Jono, Ben & Megan - The Podcast - Show Highlights: Ben Is In Trouble With His Mother In Law...

Episode Date: June 27, 2023

Ben put his mother in law in the wrong direction.. What are you doing that makes you an oldie... Jono drove someone elses car! See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

I feel confident I can tell you this story because the person who it affects is currently overseas at the moment, won't be hearing this. My mother-in-law, Joyce, she's gone to visit family in America and she's left her car at our place and she was going to leave it out on the street, out the front while she took an Uber out to the airport. Well, you didn't take yourself. Well, we were actually at Cats, the musical. That's why. So, yeah, no, we head off. And then we realized there was a schedule change. And she's dropping her car off.

But it's also a great relief when you realize you can't take someone to or from the airport. Otherwise, I would. But, yeah, so this is the case. She's got a car. She's going to put it on the street. And I was like, don't leave it out in the street. It'll be safer in the driveway. This is what I told her. Well, that that's and from your point of view that's logical

yeah well i thought logical and i but it's now turned out to be famous last words because my daughters much like your daughter really into the netball and we bought a netball hoop recently um we never had a netball hoop as well they play midcourt they don't really shoot but we're like hey we'll get a hoop at least we can play around with it. And one of those ones you fill up the base with sort of water or sand. Oh, yeah, to weigh it down. Yeah, yeah. Now, I have obviously filled it up with not quite enough water when it comes to the windy conditions of late.

And a couple of days ago, I came out in the morning, and the netball hoop had toppled over. Oh, no, no, no. Joyce's car. Oh, not on Joyce's car. Oh, no. On the car, I said, oh, it'll be safer in here. Put your car in there. A little bit of a crack running down the windscreen.

Now, I'm going to have to get sorted while she's away overseas. I'm like, oh, but I'm going to have to do it. But in fairness, you said it would be safer in here. God knows what would have happened out on the street. That's true. You could have got run over by a truck out there. Be right. So would be safer in here. God knows what would have happened to it out on the street. That's true. You know, it could have got run over by a truck out there. You're right. I mean, it is safer in there.

But just one of those things, when I saw the netball hoop toppled over on the car, I was like, well, it's clearly not safer in here. In fact, you know, I shouldn't have left it next to the netball hoop. Is it worth a call to Joycey on the radio? No, it's not. Is she a radio person? No, she's not a radio.

No, she's definitely not. And I'm not. No, no, no, no, she's not. No, no, no, no, she's not. She's not. Let's just say we'll get it sorted while she's away. She'll come home. She'll have no idea. We'll forget this conversation ever happened.

The Hits, the Jono and Ben podcast. And Indiana Jones. There's a brand new Indiana Jones movie coming out this week. Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny. And we're chatting to the legendary Harrison Ford. We've got five minutes with him after the show today. You'll hear the interview tomorrow, but we're quite nervous because he's a legend. He is. Five terrifying minutes for us.

We have never seen him smile, so our one goal heading into this, our only agenda is to make Harrison Ford smile. Now, we've settled on a joke that the nation is brainstorming together. We've been doing so for the last two or three days. Even our old producer, Aaron, audio producer engineer, he sent through some, how about this? Harrison Ford in the Temple of Boomer. Because he's a bit older now.

Instead of the Temple of Doom. It would be better if it was the Temple of Doomer, but hey. Indiana Jones and the Raiders of the Lost Rest Home Residence. Okay, this is not stuff. I mean, he is 81 years old, Harrison Ford, still being an action star, which is incredible. Hollywood legend, as you say, we haven't seen him smile, so we want to make him smile. So yesterday we took the jokes that you guys have helped us find, probably just stolen from the internet, around the office, and we road tested the finalists of the jokes

about Harrison Ford. OK, if you binge-watch all five Indiana Jones movies, it's Marathon Ford. I think it plays. Yeah, I think it plays. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Why did Harrison Ford crash his plane? Oh, god.

Because he was flying solo and went, look, no hands. That's good. It didn't get me to laugh, but that's good, guys. It took me a while. I was like, putting it all together. See? That's all you need. Is that enough for a smile?

That's enough for a smile? That's enough for a smile, he's going to love that. Why doesn't Indiana Jones take long in the bathroom? Because he just whips it out. Oh, good luck with that. That wasn't a great reaction, so maybe we'll leave that one off the list. What's Indiana Jones' Norwegian cousin called? Harrison Fjord.

That was kind of funny. That's all we wanted. That's all we wanted. That's what you just did there. That's all we wanted. A light smile. What is it called when you discuss the differences between Han Solo and Indiana Jones? Comparison Ford.

Indiana loves it. Good reaction. That might be the one. I didn't have any confidence Heading into this No Now I have All of the Blind confidence

That we're going to make This man cackle over You still like that one mate? Comparison Comparison Ford That was Gujan Our wonderful Security guard

Here at work Now those are the finalists You can vote online The hits breakfast On Instagram Facebook And we're going to go in this afternoon, Ben, with one

joke and one joke only. It feels like Harrison Ford would probably enjoy the musings of more cultured presenters. Well, maybe. We'll find out. Like a more discerning Hosking or something. Sitting down with a Hosking. The Hits. The Jono and Ben Podcast. Now, have you

I know your wife has a car too sometimes when you jump in amanda's car yeah uh is her indicator on the same side as your indicator no it's not now this really upsets me i drove my wife's car yesterday jennifer's car her indicator is on the opposite side to where my indicator is so every time time I'm turning a corner, I'm turning the bloody window wipers on. See, I can, maybe once, and I'm fine. But Amanda is probably the same as you multiple times. Just all, every time I drive, and I keep going, remember, you're in my car. And he goes up the next thing, the window wipers are going.

I'm like, remember. This frustrates me. I keep making the same mistake and i do it and then i'm like remind yourself you're not in your vehicle next corner window wipers are blasting away full go and the other motorists they know what's going on they've been in that position as well i've been there buddy being there driving the partner's car and mix and you never see vin diesel when he hops in a car and fast and furious no. No. Excuse me, what side of the window? He never has that problem, does he?

No, no, you're right. Yeah, but I don't know. It is a frustration in our relationship because every time I do it, I say it to my wife and then she'd do it again. I don't say anything, but she knows that I'm... And no one's more angry with themselves than the driver. Yes, exactly. Because they've already made the mistake.

I've gone, hey, remember, it's my car. Sometimes you make the mistake multiple times in one minute. Yeah. You just really, yeah, disappoint. Well, you do. I'm okay. I kind of deal with it all right. Once and I'm done.

Is it a common problem? Maybe it's just me and Amanda dealing with it. The Hits, the Jono and Ben podcast. Two days ago, there was a big athletics meet going on. And the german team uh yeah who uh yeah so basically they had one of the the 100 meter hurdler uh couldn't do the race and they were going to get disqualified as a team and so the shot putter uh was like well it's gonna have to be me last minute call up so the shot putter obviously not trained in hurdles. Belgium actually.

My apologies to the Germans and the Belgians. International relations will be at an all time low now but she obviously not versed in running over hurdles. She's like I could chuck something over the hurdles. You want me to throw something over them? She couldn't throw her legs over the hurdle. They're quite high when you look at them in

real life. Oh yeah totally. She struggled a bit but she gave it a crack. She well have a listen one woman that's really going the extra mile to help her team jodie maliga bonko of belgium there in lane two she came seventh in the shot put yesterday and she put on her own instagram today hashtag this is not a joke i am gonna run the 100 meter hurdles for my team yeah 19 seconds slower than the person who won the race but hey good on her she did it for the team she a last minute caller yeah well it's kind of like it's kind of like i've just mentioned husking before it's like getting us to fill in for husking we're kind of playing the same field with no preparation yeah no preparation you're on now a completely different discipline yeah do you know how much skill it takes to find new ways of despising the labor party every morning

pen that's skill yeah years built up over years so what we want to do is open up last minute call-ups have you been uh a ring-in maybe uh is a bridesmaid groomsman a lot of wedding speeches i imagine people get too nervous, can't speak. You have to step in. I remember, I would have been 19, and a colleague at work was like, oh, I'm meant to fly to Dunedin, talk with the radio school there, the radio students.

Can you do it for me? Now, that was all I was told, and I assumed wrongly that I was just going to talk to a room of stoned no-hoper radio students. Ben, we've both been there. You know what it's like when they come in here. We're like, have you got any questions? The only question Ben gets

asked is, are you going to grow back your dreads? Yeah, we've had that before. Great question. This is the calibre of people I thought I was going to go and speak to. And the answer's no. If you're wondering. I flew down there, walked in, and I was like, oh, dear God. Caps, gowns. It's like a graduation.

Extended family members, parents, grandparents, aunt, packed hall. I'm like in jeans and a t-shirt. I haven't prepared anything. And I was meant to be the keynote speaker at this graduation. The person had never even passed on the memo, the enormity of the event. And when I get nervous, I swear a lot. So I was like, I don't know. I kind of gave a snapshot of how I had gone to radio school and got into radio and stuff.

Just littered filthy swear words all the way through it. And I remember distinctly, and I cringe every time I think of it, his granddad came up to me at the end. He's like, it's a good story. No swearing, aye? Swearing brings the tone down. And I was like, oh. And I was like, I brought the tone down of the graduation.

Yeah, that's all they'll be talking about for years to come. Last minute Larry. All right. It was a very sad flight back. So where have you had a last minute call up? We'd love to hear from you this morning. You just couldn't put her legs over the hurdles. They're above

waist height. Higher than you think. You do not appreciate it when you're just watching it on the Olympics, which by the way I've just said they're not serving alcohol in the stadiums. What's the point of the Olympics? It doesn't feel like the event that you go along as crowd to go along, you know, and get, you know. It's not like the sevens in Wellington back in the day.

Yeah, I don't know, but maybe. You don't want to get rowdy at the Olympics. Through the javelin! Yeah, you're right. It's a bit more prestigious. But you're right, they're not at their next Olympics serving alcohol. So I want to know, 100th of Hits, when were you a last-minute call-up? You just said before you got called up last minute

to do a speech, quite a prestigious speech. Oh yeah, it was for graduation and the memo wasn't passed on to me. I was filling in for someone. And I got back and I was like,

it was a graduation. He was like, yeah. Anyway. I got the same thing cringed when I think of something as well. At the end of broadcasting school, they had a big function where all the tutors were talking about the year and reflecting and stuff.

And we'd been out for lunch before, and it's the last day course is over, so we had a few drinks or whatever just to kind of turn up and enjoy this function. And I remember one of the tutors, as a stitch-up, who I got on quite well with, she went, and now on behalf of the students, I'd like Ben to come up. He's prepared something for us. i hadn't prepared anything this was as a joke and i was there i had a few i had a few drinks i wasn't quite in the state of mind it was all the families there and everything it was quite a big thing and i remember going and i remember distinctly one of those things like yours where someone's comment just sticks in your mind and a guy turned around went oh come on mate you could at least say something i was like oh but i wasn't

wasn't meant to do this nothing cuts deeper than the disappointment of a stranger yeah and so i had to go up and i mumbled my way through drunkenly mumbled my way through a speech that i wasn't meant to do yeah and it wasn't good it It was not good. Sarah, you're a last-minute call-up. Yes, yeah. What happened? Well, so we had a bit of a show at our wedding, actually. So my husband's got a group of golf mates, really good friends, and we invited all those good golf mates and, of course, all their partners.

And one of them, we knew had a new like girl that he just started seeing so we just put on his invite his name and partner because we didn't really know her or anything but we just thought well he could bring her but just before the wedding he got sick and um this partner who none of us had ever met before just rocked up to the wedding didn't know any of us didn't know anyone and it was just she just turned up to the wedding and she's in our photos and anyway the relationship didn't last long. I think it was only like not long after the wedding they broke up but it just cracked us up

that like she was still cool with being the shoo-in and coming on behalf of him despite not knowing anyone so yeah it's quite funny. Do you even remember her name? Yes, funnily enough I do because every time I look at the photos I think it was Michelle Can we just say shout out to Michelle

For stepping up, turning up to a wedding Not knowing a single person there Even getting in photos Legend What a legend There was a golf partner photo shoot Where all the golf wives wanted a photo And she's in it

It's just so funny, I look at it and I'm like, oh my gosh. I hope she had a great day. Even got on the wag snap. Good on her. There you go. Nickelback go, look at this photograph every time I do it, I laugh. Is that that situation for you, Sarah?

It absolutely is, actually. It was 20-something years ago and look, I'm laughing about it now. Good on you, Sarah. 4 was 20-something years ago, and look, I'm laughing about it now. So, yeah, good on you, Sarah. Hey, good on you, text here. Good on you, Sarah. 4487 text here. My boss threw me right under the bus. Last-minute call-up. I had to present to the board of directors because he was hungover.

And I hadn't prepared anything, says this text message. The Hits, the Jono and Ben podcast. Producer Taylor Montoya, come on down. You've got an issue with something that's on my phone, Producer Taylor. Now, we've all noticed this. We've all had conversations about this in the past, and we've accepted it now.

Right. We've accepted whatever feeble excuse. We'll give you the feeble excuses in a sec, but now you're new to the show, so you've just noticed something on Jono's phone. Yeah, and I was quite offended actually. So where I sit in the producer's booth, Jono, you left your phone there yesterday for quite some time. And I'm busy away working and this big light catches my eye in the corner. And I go, what's that? And this had been like

five minutes since you had left my area. And your phone was still open right on there. I could see everything on the screen. So that's my first bone to pick with you. Why do you not have an automatic lock on your phone? Open book. Open book. Anything you want to see on my phone, you can go and see it. Although you didn't know that it drains your battery.

No, I didn't. So often you are asking for charges later if we go away. Oh, my phone battery is almost gone. I didn't actually connect the two so there you go so if you don't if your phone doesn't automatically lock yeah i went on to my systems it was on never lock so i've put it on 30 second lock okay so i've learned that lesson yeah okay that's number one dealt with and number two your text is so, someone from the opposite studio across the building could read. It's UJ. It's like a billboard.

You drive along the Southern Motorway and you see those big signs, the road signs. It's like that. No difference. Here you go. The back story to that. This is if this washes. My friend Baz, many years ago, he said,

oh, I'm going to flip this on to another mode for you Easier to see, boomer mode And now my eyes Have adjusted to this mode That if I do read Normal sized text messages that you get When you turn on your phone It's like looking at a dictionary from a kilometre away

So my eyes Have just adjusted to boomer mode Yes it's big. I'll admit it. I'm not going to hide. And I want to love you've gone through multiple upgrades. The phone upgrades your phone, but you must still go back and go, oh, that text is a bit small.

And then make it larger for yourself. Big old text there. Oh, my God. Literally a legally blind person could read my text. It's so big. What happens when I send like three sentences? Does that take up like just pages and pages and pages? No, it's not too bad

Although, funny you mention that I was sitting behind a lady on the plane Literally she had one word per thing It was so big You're close to that Ultra boomer mode You are definitely close to that I want to upgrade to that mode

So this is what we want to chuck open 0800 the hits You're a young person Prime of your life, like me Prime of my life Forties me, you know? Prime of my life. 40s, just hitting the strides. But what old person thing are you doing and getting judged for?

Yeah, well, I'd love to hear from you this morning. We'll chuck out some hell pizza for you if you can chew it with your real teeth or your false teeth. You can do that as well. Like, how are you, like, peering out the curtains when you hear a bit of noise out on the street? Oh, yeah.

Like an old person. You know, people bending down and making a groaning noise, getting back up after picking up something. Those sorts of things. Are you starting to worry about your digestion? All right. 0800 the hits, 4487. 0800 the hits, what old person thing you're doing a little prematurely.

Great text through here. For some reason, I'm only 43, but I'm starting to get judgmental of younger generations. Yeah, that'll happen. I do that a bit too, but then I have to remind myself.

That was me a few years ago. Yeah. You know, we look at producer Joel every Monday and he comes in a shell of a human being. And he's, oh, you thought I'd just

go to work, drink, catch up with some mates and then went to brunch on a Sunday and then went to a nightclub at lunchtime, you know. Just free and easy. You know, remember those times?

Ben had to sit through nine performances, amateur performances, underage performances of cats on the weekend, Joel. Yeah. While you're just doing whatever you want whenever you can. A nightclub at lunchtime. Yeah. Yeah, it's quite easy. Embellish some of this.

Rebecca, we'll get you on from Tauranga. Welcome. How's things? Good. Yeah, you're turning prematurely old. How old are you? 37. Oh, okay. Just young. A spring chicken. What are

you doing that's old? Looking out the window, watching the traffic and calling people talking about the traffic. Like a traffic update. Can we call you tomorrow during the show and give us a traffic update? It's actually flowing quite well.

Oh, you're doing it now. Oh, you're doing it now. Okay. It's slowing. Okay. What road are you on in Tauranga? What's this report for? Yeah.

Fraser Street. Oh, yeah. Fraser Cove. Free-flowing traffic. So if I was leaving now to go to work, would you give it a bit? Or what were you thinking No I would go now Go now

Okay Good to know We should call you every morning And just get the Fraser Road Traffic update Oh that's brilliant Rebecca Really appreciate that I just thought as we were talking

There's another one that I I can't do nowadays Is I can't I have to stop myself From saying Young Young person cool things You know I can't pull nowadays is I can't, I have to stop myself from saying young, young person,

cool things. You know, I can't pull off like, Oh, slay. Yeah. Stuff like that. Extra.

Yeah. What's one Taylor Lou Taylor. You use one all the time. Set. I couldn't say set. I don't know what a set mean. What are we saying when we mean, what does set mean Joel?

I don't even think that's New Zealand thing. It's Australian. Just like, I don't know. Unless we're saying it in like, that was a good game of tennis. It was, you won that last set. That's probably, we can. It's Australian, just like, I don't know. Unless we're saying that was a good game of tennis, or you won that last set, that's probably, we can get away with that, you know?

The Riz, another one that just drives the kids crazy. Can't say that. So let's go to Rachel. You're on from Auckland. You're young, but you're doing something prematurely old, Rach. Well, actually, I'm 35. I'm still pretty youthful, but my husband, he's 37, and he started complaining about the young hooligans in our neighbourhood

doing wheelies on their bikes. And he's like, oh, these kids. Just on their bicycles? Yeah, they're just on their bikes. They're going down the middle of the road. Hooligans. Hooligans. Hooligans. Yeah.

Do you know Ben's granddad used to get the garden hose out and spray the skateboarders? Yeah, over the top of the fence. I was like, you can't do that, Grandpa. But he would. It's just going along the footpath. Maybe your husband can do that, Rachel. Get the old garden hose out on these hooligans. Yeah, I think I might have to hook him up with the hose. But yeah, he sounds like he's 67, honestly.

It does. It does. You're right. Really appreciate your call, mate. Thank you very much. Another text here, 4487. I wear sensible shoes 99% of the time. Love it.

That's good. Guys, I'm 31 and I've just bought an old man reclining chair. Oh, like a lazy boy. Yeah. I get irritated when the kids run up and down the hallway of our apartment building. Oh, person, thanks.