Jono, Ben & Megan - The Podcast - Show Highlights: Did Ben Have An Accident At The Mall..

Episode Date: July 17, 2023

The Hand Sanitiser Accident.. Jono's locksmith When should YOU HAVE LISTENED TO THE PROFESSIONALS! See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

The Hits with the Jono and Ben podcast. Thanks to Challenge, putting the service back into service stations. I talk about how I love the mall. Like, we never had a mall growing up in Masterton, so maybe that's one of the reasons why I've decided I like the mall now. What was the closest thing to the shopping mecca in Masterton? Oh, there was Trev's Sports World. That was very great.

It was a world of sport, the shop. That was always one of my favourite stores in Marston. How is Trev? Is Trev still? I think Trev's still. I think he's still an iconic store in Marston. Text us in Marston, 4487. Is Trev still there?

Has he still got his big, wide world of sports there? Yeah, Trev Sports World's still going on. But you get all your jobs done at the mall. It's one of the things I quite like about it, when you've got a few things to do. And over the weekend, the family all had a few things to do. So we're like, right, we'll go down the mall for an hour or it when you've got a few things to do and over the weekend, the family all had a few things to do. So we're like, right, we'll go down the mall for an hour or so.

Everyone had their things they needed to do. And I was like, this is going to be a, yeah, we're going to be here for a while, but that's fine. I'm all good. I'm all good with that. Did you divide and conquer or stick together? It was a little bit of sort of teaming up,

the two on two sort of approach as we sit around. And I had all my stuff in my pockets, getting stuff done in my wallet, my keys, my phone, hand sanitizer, of course. I loved carrying around my hand sanitizer. Lots stuff in my pockets, getting stuff done in my wallet, my keys, my phone, hand sanitiser, of course. Yeah, I loved carrying around my hand sanitiser. Lots of Japanese cherry blossom, palm olive. And I had just, you know, because we had a few days off,

I'd sorted out my wardrobe. Like I'd gone through and tidied it up. It was quite a mess at the moment. And I found some sort of pants and clothing that I was like, I'll bring it back into the rotate. Why not? The pants I wouldn't normally use were a brown pair of sort of tan chinos. I was like, oh, hey, I'll bust these back into the rotate. Why not? The pants I wouldn't normally use were a brown pair of sort of tan chinos.

I was like, oh, hey, I'll bust these out of the ball, give that a go. They're a little bit tight on me, but that's all right. Whenever I wear tan chinos, it just looks like I'm walking around naked. But also tan chinos, walking around, pockets bulging, how's that go? And then at some stage I felt, as I was doing these jobs at a mall, quite a warm sort of feeling around the crotch region, sort of like a wet liquidy feeling. I was like, ooh, this is not what you want.

An exciting shop, obviously. Yeah. And I went, uh-oh. And I put my hand in my pocket and the Cherry Blossom hand sanitiser, because I think quite tight around there or I hadn't had the lid on, had burst. And it just all over the region that you don't want it all burst over. And somewhere along the line, as soon as we started getting wet stains

on trousers, it embarrassed the human race, didn't it? Some part of history. But you look like, you know, and in those coloured pants as well, very, very dark. Yeah, like the dark sort of wet spot right at the front of my pants. And then I was like, well, what do you do in this situation? You know, hand sanitizer does not really like, doesn't dry that quickly. Was crying an option?

So I sort of like went around store to store. But you felt like, I don't know, you felt like all eyes are on that crotch region. Even if they're not, you feel very self-conscious. Could you just wander around holding your child in front of your... I tried to sort of do it with bag, like a bag, and we got a bag from a store, and I was trying to hold it there. And in the end, I was like, no, I can't do this anymore because the family were going to be like another hour.

I went in and I bought some pants. Replacement ones. And I did the thing too where I went and tried the pants on, and then I came out I went I love these so much can I wear them out of the store and the place like yeah okay I guess you can like sure is it because you wet your other ones like I'm 12 years old like these are the greatest things ever I'm gonna wear these wheelie shoes forever that's when you know you really love your purchase isn't it I'm gonna put them on now I'll put my other pants in this bag and I'll take them

out of the store and I'm like don't tell the lady that I definitely look like I wet myself. Do you think it was the universe saying, geez, if there's one part of this guy's body I could sanitize? You might be right. I'll take my chance now. The Hits, the Jono and Ben podcast. Yesterday I had a locksmith come to the house. It was an old rusty door handle that we needed changed

and a lock put on. And after the locksmith left, I was thinking, jeez, that would have to probably be one of the most trusted professions in the game. Because these people, with their skills they've acquired over a number of years, could break into, you name a building, they could break into it. You know, without any trouble whatsoever.

That's true. They've got all the skills, haven't they? They can cut keys. Yeah. They've got full access to your house. Oh, they've been in your house, don't they? Yeah. They've got, oh, yeah, I know where that is, I know where that is,

I can cut a key in that. You're right. Look, if you were going to start, I know a lot of kids are getting into rammering stuff, but if you were going to start an underground crime ring, shady locksmiths, You go around, scope out houses. It's amazing. I couldn't trust myself

to do that job. What also impressed me about locksmiths are the ones, you know, you go to the one in the mall or, you know, they have little stores around the place. Just a minute. Yeah, and you go in, you can get your keys cut and things like that. But then if you want shoe repairs or if you want a trophy or, you know, they've really branched out into some unusual things as well.

The other day I needed like a little screw for my sunglasses. Yeah, of course, they do that, you know. They'll give anything a crack, which is pretty good. It's kind of just a knick-knack shop, isn't it? Yeah. You can get your soles replaced and a key cut at the same time. Your high heel break, great, take it there. You need a trophy for the under-9 player of the day, we've got that.

And your key cut, all within a minute or nine player of the day? We got that. And your key card. All within a minute or a couple of minutes. It's pretty impressive. Yeah, I just wanted to shout out to the locksmith industry. We've placed a lot of faith and trust in you. So thank you for what you're doing. Okay, so I can be a locksmith. We had an SPCA honesty box at our old radio station we worked at.

Remember that? And it would just sit on reception. Chips, chocolate bars, lollies, you name it, just sitting there. And the policy was, the format of the box was... I think everyone knows the format of it. You take an item, you put some money into the slot.

Now, me, amongst many others, would take an item and then write an IOU note and slide it into the slot. And at the end of the month, the poor reception will be like, John, I owe you $48 in IOU. See, not trust, but you know the most

trusted professions in the world? Doctors. Doctors, nurses, teachers, their new car salesman. I don't know if that's in the... The Hits, the John and Ben podcast. Now, my dog yesterday embarrassed me it. The Hits, the Jono and Ben podcast. Now, my dog yesterday embarrassed me again.

And we always seem to be talking about my dog embarrassing me. And it's just one of those occasions. I mean, in the line of things, the long list of things that a dog has done, this was probably at the lighter end of the scale. Once I'd like you to come on and just go, a time when he's made you proud. Well, it kind of went from a moment of being proud to the dog just being like, oh. But this is dog. I mean, dogs don't have any sort of social awareness,

really, do they? They've got no gauge on what's appropriate. I mean, have you seen where they're putting their noses? In public parks? In front of people? Exactly. So I took my dog, big, fluffy, white Samoyed dog, Bo, for a walk yesterday.

And we walked past a lady, a sort of elderly lady. And she's out there in the front of her garden, pristine garden situation. You know, out there, felt like everything, you know, she's been working on. She's got nothing else to do with her day apart from make that garden immaculate. And as we walked past, she went, oh, such a beautiful dog. And I was like, oh, thank you. She says, do you mind if I pet the dog? At this point, I was past her property.

So I was like, oh, I'll do the nice thing. I'll come back. And I was like, he's really friendly. He'd love a pet. So we walked back to her. She's at the front of her garden. She's giving a nice pet. She was like, oh, it's a Samoyed.

We used to have them as kids. I was like, oh, that's lovely. And then the dog started squatting down. I'm like, oh, here we go. Was it a hunchback? Yeah, it was a hunchback situation. And I was like, oh. I was like, you know, to the dog, I was like, you know, but to the dog.

You know, like it's pristine garden, lovely lawn. And I'm like, well, the dog's like, oh, I guess this is why we've come back. And then we sort of had to talk and carry on our conversation as the dog was sort of doing its business

and I'm like oh I'm so sorry I have to pick that up and take that with you but yeah for the dog there's no awareness there's no

yeah he's like well I do that although comedically that is impeccable timing isn't it did you ever did you ever put your hand in the place of bed

yeah I'm picking up that's a degrading act isn't it I know and it's all warm and then you're like trying to find a place to put your hand in the place of bed? Yeah, pick it up. That's a degrading act, isn't it? I know. And it's all warm. And then you're trying to find a place to put that afterwards as well. Otherwise, you just take that for a walk for a couple of days. You should just hand it over to her and go,

can you take that somewhere, babe? Go take that inside. Put that in your compost or something like that. The Hits, the Jono and Ben podcast. We just started talking about randomly what you've taken to a face after a lady got hit by a meteor. Just a golf ball size. I meteor. Just a golf ball size. I'd say just a golf ball size meteor,

but that's what it broke it down to where it had hurt. High risk too, 6 o'clock in the morning, chucking out a topic like this, Ben Boyce. You know, you throw the line out, you're not sure if you're going to get any bites from the wonderful fish, and we have got a bite. Chris joins us on the phone on 0800 The Hits. What did you take to the face, Chris?

Yeah, g'day, mate. I was working with the council doing a footpath job, and we used what's called a plate whacker. And it weighs about 60 kgs. I lifted it off, dropped it on the ground, and the handle came back like a mousetrap and just went straight across my nose. Oh, look, that's a plate whacker.

It's what you flatten the concrete with, is it? Yeah, that's right. It kind of looks like a really heavy sort of lawnmower. Yeah, without wheels. Yeah. It actually bent my nose right across the line of vision. Break your nose!

Oh my goodness. Oh yeah, I did it right. Was anyone around at the time to see you? Those are the things you want to have a moment by yourself after that, right? Yeah, and I crawled back to the ute and called an ambulance. But I said to the nurse, I said, how are we going to straighten this? And she said, the best to do it right now. So she got up on the side of the bed and she put her thumbs on my nose

and her knee on her thumbs and went, ugh. What? And just shut, what, broke your nose back into position? Yep, I shoved it back into position with her knee. And then she pulled the curtain and I had a wee cry. I bet you a tough day on the tools, Chris. Yeah, really tough. To be fair, though, the plate whacker does, you know, it says what it does.

It was definitely doing some whacking. We're going to send you out some hell pizza this morning, Chris. Yeah, good on you, boys. Thank you. Have a great day, mate. Great text here too, 4487. Yesterday I was following a truck with metal and a rock bounced out of the truck on the road through the window

and hit her son in the neck jeez I tell you you talk about luck I know there's not many dangers in this game we're in here Ben Boyce you know we've got the soft some of the softest hands in New Zealand don't we callous free but sometimes when you go to put on

your headphones in the radio studio, so you open them wide and there's sort of a springy and once you open them wide to put them on your head, sometimes they slip out of your hand and the spring function snaps the headphone straight into your face. It's happened to you on

multiple occasions. You're like, how do I injure myself at this job? Like, there's not much really going on. Not a radio host that hasn't happened to. No. And it doesn't get any less funny every time you see it happen. Just going to open up this topic this morning on New Zealand's Breakfast. When you should have listened to the professionals.

And a lot of the time when you do get advice from professionals. Or just advice in general. Sometimes you feel like you don't need it. You don't need it. No. I always feel like when I get some advice from a professional, particularly anything to do with money, I'm like, I struggle to decipher if it's legitimate advice

or them just trying to screw me over. Yeah. What's their agenda? Exactly. What's their agenda? Yeah, like the doctor saying, don't take painkillers and drink alcohol. Mate, what's your agenda here, mate?

That's a prescription for a great time, thanks. So Taylor, producer Taylor, shared with us after the show yesterday, you should have really listened to some professional advice. Yes. So my best mate, she's a nurse, so she came to me and said, you know, have you ever given blood before?

And I was like, no, I've never done that. And she was like, oh, well, you should if you're able to. Like, it's a great thing to do. And I was like, I've never done that she's like oh well you should if you're able to like it's a great thing to do and I was like yeah cool let's do it so we thought we'd go as a a little social activity together and go give blood so all was going well they do all the tests on you um lying down on the bed giving what seemed like liters of blood just draining you and then all is done and the nurse tells you you need to go in this room, sit down for 15 minutes just to chill out before you leave and have a snack or two.

And so I was like, easy. So going to the room, I saw what was on display to eat, not my vibe. So I was like, I'll give that a miss. And it got to the five-minute mark and I looked at my mate and I was like, I don't know how you're feeling. I'm fine. Let's hit the road because we've got things to do. Yeah. They are arduous minutes too when they're like, wait for it. When you get the flu jab, 15 minutes and all you do is you're just planning an escape, aren't you?

Yeah, exactly. And so I was looking around, no one was monitoring. They were so busy. So I was like, all right, let's go. My friends, oh, you should really stay. You know, you never know what's going to happen. I was like, mate, I'm fine. So we get up. We walk to my car, which is outside to the car park. And as I'm pacing to the car, I'm starting to feel like, oh, hang on here. And then blackout.

And then I wake up and there's a whole group of nurses around me. And immediately my legs are elevated. But they went ham straight away. We told you to wait 15 minutes. What did you eat? I was like, oh, sorry, where am I? It's never a good look being passed out next to your car. At least it was before I jumped in the driver's seat, right?

Jeez, yeah. Wow. And so the immediate thing is you can remember getting told off. Yes, yes. And they dragged me back to that room. They force fed me a cookie and then I had to stay there for half an hour. Oh, double. And then six weeks later I got a letter in the mail saying I wasn't an ideal candidate

to give blood and to never return again. So they gave you your blood back or anything? No, they threw it out. They didn't even use it. Pump it back in, mate. Yeah. Oh, jeez. Okay, so that's the didn't even use it. Pump it back in, mate. Oh, jeez. Okay, so that's the time that you should have listened to advice,

but you ignored their advice. Yeah. Also, when you get advice from professionals, particularly like dentists, builders, mechanics, whatever, you always feel like they're being a little overcautious, don't you? And there's a buffer that you can push as the non-professional. I worry too much. They have to keep up an industry standard. As soon as non-professional. I don't worry too much. They have to keep up an industry standard.

As soon as someone says, I don't know about that, I'm like, what, what, what, what? I don't want that playing in my, you know? You're going to have to get that done in six months. I'm like, do it now, do it now, mate. I don't want that deteriorating. Yeah, that's me, but I'm the opposite to everyone else.

I'm very paranoid and anxious. Okay, I won't hold it. That's telephone number 4487. You ignored the advice of the professionals and came back to bite. You can give us a call this morning. We've got a hell pizza for our favourite calls and texts next. They're now delivering beer and wine.

0800, the hits producer Taylor just saying she didn't listen to the nurses at the blood bank and refused to eat anything after donating and also refused to wait for that excruciating 15 minutes. Walked off and passed out by her car. Woke up with nurses telling her off, saying... Sometimes you think you know best, you don't. I remember another incident at the mall

where a lady went, tie up your shoelace. And I was like a teenage year. Shut up, old lady. And I didn't say, you know, but I remember thinking, you're all right, I'll tie my shoelaces up. You know, you'll trapped, something will happen. And I got stuck in the escalator. That's a panicky situation when you're at the end of the escalator.

I hope she saw that too. I hope she got the chance to have the full satisfaction of, I warned that idiot kid with his pants down. You're trying to get your shoe off. So she knew best on that situation. Ellie, we'll get you on from Auckland. You ignored the professional advice. What was it? Basically,

I went to a mechanic and they'd been telling me to get my car checked up and fixed for the last six months, but I was like, oh, it's fine. My car's still kicking, so it should be all good. And one day I was driving on the motorway and

my car's crapped out. They know what they're talking about. Sometimes when you have an unusual noise in the car, you keep going just hoping that it will slowly fade out, the noise, and things go back to normal. But how much did it end up costing you? Oh, not too good. There was actually quite a few things wrong with my car. According to a mechanic, I had to send it to scrap.

Oh, really? Car gone. Jeez. Yeah, car gone. There was too much wrong. They said, you're not allowed to drive. Good on you, Ellie, for being a battler, pushing things to its absolute limit. Appreciate it.

Text here, 4487, the dental industry. They are ripe for this aren't they? Come and see me every 12 months and I'm like mate, me and my one tooth are doing just fine. Thank you very much. But you never know if they're taking the mickey. Do the dentist. You don't know what they're doing inside your mouth.

Yeah you're right. They often go this is the six months time this is going to happen and you I go okay do it now. But a lot of people wait out and see, right? I remember I had an operation on my foot many, many years ago. And the doctor was like, you need to, you know, rest, to lie down basically for at least a fortnight for it to recover.

And I was, again, I was like, this is the professional buffer. They're holding an industry standard. I can walk probably after a week. I know they're being overcautious. And I did start walking after a week. And, you know, the stabbing pains and cold weather at the bottom of my feet, apart from that, everything else is absolutely fine.

So do listen to the professionals. That's probably the takeaway of this segment.