Jono, Ben & Megan - The Podcast - October 21 - Guy Williams, Big News Small Town, What Would Surprise Us About Your Diet?

Episode Date: October 20, 2020

'Ello 'ello! Today on the show, Australian singer Jimmy Barnes joined us to talk about his new book that's out, which involves a crazy story about Rod Stewart at a bar with a grand piano. We also had an old friend of ours, Guy Williams, come on and talk about his new TV show Taskmaster NZ and all the shenanigans he got up to. As well as this, we played a good old game of word tennis but two callers had to list off all the things they had in their handbag, and my GOODNESS these ladies hold a lot in their bags!! Enjoy!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Jono and Ben, new to your mornings. Friends of Skinny, New Zealand's most recommended telco. Happy, happy, happy, oh, oh. Just when you thought you couldn't get enough of Jono and Ben, you can have them anywhere, anytime. Welcome to the Jono and Ben podcast. Welcome to the podcast. Ben Boyce was just looking through the classifiers to see if there's anything amusing that we could look into.

Is there anything that sparked your interest there, Ben? US green card lottery. You can do that. I've never, do you know, I knew Chang, who we used to work with, lovely man, Chang. He won the US green card lottery. That's right, he did too. And so I think, how does it work?

Because it feels like a lot of New Zealanders win the green card lottery. Are we favoured? We're probably a favoured country. I don't know how it works. You're saying it's not an actual lottery. I don't think it's a classic. I'd like the scrutineers to run their eyes over the US green card lottery

because it feels like a lot of Kiwis, you know, in the grand scheme of the world, our population compared to other countries, we have a pretty good hit rate with people. This is just people I know who have won the green card. Oh, okay. You know? Wouldn't you agree? Okay. Look, I have is just people I know who have won the green card. Oh, okay. You know? Wouldn't you agree?

I have heard of a few people who have won the lottery, but then I don't. Yeah. And I appreciate the leniency that the Trump administration is showing towards the U.S. I've got a U.S. passport. You do? I was born in the U.S. Yeah. It's good when we go there for work, they're like, welcome home, sir.

And I'm like, I get to travel in the residence line oh you do get the line then you have to but then you get through faster but then you

kind of have to wait around for us anyway yes it was all I was like I'll leave you international losers later

yeah favourite son returns home to US soil that's true because your dad was in the Air Force right

so worked over there yeah he was in the Air Force lived in? Yeah. So he worked over there. Yeah, he was in the Air Force. Lived in Seattle. Seattle, oh gee, I went back to Seattle. That's a bleak city. Is it? Well, when I went back there, I just remember it being overcast and dull. But maybe it has its good days.

Oh, I know. It's really famous for grunge music. It all came out of Seattle, right? Yeah. It's got that awesome tower. Remember that huge tower, like the Sky Tower and stuff? My only claim to fame is I was born in the same hospital as Jimi Hendrix.

Oh, really? Jimi Hendrix, yep. And that's it. That's it. They've got his picture on the wall. Probably not yours. But we've got a fun podcast to be here this morning.

Guy Williams, who we used to do a TV show with, now doing a proper TV show, he joins us on the podcast. Who else did we have on the show? I always forget who was on the show. Jimmy Barnes. Thank you, producer Juliet. How could I forget Elena Ayers? Yeah, it's not

just a crazy voice in my head called Juliet. Jimmy Barnes, Australian rock and roll legend. Yeah, I can't forget Jimmy Barnes. Isn't it funny you go through because you do radio and you do one bit, you do one break and then you move on to the next one. So you kind of forget that one out of your head and you're on to the next one, you know?

And then so by the end of the show, you've deleted mentally all of the things you've done on air. And we had Australian rock legend Jimmy Barnes. How could you forget Jimmy Barnes? Not every day you get to talk to Jimmy Barnes. No, but we just forgot about it. Yeah. Losers.

I know. Absolute losers. But anyway, you're a winner because you've chosen the number one podcast on iHeartRadio. Enjoy the show. Have a wonderful Wednesday. The radio version of Morning Breath. It's Jono and Ben on the hits.

Have you seen Juliet's, producer Juliet, millennial Juliet's handbag? Tell you what, she's packing some stuff in there. There's a lot of stuff. You've got a lot of stuff in there. Have you looked for the missing MH370 plane inside that handbag? I did, and I don't think I could quite find it. They send me in to have a look. Yeah, yeah, but there is a lot of stuff in there.

It's amazing what you can pack into a handbag, isn't it? Oh, yeah. Do you do a weekly clean-out, or you just keep adding to the pile? No, I literally just keep adding to it, and I probably do a clean-out maybe like every six months, and there's just receipts and old bits of gum and just gross stuff really. I imagine like when you put your hand in there looking for an item, a lot of guesswork, isn't it?

You sort of, a lot of blind guesswork. Because they're not really compartments. Oh, there are, I suppose there's some there are, but you know. What I always struggle with is the fact that your smaller items always fall to the bottom, but your smaller items are the ones that you tend to need the most, like your phone, your keys. Those are the two things I'm like, oh, they've gone right down to the bottom. And it's just a

massive struggle, to be honest. Listen, if I put my handy hat, I'd fear that they'd see I'm Goblin living in there, get a bite, nibble away at my fingers. Yeah, pretty much. You've got a lot in there. You got shoes in there? Oh, I had some shoes in there yesterday. No, I didn't, I didn't. But I could fit some in there if I really wanted to. There's a lot of stuff in there, you're right.

So we wanted to throw this open. Oh, 800, that hits the. I didn't. But I could fit some in there if I really wanted to. There's a lot of stuff in there. You're right. So we wanted to throw this open. 0800 the hits the telephone number. Okay. Who do you think? Is it you that has the most packed handbag in Aotearoa? And so we're going to get two callers on, and you can go one for one, naming items that you've got in your handbag

until you've named them all and you're out of the game. Okay, so the person who's got the most wins. That's right. The most packed handbag in New Zealand. Can we find it? Can you beat producer Juliet 0800? That hits the telephone number 4487. We've got Tanya from Auckland.

Welcome. Welcome, welcome. Hello. Welcome to you. And we'll welcome us to you as well. And then back and forth, Tracy and Takanini, welcome to you. Hi, team. How are you?

We're doing well, mate. It's a pleasure to have you both on. You both believe you have New Zealand's most packed handbag. Good God, yeah. It's getting up there today. Okay, you explain the format of the game, then. Okay, we're going to go one for one. Kind of like a game of tennis back and forth,

you just name an item from your handbag. You have to name a new item each time, not something that someone else has named, and we'll see who's got the most items. Okay, it's quick fire. Starting with you, Tracy and Takanini. Take it away. My wallet.

Over to you, Tanya. A shopping bag. A shopping bag? Inside a bag? Yep. Oh, wow. Okay. Yep.

Okay. Back to you, Tracy. Lipstick. You need a lipstick. Tanya, what are you coming back with? I've got my bag full of keys. You've got a lot of bags inside a bag, holding other stuff in a bag.

Well, those sort of keys don't fall to the bottom of the bag and I can't find them. Okay. They're in a bag. Okay, you can explain it away. Whatever makes you sleep at night. Tracy, the ball's back in your court. I've got a cone.

Okay, Tanya, what've got a cove. Okay. Tanya, what you got? Reading glasses. Okay. Pick the pace up between the two of you. Back to you, Trace. Hair spray. Oh, hair spray.

That's a big item to have in the bag. Tanya, over to you. Note pairs. Note pairs. You always need to take a note, and you need a giant pad inside a bag for that. We're in the middle of New Zealand's most packed handbag. It's Tracey's turn. I've got a lip chap. Oh, chap lips. Oh, yeah. Good. Yeah,

no, that's necessary. I've got hand sanitiser. Okay. All right. Quick fire back. Quick return on that one. Back to you, Tracy, I think. I've got a nail file. Tanya. My diary. Tracy. Glasses. Tanya. Highlighter pen. Tracy. Matches. Tanya. Memory stick. Tracy. Matthew.

Tanya. Document wallet. Tracy. Matches. Tanya. Pens and highlighters. Tracy. Mental floss.

Tanya. A clipboard. Tracy. Mobile phone. This is never going to end I'm going to look Tell you what I'm going to pull stumps

On this one I'm going to give you Both a prize Because we could be here All day I've got my computer Yes Oh jeez

Alright Well you both win I'm happy You both win I've got To my computer It'll probably be Vouchers And I know Where you. It'll probably be vouchers,

and I know where you're going to keep those vouchers. In your handbag. All right. Thank you so much for playing New Zealand's most packed handbag. We might have to try that one again. It's a lot of fun. This is your new breakfast. Health star rating still pending.

It's Jorowen Menomahit. He's one of Australia's most loved rock stars. You'll know him from hit songs like this. He has just written his third book. It's called Killing Time. It's out now. It's a selection of short stories about his years touring. And we're very honoured to be joined by the legendary Jimmy Barnes.

How's it going, Jimmy? Pretty good, can't complain. This book is called Killing Time, short stories from the long ride home. It's basically tour stories, you know, short stories from the long ride home. It's basically tour stories, you know, stories that you've had on tour. But it was hard to remember some of those because there's obviously a little bit of alcohol involved and some other fun and hygiene going on.

Yeah, well, you know, the problem is, unfortunately, I remember everything. But if you sit down and you focus in on, like I sit and I go, I remember this story, so I'll sit down and write that story. And then everything sort of around it becomes clearer. You'd be surprised what detail you can sit and remember. So no,

it's not that hard. It's a lot of fun. This book begins with you touring with Rod Stewart. That would be a wild time. It would have been a nightmare. Well, you know, that was about 1976 or something like that. 77 or something like that. And I remember we toured Australia and New Zealand with Rod.

And, you know, we were a young upstart band. We were rebels, you know. And Rod, of course, was the ultimate rebel. He'd been a wild rock and roller for years and was a huge established act. And he liked us because we were the young upstarts. And he wanted to give us a few lessons in rock and roll 101. And I think Rod sort of took us a little under his belt.

He liked the band. You know, he'd come down and drink in the bar. And that particular story is about a night in Christchurch. And we were in the bar, and there was a baby grand piano in there. And Rod and his band decided to have a sing-song. And they're going, you know, he starts singing, he stops it. He said, the acoustics aren't good here. Let's move the piano over a little bit.

And so they moved the piano over a bit and then he started singing. Oh, wait a minute, still not great. A little bit further. And we could see what he was up to. He was slowly weaseling the piano across to the balcony. And of course, by the time the police came, the piano was half over the railing

and it had been thrown into the foyer. And I think it was Rod's way of just, you know, it was sort of showing the young upstart rock and roll band what the big rock stars did for fun. He was the biggest guy in the world. You know, he could afford to throw a $40,000 piano. Yeah, I was going to say, it started to cost Rod a fortune in piano reparations over the years,

I imagine. We've got Jimmy Barnes. The book is called Killing Time. Kiwis will remember you for one of the finest ad campaigns for the league with Tina Turner singing Simply the Best. We all loved that. But I understand as a teenager, you broke into a Tina Turner concert.

Oh, yeah. There was a place in Adelaide, and it was a place called the Apollo Stadium where all the international bands play there, right? So me and my mates, we were from roughly in the town. We didn't have any money or anything like that. So we couldn't get to see bands. And consequently, we jumped the fences

or, you know, to many a gig. On this particular trip, we went to see Tina. And I remember a whole gang of us kicked the door in and we ran in. And everybody, all my mates were just out looking for trouble, you know. I used to go because I wanted to see music. And I remember standing there and, you know, being mesmerized by, you know, her and the iCats dancing and stuff and her amazing voice. But also just the power and the dynamics of the band.

And I remember it was a big night for me musically. I stood there and I learned a lot from the Ike and Tina Turner band. Then, of course, you went on to record Simply the Best with Tina Turner for the Rugby League. You're simply the best. It must have been a surreal moment when you found yourself in a recording studio where they're all those years later.

It was incredible. I mean, you know, when you really think someone's an awesome performer or somebody's a great person, it's quite easy to be let down a bit. But, I mean, you go there and you've built them up too much and they can't live up to it. When I met Tina, she was better than I remember. Just an amazing woman, a powerhouse of a singer, you know, strong, knew exactly what she was doing.

Real pro. It was, she was incredible. So I remember that, Ed, that NRL Ed so well. And it seemed like an overdose of denim and hairspray. A wild time for fashion, Barnsie. And, well, you know, I've been there for some really big fashion mistakes. I can live with them. Now, there's something I saw online,

speaking of Jimmy Barnes-related products, a Jimmy Barnes alarm clock. Is this legit? Is this an actual product, Barnsey? Oh, yeah, yeah. That screen is actually what I do for my warm-up. I go to a show an hour before a show, and I'll walk around in the dressing room doing that for a while. Really?

Yeah, and it's just because I scream a lot on stage. I find that it really warms up the top end of my voice. But at Alarm Clock, my wife wanted to put that out for years, and everybody's going, no, they'll never sell the merchandise at the company. Finally, Jane said, let's do it. We'll put it out. And no kidding, people love it.

It's hilarious. It's very, very funny. It's quite an abrupt wake up, I imagine. Barnsley's screaming at you. Yeah, you'd wake up in a bad mood, I reckon. Got Jimmy Barnes with us.

His third book, Killing Time, is out now, the legendary Jimmy Barnes. You're an Australian legend, obviously. Is there anywhere you've gone? When was the last time

you've gone anywhere in Australia and not been recognised? Oh, it happens occasionally, you know. I can wear glasses and a good night with COVID because I Australia and not been recognised? Oh, it happens occasionally, you know. I can wear glasses. I couldn't have with COVID because I have to wear a mask. Oh, right. But even that, you know, I've had a hat on and a mask

and walked in a shop and people are like, hey, Barnsley, how you going? You're like, I could rob this place right now and you can still recognise me. Yeah. Yeah, and it's ridiculous. You know, people aren't rushing at me like I'm in five seconds of summer. You know, they feel like I'm part of the family and it's a big honour. So, you know, I don't take it for granted. You know, people aren't rushing at me like I'm in five seconds of summer. You know, they feel like I'm part of the family.

And it's a big honor. So, you know, I don't take it for granted, you know. Oh, well, that's lovely. It was really good. We really appreciate your time this morning, Barnsley. Thank you so much for your time. And don't forget Jimmy Barnes' Killing Time, the new book. Short Stories from the Long Ride Home is out now.

We could chat all day. We could. Isn't it so nice to talk to a legend like this who is just as passionate and humble as they were the day one they started. So well done on there, Barnsley. We've got to just enjoy what we do, you know. See you later, guys.

Some people skip breakfast, the meal, and also this show. It's Jono and Ben on the Hits. Now, face masks. A lot of people are getting into the face mask game. And we tried. We dabbled. We dabbled in the face mask game. But then we dipped our toes in the pool and we took the toes back out as well. We're like, we dabbled. We dabbled in the face mask game, but then we dipped our toes in the pool

and we took the toes back out as well. We're like, we've done it, we've done face masks. It was thanks to kindface.co.nz. You don't actually see too many people around the streets of Valtoro in face masks nowadays. A lot of that, I guess, on public transport still and flights and stuff. But I guess hopefully we can stay, you know, that way we're not needing them as much as overseas.

But right now, you know, companies overseas are putting their logos on it. You know, we put quirky sayings. Oh, we put Baby Bloomers, the Ashley Bloomfield fan club, and sorry, I've got a cold sore, patch rash, don't kissing, I'm married, and other mildly amusing quips that no one wore. Everyone was too afraid to wear. I didn't even wear those. Did you wear those?

I do. I do. Like, I carry one around the car. And you always get interesting looks when you've got those on. Oh, cash rush. Julie, you had to wear one into Countdown and you took it off. You're like, I'd rather catch COVID. Yeah.

I didn't want to wear a cash rush one. But this week in the US, there's a food chain called Jack in the Box. They're going one step further. And they're giving away masks that are scented. It's a smell like fried chicken. So you put it on and you can have the smell of fried chicken. No, I prefer the smell of my coffee breath and last night's garlic bread that I ate for dinner. And there's another company in America as well that have got bacon smell from their masks. I mean, bacon's a great smell.

I like it, but do you want it permanently shoved up your nostrils? Like, all day long? I like the smell of KFC and fried chicken, but again... Do you want it all the time? Yeah, it's a good point. I guess they could diversify into other things, you know. Yeah, it's like Old Town Road, that song. Hey, I like it every now

and then. Do I want it all the time? Take my horse to the... Give it to me once or twice a week. You know? So it's a no from you on this occasion? It's a no from you. Your coffee breath or whatever it is you've eaten? Yeah, I'll take that.

Would you have a chicken-smelling mask? Oh, no. Well, I like the idea of a scented mask. Then your cheeks and your nose and your lips just stink. Have you been rubbing chicken all over your face? Does you go to KFC and just roll around in the deep fryer? What's going on here? Yeah.

I invented it. Speaking of inventions. Oh, yeah. Is this Apple TV? He always mocks me about this. You know what Apple TV is? Yes. It's like Netflix streaming services.

You plug a box into your TV. It's all people use it all over the place. And you can stream. Yeah, you can like, instead of going to the video store or the DVD store back in the day, you can watch movies and all sorts of stuff on there. You can book and pay, right? And you think you invented this.

Yeah, but here he is. He's trolling me. He's mocking me. Back in the day when Alexander Bell was inventing the phone, the haters were there. Oh, look at you, you big guy with your hairy beard and trying to talk to people over

there when they know you're an idiot, Alexander Bell. That's what he would have got. Right. Yeah. Michelangelo, he did some stuff as well. I'm sure he got hated from the sidelines. So my idea anyway was... You see, Helen, sorry, you see if it's the same as Apple TV. I'll shut up now. Okay.

I've explained what Apple TV is. Yes. Oh, and I'll front foot it and go, granted, Apple TV heard my pitch and turned it into a more... Oh, yeah, you've made it. They turned it into more of a user-friendly service. Agreed. But the core idea is the same.

So Video Easy, United Video, the old video shops. Yeah. You used to have to drive there, rent the video, drive back. My idea was you'd have suction pipes. What? Suction, plastic suction pipes that would go from Video Easy to everybody's house. Everybody's house.

All houses across the country, okay, would have a connecting pipe, like the sewer pipes, the sewer lines, electricity, Wi-Fi. Yeah, but it was all going into video easy. And you'd be like, can I get Wayne's World 2? And then the video employee at the other end of the pipe would be like, no worries, mate, I'll just put it in the pipe. And then you put it in the pipe and then he pushes a button, sucks the video straight into your lounge.

I don't know what technology there is. This is amazing. Better than Apple TV technology. And granted, excessive amount of pipes in the community. Yeah. Maybe unnecessary pipes. Underground? Overground?

I had a bad feeling about that. Okay. That's a great idea. Underground is probably less intrusive. So when you move into a new place, you're like, I've got to get electricity. I've got to get my pretty wheezy pipe installed.

It's going to be another two weeks for that mate. You know we're quite busy at the moment installing pipes all over New Zealand.

Told you I'm mocking. Thomas Edison had the same. It's fine I'll take it. It's not the same. It's the same.

The idea is the same. The entertainment comes from them to you into your lounge. It's the same idea.

The same idea. I'm just going to play a song. Oh yeah I think you should. Thank you. Wake up and smell them. Oh, Jesus. The same idea. Oh, this is okay. I'm just going to play a song. Oh, yeah, I think you should. Thank you. Wake up and smell them. Actually, no, please don't smell them. That's odd. It's Jono and Ben on the hits.

We used to have a TV show together and now he's on a proper TV show. It's good to see him again. Comedian Guy Williams, how's things? Guys, you don't have to call me Comedian Guy Williams. It's so nice to see you guys again. This is a sentimental reunion.

It's been too long. Yeah, it's really nice to see you, Guy. This is a sentimental reunion. It's been too long. Yeah, it's really nice to see you, Guy. Now, Taskmaster, it's a big UK TV show and it's a New Zealand version you guys are doing. Very excited about it. People haven't seen it before. Can you explain what the show's about? It's a weird show.

Like five comedians doing pointless tasks. Like the tasks range from like making a tree sexy to taste testing these disgusting dips they've made. And it's really hard to describe because the show sounds terrible. But if you know the UK one, it actually is really good. And I'm actually embarrassed, as you guys probably are, of most of the things I do in my career. And this is one of the few things I'm genuinely like, I'm going to watch this and quite proud of how it turns out. Jeremy Wells is hosting.

Your younger brother, Paul Williams, is kind of like the co-host, the sidekick. It was my big gig. I was going from TV3 to TVNZ. I was so excited about this big opportunity. I get there the first day, my brother is one of the hosts. How good is that? You don't do that on other shows in New Zealand. You don't show up on

Who Wants to Be a Millionaire and the guy interviewing you is your dad. You know? What about this lack of sibling communication? You just turned up on set and you're like, oh, my brother's here? This is not,

I did not know. My brother takes like, because you've got to sign a confidentiality agreement. He took that so, no one takes so seriously, mate. They're not going to take you to court. He took it so seriously,

I did not know my brother was on the show. So you get given these tasks and do you honestly not know until you walk in the room what this task is going to be? Yeah, and this show broke me mentally. Absolutely humiliating. I'll throw a challenge to you right now.

One of the challenges was make a tree sexy. Oh, we've got some audio from this. This was Guy Williams on the show making a tree sexy, and I understand you got a little bit unclothed in front of your brother. The only thing I could think of was getting naked. And the only person who was allowed to help me was my own brother. This is one of the most humiliating moments of my life.

I'm going to go full nude. I feel like I have to to make it sexy. I can turn around. Yeah, turn around. That's my brother. You have the camera crew to turn around? I've got the camera crew to turn around. Well, I was taking my dicks off.

Fair enough. Just help pull down my pants. Your brother's undressing you. Yeah. He was taking my dicks off. Fair enough. Just help pull down my pants. Your brother's undressing you. Yeah. He was the only one who was allowed to help. And I just decided, I got in the first in the tree in my undies, and that was bad. But then I got full nude. Was the tree sexy?

No. No. But how do you make a tree sexy? What do you do? Oh, this show broke me. And I, yeah, I hope it's good. It sounds like a hilarious show. Taskmaster, which is starting tonight, 8.30 on TVNZ2.

Now, we wanted to set you a little task right now, Guy, a radio taskmaster. Please tell me it's not like piercing my wang or something like that. No, we're on the hits, mate. It's family friendly, mate. Get that smut out of here, mate. We're all about families here. Talking about take your family out to a nice day at Kelly Tarleton's,

that's a prank we'll make you do. Now, you used to live at home with your dad. For too many years. Until I was 30. Yeah, that's embarrassing to say out loud. So the task this morning was we might try and call Gary your dad and your task is to see if you can move back in for six months with Gary. Okay.

He's not going to like it. No. Okay. Now, Gary going to like it. No. Okay. Now, Gary was very happy the day you moved out of home, wasn't he? Yeah. It was probably the best day of his life. I mean, I was born. Surely that should be the best day.

So we'll give you 60 seconds to convince Gary to move back in for six months. Good morning. Hey, Dad, it's Guy. Guy who? Don't give me that crap. Sorry, I'm being nice. I was just asking, I had

a few problems at home, and I was just wondering if it was possible you guys got a spare room, could I possibly move back in for a couple of months, maybe? You think it's a holiday resort? I don't think it's a holiday resort. I'm just saying I'd just like to stay with you.

I'd just like to catch up with you guys for a bit. We'll have fun. Really? It'll be fun for you. I don't know if it'll be fun for anyone else. Please, please, Dad. For a couple of days, can I just move back into the house, Dad? Now it's gone from a couple

of months to a couple of days. Oh, I'm Now it's gone from a couple of months to a couple of days. Oh, I'm out of time. He's out of time. He's out of time. Gary, it's Jono and Ben here. We're on the radio with Guy on the hits. How are you, Gaz?

God, are you guys still on the radio? We're still plugging away. Gary, it's stationed in five years. These old war horses. Gary, you mentioned the place is not a holiday resort, but a resort would mean that you'd pay a fee to stay there. Yeah, well, guys always get paid weekly,

very weekly. Hey, Dad! Sorry for harassing your dad, mate, and sorry for only calling you out when I've got a wacky radio stunt, and yeah, I don't need to move back in, thank goodness. Well, I can go to the dentist now and relax.

Good on you, Gary. Lovely to hear from you, mate. Have a good day. Okay, bye. Cheers, Dad. Don't forget to catch Taskmaster tonight on TVNZ2, hosted by Jeremy Wells, Paul Williams. It's got Guy Williams as well, Lee Hart, Angela Drava.

Madeline Sami. Some very funny people. You all know Angela and Brinleyeline Sami. Yeah, some very funny people on the show. You all know Angela and Brinley from Jono and Ben. So a bit of the old cast. And yeah, you guys should do season two. You know, so I haven't. Last time we did a show with you, mate. It got cancelled.

Let's not jinx it again. Want more Jono and Ben? You can catch up with the boys anytime. Just search Jono and Ben on Facebook. It's been a busy week for New Zealand. And someone had a very busy week last weekend that we're about to talk to. Made international news. Yeah. And it surrounded her wedding

which took place over the weekend. This particular person joins us on the phone right now. Demelza, welcome to New Zealand's Breakfast. How are you? I'm good. Can you hear me? Yeah, we can. How are you doing? Can you hear us? Yeah, I can hear you. Hold on, you talk again, Demelza. Hi, can you hear me? I feel like we're Yeah, I can hear you. Can you hear me? I can hear you, John. Hold on, you talking again to Melza?

Hey, can you hear me? I can hear you. I feel like we're doing a bit of a late night breakfast right now. Welcome. How are you? I'm good. How are you guys? Yeah, well, congratulations, firstly.

Thank you. Someone put a ring on it. Yeah. I know, finally. Finally. Oh, tell me about it. How long were you waiting for? Oh, well, probably not too long.

I mean, I pushed out a baby, so I was waiting for it. All right. Seven years we were engaged, my wife and I, before it. Yeah. No, seven years I took to ask her. Seven years together before I asked her, you know. Oh, wow. Yeah.

It was a long time. Okay. How does that sit on your scale, Demelza? Oh, that's way longer than us. All right. Maybe I'm just impatient. Now, you got married, but not only got married, but on a special day in New Zealand. You finished this story, Demelza.

Oh, okay. So, yeah, I actually had, well, I didn't really think that it was on our wedding day. I didn't think too much about it. I knew it was happening, but I didn't really think too much about the date because I was just so busy. And so your wedding day fell on election day. It wouldn't have been originally, right? But they moved the election, so it would have been moved to be on the same day, yeah.

Yeah, we moved our wedding and obviously they moved the election, so it just fell on the same day. And so you ended up getting married and voting. Yeah, we got married and then shot down to the voting. Like I said, left everything last minute. Ran in there, did that, and then went and got our photos and then went to the reception. So did the newspaper know that you were coming down?

Yes, they did. I thought it was just going to be a photo and then left. But no, it was like a whole bloody, it was a sitch up really. Sound like the media just stitched you up. I know. Do you know what we're actually going to do is we're going to read it this whole interview and just say that you regret getting married and we're going to stitch you up. That's what we do in the media.

I know, love a good sitch up. What did the other people voting at the same time think when you guys rolled in there? There was no one else in there. I feel like they'd really gone in earlier and they were a bit more sorted than I was. Because you could this year, you could obviously vote early. You didn't think about voting early? Yeah.

I did think about it. I worked full time and then I have like a toddler and then yeah, I just lost track of time really. Then a mate, someone who we know works at the Herald thought it would be a right laugh if we went downstairs

and did it, so we did. That's a cool thing. I think it's a nice special thing to do on your day. You'll remember it forever. Yeah, I know. It's a bit random.

Well, at least you, yeah. I mean, if you forget anything about your wedding day, you'll always remember that you made the odd news section. I know. And what does your man do? He's a builder. Oh, right. If you forget anything about your wedding day, you'll always remember that you made the odd news section. I know. And what does your man do?

He's a builder. Right. So Tyler, I think, is his name, right? Yep, that's the one. Obviously, you know which way he went in the wedding vows. Did you know which way he voted? No. Yeah, we're on different sides.

Oh, okay. Oh, you're politically different sides. Politically different and rugby different. Oh, there we go. It's a blur, isn't it, your wedding day? It goes so quickly. It does go fast. It does go fast. I mean, you're having so much fun. You're talking to everyone and drinking away and then you kind of lose track of how many drinks you've had. And then next thing you're voting and all of a sudden you're on the news. And you're talking to us, Jono and Ben. You're like, what's going on? I know.

And then everyone at work's having a good laugh about it. And I'm just like, I wasn't meant to be on there. I didn't know. Oh, no, it's good on you for doing it. Where did you think you were going to end up? I didn't. Honestly, I just didn't think about it at all. When a reporter said, can I interview you for the newspaper,

you were surprised that you ended up in the newspaper. I was in the newspaper. But that wasn't the newspaper. I know. I say yes and I don't think about it. Okay, just to be 100% clear, this is a radio interview right now. It's a nice chat. We're enjoying it, but it also will be played on the radio. I thought I was talking to my nan.

And then when you say you don't think about stuff, when you said yes and I do to your husband, you knew you were getting married? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Good on you. Hey, well, congratulations on being married. You sound like a wonderful person. And I hope you have a long and fruitful life together. Thank you.

Making poor life decisions every morning. It's Jono and Ben on the hits. Now, Poppy, my daughter, she... Last night, I realised something. Eats fish fingers. Probably five or six nights of the week. Every time we make dinner and then we're like, what do you want? She wants fish fingers. She won't eat the other.

It's just a diet. I didn't even know fish had fingers, but she's eating them. Something smells fishy, and it's my kitchen cooking fish fingers every night. And no matter how old you get, you always love a Cheerio, fairy bread, and fish fingers. Well, maybe if you're a vegetarian or vegan,

I don't know if the Cheerios are quite the thing for that first option. What is in a Cheerio? Oh, no. That's why the older you get, I think... The more you think about it. Yeah, the more you think about it. Yeah, the more you think about, oh, what's in this? What's wrapped up in this mini leftovers?

They're all just leftovers, aren't they? Yeah. But they're delicious. I don't care what they're made up of. They taste fantastic. But I thought nonstop fish fingers. I think Poppy could happily go through life just eating nothing but a diet of fish fingers. She's kind of like Simon Cowell with V-neck t-shirts. Right. And she's like, this, right? This is my thing.

I'll try to educate her and say there's other foods on the market. You know, you can branch out here, mate. You can have fish not in the finger form. You can have maybe a little bit. Yeah, but anyway, the kids love fish fingers, you're right. Okay, so we wanted to know, 0800 the hits, 4487 on the text.

What is something about your diet that would make us go, wow. Yeah. Yeah. It's a wow Wednesday. We can do this. Okay, let's go wow Wednesday. Haven't done this for a while. Food edition.

That's right. What would wow you about your diet? I, in the weekend, went to the Benny concert with the kids and really hungry afterwards because we didn't have time to give dinner and I had a Big Mac and I can't remember the last time I had a McDonald's burger. You haven't been to McDonald's

in years. And it's not like I'm anti, I just haven't been there, you know, like, yeah, and I was like, wow, I haven't had a McDonald's burger.

Yes, I probably had it for breakfast and it's not like I'd never avoid going there on any reason, I just hadn't had it. Yeah, right, Ronald once stood on his feet

with his giant size 19 feet and been, has never gone back. Ow. Ow. Yeah. What sort of restaurateur does that? So 0800, that's the telephone number. We know a guy who, he's a chicken-terian. Doesn't eat any other meat apart from chicken.

Yeah. We would go, wow. So only eats, you're right. Another friend of ours ate nothing but a bag of apples every day, remember? That's right, a whole bag of apples. Yeah, they say one a day keeps the doctor away. No doctors came and saw him. He probably needed to go see one

because it was severely affecting his health. But anyway, that's what we want. You wow us something from your diet that'll make us go wow. Remember we heard that story about the Russian tuna fishing boat that a friend of ours was working for the Coast Guard and they went on board.

It was travelling around New Zealand waters and they went on board and all the tuna they'd caught that was heading, I think, back to Russia had rats and stuff all on board running through the tuna. There we go. That's a

cheery thought for first thing on a Wednesday morning. So all I'm saying is keep away from the Russian tuna. If you're in Russia, stay away from canned tuna. We know its background. We'll go to Brooke in Auckland. Welcome. How are you?

Hey. What's going to make us go, wow, about your diet, Brooke? I've never had a cup of coffee. Really? You've never had the joy of tasting the most disgusting liquid on the market, fighting your way through it for a couple of years and eventually succumbing to it. Yeah, no, never.

Have you tried it? No, never tried it. The closest I've got is like a coffee-flavoured piece of cake or something like that, and it's just, it's so gross. I'm like, why do people want to drink this? You do have to battle through those first, you know, those first few months, don't you, to develop a taste for it. It's like wine.

It's like coffee and wine, but then once you're in there, once you're away. You can't back out. I mean, you have never felt the joy of coffee sweats, shakes. Yeah. You know, blinking,

that disgusting breath that it gives you when you're wearing a mask. Racing a million miles an hour. Oh, the joy of coffee. Yeah. Exactly. Yeah, well, do you want to come in and try your first coffee?

No, no, I'm good. Okay, all right. It's just that's kind of a radio thing. We'd probably do an extension. You'd come in and try your first coffee? No, no, I'm good. Okay, all right. That's called a radio thing. We'd probably do an extension. You'd come in. We'd be like, Brooks, can I have your first coffee? And you'd be like, uh, you know.

She's like, nah. Nah? Okay, all right. Hey, you've got to do these things as a radio host. I have pizza coming your way, all right? Cool, thank you. Love your work. Larissa, welcome. You're on New Zealand's Breakfast. What's going to make us go wow about your diet?

Let's see, because I have a lot of rehearsals starting from 8 o'clock to ending about 4 o'clock sometimes, so singing, dancing, piano. I have many buses to take to get around. So I just pack a packet of Tim Tams from the drawer, get a big bottle of water and just eat that during the day. You just only have Tim Tams every day. Wow.

That makes us go wow about your diet. And things are okay? They're all right? Because, I mean, I love a Tim Tam, but, you know. You're not in hospital on an intravenous drip right now? No, I'm good. Okay, okay. Yeah, she sounds jacked up on Tim Tams.

Can you do some singing for us and dancing on the radio? Take it away. Well, okay. I heard there was a secret chord that David played and he played the line. Wow. That's really good. Wow, your singing made us go, wow. Yeah, that's impressive.

Hold the line. You made it through to the boot camp, all right? You made it through to the whole pizza vouchers, all right? That's impressive. Keep up the great work. Thank you. See you, Larissa. We'll go out with Neil.

He's in Hamilton. What's going to make us go, wow, about your diet, Neil? I have offal once a week. Oh, offal. What is offal? I can't. It sounds disturbing. I don't know if you want to Google it.

I think it's all the bits and pieces that many people... Heart, liver, kidney. You know, it's the internal organs of an animal. It's the stuff that a lot of people wouldn't eat. I guess in some ways you're using everything up. That's the positive I see in it. Are you a seagull? No.

Well, when I was growing up, we lived on a farm. So we just used every bit of the animal. Mate, everything. The hooves, the eyes, the fence posts. Not quite. Oh, wow. Okay, well, you wowed us. You wowed me.

Now we're going to give you some hell pizza, which is, yeah, better than awful. But hey, hell pizza should do an, yeah, better than awful, but hey. Hell pizza should do an awful pizza. How do you do it? Do you boil it or do you roast it? What do you do? You fry it. I'm like, your liver and all the kidney in there, you fry it.

Gotcha. Stuffed hearts, you bake it. There we go. There we go. I can't wait to try awful. Boy, oh boy. Thank you so much, Neil. You're going to have a wonderful day, mate. Thank you for listening to try off all. Boy, oh boy. Thank you so much, Neil. You go and have a wonderful day, mate.

Thank you for listening. Same with you. We apologise in advance. It's Jono and Ben on the hits. Big news. Small town. Town, town, town, town, town. We like to look at some news that maybe mainstream media is avoiding.

And this week's news comes from Hawke's Bay. A couple of big events happening this week. That's right. Huge weekend for New Zealand's naturist community. And I imagine the winter months are tough for the naturists. You really have to fight through that sort of June, July, August period. The colder months, yeah. You'd be working hard there as a naturist.

But we're joined from the Hawke's Bay Naturist Club by Wendy. Welcome to New Zealand's Breakfast. Good morning. Hi. Are you clothed or unclothed at the moment? I'm at work, so I'm clothed. Oh, right. I was wondering, what are the rules around being a naturist? Is it your hobby time you spend mostly in your birthday suit?

As much time as we can, really. Yeah, I mean, you live in a great part of New Zealand, Hawke's Bay. It's a good place to be naked, I imagine. Absolutely. So how long have you been doing this? Since I met my husband nearly 14 years ago. All manner of activities, naked, gardening, washing the car, mowing the lawns? Yes, you have to wear gumboots though.

Making toast? Absolutely. Yeah, I guess you can make toast. Yeah, you can do lots of things. Watching TV? Everything. I'm not sure if guys gets a bit tricky, but that's what April's are for.

The fat splatters would be a nightmare, wouldn't they? They can be, yes. And so would you be naked from the moment you wake to the moment you go to bed? If it's warm enough, yes. All right. What a freeing way to live. Absolutely.

A really good sense of your own well-being and it gives you a lot more self-confidence as well. Yeah, Ben tried to introduce Naked Fridays here at work, but it didn't quite... HR, they had their questions. Yeah, they're keen on that one. So you've got an event coming up this week, I understand? We've got a couple of events this weekend. So Saturday is World Nude Gardening Day Down Under.

Every nature's club throughout the country will be having a nude gardening day on Saturday. Down Under's got a whole new meaning when you put it in that context, don't you? And what exactly are you gardening? What hedges are you trimming? What bushes are you trimming, Wendy? Won't be trimming hedges so much. It's just working bees generally to tidy all the grounds to get ready for summer. But the big thing that the Hawke's Bay Club has got planned is on Sunday,

we're going to be doing a community rubbish clean-up. So we're travelling... Naked! Probably not, given that we'll be out on public roads. Yeah, I was going to say that, because obviously you guys do this, and it's what makes you feel good, and it's a nice freeing thing, but yeah, I can imagine there's certain times that you can't do

it in public, or when people come over, and they're not I guess uncomfortable with that, right? Well, actually, it's not illegal to be naked in public in New Zealand. Right. There was a case that went to the High Court quite a few years ago now, it was actually by my husband, and he won that case. I don't case that went to the High Court quite a few years ago now. It was actually by my husband. And he won that case.

I don't know if you remember the Naked Cyclist from about 10 years ago. I think I do remember the Naked Cyclist. Yeah, right. So it is actually legal to be naked anywhere in public, but you also have to consider who's around you and the place and the circumstance. I mean, you're not going to the Santa Parade naked. No, no, you're right. Well, good on you for being responsible about it.

That's great. The Westfield Mall, you probably wouldn't go naked as well. I have another question too, if you don't mind. The activities that you participate in. Whenever I see a story about naturists on the news, it's always swinging style activities. You've got your volleyballs, you know, your golfs, your tennis,

which sort of lends itself to a lot of swinging. Bits and pieces go, you know, like, yeah, that's what you mean, right? Right. I'm glad you clarified that. Yeah, swinging's a whole other context. Oh, no, no, I didn't mean like this. I mean, yeah, a lot of shaking,

a lot of shaking around, you know, and the sports don't really match. At least at the end of the game, you haven't got sweaty clothes that need to be washed. That's true. You must save a bit on washing clothes. I guess that's a great benefit, right? Yes, it is, especially in the summertime. What you save on washing powder, you'd have to make up for with sunscreen costs, I imagine.

Wow, true. A lot more of your body to sunscreen. Yeah, we probably do, but we're not stupid about being outside. You know, if it gets too hot and you're a little bit burnt, you put a t-shirt on just to cover up. Oh, I sort of dress like Donald Duck. Yeah. T-shirt on top. Winnie the Pooh also

did that as well. Yeah, Winnie the Pooh. Yeah. Oh, well, lovely talking to you. Thank you for answering our questions. It's quite fascinating, you know, when you're not knowing much about it. So I really appreciate you taking the time and hopefully your events this weekend, World Gardening Day and also picking up rubbish around Hawke's Bay go really well. All right. Thank you very much.

If people want to find out any more info, where can they find out about the club? So there is a website, gonatural.co.nz. Very good. Well, thank you for your time this morning. Appreciate it. You're welcome. Like starting your day with Panda Eyes. It's Jono and Ben

on the hits. By thewhatsappby.co.nz Whether you love them or whether you hate them, you're going to have to sit there for three minutes and hear her talk about them. It's Juliet with all the latest celebrity gossip and spy. Thank you. So I'd like to pose a question to you both. If you could describe

what it was like being in lockdown with your two kids, how would you describe it? Like, apart from the pandemic and the horrible stuff that was going on with, you know, the economy and people's jobs, I actually loved the family time. I really loved that everything kind of slowed down and you kind of

just hung out with your kids because you're racing around, you're working normally, you're doing a million things, you're dropping the kids off at gymnastics or their guitar, you know, it was quite nice to go, I've got none of that happening. We're just hanging out.

It was kind of cool. So your kids behaved? Yeah, they were actually, they loved it too. I loved teaching them, homeschooling them after three or four beers. I felt my educating...

Oh, you got better at pool, like a game of pool. Yeah, I took more risks with my education. Oh, you need to find out about of pool. Yeah, I took more risks with my education. Oh, you need to find out about this. Yeah, I'll show you some stuff on the internet. I'll give you some home truths. Not everything works out for people, kids.

Well, Eva Mendez, who is married to Ryan Gosling, they're usually quite private about their family life, but she has explained... I didn't even know she was married to Ryan Gosling. Neither did I, really. That's how private they are. Yeah, so they've got two daughters, and she said that being in lockdown with them

was like running some kind of bed and breakfast with very drunk and aggressive guests. That's what she compared it to. Yeah, we've likened looking after kids to looking after mini-drunk narcissists. Would that be fair? Yeah, they can be, yeah, right. Especially when they're quite little

and they're all over the place. They're just in their own world. And it would just be amazing if we took a child's mindset through the rest of life. They say it like it is. They say what's in their mind. Nothing stresses them out. They don't care if they've got their shoes on the wrong feet or they haven't brushed their teeth in four days.

Imagine if the world was like that. It'd be a very unproductive place, but it'd be a better place. It's like children and in the elderly. They're both pretty the same. They just don't care what they do or what they say, right? That's right. Yeah, well, I mean, once you get over the age of 85, you've got nothing to lose. Yeah, exactly. You don't care who

you offend. And that is Spy. Thanks to thehits.co.nz. You can check out our website if you want more as well. Lou in calories and Lou in laughs. It's Jono and Ben on the Hits. Now, over the weekend, I had probably what was the most pointless argument with my lovely wife, Amanda. Was she lovely when you were having an argument? Well, no, it was one of those things that, you know how you have these debates, these arguments in the moment,

and it happened in the weekend, I was backing out of the driveway, and that's always, you know, that's always a bit of a stressful situation. You know me, I'm not a great parallel parker. Well, how is it still stressing you out? I mean, you've backed out of that driveway, you know, every morning you back out of that driveway. Is it still a stressful situation? It's just, you know, you're just concentrating.

You're concentrating, you're making sure the footpath's clear, there's no cars coming out the road. I'm making sure that everything is, yeah, going to be fine and safe. We've got the whole family in the car. There's not much room for error. No. I know. You run a tight gate. There's not much room for error. No.

You run a tight gate. It's sort of six centimetres on either side. So I'm going down there carefully, and as I'm going out of the driveway, my wife makes a noise. Oh, yeah. And so if you're backing and you're me, I get flustered at the best.

He's a jittery individual. Julia, you know this. You've come to know him. This suddenly gets me super flustered. Like the thought and the sound of someone going, that just gets me so flustered. I know. And then you either slam on the brake or slam on the accelerator at that moment.

One of two options by accident. Yeah. So my wife went, and then went, oh my God, that's such a cute dog. That was the sentence that she came out with from a,

that is a cute dog. You know, like, and I was just like, please. I did slam on the brakes. Ironically, the dog was stuck under the car. But it was cute up until that point. The dog was across the road.

The dog was fine. The dog was fine. But she noticed a cute dog and made that noise. And then we got into a debate about how can you say a noise when someone's backing and you're meaning it in a cute way. Yeah, I know. But I've never seen a dog and gone, it's not a gasping thing. That's what I said to her. But she's like, I can't help what I make for a noise.

Because if I say a cute dog, I'm not controlling what I say. But that's more of an aww situation. That's what I said. That's what I said. But she was like, I can't help it. I didn't do it on purpose, which I understand now. But at the time, that noise to me meant the dog was, like you said, potentially under the tyre, which it wasn't.

R.I.P. dog. I mean, the guy hosts a dog show. You think you'd look out for them? They're all over the place, mate. I was looking out for dogs. So, yeah, it was a pointless argument. And later, as I reflected, I was like, well, I really got quiet. You wound up about it. Around the way that she reacted was a pointless argument. And later, as I reflected, I was like, well, I really got quiet. You wound up about it.

Around the way that she reacted to a cute dog. Yeah, but I mean, it was a highly strung moment for you. Any other moment of the day, you probably would have accepted it. That's a cute dog. We're walking down the street. I'm like, oh, you're right. That is a cute dog. Yeah, I know.

It's the environment. And I tell you what, one thing that winds Jennifer up, my wife, more than anything, is I'm in the passenger seat, and I go, whoa, whoa, whoa. There's a car coming. Oh, I tell you what, I can kick it off there. Whoa, whoa, whoa. You know, I see a car coming. Oh, I tell you what. Let's hope her wife's not listening to that. What more Jono and Ben? You can catch up with the boys anytime. Just search Jono and Ben on Instagram. Kia ora, I'm Ash Thomas and this is the B***hing News.

Basically, producer Juliette unnecessarily beeps words from the latest headlines and we try to clumsily guess the answer. And it's the only part of the show that we have to beep or censor because the rest is wholesome, Family fun. Oh, totally. Okay? Totally, totally. It's a clean programme. Are we ready for the first one? Let's do it, Producer Jew. Rail work is suspended for building

under Grand Central Station in New York. Ooh, building something underneath Grand Central Station. I'm going to say building meaningful relationships. That's nice. There's no place to build a meaningful relationship under a train station. No. I reckon it's the house for the Ninja Turtles.

They used to live in New York, didn't they, underground? Not paying rent as well. And the sewers, too. And a lot of pizza. I reckon, you know, not ideal pizza-eating conditions, but anyway. And then go and fight above ground and spread the sewer germs. Maybe they were the course of COVID. Oh, maybe. Rail workers suspended for building luxury man cave

under Grand Central Station in New York. Isn't that good? They found a room and they filled it with alcohol and games and everything like that. And the bosses didn't know. And then they're like, where are these workers? Sees them, goes, hunts for them, and then they're downstairs in the man cave.

It's quite impressive. Yeah, they slowly get slurrier and slurrier as their workday goes on. The train tracks sort of go off at different angles and all sorts. Exactly. Exactly. Creative. New stories that were baked out. What's the next one?

Couple named their daughter after *** to get a free deal for 18 years. What did a couple name their daughter to get a free deal for 18 years? It feels like a wacky radio thing, doesn't it? But I'm going to say Valentine's because they wanted a deal not just on their birthday. They wanted free Valentine's. Not, yeah, just outside their birthday. I was going to say my birthday today. Again, so they get free meals everywhere on their birthday.

Well, this is almost, I'd say this is arguably better. A couple named their daughter after a Wi-Fi provider to get a free deal for 18 years. So it's a Swiss couple and the Wi-Fi name is Twi-Fi, I think it's called, the name of the company, and so they've named her Twi-Fire. And they've got a... Did they get free Wi-Fi? They did, they did. For 18 years.

How good, how good. Yeah. I'd do something like that, I think. So did they do that before or, you know, did they go, hey, we've done this or was it part of like a wacky competition? I think it was part of a competition. I think it was part of something where they said, the company said if you, you know, if someone's...

Advertise something, what would you do? Yeah, yeah, yeah. They said that. We're sponsored by our friends at Skinny and they provide wonderful internet too and cell phone coverage. Ben, I'd like you to name your daughter Skinny. You could name yourself Skinny and they provide wonderful internet too and cell phone coverage. Ben, I'd like you to name your daughter Skinny. You could name yourself Skinny.

We could call you Skinny. Ben's official name now for free Wi-Fi for the next 12 months at least until the contract ends. The friendship ends. And the final one vengeful Ikea customers name road near store *** Street. So there's a road near Ikea.

I reckon they named it Kmart Street. Just to rub it in their face. I'm going to go Flatpack Street because no one likes putting together flatpacks from those stores. I'm going to go Ikea customers. Name road near store. I'm missing a screw street. Just to fully dig at Ikea and having to, when you build your own stuff, there's always stuff missing. I'll do this extra stuff.

We always say there's extra screws. Yeah, because I think I don't do it properly. So I'm like, oh, there's extra screws. They must put these in just in case. There's no more testing time in a couple's relationship than having to team up and put a piece of furniture together.

I had to assemble a bed with Jen. Wow. We were sleeping in separate beds after that. But the bed was kind of made. So we wanted to hold the flat pack champs, didn't we, where you get couples together

in a race against time. But you could mess with them by taking one item out. Oh, you could. And if you were the manufacturers of flat packs, you'd be like, oh, we'd probably need

to put all the screws in. Yeah. And you're like, where's the thing? You always go in with, I always go in with the blind confidence of, I don't need to read the instructions. Oh, you're that guy. I just like, where's the thing? You always go in with the blind confidence of I don't need to read the instructions.

I just like to look at the picture and go, surely, this is easy to assemble. Turns out you need the instructions. Every time you need the instructions. I think you do. That is News and Beeps this morning. Thank you very much. Sorry, I'll wrap that up. Would you like to wrap it up now?

That is the News and Beeps. Wake up full of shame. going to wrap that up. Would you like to wrap it up now? That is the news in B. There we go. Wake up full of shame. Wake up with these guys. It's Jono and Ben on the hits. Scrolling through your feed. Fresh from reading every odd news section on the internet, I proudly present my odd friend Benjamin Boyce with what's happened overnight.

Well, now, if you've ever dreamed, Jono, have you dreamed of having an image of New Zealand First Leader Winston Peters wearing a cowboy hat proudly hanging in your living room? One of my top ten dreams, Ben Boyce. Sitting at number eight. Well, that's what the article says, because there's now an artwork of Winston

Peters. It's actually quite an impressive picture. He's wearing a cowboy hat and it's created, the picture's created using coffee, red wine, and tea, and it's for sale right now on Trade Me. If they included tobacco as well, that is just Winston Peters' diet for the last 35 years. Some of his favourite things with a bit of a gold card added in as well.

Is it slowly going to start smelling over time? You wonder that. It looks really impressive. Right now it's $277 but he's got a cowboy hat. It's called The Last Rodeo. And he loves the cowboy themed things, doesn't he? I remember we were talking to Jack Tame, journalist, a few weeks ago, and he was talking about Jack being Billy the Kid.

Okay, let me ask another question. I regret coming here this morning to stop off my campaign to come along to see some junior thinks he's going to play Billy the Kid. He does love it. And he's got a white horse up north at his property that he rides as well and he rode that horse like he rode Jack Tame. What? Like he straddled Jack Tame all the way

through that interview. Billy the Kid. He actually came and we interviewed him because what he didn't do in the interview was finish his anecdote. Explain what he means. He was like, you're Billy the Kid trying to come at me and he was insinuating

but he didn't say. He was the sheriff. Yes. And he's like, the sheriff's been around a long time. Don't you come at me, You want to come in there

slinging your guns with your questions, that sort of thing. Why does he explain that to us? I was like, oh, I get the reference. Yeah. And as well as that,

if you're missing, you know, travelling and airline food, well, there's a Finnish airline that's offering travellers, they're putting it in stores, airline food. So you can buy like the meals that you would get on the airline. Who isn't missing a stale bread roll and something that kind of resembles meat? And the meals include some interesting things that obviously is popular over there, including reindeer, which is obviously something they eat over there as well. But they also have beef and teriyaki and all sorts of other stuff as well. Don't worry, kids. They leave the good ones still to do the deliveries. But what they do with the rest of them?

Well, the ones that fail and don't meet Santa's grade, they get eaten. I'm sorry, but that is the harsh reality of reindeers. One of my favourite moments on a plane was travelling with you back from America, and you were very tired. Oh, yeah, it'd been a long trip. You fell asleep. Like, we hadn't taken off. Like, as soon as you sat down, you fell asleep.

Yeah. And you slept non-stop the whole day. 13 hours, all the way back to New Zealand. Like, you did not wake up once. And the guy who was coming along, you know, to give you food and stuff like that, he kept putting food in front of you and then I'd be like, oh it's really tired, don't wake him up. I need to take it away

and then he'd come a bit later and give you more food I woke up under a giant pyramid of airline food You did not wake up until we landed It was like Jenga, stacked slowly from Los Angeles to Auckland. It was pretty impressive the whole time you did not wake up It makes the flight It felt like five impressive. The whole time you did not wake up. No, and it's such, it makes the flight.

It felt like five minutes. You know when you sleep and you wake up and it feels like no time has passed. That's the way to go. That's the way to go. Another thing I've also said to the kids this morning, the harsh realities of reindeer, also sleeping pills. They're fantastic. Okay, if you want to knock yourself out.

Within reason. Have a good sleep. Have a good sleep. Medical advice. I feel like I need to say something, some sort of disclaimer. I don't know what the actual legal terms are. So just a disclaimer, disclaimer, disclaimer. Listen, if you want to make a flight and go quickly, kids, take some sleeping pills. No, no, no.

Have a whiskey. Start your day the wrong way. It's Jono and Ben on the Hits. Now, this is really sad to see. Top designer, you'll know, Dame Trillies Cooper, she's really upset because thieves have broken into her Auckland head office and stolen about $500,000 worth of clothing. Oh, really?

Sample clothing, all the stuff that she was about to manufacture for their new range, and all that's left was one lonely hanger, and they're looking for, obviously, the thieves that took that. Really sad. Was it described as one lonely hanger? Yeah, that's what she said. It was, yeah. She said one for, obviously, the thieves that took them. They're really sad. Was it described as One Lonely Hanger? Yeah, that's what she said. It was, yeah. She said One Lonely, that's what she said on social.

Well, actually, our TV studio was in the same building as her office, wasn't it? That's right. Two of the most unfashionable people living right next door to the most fashionable person. Yes, you're right. Remember we were driving through Te Arau on the way to Lake Taupo the other week for our whole of one thing. And there's a Trelease Cooper outlet store. Oh, in Te Arau. In Te Arau.

I tell you what, they have really committed to corrugated iron. Everything is corrugated iron. I feel like maybe 50, 100 years ago there was some corrugated iron salesman came into Te Arau. He's like, you know what the future is? Corrugated iron. They're like, okay, should we build the whole town in corrugated iron? We're all on board, guys.

This is going to be the future. Now they're stuck with it still. It's kind of their thing though, right? The big giant dog and the giant sheep and it's all over, yeah. But you went into Trillies Cooper

and your wife wanted a bat or a jacket or something. Yeah, jacket. It was a lovely jacket. But I was like, oh, if this is discount. This is the outlet store price. So that leads me to believe that you did a job on Tralee's Cooper.

Oh, no, don't. He wouldn't pay for the jacket. No. But he will go and steal all the prototypes. No, she's awesome. She's amazing. She makes some amazing clothes and it's really sad to see. It is very sad to see.

And I was just like, what happens to that stuff? Yeah. Would it turn up on Trade Me? You wouldn't think so. Surely not because everyone will know what it is. So hopefully it all gets returned and it's all fine. A friend of mine worked for a popular brand in the warehouse and their place got robbed over the weekend.

Not this weekend, but a weekend. And all the stuff ended up on Facebook Marketplace. And then they traced it back to one of the people he works with. And they're like, mate, you know, come on. You can keep the stuff, but at least two steps removed sort of thing. If it was under his name. Facebook friends, they're like, oh hey mate. Billy, the guy from

Nike, selling all these Nike shoes at three quarters of the price. Like starting your day without your morning coffee. It's Jono and Ben on my heads. Another thing that really, Ray, I was talking about this price. Like starting your day without your morning coffee. It's Jono and Ben on the hits. The A to Z of New Zealand.

Another thing that really raised, I was talking about you raising the credibility of the show when you say JoBros as well. Oh, did you know that?

And the other day you said on the remix yesterday. What did you do yesterday? It was quite good. I said something. I feel like you're

taking the mickey out No, no, I like it. It's good. Julia, you're a millennial. Yeah, it makes you look really hip and cool. You are really hip and cool. I'm not one of these people that, what do I say? I'm it. It's good. Julia, you're a millennial. Yeah, it makes you look really hip and cool. You are really hip and cool.

I'm not one of those people that can say cool things. When a millennial says you're hip and cool, you're hip and cool. Don't I? Take it as a compliment. No, it's one of those things. You're my cool uncle. This is the thing. I'm not.

She's never called me hip and or cool. Every time I do that. You've got to wait a while to get this. You dabble in something. You might say something in it again. You go, oh, that was dope. And you're like, why did I say that? I look like a dope for saying that. I can't pull dope off.

Looks like that, you know? I can't go, let's get lit. I can't say that. Yes, you can. Oh, yeah, but not well. You're laughing at me as I'm saying, let's get lit. You're like, whatever, old man. Yeah, pretty much.

The only thing you should be lighting is your pipe, your slippers while you're reading a paper anyway. Or maybe extra lighting to read the menu at a darkened restaurant. Hey, does that in New Zealand, we're phoning every town and city in Aotearoa. That's why we're talking over the national anthem of New Zealand. And today we're heading to Hulperi. Now, Hulperi is located on the west coast of the South Island,

home to 530 people in the last week alone. Ben Boyce has ripped off more people with his online scams than the population of Halperty. But do you know what? This is rugged country, much like Ben Boyce's rugged looks. And I tell you what, if you haven't killed an animal with your bare hands

don't be showing your face around Halperty. It's also home to Gloria Vale, a lesser-known Christian community who has had zero to little coverage in the press over the years. People are quite fascinated by Gloria Vale, aren't they? I guess it's one of those things that people don't, you know, you don't know what's going on all over the place and it's their own. They've got a number too. They've got a website, Gloria Vale, and phone numbers.

We'll go through to Gloria Vale now. See if they can tell us about Halperi. Gloria Vale, Rebecca speaking. Hello, Gloria Vale. Is this Rebecca? Yes, it is. Hi, Rebecca. It's Jono and Ben here.

How are you? Good, thank you. We're phoning every town and city in New Zealand, and Hauperi is next on the list. Oh, yeah. Is it a beautiful place? Oh, yes. We love it. Yeah, we've got no other agenda apart from finding out about Hauperi.

I know. We love it here. Thanks. Great place. Good on you. And what is there to do there? Lots. We're very busy.

We have lots of children to look after, lots of people to feed, lots of washing to do. So, yeah. Now, do you use washing machines? Oh, definitely. Oh, you do use washing machines? Yeah, I don't think they're like,

they're not, you know, like Amish or anything. Right? You use technology. Oh, no, no, we're right up with it. Yeah. Have you got a car? Yes, we have a car. Okay, all right.

Maybe I'm, yeah, I think you've got a little bit confused. Now, tell me, how many people live there? Coming up to 600. Gee whiz. Do you know all of their names? Definitely, yep. Oh, you would?

You would? That's impressive. Can you name all 600 now? Oh, it'd take me a while, but I don't have much time at the moment. You sound busy. You sound like you've got a lot of stuff going on. What's happening today? Yeah, it's the usual second day, very busy on the phone.

All right. What other phone stuff are you doing? Oh, I'm the secretary here, so yeah, I'm just putting calls through flat out. Your top three favourite people out of the 600. Oh, that's putting you on the spot. Yeah, because they're all my favourites. They're all my friends here. So, yeah, I couldn't say who was better than the other.

Well, you've got to have favourites. I love them all. Oh, you love them all equally. That's nice. That's nice. Well, you do workmates then, Jono. Go on. Favourite workmates?

At the hits. Okay. Top three and everyone else doesn't matter. There you go. Rachel, do you want to hear my top three favourites? Rachel's like, can I go now? Yeah, yeah. Top three and everyone else doesn't matter. There you go. Rachel, do you want to hear my top three favourites? Rachel's like, can I go now? Yeah, yeah.

I got to go. I got to go. Well, listen, you go back to using those washing machines and then driving that car. Really nice to talk to you. Thank you for your time. We really do appreciate it. Okay. Not a morning person.

Sadly, neither of these two. It's Jono and Ben on the hits. After the show today, we're in the midst of hosting an awards show for a company at the moment. We did one day yesterday. It was a lot of fun, yeah. It was a lot of fun.

And at lunchtime, we sat down with everyone and there was a platter of cheese placed on our table. And we're like, oh, okay, this is a cheese platter of cheese placed on our table. I'm like, oh okay, this is a cheese platter for lunch. Lovely, lovely. And then the lady who was organising was like, we heard you demanded a platter of cheese

for the event and I don't know where this came from. This is how Alan's thing spiralled out of control. Our wild cheese demands. And it's a fact. We do demand 47 of the world's greatest cheeses, handmade by the virgins of the Himalayan hills. And we want that on a platter for lunch.

That's what we demand. She was joking, but I think everyone around, obviously, she didn't hear the fact that she was joking. So it did look like we had been handed the cheese. It was for everyone. And then everyone was too scared to eat the cheese because it was on our table. They thought it was our cheese. It made us look like.

Even though she was being lovely and she was like, hey, here's your cheese platter as a joke. As I left, I was like, tonight I want you to milk something, an animal I've never heard of, and make cheese from it. Antelope cheese. Weasel cheese. Can you milk a weasel? I don't know. Milk it and make some cheese out of it because that's what I demand. And also

we ask them to refer to us as the supreme leader and only look at us and our knees. Not our eyes. Just stare at our knees. Look at the knees. The entire time. No, but it was a very fun day. It was a very fun day. After that, on the way home, I was like, geez, do they actually think we have these wild cheese demands and i got into a list one of my favorite things to get lost in is a uh top 10 or you'll never guess the worst wildest celebrity demands right these but these could be like our situation where it was like it was a joke oh hang on this is... Yeah. Beyonce demands her room must be at 78 degrees. I don't know what that translates to. Oh, because it won't be a year Celsius.

What else? Jesus Christ. She wants to live in an oven. Basically put her in a benchtop oven and Beyonce's happy. That's her happy room temperature. That's why she doesn't tour New Zealand, Mark, because she's like... And she can't be in the same room as a can of Coca-Cola.

That's surely a yarn. Well, she's got to deal with Pepsi. She's got to deal with Pepsi. Oh, right. You're too famous for me. Get out of here. You're a delicious, delicious drink. She can't even walk into a supermarket.

I can't even be in the same atmosphere as a can of Coca-Cola. Kanye has a barber's chair that needs to be in every room he's in just in case he wants a haircut. Because you never know what room you're in when you want a haircut. He used to fly around a barber with him and get his hair cut every day, didn't he? That's right, he did too.

And there was another one here. Adele. Heard of her? Yeah, I've heard of her. Adele. She's doing alright. She's going alright. Pack of Marlboro Siggy's in every dressing room.

And that's all she wants. Just a pack. Just a giant pack of cancer. And that's her only demand. And that's lovely. And a chicken sandwich, actually. Oh, that's nice. A chicken sandwich and a cigarette.

What a wonderful. You could demand a lot more, though, right? Yeah, you show me a good time, you give me a chicken sandwich and a Siggy. I don't even know if these people actually demand that. We were lucky enough to have Justin Bieber on our TV show. And it's just the people, you know, that organise it. We're like, oh, this, this, this. He didn't eat any of the stuff.

And afterwards, we're like, oh, let's get into his snacks. We left him. Oh, we ate Bieber's chips. Oh, we ate Bieber's chips. That's right. They were nice chips. They were lovely chips. They were lovely chips.

So, yeah, today, another platter of cheese on the way. Pryor and Boyce, weasel cheese, I'm expecting. Want more Jono and Ben? You can catch up with the boys anytime. Just search Jono and Ben on Facebook. Buy the WhatsApp by doco.nz She has an addiction to something beginning with C.

It's celebrity. Producer, and a rampant cocaine addiction, but we don't talk about that on the radio, do we? It's producer Juliet with Spy. What's happening, mate? So, Kirsten Dunst, if you remember, back in sort of when COVID hit, she was in the country along with Benedict Cumberbatch and her fiance filming for a movie. And when the country went into lockdown, they flew back to America.

And then when restrictions were slightly eased a bit, they had to come back to finish filming. But everyone's up in arms because... My arms are already up. I'm just holding them up right now. Why are we up in arms? Tell me why. Because her nanny... Tell me why. I'm saying nothing but... That was a good reference.

So the nanny was deemed an essential worker to look after Kirsten's child and was allowed to come back into the country, avoid all border restrictions, and look after her child while she finished filming. But hold on, that's not what the rest of us had to do. Oh, is it that bad? Hold on, no, no.

Is it that bad? No, no. What, is she coming in, she's going to go again when they leave? They'll be tested, they'll be, you know. I'll tell you what is essential. It's essential we have famous people in New Zealand or else the rest of the world forgets about us. You're right.

So if Kirsten Dunst wants to bring her nanny, I mean, what were we expecting that when she goes off to film the movie she just leaves her baby to fend for herself? True.

To forage. You can't bring your nanny here. To forage in the Waitakere Ranges. Yeah. Why would she want someone looking after her kid? What a stupid lady.

That is a valid point to be fair. I love it. Are we really up in arms? This is one of those examples of, is the media creating this? Anyway, we work in the media, so hush. It's a great thing. No, no, it's good.

You know, we need to create the hype, mate. We love being outraged. Listen, I think Kirsten does. Everyone's like, they don't treat them like the rest of us. No, because she's a freaking movie star, you idiots. She's better than us. She's a better, greater human being. That is a good point.

And Dawson's Creek is going to be hitting Netflix next month. But again, people are up in arms. My arms are up again. I'm in arms. I'm outraged again. Why am I outraged? Tell me. Because it's missing one key thing.

The creek. The creek's dried up. That's the global warming. The creek is no longer there, guys. So this isn't you, Dawson's Creek, or the old one we love? Actually, here's a good question. I just read the headline. Because you didn't know about Dawson's Creek,

obviously, being 22. It was kind of the Riverdale, I guess, of our generation. It was, actually. That's a good example. I never really watched, but I always remember the girls coming to school and being like, oh, Dawson and his creek. It was actually. That's a good example. I never really watched it, but I always remember the girls coming to school and being like, oh, Dawson and his creek. It was Joey and Pacey. It's so creaky. I can't remember what they said, but they said some stuff.

So the creek's not dried up, but the theme song... It's not going to be part of it. It's missing the theme song. And so people are like, well, Dawson's Creek shouldn't be on Netflix it. It's missing the theme song. And so people are like, well, Dawson's Creek shouldn't be on Netflix if it doesn't have the theme song. What if it's a rights thing? What if it's like, hey, we haven't got the rights to put that on there? Who's sung this song?

They'd be gagging to get it back on for another bird, wouldn't they? Like None the Richer or something? Yeah, something, yeah. But we spoke to James Van Der Beek a few years ago, who is the main actor. He was the owner of the Creek, Dawson. He was Dawson. Got into the real estate game, purchased a creek. Odd thing to get into the property ladder, but anyway.

And it was right about the time that Katie Holmes who's also a bass, that's how she became famous on Dawson's Creek. She was in the Air New Zealand video, the safety video at the time with Cuba Gunning Jr. And we were like, oh, she's in this Air New Zealand safety video. He's like, what? She sold her soul

for an airline? He's like, oh? She sold her soul for an airline? He's like, oh, send me the link. So we just emailed him the link, and he laughed. He replied with lol. He enjoyed it. There we go. That was Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise got his Scientology clause into it, wasn't it?

It was before they became married and all that. There we go. There's all of us vaguely remembering Dawson's Creek. And the theme song. That's five more you can go to the hits.co.nz. More painful than your alarm clock.

It's Jono and Ben on the hits. Wrapping up our show on a Wednesday. A feeling good. Why is it going to be a good day for you? This is where we like

to end the show on a good note. You know, I actually noticed something. Have you been to kids swimming? Kids swimming lessons? Oh, watching? Yes. Yeah, and actually noticed something. Have you been to kids swimming? Kids swimming lessons? Oh, watching? Yes.

And all the kids, and I don't want to stereotype but I tell you, when kids are in swimming caps and goggles, they look all the same. They look identical. I spent 20 minutes on Sunday cheering on the wrong child. The parents are like, he's really getting involved in that, yeah. Who's the creepy ball guy chanting?

Yeah, come on You can do it Good work They all look identical Don't they So it's a good day for me That I've now realised That what my kid looks like

In a swimming cap and goggles No one looks cooler No cooler moment in fashion Is there with a swimming cap And goggles on you Oh yeah And I always love When you take your goggles off

And then you get the extra insult With the rings around your eyes It's like when you've had A massage in the mall And you take your goggles off and then you get the extra insult with the rings around your eyes. It's like when you've had a massage in the mall and you put your face in that hole. You don't realise it too when everyone's looking at you like, oh. You've got the red ring around your face. Oh, I tell you what, let's go to the phones. Lisa's on the air from Invercargill. What's it going to be?

Good day for you, matey. Hi, guys. Look, yesterday I did a job interview online and the questions come up and asked why I wanted the job. Now, Predictive Text took over and the text sort of sent without me being aware that fast and it said, I'm currently partying. Uh-oh. Did you get the gig? I thought, oh my gosh, I'm so not getting this job.

But I got an email back and I have an interview today. Oh, nice. That's good. They need some good morale. Everyone loves a party. This lady is the lady for us. Lisa, she's shocking. Her output on Monday is shocking after the weekend, but she's great for morale on a Friday afternoon.

Well, good luck for the job interview, alright? We really appreciate you calling the show. We're going to fuck you out double past at Reading Cinemas. Thank you. Look after yourself, Lisa. Let's head to Morgan. Why is it going to be a good day for you in Auckland today, Morgan? Hey, I've got a day off and it's sunny, so I'm very excited. Oh, you go out to the beach and do some stuff.

Yeah, good. What do you do for a job? Self-employed, compliance and tertiary education. Oh, compliance and tertiary education. Yes. I don't understand nothing about that job, but I'll pretend I do. Have a wonderful day. We'll send you off to Reading Cinemas.

Maybe you can do that today on your day off. Fabulous. Thank you. Good on you, Morgan. We'll take one more. Christy, you're on the air. New Zealand's breakfast. It's going to be a good day.

Wrap it up for us. Because it's the last day of the week for me today. I'm having Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Monday off because I'm turning 40. Whoop, whoop. Whoop, whoop. Well, happy birthday. You know what? You're taking the whole week off.

When you turn 40 and celebrate, it takes you five days to recover. Exactly. Exactly right. Well, have a happy, happy birthday. Enjoy your week celebrating. We're going to flick you double past the cinemas, all right? Awesome. Awesome.

Hey, good on you. Tomorrow on the show, we've got Matthew Lewis. He's one of the stars of Harry Potter. He joins us on the show tomorrow. Want more Jono and Ben? You can wake up with the boys' weekdays from 6 on The Hits and via the iHeartRadio app. Jono and Ben on The Hits Breakfast.

Friends of Skinny. Happy, happy, happy, oh, oh.