Jono, Ben & Megan - The Podcast - October 29 - Neil Finn, Your Costume Fails, We Have A Company Credit Card

Episode Date: October 28, 2020

On today's podcast, Ben shared a rather embarrassing situation he had at a shop yesterday that involved his daughter and chocolate ice cream - a weird situation that he didn't handle very well! We were also joined by Neil Finn, who has just announced that he and the rest of Crowded House are touring NZ next year, how good! Finally, we wanted to find someone who has had the CHEAPEST wedding. Has anyone done it under $300? Yes they have! Listen to find out how they did it, because there are some good tips in there on how to keep the cost down. Enjoy!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Jono and Ben, new to your mornings. Friends of Skinny, New Zealand's most recommended telco. Happy, happy, happy, oh, oh. Just when you thought you couldn't get enough of Jono and Ben, you can have them anywhere, anytime. Welcome to the Jono and Ben podcast. Welcome to the podcast. Here we go. It's a big one today. We were just talking about what was in the show

and we almost forgot we had Neil Finn. The New Zealand music legend. I mean, you'd put him up there with the Dave Dobbin. Who else would you put up? Akiri Takano. Oh, yeah. He's like songs. We talked about people that had covered his music.

And you've got Miley Cyrus, Ariana Grande doing a cover. Yeah. I mean, when you've got people like that covering your music, he said he thought they did a good job. Yeah. Yeah. I was kind of hoping it was like they had a shocker. It's actually really cool. I listened to the full version this morning. Yeah. Yeah. I was kind of hoping it was like they had a shocker. It's actually really cool. I listened to the full version

this morning. It's amazing. And he said like, Dave Chappelle, world famous comedian, huge Crowded House fan. Yeah, I know. Crazy story.

Anyway, it's probably better if he tells you these stories and not me. We can just recount our interview with, yeah, should we just do that?

Should we just talk through all the stuff that happened on the podcast, on the show? Instead of replaying it. Then we also found out New Zealand's cheapest wedding. Oh, yeah, that was fun. One for $100.

A lady had her whole wedding day for under $100, she boasted. And then Millennial Max. So we sent him out and about to try and buy something within 60 seconds on our company credit card and get it to the counter, and things didn't go well. Well, we hope you enjoyed the podcast. Yeah, great. Of us retelling stories from the show.

Just like a chocolate milkshake, only white and disappointing. It's Jono and Ben on my head. I don't know what this is about, but apparently there was an incident with an ice cream. Yeah, there was. And you were highly embarrassed. Now, the last incident we had with an ice cream was when you got me to take photos for your annual calendar,

your saucy calendar that he likes to get out there. He's got a very appropriately placed cone somewhere. And that was a wild mess. Sticky mess, wasn't it? We didn't get over that. I had a very interesting experience last night. So I had to return something to a shop in the mall. So I went down the road and I took my youngest daughter.

Indy came along with me. She's eight years old. And so we went down to the mall together and, you know, we're in there and we walked past like an ice cream place. And I was like, oh, hey, well, it's just, you know, it's good daddy-daughter time. I'll buy you a little treat. What would you like?

And she was like, I'll get a chocolate ice cream. And she got in one of those little, you know, little pottles, little tubs. Oh, the tubs, which is always the best option because it's a race against time when you've got an ice cream in a cone. Yeah. Isn't it? I mean, it's just quite safe. Yeah, it's you against the elements.

Yeah, I was like, great. And then we walked into the shop where I was going to return the item and I went up to the counter and I was kind of not really thinking it through that Indy was still eating her ice cream in the store but then it is in a pottle so I'm like, it's probably fine.

She was next to me at the counter just across and I could see that she had a big, those little tiny spoons and a big, it was a big thing. The ratio was off. I was like, oh, this is going to go wrong. And then suddenly like on the ground, the chocolate ice cream went everywhere.

And as a parent, you're sort of looking down, you're like, oh, what do I do in this situation? I've got, you know, like- Two seconds, two seconds before the germs start to attack it. And have I got tissues? How do I pick this up? The lady hadn't noticed at the counter. So I'm like, oh, I haven't got tissues. I haven't got anything. I was like pick this up? The lady hadn't noticed at the counter. So I'm like,

I haven't got tissues, I haven't got anything. So I'll just suck it up with my mouth. And I just scooped it up in my hand. I just went, I'll scoop it up in my hand and I'll hold on to this. So I'm holding on to it under the counter. This ice cream, this chocolate ice cream, I'm holding on to my hand. I'm thinking, it's all good. We're pretty much, I was getting the item exchanged. It was all good. And then the lady's like, oh, can you just fill out this form

to me for the exchange details? I was all good. And then the lady's like, oh, can you just fill out this form to me for the exchange details? I was like, uh-oh. Under the counter, I've got dripping, melting chocolate ice cream running through my fingers. And I'm thinking, this is my writing hand. Well, you can smear it. You can smear on the, fill out the form with your finger.

But I'm going to pull this up and it's got to look like something else. It's, you know, because it's brown. I'm like, this is not good. And how do you explain this one? I was trying to cover up the ice cream scene. You just need to start eating it. It's ice cream.

I panicked in the situation and I got the pen and I started writing with my left hand. And I don't know if you've ever tried writing with the hand that you don't normally write with, but she was just looking at me like, this guy, what is he?

Has he had a stroke or what? I was writing my name. And your other arm's under the table. Under the table with this dripping mess of ice cream just going, probably still on the floor as we go. Oh, regardless, even after you left, she's going to be like, what's he done on the floor? What are we saving it and just exploding it?

Just go listen. Yeah. My daughter's daughter, I picked this up. Like... And midway through, I had to stop and I had to come clean. I was about to say. Bit of a confession to God, look. And she was like, oh, well, you wouldn't just explain.

We've got like paper towels behind the thing. I'm like, yeah, I should have just gone with that. I thought I'd just get away with it, but I didn't. And so, yeah, that's how I looked like I'd basically done something. I had an accident, literally had an accident in the store. It's a great cover story anyway. Hey, you've got toothpaste on the side of your mouth. It's Jono and Ben on my heads.

The A to Z of New Zealand. We are calling every town and city in New Zealand. We call one a day. We do it alphabetically, and it's going to take us over two and a half years to call every town and city in New Zealand. Really enjoy this. Actually, no jokes.

You've learned a lot about places and or where they are. Places you've never heard of before and you feel kind of ignorant when you're like I've never heard of that place. Well, Herbert is one of those for both of us, in fact. It's located in North Otago, 91 Ks from Dunedin, 22 Ks

from Wamuru and it lies on the edge of the Herbert Forest. Now Herbert has some houses, a quirky second-hand store, apparently, and a petrol station, and it's home to New Zealand's oldest stone bridge. Right. The oldest stone bridge. And there's a hunting block, too,

where you can find feral deer, feral sheep, feral pigs. So if you like feral animals. So there's only two shops in Herbert? There's only two shops in Herbert. Wow. Yeah, I always feel sorry when we call animals feral. The pigs like... I'm actually very well-mannered. And I look after myself.

But anyway, you can go and murder some feral animals if you like to, if you want to travel to Herbert. We're going to go through to hopefully the petrol station, which is on State Highway 1 and open now. Susage Mill, speaking. on State Highway 1 and open now. Sensation Millswagging. Oh, hello. It's Jono and Ben calling from the Hits radio station. How are you?

Oh, good, mate, good. Is this Herbert? Yep. The petrol station? Yeah. Literally the only shop in Herbert. No, this is a second-hand clothing shop here. Oh, OK.

So my bad. I'll hush my lips. We're calling every town and city in New Zealand. We do one a day alphabetically, and today it's Herbert's turn. Oh, okay. So my bad. I'll hush my lips. We're calling every town and city in New Zealand. We do one a day alphabetically and today it's Herbert's turn. Oh, good lord. Yep. What's going on in Herbert? Because I'm looking on the internet and looks like not much.

Fair comment. Fair comment? I don't want to besmirch Not much goes on here, mate. Yeah. How long have you lived in Herbert? 25 years. Oh my gosh. Yeah. How big is the town. How long have you lived in Herbert? 25 years. Oh, my gosh. Yeah. So how big is the town? Like, how many people live in the area?

Oh, there's probably a couple of hundred. Oh, yeah? Yeah, sort of farming, forestry. And a second... A bit of hunting. Oh, good. No pub. No pub?

No pub. So where do you go and socialise? Here. At the petrol station? Yeah. Friday night, yep. That turns into the nightclub The town nightclub Nightclub

Yeah No she's not too old For a nightclub Oh sorry You're going to Omru for that Omru's only 15-20 minutes Go to the big smoke Yeah yeah yeah

Yeah big O The big O The big O Yep Have you got the internet Yeah mate yeah yeah Hell yeah Do you use it

Yeah yeah yeah Yeah yeah Yeah. Do you use it? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, mostly for just trade me in porn. Well, I'm glad the internet, and that's all the internet's for, isn't it, really? Yeah, that's right. Yeah, pretty much, yeah. You're a great character.

And would you suggest everyone comes to visit Herbert? Not really. Oh, I'm sure. You sound awesome. We'd love to come have a beer with you. You sound great. Oh, you should do it on a Friday night, mate. Yeah, good.

Friday night, petrol station turns into the nightclub. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Should we do a tourism ad for Herbert while we're here? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, all right. I'll get some music. Here we go. Have you ever thought about a trip to Herbert?

Here's what some of the locals have to say. Don't come to Herbert. Oh, maybe that's the strategy. You know, you're like, oh, don't come. Everyone's like, we need to go. You know, we enjoy the status quo. Make sure you go and check out their wonderful... Arty Petroleum.

And as the locals say... Don't come here. Oh, you're awesome. Nice talking to you. Really nice. All right. Thanks, mate. Cheers, mate.

New Zealand's breakfast. Just don't eat them. They're chewy. It's Jono and Ben on the hits. A big announcement from Crowded House. Announced today they'll just tour, they'll be touring New Zealand in March 2020 to the Island Tour.

Ten dates right around New Zealand, which is very exciting and it's also very exciting we're joined by the legendary Neil Finn right now. Yeah, he's on Zoom in front of a curtain. Are you in Los Angeles at the moment, Neil? No, no, Piha. Oh, right, Piha. There's nowhere near Los Angeles.

No, but we were in Los Angeles until four weeks ago and we were in quarantine for two weeks and we've been out for two weeks. Well, I saw you during lockdown, you had your son's home and you were playing, there's some great songs online, one of the Crowded House songs I think you put up online. But what was it like in lockdown with the family?

Was it like, excuse the pun, a crowded house? Was it fine or was it good? Yeah, well, we were in Los Feliz for most of the year and we had already begun a crowded house record at the beginning of the year. We went to the studio in LA and, you know, Mitchell Froome, our old producer, Liam and Elroy, my two sons bringing with them all of their experience.

And it must be special for you as a father to watch and to be able to do this activity with your sons. how cool is that it is very cool yeah um and you know it may not have happened early i think now we do we have come to it everyone equally as excited about the prospect of what we can create fleetwood mac tour definitely gave me the the vibe for seeing i was seeing young people down the front singing these songs that they'd known for since they grew up. And I thought, you know, I've got one of those bands lurking there.

One of those experiences, you know, albeit at a much bigger international level. But still, we've got a great history and it's something to celebrate and it feels vital and fresh. Yeah. And we are very fortunate to have you guys going on tours in New Zealand. March next year, Crowded House to have you guys going on tour in New Zealand.

March next year, Crowded House to the Island Tour. Ten dates around New Zealand. I mean, Crowded House, such a popular band. I was watching a cover the other day, which you would have seen, Miley Cyrus, Ariana Grande singing Don't Dream It's Over. I mean, who's the person you've been most surprised as a fan of Crowded House in your work? There's been some quite strange, you know, that was a nice unexpected surprise

to see Miley and Ariana having a crack. I thought they sang it really well actually. You know, Dave Mustaine from Megadeth is a really big fan of Crowded House. He's come to all our shows in LA and he wanted to get on a plane and come and write some songs with me. He didn't really prep me. He just said, Neil, I'm getting on a plane. I've come

down. We'll write one like Dave does Neil getting on a plane. I've come down. We'll write one like Dave does Neil and we'll do another one. Neil does Dave. But I was in the studio doing another record at the time, so we couldn't do it. Now, had he already got on the plane at this point? No, but he said he had a ticket. You should have called me first.

Pretty optimistic, I would say. He's actually a nice fella. There's been some quite strange, yeah. Actually, Dave Chappelle apparently is a Crowded House fan. Oh, legendary comedian. That's awesome. I mean, I'm enormously flattered by that, but not necessarily would have expected that.

That's really cool. Now, something else really cool is you toured with the legendary Fleetwood Mac as well recently, and I understand you got off a speeding ticket or a ticket yeah I was rolling very slowly through a stop sign with no danger to the public so not a speeding ticket but yeah I did hear the siren and I didn't have my license on me at the time which was a dumb move but I was just driving the cop just kind of looked he didn't look very happy with me and he was preparing his ticket and he said what are you doing here and I said I'm I'm within a a band and you know i'm in zealand or i've got a new zealand license sorry it's in

my house just up the road i can get it for you anyway what band are you in i mean uh fleetwood mac he went oh just you just drive a little more carefully uh you know you're gonna just kind of wave the waves it away it was great the amount of times fleetwood mac has got you out of trouble with the law this this is amazing. You should be using this to your advantage. Well, once upon a time, it might have got me in trouble with the law. Have you seen the social video of Mick Fleetwood on a skateboard drinking cranberry juice to the Fleetwood Mac song circulating?

Well, I have, although I suspect he's not on a skateboard. Yeah, right. Yeah, I did wonder that. I suspect he's engineered some contraption that keeps him safe. I wouldn't like to see Mick on a skateboard. I was going to say, it's a risky move. Very tall and his bones would, yeah.

He's got some time to fill in there in Hawaii at the moment. He obviously enjoyed himself. Oh, that's very cool. Now, Crowded House songs played everywhere. Obviously, when you ring up you probably get yourself on hold, but where's the most unusual place you've heard one of your songs played? I used to, I always thought

the moment that I really feel like we had made it was when it was in the supermarket you know and that's not unusual, I've heard it in the supermarket dozens of times but the strange phenomenon about that is that I don't recognise it in the supermarket. Almost always if I'm there with Sharon, my wife I hear a song in the background

and something about it catches my eye and I go, oh, what's that song? It's really annoying. What's that song? She goes, that's you. That's happened a couple of times, I swear. Neil Finn, before we go, a lot of people want to claim a crowded house,

Australia, New Zealand, like Farlap, Russell Crowe. No one wants to claim John or I. New Zealand doesn't want us. But what do you say to that answer? Are you a New Zealand band or Australian band or are you both? Can you be both? Well, I think it is possible to be both.

It's sort of like having a surrogate family. We lived in Australia for quite a few years and they kind of embraced us as their own. And, you know, that's nice when that happens with another family, isn't it? You know, you turn up at another person's house and you're like one of the family. So it's like that for me in Australia.

But I'm always going to be a New Zealander. And now we've really changed the balance of the band by adding two other New Zealanders, Liam and Elroy. I don't think that's an argument that's going to stand up too well that we're Australian anymore. But I look forward to people having it. That's right. You still want to sell tickets in Australia too.

Let's not cut that market out just yet. Neil Findlay, thank you so much for your time. We really do having it. That's right. You still want to sell tickets in Australia too. Let's not cut that market out just yet. Neil Findlay, thank you so much for your time. We really do appreciate it and we can't wait to see Crowded House on tour March next year. We're very lucky in New Zealand

not only to have you but also have Crowded House performing and be able to get out and see concerts. So hopefully everyone goes out and supports you. Well, we can't wait either. We are absolutely rearing to go.

Morning! It's Jono and Ben on the Heads. Jono and Ben's company credit card. Jono replied to a company email that I don't know why we were on saying if anyone needed an updated card or anyone needed a company credit card to reply, you replied.

And then three weeks later in the post, we got sent the company card. It's got our name on it, Jono and Ben. We don't know how long, how much is on it, how long we'll have it for, but we're just going to basically max out the card. It's got our name on it, Jono and Ben. We don't know how long, how much is on it, how long we'll have it for, but we're just going to basically max out the card. We thought we

would just keep spending it until either upper management or the serious fraud office get in touch with us and tell us to cease spending. But it's all about spending local, buying local, getting New Zealand back on its feet after COVID. And that's what we're going to tell management, Ben, if any investigation is launched.

Yes, that's right. Yesterday we sent out Max, Millennial Max, who works with us on the show, to literally max out the credit card. We sent him to a store. We were getting people to ring up and say what they wanted him to buy over the phone. Bought a lady a lovely duvet set, didn't we? And sheets. And we also got Max.

He doesn't like being out and about so we tried to get him to sing along with the song that was playing the Backstreet Boys. A little bit nervous. I mean, I've got to somehow run around the store doing like a bit of a checkout dash. Why are you whispering like a... Yeah. There's no one here and the Backstreet Boys is playing

in the background. Okay, Max, you need to sing the Backstreet Boys at the top of your voice in K-Mart. Of me. There's no one here. He's the only out and about person on radio who detests being out and or about. Yeah, I had a whole name

for his concert, the Backstreet Boys. Didn't do anything. No, didn't do it. But I like his excuse was, there's no one here. So if anything, sing louder. Yeah, who cares?

But anyway, today after eight o'clock, we're going to send him to a store, a department store and you ring up, you tell us what you want and we'll see if Max can find it

and buy it within 60 seconds. That's right. So 0800 the hits or 4487 if you'd like to, you'd like to win something. Yesterday, yesterday evening, Ben and me,

we went out and about with the credit card, did we? Trying to buy people's affection. Well, yeah, we thought we'd go to a supermarket last night and we went up and paid for someone's groceries, this guy, and then afterwards we were like, hey, can we use that on social media? And he was like, oh, no, maybe not. He was meant to be at work.

And how does anyone know if we were generous if it's not on social media? You're not really upset about that. I did. I was like, we've got to put it. We just paid for you. No, fair enough. So what we did is just pay for someone's shopping and we get no credit whatsoever.

He didn't even know we were from the hits. He thought we were Fletch and Vaughan. ZM. Hey, we get nothing from there. But it was no win. I got quite fired up for him. You did. I made him return the money.

No, you didn't. But then we found another lady just at, she was at the counter about to pay for her groceries and we swooped on in and then went, hey, this is on us. Do you want your hand? All right, all right. We'll give it a go.

You're going to run the gauntlet, okay. Okay. Well, maybe. Yeah, we don't know how much is on it. We don't know how deep it goes. And if it does decline, well, then this is a really overwhelming moment. And if it does decline, Ben will fix up the rest of it. Here we go know how deep it goes. And if it does decline, well then this is a really overwhelming moment. And if it does

decline, Ben will fix up the rest of it. Here we go. The card has been approved. Thank you. Change.

Change. Just sing along. Change. Change. Change. Any favourable comments about the hits or Jono and

Ben? That's what we wanted. So there we go. And she did let us put it on Instagram so they know we're nice people

Instagramers if it didn't happen on the internet it didn't happen it's quite awkward because we're kind of circling like we're stalking out people

and then we swoop in as they're just about to it felt a bit awkward we're trying to do something nice on the company car but it just felt a bit awkward only we could make

paying for someone's shopping awkward anyway if you'd like Max to buy you something after 8 o'clock, 4487 on the text, okay? Want more Jono and Ben? You can catch up with the boys anytime. Just search Jono and Ben on Facebook. Just Juliet, Victoria Beckham and David Beckham. They're planning a wedding, not theirs though.

Yes, no, their eldest son Brooklyn is getting married and they are considering spending over $700,000 New Zealand dollars on the venue alone, not including food or drink. It's this luxury farmhouse. Do they own it afterwards or is this a rental? You'd bloody hope they'd own it afterwards, eh? Yeah. Renting it for the day and the night, I think.

I know. Nearly a million dollars. And it happens to be right next to their actual house. You could almost buy a house in Auckland for that money. Almost. Not quite, though. Yeah. For a day. Outrageous.

Yeah. That is outrageous. I wonder if there's people out there who have had the cheapest weddings that you can have. Have you done a wedding at the opposite end, you know, where you've spent $10? $10 on a wedding. Can we get New Zealand's cheapest wedding? It feels like the wedding is a whole other category of price. A friend of ours got married a few years ago

and she just went around everywhere saying that she was going to a ball. She was a school ball, school ball. She says the dress is way cheaper for a bridesmaid. As soon as she went wedding, everyone's like, oh, wedding, come over here. Were the dress shop owners like, why is a 30-year-old woman going to a school ball with a teenage boy?

A few questions, huh? She ended up in prison. She incriminated herself quite a lot, but she got some cheap bridesmaid dresses, and that's the main thing. Once she was released, they had a wonderful wedding. So 800 of the hits. Who has had the cheapest, most affordable wedding?

You might have some great tips for people listening right now. Surely there's people listening right now that just eloped, just decided that morning and went, I'm going to go get married. What about going to a wedding of someone else and then having your wedding

at their wedding? Surprise. It's all paid for. You've got all your friends there. Why can't you do that? Because it's taking the shine and someone else is paying for that.

Why don't you let them have their little ceremony and then you're like, by the way, I just wanted to quickly do something right back to you guys. You might have wondered,

well, we were also here in a wedding dress and tuxedo. Because we're getting married as well. All right, the cheapest wedding. I'd love to hear from you this morning. We'll find a prize for every call that gets on the air. Let's go to the phones because we're wanting to know the cheapest wedding, the most affordable wedding that we can find in New Zealand.

They're spending $700,000 just on the venue for one day. Wild money. Let's go the opposite end. Christine, you're in Taupo. How much was yours? It was just under $400,000. That's great.

I know. We were like stoked at it. What did you, so where was it? What did you spend the $400,000 on? So I spent $400,000 on my wedding dress and the bridesmaid's dresses

and everything else we got for week and week. Where was the wedding? What venue? So we met in Auckland at a tertiary institute called Laidlaw College which had a really beautiful courtyard and entryway. And so we were real cheeky and asked if the college would let us have our wedding there for free. And they were like, yeah, sweet.

So we just decked it out. And then one of my bridesmaids was a florist. And she was like, hey, for your wedding present, I'll give you all the flowers. And we were like, sweet. And then a friend of ours was a photographer. And they were like, we'll give you as a wedding present the photos. And we were like, sweet. And then a friend of ours was a photographer, and they were like, we'll give you as a wedding present the photos, and we were like, awesome. And then we had a barbecue with everybody bring a plate.

Wow, that's good. That is an affordable wedding. It's almost like all of your friend group was specifically designed just for that one day. Yeah, don't tell them. I did that. I did a friend of ours. You know, Andy,

who we worked with many years on the TV show. He came to my wedding and then on the day, because he films stuff, I was like, hey, can you just run a camera, hold the camera? Oh, he's like, oh. Oh, I see. I see. I see where I'm at. I was like, no, I wanted you here.

But I also want high quality video recording of the event. Yeah. Yeah. And if you can edit it up afterwards. Yeah. I'll send you some notes so you can do a few more edits and then we'll get it out there. Let's go to Louise.

How are you, Louise? All right? You can beat $400, Louise. Yes, I can. We eloped in 1983 and raced down to Taupo to the registry office and got married there for the cost of the licence and then ran up the main street to Taupo just in time to catch a photographer for a couple of photos and then stayed at Manuel's motel in Taupo. It was awesome.

$175 wedding and the night as well. When you say you rushed to a photographer, were they on another gig? Well no, we just ran up the main street because we didn't realise. We thought, God, we need a couple of photos of this. And we found a photographer's studio and he was about to close. So he said, I'll take a couple of photos for you. Oh, that is awesome. Never going to beat $175. Sam, can you beat $175 for your wedding, Sam?

Hi. I think mine was even cheaper, but I mean, I bought my dress for, I think, $12 from AliExpress. $12? Wow. Ben also got his wedding suit, a full linen suit from AliExpress, and it was too big.

He looked like Boys to Men from 1997, didn't you? Yeah, they were linen pants. They turned up looking like pyjamas. I can't remember what website I brought it from but yeah, they weren't good. But I gave them to a clothing bin. So there's some trendy homeless person wandering around in a full linen suit right now. But you had a win on

AliExpress. Yeah, that was about the only online purchase that I did that actually came out okay and it looked really nice it was just a cocktail dress and I didn't have the high heels I don't wear heels I borrowed my heels and did my own hair and makeup and then we went to the registry office it was an Islamic wedding so I still technically have not filled out the paperwork in New Zealand for to register my marriage for New Zealand marriage so So it was an Islamic wedding.

And then we went to my friend's cafe in Takapuna and she shouted us dinner. It was just the immediate family. So I'm guessing it's $100 or maybe even less. $100 wedding. Well done. Well done, you. Good on you, Sam.

Thank you so much for listening. And quickly, we'll go to Ruth and Nelson, who's a wedding planner. The cheapest wedding you've done, you. Good on you, Sam. Thank you so much for listening. And quickly, we'll go to Ruth and Nelson, who's a wedding planner. The cheapest wedding you've done, Ruth? Probably under $300. Gee, that's putting the pumps on you, isn't it? Yeah. Yeah, it is. And there was about 100 guests there as well.

Gee whiz. This was catered or? Well, they ended up shopping all their clothes. And so, I mean, it was probably, I think she said maybe 50 bucks, but this is literally all the outfits. And they did a bring-and-share barbecue at her parents' backyard. Oh, lovely. And I just helped to do a serialized and things like that.

And it was amazing. Now, tell me, Ruth. You don't need to spend thousands. I mean, I won't say that to you because you're a wedding planner. You do. You do. You need to spend tens of thousands with Ruth. She's the Jennifer Lopez of Nelson.

No way. No way. I've done extras. I've done the 30,000 plus wedding at Monaco Resort and stuff like that. What are we getting overcharged on on the weddings? Spill the beans. Is there anything we can save on one little tip? Okay, cakes, flowers.

You mentioned weddings. They bump the, okay. Cakes, flowers. You mentioned weddings. They bump the prices up ridiculously. Oh, flowers. And no one ever eats the cake. Go to a wholesaler for your flowers. Oh, okay. That's a nice little tip if anyone's getting married. We really appreciate it.

Hold the line. We'll send you out something, okay? Thanks. We'll send you out a wedding cake. Still got one left over from 1982. Those things just don't disappear. That was interesting. Thank you for your calls, guys.

More painful than your alarm clock. It's Jono and Ben on the hits. We've got one of these. Jono and Ben's company credit card. It really seems like

a clerical era, but we've got a company credit card and I don't think we're going to have it for a long time, but we're going to have it for a good time. So far, the card don't think we're going to have it for a long time, but we're going to have it for a good time.

Yeah, so far the card hasn't declined, and we have been accepted by New Zealand. Last night we paid for a lady shopping at Countdown. Paid for two people shopping at Countdown, didn't we? And one of them wouldn't let us put it on social media, and we're like, well, how does anyone know that we've been generous? It was nice to do a good thing.

It doesn't matter. It doesn't have to go on social media. It's a better thing if it's on social media, Ben. You know this. Soulless social media. Need would have been generous. It was nice to do a good thing. It doesn't matter. It doesn't have to go on social media. It's a better thing if it's on social media, Ben. You know this. Soulless social media. Need to get on there. But yeah, this whole journey has been a win-win except for the poor loser who has to pay for it at the end. Which will probably be us, to be honest.

And thanks to the power of witchcraft and black magic, I think we have Millennial Max out and about. Max, come on in. Hello. Good morning. In the warehouse. You're in the warehouse. Paint the scene. What can you see?

What are the hordes of people? Look, absolutely no one. Once again, it is very early in the morning, so no one's in the store. They're opening in the store very early. I don't know anyone who's needed to go to Kmart or the warehouse at 8 o'clock in the morning. This is the only one in the entire country

that is open from 7. The only people who turn up to department stores this time of morning are out and about radio hosts. Intrepid reporters. Intrepid reporters. So we want to play a wee game with you right now, Millennial Max. We want to get someone on the phone. I know 800 the hits. You've got our company card, which hopefully will still work.

We'll find out what the item is they want to buy. And you've got, how long should we give them? Do you want to? 60 seconds to find the item and purchase it, okay? This is speed shopping. And purchase it. And purchase it, Max. This is speed shopping.

We'll go to Sandy first. Explain your story, Sandy. What do you want? Hey, guys. The girls at Starship Hospital radiology department would love a new coffee machine. Oh jeez, here we go a coffee machine. Yeah. Has our time started? Well you can do a nice play here

ask some questions as you make your way towards the coffee machine place. Okay, what do you think, what kind of coffee machine? Oh look, we don't care, we're pretty easy to please as long as we get caffeine so just whatever you can grab. Clock starts now, 60 seconds on the clock. Max running through the warehouse.

I'm hitting tile 29. 29 to find a coffee machine. 29 seems like we'd be quite away from the checkout. Sandy, any words of inspiration you have for Millennial Max? Come on. Here we go. Nescafe.

I'm looking online. They've got some there. Would you like a Nescafe one, Sandy? Yeah, Nescafe coffee machine. I'm looking online. They've got some there. Would you like a Nescafe one, Sandy? Yeah, Nescafe sounds good. To the counter, Max. To the counter. Come on, Max. Come on, Max. And I've also got some pods.

Oh, good. Pods as well. Our sweet, yet charmingly hesitant, out-and-about person, Millennial Max, running to the counter. Oh, no, guys. Tragedy. I've just dropped it. What, the machine?

Yes. All over the floor. Oh, Max. Well, we're it. What, the machine? Yes. All over the floor. Well, we're going to have to pay for it anyway. Sandy, well done. You've won a broken coffee machine. Yeah, Sandy. There we go. The kids of Starship will love that coffee.

No, it's all for the kids, mate. Yeah, we'll sort it out. We'll send you out a coffee machine. Hopefully, that'll go through. And hopefully, it won't be the one that Max has dropped on the floor. I think we have to buy two coffee machines now. Yeah, I think so. Thank you so much for listening.

You have a great day. Oh, thank you guys. Not a morning person? Sadly, neither of these two. It's Jono and Ben on the hits. Now, we've been talking a lot about dogs lately, hosting a dog show on TVNZ2, Dog Almighty. Damn, I don't actually own dogs,

but I just get sent relentless packets of dog food. Now we're the dog guys, aren't we? Flea collars, flea shampoo, been using it all and loving it. But my dog, Bo, I've got a big, white, fluffy Samoyed. He's on the end of the promos on TVNZ2. Not good enough for the show, Dog Almighty, but he's good for the promos. Yeah, he's a good looker.

I mean, it all looks no substance with Bo. Yeah, that's the thing. He's just like, oh, here we go. No follow-through. But it's just like, oh, here we go. No follow through. But it's just a weekly Bo up. I feel like Bo provides a lot of your radio content that you bring to the table. Yeah, and I do it to myself because I have. We've talked about many things that, you know, he's done to embarrass me over the years.

It's just, you know, because that's what he is. And we love him, but he does some stuff, you know, whether it's eating a whole platter, when your back's turned when people's over, where it's taking undies from the neighbour's clothesline. Those are the sort of things he's done. But the problem is he's got like, he carries an excess amount of fur. Yeah. And he doesn't factor it in when he's travelling around.

No. When he's making his way around. He doesn't realise, you know, he's got a metre wide circumference of white polar bear like fur. So there's two things at the moment he's done over the last couple of days that have really caused a little bit of embarrassment to me. But I took him to the garden centre because there's a garden centre up the road you can take dogs to.

And I was like, oh, this will be fine. You can take a dog to the garden centre. And obviously you're stocking up on your fertilisers for the referendum. Oh, here we go. You need to get ahead of the queue, don't you? Here we go. Get your supplies ready. My hydroponics are ready to go.

Just as soon as that's... Tomato season, is that what you mean? Yeah, as soon as that's voted in, he's ready. And the dog, I took him there, and the lady came over from the garden centre towards the dog, and I was like, oh, is it all right to have the dog here? She was like, yeah, it's all good, it's fine, because you're patting him.

And then the dog, I guess there's pots and plants around, he just cocked his leg in front of the lady from the garden centre and peed all over the pot and the thing. And I was like, I've got to buy this pot now. I didn't have to, so it was fine. But you don't want to walk out of there and go. Usually you're the one selling the pot. Now we had to buy it.

We had to buy the pot. It's not the sort of pot that, no, I'm not going to go there. And then yesterday we had a guy come over delivering a courier package. And Bo gets quite excited when people come over, the dog. And he went and got his toy. over delivering a courier package and Bo gets quite excited when people come over the dog and he got his toy and he sort of, you know, he nudges the toy with his mouth, you know, to play he's like, play with me, play with me

but he's sort of nudging it into the courier guy's crotch area. Well he's the heights isn't he? Yeah, he's like right there you can see the courier guy sort of, as he's trying to hand over a package he's getting slowly bunted in the nether regions by my dog. They've got no moral compass dogs, do they? No.

Every time I'm over there, he's got his nose deep in the caves. In my caves. You know, and you never feel comfortable with a dog down there. Because it makes you look like you've got some odour. That just reminded me. I took my dog to the beach on the weekend, and I was sitting down on the beach, and I was just on my phone. Big mistake being on my phone, because a dog comes up reminded me, I took my dog to the beach on the weekend and I was sitting down on the beach and I was just on my phone. Big mistake being on my phone because a dog comes up to me and he literally lifts his leg and pees on my leg.

And the owner just comes up shocked. Oh my God, I'm so sorry. And I was just like... I mean, that's 80% of owning a dog, isn't it? Is apologising for the dog's actions. Sorry, dog's got a nose in your crotch. Sorry, dog just peed all over your pot plants. I feel like I work for an A-list celebrity

that I have to just go around and clean up messes, pay people off all over again. It's like you're managing Bieber in his wild early 20s years. Yeah, you're like, oh, he's peed. I think he did pee in something. He did, he peed into a bucket. There you go. There you go.

You've got the animal version of Bieber. He probably put his nose, no, I'm not going to go there with nose and crotches and all that sort of stuff. Like starting your day without your morning coffee. It's Jono and Ben on my heads. Halloween this weekend is happening on a Saturday for the first time in many years. Kids go crazy. My son Oscar, since he was two, this is like his favourite time of year.

He likes Halloween more than Christmas. Oh, yeah. Kids love it. It's a long run up, too, for Halloween every year. And I just started reading online because a lot of people were like, is Halloween going to happen this year? You know, with the trick or treating and obviously COVID in the world. The Deputy Director of Public Health in New Zealand, Dr. Harriet Carr, she said that she's basically given it the all clear that kids can go under the conditions that, you know, trick or treaters urge to wash their hands,

keep a record of where they go. People who are isolating or can't participate need to put up a sign to say, don't come to this house, which makes sense. And if people aren't comfortable coming to your property, they should also put a sign up as well. Man, put up a QR code, scan into every house. I know, we want to keep the tracing app up to date. And I tell you what, if you want the scariest costume,

dress up in PPE gear. Nothing scarier than a pandemic, mate. Oh, jeez, you're right. That's probably quite true at the moment. But you know when you go to look sharp and you wander around and look sharp and you're like, who's buying this crap? Well, me. Everyone.

Me. It's my whole house. It's covered in cobwebs and spiders and this witch. This witch which just goes off all night. I don't know what sort of sensor sets this witch off. So she sits on the back of our front door and all night you hear this. Well, well, well,

I've bitten her. She starts off sounding quite saucy. Well, well, well, look what we've got here. But she's got three different versions. But once one kicks off, you hear all three in the middle of the night. That's quite scary, though.

Double, double, toil and trouble. Witches, I mean, witches, when you think about it, they really have to commit to that character, don't they? There's no time where a witch can come home and go, jeez, you know what, hell of a day out there, scaring people and, you know. No, that's you. You're 24-7.

24-7, you're a witch. Do you get paid for being a witch? I don't know. Is there an income? But we wanted to know with Halloween coming up today, we wanted to know

your costume fails. It's happened to me with Halloween. I was talking about this the other day that I was racing from our last job where we did the

afternoon radio show to meet up with my family and my wife and my kids and other families who were trick-or-treating. This was a couple of years ago. I rang my wife and she was like, everyone's in costume, the adults, the kids. Get changed, come down, we miss you. I'm like, oh great, I'll get there.

Race time, got into a costume, turned up. No other adult was dressed up, just me. Just you. It was a prank. And you should have known that when she said, we all miss you. Yeah, I know. Get on down here, everyone misses you. Oh, do they? They want me in a costume.

I'll be there in 10 minutes. Costume, I love costumes. Fortunately, I do love costumes. Oh, wait, it's okay, your costume fails. Another friend of ours, she was invited to a Barbie and she thought it was a dress-up party. Oh, yeah, that's right. And she turned up dressed as Barbie to a barbecue.

Yeah, it was just a barbecue, but she went like legally blonde Reese Witherspoon, you know, like the high heels, the pink dress, the sash, the blonde hair. Yeah, yeah. And then someone turned up in a meat dress and that was actually more appropriate. It's just a barbecue.

So have you had a costume fail? It doesn't have to be to do with Halloween. Just any time you've been turning up in a costume, it's been kind of wrong. Malfunctions, misdressings, we'll take them all. And we'll go to Sarah in Christchurch. What was your costume fail? This was actually

last year. I went as a smurf. Obviously, you've got to get quite blue and I didn't really read it and I actually used house paint. On your body? Yeah, and it didn't come off it and I actually used house paint. On your body? Yeah, and it didn't come off for like probably about six days. Oh, and what homeowner is painting their house

with this regime colour smurf? There's a blue house paint? It's a kid's room. Oh, of course. Well, there you go. How long did that take to come off? Literally like over a week I was still finding stuff. And I had to go to work.

A little tinge. In the, gee, what's commitment to the Smurfs. So Papa Smurf would have been proud. Well done. Smurfette was the only female in that group. Yeah. She was, actually. Yeah.

They could have, the ratio was way off. Yeah. And there was a lot of them. So there was only one way they were being made. Oh, no, that's not. Okay, yeah, you're moving on. And there was a lot of them. So there was only one way they were being made. Oh, no, that's not, okay, you're moving on. Now we've got the musical legend. Don't move, no, no, no, don't move on.

Let's get to the bottom of this smurf. I've got nine minutes of your contact lens story. I've got to move on. How can we get more time to talk about the smurfs if you hadn't banged on about contact lenses for nine minutes? Fair call. I'll take that on the chip. Start your day the wrong way.

It's Jono and Ben on my head. Hey, last night, you said at the end of the show, Ben, I mentioned I had to go home and feed a lizard. I've got to go home and feed the lizard. Today we caught a lizard over the weekend. It was roaming around the house and my kids are deprived of a pet. So this poor lizard is trapped in a glad container with glad wrap over the top with holes.

So I went home and fed the lizard. It means the lizard's living a great life. Flies. I spray raid on flies and feed it to the lizard, and he's loving it. Right. Which in hindsight might... Yeah, I know. I might give him the raid.

Yeah, like I think you'd release him. Release him back out. You want me to release the lizard? Lizard's becoming part of the family. May have started a savings account for the lizard. Anyway, we found him on the weekend. He's a cute little, he's about sort of, I'd say, six inches long, black. I didn't even know he had.

He was quite big. Yeah, he was just crawling along the carpet. I don't know where he came from. So anyway, like I said, my kids, they just, they want a dog. And so, I mean, Poppy, my daughter, she's resorted to kidnapping innocent lizards naming Leslie named, but it's you, I blame you

because you come over, you're like bloody Dr Doolittle, you come over to my house parading your cats and your dogs and your birds he's always coming over with his animals and the kids are like Ben's got an old bear and he's got his animals. So I put them on a waiting list for, you know, in blind dogs.

They train up blind dogs. And they don't quite meet the level they need to to navigate the blind community around. They actually can adopt those dogs out. Oh, that's lovely. So we're on a waiting list for one of those. A thousand people. There's a thousand people on the waiting list.

Yeah, it's great. It's great. And you're like, do they call you up and go, we found one? And you're like, oh, just knock us back. Knock us back to 920 again, would you, mate? Just for a little bit. Yeah, that's fine. But the problem is, I think, and text 4487 if this is an actual thing,

leading up to the purchase of a dog. And I've been holding out for a number of years now just with battery-operated pets for Poppy. It's always like, we'll do all the administration. We'll pick up the things. We'll take the dog for a walk. We'll wash it. Wild promises.

Yeah. And it ends up being full on your shoulders, full on my shoulders. Exactly. You're the one out there at 11 o'clock at night walking the dog. You were moaning about it. Yeah. No, they don't. But I was like, okay night walking the dog. You were moaning about it. Yeah.

No, they don't. But I was like, oh, I guess not. Never enter into a business arrangement with a child. It's like getting into bed with Eric Watson or something. It's always getting into tears.

You're always going to have to end up doing things. So 4487, would you say still hold off on the dog? Or is it a game changer? Because you said it's like adding another kid

into the mix. It is. I mean, you get a lot of joy. I mean, we love having the dog in the family. How's the joy to the pain in the ass ratio? That's what I want to know. It's not publicly talk about. No, no, we do love our dog. We love him very much. He's a big part of the family. But he's a pain in the ass. Yeah, it's like, yeah, I mean, you're kids, you know, you have to put more work in around the household, you know, because this is what happens. And you

do it and you love it. Okay, we'll snap poll now. With a bunch of large strangers that I've never met I'll go home and do I purchase a dog or not? 4-4-8. What more Jono and Ben? You can catch up with the boys anytime. Just search Jono and Ben on Instagram. Spy the What's Up by

Docco.nz. She's the millennial with holes in her t-shirt and we're the grumpy boomers who put holes in the ozone layer. Here's producer Juliet with Spy. Thanks so much. Now, recently Jennifer Aniston posted on her Instagram account a photo of her going out to vote and that's what a lot of celebrities are doing at the moment,

posting photos of them voting, kind of encouraging others to vote. We weren't allowed to do that. We're here in New Zealand. I'm not saying I was a celebrity who wanted to take a photo of myself voting, but I know the social media influencers weren't allowed to. I think you're allowed to say you voted. I don't know if you're allowed to influence people. There's something on election.

There's an election window you can't do something on. So on the Saturday of voting day, you couldn't take a photo of yourself? I just voted for a bus. The Labour Party. That's who you did vote for, was it? I'm just saying I just picked a random party. Put your tinfoil hat on. But Jennifer Aniston commented on the last sentence,

she said, by the way, it's not funny to vote for Kanye West for president, like, just don't do it, pretty much. And Kanye, of course, snapped back on Twitter and all the social media platforms that he's on, basically saying, well, Friends isn't funny either. That's a great burn back. It's the most childish burn, though, don't you think? It's like, oh, you're not funny either.

You know? Yeah, so is your mum. Would it have been a good one to come back? Your mum's not funny. Yeah, true. So Kanye, he's making a run this time in a few states. He didn't fill out the paperwork in time, I think, for some of the big states.

But he's sort of got his eyes on 2024, from what I understand. I think so. He reckons he's got it in the bag for 2024, which, you know, I'm not too sure about that. It'll be interesting. I actually watched a little bit of Kim Kardashian on the David Letterman interview that she does with him on Netflix. And she talks about how she's helped a lot of prisoners, you know,

with their sentencing and stuff. She's really smart. She's got some switched on ideas and doing talks about how she's helped a lot of prisoners with their sentencing and stuff. She's really smart. She's got some switched on ideas and doing some great things. I mean, maybe the two of them together. She's a qualified lawyer,

isn't she? Yeah, she's doing that at the moment, yeah. Well, she's been to the White House a few times and had meetings with Trump

about releasing prisoners. And got action, got it sorted. So yeah, it's pretty cool. Kim Kanye 2024. Maybe, who knows?

They've got my vote because they're hot. Oh jeez. I want a hot president. So Donald Trump's not ticking the boxes? He's doing pretty well for me. I've got more of a sweet towards Biden. His young, charming looks.

Even though Biden's older than Trump. That's that young, stallion Biden. And that is five for more. You can go to thehits.co.nz. Wake up full of shame. Wake up with these guys. It's Jon You can go to the hits.co.nz. Wake up full of shame. Wake up with these guys. It's Jono and Ben on the hits. Scrolling through your feed.

When his wonderful mother, Jenny Boyce, gave birth to him all those years ago, she never would have known that she'd brought into the world a man who would read out stories off the internet. That's pretty much what I'm doing right now. Now, of course, we talked yesterday about Melbourne going out of lockdown for the first time in months since like June. And one of the most popular places to go was Kmart.

So midnight last night, they were freed, weren't they? Yeah, and people were queuing up from about 6 o'clock yesterday to get to Kmart. I don't know how they quite got out of there to get there. And soon as doors opened, so Kmart opened at midnight and people basically went all into Kmart now there's so many people went to Kmart now Kmart has got a booking system online in Melbourne because they don't obviously want too many people in store for social distancing so now you have to pre-book if you want to go and shop in Kmart now whatever we do do not tell these people about online shopping okay no one we keep this from them

it'll destroy the illusion. It's funny that, yeah, but I guess it's just one of those things. It's consumerism, isn't it? Yeah, and you kind of just miss it. It's kind of reality. You're like, you know, wandering around a shop. It's something you haven't done in a while. It's probably something that people go,

oh, I actually missed that, you know? Spending money. Yeah. Yeah. Being able to do that, you feel a bit normal for a moment. Wandering around Kmart and going in to get one thing, but ending up with 22 things you don't need. Yeah, exactly. You miss that stuff. You do do that. You feel a bit normal for a moment. Wandering around Kmart and going in to get one thing but ending up with 22 things you don't need. You miss that stuff.

You do miss that. And Graham Norton, you know, of course, the international TV show, he does a great job, Graham Norton, interviews celebs on the couch. He's very good at it, isn't he? You said something's finishing from the show and I thought, was it the blatant disregard for broadcasting rules about drinking on television?

Always just drinking. Yeah. Giant cups of wine, giant glasses of whiskey. It's a good tactic, though. Drinking away. You get celebrities on there and you get some, you know. Get some three deep. Yeah, have a few drinks and then just open up and talk.

Forget about the cameras. It does a great job. But they're ditching the sofa. Not the drinking. The drinking's still going. You can still drink as far as I know. But the red sofa that they all sit on together because of social going. You can still drink as far as I know. But the red sofa that they all sit on

together because of social distancing and stuff, they're going to have chairs now, which is not quite the same as sort of hanging out on the couch, is it? It was interesting. I caught his

lockdown version of the programme and I found it a little awkward because he's very good at his job. He's probably the best in the world

at interviewing celebrities. But even Graham Norton in that environment when he's having to do Zoom interviews, you know, it makes us shitty broadcasters feel better about ourselves. Yeah. It wasn't quite flowing.

And without an audience too, really, laughing along as well makes it a lot more difficult. We were lucky enough to go to the Graham Norton show once. Tom Cruise was on when we were there. I was an amazing guest. So we were in the same room as Tom Cruise. He almost converted me to Scientology. That's how close it was.

Coldplay, they played as well. Coldplay, they had Emily Blunt, they had Seth MacFarlane from Family Guy. When you see people of that stature, you're like, there's a glow about them, isn't there? There's like a glow about really, really... Tom Cruise, you're like, you could... Even if you had just exploded from another universe

onto this planet and you saw Tom Cruise, you'd be like, something's different about him. He's a movie star or something. So we were lucky enough to go on the red chair the segment where you're backstage and you get to tell your story

and if the celebs don't like it they savagely just pull a lever and you get flipped back off the chair. And everyone laughs at you mocks you out of the building. I nervously waited in a line to go on international TV. I had to go onto the website and submit me.

So what we did, we submitted our stories through the grahamnorton.com website. There was no guarantees we were going to get on the TV show. Now, you were in front of me, and we decided to wear some, we had the matching blazers, because, of course, we turn up matching, and we looked like schoolboys, didn't we, in our Jono and Ben blazers? Yeah.

And Jono was first on the red chair, and here's what he had to say. And Seth MacFarlane from Family Guy had his hand on the lever, ready to pull Jono back at any moment. Before we go, just time for a story or two in the red chair. Hi there, Graham. How are you, mate? Hey, nice prep store uniform. It turns out Graham's advice about the jackets had been bang on.

So that was you. That was me. And they tell you, the producers tell you, when you get flipped back, you have to kick your legs up in the air to give a perception of velocity. Because you go back onto a nice, soft sort of... Yeah, like it's actually a very cushioned... It's a cushioned landing.

But you kick your legs up to make it look ferocious. So that's all you've got to say. You didn't get your story. You just got nice prep school uniform from Seth McFarlane. Yeah, McFarlane ruined my dreams. And so then I sat in next wearing exactly the same prep school uniform as you were wearing. Here's what happened. What's your name?

My name's Ben. I'm from New Zealand. Okay. Okay. Oh, they're loving you, Dad. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We heard about Seth MacFarlane's movie of the sheep, so we came here to see it. He's so onside now.

Okay, let him talk. Okay, yeah. Okay, Dad, start your story. Okay, so a couple of years ago, my granddad had an eye infection and asked me to put eye drops in his eye. So I grabbed them from the top of the fridge, put about six or seven drops in, looked down, realised they weren't eye drops,

it was super glue. I took about six of those for him to surgically separate his eyelids. Yeah, he sleeps now with one eye open. So there you go, I got to hear the best story. But then he still said that father still flipped me anyway. Did you still get flipped off? Yeah. I was like, I wanted to walk out of there with my...

Head held high. He just landed a killer gag. Had the audience in the palm of his hand. While I was rolling around on the floor. In pain. In disgrace. And that was our journey to Graham Norton. We met him.

He was lovely. He was great. And the crew was amazing. They were just really nice to us. They were like, can you get you anything? Why are you caring about us? You've got Tom Cruise

in another room and Coldplay and they're worrying about us. He's quite short. He's shorter than you'd think he'd be. Graham Norton. Yeah, I found him. Yeah, but he's a lovely man.

That doesn't make him not a lovely guy. All right. Now I'm in a hole. Get me out of this, Ben. Lou in calories and Lou in laughs. It's Jono and Ben on my hips. Now, we've been talking a lot about reality TV lately.

We're lucky enough to host a dog show, a reality TV dog show on TVNZ2 called Dog Almighty, looking for New Zealand's most talented dog. So we wanted to know this week, have you ever been on a reality TV show? Yeah, we had a few great calls yesterday from people that we didn't expect to come out of the woodwork. Prue, who you might know as the vivacious redhead property inspector

from the television reality show Renters, phoned through yesterday. What's the grossest thing you've seen, Prue? Maggots in a slow cooker. Oh. Maggots in fridges. Oh. An arm in a fridge. An arm?

He had had his arm removed and he used to keep it in the fridge. Oh, in the fridge? He used to open it for, you know, to scare us all out. Nothing rattles, Prue.

She's seen everything in life you could see that would shock you. She's seen it. Yeah, once you've seen an arm in a fridge, I think, you know, there's not you could see that would shock you. She's seen it. Once you've seen an arm in a fridge, I think there's not too many things that would shock you. Then she said a man answered the door with nothing on. That's right. And she's like, you wouldn't put a doily over it, darling.

We also had Lily, who you know from The Bachelor and also The Bachelorette. She phoned through and we talked to her about how she had to go into hiding with basically the person she chose on The Bachelorette, Rich, because the relationship couldn't be public until after the TV show came out. Honestly, even while the show was filming, we couldn't be seen anywhere. I remember me and Rich were walking from his car into his house, which is literally about six metres, and somebody drove past and Dom Harvey messaged me going, hey, my sister just saw you with your winner walking to the house,

and very tempted to spoil it on radio. Yeah, so that's a way. That Dom Harvey. He's out there always spoiling stuff. I tell you what, he's either running a marathon or running a muck. That's what I've always said about Dom Harvey. And Alicia phoned through, and she and her husband,

her and her husband had been on a TV show called The World's Worst Drivers, and I think they actually won. You had to kind of compete against them, do these obstacles and things like that. Throw mud at your windscreen and things like that. So my husband, he's just kind of been a ruthless driver, and then got his car crushed at the end of it.

And so was he named New Zealand's worst driver? He was. Oh, what an achievement. What a prestigious... Oh, you should have gone on that show. But you would be New Zealand's most apprehensive driver. Yeah, that's right. Quite anxious.

Anything could happen at any moment. It's quite nervy. Please don't get me to park in front of a crowded cafe. Oh, no. Scrape the wheels along the footpath. No more pressure than that. Anyway, so we want to know right now, under the hits or 4487 on the text,

have you ever been on a reality TV show? Yeah. Apparently, we've got someone who might have been on a big American reality TV show. Is that right? Yes. I think her name is Michelle. Oh, Michelle, how are you this morning?

Hi. Good morning to you. Out and about for a walk this morning? Yes, pretty much, yep. Oh, good on you, getting out and about. And it sounds like you've been on a pretty amazing reality TV show. I have, yeah. What was it?

You want to know the name? It would be ideal. It would be ideal. Okay, okay. I was on the Ricky Lake show. The chat show? Yeah. This was a massive show.

Yep, back in then. I was over in the States at that time. It was sort of the Ellen of the 90s, wasn't it? Yes, you're right. We got it over here in New Zealand. It was syndicated all around the world. How did you end up on that show? We got tickets.

We ended up in New York City and we ended up having tickets. It was really good. The only thing I remember about Rikki Lake was everyone was like, go Rikki, go Rikki, go Rikki. And she'd come down the stairs and she'd have her hands in the air

and everyone would be like, yay, go Rikki. Oh, yes. And so you were on television with Rikki Lake? Yep, we were. The girl that I went with, both of us went on it, and one of the girls got an actual list of items to do

while she was going overseas. And one of them was going on the KTV show. So, of course, we're with her, and, you know, everything comes up on the screen, and we're right there. Oh, that's a great claim to fame. Did they make you psychotically dance like they do on Ellen? Everyone looks like they're jacked up on party pills in the Ellen audience, don't they?

No, they kind of just stood up and kind of danced and did a little clap to that, but yeah, that was about it, really. Nothing too major, major. Did you get to meet Rikki? No, but she was really like, I could reach across and touch her. But that's about it.

It was one of the girls that I was with. They were the ones that talked to her and that, but yeah. So you could have touched Rikki Lake, but you decided to get, well, that was smart. That was smart. Well, there we go.

We'll let you go, Michelle. We'll let you get back on with your walk and you have a great day. You too. Thank you so much. Good on you, Michelle, who nearly touched Rikki Lake, ladies and gentlemen.

Now we've got, you might remember the show First Dates New Zealand? Yes. Where they'd get strangers and film their first date. I mean, we've got, you might remember the show First Dates New Zealand? Yes. Where they'd get strangers and film their first date. I mean, they did a great job of naming the show. And apparently we've got Keelan from First Dates New Zealand. Keelan from First Dates, that's what I've been known as in New Zealand

over the last couple of years. So you remind me of First Dates, I'm sure I watched that. What was the concept again? I guess you're going on a first date? Yeah, there we go. It's all in the name there, Johnny. You're a wise man. So basically, you meet up with producers, you tell them about yourself, and they

hook you up with strangers who they think you're going to be seeing. You meet up on a first date, it's recorded, and you get plastered, or at least I did. So are you eating real food? You actually order a restaurant? Yeah, it is.

So they have like a makeshift restaurant in Sky City's 21 Bar. So they turned it into a restaurant for the evening and sort of like set it up and designed it to go, you know, be as a real restaurant. But yeah, everything from the moment you walk in, from when you walk in on the date, it's a real restaurant experience. So proper waiters, proper bar staff. So are there people in the background having a meal basically for free? Well, so you would have noticed there are actually three other real live dates that they recorded for the show going on in the back room behind you, as well as three placed couples. That's interesting.

And it says here you drank a lot of wine. I very much know that, yeah. I have an inkling for a glass of Savvy or 12, and, yeah, I sort of made a moment of showing New Zealand my magic trick. What was your magic trick? My magic trick was the ability to make wine disappear in seconds. What a great trick. I nicked a full glass of wine.

It was my date class as well. And so did you, the person you were dating, did you guys go on any further dates? No, we didn't. We didn't. They're slim-picking gay men in Auckland, it would seem. I enjoy anyone's company. And it was an enjoyable experience, but no, there was no romance.

Would you go on another show like this again, like a dating-type show, or are you like one and done now? Yeah, no but no, there was no romance. Would you go on another show like this again, like a dating-type show, or are you like one and done now? Yeah, no, no, I think so. I like the attention. So, you know, I would definitely not say no to it. Well, I mean, the good thing is if you forgot any of it, at least it was relived on television.

It actually was. Yeah, no, they were very kind. Luckily, the producer was like a friend of a friend, so they were very, very Luckily, the producer was like a friend of a friend. So they were very, very forgiving with what they showed me and put on the screen there to my family's delight. Yeah, they were relatively forgiving in that sense. When you go on reality TV, is there a part of you like, oh, man, I don't want to go out there and embarrass my family?

No, my family were like, oh, God, this is right up your alley. No, no, that was 100%. I mean, I've always been a bit of a limelight whore. And so it was, you know, it definitely was in my realm. Oh, that's lovely talking to you, buddy. You look after yourself. And thank you very much for sparing time, Keelan.

Will do. No worries. Thanks, Jono. Cheers, bud. Like starting your day with Panda Eyes. It's Jono and Ben on the hits. We've got a company card We've got Millennial Max waiting for us at the warehouse

So hopefully buy someone an item within 60 seconds Come on in Millennial Max Yes, been sitting here for the last hour Okay, no need to have a dig mate We tried to get to you as quick as we could And here we are Some people would dream of sitting in the warehouse for an hour I don't know who those people are.

No, mate, there's always so much in store. Anyway, they haven't paid for this, so I don't know why I'm launching into an editorial. Tell you what, it's where everyone gets a bargain. That's right. Apart from Max, who hates every minute of sitting in the warehouse. But you are. Very Christmassy. Andrea, this is on 0800 The Hits.

How's Auckland this morning, Andrea? Oh, not too bad today. Not warm. Oh, good. You want Max to frantically panic and run around the warehouse trying to find items for you in 60 seconds? Please. Okay, what are you after?

I want that memory board game and I want a bubble machine, please. Two items. The bubble machine. Bubble machine. Memory board game would be in the same area. You'll imagine kids' toys. Toys and games. A memory board game.

What do you mean by memory board game? What's... Well, sorry, it's not actually... It's the card game. So the kids put all the cards... Gotcha. toys and games a memory board game what do you mean by memory board game what's well sorry it's not actually it's the card game so the kids put all the cards gotcha

I used to love playing that with my senile grandmother I'd play it on a glass table and I'd slide under the table and look at all the cards and she wouldn't know anyway

no we didn't need to delve into that your cheating of memory my conning of my grandmother great memories though either way unfortunately she was so old she couldn't remember anything.

Oh, jeez. Anyway, Max, your timer starts now. 60 seconds to grab the items, a memory board game and a bubble machine and pay for them. We've got a minute. How's it going? Badly. Bubble machine.

Bubble machine. It's a bubble birthday cake, but that'll do. Okay. Do you need a bubble birthday cake? Well, it sounds like I might be getting one. Yeah. Max, this isn't just whatever item you see and grab Andrea has to take.

Oh, and I'm going to get a jumbo bubble wand as well. I can have that as well. Well, none of these things are aggressive. Overdose of bubbles. Oh my gosh. Memory board game. Just like if they're cards you can just put. Yeah.

It might be a little box or it might be like, you know, a card. Same size as like a Uno. Have you got it? Great. Yep, got one. Okay, one to the counter. Come on, Max. Ten seconds, Max. Yeah, you can do it, Max. Come on, Max. The clock is ticking. Pressure is on.

Andrea, Christmas. Oh! Where are you, Max. Come on, Max. The clock is ticking. Pressure is on. Andrea, Christmas is... Oh! Where are you, Max? I'm at the checkout. Too late. The buzz has gone. You can't say too late. The transaction had to go through.

Why? Why? Andrea. Andrea. Andrea. Andrea. Andrea. Andrea.

Andrea. Andrea. Andrea. Andrea. Andrea. Andrea. Andrea. We did.

We did. We said the rules. Oh, come on. I'm sorry, mate. It's Christmas, mate, in two months' time. I'm with Richard, guys. I'm with Richard. He's scanning the items.

Oh, no, it's too late. It's too late. Jono, we're breaking the rules. No, we're not breaking the rules. Re'm with Richard, guys. I'm with Richard. He's scanning the items. Oh, no, it's too late. It's too late. Jono, we're breaking the rules. No, we're not breaking the rules. Rescan the back. Put Richard on the phone. Check me over to Richard. No, don't put him on.

No, I don't want to talk to Richard. Oh, well, Andrea, there you go. Oh, thank you. We should have just gone, can Max grab an item and pay for you? With no jeopardy, because you're going to get it anyway. That's what we do.

It's family-friendly radio. It is that. You got Jono in bed. Hope you have a great Thursday. We'll be back here tomorrow. Same time, same place. We'll see you then for Friday. Want more Jono and Ben?

You can wake up with the boys' weekdays from sex on The Hits and via the iHeartRadio app. Jono and Ben on The Hits Breakfast. Friends of Skinny. Happy, happy, happy, oh, oh.