Jono, Ben & Megan - The Podcast - R.I.P TO THE WILD WILD WEB

Episode Date: June 26, 2024

R.I.P to the Wild Wild Web - our final episode! See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Today on the Wild Wild Web, it's our final episode. I know, mixed emotions. But strap yourselves in for a comedic affair. Welcome to the untamed realm of the world's wide web. A swirling vortex of weirdness, bullying, and self-obsessed social media posts. In this digital jungle, Jono and Ben are your fearless guides. Leading you through the wildest parts of the Wild Wild Web. This is the Wild Wild Web. Kia ora, yes, hello and welcome to the Wild Wild Web.

As mentioned, the grand finale. This is it. The funeral. This is it. Apologies, Megan Pappas couldn't be here with us today she couldn't face it

it's an emotional time for everyone isn't it couldn't face coming in for the last final episode of the wild wild web I think frustrations

from her the fact that it's not continuing on I get it she'll come to terms with it we all will at the moment

I feel very in shock about it to be honest I haven't really given it time to process it so all will at the moment I feel just very in shock about it to be honest I haven't really given it time to process it so yeah Megan will be hopefully back on deck

well not on this show obviously but on the normal broadcast on Monday and the normal podcast as well it's either that or she's got a sick child

it was one of the two options yeah I'm not sure I'm picking it as the wild wild web but yeah the final episode and Ben I thought we should go out on a high a bit of a lighter note okay I'm picking it's the Wild Wild Web. But yeah, the final episode. And Ben, I thought we should go out on a high,

a bit of a lighter note, okay? So I've found some comedy material from the internet because that's what the basis of the show is, find stuff from the wildest parts of the internet. These are all jokes that I've never heard before. Never. And we've Googled a lot of jokes over our time. And I'd like to get your feedback on all of them. I think they're very clever.

Well, because that's our thing, you know, being people that, we're not comedians as such, but we do, you know, MC things, you tell jokes on radio and stuff. But, yeah, so I never remember, I feel like I need to remember jokes. Well, this actually came off, We went to Radio Hauraki. We're doing a wonderful fundraiser for bowel cancer, bowel cancer awareness yesterday, a day in lieu. And there was a feature that we had to appear on called tell, you know, crappy jokes.

And I was like, damn it, I don't know. I don't have any jokes. So I went home and obviously got swept up in the algorithm of jokes. Trying to remember one. Yeah, we do. I mean, we do have the Scandinavian one in. Oh, yeah, tell that one really quickly. Yep, so I've given away the punchline already, but...

It's never a good start when you're doing comedy. You're like, here's the punchline. Leave that, think about that. We'll come back to that. But why do the Norwegian naval ships have QR codes on them? So they can Scan the Navy in. Scan the Navy in. That's good.

Yeah. What do I think? I think I almost can remember one I saw the other day. I thought it was, what was that? It was quite good. Remember jokes is tough

because you're like, that's so good. I'll never forget that joke. That'll be my one that I pull out in social circumstances. Okay. Here's,

okay. So two robbers, they're robbing a liquor store from memory. One robber grabs a bottle. Is this from memory? Is that part of the material? No.

Is that just from normal memory? Two robbers robbing a liquor store. One robber grabs a bottle. The other robber says, is this whiskey? And the other says, yeah, but not as whiskey as wobbing a bank. That's not bad. Not bad. I can remember that.

Yeah, that's good. You can remember that. Yeah. I think I remember that yeah that's good you can remember that yeah I think that's right try not to say from memory oh right yeah is this whiskey it leaves the audience member going

well does he know or is he just making this up as he goes along and I think it was wobbing a bank too I think you had to say like wobbing a bank not as whiskey

as wobbing a bank yeah that's good yeah I think that's right I think I've got that nearly correct yeah that's funny

kind of made sense I tried to remember that I think that's right. I think I've got that nearly correct. That's funny. Kind of made sense. I tried to remember that. I saw that one on an internet little video, and I was like, oh, maybe I can remember that. Well, here's something for you. Okay. I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes, so she gave me a hug. That's good. Didn't you like that?

Yeah. That's the other thing with jokes. You're never like, ha, ha, ha. You're like, oh, yeah, that's good. That's good. Okay. Another one. That's the other thing with jokes You're never like Ha ha ha You're like oh yeah that's good That's good Okay another one I used to play piano by ear But now

I use my hands That's not bad That's not bad Yeah Why don't scientists Trust atoms? Because they just make everything up That's a bit of a science one there

Yeah a bit of a science That one would kill it In a sort a science forum. I'm reading a book on anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down. Give me the next... Is there a joke that you think I could try?

Oh yeah, you try the punchline. I probably won't in saying that. I reckon you might be able to get this one. I would avoid the sushi if I was you. be able to get this one I would avoid the sushi If I was you It's a little It's a little

Rice It's rice Little fishy This is a fun game Okay I'm on a whiskey diet Oh I had a whiskey joke there It's a whiskey

It's not as whiskey as warming a bag It's a little whiskey but I'm on a whiskey diet I mean the whiskey is not essential to the punchline Sorry that wasn't my line You could just go I'm on an alcohol only diet I've lost Brain cells

Friends and family, my job, my liver. The function of my liver. The place I'm on is I'm on a whiskey diet. I've lost three days already. That's all right. I can imagine Kevin Boyce, your dad, telling you that one. Yeah, he does. He loves a dad joke.

Yeah, this is very good. Parallel lines. They have so much in common. Kevin Boyce your dad tell you that one yeah he does he loves a dad joke yeah this is very good parallel lines they have so much in common it's just a shame they'll never meet I like that one yeah

do you know because we did that thing yesterday for Radio Hauraki because they were doing a wonderful thing a day in the loo it was like

raising awareness and money for bowel cancer in New Zealand. Great thing. And they had some jokes that we could kind of read out, you know, because it was all about comedy. Shits and giggles, I think they were calling it. Yeah. But I got to do one,

well, I got to do a few on radio just to say it, but I screwed up one word. You know, when you say it slightly wrong, thesaurus, I kind of stumbled on that. And that was crucial to my joke. I could see you and Angelina, who we're with, go, what's he, oh, I have an abyss of gear. Because it was crucial to the joke, and it was the one key word.

Thesaurus is a tough one to wrap your mouth around. Can't even remember the punchline for that, but it was. That would be up there as one of the world's most difficult words to pronounce. Here we go. Here's a list of those. I don't know why I decided. I thought... Okay.

See if you can get through these. Anomany. Anomany. Anomany. Anomany. Anomany. Anomany. Anomany.

Can you do it onomatopoeia? Onomatopoeia. Yeah, I can think of that. What about the source, starting with W? Oh, I never know. Is it Worcestershire or Worcestershire or Worcestershire? I never know Is it Worcestershire Or Worcestershire Or Worcestershire

Worcestershire Worcestershire Yeah Worcestershire I think we just say Worcestershire But it's not It's like Worcestershire Yeah

Here's a big one for Patricia Taylor She must have been a meeting Here's a big one for her The colonel The colonel really Tripped her up She was colonels

Remember There was a guy Who was a colonel and she was like, the Colinal. Yeah. But I can actually see how you end up with Colinal, because it's exactly how. We're talking about Colinal. What's that? It's spelt that way. It exactly is.

You're right. It exactly is. It's 100% spelt that way. Although you had a crack at Jono about some pasta that he didn't know how to say. Oh, yeah. Oh, you bloody idiot. You're Italian. You can do course. Or chetti. You said, or know how to say. Oh, yeah. Oh, you bloody idiot. You're Italian. You can call someone.

Or chetti. You said, or chetti. Or chetti, yeah. Very uneducated. How do you say gnocchi? We say gnocchi. No. Is it gnocchi?

Gnocchi, yeah. Okay, so here's the thing. Because if you go to a restaurant and what should I do? Should I have a crack at it and do my honest best at it or do I just go, I'll have that one, thanks? Well, I feel like if you're in New Zealand, it's fine if your pronunciation is not correct because chances are the waiter's got no idea either.

But if you're in Italy, try. Because you want to be respectful. And go, okay, I actually do. But at the same time, I'm like, I'm not 100% sure how to pronounce this. What's the most offensive word You know in Italian And then you don't have to Say what it is

But you just say The Italian word Oh should I say it Yeah Oh okay What's the last episode Because it's a podcast As long as it's not

A racial slur or anything No no Okay Cut so Okay No we will never know We will never know You even look guilty

Saying it Yeah because Every time I've said it Before my mum has slapped me across the face oh is it like the yeah the really the worst words probably yeah yeah ben's googled it no no i was just looking at something else because i remember something from when i was traveling through idly but i was trying to remember how the guy and it was like yeah it was basically busting my you're busting my balls but he was yelling it out it was it was like to parlay but

so rob was something something to par but i always I remembered it for a little while. I was like what's this guy saying? He was busting his balls. Oh no no, he was yelling at someone. He was quite very heated. He was upset. And I said to my friend who knew a lot of Italian, I was like what is he saying? He's saying oh he's yelling he's saying you're busting my balls. In Italian it sounded cool. I imagine you just go to Italy and there's just people yelling at each other Waving arms There it is It's that one It's like le palle at the end

Oh rompe palle My dad says that all the time You're busting my balls And then ma fang culo That gets thrown around quite a lot at home That means up your ass Oh ma fang culo Le care il mio culo

That's lick my ass. You say you don't know much Italian, but you just know all the rude stuff. Well, I couldn't, I could absolutely not tell you what, how was your day is, or good morning or anything. It's just the slur. You could say, lick my ass. You go to a restaurant, you're like, just say that when you order. Are you ready to order?

You'll be like, yeah, lick my ass. Can you say hello? No. Just say that. That's a great prank. My dad got a good prank. He went traveling when he was younger with my mom when they were together.

And they got taught. I think they ended up on a boat to Europe. And it took some months to get there. And there was, I think, a couple of Spanish guys that taught him a song because my dad plays guitar and song they taught him a Spanish song and they were like this is a song you should teach him my dad was teaching him a New Zealand song and then he'd go around and playing it when he would and he didn't realize till much later that um that it was a swear word I was basically saying he was my dad was saying I'm a wanker I'm

an arsehole it was like someone came up to him after he'd been playing. He's like, I've been playing this song so many times. Traditional Spanish song. Here you go. I'll play this. It's a beautiful language. And then someone would come up to him and go, do you know what you're saying? He's like, oh, I've got taught this. And they're like, yeah, you're saying you're an asshole.

You're a wanker. And he's like, oh, my God, am I? He's like, I taught them slice of heaven. Yeah, I know. I know. Great prank. Great prank. And that's the first person who had the guts to come up to of heaven. Yeah, I know. Great prank, great prank. And that's the first person who had the guts to come up to him and say it. I know.

That's how many Spanish-speaking people heard it and didn't say anything. They're like, why is this guy singing? He's singing away with a happy voice. Yeah, good prank, that one. But they wouldn't have got to witness it. I mean, I guess they would have got to witness it when he was learning it. That's it. Great. You're doing a great job.

They would have had a chuckle too. Nowadays, if Dad had done it, he'd be on the Hock Tour. Yay! Look at this guy. Hock Tour. Yeah, he'd be everywhere, you know. Oh, well, listen, this has been the final episode of the Wild Wild Web.

Yeah. Final words, final words. Let's all go down in history, put this in the time capsule. I know we're all struggling to come to terms with it. Right. Producer Taylor. Yeah, sad day. We're just saying that Megan couldn't even be here.

No. And Grace, who uploads it. She couldn't be here. So I'm sitting here thinking how the hell this is going to get uploaded. Grace is, yeah, Grace is. Yeah, I actually couldn't be here either. Emotions running high. I mean, it's tough when, you know, you lose a gig.

It is. It's like losing a child. Yeah., it's tough when, you know, you lose a gig. It is. It's like losing a child. Yeah. But it's been a wild ride. You know, who would have thought when we started this two or three months ago that, you know, we'd get to here. But it didn't end how we thought it was going to be. Such big ambition.

I know. I was looking forward to season two. Yeah. This was going to take us across the country. It was. Just this podcast. You know, I'd hope Joe Rogan would go, Oh, good to hear about this Wild Wild West podcast. But no, he'd never heard of it. Take us across the country Just this podcast Yeah You know I'd hope Joe Rogan Would go Oh good

You hear about this Wild Wild West Wild Wild Web podcast But no You've never heard of it But Anyway We're all

Enjoy And thanks for listening Appreciate it