Jono, Ben & Megan - The Podcast - Show Highlights: Jono Can Chuck Anything Down The Gurgler!

Episode Date: April 25, 2023

The awkward mall stories.. Ben is back on TV! Common question you might get at work  Jono can chuck anything in his waste disposal! See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

The Hits, the Jono and Ben podcast. Now I got in a conversation over the weekend, I was at Pack and Save, and someone came up to me, Ben, and they listened to the radio show, and, oh, it's the guy from the radio. And the next question is, and it comes quite a lot with this job, got any free stuff? Yeah. I think radio ruined it for a while ago.

There was a wild time where there was a lot of free stuff. Yeah, and if you're driving in a station, even today, if you're driving in a station vehicle, we were one in a few weeks back for the Kevin Hart thing. And we're standing by a station vehicle, and the amount of people that got any free stuff. Radio hasn't had free stuff for five to ten years. We used to have a lot of free stuff.

I've had it sometimes in the weekends, the hits out and about. You will see the hits out and about, and they do have free stuff. There was a wild time there where radio was just handing out party pills to everyone. Party pills and condoms for some reason. Condoms for the whole family, so you don't have any more family members that you have to worry about. But not nowadays, not so many. So you're kind of, I feel responsible to try and provide some free stuff.

I was like, oh, there's a bit of A4 paper underneath the station vehicle, but I didn't have any free stuff yesterday. It's a very common question. And imagine whatever your job is, there would be a question that you would get asked most times. I mean, not only do you have any free stuff for me, but it's usually, are you Jono or Ben? That's normally the question people would ask me

nine times out of 10. And you always say, I politely answer the both. Yeah, that's what I was saying. And so they're still not sure which one you are. Exactly. Yeah, so that would be a question. And that, you know, if someone gets asked that question, you'd know you're probably Jono or Ben.

Yeah, so we're going to play this game. You phone us up. The most common question you're asked in your job, and we'll try and figure out what you do for a job. Maybe you could be, for example, I always get asked, what are you doing with try and figure out what you do for a job maybe uh you could be for example i always get asked what are you doing with the taxpayers money you slimy politician and we'll go oh you're a david seymour so i'll wait under the hits text 4487 uh most common question in your job and we'll try and figure out what you do for a gig give new zealand's

breakfast a bell and if we can't figure it out, we'll give you some hell pizza. So give us a call right now. 0800 The Hits. The Hits, the Jono and Ben podcast. Welcome to the show. It's great to have you on this morning. We're just playing a game. Most common question asked in your line of business, and we'll try and figure out what you do for a job.

Another question we get asked quite a lot in this job, Ben, is why do you think that was a good idea? How do you think that went? Now, these are questions from management to us that we probably answer every day. Yeah. I always hate the how do you think that went. Yeah.

Whenever you're in a meeting and you're asked how do you think that went, it's always a leading one. Yeah. To they didn't think it went as well as it should have gone. And no matter how positive you are about it, it doesn't really change their opinion. You're like, oh, wow, I thought it went great. Yeah, I wonder if we do that one time.

That couldn't have gone better. Next thing, next question. Move on to the next one. Julie, welcome. How are you in Waimate? I'm good. Merry Christmas in 200 days' time. Oh, this is our mate Julie with all the Christmas decorations.

How are you? Yes, good, thanks, guys. How are you? We're doing well thanks, guys. How are you? We're doing well, Julie. Most common question asked in your job. Ooh, doesn't it smell? Okay, what do you think Julie does? Do you work in a chemist in the perfume aftershave department?

Oh, yeah, that's looking that. And you're like, yes, it does smell beautifully. No. Where do you work? I'm doing a temporary stint, which meant to last a week, but it lasted a lot longer than that, at a recycling plant. Ah. And ooh, doesn't it smell?

It smells of dust. Oh, dust. I won't even go into what people think are recyclable because this is a family show. All right. Good, good. Thank you. What dastardly things are people recycling? Oh, jeez.

Hey, look after yourself, Julian. Why, Marty, we'll get you out some hell pizza. Megan, most common question asked in your job. We'll try and figure out what you do. How much are the solicitor's costs? How much do solicitor's costs? I'm going to say you're an accountant. Now, do you work in the police?

No. A lawyer? No. In the courts? No. Oh, what do you do? I'm a banker, reverse mortgages. Ah, there you go.

Yeah, well, true, you need to get a solicitor for that. And how much does a solicitor cost, out of interest? Oh, well, it could be anywhere from $1,200 to $2,500. Jeez, all coming up solicitors, isn't it? Good on you, mate. Well done. We'll get you out some hell pizza. Michelle, most common question asked in your

gig, we'll try and figure out what you do, fire away. Hi, I get asked fancy seeing a woman behind the counter? Do you work in the 1960s? Does sound very sexist, does it?

Are you like a male barbers or something, where they shouldn't be, but I don't know. Close. It's normally a male industry. You don't often find women doing this sort of work. Do you work for the Aussie Thunder Down Under? No. And they're just mixing things up.

Bit of gender equality in the Aussie Thunder Down Under 2023. What do you do, Michelle? I work in the butcher shop. Hey, well, fancy seeing that. No. No, for no reason. Why are people even... I've served you a few times, Jono

Oh, Michelle Rob and Michelle How are you, Michelle? And every time we come in Jono's like Oh, fancy single lady My dear Alright, sweet cheeks

He's got a couple of sirloins Lovely to hear from you, Michelle Yeah, you too Alright, mate We'll get you a hell pizza, buddy And finally, we'll say Good morning to Hayley Good morning

How are you? Is this Hayley from Hamilton? It is Hayley from Hamilton Oh I don't know what Hayley from Hamilton Does for a job I do so I'll stay out of this Okay

Yeah I remember from last time So I I'm not at a fair advantage I'm at a Yeah Over to you John He's an honest player

I'm an honest player I could have just come straight in I wanted to But I was like No that's not honest player. I'm an honest player. I could have just come straight in. I wanted to, but I was like, no, that's not. You know radio's not built on honesty. Yeah, I know. Hayley, the most common question asked in your job, and I will try and figure it out, what do you do? I say, does that feel tight to you?

Hmm. Does that feel tight to you? Yeah. Oh, okay. Does that feel tight? Any? Yeah. Oh, okay. Does that feel tight? Any other questions you get? Well, that's the most common one, is it?

It's a pretty common one. Does that feel tight to you? And I'm going to say... Car parking attendant. Yes. No. No. Are you like a builder and then something, not a nut that you're screwing? No, I try not to screw too many nuts.

I'm a physio. Physiotherapist. Oh, does that feel tight to you? Of course. It's usually while I'm massaging their shoulder. And what's the answer? Yes. It's always a yes.

Oh, yeah, because I can imagine you would be able to tell, right? Yeah. Well, you never want to go, no, that doesn't feel tight, so I won't charge you for the next 60 minutes. Yes, very tight. I want them to come back. Exactly. Hayley, love catching up with you. Have a great day. We're going to give you some hell pizza. Woohoo! Thanks, guys. Have a good morning.

The Hits, the Jono and Ben podcast. Something that's been annoying me, and we put it on our social media at The Hits Breakfast on Facebook and Instagram, was your hat. Now, you like to wear caps. That's fine. That's fine. You like to wear caps.

It means maybe because I can't mock you about your... My disability. My baldness. Don't say it's a disability. It's not a disability. Every time I do it, it makes them so awkward and needs to back off. You can't say it's a disability. But anyway a disability every time i do it makes them so awkward to back off but anyway you continue on about my disability yeah one of your hats that you wore you wear

is it's kind of like a trendy frayed sort of hat i imagine you when you got it it was kind of a bit frayed no it wasn't no the hat is so it's an old hat it's kind of like a mulberry cigarette sort of hat same logo uh but the hat i've probably had for five or six years and it's so old and weathered that it's starting to tether parts of it was trendy i've been like oh this is trendy he's bought it oh no it's the i think the hat's so old the material's like oh i'm retiring i want to jump off this head but there's been quite a large bit of cotton from the uh from the frayed bit at the front of the hat that's been dangling down, probably one or two inches. You can see it on our social media, without a word of a lie.

And this has been going, like, since I remember Christopher Luxon was in with us, and it was probably at least four weeks ago. So for at least four weeks, this thing has been dangling down there and I'm like, Johnno will notice it. He'll get rid of it. I won't say anything, even though Jesus winding me up. Why didn't you say anything?

Because I'm like, what's up my thing? Someone brought it up in the office the other day. They're like, look at that material. It's like a bungee cord dangling from your cat face. And you were like, oh, is it? Oh, I've never noticed this before. I was like, how have you not noticed this? And it's been winding him up so much.

You've picked up this hat. You've put it on your head. You've touched the thing. You're quite fidgety with it. Have you not noticed this dangling? Oh, well, once it was pointed out to me, it's all I could notice. It's all I've noticed for weeks. I'm like, no.

It's like I had a window wiper going back and forth just dangling. It is. And I love that you haven't brought it up. Why would you not bring it up? Well, it wasn't my place. I'm like, surely, surely he'll notice it. Then he'll wear the hat again and go, no, he still hasn't noticed it. Or maybe he's liking it.

I don't know. Maybe he knows it's winding me up and so he's continuing to wear it. But I haven't told him it's winding me up. Okay, so we're confronting the issue head on now. It's on social media if you want to go and see what you tell us you tell us whether john i should just you know just trim that little that tassel or not because it's winding me up there are things that people get annoyed about uh as well i was looking at a buzzfeed article as well little things that annoy a lot of people and these are some of the things that annoy me i want to throw it to you

see what sort of maybe this is a lot about the two of us. When someone takes both armrests, do you get annoyed with that? Why would you get annoyed with that? What are armrests for if not to rest your arms? Yeah, but when they're allocated, when people are like, hey, these are for sharing. How would you prefer that situation to go? Just like say, okay, I'll have this side, you have this side. Just allocate. Just allocate.

Okay. First in, first serve when it comes to resting your arms. Okay. Someone gets to the counter at a fast food restaurant and then they're not ready to order. But they'll be waiting in the queue for a while. Jeez, that winds me up. Well, maybe they've been thinking about other stuff. Okay.

And then when you get to it, you've got full side of the menu. All right. I don't know why that wouldn't be a sensible option. Talking through a movie. Talking through a movie. You're probably someone that does that. My wife loves a chat during a movie. I'm like, no, it's the first 10 minutes.

This is integral to the plot. There are some boring bits of movies, though, that you can't have a conversation. I agree. Someone sniffs loudly instead of blowing their nose? No, that doesn't annoy you because that's something that you do all the time as well. This is another thing that winds up about me.

It's expelling air from my nostrils. He's a very loud breather. Just the simple act, the simple basic human requirement of breathing in and breathing out. It somehow upsets him. I do sound like a rhinoceros, you know, a giraffe or something. You're just sort of expelling air. Anyway, well, that shows you. That shows me.

But sometimes you can just go, I could let all that stuff go. Like the hat. You could be like Matthew McConaughey. I did try with the hat. I did for months. But it was winding you up secretly. Yes. But for months, I was like, I'm cool with that.

I'm sure with that. If you want to see me wear a hat like that, it's fine. The Hits, the Jono and Ben podcast. Ben, last week, we forgot to mention this. We did a photo shoot for an article that's coming out, I think a 30-page article on Jono and Ben. This is nice, it's nice to be asked to do those things, it doesn't happen all the time. Yeah, no, it was lovely.

But what I personally, and I haven't spoken to you about this after the photo shoot, is I don't know what to do. In front of a camera, I lose all function of my limbs, how to control them, where to put them, what to look at. And the whole time they're like, just act natural. Just act natural like you're just your normal, normal selves. We want to see your relationship. And I'm like, well, to be fair,

our relationship is probably just sitting in silence, clearing emails now and then, and then coming up with an idea and going, that's funny, but not laughing when we say that's funny. It's true. That's funny. We should do it. Yeah.

It's one of those things I feel like where people say just walk normally. When you start thinking about walking, it messes with your brain. It's the same situation when someone's going, just act naturally. Act natural. Be natural in front of eight people,

a photographer and a makeup artist. Is that what I do with my hands do I hold my hands do I point something I don't mind where we've got like a prop or we can be like a bit silly

or something like that then I'm like oh cool this is I'm fine I'm away but when it's a bit more like just be normal just be normal

but then they're like put your arm around him and I'm like well I don't have an issue with putting my arm around him but I don't walk around town with my arm around Ben no

I like to slide my hand into his back jean pocket which i know when we do that right he doesn't like the public displays of affection but i've never been able to nail a photo you know out of the hundred things i might be good at taking a photograph is not one of them not what not nowhere near like you've got to give it up for the models yeah they're doing a good job out there aren't they hust Hustling. True. They are. Looking cool, looking natural.

Especially naked people. Like, naked people, they're not just worried about their facial expressions. They're worried about everything, right? Everything. They have its place where it's sitting, hanging, dangling. You know? Yeah, true. They're the real heroes.

The naked models. The Hits, the Jono and Ben podcast. The Hits, the Jono and Ben podcast. You know, sometimes in life you have to put your hands in places that you'd rather not. Ben, I know you've been there many times. Regretful locations where you've had to put your hands. Probably mostly involving me But the gurgler

You know the The good old hearty New Zealand gurgler The waste disposal that's in your sink I kind of I kind of run off the theory That you can chuck anything down there And the gurgler will deal to it Which I don't know if is the case right

Many people have theories on what you can do. Oh, don't put that down there. You can't put this down there. I didn't realise banana skins big no-go. Well, no, I wouldn't imagine that we'd go that well trying to get the banana. I've been shoving bananas down there all the time. Nah, I would have thought sometimes they really battle through some stuff, don't they?

I had this exact situation, so I'd put down like a bone, like a bone from some meat. Because it does avocado stones. It does your... It doesn't have avocado stones, does it? Jeez, you're really pushing your... Jeez.

My Googler's working hard. Wow. See, I would... You wouldn't put avocado stones? No, no. I'd put avocado or the skins, but not the stones. They're not going to... That's...

Yeah. But the whole bench starts to shake and rattle. Yeah. Nothing's working harder than that gurgler when it's trying to get rid of a stone. But it got to the point last night, the gurgler was like, mate, you pushed me well beyond, well beyond my gurgling capacity. And it stopped working. And you know.

I'm surprised. He's retired. Yeah. You know when you have to put your hand. Have you ever put your hand down there before? Yeah, I have, yeah. And you feel like some sort of animal's going to come and bite it. Or at any stage it's got to turn itself on for some reason,

even though you're not pushing the button. That's a scary, scary moment. And everything you touch is all slime, and you're like, oh! And nothing feels good down there when you can't see. I can imagine yours had about 19 avocado stones down there. Yeah, it's a, I had a friend who had put cigarette butts down there. Yeah, it's a,

I had a friend who had put cigarette butts down there and it got to the point in the flat where like, no, the girl started chugging cigarette butts back out there. But plumbers would have to come over and just deal, it'd be like when the doctor goes, how much alcohol are you consuming? And you say,

oh, only three to four drinks a month. And the doctor's like i know you're lying to me and it happened a plumber came over we were staying at like an airbnb we're away on a holiday toilet started blocking up and the plumber comes i was like have you been flushing disposal you know those wipes down there and a friend who was staying was like no no definitely not and you fail to think about the fact that well the plumber's going to go in there and figure out what the issue yeah find the thing 10 minutes later the plumber comes around the corner the giant ball of disposable wipes

he's like here's your problem and then my friend's like oh you know i must i must have flushed a couple down there but they must have compounded with a ball that was already hidden. Sounds like that friend was probably you. First thing on Google says don't put avocado stones in your Googler. First thing on Google. Oh, it also says I've probably got cancer as well. All right. Don't listen to Google, mate.

Okay. Well, I was just going to say. The Googler's working. Well, it was working just fine. It's not working, is it? It's not working.