Jono, Ben & Megan - The Podcast - Old School Tinder

Episode Date: June 9, 2024

Welcome to the untamed realm of the world's Wild Wild Web!  Today we throw it back to very awkward video dating in the 1980s! How times have changed...    See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Today on the Wild Wild Web, have we found the most awkward dating video in history? fearless guides leading you through the wildest parts of the wild wild web this is the wild wild web wild wild wild web uh welcome wild wild ben wild wild megan uh not very wild though are we on a monday not on a monday no i said wild enough on my friday you were wild on yeah yeah toned it down last week we had a big night on thursday we had a bigger night than we did you Not on a Monday, no. I said wild enough on a Friday. You were wild on Thursday. Yeah. Toned it down over the weekend. Last week we had a big night on Thursday. We had a bigger night than we did, you know, and an early start the next day. It's, yeah.

Yeah. Tough to back up. It is ugly. It is ugly. Oh, no one said ugly. What do you mean? Oh, no, one's saying no. You're calling me ugly.

I'm just saying the whole. Sorry, what now? It was ugly. It was ugly. No, it was ugly. Let's be honest. Ben's like, I was looking at it. It was ugly. No. You have a good time. It was ugly. It was ugly. No, it was ugly. Let's be honest. Ben's like, I was looking at it. It was ugly.

No. You have a good time. It was fine. Stop calling me it as well. It was ugly. It was ugly. Now, and then you said you had a tough night, Megan, on minimal, minimal sleep. And my daughter decided to wake up in the the night for two hours she literally wouldn't let

me leave so i'm sitting there holding her hand as she's drifting off it was torture she was like punishing me it was my first night away from her so she's like this is for abandoning me this is the life that you know the parents you know like grace producer grace who went out with you same time she had a six hour nap on friday during the day six hours that's not a nap that's my that's more than what i get a night exactly i was like oh maybe i'll try and get a sleep today because i'm real tired and we're going out that night and didn't happen because stuff's going on and she just went six hours some stage you guys were like oh did you manage to get a sleep on friday i'm like no i was i ended up we went out and came home and then my daughter was

babysitting i'm like i have to go down the road to walk down and pick her up to bring her back and i was just so fighting just to stay awake you know just like oh hurry up the parents come home with this thing eventually did came back and then could i go to sleep no but i would have gone to sleep in an instant on the couch but then i'm still up at like two in the morning going why can't i sleep now yeah yeah my husband was very supportive but we have a rule. Like if you do self-inflicted injuries like that, you're not allowed to complain.

So I was just like no sleep and I was suffering Friday night trying to get the kids to sleep and I was like, oh, I just want to complain. I was like, oh, I'm a bit tired. And you didn't though. You sucked it up. No. Like the trooper you were and then you were

meant to host an event on saturday night and no one could turn up for that as a blessing yeah because i was like oh terrible timing i completely forgot everyone messaged saturday being like oh our kids are sick sorry we can't make it i was like oh that's okay um don't worry i was talking to a friend on the weekend he's i've been invited to this party and the whole time i was just thinking Ways to try and get out Of going to the party He's like I can't believe

I've reached this stage He's like young me Would really hate me Yeah But you spend so much time Thinking about getting out of it But then you go And you have a really good time

That's what I said to him Yeah Once you're there you're fine Yeah Yeah you're absolutely right It's just probably the admin Of getting ready Going

But then once you're there You're like this is great Yeah why didn't I do this earlier Exactly So we're right, it's just probably the admin of getting ready, going, but then once you're there, you're like, this is great. Yeah, why didn't I do this earlier? Exactly. So we're just doing a bit of dating, old school dating. Now this is before Tinder, before you could swipe, before you could show your bloody ghoulies on. When do you show your ghoulies nowadays? Snapchat.

OnlyFans. I guess you do that. OnlyFans. Yeah. OnlyFans. And this was, I guess people had to Register with a dating agency And then obviously Had to film

On camera A profile about themselves So then other people Would pay to be a part Of the dating agency Oh my god Confronting Yeah

Having to film a profile In a studio Yeah Have a listen to some Of these bloody hot dogs Hi my name's Mike And if you're sitting there watching this tape smoking your cigarette, well, hit the fast-forward button, because I don't smoke, and I don't like people who do smoke. Hi, I'm Maurice. I'm an executive by day and a wild man by night.

Early to rise makes a woman healthy, wealthy, and wise. That's why you're wiser than me. It's Stephen. Hi, my name is Phil. Most of my friends call me Big Phil. I'm not afraid to get sand on my tuxedo if you're not afraid to let the wind mess your hair up a little bit

when I take the top down. Oh, these poor people. And the pressures. And that poor guy's like, they're so early to rise, and he hadn't thought of the follow-through. Oh, no. I feel like they're those, you know, when you watch the program

like The Bachelor or something like that, they all sort of turn up, you know, or The Bachelorette and they all have their little meeting and I feel like the poor producers stitch up and they're like, do something different, do your thing. And they all come up, you know, they do something a bit different and everyone's like, oh, God, why don't they do the magic trick or whatever it was, you know? Love Island, they do it too.

They're like, g'day, I like girls and tits. But it's all probably the producers just going, you do this, you know, because they want something interesting and the person's probably going, oh, really? I just want to kind of meet them,

say hi, I'm a relatively normal person. I can pop my eyeballs out of the sockets. And then they're like, why did this person do this on our first meeting? It's like, yeah.

I can fart on cue. Yeah, like, oh, okay. Oh, yeah, those awkward intro games they play on The Bachelor. They do. And I just always feel like, that's the producer making them do that. They didn't decide that. They just probably want to come up and say, hi Megan, I'm Ben. Nice to meet you.

I hope we get to know each other for the competition. And the ones that are the most awkward are the ones that really don't have anything and they're probably the most normal. They're like, Ben, do your Austin Powers impersonation. And you're like, are you sure? Are you sure? Yeah, she'll love it.

And then they'll get the little comment from the bachelorette going, he was talking Austin Powers. I mean, that movie has been around for a while. Do I make you horny? Not at the moment, no. My ovaries just left. My vagina closed over. We'll take a quick break from this dating dialogue and be back shortly.

Welcome back. So if you're dating again, okay. Oh, God. What is the one thing where you're like, I just can't? One trait about a person? One? Yeah. Do you have a list?

Well, just like smelly breath, chewing with your mouth open, like how they treat waiters, you know. Oh, well, do you factor in all this, do you have a list? Well, just like smelly breath, chewing with your mouth open, like how they treat waiters, you know. Oh, well, do you factor in all this, do you? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So my open mouth halitosis, not doing favours with you. No, you click at waiters really greatly.

Oh, I don't like people who click at waiters. So that's a big, so on a first date, those are the things you'll, those are the flags you're looking out for. Yeah. And you know, like when, maybe because I worked in hospitality, but when people drop off like your coffee or your meal, like people who don't acknowledge the waiter or say thank you. I'm like, oh, that's a real yuck, Trey. Yeah, gotcha. Yeah.

Because I mean, you did obviously work, had a cafe for a while. So you probably picked up on that. So a lot of cafe traits coming into play. Chewing with your mouth open. You probably would know that from, that would be a good place to go on a first date. So you know that pretty quickly, how they're chewing, what's their breath like,

and then what are they doing to the wait staff. Yeah. Because a lot of stuff you don't find out, you find out over time. Personality traits. So having those flags from the get-go is probably quite handy on the dating game. Because that's a real yuck thing is that breaks down like if they think they're better than

the person serving them. You know? Like, it's a real arrogant, gross trait. What's one thing for you if you were... On a first date. First date. Something that would give you the ick straight away. I'm just going to look at...

Yeah, I'm looking at biggest icks right now. Che mouth open as well being too clingy clingy yeah playing with food um dirty fingernails people saying yeah living in a mess breathing heavy um oversharing on social media i don't yeah i'm never super over something i'd probably like people that weigh in on comments all the time that would probably be something for me probably like. People that weigh in on comments all the time. That would probably be something for me. Because it's probably easy now to social, not stalk someone, but to go, oh, this person, what are they? Or like a huge commenter. Not in a bad, but people that bad comment on stuff.

People that get in there and like, oh, I probably don't need that sort of drama in my life. Well, that's a huge advantage of social is you can actually look at people before you go and pursue them, right? See what are they saying online? Yeah, if they were like a stuff commenter back in the day. They really – and it's probably come from a lot of trauma from me almost of getting bagged by a lot of people over the years, you know? But probably you're like, oh, does this person really need to write that? So it's probably one of those things.

Oh, as a member of the ACT Party, saying some spicy stuff in the comments section. Yeah. How would you find that if they were an ACT Party member? Oh. You love Seymour. You know I love David Seymour. You and David Seymour have your little, you know. Would you go on a date with Seymour?

No. If we organised a date, just a fun radio. No, because you had like some actual. No, we had serious beef on social media. You did. You did. But we could maybe patch things up. Yeah.

Yeah. That's me being like, yeah, I'll do it for radio, but oh God, I don't want to. What else would I? Yeah, what's yours? What would be a big flag? I'm interested to know what guys' flags are. Honestly. Because if someone's keen, are you like't do you have red flags no i don't it's just

trying to think there's no like i'm sure there would be but i can't think if she came out she was like a blazing racist or something in a kkk hood i'd be like not for me yeah you know that would be a big flurry for me but i don't think I would go in intentionally going, these things I need to look out for. I guess that's kind of nice. That's nice of you. I'm going in full judgment. But then also you can find yourself six months down the track, can't you?

You're someone that you're like, uh-oh, I'm in too deep now. Yeah. Yeah. Your one's good, though, the way they treat the staff at a restaurant or, you know. Because anyone can put on a good display personality-wise for a half-hour date. Yeah. To you, but they forget about the people around you, which is also, yeah. Very smart.

That's really smart. Yeah. Weirdest place you've been on a date? You've done any weird dates? I haven't actually been on many dates. Because like my long-term relationships, I kind of were out of like hookups. Right, yeah. And nothing weird like I haven't gone to like a haunted house

or anything like that, you know? Yeah. What's the best date location? You always say the movies, don't you? Well, the movies are not bad, but you don't get the chance to know too many people. You don't chat, which could be good or or bad depending on what it is you know yeah you know um you don't really talk through the thing so maybe maybe a drink is probably better

or a coffee or something yeah but i was thinking that not talking is a good thing yeah well it can be a good thing okay you could get the end of a go off the movie was great and bring so much to this person for three hours my friend was like he's always like i go on dates to teppanyaki oh yeah because they're cooking in front of you oh that's right you know and there's something to this person for three hours. My friend was like, he's always like, I go on dates to Teppanyaki. Oh yeah. Because they're cooking in front of you. Oh, that's probably quite fun. And there's something to look at. Oh, look at him, buddy,

flipping the bloody... And how playful are they? Like, you know, whether they want to catch the egg in their mouth. Which always puts a lot of pressure on you, don't you?

Table load of people wanting you to... Yeah. I never nail it. Never nail that first go. No. And then the poor chef's like, okay, let's have another go, mate.

You know? Teppanyaki's are fun. You don't do that enough. Yeah. It's a fun way to eat food. All right, show teppanyaki. Let's do it. Have you tried the yum yum sauce at teppanyaki?

No, yeah. You know you can get that at the supermarket, right? Actual yum yum sauce, can you? Yeah. Wow. That is... Yeah. Yeah, and they put that on prawns.

Next time I go to like Gilmore's, the wholesale shop, I'm going to get you like three kgs of yum yum sauce. You can buy the Daikoku yum yum sauce or is it just a brand of yum yum sauce? No, I think it's just, I don't know. But it's all like, it's all yum yum sauce. It's all the same.

Delicious. When's your birthday? I know what to get you now. November 13th. Douse me in yum yum sauce. And I'm going to get Ben some chewing gum and hand sanitizer yeah yeah

that was some good breath there you go I was trying to yeah just for you Megan breath's a big one though it is isn't it

because you're like wow jeez you're going to have to kiss that mouth yeah you're going to be up close with them a lot of the time and it is a paranoia thing too

because you don't always know you've got bad breath. No. Like, you know, like people can eat something you don't know you're doing. So then you're like, oh, you know, and it's not like people are like, oh, your breath's taking up.

Yeah. It's a confident person to call someone out on it. That's why, like, I always brush my teeth every time I leave the house. So sometimes it could be like three or four times a day, but it's just like, that's. Okay. So if it's not like halitosis or hygiene related,

if it's just like a garlic breath, is that putting you off? So I've just eaten some garlic bread. Wait, you said garlic bread. That'd be right. Oh, yeah. Yeah, that's fine. But if I've come to... If you know where it's come from, like if they've got that breath

from what you've just eaten, that's fine. I turned up smelling a little bit like garlic. Oh, that's weird. Oh, really? That's weird. But I've just come from a garlic lunch. That's weird. Before your date day.

Shared garlic is okay. Yeah. But your wife had a garlic lunch before Megan's date. Yeah. Who was that with? I was on another date. Date one and I'm clingy AF. Yeah, we had some garlic bread.

And what do you want to know about them on the first date? Personal info. What's your banter? Well, I imagine these days, again, social media, like dating apps would help you find out a bit more. I mean, they can lie about it, I guess. I always like to ask about their mum because you want someone that's got a good relationship with their mum

but their mum's not going to control your life. Right. You know, there's a happy medium. So tell me about your mum. Is that what you do? Yeah. Yeah. Well, what's your family? Is that what you do? Yeah Yeah Well what's your like family Like how many siblings you got

Your parents And what's the time So you've met someone For the first time In real life Yeah Duration Have you got a clock running

Have you got a friend Who will call you And get you out of the date If it's not going well Yeah Have you? Yeah I'm always that person For my friend

Have you made that call before? I always text them like Are you okay? Are you okay? Alright Yeah yeah person for my friend i'm always texting them like are you okay are you okay all right yeah yeah and if you need to call and you're like ah it doesn't matter what you say they're like okay yeah i'll come gotcha so you can get them out of that situation that's fair enough it's you know yeah have you made that call before just once but i always text i'm like how's it going how's it going are you okay are you dead like tell me she always tells me where she's going you do need to it's time that she's saying that you do in some ways but you don't need to yeah yeah you know are you dead seems like an interesting question yeah

because if they are yeah I text her literally the other week I was like are you dead it was like 10 p.m and then I went to sleep so I was clearly concerned she didn't message me back till 3 a.m like when i got up in the morning i was like oh well i'm glad to know you're alive she was alive you weren't that stressed about it no i was like contact the police or go looking or anything you're like i'll just go to sleep yeah hi uh well that's been the wild wild web today uh covered off some dating and you go and have a wonderful day we'll be back this time tomorrow