Jono, Ben & Megan - The Podcast - Show Highlights: Ben's Super Interesting Board Game Experience..

Episode Date: April 13, 2023

Jono's son is bribing him... Ben's boring board games Tom Sainsbury on his epic new podcast! See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

The Hits, the Jono and Ben podcast. I'm being bribed at the moment, and it happened yesterday, it happened the week before as well. Oscar, my son, he goes to swimming, and it's not entirely his jam, loves basketball, into basketball. So he's obviously, he's swimming, he can swim, he's just to keep the fitness. We take him swimming, and it's always at the end of a long day of school. I'm with him. Are you getting in the water with him? But you're not.

But you're watching. It's sending me Instagram videos of Hasbulla while he's... And kids getting hurt when they're on playgrounds and things. Yeah, no, I'm not getting in the water. So swimming for me is fine. I'm just sitting in a lovely swimming facility for an hour. But he's in the water gutsing it out. And every time we go there, he's like, what do I have to pay you to turn the car around right now?

Fair enough. I'm with him. Is he going to be an Olympic swimmer? He's got no aspirations. No, he can swim, which is great. I think everyone should learn to swim if they can yeah uh but it's a it's a funny one i knew there was corruption and bribery and swimming i didn't know it was actually from the swimmers paying people not to i don't want to swim anymore because when you think about it is probably quite monotonous isn't it you're just

staring down the bottom of a pool at a black line full respect to people that do do it as a career and do that every day, but if it's not your thing that you're going to do, yeah. But he was like, he was offering bribery cash and he started at $100. He's like, I'll offer you $100 to turn around. And it's gone up. Oh, yesterday as I was taking it,

it was $1,500 to turn the car. Take it, take it, take it. The problem is when kids offer you money, it's empty. Empty promises, isn't it? It's like, oh, pay for some Robux. Robux, I'll pay you back. No, you won't.

No, they're not going to do that. It's my money anyway. Money you've been in your savings account. Charges are, oh, I'll put that in there. But I would say, yeah, so $1,500 to the car. What do you think there, Ben? Definitely. Yeah. For. Yeah.

For $100. Swimming's one of the, you're like, you can see why athletes resort to drugs to make the sport a bit funner. You know? You're just in a pool, hours. Imagine being an Olympic swimmer. You'd be in there for six hours a day just swimming back and forth. Yeah, but be fit. Fit.

He has cracked the code, though. He's like, you know what? When I need a breather, because it's exhausting yeah he's like i just uh i pretend i need to go to the toilet he's figured out a 60 minute period you know theoretically a bit leaky three times but better than going in the pool yeah maybe that's what the olympic summer should do halfway through a race oh you know what boston need auston? Need a breather. The Hits, the Jono and Ben podcast. I see Kris Jenner and Khloe Kardashian built mansions that are almost complete, side by side on the same property.

So they're sharing a driveway. The momager and her daughter as well. Khloe's got slightly more square feet than her mum. But yeah. It's always nice when you can build a mansion on the same property as your mum. As your mum, yeah, right. Side-by-side mansions. How's yours coming along?

It's coming along all right. My mum's, you know, she's slowing things down, you know. Is Jenny happy with the interior decorating that's taking place? Nah, that's the thing, slowing down her mansion, you know. I remember watching an episode of Keeping Up With The Kardashians years ago, and the whole episode was based around Kris Jenner, who had put in a brand new driveway. This could be the driveway. Massive tiles.

But no one was allowed to park on the driveway. Ah. Because of, like, if oil dripped out of the car or something. What's the point of the driveway? This is what I was saying for the whole episode. And I think that's kind of what the whole episode was trying to insinuate. Why have you built a driveway no one can drive on? Yeah.

So there you go. So good luck to them. It's always tough building your first mansion next to your mum. Cost of living too. Supply chain's been affected. Anyway, our hearts go out to the Kardashians. Speaking of drivers, driving into work today, Ben, about two kilometres down the road,

I see someone walk out of a bush. And I thought to myself, no one ever looks good coming out of a bush. Well, no, it's true. Because all it leads me to believe is someone witnessing you come out of a bush. I'm like, what's been going on in there, buddy? Yeah, well, there's no real reason to go inside the bush that I can think of. I mean, I've been in bushes. I've come out of bushes.

There's no great way to exit out of a bush. I mean, yeah, it's either going for a quick pee where you shouldn't be or doing something or hiding from someone i mean maybe you had to push your cap blew off from the wind and it went you know maybe there is an instant reason but it does feel like there's no real reason to go into a bush when was the last time you went into a bush? You've been in a bush before? Well... We had our friend Duncan, who actually works on the rock. Oh, yes. He has got a wild story.

He was in the Gold Coast. I'll just try and paraphrase it. He was in the Gold Coast. The story was told on Graham Norton and the Red Chair. It was, too, yeah. Gold Coast, he woke up in the morning, went for a walk, and his... I think his mate was telling him to go for a run. So he was running, hungover.

Yeah, that's right. And so then, obviously, the digestive system from the night before was kicking into gear and he needed to sort an issue out. And he couldn't find a lavatory. So then he went to the bush, did what he needed to do. And a dog came in, started sniffing around. He's like, get lost dog, get lost. As he's in a very vulnerable position.

Yeah. And finishes. And then the dog's owner sort of pops into the bush and goes, oh, you know, Fido, what are you doing? What are you doing? And then Duncan is standing there next to the evidence. And the owner of the dog then assumes this is what the dog has produced.

Which you imagine, you know, you can see where she was thinking. And she's like, oh, naughty boy. Puts her hand in the bag and picks Duncan's. And takes it with her. Takes it with her. Takes it on its way. And he's just standing there speechless going. I think the dog was giving advice like, you know, mate, you know.

You know, you pin this on me. This isn't mine. The Hits, the Jono and Ben podcast. Okay, something You pin this on me. This isn't mine. The Hits. The Jono and Ben Podcast. Okay, something that's going on in our house at the moment. Board games. We're getting back into the board games. We kind of stopped.

What happened to devices, mate? Get the family on the devices. Try to put down the devices, try to get together as the family and play some board games. But sometimes I feel like the devices, maybe things were happier with the devices. They are. 100% of the time. I think everyone the devices, maybe things were happier with the devices. They are, 100% of the time. I think everyone probably is, right? Because you're either a board game person,

you're either one of the people that don't really care what happens, you're in it for a laugh, bit of fun, that's me, or you're in it to bloody win it and it's competitive and I'm going to take the win at all costs. And that's my wife and I get it. That's fine. She's very competitive. She's very good at board games.

She's strategic. She thinks about those things. And it's got to the stage. But you can't have one competing against the other. Yeah, well, I guess, yeah. Yeah, the equilibrium's off. If you're giving, if you're just in it for a laugh and she's in it for blood, the game's never going to end well.

So, yeah, so, because Cluedo, we've been getting into Cluedo recently. We played it a bit in America. Do you know it's called Clue in America? We're playing it at our races. Why did we add a do? I don't know. I was like, that's the first mystery to try and solve where that went. Maybe it's just this part of the world where you've got, you know,

Rico, Devo, Cluedo. Maybe, yeah. So you obviously have to solve guesses. You make predictions along the way to see who committed the murder, what room it was in, with what instrument and stuff. And normally you make your predictions, you think about your things, but my wife's like a detective. She's writing down everyone else's.

She's like, okay, John is kissing that, John is kissing that. Why am I a suspect? Well, no, but everything you say, she's like, oh, he's thinking that, so he's going to be thinking this thing, so I haven't got this one. It's like she's thinking so many steps ahead. You're in too deep, mate. Everyone's now like, it's too much. It's too much.

We need to walk away. And she'll like, no qualms about beating the kids too. I'm like, everyone's now like, it's too much. It's too much. We need to walk away. And she'll like, no qualms about beating the kids too. Like just, she's like, they need to learn. I'm like, what? At some point you're like, you realise a murder hasn't taken place yet.

I'll get the investigation team over. She's pretty much on it. But yeah, but I do remember my grandparents, Sylvie and Bill. They would have some barneys. Beautiful grandparent names. They're just gorgeous names. Love, they would love a game, but then my grandpa Bill,

he'd get so frustrated, and then he'd put the cards out. He'd say, Jack, King, Queen, Ace, I'm going to bed. He'd just throw them down, and he'd say that pretty much like clockwork. Every game, he'd get frustrated if he was losing. Throw the cards down and storm off. It was like a walk-off. Now, was this Sylvie and Bill, and they refused to sleep inside the house? No, these other ones were in Christchurch.

Yeah, they slept in a caravan outside of the house. Yeah, Sylvie and Bill slept inside like people do. Did they have the bookshelf in the toilet? No, the other ones, Leonard and Joy, they had a caravan outside. They slept outside the caravan, even though their house was lovely. And then they had the bookshelf in the bathroom.

Like, you'd go to the bathroom, sit on the toilet, and there was a full book's carpeted floors, too, which I'm like, as a young kid, I was definitely. That was an era. And you're like, whoa, jeez, this is, carpet is soaking up a lot of stuff, flood-damaged carpet. And a full bookshelf of books that are like, oh, the books, they could be in a library,

they could be in somewhere more prestigious. Did Leonard and Joy and Sylvia and Bill ever cross paths? Yeah, they did. They had them in the same room. Did they get along like a house on fire? They'd get on all good. Yeah, they would actually get on lovely as well. But yeah, some lovely old people names there for you

for your Friday heading into the weekend. The Hits, the Jono and Ben podcast. Tom Sainsbury, a very funny comedian. You know him as the Snapchat dude. He does some great stuff online as well as on stage. And right now he's written and starred in a podcast that's on iHeartRadio, wherever you get your good podcasts, called Small Town Scandal. Tom Sainsbury, I feel like you're a bit part character on our show.

Yes. You come in often. We don't pay you, so I our show. You come in often. We don't pay you so I understand why you only come in often. Come on in, say a few things and then get lost. A recurring character. A recurring character you could say. What are you peddling this time Sainsbury's?

I'm always peddling Sainsbury's. It's great having you in here. And this new podcast sounds very very cool. So it's a six part parody of a murder mystery set in a small town in New Zealand. So there's one character trying to solve the murder of the richest man in town, Mitch Buchanan, who invented automatic lawnmowers, and his body was found tuned up by the automated lawnmowers.

And it's like, well, what led to this? I'm hoping that someone in America somewhere listens to it and they think it's legit. I'm hoping people think it's legit. So you play all of the characters in the mystery yeah so you that you're the journalist doing the reporting that's right and he's from australia so his name's toby buchanan but so he's the nephew of the richest man but he went over to sydney for one year and now he's picked up the accent and he can't shake the accent and he's come back and his mum features a lot because he's always trying to record because he's moved back home with his mum and they're always

having fights and stuff he's recording in the downstairs basement it sounds like a lot of fun yeah was it tricky to make though you playing all the characters and sort of navigate that it was the there are 45 and like the main character yes but there's like a montage where he goes and interviews the townsfolk and so there's like six that have just got one or two lines it's just i kind of use my range so those characters were like talking like this kind of oh i think you know just going for the most random weirdest voices i could possibly manage can you name all 45 characters oh absolutely not i can't i can't even do one like one yes you can do one other voice go Yes, you can. Do one other voice. Go.

From what country? That's always a spicy one. Helu. Here we go. What's the South African name? Jacques. Jacques. Helu.

And he just says Helu. He sounds a little French. A little French South African. So it's in the Wadarapa. It's where I'm from. So how hard So it's in the Wairarapa, where I'm from. So how hard are we going on the Wairarapa folk? Well, it's a fictional town called Te Hoi Ho, but it's kind of based on Carterton kind of vibes.

But it's not. It's a fictional town and Wairarapa is left pretty unscathed. Because you have traipsed around the country. You've visited all of the finest regional markets New Zealand has to offer. You've got it. So you would have met some characters that I imagine you are kind of imitating in this? 100%. And so much of it is also my,

because I grew up in Matamata in the Waikato, which is a small town, and so much of it's influenced by that too, the kind of folks I knew around there in my childhood. Matamata, because you grew up on a big farm. You got it. Ben Boyce farm boys. Well, yeah, I mean,, because you grew up on a big farm. You got it. Ben Boyce Farm Boys. Well, yeah.

I mean, I kind of did live on a farm, but I'd spend a lot of time making sort of movies on a handy cam and stuff like that. You know, that was the extent of my farming. Not that useful for farming. No, I was no help to anyone on the farm. What about yourself? No, I wasn't.

Look, I still have trauma from trying to back trailers. Yes, me too. My dad watching, thinking he's got to learn, he's got to learn, and still not managing it. Can you do it now? No. I just don't know how to hit the angles. It is confusing.

And when people are watching, they know we're getting upset with you. It's not a spectator sport. Because you turn, you turn, it goes counter. Can you do it? Not well, but it is because you're turning the opposite way to where the trailer's going and then once it starts

turning the right way then you yeah a lot of yelling I just remember a lot of yelling right hand down right hand down

and you're like I don't know and then you just stop and get out and your arms are flailing around so that was my experience and is he yelling at me or is he yelling at the dog

I don't know now we love having you in the studio now I'm looking into you and I've got three statements on you. And you'll know these, so I'm going to see if Jono can guess. Two truths and a lie. Okay. This is from research, so hopefully, and Jono, you can ask questions.

You can try and work out which is the lie and which is the two truths. So Tom Sainsbury, he's a Buddhist. That's one of the statements. Second statement, his first political character, he had a lampoon on it, was Rob Muldoon. And the third one, he's written 60 theatre plays. I... Yeah, so you've got two truths.

So two are true and one's a lie. A Buddhist? You picked on Muldoon first, and then, sorry, the third one was... Written 60 theatre plays. 60 theatre plays. That's just aitten 60 theatre plays. 60 theatre plays. That's just a lot of theatre plays. I'm going to, the 60 theatre plays,

I feel like you would have hit that number by now. You've been doing this a long time. He's not giving me. Neutral face. Neutral face. Neutral face. Okay. Muldoon, no.

I feel like Muldoon's not sure. Not his wheelhouse? Not his wheelhouse. I'm going to say he is a Buddhist. So I'm going to pick Robert Muldoon. It's the lie, and you're correct. You're correct. Well done.

I didn't pick you as a practicing Buddhist, though. Yeah, there we go. But you thought I was less Muldoon. I love that. So when you are a Buddhist, are there everyday rituals that you have to participate in? I chant to a little shrine, would you believe, and you've got a little bow that you ding, ding, ding, and then you have a mantra that you repeat for as long as you have to participate in i chant to a little shrine would you believe and you've got a little bow that you ding ding ding and then you have a mantra that you repeat on

for as long as you want to then i was reading about that which i thought was fascinating and then the same time the same article you're like but i do get very frustrated and like grumpy about some stuff i just think like what would i be like if i didn't like how angry and annoyed and pisser and cantankerous would i actually be tom sainsbury always love catching up with your small town scandal. Available now on iHeartRadio and wherever you get your podcasts. Love Tom Sainsbury. Yeah.

One of my three favourite, four favourite Toms. Tom Cruise. Oh, don't start listening, eh? Tom Hanks, he's good. Tom Kaa Kai, the soup from... Before 7 o'clock.