Jono, Ben & Megan - The Podcast - Show Highlights: Ben Lost His Dog... (kinda)

Episode Date: April 19, 2023

Ben had a big shock this morning! Exotic animal chat You should never care what people think about you. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

The Hits, with the Jono and Ben podcast. Thanks to Challenge, putting the service back into service stations. Kia ora, Jono and Ben podcast. This is thank you very much. With all of our heart and soul to Challenge Petrol Service Stations. Giving away a lot of petrol at the moment they are on the show. It's really lovely. Thank you for your support of the podcast and the show. It's great. We do appreciate the support. Now I know in radio, fax. Fax are a big part of a lot of radio shows. So I don't know if we want to dip our toes in there,

but I just thought of a good name for it if we did. Fact shaming. We could do like we each have a fact each, and then we can shame each other's fact, and the audience can decide who's the best. I love fact shaming. Who's the best fact. Yeah, that's a great idea. But I know

that fact to the fact. Facts and radio, you know. Well, facts machines that started out as, and then people got into daily facts today. The facts of the day, day, day. I mean, it's well-trodden territory. Get facts as a hodaki as well. You know, yeah, so I was like, but I thought

we wanted to do the facts of life. We may produce a bee hummus, buy a facts machine. Oh, for the facts of life. We made producer B hummers buy a fax machine. Oh, for the facts of life. Yes, we did. We got that hooked up and everything. Whatever happened to that fax machine? Still there, mate. There you go.

Still there. There you go. Can we fire the old girl up? I think we got rid of it. Yeah, no. You had to get a special line and stuff. Yeah, but you can do that. So that was, yeah.

And so people would send through fax. So we could do fax shaming. Yeah, is the other one. If you wanted to broaden it to fax. So that was, yeah. And so people would send through facts. So we could do facts shaming. Yeah, is the other one. If you wanted to broaden it to facts. Just to have our own. But anyway, yeah. What fact have we got? I feel like this is-

No, I haven't. I just thought I'd do it as a quick little thing. Just talk about it and it might be on tomorrow's podcast. Okay. Sorry, what's that? Sorry, Producer Joel's saying- Producer Joel's sort of whispering in areas Saying he's got a full book of facts If we want to use that as well

Oh great Oh there you go Could be something in it The facts in radio I'll give you a fact now Okay No number from 1 to 99 Includes the letter A in its word

That's mildly interesting No number from 1 to 99 When you spell it out Has the letter A in it. I don't know why I had to mansplain that. You clearly got what I was... Yeah, no, but it was good. Okay, well, it's good, but I meant to shame it. Oh, mate, who cares about your number?

That would be how the fact-shaming would work. Okay, we'll try and shame this. Many oranges are actually green. Oh. I haven't covered it. Here they go. This is why the segment's not going to work, I haven't covered Here they go I'll be really Really This is why the sequence

Is not going to work Because you're just going to You're going to be like Deep down secretly Quite impressed with the facts But then you have to go Oh It's why I never worked out

My rap battle career Even if I do a really good rap And I'd be like Oh But in my head I'd be like Oh it's really good It was really good

And it was the world's Worst freestyle rap Just being going Oh To hip hop music It was a good And it was the world's worst freestyle rap Just Ben going It was a fun podcast today Clark Gafford joins us as well You've got a rich history with Clark Gafford You used to work with Clark, didn't you?

I used to make a TV show for many years Back in the day In his house Yes, in his kitchen as well We'd make it in the kitchen flat So yeah, a big fish tank as well Didn't someone flush a power shell Down the kitchen flat. So yeah, a big fish tank as well. Didn't someone flush a power shell down the toilet by accident?

Yeah, that wasn't Clark. That was another person that we worked with. And the toilet was just not working. Not working, just kept flowing. It was that whole thing. And every time we'd go to the bathroom, we'd just get higher and higher the water level. And it's like, this is, if we try and flush down, it wouldn't work like that. Finally got a plumber around. But we've been talking to everyone in the flat um going has anyone any reason why and everyone's like no no i don't know what uh and then when the plumber came around the plumber full respect to their job got the hand in there oh they go to some dark places don't they and pulled out a power shell which had been sitting on top of the toilet and he goes here's your problem uh and then the other guy that we worked with was like, oh, yeah, yeah, that fell in when I was going to the bathroom.

I just tried to flush it. At no point did he mention that. You would have thought that could have been a reason why. But, you know, in that moment when he's gone, oh, dear God, it was the power show. Don't own up to it. No, that's true. He didn't have to come clean.

Yes, very good point. Could have been anyone else knocking it down, but he did own up to it, so good on him. As well as Clark on the podcast. We also talk about a hose that you got your, Ben's got a new show called Ben's Hose, and we'll get into the details of that because at the moment,

the top line probably doesn't sound too appealing. No, it's slightly better, but not much better than fact shaming. Enjoy that on the podcast and plenty more. The Hits, the Jono and Ben podcast. Of course it is the second week of the school holidays. Yeah, and speaking of which, the kid's desperate for ice cream, you know. Yeah.

No, there's no time of day, no conditions or no moment that a kid won't want an ice cream. Anyone under the age of 15 won't enjoy an ice cream. I think you're right. The only exception being Joel Hungry Harris, our producer, over the age of 20, who enjoy an ice cream. I think you're right. The only exception being Joel Hungry Harris now producer over the age of 20 who would have an ice cream at any time of day. But I took them along to, there's an ice cream parlor

just down the road and a lady came in with a skink lizard. Have you seen a Google skink if you don't know what a skink is this is one from the lizard

family and it was sort of on her shoulder was it quite big yeah it's relatively big I would say but it was

30 centimetre ruler from top to bottom and it was just kind of sitting on her shoulder and I mean lizards by nature

are very tonguey aren't they they really annihilate an ice cream sorry nothing so she'd taken the lizard to get an ice cream probably lick it away in about two seconds flat a lizard would be a great animal for it like for an ice ice cream eating competition yeah yeah uh but what over the years we've come into these types of people been exotic animal owners and i don't know what for whatever reason they want to put their exotic animal on you yes they're like hey you put my tarantula on your face normally with very little time for you to think about it yeah give my alligator a kiss no thanks and so then all of a

sudden she's oh hey you'll want to hold the skink and i'm thinking no i don't mind looking at it and all of a sudden the skinks on my back crawling up my neck and it's just making my skin crawl you know be how stormy daniels would have felt when donald trump was cuddling her exactly so you never quite relate like you're all tense and your shoulders are up when you got you know crazy animals crawling all over you. I had the same thing. Same situation happened to me with, I think it was a cockatoo bird, like a parrot bird.

We turned up to, we were going to some farmyard thing with the kids, and we turned up there, and as soon as I walked in the door, the guy's like, oh, you, you'll love this. And he just chucked the bird on my shoulder. I hadn't met the bird before. You don't look like a guy who would love a cockatoo on his shoulder. The bird's like sitting

on my shoulder and just sort of eyeballing me. Just eyeballing me as I'm looking at the bird. And I'm sort of like putting my head and my neck away from the bird

because I don't know. I don't know what this bird's going to do. The kids were like, you just look so tense. You're like, he's going to go me. He's got me.

No, I'm with you. I know. Some people, those people wander around with giant eagles on their forearm. Yeah. And the wings come in and they're like,

put the eagle on your forearm. No. No. Not with his giant claws. So this is what we want to chuck open this morning on New Zealand's Breakfast 0800 The Hits 4487.

Who has the most exotic animal listening right now? Yeah, as a pet, something that we'd say was obscure. Not a cat or a dog is what we're looking for. Have you got a dolphin swimming around in your power pool? Well, hopefully not. But we would take that call.

That would be interesting. Today's the day. New Zealand's largest Kmart store, 24-7 Kmart store is going to be opening in Manukau today. So the biggest one. There's already 24-7 ones. I love Kmart store, 24-7 Kmart store is going to be opening in Manukau today. So the biggest one. There's already 24-7 ones. I love Kmart at night.

You do. You go there at like 11.45 at night and I'm like, what psychopath shop at Kmart at nearly midnight? And now I'm looking at one. Yeah, and there is a lot of people some nights, yeah. I do wonder like at 2.30 in the morning who's like, jeez, I've got to go get myself some Manchester. A set of drawers.

What's gone wrong for you to go, jeez, I need to go there at that time? Your relationship's really crumbled if you haven't just shopped for a bedding that came out in the middle of the night. Hey, it got lumped with a skink on my shoulder yesterday in an ice cream parlour. That was very nice. I don't want to sound like i wasn't appreciative of the wild lizard crawling all over my neck from the lady who owned it but it's an unusual thing and as you say

before people that do have uh sort of unusual pets love sort of thrusting them upon you whether it's like oh it's a pet rat and you're like that yeah and you're like is this rabies laden frothing mouth rat with red eyes gonna sort of sort of bite onto my Adam's apple and not let go. That's my fear. Yeah. They're just going to go, we had a snake,

giant snake for a TV thing we were doing. Oh, that was in London, wasn't it? A python. Yeah. And it was on my shoulder. I thought, jeez, I'm going to have a stroke here. I thought you were having a stroke

because you didn't say anything for a long time. Because it was quite scary. We got laid over our shoulders and we didn't know this it's amazing that a you know a 15 kg python has that effect yeah totally i got here i was right with you she turned up with it the lady who owned it uh she'd taken the under the london underground train system uh just in a duffel bag the two pythons in a duffel bag yeah i think they were in sort of like tupperware or something, like little clacks or tupperware things. I was like, I don't know if that's, I'm not an expert,

but I don't know if that's how you transport snakes and just sort of have them in your backpack on a tube. But it was at a time where we didn't query animal rights and questions back in the day. Hey, Tim with us on the phone, Exotic Animals. Hi, Jono, Ben. What do you own, Tim? What sort of pet have you got

i've got a baby crea which is an alpaca oh also they grow so in their infant years they're known as creas are they they are and so how long have you had this to me so how did you get this and how long have you had an alpaca um I've had him since the beginning of December. What do you do for a job? I'm a real estate agent. Now Tim, do you take the alpaca to work or the creer to work? I do take him to work.

He often comes to our meetings. We've got a dog friendly office now a pet friendly office. Yeah, well you're really pushing the boundaries of Dog Friday. Someone's going to be wondering, have you met my new giraffe? I think I saw you were in OneRoof.co.nz, actually. You take your career, your alpaca, to open homes.

I do. Oh, that's pretty cool. It started off because he needed to be bottle fed and I have got a job to do, I started taking him with me and so he comes along to my open homes but he's a big hit. He's amazing. He loves people. Do you split the commission? No. You take that.

Because he's definitely bringing in some people, isn't he, the career? He definitely is. And it's quite interesting watching people's body language because often people are in a hurry. They've got three, four or five open homes to go to and they come rushing in and see Boris and all of a sudden they just slowed right down. You know, it's quite cool. I love the name Boris too.

What a cute name. Now, don't alpacas get a little spitty do they spit they spit at things eventually they do but i guess it's like dogs you know dogs bite but not all of them do so um with boris he's very affectionate and um so far hasn't had any reason to spit yeah i mean the last thing you want to do when you're signing over a contract you've just sold the house he launches a he launches a big one into the client's face. Yeah, you're right. Good on you, Tim.

We appreciate your time, mate. You're going to have a great day. You too. Bye-bye. The Hits, the Jono and Ben podcast. There's school holidays at the moment. Yesterday I went and cleaned my car. And you like to go to Wash World and clean your car as well, don't you?

Yeah, but I always end up in a big – listen to the hits actually yeah thank you for listening to wash world if you're washing your car at the moment they um i always end up in a big stressy soapy soap-sudded mess because you put coins in and you're water blasting you're soaping and stuff but it count the clock counts down does it does it does it puts a bit more like pressure on you doing it pressure than the hose but then i was like yeah I'm the same as you but then I'm like oh okay well I've kind of like it's a lot cheaper than getting someone else to do it so there's just just you can take a bit more of your time. And hey hopefully I've got another corner I can put back and extend another two minutes. But I noticed something yesterday where I had my daughter see an error

and she was helping me with it but when you're at the hose part of you know with high pressure hose it's a one person sort of job so one person's standing beside one person's got the hose and when you have the hose particularly when it's when you're kids next to you you're like they're everything in my mind is is is telling me not to spray it but then everything is at the same time saying oh you should just spray pull the trigger just a. Just a little bit. Yeah. Just a little bit. So I'm standing there and I'm like, after a while, I've just got to do it.

I've just got to whip around just quickly and just spray with the hose. Just, oh, you know, dad situation. See, this is why we need to stop

artificial intelligence. If we can't trust ourselves squirting another human being with a hose, then we're not ready for AI yet. Yeah. But then later on, I was like, well, she wanted a turn with it, it was fine. And then I was standing there and I was like,

well, I know it's going to happen. It's going to happen. She's going to have that same thing. It's retaliation. She's going to spray me with a hose. But for some reason, when you get sprayed with a hose, you get annoyed, even though I'd done it. I'm like, oh, you know, like it was sunny,

suddenly irritate me. You can't help it it's like when I go to the supermarket and I squeeze all the avocados I know I shouldn't do it I'm not even there

to buy avocados I just have to go there and start squeezing them but it's one of those things I think when it's in your hands it's great when it's someone else's it's not great

like a musical instrument when you are the person with a musical instrument and you're playing it badly it's great but when you know when someone else is doing it you're're like, oh my God, this is painful. This is tedious.

But I thought it would be a good game show. The hose. The hose. So basically you- Ben's hose. Yeah. Okay. H-O-S-E.

So you stand there. You put someone like yourself, John. Okay, you stand there. And I'm like, for every minute- So I'm a contestant like yourself, Jono. Okay, you stand there and I'm like for every minute. So I'm a contestant on the show. Okay, first question is Ben's hose. This show isn't what I thought it was going to be. But yeah, great to have you here, Jono.

So what happens? I'll give you a hose and then it's up to you. For every minute that you wait, you get more money by not spraying someone. Firstly, do you want to spray me? You can spray me. No, thanks. I'll advance on to the next round. Well, you've got to wait.

You've got to wait for a minute. You've got to wait there. You're like, I'm ready to go. And then do you bring out like, here's your boss you don't like. Yeah. Here's, I don't know, a politician that you, you know, whatever. Here's David Seymour. Yeah, exactly.

You bring them all out there and you bring them along and you see how long it'll take before you crack or whether you'd take the money. What do you reckon? Listen, I reckon there's something in Ben's hose. Get a picture to TVNZ, mate. Might be an on-demand offer. I feel like we need to work on the name. The hits.

The Jono and Ben podcast. There was a break-in at the zoo yesterday. We talked about it earlier. Auckland Zoo. Someone was swimming in the water next to the rhino thankfully the animals and the person are all okay but yeah wild what's the worst the worst thing you've swam in you've put your body in what would it be oh well the first that's not the worst thing but I actually swam in the dead sea in Israel over there oh you float you float? You just float?

I float, which was very unusual. Is that due to the amount of salt in the sea? I think it's, yeah, very salty. Yeah, yeah. You're a bit salty, mate. I'm very salty with you, mate, for bringing it up. Yeah. Was it cool?

It was actually cool. It was quite unusual. It felt like when you sometimes have a wetsuit or a life jacket sort of situation. Oh, you're quite buoyant. You're a little bit more buoyant. So, yeah. I mean, I float. I'm pretty light anyway.

You're like a little twig sitting on top. But that wasn't the worst thing. But that was what popped into my head. Was it warm? I don't remember being particularly warm. Just floaty. But floaty, yeah. Floaty in nature.

Now it's sort of midweek stuff. I've found something on the internet which I think will change the course of not only your life ben boyce you salty son of a gun uh but also you listening as well okay this is morbid but also thought-provoking at the same time okay have a listen do you know what happens after your funeral in a few short hours the crying will die down and your family will be busy making arrangements for food or drink. Some of your friends and relatives will start discussing current affairs over coffee.

Others will call your family saying that they couldn't make it in person due to an emergency. Your employer will begin to search for your replacement. And in a few days, your kids will go back to school or work because their bereavement leave has ended in a month Your spouse will be watching a comedy or TV show Laughing as if you were never there You'll be forgotten at such an astonishing pace and if people will forget you so easily Then who are you living your life for? You spent your whole life concerned about what other people would think about you When in reality

Nobody even cares God It starts off It starts off bleak Do I feel better or worse after that? It's quite a bleak reflection But interesting And true

So true Why do you care what anyone else thinks of you? Because they're not going to care about you in about 10 minutes, mate, after you're dead. Just on the record, I want it to be known, I want you to have 12 months of grieving when I die. Take a year off work to recoup. Tell Amanda, your wife, she's got to have a 12 month... Everyone, everyone in this room. Am I fully paid?

No, not paid. No, this is just grieving time, mate. I'd like to be fully paid. I'll take 12 months off. What happens if I watch a comedy show? Can I laugh at that or not? No, not paid. No, this is just grieving time, mate. I'd like to be fully paid. I'll take 12 months off. What happens if I watch a comedy show? Can I laugh at that or not? No, nothing. Just sobbing, uncontrollable sobbing for a year straight.

But it's an interesting thing to think about, isn't it? Why do you care what other people think about you? At the end of the day, it doesn't matter. Human nature, to a lot of extent, and some people are very good at not worrying about that, but it's probably the few rather than the many. Yeah, I mean, you all want to think that when you pass away, there's going to be a state funeral or that sort of thing, but it's not.

Well, maybe that's just me, but it's not the case. The other thing, too, about dying, which our friend has a really good theory on, is when you're on a plane and he sees someone famous walk on, he's like, well, if this plane goes down, that famous person's getting all the headlines. The headlines. Mike Hosking dies, you know, sort of thing.

We caught a plane, without a word of a lie, we caught a plane from Palmerston North to Auckland. We were sitting on there. Guess who walks on? Bloody Jeremy Wells. We're like, well, if this thing's going down, Wells has got all the headlines, doesn't he? We're on the same plane as Jason Derulo. Remember that?

That wouldn't have been a... So here's the thing. You see a famous Perkin walk on the plane, you walk off because you're not going to get any media coverage. Very, very full-on start to the day. Got a text from you. Sorry, guys. Running late. Dog issues.

I don't like to be running late. I was actually on time nice and early about to leave the house and I've got a big, you know, we've got a big white fluffy Samoy dog,

Bo, and he does like to sleep outside a lot of the time. Well, there's so much hair on him. There's about 29 kgs of hair on the poor guy. I kind of think that

when I'm walking him sometimes, it's pretty much like walking with a big fur coat, the poor, you know. Yeah, he looks like a pimp. He does.

A four-legged pimp. He does. So we've got a gate. We've got a gate that we shut at night because obviously we try to keep the dog in. And when I went to leave this morning, the gates were wide open. So they'd been open all night. And I was like, uh-oh. And so the dog was, I was like, oh, he must be outside or looking around.

I can't see him anywhere. So I was like, I'll quickly go back inside and see if I can find him anywhere. Now, normally he would sleep in the kids' room. So I went to the kids' room. I'm kind of shining the phone torch around, you know. You don't want to disturb people. You go, shout out to all the burglars who actually break into people's houses while they're sleeping. I know.

That takes some masterful skill. So I couldn't find him anywhere. And I'm like, oh, I'm going to have to wake up my wife and say. And you're like, oh, let the dogs out. Oh, I should have. I should have. I really wish find them anywhere. And I'm like, oh, I'm going to have to wake up my wife and say. And you're like, who let the dogs out? I should have. I should have. I really wish I should have. She wouldn't have appreciated it in the moment.

No, she wouldn't have. Yeah. But that was the thing. When you're having a conversation with someone who's half asleep, I was like, hey, hey, sorry. Did you shut the gate last night? And she's like, yeah, I shut it. And I'm like, wait, clearly you didn't.

It's funny how when you're talking to someone who's sleeping, you put on your sleepy voice. I do. Hey, hey, hey. Because you want them to be. But you're fully awake. There you go. I was like, well, this dog's not outside.

I don't know where he is. And she's like, I don't know where he is. And I was like, oh, that was no help at all, really. I've just kind of half-woke you up, and you're not getting out of bed to help me. Come in to sleep. No good to me. So then I kind of went, I'll do one more lap of everything outside around the sort of road

and neighborhood back through the kids rooms and then I went we got sort of an officey spare room as we sort of walked out there and I was like oh maybe I should check that and there he is sleeping for some reason there fast asleep I was like he's never been in there before no I've never never fallen asleep in there he's sort of like coming in with a torchlight on him. He's looking at me like, what are you doing? Who let the dogs in? I should have gone with that. Damn it.

I had a great opportunity to start my day with Baja Men and who let the dogs in. Do you know what is really, I don't know if this is some sort of psychic intuition. Yeah. But this morning I was up walking around and I thought to myself, someone's going to lose a dog today. That's what I thought. Did you?

Yeah. Was that a word of a lie? Well, thankfully I haven't lost it. Is that cool? That's a pretty shitty psychic intuition. Someone's going to lose a dog today. Of course they are. Dogs get lost every day.

I did. Well, hopefully it's me. I lost a dog, but I found the dog because I'd hate for that to happen to anyone else and actually lose a dog today. Of course they are. Dogs get lost every day. I did. Well, hopefully it's me. I lost a dog, but I found the dog because I'd hate for that to happen to anyone else and actually lose the dog. But yeah. But my dog's very, like, it just, I've talked to him before. We had a courier come around. They opened up the van.

He hopped in the van with the courier. Like, he would go with anyone, really. He has no loyalty to you. No, that's what I think.