Jono, Ben & Megan - The Podcast - Olympic sex ban

Episode Date: May 14, 2024

Welcome to the untamed realm of the world's Wild Wild Web!  On this edition we discuss the Olympic Anti-sex beds! See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Are you leading there, Megan? Megan, on this episode of the Wild Wild Web. What the athletes won't be doing at the Paris Olympics. Welcome to the untamed realm of the world's wide web. A swirling vortex of weirdness, bullying, and self-obsessed social media posts. In this digital jungle, Jono and Vienna, your fearless guides. Leading you through the wildest parts of the wild, wild web. This is the wild, wild web.

Kia ora, welcome along to the wild, wild web. It's lovely to have you here. Ben Boyce across from me and Megan Pappas to the left. To the left, to the left. I'm just wondering if people are sitting there going, I wonder what locations they sit in I'm sure everyone's worried about that, right? The Olympics are coming up later this year

Paris, and always a lot of pre-talk about the sex drive of the athletes at the games, you know bowls of Connie's floating around the village Well that's what you hear, right? But then you hear about the beds, the bed situation where they don't want you to be doing anything So yeah, we heard like a couple of weeks ago

there's going to be 300,000 condoms, Paris Olympics merch condoms. Shaped like the Eiffel Tower. And the Olympic rings if you put five of them together. Is that right? Yeah. So it seemed like it was back on the cards, but now they've said that the anti-sex beds are coming back.

So this is a single bed and it has like a cardboard frame. So if more than one person goes on it, it will fold. So this will stop you having sex with yourself. But Producer Grace had a great point when we were talking about this earlier on the more terrestrial radio, good old-fashioned radio, with the fact that you've got powerlifters and people like that. 150 kgs. Yeah.

Yeah, big people. Big people. They're just going to crush the cardboard beds regardless. Well you think they have to be able to withstand you know, those people, those athletes, right? Yeah. So then how does two, anyway. I wonder as a fun

social experiment we could get our hands on one of these cardboard beds. Do they have them in New Zealand? Yeah, good question. And see how many people we could actually fit on. Before it collapses. Before it collapses, yeah. That could be a fun social experiment. But also, these are athletes who are there for a couple of weeks or whatever. Don't they need supportive beds?

You're making them sleep on cardboard. I've heard your sleepy head ads playing all over the radio, mate. I've heard your voice all over. Don't try and work your propaganda into this. Couldn't they do the supportive post-traumatic sleepy head mattress? One of them's like an archery, like, oh, I've got a shoulder pinch. You're right, though. You want to be on something that's not going to, you know. Yeah, you don't want to feel like you're sleeping in a hostel.

That's what those rooms look like. They're bare with this horrible single bed. And do all athletes have to stay there? Like, is there an option to stay in a hotel? I don't know. I was watching something the other day with one of the U.S. basketball teams where they had all the amazing players, and they were, at that particular time, they were staying in a hotel, mainly, I think, because they were to cause too much chaos,

you know, because it was all like Michael Jordan and all the dream teams. The superstars, yeah. But also, like, they get paid the big bucks. They're like, why am I staying here? I understand that. Yeah, like the Yugoslavian basketball team, you can have free reign in the village. We're staying in a five-star. But I don't know if that's like the Yugoslavian basketball team You can have free reign in the village We're staying in a five star But I don't know if that's still the case today

I know it was back then But you think maybe people would Didn't they put them on a giant Like luxury boat Oh there might have been sometime They might have done that too In China or something Yeah I guess

Yes I think there might have been another Off the shore Another Olympics where that happens China's trying to butter them up again There was always the rumours of free McDonald's as well. I don't know if McDonald's is a sponsor anymore

but there was free McDonald's for the athletes. Yeah, that's right. We were talking to someone about it the other day actually. I don't understand the sex ban. Like they're adults and you can do what you want?

Sure. I think you said it, right? Surely it's down to the individual team. Like if Cycling New Zealand is like, no, whatever reasons, then that's there. like, no, you know, whatever, whatever reasons, then that's there.

For a mental or physical reason or whatever, that's down to the team's coaches to enforce. Like why does the village care? Yeah. And then another athlete was like, who cares about the anti-sex beds because they're having, and I didn't want to say this on the radio, although it was in my news bulletin.

Oh, yeah, it was really. They're having orgies and hot tubs. So they're like, the beds don't matter. Hot tub, what is it? Sounds like a wild place, the Olympics, eh? It does. I mean, you've got some very pent-up athletes who have been living a pretty stringent life for three years.

Very flexible people, you know, fit looking. Fit, healthy, good looking people. Yeah. I mean, there should be... Energy to burn. They should be having a lot of sex, shouldn't they? Yeah. They should be making, like, super athletes shouldn't they? Yeah. They should be making like super athletes.

It's always the theory, you know, like we should be breeding more of these people, like more sex for them. We'll take a quick break from this. We'll be back shortly. We should have the, you know, we get the metal telly, the sex telly. Like how much sex per capita New Zealand's had. And in France, I would have thought they'd be like, yes, you'll get it though. Yeah, they're very free, aren't they?

Yeah. It seems weird to me that they're like, you can't have sex. But here's 300,000 Paris-themed condoms. Yeah, I'm with you. I don't understand why. Because if they're still doing the training, it's not like they're out drinking and partying and stuff. And then the event's finished for some of them

and they get to stay in the village, so why not? But anyway, we're not in charge of that. The logistics, I'm sure, are incredible over there. I just typed in fun Olympic rumours and I've just got onto a thread of what would be a hilarious Olympic sport. Chasing ping pong balls around the floor as they're rolling around,

but all you can wear is oven mitts. That'd be a fun sport. That sounds like a drinking game. That seems like a fun sport. That sounds like a drinking game. That seems like a fun sport. Well, there's always that debate about what sport would be better to be drunk. You know, like what sports are going to be more entertaining. Is trampolining an Olympic sport?

Yeah, well, it has been. Typically in Commonwealth Games. I think Maddie Davidson, there's a Kiwi trampolinist. Not that you'd want to do that drunk. No, but people do, though. You get on the tramp. Another great one here. We've thought of this too, the flat pack challenge.

Both teams, they're lined up. They have no idea what they have to assemble, but they're both given the same flat pack in a race against time. That's not bad. It's stressful doing those when you're not in a hurry, but having it under time pressure and being in a race. Strap cases of

paper to your feet and race. So like reams of printer paper and you've got to slide. Oh my god, can we do these as like John O'Bannon Olympics? We should do them close to the time. A paper race out there by reception. Yeah, that's great.

Chasing a plastic bag in a windy parking lot. You know when you lose a receipt in the parking lot and you're like, come here, you little bastard, come here. That'd be good. You can almost make that quite like rhythmic gymnastics so you have to incorporate some lovely moves and so on. We can get a leaf blower. That is fun.

A leaf blower and a bag. You're in control of the leaf blower and Jono has to grab the bag. These are great. Also the inconspicuous underwear adjustments. You have to adjust your underpants without anyone noticing. Those are great. I'm going to copy those. Just quickly before we

head away today, we mentioned yesterday songs that were offered to other people, to other artists who could have been singing these songs and we were like, imagine if TLC was singing Hit Me Baby One More Time, not Britney. That could have happened, right? Could have happened and Bye Bye Bye, not in sync, but

Five? That was made for Five, the boy band in Britain. Or Britney singing Umbrella. That would have been weird. So we were promised we'd look at some actors that almost got roles in some iconic movies. I'll just rattle through some of them. Is it the same sort of thing you couldn't imagine anyone else playing these roles? Yes, sometimes. Other times you think, okay, I'll give you, this is from BuzzFeed.

Amy Schumer was almost Barbie in the Barbie movie. Oh, was she? That's when the Barbie, yeah, it was a bit different. And then Margot Robbie took over. They were going to lean more into the, there was funny bits into it though. Margot Robbie did a fantastic job. Amazing, amazing. Amy Schumer would have done a fantastic job.

George Clooney was almost Noah, Ryan Gosling's character in The Notebook. Oh, no. Apparently. Yeah, he was in talks to say... But you think of Clooney now, but... He'd been too old. But when was The Notebook out?

It was a long time ago. It would have been young Clooney. I know that Clooney's older than Gosling now. He would have been too old. Britney Spears was almost the other character. Ellie in The Notebook. Oh, that would have been a bit weird. Clooney in Britney.

Yeah, okay, all right. Claire Danes was almost Rose in Titanic. I can see that. Vince Vaughn, Joey in Friends. Oh, I can see that too. I can definitely see that. It would have been good, yeah. And what did he say?

Why he turned it down? He was one of the countless actors to audition for the role. Just not got it. Yeah, didn't get it. He's gone quiet, old Vince Vaughn, isn't he? Yeah. Hank Azaria was also maybe that. Blake Lively was almost Karen in Mean Girls.

Yeah, she would have done a good job of that. Oh, yeah, it would have been great. Al Pacino was almost Han Solo in Star Wars. Wow. Yeah, yeah. Harrison Ford obviously got that role. You couldn't imagine anyone else apart from Harrison doing that.

Oh, here's an interesting one. John Travolta as Forrest Gump in Forrest Gump. No. Okay, I'm just saying, you know. That was Tom. Tom pulled that off. He was initially offered the role

but declined it in favour of another project. I just can't imagine John Travolta running for that length of time. I hope he declined it in favour of Face Off. Oh, the Face Off. Oh, the face, yeah.

That was high concept stuff, eh? He swapped faces with Nicolas Cage. I really liked that movie. Yeah, well then he made a good decision then. Eminem was almost in Mad Max Fury Road, the part that went to, I think, who's that guy there? Tom.

Yeah. Tom, no, that's got a first go. Tom Hardy. Tom Hardy. They don't have the name of it there. They just had a picture of it. They're going to say Tom Hardy Tom Hardy they don't have the name of it they just had a

picture apparently him and Charlize Theron did not get on Tom Hardy it was just a nightmare

on set always when you hear that you're like okay who's the dick if I was to meet

them both who's the dick yeah or maybe they both had difficult times

through that whole process so thereal dicks. Dicking each other. So there's some actors that were almost cast in iconic roles. Jeez, it's funny the tension's on set, isn't it? Yeah. Because who was the one recently that Ben doesn't want to talk about? Oh, yeah, he was saying about The Rock and Ron Reynolds.

But I think there's sort of the differences, mate, mate. Who knows? He shares, he shares. So The Rock turned up late and Ryan Reynolds was like mate you can't do this this is like you

wandering into Destiny Church and bad bailing Jesus I know don't you say this in front of Ben he wasn't tardy he was like hours late and apparently

he's quite notorious for this and so Ryan Reynolds was like hey but apparently it wasn't like he's not lazy it wasn't angry

Ryan apparently approached him quite calmly and was like, hey, not cool. Oh, so it was just a bro, we're all waiting around. So you wouldn't say it was a... But he is notorious for being late. God, I hate that. Sorry, I was just helping out these orphans and these sick kids at the hospital. They're not working with The Rock and he's just constantly like hours late while the whole set waits for him.

But Ben would make excuses for why you'll be fine. You'll be just doing your bit of charity. I'd give anything to work with The Rock and to be hours late while the whole set waits for him but ben would make excuses for why you'll be fine you'll be used to your business you'll be working out you know so it looks good it's fine it's all good guys having met the man once true gentleman just can't tell at the time yeah you're right because we had that interview you know you've done you've been lucky enough like us to do a couple of these interviews from time to time they're very very strict on the timing yeah like five minutes and we'd flown all the way over to america and we were like we had this thing where the rock we had videos from new zealand of people like dan carter and his old principal from grayland grayland high school uh grayland primary school and stuff to play

to him and we were conscious we had to keep these things moving yeah and he could kind of tell we're trying to move it he was like hang on a second how long you got we told him he's like double their time so it was awesome for us it was amazing but then probably it was late for the crew it was probably late for a Ryan Reynolds meeting

or something yeah bloody Dwayne Johnson running 45 he gave us some more interview time it never happens does anyone ever

double time so that's all it took to win Ben over for life Ben is blinded like his mother-in-law was blinded by Lance Armstrong. She refused to believe that Lance Armstrong was doping. For so many years.

I think now she's come to terms with it. She's like, we don't know. We don't know we weren't there. And you're like, well, they've done the test. He's got to come up and said it. He's like, yes, I did. I doped. She's like, well, we weren't there, Lance. We weren't there. But that's fiercely loyal.

You've got to appreciate their loyalty. What's scary is her family, like Amanda's mum, and she does run a lot of marathons and stuff like that. One of her sons is big on cycling, triathlons, Ironman and stuff. So they read all these books and they're really like, they're quite inspiring. I actually read one of the books. It's quite inspiring, his story of battling through from cancer

and all that stuff. So I guess you want to believe I think someone can be inspiring and still mess up and make a bad choice. This incredible story that a guy's come back from this to be one of the greatest athletes ever. She can still be inspired by him. But then it kind of

loses its punch. It's like Ben's love for Will Smith was his other hero. He's coming back guys. He's coming back, guys. He's coming back. Bad Boys. Bad Boys is out next month. I'll be there, mate.

Bad Boys of the life. But they do say good people make mistakes. Yeah. So, hey, maybe Lance Armstrong was like, man, if Lance Armstrong was like, cycling must be the biggest pain in the ass anyway. He's like, if there's any way to make this easier and me to guarantee seven Tour de France wins or whatever he had, jab it in my butt, you things. Hey, well, that's been the Wild, Wild Web.