Jono, Ben & Megan - The Podcast - Open house gone wrong!

Episode Date: March 20, 2024

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Today, Ben Boyce, a real estate agent accidentally burns down the property ahead of open house. Welcome to the untamed realm of the world's wide web, a swirling vortex of weirdness, bullying, and self-obsessed social media posts. In this digital jungle, Jono and Ben are your fearless guides, leading you through the wildest parts of the wild, wild web. This is the wild, wild web. Now, sorry, can I just pull you up on something

there? Is it open house or open home? This is the first time I've heard open house. Yeah, well, I wouldn't normally say open home, but I just read the article, and that's what the article said. That was there. Open house. Where's this article from? This is from Australia, and I've just found it as well. So that was from the project in Australia.

This is also on news.com.au, and they also use the term open house. Oh, I always thought it was open home. Because I guess you're buying a house. You don't want to buy someone else's home. Do you know what I mean? Have we got it wrong? Well, in New Zealand, we say open home, you'd think, wouldn't we? But maybe it is better to say open house.

Because you're buying the house, you're not, like, it's a bit creepy looking through someone's home. You're looking at the house. This is one of those moments where you realise this whole time we've been doing it wrong. Like, toileting. Like, when Ben goes to Japan and figures how they're toileting over there. Yeah, true. We've been doing it wrong the whole time. See, I truly believe the squatting method is more effective.

Yeah, well, yeah. It's not great for my knees, though. I know, but it's far more effective for a cleaner. Yeah. Yeah, a bidet. Once you bidet. Once you bidet, you can't go back. I wanted to do that every, you know, happy bidet to you, basically.

And if it's your birthday, everyone wins a bidet, you know, like we do it on the radio. Happy bidet. Yeah. We should. And every day, if it's your birthday, we give, you know. I mean, we could be part. It's a lot of bidets. It's a lot of bidets, you know, like, we do it on the radio and every day. Happy B-Day. Yeah. We should. And every day, if it's your birthday, we give, you know. I mean, we could be part. It's a lot of bidets. It's a lot of bidets, you know.

And also, if you win one, it's like, oh, admin, I've got to plumb that in. Yeah, true. We could do it for just one day. We could celebrate with, like, Plumbing World or something. And, you know, if it's your birthday on this particular day, happy B-Day, and everyone wins a B-Day. Yeah, right. We could be responsible for the mass introduction of the B-Day into the New Zealand market. Is it B-Day or bidet? I think it's bidet. Yeah, but a bidet. We could be responsible for the mass introduction of the bidet into the New Zealand market.

Is it bidet or bidet? I think it's bidet. Yeah, but bidet works better for... For the birthday. For the birthday, right. But yeah, no, the... I said, well, bidet all day. That's what you say, isn't it?

You loved it. You loved the washing sensation. It was great. I do miss it. You'd feel so clean. We literally heard you enjoying it and played that audience. All we do is smudge it round a bit.

There's a US comedian, I think it's Tosh, I can't remember who, talks about going to the bathroom. If you go to the bathroom after your shower it's like your day's all up there. You've got to start your day again. You go straight out of the shower and then you have to go to the bathroom. Things have happened in the wrong

order. Things have gone horribly wrong. I say open home, open house So a real estate agent in Australia She accidentally burnt down a multi-million dollar property To the ground Now she was preparing for an open home or an open house Depending on what country you're in And she found that

She was baking bread No She was baking muffins It was actually really unusual what she did She found that the people that were living in there left a messy bed, and so she changed that in a bit of a hurry, and she took the sheets down and put them in a room like a laundry under a light that was switched on, but too close to the light.

And the light, they reckon, basically caught the sheets on fire. Just the light bulb. The light bulb, yeah. I'm like, that shouldn't be a thing. Cash in fire during a war. Yeah, it's a light. I don't know, mate. This is what I'm reading at the moment.

So yeah, the house is worth around $3 million, along with all its contents. It's all destroyed. And I mean, it's one of those buy as is, where is situation. You still probably still have the open home. But also like $3 million in Auckland is, you know, like not that flash.

Well, it's pretty flash. Unfortunately, it is. But in Australia, that would be like. Yeah, because Australia, the house price is a bit cheaper, right? Yeah, that would be a mega mansion. It does. I've seen the pictures. It does look mansion-y.

Like by the Bosch and stuff as well. So really unfortunate day for her at work. Yeah. Open house situation. Interesting time, isn't it? It is. Yeah. I once, speaking of the lavatory.

Oh, yeah. I had to in an open home. Yeah, he did that in an open home. Oh, no, Jono. Do you poo? No. Oh, no. Oh, just wheeze.

Oh, wheeze is all right. Yeah, but still it's. If you're pooing in an open home, you're ruining... I'm not a monster. If you want to buy the house, maybe you should poo in it. Maybe... Imagine that. People walk around and they're like, why does it smell?

Like a dog claiming its territory. Yeah. And just stink it out for everyone else. Maybe that's what the pee is like as well. You're like, that's fine. I used to, when I was going to open homes for the house, like when we were trying to buy one, I used to go around and if I liked it, I'd be like, oh, no oh no i don't know i heard that they said there was electrical issues

and like you'd go and bad mouth it oh would you to everyone else because there's so many people walking around you've heard we're gonna get produced i heard someone's in there taking it i did that for the house we bought now i was like bad mouthing it yeah it's a tactic yeah it's it's such a strange environment where you walk into a home and there's a whole bunch of other strangers in the home and you're all fiercely competitive. Yeah. Like you have disdain for the other people wandering around the house.

I remember that when you were going renting, you know, as well. Oh, yeah. Everyone's in it. Because it's with the open home, most people are, they might tap out or it might not be for them. But renting, it's like everyone, we're all in on this. And like 60 people would turn up because I took a bottle of wine

to a like agency that was looking after a house once and I was like here's my application here's a bottle of wine and they told me they were like

no take it back we're not allowed to accept that no bribes they're literally not allowed to accept it so I was like oh okay

you've got to do everything you can there was like 60 people at the bribery wine. Yeah. And I'll tell you what, who could be opening this later on if they give me the property. If you give me into their house.

No, I brought on producer Taylor before because she had told this story before on the radio. It's very, very good. It's one of my favourite stories from you. When you were looking, open homing as well, right? God, it was horrendous. I still get, ugh, when I think about it. How many people were there no megan so i feel like you would have heard this story yeah yeah yeah yeah it was just here yeah yeah

yeah it's just you and two together so this is where marcello your husband marcelo montoya blitz and worse he was doing the admin for this one because he had the week off at a bi-week so i was like we need somewhere to live you can freaking take the reins this week so he's like great I found this place look where it is it's amazing I was like wow can't believe that's still available so we rock up to the house and we park up and we can see a lady through the window and she looks at us and she waves us in so I was like oh wow she's nice real estate god they're normally never that nice and so didn't even bring a bottle of wine. So she meets us at the door and she's like, come in, come in, takes us upstairs and we're looking at the house and, you know, me and Marcelo by then because we had seen so many places,

we like know what the routine is. We open drawers, we open cabinets, we go to the bathroom because we want to see how much storage there is and we're making ourselves so comfortable. So what rooms did you go into? What rooms did he go into? I did the bedrooms. He went to the bathroom.

And then the kitchen as well. Like I'm opening drawers because our last place, there was no storage in the kitchen. And was the woman, where was she? She was like at this table and she kept trying to bring our attention back to this table. Right. And she was looking at us and she's like, oh, the table's here.

And I was like, yeah, yeah, cool. We're probably not going to want it furnished because we've got our own furniture. You're like, right now I'm looking at the drawers in the kitchen. Yeah, yeah. My husband's like lifting up the toilet seat. I don't care about your fucking table. He's yelling from the bedroom, there's not much storage up here. Yeah, pretty much.

And then she keeps trying to bring us back going so the chairs do come with it and i was like oh like lovely table but we've actually got our own but thank you like we don't need the chairs yeah we'll consider it finished places right exactly exactly and then um she's like anyways i'll help you guys down the stairs with the table and i was like oh my god like we don't want the tape like I was like no we're here like what we don't want it thank you and she's like so if you know you for the table what are you here for and I was like this house like we're here we want the whole lot as rental applications and she goes for my house here. And I'm like, yeah, Jess, this house isn't up for rent.

She's like, aren't you here for the table or Facebook marketplace? And I'm like, looked at Marcello and I was like, where the fuck are we? Have you guys not been communicating? And he's so red. And she was like. Wasn't he worried because he was like,

of course it's the Fijian who has to be caught inside the house. That was his first thought, wasn't it? It was, especially because it was quite a nice area. He's like, Jesus Christ, I'm not meant to be here. And she was like kind of, as soon as she knew that we weren't there for the fucking table, she was like, no, you guys need to get out of my house. My house isn't available to rent.

My family lives here. And then I just like literally gone off at Marcelo in front of her because I was like, I leave you to do one thing where was the house where was the actual house three doors down so same street same street but i think what threw us off is because when we parked up she waved us in yeah so we didn't check what number we'd like yeah who the hell's waiting for you you know it all added up the stars were alive Wait, so did you move into that house you were looking at? No. Oh, thank God.

Because she would be your neighbour. It ended up not being a good match. Shit, that would have been awkward, eh? Everybody would be like, oh, there's the lady that we rubbaged through her jaws. Like the odds of that happening. And then after like 10 minutes of soaking up what happened, I was like, you know what? It's actually not your fault. Like what are the chances of Facebook marketplace, like, listing?

When you say 10 minutes of soaking it up, quote, unquote, I don't feel like you would have been less soaking and more yelling. Yeah, and I was texting you guys, remember, in capital letters. I was like, guys, you'll never guess what just fucking happened to us. And he's like, you're not going to tell this on the radio, are you? I was like, we're going to fucking viral this. Several times. Yeah, several times. I just brought you back in again. Yeah, that's such a great story. going to tell this on the radio. I was like, we're going to fucking fire you. Several times. Yeah, several times.

I just brought you back in again. Yeah, that's such a great story. You read through her drawers. Everything. Everything. The more I think about it, like, it was just so invasive. And if someone did that to me, I would get the fuck out of my house. She would be standing there going, what are these people doing?

Literally. What are they? Yeah. Great story. There we go. That's another wild, wild web for you. At least you didn't burn the house down. No. That's true. Could have been worse. There we go. That's another wild, wild web for you. At least you didn't burn the house down. No.

Could have been worse. There you go. Could have been worse.