Jono, Ben & Megan - The Podcast - Should My Friend Seek Child Support from Her Ex?

Episode Date: August 26, 2024

After a intense discussion in our Dear Megan segment, we had more questions and decided to consult with a reproductive lawyer to get the rundown!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This Jono and Ben podcast brought to you by HelloFresh, the experts and tastes that Kiwis love. The emotional scenes at the Warriors on Friday night, the last home game for Sean Johnson. Very, very teary. It was when he walked out with his wonderful wife Kayla and their children and started tearing up. I imagine that would have been a big wave of emotion for him. Oh, totally. Stupid comment, Jono. Obviously it was. And it's hard to probably regather yourself from that moment

and then start tackling mofos. Yeah, play a rugby league game. But yeah, really, really sad. Good send-off. Yeah, it was a great send-off. You're right. Now someone slid into Megan's DMs again with a very juicy dilemma, I guess, in some ways.

Yeah, like insensitive, which they address. It says, Hey, Jono, Ben and Megan, And sensitive, which they address. It says, Hey, Jonathan and Megan, this is a sensitive topic and involves my best friend. Long story short, my friend and her now ex-husband were trying to have a baby and they froze embryos during their time together.

They broke up and therefore didn't use them. Fast forward and my friend ended up using one of the embryos herself with the permission from her ex as long as she agreed she raised the child herself. He didn't want to be involved. But now the child is two and she is asking for child support. I'm supportive of her that he was very clear that he would give her the gift of a child but didn't want to be involved. That included giving the child support. She keeps asking me for my opinion and what she should do but i can't help but feel like

she trapped him a wee bit and it isn't really fair but then again he is the father should he pay am i a bad friend for feeling like this my first instinct is they had an arrangement they had he has no obligation to pay. But then, I've watched a lot of Judge Judy over my years. She would say, take the emotion out of it. What was the deal? Was it written down? Was it written down?

Was it contractual? But if it was just he said, she said, then arguably in the eyes of the law, he's got an obligation. Yeah, you're right. It does feel like exactly what you said i don't need to repeat exactly are you on my team i am actually yeah like if that does feel like it was the agreement but did they did they get a contract an actual agreement drawn up well that hasn't been mentioned which would lead you to believe no but is the verbal agreement enough in the eyes of the law in this situation?

Does he have some sort of obligation? Well, you would. Is it? Yeah. Because you fast forward 10, 15 years in this situation and the child's growing up. What do you do then? Because this person might still be in and around the house.

Like, it gets messy. It does get very messy. But the question we're asking is, is he obligated to pay child support off the back of this arrangement? Yeah, I'd love to know why he has his thoughts changed towards it. You know, has he met the child? Does he feel like maybe he wants to be part of their life? This is coming from the friend, obviously.

Well, it sounds like they're not at all in any kind of relationship. It reminds me of when I'm walking through Westfield Mall and they're like, hey, sir, would you like to sign up direct debit to save the starving chinchillas of Bolivia? I'm like, yeah, okay, I'll help the Bolivia. And then I cancel the direct debit a couple of months later. But then they come knocking.

Three years later and they're like, that chinchilla you helped save from starving to death now wants a house. Pay up. It's just like that. It's exactly like that. No part of me questioning that example. No part of me got lost.

I got lost in your example. I got lost, yeah. Or given that example. That's about more confused than when you started. Rock solid example. Okay, so what do we want to know here megan what well the friend wants to know is she a bad friend for feeling like that should the father technically should he be paying i guess what

is the legalities around that too if you're a lawyer and so your friend probably wants to know if she should say something to her mate and say hey you should back off asking for child support the hits the jonah and ben podcast uh we're in the middle of today's Dear Megan, which has got to do with child support and an agreement. We don't know how rock solid the agreement was, but just to recap, Megan. So this is a friend messaging in about her friend, an ex-husband.

They were trying to have a baby that froze embryos, which they didn't use when they were in a relationship. But fast forward, she asked if she could use the embryo to have the baby herself. The verbal agreement, as far as we know, was that he didn't want to be involved. Now that the baby's two, the child's two, she is asking for child support, but he said he didn't want to do anything, didn't want to be involved in any way.

In his position, I would be like, again, fast forward 15 years and the kids growing up and he's joined a gang like the T-Birds from Greece or something. And he's like, you know, my best friend wouldn't be Danny Zuko if you'd just paid child support. You know, that would linger over me. Yeah. The guilt of, well, do you want to help out this kid? Yeah. A paternal instinct, if you will. Exactly.

Yeah, that's why I'd really love to know if he wants to be more involved or not. What's the text machine saying there? Flooded. He didn't actually have the physical situation to conceive the child. She did that knowing he didn't want to be with her or support her. No way should he have to pay child support. Someone said, surely he had to sign off on it. Well, it sounds like he did.

And if they didn't have a contract after that, then basically he's agreed to do it. This is someone that said, quoting a lawyer, a verbal agreement is passable in a court of law, and this would be sufficient to swing in the favour of the father not having to pay child support. Wow.

But the question this morning, I guess, is does this lady confront her friend and say, hey, back off the child support demands. Cara, you're on. How are you? I'm good. No, my blood's not boiling so much. Your blood's boiling.

You're blood's boiling me out. Your blood's boiling me out. Who are you defending? I'm defending him. Her friends should tell her 100% that it's not right. To me, I feel like this woman has gotten older and she's kind of getting near the end of her kind of being able to have kids situation possibly and there's the embryo there. He's done her a solid, you know, he's been a good guy and said, yeah, okay, that's cool.

Given her the reasons, you know, well, his demands or whatever you want to call them. And then she's just gone totally against that. Yep, true. He was pretty clear by the sounds of it. Pretty clear with his communication. There was an agreement there, yeah. It's like, if I was to use an example, walking through Westfield and they're demanding money for chinchillas in Bolivia. Nothing like the chinchilla example.

Bloody chinchillas. Thank you, Cara. Like your blood boil, aren't they, the chinchillas? Someone's texted. Jono, thanks for that chinchilla example. It really cleared things up for me. Martin. Morning, guys. How's it going?

Yeah, good. Do you think the friend should confront her mate and say, hey, child support payments, no, no, no? Definitely. I mean, I was the one that texted and said, you know, you'd think they both would have had to sign off on the IVF to get the embryo. Yeah.

And in my eyes, surely you'd get something written down to say, but technically it's not going to be my child kind of thing. But, yeah, the thing is you turn around and say, look, pull your head in. It's unfair on him if he didn't want to have any more kids or if he's in another marriage with kids, it's extremely unfair on him. Well, he did a favour and it's come back to bite.

And do you know what? Probably 90% of people on the text machine are agreeing. So is that the resolution? That's what we're going to say? Yeah, but someone said, is his name on the birth certificate? If it is, he probably has to pay child support. Zandra, we have tracked down, the team have tracked down a reproductive lawyer.

Someone who specialises in this kind of situation. Now, Zandra joins us on the phone. Good morning to you. Good morning, team. Lovely. Now, just to clarify, we're not paying per hour for this? Yeah, how does this work? No, no, no, absolutely not.

All right, okay. Because it would come off Ben's credit card. He's got 63 million views on the internet at the moment. I've got no money. It's all about the views though, right? It's all about the views. Hey, Sandra, now you've heard the scenario. Legally, we're just quite interested to know from a legal standpoint,

where does everyone sit? Well, look, absolutely in terms of the ex-husband, who I think is one of your listeners just said did her a favour, you know, he is exposed. He's exposed to pay child support in terms of he's consented to her using the embryo and I assume is on the birth certificate, which then, of course, makes him a father and a guardian. In saying that, though, there would be grounds to argue that with IRD

and apply for what's called an admin review. But, yeah, I mean, I'm not going to sound like a lawyer here, but it's exactly what I am. It's so important to get something documented and get an agreement and get the independence advice before so that everybody knows. So get it in writing, just saying, get it in writing. Because what's the thing? A verbal agreement, I guess it is kind of like he says, she says, or whatever the situation is, right?

Yeah, absolutely. But also to just get that two lawyers, each get your own lawyer, get independent legal advice, get it documented in an agreement. It doesn't cost a lot. We do these quite regularly with these, they're called donor agreements. And everybody knows where they stand, that you're not going to be a parent who's got the responsibility day to day, you're not going to go on the birth certificate, you're not going to apply at a later stage to be a guardian, but important for the guy in this scenario,

not going to be responsible financially. So I've heard from the friend, and we know that there was no official contract, so it was a verbal agreement, but she's not sure if he is on the birth certificate. Say he's not, but they only have a verbal agreement, where would they stand with child support in that scenario? Yeah, it would be really difficult for her to get child support in that scenario,

and so that's key. That's the key bit. Is he on the birth certificate or not? If he's not, then that's going to make it very difficult. Well, Zandra, if anyone finds their life falling apart, how do they get a hold of you? Just Google my name. Just look me up.

It's quite unique. Yeah, Zandra's great. I've never heard the name Zandra. It's a wonderful name. Thank you. Yeah, it is good. It is good. Good name.

Good name. You like the name, Ben? I do. I love the name. Good name. It's all right. It's like Yeah, it is good. It is good. Good name. Good name. You like the name, Ben? I do. I love a name. Good name. That's alright. It's like you had a personalized plate. You just thought, I couldn't get Sandra, so I'll just get the Z version. It was good. I like it.