Jono, Ben & Megan - The Podcast - Show Highlights: Ben Loves The Latex

Episode Date: August 31, 2023

Is linen the worst material? The best best weekend caller Laura Mcgoldrick has a big surprise for one of the team members! See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

The hits with the Jono and Ben podcast. Thanks to Challenge, putting the service back into service stations. The best song ever was decided yesterday, voted by you, and it's a song that, well, it's won before. Bon Jovi took it out after many intense rounds. Not even halfway, it went all the way there. It did, yeah. Yeah, right, halfway, so well done to Bon Jovi. I think when they do, because they do music testing and stuff for every radio station

and they ask people what sort of music they want to hear and that, I think, comes out number one in the testing all the time. You've been loving it. We've been emceeing some stuff, like introducing some awards recently and you've been loving getting the man in charge or the person in charge of the AV, the audio.

You're like, mate, we're going to play some Bon Jovi midway through. We're going to get the whole audience up to see it. When you're halfway through the awards ceremony, you play it. Getting everyone up. Bring us to the house down. Clapping. Everyone out of your seats. I feel like one of those crazy motivational speakers

who comes out on stage clapping over their head. It does actually work. Everyone does love that song, clearly. It's one of the best songs ever. We'll be playing it in its entirety just after 8 o'clock this morning. Now, Friday night too, a lot of people heading out, aren't they? Wearing their good clothes. And we got into a conversation during the week.

Someone had, was it you, Joel? Producer Joel, wearing a linen shirt. Maybe. It came off the back of, I think. Oh, you, behind you. I'm wearing it in the billboards that you can see around the country for the hits. I'm wearing it on my yellow linen shirt, which I do love. Yeah, I mean, linen looks fantastic.

Don't get me wrong. But it would have to be up there as one of the most inconvenient fabrics in the fashion game, wouldn't it? Because as soon as you sit down, the shirt looks like it's been through a car crusher. It's so wrinkly like you iron it and then by the time you leave the house you're like oh well this looks terrible now it doesn't the trick is just not sitting down just standing and walking like almost like a a member of a communist army straight legs straight arms don't move and when you go to dinner everyone else sits down you just stand up keep it wrinkle free i was gonna roll

double double linen all right on my wedding i like the shirt and pants because we got married in fiji and i ordered online that is that's an overdosed and linda it did look stunning i wanted you know four for me and my groomsmen and i and then it arrived and it was a shock it was oversized it was but it was just you know put it on i'm like just, you know, put it on. I'm like, oh, my God. It looks like I'm wearing, I'm like terrible pajamas. Not even the Backstreet Boys would wear the clothes I was wearing. So I took it. Boys to men would have pulled off a full linen suit.

Yeah. But I took it to the clothing brand. I was like, well, there you go. That's someone else's problem now. There's four very exquisitely dressed homeless people wandering around. I hope they're all wandering around together in a group. What's your other favorite fabric? Latex, isn't it, for you?

Oh, here we go. Who's having the best weekend? And we put the North and the South up against each other with Connor and Hayley first. And before we find out from you on 0800 The Hits, who's having the best weekend? Connor and Hayley, very competitive. A lot of disdain for each other, don't they?

Kind of like when they make Amber Heard and Johnny Depp look like Art and Matilda, these two. Connor, you're on in Christchurch. How are you this morning, mate? Good. Frosty here. The moon's looking gorgeous. Have you popped outside and had a look? No, I said before 7 o'clock. I couldn't even be bothered lifting my head up to look at this amazing moon. But there's a good photo in the paper. Oh good, I'm glad. Can I be honest? This country needs to do a better job of Father's

Day events, because I've been scanning around, even the North Island, there seems to be a real lack of dad appreciation stuff going on. It's disappointing. It's kind of just another day, I think, for most households, isn't it? Yeah, that seems to be the case. What you can do, though, you can pre-game the Father's Day tomorrow

in Christchurch with fire on High Street. They're shutting down High Street in Christchurch, and you've got 16 of the best chefs in Christchurch providing some of the best food there is out there. Slow-cooked whole hog, how good would that be as a dad? Akaroa salmon, hot dogs, vegan plantation, if you're into that stuff personally. Anyway, Korean short rib.

You've got barbecue, the list goes on. It's going to be amazing. Food, fire, and even some beers as well. And Smash Palace. Top 16 chefs in Christchurch, you feel? And spare a thought for number 17. Didn't quite make the cut for the event, but that's amazing. What else have we got going on in the South Conner?

Well, a doggy mini market this Sunday. The Vines Village in Blenheim is hosting that. It's the perfect event for doggo dads. So you can bring your pooches down and treat them with some treats, toys, puppuccinos, maybe even get a cuppuccino yourself and much more. So dads, again, don't win here, but their dogs do. So surely the dad gets some pleasure out of that. So you couldn't get a more pretentious sounding drink than a

puppuccino. Love it. Now, Producer Taylor's got a little sausage dog, Louie. Louie would have a puppuccino. Louie would have puppuccinos, wouldn't he? Yeah, Louie's in here this morning, Connor. Oh, hi, Louie. I'd better go make him a puppuccino. Hey, well, thank you very much, but is there

anything else happening in the South? Well, I'll just throw this out there. Cam and Sam, you haven't heard of them, but you've heard of Billy Joel and Elton John. Cam and Sam turn in to Elton John and Billy Joel, and they go head-to-head at the Regent Theatre in Greymouth, 7pm. I believe that is tonight in Greymouth. The mouth. Oh, that's good. Cam and Sam sounds like a wonderful breakfast radio show as well.

It does. It's better than John Owen Baird, that's for sure. Yeah, Cam and Sam in the morning. Good on you, Connor. We'll head to the north, the wonderful Hayley in Wellington. Morena. Morena. It's hard to follow puppuccinos, isn't it?

It is. What have you got? Cam and Sam and puppuccinos, baby. Well, sticking to the theme, not quite on Father's Day, but the spring theme, pinch and a punch for the first of the month. First day of spring, we have the Spring Festival kicking off in the Wellington Botanic Gardens. And what's the one, well, one of the most important things about spring? Allergies.

Close. The bees. Oh, the bees. Yeah, you can actually go to the Botanic Pavilion and see honeybees up close in a viewing hive. It sounds boring. There's delicious honey to taste, though, and you can actually see what the bees do with the sticky pollen on their feet and where they go in the hive to the queen.

You haven't made it sound any more exciting. Okay, look, please give me a second chance. Spring fling starts in Hawke's Bay. Okay, spring festival, Hawke's Bay, Taniwha daffodils, beautiful daffodil farm. Picture this, you've got 20 acres, sunshine, paddocks are a sea of gold, you've got beautiful daffodils, and they're actually inviting people this weekend to take a picnic,

take a bucket, fill a bucket full of daffodils. Perfect way to start spring. Well, okay, so we've got bees, daffodils, Cam and Sam, 16 great chefs. Ben Boyce, over to you. Oh, don't. Who is having the best weekend? Is it the North or South? Think about the bees.

Think about the bees. They're a lifeblood of the ecosystem. All right, Hayley, because you're bee propaganda. But I really want to go see Cam and Sam at the mouth in Greymouth you know that's

what I want to see. Yeah we all do. So I don't know what the result is here. The result is we've had a

wonderful chat. He can't ever pick a winner. This guy. Well done you both win. People pleaser. He's a people

pleaser. We've got producer Taylor in here this morning with your dog as well. Louis back again with his big sort of, it's like a new version of a cone around his head but not a cone. He's in operation right?

It's a bit like a hyena vibes right? Yeah he's got a big circle Looks like Saturn the planet. Yeah he does look like Saturn. So he doesn't lick himself. He's a little sausage dog. Looks like Saturn, the planet. Yeah, he does look like Saturn. So he doesn't lick himself. He's a little sausage dog. Very cute.

I think we're starting to form a bit of a bond with Louie. I think so. Slowly, eh? He's got trust issues. But he seems to like you. I brought him in to talk to you now because when you go away, what do you do with your dog? I'm very lucky because he's got a best friend who's also a sausage dog um so he'll just go stay at their house oh that's like his friends might actually got a little dog like yours and they went away

uh just recently went for a tropical holiday went away with the family and they gave their dog to her parents to look after for a week looking after the dog and what she failed to do she thought she had but she hadn't. She hadn't told them that was particular medication this dog should take because it gets quite an upset tummy if you feed it particular food that she'd given. Dogs are precious, though. There are some very precious dogs. But I think that's on us.

I think we turn them into these precious beings. We have a friend who, like, she would come to work and leave the dog watching, like, YouTube videos of dogs roaming forests. Decide what sort of things that the dog wanted to watch you're right well i don't think the dog's in a mood for a bit of big big bang theory today or something you're like what is the dog watching six hours of dogs run that's like me just watching people do exercise and sitting on the couch isn't it yeah but the dog's got a sensitive stomach my friend and she was saying she forgot well she Well, she thought she did, but she's saying, okay, maybe I forgot to tell my mum that the dog needed this medication.

Mum went to bed, and mum and her dad went to bed, woke up in the morning, and they said that everywhere. I'll say chocolate sauce because it's a nicer way of saying it, just chocolate sauce everywhere. White carpet from one end of the lounge to the kitchen, just like everywhere just like furniture of everything and they're like oh my goodness they're away on the holiday they're like let's not bug them but there's nothing they can do now let's just get a rug doctor let's just

clean this up the bloody rug doctor saved a few people but then you're like geez the amount of stuff the rug doctor sucked up the communal supermarket rug doctor i know and then you go and put it on your rugs what are we doing uh but then she said that uh what didn't stop there because night two same thing same same situation the parents went to bed woke up in the morning there's a literal storm yeah even the curtains that touched the ground, the blinds, they were sort of dipped. It was like, how did this one little dog create this? Just a mess everywhere. And she was like, oh, my God.

When my mum told me, I was just like, oh. Burn the house. Burn the house down. That was like the only option. And they're not even paying for the dog sitter. It's the parents. It's just the parents taking out the kindness of their heart. That's one of those options where they're like,

who let the dogs out? And you're like, it was me. It was definitely me. Come and have a look inside. We couldn't live with that thing anymore. Yeah. So, yeah, Louis is not suffering from the same thing. No, well, not yet.

He did have his – he can only eat 5% beef mince fat. So because I once gave him 15% in a similar situation. Well, but how do you know the percentage? You know, from countdown, it's got 5%, 10% fat him 15% in a similar situation. But how do you know the percentage? You know, from countdown, it's got 5%, 10% fat, 15% fat. Can I apologise to just dogs? Yeah. We've turned you into something. Yeah.

You know, your forefathers would be very embarrassed of you right now. The Hits, the Jono and Ben podcast. Well, speaking of work, a friend of ours, she didn't want to. There was a work function last night. And so she said she was on a Zoom meeting at work in the morning and she was pretending to be sick. So she planted the seed the day before. Yeah. Which is great because you want to.

If you are going to pull a sickie, you really do need to. You need to telegraph it don't you ahead of time yeah yeah I feel like some people do that from time to time a day or two out

they'll be like just let you know oh I'm getting a bit of a sore throat or something just sort of the steps in I always believe that you feel like

no one's ever sick and they're always lying you don't trust anyone I'm quite suspicious you would be the worst boss ever you'd be like turning up at their sick and they're always lying you don't trust anyone suspicious you would be the worst boss ever yeah you'd be like turning up at their house oh yeah yeah oh you said you had open heart surgery yeah I'm literally on the surgeon's table right now are you I haven't seen him cut you open yet yeah uh or she uh the surgeon as well that's right anyone could be a surgeon

nowadays it's fantastic but my friend was like I needed to keep up the charade. So she went to the level on the Zoom meeting, because she could still work from home, of putting red mascara around her eyes. Oh, so looking a bit bloodshot. And even, even the level of vaseline-ing under her eyes. Oh, that's commitment.

Jeez, you're in deep when you're vaseline-ing your eyes. Yeah. Is this worth it? Yeah. Is this worth it? Just. Is this worth it? Just have shiny eyes and look sick? Well, I guess it gives the appearance.

If you look amazing on the Zoom thing, they're going to go, oh, look, you look fine. She was like her brother when they were growing up. They used to try and get off school. He hated going to school. And he would pee into a bowl and pretend it was vomit or stomach bile. Oh. Oh. And they're like, oh, look, Mum.

Look, Mum. Come in with a warm bowl. And she mixed a cake out of that bowl. Yeah. Someone was saying that to me the other day about the bowls that got used. Some people would use them for being sick. Oh, like the silver bowls, yeah. And then putting them back into circulation in the kitchen.

Like, what's that? What's that? We did not think about that, Jack. No. I was like, sure, mum might have done that as well. Now it's like, well, you grab a bucket or something. It's not going to go in circulation. You're not going to be putting a salad in the next time.

Whisking the scrambled eggs away after. Yeah. Worrying, worrying times. You pulled a sickie once, but then you got caught on television, didn't you, at the cricket? Oh, yeah, that's right That's probably why I'm so suspect That was when I was at school

Yeah, and the camera guy Right in there with me and my mate Were like, go away, mate Go away Leave us alone He's trying to fuck with us You're not looking like You're supporting the team

No You're not supporting us Yeah, so You've got to be careful Togs, togs, togs Undies You know I can't Grab your fish chips

Let me know Friday Flashback Flashback To look at something iconic Dogs, dogs, dogs, undies. You know I can't grab your cash chips. Net minute. Friday. Flashback. Flashback to a look at something iconic from back in the day on a Friday. Jeez, we're really flashing back. We're talking landlines just three minutes ago, Ben. What a retrospective show this is.

And taking it back to the biscuit industry too, 1999 was the year and Toffee Pops Was the biscuit Now the commercial featured A lady in white silk Draped over a couch Seductively placing Toffee Pops Into her mouth Candles were on, the fire was blaring It was a wonderful romantic scene

This music was playing She's eating Toffee Pops Something is about to happen Who was approaching the room? Who was coming down the stairs? All side a robe Rugby all black playing legend Carlos Spencer

White boxer shorts He had a white juicing gown He hadn't even tied it up He was free and flowing All you could see was his torso And she's giving him very seductive eyes But then she stops eating the toffee pops So that it sort of snaps back to reality.

And her chubby, ugly husband jumps into frame and that's kind of me. Poor guy got the role of that one. He was like, what am I playing? We need a chubby, ugly guy, mate. Who's the other one? Carlos Spencer. Oh, so I'm...

You're what happens when she stops eating the Toffee Pops. Yeah. Yeah, so it was a huge commercial. And we got to speak to Carlos Spencer the other day. We actually didn't play this. You asked him. You asked about the Toffee Pops commercial and if he still gets asked about it.

Yeah, every now and then I do. Just random people, you know, if I'm in a conversation, we'll bring it up. Yeah, so it's still brought up to this day. So I'm not sure how long that's going to carry on for. The irony was you had a body of a guy who's never eaten one toffee pop in his life. Nah, come on, bro.

You see them all the time, bro. Still do. Do they give you a lifetime supply of toffee pops? Nah. They didn't even give me a free packet. But it was in 1999, I think it was, as well. What did the teammates say when you did this? Back then, they would have been giving me a whole lot of crap, that's for sure.

I was reading that someone said it was the horniest biscuit ad ever in New Zealand, and I think they're right, it was. Oh, you know, I don't know if we need to go do it. That was an awesome time. Carlos, it's always good to catch up buddy And the show looks awesome Yeah Chop brothers He's doing a new show by the way

Yeah It's not just a show on toffee pops He's doing a show when he's Lost in France Around France with Matua Parkinson There we go That's why that makes sense now But you know the biscuit industry

At some point they all decided we're going to make these very sexualized food, aren't they? I mean, when I eat chocolate biscuits, it's anything but sexy. I'm like shoveling them in my face, three quarters through the pack, and I just sit on the couch in a stomach full of guilt. Yeah, well, hey, it was a sexy time.

The Hits, the Jono and Ben podcast. Now, Producer Joel, he's very nervous in his Warriors top that he is wearing today to work. It's pretty much every day. It seems like it's the Warriors uniform and his uniform, but it's nervous. All he does, honestly, all he does is, in terms of the percentage of producing to searching

for vintage Warriors tops on Trade Me, I would say it's probably a 70-30 split, Ben. Yeah. 70% being looking at Warriors tops on Trade Me. I would say it's probably a 70-30 split, Ben. Yeah. 70% being looking at Warriors tops on Trade Me. 30% of working, but we've had something written in the shared run sheet all morning, a surprise for Joel, and he's been quite nervous about what the surprise is.

He's getting red-faced. He's like, what are you stitching me up with? What is going on here? Now, you do have, what's Warriors top is that? Is that 1995, is it? This is 1994, actually, a year before they even started in the rugby league. He paid, what, $9,000 for that jersey?

More money than I would have hoped. But, hey, the Warrior's going well. It's probably gone up in value since I bought it, which is great. Now, we've bought the wonderful Laura McGoldrick, you know, from Brad and Laura in the afternoon, and also Sky Sports commentator at the Warriors. Laura, welcome. Kia ora, team.

How are we? Good. Well, we're going to hand the floor over to you. I'm so thrilled. Joel, great to hear about the 94 jersey. Really thrilled for you. Sounds expensive.

It sounds like you don't have a lot of money for food at the moment. So the boys alluded to the fact that I do obviously work on the Warriors because you can be feedback on that week to week, which you know I appreciate. Do you give her commentator feedback do you? Positive, I just say I love love your work Laura I've loved love seeing you grow over the season it's been awesome. Wow wow. You've really flowered, you've blossomed. And at 34, 10 years into the job. Really, it's about time.

Joel, so I've actually been asked this year to host the Warriors end of year dinner, which is where they announce all the big awards for the night. And I've also been asked if I wanted to take a date. And I thought, seeing as you've been nothing but positive toward me throughout the season, my campaign so far, and you've got, of course, the 94 Warriors jersey on today. I wondered if you'd like to be my date to the Warriors interview dinner.

Yes, 100%. Monday night. This Monday. This Monday night. Now, Joel, if you blow ass on this thing, I'll never take you anywhere again. Do you understand? Her reputation's on the line for you right now.

It's massively on the line. There's a couple of things that you'll need to do. One, you can't wear that jersey. You'll need to get yourself a suit. Okay, yeah. Two, you'll have to hold my hand back. And three, you're on Instagram content all night. So as long as you're okay with it, you will be slightly on the clock.

But hey, there's a free fee. And if we're buying all these jerseys, I see that as a real plus. And every player from the Warriors will be there. Every player from the Warriors will be there, and they will be awarded, obviously. The player of the year gets awarded. The coach of the year. There's obviously all of those good things.

Everyone will be there. Slightly on edge because we're coming into finals footy now, but they will be there, and you can fangirl over them as much as you like. Lock it in. But you just have to hold my handbag. I'll be there. I'll be there.

Thank you so much, Laura. I just need to go ask our netball coach if I can miss social netball this Monday. Don't worry about social netball, mate. This is going to be maybe either the greatest or worst thing you've ever done, Laura. Yeah, I have some regret already. But it's up to us.

And I believe that you're a big fan of theirs, Charles. So, hey, I'm sure that we should have you there. Well done, mate. You're going. Ah, so awesome. Can we get you a Warriors tuxedo or something? This is probably going to be the biggest mistake Laurie's ever made, but I'm looking forward to it.

Hey, I should find my Looney Tunes outfit that I wore to this game. I don't think I still got it. Ben got a duvet set made into a suit with Looney Tunes characters. Oh, that's all very exciting for you. Worrying for everyone else in the room, but hey, very exciting for you. And very punishing for all the Warriors players. But at least Joel's dreams are coming true. The Hits, the Jono and Ben podcast.

Thanks to Dilma, we reward our favourite call of the week with a Dilma tea price back in $250. Yeah, and this one actually didn't even make it to terrestrial radio, Ben. Until now. From our Burner Phone podcast where we get voicemails and we talk about them. You can text BURNER to 4487 if you want to leave us a voicemail. But we had this wonderful lady from Taranaki phone up, Tanya. Bono and Jono and Ben, sorry.

I'm just cooking some mussels up. A nice saffron cream sauce Anywho When you do call me Make sure you say Yo, who dis? And I'll say of course Who dat?

So she was hilarious And we're like Oh we'll call her And behind the scenes I was calling her She didn't answer I called her again You just kept calling her

That's what I do on radio That's what I've learned over 23 years. Just keep pestering people. You're like, I'll call one more time and then I think producer Taylor had called her twice. It was a barrage of phone calls that just happened. In the space of like 60 to 90 seconds. Yeah. Finally Tanya picked up.

Who the f*** is this constantly harassing my phone? Oh hello, it's just Jono and Ben. Oh f*** is this constantly harassing my phone? Oh, hello. It's just Jono and Ben. Oh, f***. Oh, my God. I am so sorry. I was like, geez, how are we talking?

Good morning. I'm sorry. I woke up on the wrong side of the bed again. Geez. I'm so sorry. That's all right. Don't be sorry. on the wrong side of the bed again. Jeez. I'm so sorry. That's all right. Don't be sorry. It's all good.

Well, Jono tried multiple times. He tried you from the normal line, then the hot line, and then from another line. He said, I'll try one more time. And he pushed it too far, didn't he? That's all me, Tanya. I'm so sorry.

Don't be sorry don't apologise it's made our day it's been great that was the best I think the best phone answer I've ever had so that was

that was Tanya and she joins us back on the phone now yes thank you do you know what don't apologise that was hilarious

you've provided us with so much entertainment this week that we're going to make you our caller of the week. Thanks to Dilmati, we're going to give you $250 and a Dilmati prize pack. Oh, wow. Thank you. No, thank you. You've provided so much for the Burn a Phone podcast

throughout the week. It's not often you answer the phone abusing someone and they pay you $250. I know. Lucky girl or something. Well done, Tanya. I really appreciate you love your personality thank you and i'm glad you called again that last time good on you tanya you're gonna have a great day okay you too thank you just made my day actually