the sofa and I thought I'd get away with that.

There we go. Oh, yeah, I mean, that looks fine. If you feel like this is a lie down interview, we're happy to conduct it with you. No, no, I don't because if I lie down, I look very fat because

my chin is... How lovely to, well not to be there but just to be at a very safe distance from you both. No, it's lovely to see you. Can I just say from the get-go, thank you so much. You provide so many special moments for my family. My kids and my wife and I

every night, it's a ritual, we go to bed reading one of your books and we're reading Grandpa's Great Escape at the moment. And you probably hear that all the time, but I really mean that. So thank you. Oh, well, it's just such a delight to hear. You know, it's a special thing.

If kids like your books, that's a very special thing. You know, it's like they don't fake it, kids, do they? I'm a parent myself and my son's seven. And, you know, they're not enjoying something. You know about it, don't you, because they don't hide it Have you got children as well? Yes, we've both got kids, like Jono

big fans of the show, in fact I've got my daughter Indy, she's starting to read your new book, Codename Bananas this was her quick review. How's the new David Williams book going? It's going really good, it's awesome I love it. Well fantastic because kids don't lie.

I have funny letters from kids sometimes saying, oh, I like this book, but I thought this other book you did was awful. I'm not sure grown-ups would do that. I think only kids do, but you've got to applaud their honesty. Now, you started out, you were just meant to do a couple of books,

when you only started on to do a couple, and you've ended up with 20-odd? 29. Jeez. 29, jeez. Trying to lose count but yeah i just i mean i i love doing it i love being alone with my imagination i love writing i've also you know got this built up this amazing audience uh around the world you know you guys know about me in new zealand and uh kids they devour books and they're straight on to the next one i mean on the day a book comes

out some kid will send a message to me on social media, a tweet or something, and say, I've finished your new book, when's the next one out? It takes longer to write these books than read them. Give me a chance. Your son, I understand, he's not always the biggest fan of your books.

Is that right? Well, I feel like I don't want to push my books on my son. You know, don't go hey um what should we watch next we watch britain's got talent should we read daddy's book you know it's like then his whole life will be like oh god i couldn't do anything other than just watch my dad on tv and read my dad's books so i let him decide what books he wants to read and he very rarely chooses mine i don't know why you must have it with your with your kids as well you just want to be dad yeah you do i mean i tried to go home and

play ear chicks of our radio shows to him but it wasn't it wasn't flying david uh they're just not interested that much in what their parents do i mean you know i mean as a kid i had a very very vague sense of what my dad did he was actually an an engineer. You know, I just like being dad. I don't want to be like, and I love reading other people's books. So I love to read, like, we're reading the Twits at the moment together by Ryan Dahl, which we're absolutely loving. And so I'd rather do that than read my own book because then I get to read the Twits again.

I actually got a question from my kids who are big fans, much like Jono's. They wanted to ask you something. So here's one of the questions. You're a successful TV comedian. My dad and Jono tried to be successful TV comedians and then their TV show got cancelled. So how can we break the news to them that their radio show isn't working either?

Blimey. Blimey, this is... Wow, okay. Bruisily honest. Well, I think it's going very well on the radio. I think you've got faces for radio. Radio seems like a medium that will be around for years to come. Yeah.

Yeah. You see, he sounds very feisty, that one. I rather like the sound of him. So what's her name? That was Sienna. And I've also got Andy. Andy had a quick question for you as well. Some people like to read books to help them go to sleep.

But did you know in New Zealand that if you can't sleep, then it's best to listen to John Owen Bean's radio show on the hit? Your kids are just roasting us. I should have pre-listened to these before I played with David Williams. They really don't like you. Yeah, it's funny. there wasn't really a question no it's more of a statement from our boss david williams now you guys i understand are in lockdown at the moment oh it's thrilling it's brilliant everything's closed you can't go out you can't

see anybody it's brilliant fun um well actually i'd say thank goodness New Zealand is the great success story isn't it like you did everything right I mean I think probably because no one visits you but I think and we're at the end of the world yeah there's a bit of

yeah I think that's got something to do with it I guess you've been very well led you know I know but we're bragging about it though even though all those factors play into our favour we're like I know, but we're bragging about it, though. Even though all those factors play into our favour, we're like, we're COVID-free.

A team of five million, we're doing great. You know, we're not factoring in that New York's got 20 million people or whatever living in it. No, no, it's different. But, you know, good for you guys. I mean, you're obviously good at sort of listening and doing what, you know, your government asks you to do. That is very nice.

It does feel like a time in history when we're all sort of 80 and 90 years old. We're going to be boring our grandchildren with, oh, in 2020, you weren't allowed out of the house. It's one of those moments. Like the war, obviously, in your book. This is kind of it for us, I guess. Yeah, I suppose so.

I just think we're perhaps dramatising, over-dramatising it a bit because people start talking about it as if it's like the Second World War or something like that. It's like, well, you had to stay indoors. Yeah, watch the Netflix. You had Netflix and you had, you know, Amazon Prime.

Bad example, bad example. You had the internet and everything else. It wasn't that bad, was it? You weren't actually being asked to fight for your country. It wasn't going to be D-Day landings, is it? You know, sitting at home to fight for your country. It wasn't only three-day landings, is it? Sitting at home eating crisps. That was a bad example. The worst thing is we're asked to be done is wear a face mask

and we're all like, oh, God. Oh, my God, and I had to wear a face mask when I went out. It's like... Good perspective. Simon Cowell, very dear friend of yours, I imagine. We just wanted to talk to you. He's had a consistent fashion over the years With a V-neck t-shirt

How many has he got in the bank? Okay, let me This is a secret that I've never told anyone So I asked him, I said Where do you get t-shirts from? He said I have them handmade for me in Italy I was thinking they don't even fit you I don't even know

How you'd have a bespoke t-shirt i mean you know t's a t-shirt just buying one like a normal person made for you by a tailor in milan um but he also okay this this this must go no further but he also has these shoes made from baluti because he's not very tall so he has these shoes made from Baluti because he's not very tall. So he has these shoes made from this Italian boot. You know this is going to go further. You know that's right. And they have a heel on them.

One time we were travelling by plane and you know you have to take your shoes off to go through the scanner. Well, out of the corner of my eye I saw this tiny little person. Who's that? You know when you see someone

out of the corner of your eye. And I looked and I'm like, oh my God, it's Simon. He's that? You know when you see someone out the corner of your eye? And I looked and I'm like, oh my god, it's Simon. He is about a foot shorter than he normally

was. It was like a heel, probably something in size as well. I'm going to get sacked. You guys have

got me sacked. Who's this little child I'm trembling with? He's a lot of fun to work with and we really like to wind each other up. Didn't he break his back recently?

Yeah, he broke his back, didn't he? Just before lockdown. Yeah, he hurt his back. He fell off an electric bike. He likes electric bikes and he fell off and hurt his back. I think if he'd have been on a tandem with me, he'd have fallen onto me

and I would have pushed him to blood. Yeah, and he's had some time off, which is really unlike him because he's always just working. So he's been in Los Angeles for a long time. And we've been making the show in the UK without him. And the good thing is it means we can start on time because he's normally about five hours late. He didn't know rush to start.

Lights up up cigarettes, starts chatting, stuff like that. You're going, sorry, we've been here for five hours. Can we please start?

But that's how he rolls, you know, and he's the boss and so he can do what he likes. But he's a brilliant character and he has got a good heart as well.

He's very kind to people, very generous. He said this thing, you're only happy when I'm unhappy and I'm only happy when you're happy that's a great relationship brothers who sort of love each other and hate each other in equal measure and he's really competitive and he hates that my books do really well yeah i was gonna say what does he think about your books does he even well he just he thinks that i really need to give him 50% of the royalty

of the books because no one would buy them if it wasn't him, no one would have heard of me if it wasn't Simon Cowell, so that's his take on the whole thing this sounds like a beautifully toxic relationship I love it, I love it we love to hate each other

David we just wanted to end quickly with one thing we've got some quotes. Some are from your books and some quotes we've made up. Now, you've written, as you mentioned, 29 books and we were just going to read out a line from the book and you've got to tell us whether it's from one of your books or from somewhere else. It could be Shakespeare or something because a lot of people

compare me to Shakespeare. I haven't read that but maybe I haven't read enough reviews. 2020 Shakespeare is a review I read. Okay, the first line. Whose line is it anyway we'll call this? I don't know if that's trademark I haven't read enough reviews. It was the 2020 Shakespeare is a review I read. Okay, the first line. Whose line is it anyway? We'll call this. I don't know if that's trademarked. The mad butcher wielded a giant meat cleaver and cried,

you can't beat the mad butcher's meat. Is that from one of your books or from something else? That's not me. That's not me. No, well done. That is from one of our local butchers whose jingle is, you just can't beat the mad butcher's meat. Yeah, you just can't beat the Mad Butcher's meat. Can I ask you, just beat the meat means the same thing

as it does here? Yeah, well, it can. And it can't be beaten on prices, and that's the main thing. That's the main thing. Yeah. No, I don't think I'd have a joke about that. Not for a kid's book. Okay, the next quote.

It was so lazy she would order Zoe to pick her nose for her, though, of course, Zoe always said no. That kid's book. Okay, the next quote. He was so lazy, she would order Zoe to pick her nose for her. Though, of course, Zoe always said no. That is my book. That is Ratburger. Yeah. Ratburger, well done. You're good at remembering stuff you wrote. Next line.

They took the broken car windscreen to the repair shop where the small boarding man remarked, all right, mister, show us your crack. No, that's not me. Oh, you had to think about it, though. No, that wasn't me. I was thinking for a second, I do have a couple of cars in my book,

but I was thinking I wouldn't make a joke about crack. Well, there is another ad on Radio New Zealand. Oh, Novus. Show us your crack. Oh, Novus. When you find your vision lagging, Novus, whisper, you're cracking. Show us your crack.

Oh, Novus. There's a theme here which is you have pretty rude adverts that shows you how to beat the meat. Is it like a thing

people just like to do something like that? It's a thing. I mean, very lowbrow humour down here at the end of the world. Yeah.

And I've just realised all we're doing is playing radio jingles to David Williams. Well, I'm enjoying it. I'm loving it. And then the final one,

is this from one of your books or from one of our TV or radio ads in New Zealand? Unfortunately for Ben and Granny, it turns out that ancient poo still does pong. That's Gangster Granny. That's Gangster Granny. Great book. That's one of my masterpieces.

It's one of my masterpieces. I do remember that. Yeah, I can remember what I wrote. Some people think that I have a ghostwriter or something, but I do actually have to write them myself. It's so funny. Some people go, oh, they're rubbish, and he doesn't even write them. And I was thinking, well, he can't have it both ways.

I know I write them and they're rubbish. Or someone else writes them. He can't have it both ways. I feel like we've gone grossly over time talking with you but it's been so fun. Thanks for hanging out, David. It's been really fun.

We must do this again tomorrow. We'd love to. I'm sure you wouldn't. We'll see if our radio bosses can afford your exorbitant salary. I did this for free. I mean, I'm kicking myself now.

Thank you so much. It's so much fun. We love your work. Both we do and the kids and everyone. It's so much fun. We love your work. Both we do and the kids and everyone. It's awesome. Big fans for a long time. I'll give my love to the kids

and hopefully when I come over I can see you guys in person. Remember to double pump the virgles. It's Jono and Ben on the hits. Pretty cool news over the weekend. New Zealand has its oldest mum. Our lady gave birth

at 64 years old. That is remarkable. Yeah, this is awesome. So great. Great news. Who's to say you can't do that? No one. No one can stop you from doing that. Well, that's amazing, isn't it? I always think like, okay,

when they're 20, mum's going to be 84. Right. I want to put it in that perspective. I've got relatively older parents compared to my friends. Annie and Joanna came along unexpected. Bang, out of nowhere. Out of nowhere. Just a night of passion.

And I turned up late in life, so they weren't expecting me, and they couldn't have been happier. He said to the guy who said, my parents keep ignoring me. They replied to my text. They still haven't texted back. They still don't reply back. We had a competition on Friday whose parents loved them more, and we sent a text, and it was like, love you,

and Ben wanted to get some topicality in there have you seen the Team New Zealand boat you got a response within a minute of my dad my dad straight away my mum within a

half an hour three days later still nothing from Annie and John I don't know what their thoughts are on the Team New Zealand boat we need to find out but anyway what we're talking about

oh yeah that lady who's 64 well done her well done her that's great that's amazing so I clicked on this article classic me hands up guilty got click baited again Ben Well, well done her. Well done her. That's great. It's amazing. So I clicked on this article. Classic me.

Hands up guilty. Got click baited again, Ben. And I fell into another semi-related article. Because you know how you read them? It's like, here's a related article to this article. Articles you might like as well. Yeah, you sort of end up an article inception. Yeah, you're like, I guess I'll do this.

And then you're like, where did I start? And where did I end up here? And I landed on an article where scientists have collectively agreed on the perfect age. What is the perfect age? Now, this isn't for giving birth or partying or whatever or having babies or whatever. It's just this is what they deem the perfect age. In life. In life. What do you think it would be?

Well, is it to do with where you are, you know, like in your stage of life? Listen, I won't say it yet. Oh, 800 of the hits. You can guess. Four, four, eight, seven on the text. What do you think is life's perfect age, according to scientists? I'll say it's not what you think it is. It wasn't what I thought it would be.

Okay. It wasn't what I would have picked as the perfect age. I would have thought in your 30s, but I'm just guessing. I'm just, I don't know. I don't know. Okay. It wasn't what I would have picked as the perfect age? I would have thought in your 30s, but I'm just guessing. I'm just, I don't know. I don't know. Okay, I will open it. Juliet, what do you think

as a 22-year-old? I'm going to say 25. 25, the perfect age? I'm going to say 32. No, no. Okay. No, 0800, the hits. What do you think

is scientifically proven as the most perfect age? We'll get these on. We'll play this game, eh? All right. I'll make you know some information and it's like I'll dangle the carrot in front of you. Just don't Google it, okay?

So we'll go to the phone. Sorry, our screen's off. What have we got, Ju? Oh, we've got Shay first. Shay, welcome. How are you to New Zealand's breakfast? Shay, how are you, buddy? Hey, team.

I'm good. How are you? Oh, lovely. Jeez, you sound alive and sprightly. You need to be doing our job. Oh, thank you. Okay, I'll come in tomorrow and I'll take over. Yeah, no, do that, do that,

because we're doing a shocking job with this. Now, what do you think the perfect age is, Shay? Oh, I've got to say 34. That's my age at the moment, and I'm loving it. So that's my call. Why? You've got a job, you're stable. Yeah, exactly.

And plus, you can't beat your dirty 30s. You've got to make the most of them. So you've got to just live it. Yeah, no, I haven't been too dirty in my 30s. I've been very hygienic. Oh, you guys, come on. You're missing out. So 34, is that correct, Jonah?

No, it's not 34. Not 34, Shay. It is a good guess, though. And again, it's not the age you'll think it is. Brenda, you're on the air, more or less. New Zealand's breakfast with you. What is the perfect age, according to this article? Is it 28? No, you're on the air more than New Zealand's breakfast with you. What is the perfect age according to this article? Is it 28? No, it's

not 28. Although again, 28 was a great year. Fine year. What were you doing when you were 28? I'm not 28 yet. Oh, you're just looking forward to it. Why do you think 28 is going to be so good for you, Brenda? Just because a lot of my friends start having

a baby around 28 That's true There's somewhere in the age Where people can start to settle down Around late 20s, you know Yeah, no, it's not 28, we'll take one more on this We'll go to Nicole

Welcome, Nicole You're on the air What do they reckon The perfect age is, Nicole? I think early retirement 65, 66 When hopefully everything's paid off And your life's kind of settling

But you're not full of aches and pains yet? Well, I tell you what, you're very close and your theory is on the right path. The correct age, apparently the most perfect age, age 50. Really? 50 is apparently the most perfect age and it all comes down to, like Nicole was just saying, more often than not, you set up financially.

The kids, you've done the heavy lifting but now you just get to enjoy the fruits of your labour. You get to enjoy their grandkids if they've got it. You know, you all care no responsibility. You're young enough to go travelling comfortably. You've still got a bit of zest in you. Still got a bit of kick in that step. Life hasn't beaten you down too much yet. Oh, yeah.

50. Well, that's a good feeling, isn't it? It's a great feeling. It's still to come. It's still to come. Maybe if you've been 50, would you say it was your perfect year? You could text 4487, but that's what we've got to look forward to. Juju?

50, mate. Yeah, it's a wee while away. I love articles like this because it makes you feel young AF. It's good for your Monday. Oh, gee, I've still got another 12 or so years till I hit that ripe old age. Serving bowls of lolls for breakfast. Actual lolls may not be served.

It's Jono and Ben on the heads. Now, last week, we got given a cake from Disney+, because it was their one-year birthday. Their plus-iversary. The pun just doesn't sit with me. You weren't that happy. You were happy about the cake, not happy about the pun. I love the cake.

And I love the Disney Plus streaming service as well. But we thought we'd give the cake out to the office, you know, share it around. And then you decided at the last minute to zone in on lovely Finn, who works out in the office. And Finn was sitting there and you were just like, let's just make it Finn's birthday. And we all started singing.

Happy birthday to you. And there's no more confusing moment in a person's life when they are celebrating a birthday. And it's not their birthday. He was... Finn was very confused, right? Looking at us, looking at the cake, looking around, the whole office joins in

because why would they second guess it? And everyone's like, oh yeah, it's us. Finn, it's your birthday. Yeah, as soon as a happy birthday starts up, you automatically assume it's their birthday. Why wouldn't it be? He went through the whole song, the whole office singing,

and it wasn't until the end of the song, he went, oh, it's not actually my birthday. We thought, this is great. We can turn this a game uh where we test the honesty of people so we just phone uh strangers at random and then uh start singing happy birthday the timer starts as soon as the first we kick it off there yeah and then from that point on how long it takes for them to tell us it's not actually their birthday i mean, we'll hit the jackpot if it is someone's birthday. I know. All right, let's make a call.

Kerry speaking. How may I help you? Hi, who's that? Sorry? It's Kerry. Oh, hi, Kerry. Hi. How are you?

Well, thanks, and you? Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday, dear Kerry. Happy birthday to you. Hip, hip. Hooray. Hip, hip.

Hooray. Hip, hip. Hooray. Happy birthday, Kerry. Oh, thank you. It's not really my birthday, but thank you. Oh, not bad. Okay, not bad.

That was 10 seconds on the clock. It's Jono and Ben here from the Hits radio station. We're just playing a new game called It's Not My Birthday to see how long it would take you to say it's not my birthday. I was enjoying the singing, so I couldn't stop you. Oh, okay. All right. You're in the lead at the moment.

Okay, great. You're like, what? Hey, Kerry, you hold the line. It's not your birthday, but we want to give you a present anyway. You hold the line. We're going to send you a prize, okay? Thank you. Thank you. No worries. Happy birthday, Kerry, you hold the line. It's not your birthday, but we want to give you a present anyway. You hold the line. We're going to send you a prize, okay? Thank you. Thank you.

No worries. Happy birthday, Kerry. Thank you. Kerry, Kerry's in sleep. For what? It was quite fun, wasn't it? Okay, so 10 seconds. The time to beat.

Let's go through this next number, the happy birthday game. Hello, it's Belinda speaking. Oh, Belinda. Yes. Yes. Good. Today's the day. Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to you.

What the hell? Happy birthday, dear Belinda. Happy birthday to you. Let me hear a hip, hip. Hooray. Hip, hip. Hooray. Hip, hip.

Hooray. Happy birthday, Belinda. What the hell? Well done. Happy birthdayay. Hip, hip. Hooray. Hip, hip. Hooray. Happy birthday, Belinda. What the hell? Well done. Happy birthday. You have a good day? Yes, I am. What are your wishes?

Well, I'm working. You should have got the day off. I know, right? Yeah, exactly. Are you going out for dinner or anything? Potentially. Awesome. And what are you wanting for your birthday?

What am I wanting? Sunshine. Oh, sunshine. That's a wonderful shirt. Is it sunshining today on your birthday? It is. How old are you turning, if you don't mind me asking? I'm not going to tell you that.

Oh, no, fair enough. You never want to divulge your age. Another year wiser, that's what they say, right? Absolutely. Yeah, Belinda. Well, look, happy birthday, Bel enough. You never want to divulge your age. No, the year-wise, that's what they say, right? Absolutely. Yeah, Belinda. Well, look. Happy birthday, Belinda. Thank you.

Can we be honest with you, Belinda? Yes. Okay, it's John. Please do. It's John from the Hits radio station. Oh, hey. Hey, we're playing a game, singing happy birthday to people that weren't having a birthday to see how long they would, until they stopped us.

You haven't stopped us. You've played a lot. I wasn't going to stop you. You have lied to us that it's your birthday. You've just like, oh, I'll roll with this. I didn't lie.

I just didn't tell you the truth. Yeah, you're right. Actually, you didn't say anything otherwise. You just went, yeah. And who's to say if not telling the truth is lying? I don't think that's...

Well, because she's like, what do you want for your birthday? Well, it's not to say it was today. It was just to say when my birthday happens. Well, Belinda, it's not your birthday, I presume, right? No, no. Okay, well, we'd like to give you. Well, Belinda, it's not your birthday, I presume, right?

No, not. Okay, well, we'd like to give you a prize anyway, a present anyway for your birthday, okay? Oh, yeah. Well, thanks for calling.

Hold the line, Belinda. We'll send you out something, all right? Thank you. Eggs for breakfast. It's Jono and Ben on the hits. Now, on the weekend, Jono was out

with one of my mates and we went into town and he had his three-year-old boy with us and we're sort of just walking around some shops and there was an area of shops, there's like a little square

where people sit around and lounge around and it's got little water fountains that sort of pop up and so it's quite a big area. Those are shocking for, I see toddlers wandering around getting doused in the water sprinklers. Yeah, well because this is quite attracting you know, like toddlers and water fountains are like,

oh, there's some sort of magnet going on, right? I must get soaking wet. In the most inconvenient location. Yeah, in the middle of town around nothing. So I'd kind of forgotten, because my kids are obviously a few years older than a three-year-old boy, so I kind of forgot how much kids love the sort of water fountains and getting soaked.

So my mate's like, I just want to whip into the shop. Do you want to just keep a quick eye on my child who's sitting outside? I'm like, yeah, no worries. And it felt like in the time I'd said, yeah, no worries. This little kid, it whipped off his top and his shorts.

Frolicking in the water. And I was trying to take off his undies as well at the time running towards the water. I was like, whoa, whoa, whoa, not with the undies as well because you know what the last thing you want is a kid nude running around who's three but it's cute though isn't it i mean when does it stop being cute and start becoming lewd behavior at what age

i know we've tried it a couple of times and uh the authorities they frown cute when we do it right so anyway i ended up chasing this little this little kid who's running towards the thing he's in is trying to take off his undies i'm like keep your undies i'll keep your undies on you're like and then i'm like i'm chasing a kid who's probably three years old. Not my own son. No, he's like, you're not my dad. And you're chasing after him. You're like, oh, this is a bad look.

It's a bad look. He's been chasing around a little boy in undies. And I'm like, whoa, whoa, whoa. You know, but really trying to get him back through his father. But also going, whoa, whoa, whoa. Keeping your distance. Whoa, whoa, whoa. It's like a standoff.

Okay, buddy. Don't make a move. And then me and my friend walks back out of the shop and just you know sounds like dreams he's like I was gone for 90 seconds

I'm like I'm so sorry you just went straight for it I couldn't do anything it was like yeah it's amazing you just one minute you're looking

one way next minute it's like oh my god he's running straight towards me yeah no it's cool being responsible Ben is that what it is yeah no they say

you know when you say I'll look after your kid, it means that you'll have an eye on them, you know, for the majority of the time, 90% of the time. Well, I did,

and I enjoyed watching him run around through the water and then handing him back to his dad. Did you hand him back like a stinky, soaking wet rat? Yeah, like,

it's yours now. You can take it now. There we go. It's your problem. Alive and well. Want more Jono and Ben? You can catch up with the boys anytime. Just search Jono and Ben on Facebook.

Now, Kristen Milioti, she's a very talented and funny Hollywood actor. She was the mother on the huge sitcom How I Met Your Mother. I know it's bad luck to see the bride in her dress, but I couldn't miss this. I want to get a picture. Get in. I want to take a picture of you guys. Come on. Spoiler alert if you haven't seen the end of that series and you didn't work out who the mother was. I want to get a picture get in I want to take a picture of you guys come on spoiler alert

if you haven't seen the end of that series and you didn't work out who the mother was she also got to act alongside and she also got to slap Leonardo DiCaprio

as his wife in Wolf of Wall Street you get out of the car relax sweetheart relax oh slap she slapped him

many times in the face Leonardo DiCaprio looked like it wasn't acting, too. And she also stars right now with Andy Samberg. You'll know him from Brooklyn Nine-Nine. It's a brand-new, hilarious comedy. Watch it over the weekend. It's very good.

It's called Palm Springs. It's available now on Amazon Prime. It's one of those infinite time loop situations you might have heard about. That I might have heard about. The second you fall asleep, it all just goes back to the start. I drove all the way back home to Austin, and I still woke up here. And over the weekend, we were both meant to catch up with Kristen, weren't we, Jono? Yeah, listen, there was a mixer, okay?

I put it in my diary, and I should have put it in my calendar. Not my diary. Not my dear diary that I write in every night, because that's where I don't look for appointments. And so I may or may not have forgotten about it. And the good thing was you didn't publicly shame me with Kristen. No, not at all. I didn't start with it, but I did definitely work it into the interview.

But, you know, not even a pretext. Hey, mate, you're not here. Like, no, no, you thought, I know what I'll do here. I know what I'll do here. So yesterday I caught up with Kristen Milioti to talk about a brand new movie, Palm Springs, and of course I asked her how she was going. Good, it's going okay. Well,oti to talk about a brand new movie, Palm Springs, and of course I asked her how she was going. Good, it's going okay.

Well, nice to talk to you. This movie looks amazing. Oh, thank you. In the movie, you and Andy Samberg, you get stuck in a sort of time loop. You have the same day over and over again. Quite confusing to film, I imagine. It is, but I mean, that's also the blast of it all.

You know, it's very challenging in a great way and um it's like solving a puzzle uh and so i loved it is it true they made you memorize five pages of lines uh which was basically about quantum physics or something and then they never made the cut that is very true we worked with a scientist who's in the film actually um and he basically wrote explanation of how the time loop is possible and how you get out of it. And I memorized this. Five pages? Yes, endless monologue about quantum physics and all this stuff.

And apparently when they screened it for friends and family, no one cared. They were like, we don't need that part. They were like, we don't care at this point. We've accepted the time loop. No one cares why it's there. But you're like, I care. I learned this. I stayed awake for weeks. I learned about it.

And it was like one of those things where I was constantly like mumbling it Time loop, no one cares why it's there. But you're like, I care. I learned this. I stayed awake for weeks. Yeah, I learned about it. And it was like one of those things where I was constantly like mumbling it under my breath, like at the grocery store being like, and then if you, and if the centrifugal force, and the energy, like over and over and over and over. It's fine. I don't, I think even if it ended up on like a DVD extras,

it'd probably be so boring. Joined by Kristen Milioti, you'll know it from How I Met Your Mother. She's in the new movie Palm Springs with Andy Samberg. Hey, Andy Samberg, got to ask, he seems like a lovely guy,

but really, what's deep, dark secrets about him? Behind the scenes, is he a monster? Please tell me that. He's a monster, yeah. No, he's a monster.

He's an unbridled monster. No, he's wonderful. He's a blast. He's an absolute ball. And I was very, very grateful to have a partner like that. Do you know what? Can I be honest with you, Kristen?

No. Okay, wrap it up. Nice to talk to you. See you later, mate. No, we're done. So I have a partner on this radio show. His name is Jono. Now, he's not here.

He's meant to be here. Now, I think it was a confusion with the time. Can we just call him now and see where he is? Absolutely. Okay, can we call him? Let's call him. Okay. Okay, can we call him? Let's call him. Okay, okay. Do you want to talk or should I talk?

I'll talk. Okay, all right, over to you. Hello? Hi, John, how are you? Good. Who's this? This is Kristen Milioti. Just calling to say hi.

Hi. How are you? Oh f*** The little something you're meant to be doing right now This is Kristen Where the hell are you? I thought this was tomorrow No, this is today right now We're in the middle of an interview

Listen, I blame this on the international time zone Alright day right now. We're in the middle of an interview. Oh, s***. Listen, I blame this on the international time zone. Oh, right. International time zone. Sounds suspicious. She's not buying it. Alright, what do you want to say to Kristen? What's your one question then, Jono? How fun was it making the movie? Oh, God. Hang up on him. Hang up

on him. I'm sorry about that, Kristen. How fun was it making the movie? Jeez, I'm glad he wasn't here. I'm joined by Kristen, Kristen. How fun was it making the movie? Jeez, I'm glad he wasn't here. Yeah. I'm joined by Kristen Miliardi. She's in the new movie Palm Springs with Andy Samberg. And now the movie, obviously, you get the opportunity to have the same day over and over again, right?

And I'm going to mention days that actually happened in your life. You tell me if you want to have that same day again or you're happy just to have it once, all right? Okay, great. Okay, so the day your character got to slap Leonardo DiCaprio on Wolf of Wall Street, would you have that day again? Sure, I would take that day. You'd take that day again? Okay. Got to slap Leo? Okay. The day you almost got hit by a bus that had your own face on the side of the bus. Wow. You've done a deep dive. No, I would not. Okay. Okay. But that actually happened? That you almost got hit by a bus with your face on it?

Yes, that's right. Okay. And today, what about today? Like this interview with a whole lot of other interviews in a loop, what about today? Every day is a good day, honestly. Even the bad ones. I would repeat today.

Okay. So today, okay. So not great for this interview if you're like, hey, this is one of the bad ones. No, no, no. I'd repeat. No, no, no. I mean like it was a day alive, so it was good.

Okay. It's a day alive. I'll take that. My interview with Kristen, a day alive. She mean, like, it was a day alive, so it was good. Okay, it's a day alive. I'll take that. My interview with Kristen, a day alive. She'd take it. It was an interview. A day alive. It happens.

We have a finite amount of time on this planet. Yeah, okay. And you're spinning. Oh, hey, I'll get 10 minutes with you. So that's nice. That's good. You filmed multiple endings, I understand, for Palm Springs. We did, yeah.

We did. Can we do multiple endings to this interview? I need to wrap it up now. So one where things have gone great. It's been fun. We're like, Kristen, this has been a lot. Jeez, we've had a fun time. What a ball.

I'd say one of the great interviews, one of the great days. Johnno was there. Yeah, he was there. Johnno was there. That was great. He was in the room. Oh, such a great. Yeah, Johnno.

Remember when Johnno was on? Oh, we had a lot of fun. So thank you so much for your time. I really appreciate it. Okay, now one where that's been shocking. You don't ever want to talk to us again. Okay, go. Alright. Thanks so much. I need to go. Thank you.

Okay. Thank you. Thank you. She didn't actually hang up. We just put the hang up. Did you put the hang up? I thought it was a good end to there. She was great. Lots of fun. Kristen Milioti and the movie's awesome with Andy Sandberg.

I like the bit where you phone me and I forgot about the interview. Thanks. Thanks for doing that. That was one of my favourite bits as well.

You could have just done it. You could have just done it. No one would have asked any questions. No, you're true. She had no idea. Any other show would have just ignored it.

I thought it would make it into a bit. We did. We made it into a bit. She enjoyed it. She met the end. She was like, remember when Giana was there

and we had fun? Yeah, no, I hung up and I was like, oh, I felt so bad. I felt so bad. All good, we get to relive it on the radio. Palm Springs on Amazon Prime. Just like a chocolate milkshake, only white and disappointing.

It's Jono and Ben on the hits. Yeah, you wake up quite early for this job in the morning and I'm sure a lot of people listening probably get up quite early and I don't know if this is a common thing, but do you find yourself even on the weekends getting up relatively early? Well, I guess even like 7 o'clock is a sleep in. And it feels great, doesn't it? Well, before that wouldn't be a sleep in, right?

Yeah, 6 o'clock's fine on the weekend. For me, you feel like you've had a wonderful night's sleep. So I'm dottering around the house at about 6.30, and in the distance I'm like, no, no one would be doing that. Sound like $20 carry. Yeah, you did. Wears me 20 bucks. Yeah.

And I could hear in the distance, now this wasn't any direct neighbour of mine, someone was mowing their lawns at 6.43am. And I went out and I went, no. Yeah, I know. They are. They're mowing their lawns at 6.43am. And I went out and I went, no. They are. They're mowing their lawns. I couldn't believe it. 6.43am. It's early for a weekend. Yeah, I mean, I imagine if you had to get

lawns mowed, that would be the time you would do it. You would get up, you've got your spreadsheet of things you need to achieve. You need to be considerate about the other people in the neighbourhood. You probably want to do it. You know, you probably want to get it done, get it out of the way. But lawns, you know me and lawns

is not my thing. No, he put in fake grass. He glued grass on the ground. Yeah, because last time I put the wrong, I got shamed out of the bloody lawnmower store because I put the wrong

oil or petrol or something. Two stroke, one stroke, something, I don't know. Well, I'm glad you learnt even after you went in there what you did. I did something, I don't know. I was like, I'm smoking quite after you went in there what you did. I did something I don't know.

I was like, I'm smoking quite a lot. This thing is not working well. They're like, what did you put in? I don't know. Some liquid? It was brown.

So anyway, I hadn't put the wrong one in. They had to drain it. They shamed out of the thing. It was one of those ones where they didn't charge me, you know, and it was always

because they enjoyed the occasion too much of going, oh, that guy. They must have regaled that tale many times. Oh, this guy walked in. Yeah. of going, oh, that guy. They must have regaled that tale many times. Oh, this guy will do. Yeah.

So, yeah, no, that was awful. That was a great one. What time is an acceptable hour on the clock to mow your lawn? In the weekend. I even think nine's pushing it. Yeah. Oh, really? Maybe it's got to be after eight in the weekends at least, right?

What do you reckon, Juju? I was going to say like eight o'clock. You could probably start doing it from 8 o'clock. 8 o'clock? But, Jono, I feel like you love mowing lawns. Isn't that a big hobby of yours? Oh, listen, I would love nothing more than to get out there at quarter to 7 in the morning.

But you can't. I see. Well, you're up too early. Too early. You do love mowing lawns. It's one of your favourite things, isn't it? Yeah. Well, I always, old house we lived in,

we lived down the road from professional athlete, boxer, former rugby league player, and all- around muscly, healthy human being, Monty Beetham. You know, he's just like, when you see a picture of a well-developed human, you're like, this is, his body's there. And so Monty, he's fit. He's running around. He's doing stuff.

I'm out there mowing the lawns. I think I was drinking a beer and pushing the lawnmower at the same time as he went past. And I'm like, hello, mate, wave across the road. And then he comes back an hour later and I'm passed out on the lawn, surrounded by five more bottles. The lawns have really been mowed. The lawnmower's still just... And he had to resuscitate me and bring me back to life. But it's the wonderful man that Monty Beetham is.

Hey, you've got toothpaste on the side of your mouth. It's Jono and Ben on my heads. Now, my daughter Sienna went to camp last week. They had a one-night bonanza, didn't they? They did. One wild night. We walked up Rangitoto. They went mountain biking and stuff.

They went to tree adventures. They had a lot of fun. Did they camp on Rangitoto? No, no, they didn't. She ended up camping in the school grounds because it was one of those things that because of COVID it wasn't going to happen and in the end

they decided to happen. Oh, they pivoted? That's a wonderful pivot. Put it together. But she'd forgotten her pillow. I noticed this when I got home. So I was like, oh, maybe I should, you know,

drop down the pillow before the evening, you know, before. Yeah, just drop it off. And so I went down to drop it off and I noticed there was a whole lot

of other parents. They were all putting up all the tents oh don't you love people who help I'm not a helper yeah mainly because I've got

no skills but I really do I admire and appreciate the people the parents and anyone in the community who actually rolls their sleeves up

and helps so these people so the parents putting up the tents those people obviously helping on the walk going up Rangitoto the better parents better than you and there was people obviously helping on the walk, going up Rangitoto. The better parents.

Better than you. And so when I went to give the pillow, they were like, oh, you've come to help. It's one of those situations where you're like, well, no, I haven't. I've just come to drop off a pillow. And I'm like, oh, now I'm like, oh, I really regret bringing the pillow along.

She could have slept on the cold dead grass. Because I was like, oh, all these other lovely, as you said, lovely parents. Great people, yep. They're doing, oh, yeah. And so what did you do? Helping for a couple of hours, helping bring up tents. Oh, no, I don't pick you as a tent erection specialist. No, not at all.

Do you know what you're doing when it comes to putting up tents? No, I was a follower. Like, I was definitely a sheep in that. They're like, hold this, put this there, tie that there. You're like, okay, I can take instruction. Yeah, but in that situation, but I was like, oh, I really just turned up to give a pillow and then ended up, you know, going, oh, these wonderful people are giving up their time.

I need to help out. How long did you stay for? It was probably like an hour or two. I don't know. I was just like, oh, but really, it was just going to be one of those quick, go in, drop the pillow, all right, you know. What you should have done is just driven past the school at 120 k's an hour,

chuck the pillow out the window. There's a pillow! Did you get a pillow? Like getting something into, like contraband into a prison. Into prison, yeah. That would have been the safer option. Yeah, I wish I'd done that. Apart from driving at 120 k's through suburban streets, that's not safe.

Definitely not the safe option. But I want to know this morning, what have you been roped into doing? Whether it was for your work, whether it was for your family, for home. What's the one thing you're like, oh, I really got roped into? And you couldn't say no to it.

No, you just got roped into that. Well, you've got a story that we'll have to share with you next about a former colleague of ours who went on, remember we went on like a 14 hour round trip? Oh, yes.

To pick up those things. Yes. We'll tell you about that shortly. 0800 the hits though, what were you roped into doing? 4487 on the text. Let's go to the phones. 0800 The Hits, what did you get roped into doing? We'll go to Georgia. Welcome, how are ya?

Good, how are you? Oh we're doing well Georgia. Lovely to have you on New Zealand's Breakfast. What did you get roped into doing? So I got roped into helping a friend move house, which I thought was all in well, you know, lifting some boxes here and there. But when I turned up, he hadn't packed yet.

Oh, do the prep work, at least if you're going to ask someone to help you. So you had to pack up, move the stuff, and then unpack it at the other end? Yep. Oh, you are a saint. Did he give you anything for it? No, no. end? Yep. Oh, you are a saint. Did he give you anything for it? No.

No. Can I just say to you, you sound about 60% awake. Still got that little bit of tiredness in your voice. Hey, thanks for calling, George. Appreciate it. No one ever likes helping people move house, do they? No. That was always Jeremy,

our friend's claim to fame. He's like, I love you so much, I'd even help you move house. Which was his way of saying how much he liked you. Yeah, yeah. And I never cashed it in. Although, Ben, you had another thing. You're like, I will never help you move house. And you just agree with me that you'll never help me. We have a universal agreement that none of us will ever ask the other person to help you move house.

And then no one's disappointed. Yeah. No one feels like they owe a move as well when someone's helped you out. Let's go to Kimbo. Welcome. Morena, Kim, what did you get roped into doing? The strangest school fundraiser I've ever been roped into. So my kids go to a country school,

and their school fundraiser is called chicken flicking and basically what it entails is going into 32 degree sheds and flicking out these day old chickens what do you flick them to into the shed onto the sawdust so they're like almost in bread trays i guess, and you just grab it and tilt it and flick it into the sawdust. You've explained it and I still don't know what it is you were doing. Look it up on YouTube.

It's just bizarre. Chicken flicking. Chicken flicking. Not choking. Chicken flicking. I like a euphemism. Yeah. Okay. Okay, chicken flicking. All right, I'm going to have a look during the next song,

and I'm sure a lot of people are as well. Is it not safe to look at? NSFW? You won't want to see this guy flicking chickens. Jono was caught flicking his chickens. Okay, no. All right, thank you very much. You have a lovely day.

You're welcome. Yes, Kim. Thank you very much. You have a lovely day. You're welcome. Yes, Kim. All right, we'll leave it there. I don't know if we can... Can we pull it back from chicken? I don't think so. New Zealand's breakfast. Just don't eat them.

They're chewy. It's Jono and Ben on the hits. Spy. Go on, start spy.co.nz. The famous playwright, William Shakespeare, claimed that Juliet was in love with Romeo, but he was wrong. Her one true love was pointless celebrity gossip.

And that's what she does every morning. Drew, what's happening? So Joseph Gordon-Levitt, he is in New Zealand. He's in Inception, Ten Things I Hate About You, The Dark Knight. So he's a big Hollywood actor. He's in Wellington and he's... Oh, yeah. You know the guy.

I know the guy. He's like, when you see his face, you Oh yeah, you know the guy. I know the guy. He's like, when you see his face, you're like, oh, that guy. Inception, as you say, he was in a sitcom as well, A Third Rock from the Sun, yeah. So he is in Wellington and sprung a surprise visit to a little cinema in Wellington called Roxy Cinema and then went on Instagram, or prior to going to the cinema, he went on Instagram and said to fans,

I want to go watch a movie. Wellingtonians, come along, I'll be there. And it just sold out and the cinema has just been, fans just flocked the cinema in Wellington because Joseph Gordon-Levitt invited people to go see a movie with him. What a lovely guy. Risky, risky.

You never know who's going to turn up with an open date invite, do you? But he was obviously casting the net wide and far. Safety in numbers and a good turnout in New Zealand. We love a famous person in the country. We will come flocking. I don't care. There was probably someone there halfway through an open heart surgery. The surgeon. He left

the person to die on the operating theatre just so he could watch a movie with Joseph Gordon LeVitt. I love how you had to look at your computer to see who that was. Joseph Gordon LeVitt. What's he filming? I don't actually know. Good question. No, but I did see something that he said that he was in

New Zealand partly because of we're COVID free. So he must have maybe been here for a movie but staying here and is like, I'm just going to stay. Get him on Shortland Street. Get him on Shortland Street. It'd be great. Put him on Dog Almighty. Get him on Country Calendar. Let's give him some jobs. Have you got a job for Joseph Gordon-Levitt?

Whatever. Take out the bins. Whatever. We'll get him doing stuff. And that is Spy My Friends. For more, you can check out the hits.co.nz. Morning. It's Jono and Ben on the hits.

It's growing through your feet. He doesn't do breaking news. He breaks the news. As in the news was absolutely fine. He's just come along and screwed it up. Just broken it, yeah. And more broken news for you right now. This Friday is Black Friday and so it started in America.

It's the day after Thanksgiving, the Friday after Thanksgiving in America and it's a big shopping day and it's sort of come over here over the last couple of years. It was relatively unknown here about two or three years ago, wasn't it? And the only thing I saw on Black Friday was wild Americans in Walmart like clawing each other's faces to get a cheap duvet cover or something. So it's huge here in New Zealand now. Last year they reckoned New Zealanders spent $253 million on Friday compared to Boxing Day, which is always like the big sale, $149 million.

So over $100 million was spent more on Black Friday last year than Boxing Day. It must affect the Christmas shopping lead-in as well because I imagine a lot of people get all their Christmas shopping done on Friday. So maybe it's a good idea. Are you a shopper, Juju? Do you like shopping? Yeah, I do like shopping, although I'm bad. I won't bother going to Black Friday sales and I just leave all my Christmas shopping to the last minute.

It's terrible. No sales can make me do my Christmas shopping early. Really? Yeah, it's really bad. Are you an organised shopper Benjamin Boyce? I'm semi-organised but I do enjoy it. I enjoy wandering around the mall. I like doing that and looking at the show. I don't know why I do it. Like a pest. I just wander around the mall. Love it. Just doing big laughs. Why is he a pest? Just wandering around the mall. You're not a pest? Just because he's wandering around the mall? You're not a pest.

You're very un-pest-like. I would happily watch you wander around a mall. You get frustrated shopping, don't you? You don't even try stuff on. Oh, yeah, I'm in and out. It's a speed game with me. Yeah, those pants, yeah, they'll do. Yeah, I hold them up and I'm like, they'll do.

And they never do. And then I always have to go back inevitably and change them. So what I think is saving me time is actually adding probably another two hours worth of shopping time. Anyway, Black Friday, but it's all week. Are the sales on all week or is it just Friday? I don't know, it's a good point because there's Cyber Monday as well too.

When did Cyber Monday come into play? When's Cyber Monday? On Monday after Black. So it goes through the weekend and then Friday, Sunday, Sunday, and then Cyber Monday. They created Cyber Monday. I feel like we're just making up days right now. For Cyber Monday, what's the one?

Is it Alibaba? Is that the online retail? I think that's something to do with Cyber Monday. I think. I don't know. I'm just saying some stuff here, which I called him a pest, and he's not a pest. And Harry and Meghan, they are no longer in the UK. They're dead to us.

Now the keys to Frogmore Cottage have been handed over to Princess Eugenie. So apparently in the middle of the night, movers were called into Frogmore Cottage in the dead of the night, the article says. I don't know why they had to move them out in the dead of the night, but they've moved the last of their stuff out of there and Eugenie's moved on in. In the dead of the night? Yeah.'ve moved the last of their stuff out of there and Eugenie's moved on in. In the dead of the night?

Yeah. How much stuff do they leave behind? I don't know. You think, you know, your parents and your family hold on to it and then they'll give it to you at some point. Well, not anymore. No, brutal. There's an indication that they ain't coming back, I'd say, right?

Doesn't Frogmore Cottage sound just adorable? It does. It sounds like a lovely little woodland house, which a toad, what was that toad cartoon that he would live in? Oh, yeah, the wind in the willows or whatever it is.

Yeah. Sounds like a lovely place that would feature in the wind in the willows. And so Princess Eugenie, she's rolled on and there, where was she living previously?

I'm not sure. Do you know as a rural correspondent? I pride myself on my rural knowledge but I don't know where Princess Eugenie lived. No.

Some Scotty Flatton. Yeah, where she sliced up Ed Sheeran don't know where Princess Eugenie lived. Some scoty flat. Yeah, where she sliced up Ed Sheeran's face. Was that Eugenie? Yeah, I think it was. With the sword. Ed Sheeran came over for dinner and she ended up slicing his face with a sword. They got a little bit drunk and then they picked up a sword that was on the wall. To knight him, apparently.

Yeah, as you do. And he got a little bit of a gash on his face, right, from it. Yeah, so they're out they're out, eh? Meghan and Harry officially dead. You would have thought most of the stuff in there would have been owned by the royal family anyway, right? It's not like they would have been at the Black Friday shopping sales themselves, you know, going to Kmart.

It could pop up on Trade Me, Meghan and Harry's couch. This is where she sat and plotted her evil plans to rip Harry away from his family. Oh, jeez. No, we love them, don't we? We love them. Do you like them? I do like them.

Yeah, I just think they get a bit of a hard time. I'm naturally quite a forgiving person, so I say, you know, they do their thing. Oh, you're a Ben. You're a Ben. If anyone's happy, that's all right. That's the main thing. Yeah, exactly.

Apart from me being pesty at the moment. Scrolling for your feed this morning. Want more Jono and Ben? You can catch up with the boys anytime. Just search Jono and Ben on Instagram. There's a brand new

addition to the show this morning in the six o'clock hour and it's really throwing out Jono in this routine. He's gone off to the bathroom and we're back on.

Now, we wouldn't normally be back on, right? So he's taking a wee while in the bathroom, pun intended. I'm not sure. Good pun for you, actually. I'm very proud of you. Now, I'm not sure if the, because sometimes the bathroom here at work plays the hits

and other times it plays other stations. Do you have that in the female bathroom or not? Yes, but he's walking in. But I don't know if it's a good thing or a bad thing. Do you want your radio show to be played in the bathroom? Is that like, oh, wow, they play it here? Or like, oh, they play it here? Oh, good question.

Here he is. Here he is. He's back. Yeah, so there's a new ad break. So what happens? New ad break situation. There was an email that went around. Aaron sent it last week.

And it's shorter than normal as well. Oh, the ad break's shorter than normal. Yeah, so it's a new ad break. How long have you been talking for? A little bit. So obviously it last week. And it's shorter than normal as well. Oh, the ad break's shorter than normal. Yeah, so it's a new ad break. How long have you been talking for? A little bit. So obviously it wasn't. We're talking to see if it wasn't. Were we being played in the bathroom or not?

No. No. I was listening to Fletch and Vaughan doing a wonderful show this morning. I wasn't even going to the bathroom. Are they all there? Are they all there, Fletch, Vaughan and Megan? Yeah, all three of them.

They managed to turn up on time. Oh, they did. Oh, this is nice. A new ad break, okay. Yeah, because... Is this for the Christmas inventory, is it? Oh, I'm not sure what the deal is behind it, but I just, you know, like,

there was an email saying, yeah, don't forget about it, and you obviously forgot. So there you go. Now, we were going to talk about maps and Google Maps and address books here because we got into a conversation pre-show and we were spouting off,

I feel like an old man regaling tales from yesteryear to Juliet and we're like, there was a time you didn't have Google Maps. No. And you just have to have a map of the Wises map book. Yeah, poor Wises must be, you know, be like, oh really, it's all on phones now. Oh listen, don't feel sorry for Wises, they had many good years

of navigating people around the world. Hey, don't spend, Wises did well. So you used to have a map book and then you used to also have an address book. I remember my mum. My mum, Jenny, loved an address book. I think she still rocks an address book. Yeah. I'd be like, oh, where's the address book? I need to call such and such.

Yeah. You lost your address book. You were screwed. Yeah. It was panic stations at home if mum lost her address book. Yeah. Now, 0800 the hits. This is what we want to open up right now. One song to find. Someone who is still using a map book.

Okay? And your actual map book. You don't use Google Maps. Okay. Or you either navigate off the complete generosity of strangers on the side of the road who point you

in the right direction. It was a risky move. It was a risky move. We all used to do it, but it really was a risky move. You could trust people back then, couldn't you? So 0800,

that's one song to find. Someone who is not using Google Maps. They just use a map book, a good old-fashioned map book. See if we can get them on next. Give us a call. Pam, you're still using a map book, mate? I am, very much so.

You wild child. I know. Do you use Google Maps as well? No. Actually, I hate Google Maps. I used Wiser's Maps for Auckland, Hamilton about two weeks ago,

funnily enough. Why? Okay. So why are you doing this? Google Maps is an easier option. I can tell you on the way there I can give you a little voice activation, but you're doing it old school. Why? Because A, the voice activation, the voice is actually really irritating. Right.

I also quite often find that when you're driving, sometimes you like to know, you know, third road on the left is where you want to go. And I find Google Maps, if I use it, it has a tendency of telling me as I'm getting to it or as I've just gone past it. It's not ahead of the game enough for me to navigate. Okay, so you'd prefer to read a book and drive at the same time? I'm one of these people that read the MacBook before I start and know where I'm going. And remember it.

Well done. Well done. Good on you. That's impressive. She finds the MacBook more reliable. She trusts her satellite navigation system more so than Google's. Well, thank you very much for your call, Pam. Appreciate it.

Parwin with us on 0800 The Hits. Welcome to New Zealand's Breakfast. Your dad is still using the map, Parwin. Yeah, that's right. So what has happened is just recently he turned 80 and we drove from Auckland down to Wellington. Now, my car's got the inbound navigation. Yeah.

But with him, he doesn't trust it. So he bought up and took the old map out and he was just cross-checking it all the way down

to Wellington. He was just cross-checking it. I don't trust this. Like my dad. My dad, just last week, just got onto internet banking.

Oh, really? He was like, when your car is talking to you, I'm like, no, Dad, it's just the radio. Don't worry, you know? I always found with the MacBook, it would kind of end. One thing would end,

and you'd have to go to the next, whatever the next page was in the book to try and work out where it joined up. It was very confusing, but your dad's obviously got a great system going on. Yeah, doesn't trust the technology. Yeah, with the grids, he's got it down a lock. He has a little

ruler, 30 centimetre ruler, and he just, you know, he pulls that just to make sure it's on track, you know. Oh, wow. He's a real Nostradamus mapping his way through it. And we'll go on to our triple Pete, our three Pete Brown. Wow, who would have thought we got three calls on MapBook? You're still using a Wiser's MapBook,

Brown? Yes, brother, that's the one, man. Still using it. Don't trust technology. Like you can trust it. To be fair, let's just say I'm not so tech savvy, eh? Yeah, but you can trust technology. It's a trustable thing at the moment. That's true, it is.

I mean, like, I'm pretty old school, man. I've navigated a double-hull canoe through right up to San Francisco using celestial navigation. So I figured if I've navigated a double-hull canoe right to San Francisco using celestial navigation. So I figured if I could do that, then Wiser's map's certainly on my bonnet before I hit my trip. Oh, and you canoed to San Francisco? Well, I sailed, I was part of a big crew, and we sailed traditional double-hull canoes. Wow. Wind-wind sail, but we used celestial navigation.

Oh, that's incredible. Oh, well, listen, you sound, see, I can't. I don't have the skills to do the maps. Yeah. But you do. You do. That's amazing, Brown. Absolutely.

You know, those days where you just, you know where you're going, you get the old map, put it on the bonnet, you know, and you figure your way through, and then you just go for gold mate and of course you get sidetracked hey buddy am I in the right place oh mate

you missed a turn about 100 kilometres back I know it was a bit of socialising wasn't it and trust you had to trust people as well too

it could lead you astray you'd never go back and go hey you told me it was the fourth round yeah well I pranked you I pranked you hey good on you mate

you have a lovely day and thank you very much for listening. Hey, love you fellas. More painful than your alarm clock. It's Jono and Ben on the hats. Kia ora, I'm Ash Thomas and this is The B***ing News. Yeah, wonderful producer Juliet has censored

international news headlines from around the world and we have to try and figure out what the beeped word is and it's the only part of this wholesome, clean program that we do need to censor. The rest is just good old FFF. Family friendly fun, ladies and gentlemen. What have we got, Ju? All right.

First news story. American Brewery launches a beer labelled inoffensive and not too bitter. A new beer. I'm going to go, maybe they've gone with our idea that we had, Jono, combining a wine and a beer. You know, when you go out and you're like, I want to drink a wine, I want to drink a beer, we put them together. We wanted to do wine lager or... Weineken.

Weineken. Yeah. It probably tastes horrendous, but the idea is good. If you're like, someone wants to drink wine, someone wants to drink beer, you've combined them together. So that's what I'm going with. If Steinlager or Heineken are listening, Weineken or Weineken is out there. The pitch has been pitched, ladies and gentlemen.

I'm going to say an American brewery releases a Biden beer that is inoffensive and not too bitter. American brewery launches a Joe Biden beer that is inoffensive and not too bitter.

You know it. Finally. This is my first time I've got one right. Stoked. Now, I have a question. If there was a Donald Trump beer, what do you reckon

that label it is? It'd definitely be bitter at the moment. That's foroked. Now I have a question. If there was a Donald Trump beer, what do you reckon they'd label it as? It'd definitely be bitter at the moment. That's for sure. It'd be very bitter. Has he? Still hasn't. Oh no, he hasn't accepted it. Wow. Ed Norton, the actor, was saying it's like a poker hand where you know you've lost, but you're just bluffing and you refuse.

And he just keeps bluffing and bluffing and bluffing. Oh, you've got to respect that. You've got to respect that. You've got to respect that. Also, Joe Biden beer, right? Although Joe Biden beer would probably be, you know, be in bed by 5.30, wouldn't it? You'd have your head up at 5, basically by 5.30. Yeah, exactly.

Dinner at 4.30. He turned 78 over the weekend, Joe Biden. Wow. Happy birthday, Biden. So he would be 86 if he does two terms. Two terms, yeah. 80, that's... Wow. Woo-wee. Woo he would be 86 if he does two terms. Two terms, yeah. 80, that's... Wow.

Woo-wee. Woo-wee. He's getting there. All right, next one. Man sells... that crashed through his roof for over $2.5 million. So something crashed through a man's roof. Yeah, roof.

And he sold it. Yeah. 5G tower. I'm going 5G tower. I'm going to say the fiddler on the roof fell through the roof. From the plate. And he sold him for 2.5 mil. Man sells meteorite that crashed through his roof for over $2.5 million.

Wow. I know. And I think he got it valued and he sold it for more than it was valued for. But imagine that. He picked it up while it was still warm, which I feel like you wouldn't want to touch that thing, would you? Would you? A friend, Rob, he had a car come through his roof in the middle of the night.

His house was a bit down from the road, and the car came off the road and went through his roof. And no one was injured, thankfully. But damaged. It was, yeah. The house was a write-off. He had to get the whole thing rebuilt, didn't he? I think so, yeah.

Structurally, it was kind of, yeah. And I think it was really close to their child's bedroom as well, right? But fortunately, everyone was okay, but it could have gone badly. Yeah, for sure. He didn't sell anything for $2.5 million there. He just made a wild insurance claim. Exactly.

Final story. Burgers sold in Australia is s*** that customers have to sign a waiver before ordering. I'm going to say a burger sold in Australia that features medium rare chicken that customers have to sign a waiver for. Oh, very controversial burger.

That's all the students do in Dunedin to get out of exams. I'm going to get even more controversial. It's made out of koalas, all right? Oh, Ben! Oh, I love that. I love that. I wouldn't expect that to come out of your mouth.

It'd be Jono's mouth. I'm not saying it's okay. I'm just having a guess. And the result is, this burger sold in Australia is so hot that customers have to sign a waiver before ordering And do you know what the burger's called? The Death Wish Burger

I don't get people who like those spicy things Your mate Chris Mack does He likes to sweat He likes to have his t-shirt dripping wet while he's eating dinner It doesn't seem like a pleasant eating experience No, true But then it's also the challenge You look like the man when you do it

Eating should never be a challenge And then the next day it's not the challenge. You look like the man when you do it. Eating should never be a challenge. And then the next day it's not going to be good. It's the thing that lingers. It's not like you eat the hot food and that's it. It stays in your system. There's consequences. Yeah, I'm like, don't do it to yourself. Isn't there one called Death Sauce or something? Carolina Reaper?

There's a Carolina Reaper. Did we try one? And I was like, oh my god I was not fine for like four days. The sauce in this burger is apparently 700% hotter than a normal jalapeno. So you know when you get jalapenos just to make it hot in anything Mexican. It's 700 times hotter than that. It's just horrendous. Yeah, no, I love thinking I could potentially end my life when I'm eating. That's one of my joys.

And that's the news and beeps, fellas. Not a morning person? Sadly, neither of these two. It's Jono and Ben on the heads. Jeez, it feels like we've talked a lot this morning.

It feels like too much to even like, I'm sick of myself. I think we've done enough talking for the week. Have we talked a lot this hour, Drew? We have,

but that's because the structure of the radio show in this hour has been a bit different than normal. A lot of talking, a lot of words.

Sorry, guys. Making you talk more. We've got nothing after seven o than normal. A lot of talking, a lot of words. Sorry guys, making you talk more. We've got nothing after seven o'clock. There's just going to be silence from us. All the stuff that I thought we had for a three hour show,

you're right, we've used it all. Producer Humphrey, come in here mate, come in here. Now we're getting desperate because we went to Producer Humphrey's

housewarming on Saturday. Lovely. Thank you for inviting us Producer Hums. Thanks for coming along. We left, but Toddy, boss Toddy carried us, Producer Hums. Thanks for coming along. We left, but Toddy, Boss Toddy carried on.

You carried on. Toddy was the last guest to leave. What time was this? Did you have to do the Once he took off, I, for some reason, went to town. What time was this?

It was about midnight. Oh, good effort. You wild child. And so then, what did you have to do yesterday, which I found quite amusing? Yesterday I had to go to the baby show. The baby show. It was as good as it sounds, I tell you. Hungover at the baby show.

The baby show. Oh, end me now. I was wearing a face mask and I thought to myself, gosh, it's going to be terrible if I vomit into this. At the baby show. Now, I'd like you, all of us bought you a present, a housewarming present. I noticed, Ben, you came with a lovely succulent. A plant.

A plant. I got you a doormat. Have you used these items or are they going to be thrown out? No, I have. The plant has pried a place on a little shelf in our spare room, which is lovely. Yeah, good you've made the care room. Not lounge. Like, you know.

Just run out of shelves. And the doormat is front door or back door? Front door. Front door? Front door placing. Not bad. Well done. Yeah, no, I never know what to get anyone for a housewarming.

It's a hard thing to buy for, isn't it? Lovely. Plant's always a good option. Yeah. I got instructed to buy a plant on the way by a man and I stopped and get a plant. Okay. It was weird it was a weed plant too.

Are they not legal? How did the freedom go? I'll need to update you on some stuff. Oh jeez, I didn't keep track of that. Oh, sorry about that. Like starting your day without your morning coffee. It's Jono and Ben on my hits. Bye. No what's up. Bye. Hey What's Up by Docco.nz. Hey, thanks for hanging out with us.

And now to our gossip guru who knows everything about celebrities but nothing about practical stuff that can actually help her in life. Here comes Juliette. And this is why this is my job. So Robbie Williams, one of my favourite people,

he has released a Christmas... I love the backstory about Robbie Williams with you. You didn't even know who he was until you got told to go along to a press conference that he was at. And now you're like

Robbie's biggest fan. You're like, if Robbie Williams walked into this room you would lose all control of your bowels. You said that. I love him so much.

You've been in the same room as him. But you didn't know who he was and now you're like, I'm very confused by it but you love him all the same.

It is a weird situation isn't it? But he's really... Did you lose control of your bowels when you first met him? No, because I was so chilled. I was like, oh, it's Robbie. I didn't even really know him. Don't even know who he is. Some old guy.

Yeah, and then afterwards I was like, oh, he's cool. So then you were like, well, if I saw him again, I definitely would. Exactly. So he's released a COVID-themed Christmas song. The lyrics include, like, Santa's on his sleigh, but now he's two metres away. And there's heaps of COVID references. It's like, if you're wondering what I like, hand sanitiser will do just fine. And he references Zoom meetings and everything like that.

I know. He's beaten us to the chase with a Christmas parody this year. And I dare say he'll go far better than's beaten us to the chase with a Christmas parody this year. And I dare say he'll go far better than we ever would, Ben. Exactly. With his Christmas parody. You know Robbie Williams doesn't, he's never driven. Really? No.

Oh, really? Never driven. Well, I suppose he was probably in, he was in a boy band before he went solo. Yes. So I imagine from a young age he was probably chauffeured around. True. And never bothered to get his licence. He's like, yeah, I live in London.

There's no point. The traffic's at a standstill. That's a good point, yeah. Interesting, eh? Wow. I've watched one of his Instagram Lives and the car that he travels in is like a van, but it looks like a first-class plane inside.

Like he's got televisions in the back of the van, a big bed. I'm like, wow. So he must be driven around in that the whole time. He's souped up his Mazda Bongo van. Me and my friends did that once we put a couch in the back. We can put a couch in the back of the van and you're like, oh, this is the best thing ever. Yeah, yeah.

Very safe too. Exactly. Very safe. And Matthew McConaughey, he's been in the news quite a bit recently. I think it's because he's got a new book out. What quirky Matthew McConaughey news have we got this morning? Get ready. Okay, so he said that when he clips his toenails,

he likes to wear a headlamp. And he says he's an absolute master at it. It's one of his favourite things to do. He takes him about 45 minutes to do because he takes it very seriously. How long are his toenails? 45 minutes is a lot of work. Even if you took a lot of care, you'd take 45 minutes. That's a five-minute job.

Max, max, two and a half minutes five minute job. Yeah. Max. Max. Two and a half minutes on each foot. And that's being generous. Yeah, exactly. That's 45 minutes. But I bet you he has some beautiful toenails. Yeah, and I know he brushes his teeth frantically. Yeah, he does.

Like all day. So you'll sit in traffic brushing his teeth. Really? Ben Boyce. Ben Boyce brushes his teeth in odd locations too. Yeah, I have a toothbrush to carry around with myself. How much time are you designating to your toenail clipping there, Ben? Oh, not, jeez, not 45.

As you say, like, yeah, a couple of minutes each toe at best. Wow, yeah, no, it is quite weird when you actually think about it and break it down. He also said that he once, when he was a kid, won a girls' beauty contest and he dressed up as a girl and won it. Isn't that crazy?

Well, he would make a great-looking girl and makes a fantastic- looking guy as well. He's just, he's been blessed with the beauty stick there, man. He has. He cheated in a colouring in competition, remember? Remember he was like, he said he was seven when he was 14

and he entered a colouring in competition. Yeah, I just took the, when I was younger, my younger days. Badass. I said, oh, why not? I want some Milky Bars, chocolate or confectionery or

something. Yeah. I had to get my sister to go pick it up. But anyway, you know, we live and learn, don't we?

Did you come clean? I think you made me do it on the radio. Oh, we phoned Whitcalls. It was a Whitcalls competition. I think it was New

World and Masters. Oh, that's right. And you made me apologise. The lady's like, oh, okay. I wasn't here then. But yeah, sure.

At least you apologised and you feel better about it now. And that's five, my friends. For more, you can check out the hits.co.nz. You still can't colour in between the lines, though. This is the disturbing thing. I'm still colouring in at a seven-year-old's level.

Start your day the wrong way. It's Jono and Ben on the hits. We like to end the show on finding out why today's going to be a good day. Hey, feeling good? Give us a call right now, 0800 THE HITS, and tell us why you think today's going to be good for you. I thought it was going to be a real day. Give us a call right now, 0800 the hits, and tell us why you think today's going to be good for you. I thought it was going to be a real struggle of the show this morning when we first started. Literally, just as the mics were turning on,

Ben went, oh, here we go. Off air, not on the radio. Not on air, yeah, not on air. But then I was like, oh, jeez, we're starting like, oh, here we go. But it was fun. It's been a lot of fun. We had David Walliams on, who was hilarious. If you want to catch him, you can catch him on iHeartRadio on our podcast. Yeah, no, he we go. But it was fun. It's been a lot of fun. We had David Walliams on, who was hilarious. If you want to catch him, you can catch him on iHeartRadio on our podcast.

Yeah, no, he was good. And, yeah, it was good. So it's put me in a good stead for the remainder of the day. Have you got stuff you need to do today? You're going to the 660 movie premiere tonight, which will be cool. Looking forward to that. Have they got a movie? Yeah.

What's their movie about? That's what the lights go out. Don't you know about this? We talked to the band about it. I'm just pretending now. Oh, right. Just for those that don't know about it. Following the band.

Yeah, following the band and their story over the last probably decade or so. So, yeah. Oh, nice. You tell her. You give us your honest review of it tomorrow. And again, Juliet, record this. We'll get Ben's honest review of the 660 movie tomorrow, and I bet you it'll be five-star review. He never slags any movie he goes to.

No. He's never once said any movie he goes to. No. He's never once said anything negative about a movie. No, because I like going to movies. So even if it's the most shocking movie. You can always find good things about it. Yeah, like the camera was in focus. The actors remembered all their lines in the takes that I saw. You know, you can always find positive things, right?

So we'll get Ben's honest review tomorrow of the 660 doco. But in the meantime, 0800 the hits. Lisa, you're on the air. Can you tell us where it's going to be a good one for your lease? I got a pay rise. Oh, that's amazing. Namaste to you. Well done.

Thank you. Oh, that means that today is going to be a great day for you, Lisa. We really appreciate you listening. We'll flick you out a prize. We'll catch you tomorrow with Clark Gayford from 6 o'clock. Want more Jono and Ben? You can wake up with the boys weekdays from 6 on The Hits and via the iHeartRadio app.

Jono and Ben on The Hits Breakfast. Friends of Skinny.