Jono, Ben & Megan - The Podcast - Relationship specialist John Aiken from Married at First Sight!

Episode Date: February 4, 2024

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The Hits with the Jono and Ben podcast. Thanks to Challenge, putting the service back into service stations. Married at First Sight Australia is back on screens tonight and it's awesome to have him in the studio with us this morning, the relationship expert from the show, Jon Aitken. It is great to be back. Back, you guys. Oh, it's nice to see you. Season 11 of Married at First Sight Australia. I know. I can't believe it because when we first started back in 2014, it was a show that really no one thought would go anywhere. And then this just exploded. Well, because I was reading something yesterday,

and it made me think that you kind of said in the article that you were, back then, 11 years ago, you were a relationship expert, probably living a quiet life publicly. And now, all of a sudden, you're on the biggest show in Australia for 11 years. And it goes into 120 countries now. So it's a major. 11 years ago, I was working quietly in private practice, seeing singles and couples.

Is there a part of you where you're like, dear God, there's someone in Russia watching the worst of Australia right now? Well, I tell you, I did a podcast the other day in Dubai I'm like, well, I never thought about that But yeah, the reach is huge And each season Somehow more scandal than the previous season Yeah, yeah

Well, we have a more diverse cast this year Same-sex couple We have our oldest ever participant, Richard, at 62 A number of man buns on the show, actually. A lot of man buns. Yeah, which is always interesting. What about an age gap couple? Because I've got quite an age gap between me and my partner.

We don't typically have a huge age gap when we match because there's so many things that are going on that go into the matches that as long as they're in the same age and stage, we kind of feel like they've got a good chance in this experiment yeah right we try and limit uh that but but in saying that um this year you know i thought i'd heard it all we have a scandal we have boundary crossing uh the whole group is constantly being asked you know what's appropriate what's inappropriate behavior uh and you're going to see hands down the worst ever best man speech you'll ever hear

well we had a friend of ours who went to a wedding on the gold coast uh went to a wedding and uh the best man uh had taken ecstasy uh just about an hour before a speech he said he was like sweating profusely. He said it was a roller coaster of a speech. Was it generally positive though? I think it was one of those ones where a family had to come up and escort him off. Didn't even get to finish the speech. Didn't even hear how much he loved everyone in the room. This one will just make you cringe. It starts out badly and then just gets worse. Well, as in, he's trying for humor or? I think he's trying for shock.

Anything shock you now on the show? Because there's a bit in the trailer that I saw yesterday, and it was you saying, we're going to have to kick you out. Yeah, it does shock me. Secrets that come out in Confessions Week, which take your breath away. There's a couple of behaviors from one or two guys this year. You know, when they say these things you just think well you just can't take that back you know that's right so in in short they continually

surprise me yeah to be honest though that's one of my favorite parts watching that show is someone behaving badly and then having to sit in front of you and you're like i love it when you tell them off yeah what i've learned is less is more so i don't say a lot to them, but they can see me getting more and more wound up. And then when I come at them, I make sure that it's short and sharp and that it's going to land. Because a lot of these people, they're bad at relationships. No one's ever really hauled them over the coals. Got to really somehow get their attention and get them to stop and think about, well, maybe I to do this differently and some of them take it on but often they get really combative and come back at you and that's good TV as well. Now a bit of heartbreak for you I imagine in this season

of filming with the passing of Trisha the fellow fellow relationship experience. That's right it was very sad she passed away in September last. She was there in the beginning with me. And when you start out, like with anything, you don't really know how to handle it. Social media wasn't around, for instance, when maths first started. Yeah, right. So her and I were like, somehow figure out how to deal with all this criticism and noise around the show and Twitter explodes and then TikTok and Instagram. And we didn't really know how to deal with it, but we lent on each other all the time. For me, when she passed, it was like, wow, that's someone who I really cared for, who was a rock for me.

What do you mean there was no Instagram when you first started? Why did the contestants go on? What profiles were they looking for? In season one, were they actually looking for love? Isn't it strange? Because I know now OnlyFans is a big deal for these guys. Podcasts, radio, being an influencer. There's a lot out there for them now.

And we know that that's a part of who they are. But we also need them to be looking for love. Now, John, when do you know? I'm not talking about the relationships on maps, but in real life. When do you know a relationship is done? You'll see see a cluster of signs and it won't happen over a day it'll be something that'll happen over months where you you essentially start to lose the feeling for that person you'll start to notice you sabotage the relationship so it might be they're texting you you don't get back to them they're saying let's go out for something special

i'm not interested the sex dries up now you might not be aware of it or you might be consciously doing it, but essentially you are exiting. When you look at that cluster of behaviors, you'll realize actually I'm out of it. Because there is a theory too that a lot of girls in relationships have mentally checked out almost a year before the relationship ends. Not just women, men, you know, you can check out of something and still be in it for years until finally that person says, you know what, I've had enough of this, I'm getting out. And you've sort of done it, but you haven't said it. What is the best way to break up with someone? Well, I think, and a lot of people don't do it.

A lot of people don't do it nowadays.. A lot of people don't do it nowadays. The face-to-face is very important. And you want to sit with them and give them time to process it and understand it. What happened here? Why aren't you into it? When was the turning point? Getting all this information. I know it's awkward.

It's horrible. But it's either that or you just get a text. Is that to give closure to everyone? Yes, that's exactly right. So you're allowing the person that you're breaking up with some chance of getting meaning so that they can then learn and then they can move forward versus just cutting the contact or sending a text or changing your status on Facebook. I like the non-conflict version.

Is there things that everyone could be doing better in their relationships or one secret ingredient? Yeah, look, I would say you should have a debrief at the end of every day is very important with your partner where you sit down and you say, right, Ben, tell me what were the stresses today? And you just vent and your partner listens, sides with you and doesn't fix. No solutions, no advice. And then once you've done that, you turn it over and you go, all right, your turn.

Megan, you're like. Can you please call my husband? Yeah. Please. He's got to fix everything. That's right. You don't want that. I want comfort.

I don't want solutions. That's right. And you've got to side with him as well. Yeah. You've got to, you know. Whatever you don't. You may not agree with. That's right. And you've got to side with them as well. Yeah. You've got to, you know, and so. Whatever you don't, like, you don't. You may not agree with it. Oh, right.

You saw what you're saying is, you know what, Megan, I get that. I get that. Yeah, gotcha. That must have been a really tough day. No advice. And if you do that once a day, and it only has to go for five, ten minutes, a glass of wine, you know, it's fantastic. Because what your partner then is doing is saying, you can bring anything to me. I'm going to side with you and i'm going to have you back that being you raise an interesting point if you don't agree with something that your partner said when do you know you should

shut up and when do you know you should side with them well what i would say is you don't want to get into that point scoring where i'm right you you're wrong. If your partner's got all this stress going on and inside you're thinking, I really want to say, I told you so. You shouldn't have done that. You don't want to go down that path because that just creates all sorts of chaos. What you want to do is just remind yourself, Jono, listen, don't fix. Listen, don't fix. Listen, don't fix.

Shut up, Jono. Shut up. Here's another one we had on the show, too. Megan and Ben ran into someone outside of work. Megan wasn't a big fan of this person. Ben is a polite. He likes to be liked by people. No, it's not a big fan.

We've got beef. Beef. We've got beef. They're fusing. Ben waved and smiled at this person because he likes to be liked. And I know this person on a friendly thing, so that's what I would do. And then there was a bit of tension, Josh. You see.

What would you say about this? We're not in a relationship other than a working relationship. But I claimed that your partner has to adopt your beef. Is that the case? So they can't go to a party and then suddenly talk to someone that you've got active beef with and be like, hey, how's it going? Beds on the beef. Beds are sizzling the beef.

This is good. But ultimately, you know, you're right. Your partner needs to be able to have your back around the beef. Beds are sizzling the beef. This is good. But ultimately, you know, you're right. Your partner needs to be able to have your back around the beef. And every single time you debrief about it, your partner's got to be saying, yeah, look, I get what you're saying. I can understand why that would be so hard for you. They talk about, you know, if you have an argument, okay, and going to bed, you don't go, you know, go to bed still angry.

Is that something, is that a theory or should you take a step back and talk when things are a bit calmer? I would always talk when things are a bit calmer because when you're in the heat of the moment, things just escalate. And then when people get defensive, really what they then tend to do is start to increase the volume. And to the point where you are yelling and screaming, but nothing's landing. So what you want to remember is when you want to bring something up to your partner, you've got to bring it up gently rather than a harsh way of starting up

where you just basically get the sledgehammer out and go, Jono, you always do that. And I do. I do. You're right. You're right. But coming in gently That doesn't make good TV

That's what I will say That's rough Oh, Jono, as Ben said We've got a load of questions for you Always love hanging out with you, mate Thank you for your time And Maths is back on three And look forward to catching up with you shortly

Yeah, thanks guys