Jono, Ben & Megan - The Podcast - Show Highlights: Finally Ben Has Relaxed!

Episode Date: April 26, 2023

Oldest pets in NZ Jono has a plan to get Ben relaxed Ben has been eating too fast See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

The Hits with the Jono and Ben podcast. Thanks to Challenge, putting the service back into service stations. Scott Robertson, All Black coach-in-waiting. He's going to be the All Black coach. Already announced for next year, and he's announced his assistant coaches, Leon McDonald going from the Blues to be one of his assistant coaches. Oh, wow. Jason Holland, who's also the Hurricanes coach, is going to be assistant coach as well,

joining Scott Hansen and Jason Ryan as well as his coaches. So there'll be Crusaders, Hurricanes, and Blues all looking for head coaches next year as well as all this happening. It's fun for Ian Foster to know that they already designed the coaches. He's like, hey, guys, we've still got a World Cup to go through. Yeah, true. Ian Foster to know that they already designed the coaching squad. He's like, hey, guys, we've still got a World Cup to go through. Like, wait until the end of the World Cup. And I know it's not Scott Robinson's decision. I think the polite thing we'd do, let's let this guy finish his chapter.

It feels like that's not going to happen, though. I mean, they are, but at the same time, they're like, hey, we're already putting in plans. We're already renovating. We're going to take out that. It's like coming around to your house. You haven't moved out yet, eh like someone's putting oh yeah no we'll paint that wall i'll just put my bed here it'll go there with yours you just move yours out oh i can't believe they've done that with this place we'll change that i know what you're saying so but yeah you do you feel really uh real i do i

feel sorry for you foster i mean it sounds like the right guy's got the job i have no expertise in this world been uh but yeah you just for the way it's been handled Sloppy way I mean, it's the sort of nonsense We'd be running if we had the NZRU under our power Exactly Yesterday, I chucked something out there That I chuck over

I throw avocado stones in the gurgler Yeah And this rocked you This rocked you to the core Like an avocado stone and an insincorator well it did it just seemed like you're putting your insincorator through too much work and it does say online don't do it but you still persist to do it i like doing it because it's like cranking up the boosters on the spaceship you know it's really pushing the

space when you see a movie about space they're like we're gonna have to push this thing to the limit that's how i feel every time I put an avocado stone down there. Has it stopped working? Or does it just keep going? No! All it takes Ben is a Kiwi can do attitude and a gurgler willing to test its limits. I even recorded it yesterday just so I could

prove it does work. Yes, thanks Jono. Reporting live from the kitchen gurgler where I'm inserting avocado stones like milk traveling down a newborn baby's throat. Couldn't be smoother. The insincerator screaming out, help me, this is not what I'm designed to do. This is out of my jurisdiction. But with a can-do attitude and an insincerator willing to push its limits, the avocado stone easily disappears in one to two hours.

You can hear it. You can really hear it screaming. It's working hard. It is working hard. But who are you to tell a Googler what it can and can't achieve? I'm not. But there are a lot of people online, people that make them. The haters. The haters.

The haters. It's fine. You keep pushing your Googler to the limits. Eventually, something's going to happen. Like when you're racing on your scooter in the morning, I'm like, he's going to fall off. It's only a matter of time. That's the thrill of it. That's right.

The Hits, the Jono and Ben podcast. He's going to fall off. It's only a matter of time. That's the thrill of it. That's right. Someone last night from Invercargill won $17 million on Powerball. Lotto's Powerball. Pretty, pretty awesome. You wonder if they're going to stay in Invercargill. Oh, mate. If you won $70 million, I would stay in Invercargill, personally. You'd own Invercargill.

We're rolling around Invercargill for $17 million in those wide streets. The Hawaii of New Zealand, that's what they call it. Why would you ever want to move away? Congratulations. That's phenomenal. $17 million. That's a lot. It's a game changer.

Yeah. And you have this conversation every time that this comes up in the news and you're like, would you tell people? Has your stance on that changed? No, I wouldn't want to tell because, you know, it changes people. It changed me too. I've become a monster with $17 million. I hate to think what terrible things I'd do. It's been a year since we've owned a little dog.

Pampered pet, pampered dog day today, mate. Pampered dog day. And he gets pampered. And I tell you what, little Milo. And it's been 12 months of me arriving home and him just being unreasonably happy to see me to the point where you think i think he's taking the mickey yeah out of me uh no one's ever been this excited to see leo he's wagging his tail shaking his butt back and forth stuff you used to do when I walked in the room.

When was the last time you shook your butt for me? Oh, it's been a while. You're right. You've never twerked for the last five years. But he makes this noise too. It's like an excited noise when I arrive home. Hey. Hey, buddy.

Like a squeaky toy. Yeah, quite squeaky. Yeah, that's very adorable. And it makes you feel like a squeaky toy yeah quite squeaky yeah that's very adorable and I'm it makes you feel like a million bucks it's like when you go to

Pack and Say Palmerston North and you're like I feel like a king hey it's the guy from the TV show I'm like no I'd tell him that the TV show's not going anymore

it's just Ben just does laps of the aisles of Pack and Say Palmerston North and feels like a champion but I'm like how long is this going to go on for

because I could do this for the rest of my life, this dog making me feel so good. Oh, that's lovely. I checked the lifespan. I've got another 15 years. Oh, jeez. This is good. Until my mid-50s. This dog's going to be hanging around

longer than the kids. We're probably going to be one of those weird old couples who treats their dog like their child, you know? Puts it in a pram and things like that. How old's Bo, your dog? Bo's eight now. He's getting on a little bit, I guess, now. But, yeah, but still acts like a puppy as well,

still gets very excited when we're around. He's in the wrong conditions, though. He's built for the snow. Yeah, he's a Samoyed. He's very fluffy and very good. But you're right. He's so hot here. Like taking, he's a Samoyed. He's very fluffy and very good. But you're right. It's so hot here. Like taking an Eskimo to Fiji for a week

and saying, no, you can't change your clothes. But you do wonder how long animals, because some animals stick in for a long time. We had a cat. I remember as a kid, we had a cat. My dad and my mum had a cat called Boise. It was Boise. And this cat was just not a nice cat.

Like, I'd always want to pet it, and it'd just hiss at me. It'd pee on my shoes. Always in my cupboard for some reason. And the cat would never let me show it. But I think he was like, he was old. Like, he was old. Yeah, they do get old and grumpy, don't they? Producer Joel, you were saying that your family's got a cat that's very old right now.

Yeah, a 23-year-old cat. 23! Not young at all. No! You put a picture of, what's the cat's name, sorry? Rosie. Little Rosie. You put Rosie on our Instagram account,

and Rosie has, very cute, but has the look in her eyes of, I've lived too long. It's gone on longer than anyone expected. Make it end. That's the look I'm getting from Rosie. Apparently 23 in cat years is 108 in human years. So that's ancient.

Now I was researching this. Why are they all out of kilter, the dog years and the cat years, compared to the human years? And apparently it's just due to the biology of it and how fast the metabolism is so for example a one-year-old cat is the equivalent to a 15-year-old teenager in human years just the way the body's developed and where they're at physically okay so that's why they've but then they're saying it's not that accurate because the aging process slows down for the

animal as time goes on well we want to know this morning, are oldest animals? Like what's currently right now listing? Have you got an animal that's, or maybe you had one previously as well. What was still hanging on there? The oldest pet. Why don't you phone these two old dogs? 0800 the hits 4487. Oldest pets this morning on New Zealand's breakfast.

I want to know this morning, what's the oldest pet that you got? What are you still keeping around? Much like Joe Biden in the White House really He's having another run he announced yesterday He'll be 86 if he wins again by the time he leaves office at the end of the second term That's about 28 dog years for Biden And I look and feel about 28 dog years too So I won't throw stones

We'll get Renee on from fielding. How are you in friendly fielding? Sorry, what was that? How are you in friendly fielding, mate? Pretty good. Pretty friendly, Renee? It's lovely to have you on the show. Oldest pet. It's a cat you've got? How old?

She is 19. Jeez, it must be like when you know towards the end of May He Rest In Peace too, Prince Philip's wonderful reign. And there were the last couple of years where he's like, just take me off, coach. I'm done. I'm done. How was the cat?

Grumpy. Yeah, yeah. I had the same thing I was just saying before. I remember our old cat as well. And it was just not the most affectionate. And fair enough, too. This eyesight starts fading. They start feeling like everyone's...

Let me call Talkback Radio. Have a moan. I just want to watch the chase in peace. Good on you, Rosie. Well, sorry, Renee, you go and have a great day, all right? Yeah, you too. Thanks for calling through. Speaking of Rosie, producer Joel, wonderful Grace, your partner,

she's got a cat 23 years old, Rosie. Yeah, yeah, we were just talking about her, and I was saying that when she pats the cat, there's like clumps of hair coming off and stuff at the moment as well. Poor Rosie. This is the same with Jono, many years ago. Pretty much, yeah. Jono, big clumps of hair would come out of my hand.

Poor Jono. Oh, Gina, you're on from Auckland. Welcome to the show. Good morning. Oldest pets. What have you got, G-Dog? Well, it was a dog, actually, but he's not with us anymore. He lived to the age of 22.

Oh, jeez. That's a good run for a dog. He should have been probably dead a lot earlier than that because he was incredibly accident-prone. But adopted him from the SPCA when I was 8 and we put him down when he was 30 took him back to the SPCA and

they didn't believe us that we'd adopted him from there and sure enough looked up the records and yeah 22 years old. Wow 22 and so do you think the animals know that we talk about putting them down? Oh, probably not.

I hope not. I hope they don't overhear those conversations and they'll be like, getting some weird vibes around here, guys. What do you think? Hey, good on you, Jeannie. Go and have a great Thursday, eh? You too. 22, long time for a dog.

Many more seasons of blue are ahead. That's for sure, Judging by that. And we'll head to Hamilton. Rochelle, you can beat producer Joel's Rosie at 23 years old. How old's your cat? Ah, Coco's 24. Wow, 24. Yeah, he had his birthday a couple of weeks ago.

We had a little cake for him and we celebrate every year thinking he won't make another one. You're strong. Yeah. Again, do you say that out loud to the cat? She's not going to make it through another 12 months. Well, I doubt it. I don't know.

We've been in touch with the Berman Club. They're in the UK, I think, the worldwide one, and, yeah, they've told us he's the longest living Berman in the world. Really? Wow! Yeah. You've got a record holder. Yeah, they're only meant to live to like 14 to 16 at the most, Berman.

So yeah, to get to 24 he's doing pretty well. Why do you think he hung around so long? I don't know. Honestly, love I think. Four kids that nearly killed him when they were little. But he survived all that.

But yeah, he's still eating, drinking, peering, sleeps with my daughter every night on her bed. So yeah, I think he's still got a couple of months left in him yet. Oh, that's very adorable. He's doing really, really well. Will you keep us up to date?

I don't want the sad news. We reckon we might have to make the decision because I don't think he's going to give up anytime soon. Well, Michelle, you just text me. Keep me up to date. I won't pass the bad news on the bed. Okay, all good. Thank you so much for your call.

Well, this week's really been firing away on us. It's fantastic. Okay, all good. Thank you so much for your call. The Hits, the Jono and Ben podcast. Wow. This week's really been firing away on us. It's fantastic. Now, it makes me a little anxious because, you know, I like to tick things off my to-do list. I like, it's one of my things. We talk about it on the show.

I like to get stuff done. And that goes, even when it comes to eating as well, and this really upsets my wife, the fact that particularly breakfast or lunch or like that, I'm just like, let's get done. Oh, so this is just a thing you need to get off your list is a meal. Sometimes it feels like that. Not all the time. Like I do appreciate going out for dinner and then going, cool,

we're here for that. But now sometimes I'm just like, well, eat on the run. She's always like, sit down, sit down, eat slower. He's like literally running on a treadmill and eating. Yeah. I'm like, I'll stand up and do it if I want to, breakfast or lunch like that. I don't need to sit down and stop my day to do it. But she thinks it's for the better.

And often when we're eating together, she's like, slow down. You're making me feel like I need to keep up with you. Like it's some sort of. Are you setting a rapid pace? Too fast. Too fast, apparently. Yeah, I eat too fast. Too fast, apparently. Yeah, I eat too fast.

She's like, you're shoveling your food. I'm like, well, you're eating like a sparrow. You know, like it's all back and forward. I went to dinner with you once, and you were at the finish line. I just ordered garlic bread for the table. I'm done, mate. I'll catch you later on. He was wiping his mouth with his napkin. Now, I've been told to slow down, which, you know,

so now it's kind of like it feels like we're in a heavyweight bout. We're going punch for punch, you know, like a bite for bite, you know, like, but going at her pace. And I was getting frustrated. I'm like, why am I going at your pace? Why can't I just eat my food at my pace and you eat your pace? And that's fine. You know, why do we have to find some sort of compromise or why do I need to slow down?

Because she's like, I feel like I'm dining with a prison inmate. He's trying to finish his meal before he gets shanked. And then I thought I'd Google her. And yeah, she's right. There's a whole lot of bad, it's basically not good for you to eat fast. There's a lot of stuff that can lead to it. Well, doesn't your body think,

it doesn't know it's full yet because you're just shoveling it down. You can also take in air and a whole lot of stuff while you're eating as well. It's a lot healthier for you if you just slow down as well. So she's right on that regard. But I mean, forgetting stuff off your to-do list, Ben,

eating like you're in a speed eating tournament is the way to go. Well, yeah. And now I'm pausing between bites and it just feels like, oh, I'm here to eat, so I'm just going to eat, eat, eat, eat, eat until it's done. Then we get it done. I feel bad for you because I just last week, maybe I'm part of the cause why you're eating so quickly. You took your first mouthful of

a ham and cheese muffin and then I was like, okay, we've got to get onto recording stuff. I didn't even let you finish the first bite of it. Yeah, that's right. So maybe that's why you feel the obligation to pour it down your throat. Just get through it. Get through it fast. The Hits, the Jono and Ben podcast.

Now, I've purchased something. I know that you can find yourself being a bit tense at times, can't you? A bit wound up, a bit stressed. Yeah, that's true. He runs at a high level of stress. We just mentioned five minutes ago he eats his meals too fast for his family's liking. He's just doing it to get stuff done, get on to the next thing. Get it done, yeah.

I was wandering through the mall the other day, okay? And then my family were inside a shop. I got pulled aside by Ruben. Ruben is one of those people who runs like a massage seat operation in the middle of the mall. Oh, I've seen those, yeah, yeah. He's like, have a seat. I was like, I don't want a seat. He's like, have a seat. I was like, I'm not in the market of the wall you know you see those yeah yeah he's like have a seat i don't

want to see he's like have a seat i'm not in the market for one of those he's like have a seat uh he wasn't that threatening i took a seat and i was massaged into another portal by this machine so what one of those seat things you see on the ads? Yeah, no, not one of those. It was just like a portable back one, but they do sell those for $17,000. I was like, cost a living, mate. You don't have 17 grand for a bloody seat massager, but you can have a portable one

that you rest against the chair. So that does the massaging for you. Gotcha. My family came out. I'm like, you know when you see those people on their ad and they're almost, they look very satisfied. I'm sitting family came out I'm like, you know when you see those people on their ad and they're almost they look very satisfied. I'm sitting in the middle of the mall, eyes closed

drooling and I ended up buying one. You bought a portable massager? I bought a portable, but I was like this is an investment, this isn't just for me. Trying to justify it. This is an investment for being boys. This is for tax purposes you're doing this?

Is this for making this a workplace? Got to claim this back as a work expense. I thought you could use it and maybe instantly find yourself just another version of being boys. I don't like massages though. I know, but your thing is the human to human contact. I've lied still for an hour.

I mean, who wants to lie still for an hour doing nothing being alone with your thoughts i don't want that i have but in this instance you can get massaged and clear 2000 emails love that i love it i love everything about that okay all right uh and it's good pressure too so you've just here it is put it behind your back okay so what it's it looks like a sort of neck pillow size it looks like to be honest it looks like a sort of neck pillow size To be honest It looks like a device you'd probably buy at Peaches and Cream It's quite It's quite hard in the middle

There's half a dozen balls on either side And they just rotate around Put that behind your back Just push the button on the side That'll start relaxing you We'll see how he enjoys this Oh Jesus really getting in there It's kind of got the pressure Of what you want your partner To massage you at Okay, we'll see how he enjoys this. Oh, Jesus, really getting in there.

It's kind of got the pressure of what you want your partner to massage you with, but they give up eventually. How are you feeling? Are you feeling relaxed? No, tenser. Well, it just feels like someone's sort of like a third former punching me in the back at the moment. Yeah, it does come in with the pressure of a Chinese masseuse, doesn't it? Yeah, okay.

Classically trained. Are you meant to relax while this is going on? I mean, how do I relax more? Yeah, well, just go with it. Okay. Just go with it. Okay, so now to relax you even further, I have a theory. Okay.

Okay, that people can join us now. Oh, 800, that hits. If you've been listening to this show for a while, you know what? You know what stresses Ben out. There's things that stress Ben out. Now, I'd like us to play some relaxing music. You get massaged. Okay.

You know, and if you phone up, 0800 the hits, and you can say things like, hey, Ben. Oh, stop to do another. Sorry. Hey, Ben. It's Microsoft here to tell you that you've clocked emails. There's no more emails to send. Oh, no more emails. No more emails.

You've email. Like, emailing's done. Oh, that's relaxing. I like that. You've sent the amount of emails for 10 lifetimes. So, oh, 800 of the hits. Relax, Ben, this morning. While he gets massaged.

And it is the hits. I don't know if you. While he gets massaged. It is the hits. I don't know if you purchased the device that I've just got back behind my back, a massager. Yeah. It's too, a lot of tension around Ben Boyce. A lot of anxiety and tension. He's got more tension than a recently divorced couple. And so we're just trying to ease some of that this morning. So yeah, I was in the mall the other day and ruben one of those people has a stall in the

middle of the not not a proper shop you know in the communal areas yeah he could smell blood and uh he lured me into his massage chair which grips me and you bought one i bought one uh but this comes and how long until you stop using this like well listen i need to put it i have a history of buying stuff on a whim uh the you know the ab dominizer the ab circle pro took me three or four of those items to realize that my abs weren't going to magically come out with as seen on tv items they're not professional abs just yet no still in the still in semi-pro not even semi-pro amateur abs amateur abs uh that then i bought a massage gun which is basically like a jackhammer for your muscles and now this and it's oh yes i know they're all items that

will inevitably end up growing dust and end up at producer joel's flat so how are you finding it so far five minutes in it's getting in there you know like i feel like i don't relax enough for i get a tensor you look more uncomfortable than when you weren't being massaged. I'm like, oh. But you can hear it working away. Yeah. We'll put a video up on the Hits Breakfast Instagram. It is quite strong.

It is strong. It applies a lot of pressure. Yeah. Really, like knuckles just working around your back, you know? Well, it looks like you're sort of enjoying it. He looks frightened. Yeah. It's unpredictable, this thing.

I don't know what it's going to do next. He looks like he wants to lay out an HR complaint. So, hit the music. We're going to relax you. You can phone through. Some of your hot buttons, Ben, you know, to-do lists. Yes.

Getting stuff off to-do lists. You know, emails piling up. You know, not having a TV gig. These are thingsdo lists. Yes. Getting stuff off to-do lists. You know, emails piling up. You know, not having a TV gig. These are things that wind. Awesome. Now you've brought all those things up. More tits. People can phone through and they can relax.

Like Daryl from T-Poy. Welcome, Daryl. Relax, people. This is a song that never ends. I'm getting serenaded, Daryl. Well, it goes on and on, my friend. Some people started singing and not knowing what it was. And they'll continue singing it forever just because the system is on.

Oh, I love this. It never ends. Sweet, sultry tunes. Morning, Daryl. Thank you for that lovely serenade. Appreciate it. Did they relax you? Yeah, it was lovely. It was lovely. You morning, boys. Good morning, Daryl. Thank you for that lovely serenade. I appreciate it. Did that relax you? Yeah, it was lovely.

It was lovely, you know? Your knuckles going into the... But I know there's a part of you going, this radio break needs to end, and if Daryl keeps singing the song that never ends... Yeah, right, you're right. It's extra stress. Yeah, Bree, we'll get you on.

From Wellington, relax Ben while he's being massaged by an automatic machine. Ben, it's the hand sanitiser industry. I just wanted to call to tell you we're giving you a lifetime supply of hand sanitiser. Oh my goodness. This is a call I always dreamed of. I'd shake hands to complete the deal, but my hands

need some hand sanitiser first. Thank you, Bree. We're relaxing Ben, Jane and Walkworth as Ben is looking slightly more comfortable with proceedings. What do you want to say? Ben, it's the TV station here. I'm just calling to let you know we've got you a hosting gig

which is renewed for the next 20 years. Oh my goodness, the dream come true. I'm back, baby, I'm back. I can see it. All the weight of the world is off his bony shoulders. Someone's text in saying, Ben, it's the activity center here, just calling to tell you that you've done every activity ever invented.

There's no more activities you or your family have to do. You can now relax. Clear it off the list. Oh, that's good. Hey, I feel a little bit more relaxed. A little bit more relaxed. Yeah. Yeah.

Now you just go back to stressing out yeah back to as normal firing off 32 emails in 20 minutes thank you for that that was nice

it was lovely yeah thank you for using that because now I can claim it as a work expense