Jono, Ben & Megan - The Podcast - Show Highlights: Ben Took A White Bullet To The Eye..

Episode Date: June 14, 2023

Ben's sunscreen accident.. Jono found someone in his kitchen late at night We found a lady who left her keys in Tonga.. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

The Hits, with the Jono and Ben podcast. Thanks to Challenge, putting the service back into service stations. 1.30 last night, or this morning actually, get woken up. Jennifer, there's someone in the kitchen. And you know when you're woken up by your partner, they are adamant. There's someone outside. There's someone in the kitchen. I can hear things. And Ben, we've spoken about this before. We're like, oh, we'll let them come in and take what they want. Hopefully our insurance is up to date.

Let them be. Yeah. I'm not. I don't have many skills. I don't even, you know, Liam Neeson was on the movie and he was like, I've got a particular set of skills. I've got none of those. My skills are annoying people on the radio.

Not stopping people fossicking around in the house. But inevitably it falls on me to go and check the noise. And you go down there. You're trying to act confident. But you're anything but.

And you slowly open the door and you can't. I could hear a noise. And at which point you... Was the light on? Did it know? No, lights were off. Lights were off. And someone's knocked on our door in the middle of the night previously, many years ago.

And I always put on a voice that's like, who's there? Yeah. Who's there? You try and make yourself sound... Yeah. And so I did the... Hello, who's there? And I opened the door

and it was the dog. It was the dog humping a pillow. Oh, really? Really giving it all he could. 1.30 in the morning. There was a quiet moment

in the middle of the night. He was asleep. And the cage was rattling back and forth. Exactly. I'm like, if there's any time of day, appropriate time of day

for the dog to do that, he's like, I've got my privacy. Yeah. And the look on a dog's face when dog to do that, he's like, I've got my privacy. And the look on a dog's face when you catch them, they're just like, they know that they shouldn't be doing it. Well, they don't like to be caught doing that. You know, there's that. And then when they're doing number twos as well.

Nothing quite like the look in their eyes of like, oh, please go away. No one needs to see this. Let me have a moment. The Hits, the Jono and Ben podcast. And then tomorrow we're going to be in Cambridge doing the whole show out of a cafe there. Free cuppers all morning from six till nine. It's called The Deli on the Corner in Cambridge.

Does the hippo get up early for a breakfast appearance? Maybe a quick breakfast appearance. Shake of a hand, kiss of a baby. Your big concern is blending in at field days. And this is my first piece of advice. I'm no expert in the area, but maybe not turning up with a giant hippopotamus might be a good option. Yeah, true. That's going to draw attention to ourselves.

Yeah. So people have been helping us out since 6 o'clock this morning, just texting in a bit of advice. What to say, what to do, what to wear, all those sorts of things. City slickers, you know, can't stand out. Renee! Good morning. Howdy. Howdy, partner.

Would that work at field days, a howdy partner? Oh, it might. It's an American. We're worried. Renee's like, howdy partner's definitely not going to work. A couple of hours, we're going to be there. We've got some gumboots. They're quite brand new.

I don't know if we're going to fit in. We've always had fun at the Field Days. We're looking forward to it. But what can we do? Look, the new gumboots won't look out of place. Us farmers have going-to-town gumboots. Oh. So these are our going-to-town ones.

Yeah. So you'll fit in. It'll be fine. Oh, good. Yeah, right. Your dinner gumboots. Don't ask how much rainfall we've had this season. Okay.

Has it been good or bad? Can I ask now? It's been really bad. Yeah, we've had a lot of rain. Too much? Too much rain. Way too much. So you could even come in, you could bring the topic up going,

geez, bloody rain. Too much? Yeah, you could do that. Yep, that would get a good conversation started. Okay, here's another one. Bloody Greens. That would start a conversation. There you go.

Yeah, no, we're doing well. How about Bloody Labour? That will fire us up. Yeah, great. Can we park our electric car when we get down there? Do they have a little... You wouldn't have made it, Bill J. Yeah, great. Where can we park our electric car when we get down there? Do they have a little... You wouldn't have made it. Yeah. Oh, well, hey, Renee, are you heading along? Yes, I'm

with my husband and our four kids, and I'm taking my nephew today, and we're on our way there now. Oh, awesome. Well, we'll hope to see you there. We're going to be there this afternoon. We're going to have our hippopotamus, our hippo mascot. Well, hopefully that'll fit in right down there. Get a photo with it and you can win some money. Awesome. We'll see you there. The Hits, the Jono and Ben podcast. Good gene weather, isn't it? Have you heard the ads on the radio? Oh, you know, five minute shower ads. We've all heard about those.

That was the government, right? Yeah, National's been trading off that. We wouldn't make you have five minute showers. You know, they've hooked their political claws into that. But there's another one too, a cost-saving one. Have you heard this? There's a lovely, friendly lady saying, Hey, don't wash your jeans after every time you wear them. Wash them after every ten times you save on water costs with your washing machine.

Now, I thought ten times feels like you're really pushing the boundary of your trousers, doesn't it? Although, isn't there the story that Levi Strauss himself didn't wash his jeans? I investigated this. Yeah, like, he had them outside or something, put them in the sun, and that's the way you're meant to clean them. I don't know if that's true or not. It was the CEO, Chip Berg. Oh, was it? Okay. Chip Berg came out last year.

He's like, I haven't washed a pair of- Sorry, I credited it to Levi Strauss. I mean, it's his company. Yeah, right. If it is a real person, I just presume it is, but maybe it wasn't. Sounds like it might have been two people, Levi and Strauss. But anyway, he's had a great career in the jean industry. But Chip Berg came out and he's like, I haven't washed a pair of Levi's in over 10 years.

I'm like, shut up, Chip. You get a free pair of Levi's every day, probably. That's why you haven't washed a pair of Levi's in over 10 years. I'm like, shut up, Chip. You get a free pair of Levi's every day, probably. That's why you haven't washed every year. But no, apparently, it's the way to do it. There was an investigation by a University of Alberta student. Didn't wash his jeans for 15 months straight, and they contained exactly the same amount of bacteria as they did when you wore them for less than two weeks.

Oh. Isn't that interesting? Producer Joel, you're nodding your head. Don't think this is a get-out-of-jail-free card, mate, you filthy animal. Call me crazy. I've had these jeans for six weeks, haven't washed them once. Crazy. Yeah, I'm calling you crazy.

Have you aired them out outside in the sun? I bet you haven't. I hang them up every day. Sometimes you leave them over the stairwell. But yeah, I don't smell bad, do I? No, you don't actually. I haven't smelt your legs. But you know, apparently that's the way to go.

And it's actually for the lifespan of the gene. Better for the material. Not washing it as regularly. So there you go. Save power. Have a short shower. And we'll keep spouting off labour propaganda as the show goes on this month The hits, the Jono and Ben podcast

Went to the Baker's Delight yesterday love the fresh bread you can't get better than fresh bread can you? Great smell too I imagine the novelty wears off if you're getting up at 3 o'clock every morning and baking the bread Yeah you probably get used to it

but it still wouldn't be a disgusting smell but when you come in as a high impact customer you're just up at three o'clock every morning and baking the bread. Yeah, you probably get used to it, but it still wouldn't be a disgusting smell. No. It'd be lovely. But when you come in as a high-impact customer, you're just there for a few minutes and you get to experience the wonderful odours. But what I enjoy is hearing conversations with parents and kids generally under the age of five, because we've both been there. Been there and hard to reason with that demographic.

And there was a mother and she was like, put that down and I'm going to count to three. Oh, yeah. And she looked at me and I gave her a knowing smile and I interrupted the conversation. I was like, now's my time to come in as an experienced, older statesman of parenting. Okay. I looked at the kid. I was like, she's going to count to three nothing's going to happen it's true it's true and she started laughing he started smiling

he gave me the look of like yeah i know i've been here before she counts to three and three seconds isn't enough time to brainstorm what you're going to do at the end of three seconds when you're when you're pregnant i mean growing up like in the 90s or whatever i mean there was there was stuff i'm gonna count to three and then when they counted three you're like oh jeez you know that could you know then we you know this namby pamby pc world we live in ben boyce has stopped the the finish line of counting to three which is good which is good but you're right my kids worked that out yeah and i go because i maybe do it again and they're like well what you're just gonna count? And they're like, well, are you just going to count again? And I'm like, yeah, well, that's all I can do, really. I do love baseless parent threats.

Another good one is if they're bickering away in the back, oh, turn this car around. They're never going to turn it around. It's a ginormous waste of petrol. They're wanting to get to the holiday destination just as much as you are. Yeah. Although it didn't produce a Juliet, so one of the members of her family got dropped off.

The kids were bickering. They were in America or something. They're like, all right, that's it, get out. Dropped them in the side of bloody Compton or somewhere. They came back eventually. That felt like some real, that was some 90s parenting right there. Totally. And another good one, don't make me come in there.

They're never going to come in. They're sitting on the couch watching Netflix. The last thing they want to do is stop their show and come in. And my favorite one, which I did too, and I'm the baseless parent, this is some good education for the young ears listening to the show this morning, I'm going to throw all your toys out. Or I'm going to send all your toys to the kids in Africa. It's never going to happen. They don't know the address of the kids in Africa It's never going to happen

They don't know the address of the kids in Africa The postage alone is very expensive Packing up every single toy And shipping it off to Africa It's just not a reality Logistics of that is not possible The hits, the Jono and Ben podcast I'm assuming you took a white bullet to the eye there Ben

I did, yes Sunscreen, sunscreen to the eye Was what happened. I did. Yes, yes. Sunscreen. Sunscreen to the eye was what happened. But vicious it's really when it seeps in and it's a slow build up isn't it, to intense pain. Oh no, probably the same as you. Your parents, my parents back in the day weren't

as sunscreen conscious as I probably am now. So I'm probably overcompensating now for their lack of sunscreen. The safety line in the 90s was, oh, it's good. You're burnt off a layer. Yeah. You've got a summer glow on now. So you peel off a layer of skin. Putting all sorts of baby oil

and all sorts to attract more sun and stuff back in the day. We were marinating ourselves like pieces of sirloin, weren't we? And now everyone's getting horrible skin cancers and stuff. I've got moles cut out all over me. So yesterday, as i do when i like to walk the dog in the afternoons i'm like doesn't matter if it's cloudy whatever it is i'll put sunscreen on and if i'll do and always the kids they'll stop banging on about sunscreen because that's my thing i'm like got your sunscreen

got your sunscreen all that maybe there's a middle ground between our parents and yeah and us there probably is but anyway the sunscreen yesterday and i put that on my face and as i started walking the dog I was like Oh you know When you start getting it Towards your eye And then eventually

You rub your eye And that makes it A whole lot worse And your eyes start running They look red They look blotchy It's not a great state to be in Yeah

Are you One of your favourite My favourite eye injuries Of yours Was out in the office here During lockdown We were the only ones In the office

In hand sanitiser Oh the hand sanitiser Yeah As far as you can see Yeah And you squirted the bottle It was a misfire Yours was out in the office here during lockdown. We were the only ones in the office and hand sanitizer. Oh, the hand sanitizer, yeah. As far as you can see. Yeah. And you squirted the bottle. It was a misfire. It was straight into my eyes. Same situation as yesterday.

And then I had to go and pick up some milk from the dairy on the walk. And I thought I was good. I was composed, apart from the fact that I had red, blotchy eyes. And the guy I said at the dairy, the lovely guy, was like, are you okay? And I said, yeah, I'm fine. And I said, just sunscreen in the eye. But when you say sunscreen in the eye, I have no problems crying.

I cry every Pixar movie and all that sort of stuff. But this was an occasion where I wasn't crying. And you just look like you've made an excuse. Yeah, well, because he's looking at it, so he's like, it's overcast, mate. I know. What do you mean? What mad person puts sunscreen on in this weather?

That's what I thought as I was still, and I was walking home with the dog as well, after I passed with my milk as well, rubbing my eyes more, and a friend of ours, unbeknown to me, had driven past, saw me rubbing my eyes, text my wife going,

is Ben okay? Just saw him crying. Just getting around the neighborhood. I'm like, oh my God, there's two for now. The fact that I was wearing sunscreen. Do you like texting back, tell them all sunscreen.

Sunscreen. Everyone's like, it's overcast. It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. So, yeah. The moral of the story is. If you see Ben crying on a rainy day, you know it's sunscreen. Exactly.

Where'd your key end up? Because Brooke, who we work with, joins us on the phone right now. How are you, Brooke? I've seen better days. You've had a rough week, haven't you? I've had two cases where a key and a card went down a drain. Right, so two separate occasions. Yep.

Okay, and only just a couple of days apart as well. Just talk us through the keys. What happened? The keys was when I was jumping out of my car after a night shift to go home. And I had a couple of things in my hands. I had my keys, I think my wallet, something to eat and my phone. So out of everything that could have dropped down the drain, it's probably not the worst. But yeah, I just jumped out of the car with too many things in my hand.

And I was parked over one of those drains and I fell out. I just had to watch and weep. And then you walked home, didn't you? How many kilometres? It would have been from Glen Innes to Ebsen, yeah. Okay, so you're talking maybe sort of seven, eight kilometres? Yeah. It's a big trek, yeah.

We bumped into someone in town once, Ben, who had lost their keys down a drain, remember? That's right. And we both went into the drain. Oh, God, I regret it every minute of that. Oh, you actually hopped inside it, didn't you? Yeah, we lifted up the grate and got in there. Yeah, it was all for the cameras.

If the cameras weren't there, I certainly wouldn't have done it. But that's an unfortunate situation. Then, to add salt in the wounds, a couple of days later, you lose what? Yeah, so I was like, I'll start taking the bus now. I'm not going to be driving anywhere. And I was jumping off the bus and I kind of shot across the road

and was trying to tuck my card into my pocket of my jean, but I missed and dropped the card, went straight down my leg and I kicked it down one of those drains that sit like up on the road. So that was your bus card? Yeah, that down the drain. Yeah, it's been a double kick in the guts. Been a tough week for Brooke. Well, we're going to open the phones up here.

Oh, 800 of the hits. Where did your keys end up? I'm a shocker with them as well. And it's mainly because I don't like pressure on my thighs. Right. You know when you put items in your pockets and it puts pressure on your thighs? Wallets, keys, phones? I don't notice it, but maybe I will start noticing it.

I like my thighs to be free and easy, Ben Boyce. No one needs to lock these thighs up. So then my keys, I leave them all over the place. It's a nightmare. But surely we're at a stage in technology where our keys should be inside of us or something. I thought that was what the vaccine was for, wasn't it? Well, there's a lot of careless entry.

I guess a lot of things like that. I guess you've got to carry something to the car, but a lot of people have the codes and stuff in their houses. But a lot of people will be like Brock and have probably lost their keys. So ahead of the final key giveaway today on The Hits, we want to know, where did your keys end up? The most random, obscure place you've lost your keys.

Now, keys. A lot of responsibility we place on keys and humans looking after them for a tiny little item your wife amanda's got a lot of keys on her ring doesn't she yeah like lots like an overnight security guard we had a key that was just sort of sitting on the footpath outside our house for months and i put it on the fence just if anyone was walking past to recognize their key but then the problem when you do that is everyone who comes into your house thinks it's your case oh you left your key on the fence yeah this was an ongoing cycle for you know a number of weeks spoke about on the radio and people like why don't you just take it to the nearest police

station and so that's what i took it to the nearest police station i don't think they're up to too much at the moment they're not worrying about the gang funerals or anything are they so I thought well they can do this key investigation for me so Lee you're on 0800 sorry 0800 that's the telephone number Emma good morning

where did the keys end up we left them in another country Tonga actually so by the time we got back to the airport and we're doing that We left them in another country, Tonga actually. Tonga? So by the time we got back to the airport and we're doing that, you know, got through security, scrambling around to find your keys and the realisation hit us that they were probably still in our hotel room. Oh, now Tonga, I'm no expert but it's a while away.

Yeah, just a touch. And so what do you do in that situation? So, well we just had to wait for them to get couriered back to us. Did you ever get keys back? Yeah, we did get our keys back probably about a week later, but it's made us way more aware now of like, okay, where are the keys? Yeah, positive with the negative too. So it's a week, a long time waiting outside the house to be let back in.

And you've got to pin the blade on someone. Like whose fault was it, Emma? Well, I mean, I didn't have them in my pocket when we got there. Yeah, I knew it would be the other ones. Hey, good on you, mate. Well, I'm glad you finally got onto the house. And thank you. Was smashing windows, was that run through your mind?

No, I think, I mean, this is probably going back about 10 years now, but I think we must have had a key hiding somewhere. Good on you, Emma. We appreciate your time. You have a good day. Yeah, no worries. Sharon, morning. How are you?

Yeah, very well. How are you? Yeah, we're doing well. The big draw tomorrow for Live Free, the final key being handed out today, and we're on to keys. Where did the keys end up? Well, when I used to go nightclubbing when I was in my teen years, not in more recent years, I used to keep them in my bra

so that I would never lose them. It's a safe – it's like you've got two extra pockets there. I hadn't thought of that before. You did have pockets in them. You know, you had a little pocket in the bra, and I'd just put my little house key in there, and I'd never lose it. Well, they call the bras the pockets of the chest, don't they? Yeah, something like that.

I don't know if they do, but they probably do now. Nowadays, are you still keeping them in there, are you? No, I can't say I go clubbing much these days, to be honest. My clubbing days are well past me, I'm afraid. You could have all sorts in there. Your wallet? Your phone? You could do. It depends how much space is

in there, I suppose. And also, I guess the look with a phone is quite, you know, but hey, it's there. It's good to know there's a storage facility. That's an option. Another one there. Yeah, and phones were a lot smaller in the early 2000s than what they are now, so I don't think you'd get away with it so much now.

I imagine people do it at the beach with bikinis or togs and stuff like that if you don't got pockets. Yeah, I suppose you could. Sometimes I put my cell phone down my speedos being at the beach.