Jono, Ben & Megan - The Podcast - Show Highlights: Jono Can't Comprehend ACC.

Episode Date: August 7, 2023

Our twist on the All-Blacks Announcement. Producer Tayla eats glass!? Ben gets his revenge on Jono.  See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

The Hits, with the Jono and Ben podcast. Cheers to Dilma, making the world a better tea. The All Blacks squad was announced yesterday. Ian Foster's squad, he's taking to the World Cup in France. The most experienced squad ever for heading to the World Cup as well. Steve Hansen was saying it's better than the 2019 squad as well. So I feel like good things for the All Blacks. Doesn't seem to be too many.

I mean, there's a few disappointed players, a few people went close and missed out, but that's always going to happen. I would be such a shocker if I was a selector or a coach and you had to phone a player who didn't get in and you'd be like, hey, sorry you didn't get in. They're like, oh. And then I'd be like,

actually, no, we'll put you back in. I think we could take more than 33. We'll take 40. We'll take, you know. And they'd go, how'd that go? I be like, actually, no, we'll put you back in. I think we can take more than 33. We'll take 40. And they'd go, how'd that go? I was like, great, we're going to take 55 players now. I know, it would be pretty heartbreaking. It doesn't mean that. I mean, there's a few players going over there as well,

sort of as injury replacement, injury cover. I mean, look at the Stephen Donald story. You know, when he was like fourth choice, he wasn't even there, and then he got caught up at the last minute and kicked the winning goal. That sort of thing can happen. To be honest the way that history has gone I'll keep my boots polished. I'm ready to step up if need be

I don't know. Okay good No I'm not going to say no. I'm just like yeah good keep them polished. Thank you. I'm sure they'll give you boots if you make the team but there'll be sponsorship. You don't have to come with your own boots No some sort of laser brand or something that you're wearing from the warehouse or something Well they didn't have a spare shirt for Stephen Donald,

did they? No, true. This cute little pot belly was poking out underneath. Now, we always have a go at the All Blacks because it's not quite the American hype fanfare, you know, announcing the squad that it could be. It's very New Zealand. It's very humble. It's kind of cool. Yeah, they'll be like

B, Barrett, New Plymouth. Yeah. Yesterday was Richie McCall, which was great. Oh, they got Richie to do it. Which was awesome, which I thought he did a really good job. But we're just thinking that maybe, I want to pitch you a few ideas, maybe if we add a bit of music behind it, if we speed things up just a little bit, we can make it a bit more exciting.

So I want to present to you some options for naming the squad a bit more exciting. Do you think the rugby union are like, yeah, that's what we need. We need to jazz up our announcements. Well, you know, just hype everyone up. A bit of fanfare. Let's get some people hyped. I mean, you know, you love a bit of rock music. What about a bit of back and black? Seems iconic.

Have a listen. Here is your All Black squad for the 2023 Rugby World Cup. Bowden Barrett. Jordy Barrett. Scott Barrett. All Blacks captain. Sam Kane. What do you reckon?

Just sort of hyping it up, bit of that? Yeah, that's good. Have you added crowd sound? Yeah, I've added some crowd sound as well. Because the crowd's in a frenzy. They're like, this is a squad. It's a packed thing. It's a stadium.

And so everyone's slow clapping over the top of their heads as well. Okay, so that was an option one, back in black. Then I was like, well, let's go a bit more topical. Barbie, biggest movie right now, a billion dollars. Let's add something from the Barbie soundtrack. Here is your All Blacks squad for the 2023 Rugby World Cup. Bowden Barrett. Jordy Barrett. Scott Barrett. cool Barbie biggest movie right now a billion dollars let's add something from the Barbie soundtrack that's your black squad and they all come out dancing like to a choreographed dance move as they come out in the 33 you know what do you reckon what so all the players yeah they all come out they all go like one by one and then it turns into a mess before like they're in the club

you know and the other thing I mean you can't not do a little exciting dance anthem without a bit of Darude you know

here's your All Blacks squad for the 2023 Rugby World Cup Bowden Barrett 20-pound Scott Barrett All Blacks Captain Sam Cain

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It doesn't matter mate We're going to France But who's going to France So there's some options If you want to use that next time Good luck at those players selected. The whole country are behind you, and it's going to be awesome for the World Cup. The hits.

The Jono and Ben podcast. Now, producer Taylor's come in. Taylor Montoya, welcome. Came in this morning distressed. Yeah, a bit worried. Yeah, feeling a bit sick too. There's always so much going on in your life. You've always got so much happening.

Yeah, I just want to rest. I have a very boring existence compared to you. But what happened last night? So I pride myself on my cooking. I'm Italian. It's pretty much in my blood. And last night, I ate different dinners to my husband just because if I ate what he did, I'd be much bigger than I am today.

Well, he's a Warriors player, if you don't know. So obviously he's got to get eaten. He burns a lot more than I do. Yeah. What do you eat? Last night I had tuna pasta, but it was like protein pasta. Oh, that sounds nice. That sounds depressing.

Yeah, it was. And then I made him three hamburgers. Oh, that sounds good. Three hamburgers? Yeah, completely different dinners. Seriously? I'm biting the – I'm eating the pasta and i'm noticing like a big crunch and i'm like oh i put too much rock salt in it and then i go take a big bite and my tooth hits this

massive thick shard of glass and it was like so thick that it didn't crack so i just pulled it out in one piece and i was like oh god where's that come from didn't think anything of it because i was starving so I kept going. Most people would pull out of the meal at that point. I was hungry. And then Marcelo's looking at me and goes, oh, God, imagine if that turned up in my dinner. I'm like, yeah, no, you're all good, mate.

And then he starts biting. He takes a big bite of the burger, boom, just as equally big shot of glass. And he looks at me and he's like, are you trying to kill us? And I was like, I have no idea where this has come from. So I start searching the kitchen, like where has this smashed glass come from? I still don't know. Oh, so you hadn't broken anything that you know of?

Do you think you've swallowed, because you were saying you were crunching away, thinking it was salt. Do you think you've swallowed glass? No, I definitely have, because even my tongue was cut. Well, that's not good. How many calories in glass though, mate? Is that part of your diet?

I'm all good. Like I can even eat more if I really wanted to. Oh, jeez. But you wouldn't want to. I'm on a glass only diet. That is frightening. So you don't know what, so something's fallen off a shelf while you've been. No idea.

And we even checked the ground. There's no broken glass on the floor. So I'm thinking someone's broken in because I cooked the onions. That's the only solution. I left the onions out. I went to go. I went out and then I came back. So I think someone's come in in that time and planted it.

Or planted it. Planted it, yeah. So the only – Or maybe it's a South Sydney Rabbitohs fan or something. Maybe. Trying to sabotage the Warriors season. What was the one common ingredient between both meals? The onion. The onion and the glass.

Maybe it was. Isn't there a movie, The Glass Onion? It's a mystery movie. Maybe someone planted glass in the onion. Maybe. I don't think, I've seen The Glass Onion. It wasn't how the movie went. It wasn't about accidentally eating glass from the onion.

Very, very short film. Yeah. The Hits, the Jono and Ben podcast. Producer Taylor, if you could come in. Last night made dinner for herself and her husband, Marcelo. Glass ended up in both meals. Separate dinners, two, one pasta, one burgers. And shards of glass you've swallowed.

Yes. And spat out big chunks of glass. People trying to solve the mystery on the text here. First one. Possibly a shattered inner oven door. That would be possible, but neither of the dinners went in the oven. They were both fry pan meals. On top.

Do you have a glass salt shaker, reads this text. It could have come from that. I once had it with plastic all through my meal. Great point. So obviously I had to FaceTime my mum as soon as this happened last night. And the first thing she said was to open the salt shaker out and check the rim. That was perfectly intact as well. The mystery continues on.

We'll get to the bottom of it. So we're talking accidental ingestions. Jane, welcome from Christchurch. It's lovely to have you on this morning. Oh, good morning. What was it? It was 91 unleaded petrol. Oh, you've used it. You've drunk petrol?

Yeah, that was when it was like 52 cents a litre. That's when you could drink petrol. It wasn't so expensive. Glory days of petrol. So much of it, you had a glass of it just for lunch. How did you accidentally ingest it? Well, it was about 50 mils. And you know when you're young and there's petrol in that car that doesn't go,

but there's no petrol in that car that does go, and you think you're clever? Yeah, not clever. Did you siphon it out with a hose? No, I siphoned it, got it, and then it stopped. So I siphoned some more and then forgot and then just swallowed it. What? Because petrol, when I'm at the station, you know,

you're there five minutes sort of thing. I love the smell of petrol. Really, it smells delicious. Is it as tasty as it smells? Hell no. No. Does it burn? It did burn a little bit, but it just felt a bit weird.

Yeah. I imagine it would. All right. Well, at least you're around to tell the story. Exactly. Yeah, good on you. Thank you so much, Jane. Appreciate that.

Now, it's not so much an accidental ingestion, but Steve is with us on the phone wanting to brag about how you push the limit on expired yogurts. I sure as hell do. That is how many months past are you pushing? Oh, I would push two months, maybe three months at a go. Really? Yeah, I really don't mind eating yoghurt that's

past expired, that's for sure. Did it not make you sick? No, no. Hey, yoghurt is already expired by the time it hits the shelf, you know, so you've already got probiotics and stuff like that growing in there. It's already a science experiment. You're right.

Exactly. So you can literally grow stuff off of yogurt that comes off the shelf, eh? Hey, well, I appreciate that, mate. You have a great day. You too. Cheers. The Hits, the Jono and Ben podcast. Congratulations to the All Blacks named in the squad for France yesterday,

the 33-man squad. So all the very best for the World Cup, which is coming up very shortly. But something else that's coming up even sooner is us making every single cake from the iconic birthday cake book, 106 Cakes. And if you're wondering what the heck and why it all happened, well, have a listen. I was clearing out some stuff over the weekend, and I found a book that I remember distinctively

from my childhood. This book, Jono. The Australian Women's Weekly Children's Birthday Cake Book. Oh, this was a simpler time too. We weren't stressing about lactose intolerant, gluten-free children, were we? It's like you ate the cake and you dealt with the consequences afterwards.

My mum would always go, not the train, too much work. The train was almost like the Sistine Chapel of the book, wasn't it? But anyone else, if you're on the duck with the chips for a mouth, the pool that looks a bit toxic green with the weird baby swimming in it, then unsupervised. But the filtration system had definitely gone on that pool because it was like green jelly surrounded by chocolate fingers. Yes.

My brother's birthday, Mum tried to make the rugby ball, could not make it stick. So the rugby ball quickly became volcanoes. Unfortunately, the volcano started to look like a pair of boobs. Oh, so your brother got a pair of chesticles for his birthday. Yes. Mum, we were just talking about

the Australian Women's Weekly Birthday Cake Cookbook. I did actually make something that should have been a clown. And one of your friends said, what a nice dog. You had the crazy idea yesterday that we should try and bake every single cake from that book. 106 cakes is a lot. The more hands, the better. I've been listening about these cakes and it's a brilliant idea. single cake from that book. 106 cakes is a lot. More hands, the better. I've been listening about these cakes and it's a brilliant idea,

but man, where are you going to get all the eggs and the butter from? Shelley's on the phone right now. Share some advice for us. I sure do. I would get packet cake mix. It'll be way faster. You're not preparing a proof crack.

We were told about the egg shortage. We're going to buy sponges, pre-made sponges, Shelley. Fair enough. That's a good idea. You are coming to the Edmonds Baking School, which is part of the Chelsea Bay Visitor Centre and the Chelsea Sugar Factory.

Oh, the Chelsea Sugar Factory. Must be a nightmare with the bloody ants there. 106 cakes, two days. Can it be done? Absolutely. Here we go. Oh, it's only 48 hours away, Ben. It's happening over two days.

If you want a cake, you can head to the hitstock.co.nz. But last week you made me do a test cake overnight. And I was thinking... You know, actually, when I did it and I issued the challenge that afternoon, I sat with him and I'm like, this is a really inconvenient task to put on someone in the height of the week. You know, you've got all sorts going on. Yeah. And I thought the same and I thought, well, I don't want to throw that back on you.

But then I thought, well, why not? He did it to me. Please don't. So here you go. Here's the birthday cake. But we're about to go and make all these cakes in less than two days. It'll be great for you to have, you know, just a bit of an idea. So I want you to make the pool cake, the classic pool cake with the baby swimming in the toxic green water,

the jelly with the chocolate fingers around the outside of the pool. I don't think council consented on any of that pool. No. Definitely. Well, the fence was easily climbable or eatable. But yeah, okay. So hopefully the jelly is the main part. And apparently the green jelly, because're always like why is it green

Apparently when the book was made there was no blue jelly They hadn't quite worked out I don't know if that's true or not But someone takes us through Technology hadn't advanced I don't know why The babies are terrifying aren't they You don't have to put the babies in the pool

They're in like sugar ring Lilos as well the babies Oh the pool. They're in sugar ring lilos as well, the babies. Oh, God. Okay, I'll give it a go. So we can see that tonight on the... It's honestly the last thing I need in my day today, baking a cake. Oh, good. Don't say, oh, good.

A little fun exercise with the family. I'm sure Poppy would love to help you. Cleaning it up and... Mate, I did it all. I know, I know. And I regret every part of making you do it you did a really adequate job as well of the barbie cake the hits the Jono and Ben podcast uh yesterday had a topic right idea wrong product where you accidentally use you know the wrong

thing for the task you're about to engage in like Like I forgot yesterday to mention early morning. A lot of this stuff happens when you're half awake. Yeah. I went in for what I thought was a Yoplait strawberry yogurt only to discover after a big spoonful in my mouth it was sour cream. Which you can see how it works, you know, it's the same pothole sort of thing. Ugly way for your mouth to start the day though, isn't it?

And the thing with sour cream is it bamboozles me. It's like, how can it taste so good on food then as a solo offering really has, you know, tastes horrible. Yeah, you're right, actually. It's something you've got to mix with a whole lot of other stuff. And when you do something like that, it does take a few beats for your taste buds to register what's happening as well

before you do start gagging. But 0800, that's 4487. When you had the right idea, but just the wrong product, you can give us a call this morning. Kel, it was the right idea, wrong product for you? Yeah, definitely not me. I don't think I'd be on the radio missing this one.

My uncle, after a few drinks, used his hemorrhoid cream to brush his teeth with. Oh, jeez. But their tube, that's the problem that I had as well. It's a tube situation. You know, and when you're not looking... I don't know why he told people, though.

It's not something you would want to admit, is it? You're dead right. That happened in the confines of the bathroom. No one needed to know about it. Sorry. Because then you also learn he's got hemorrhoids. Yeah, I was just thinking that. Going through the whole process. Oh, by the way, I've got hemorrhoids.

Here's the way you're going to find out. But the hemorrhoids have never smelled more minty, so they're doing all right. That's probably quite good for that area. No, good on you, Kel. Appreciate it. Okay, cheers, guys. Cheers.

Let's get Sarah on from Taupo. Good morning, Sarah. Right idea, wrong product. Yes, that's me. Definitely the wrong product. What happened? Well, I have quite bad anxiety. So when it comes to thrill rides or even sometimes driving,

I have to take medication for my anxiety attacks. And so as a family, we decided to all go to the luge. And my sister was the only one that had a bag. Obviously, you don't want to have a bag on the luge. And so I gave her my anxiety tablets to look after. And I kind of got halfway through the day and I said to her, oh, look, can you please give me my anxiety tablets? I'm starting to feel a little bit rough.

And when she got them out the bag, they were actually my laxatives for my IBS. Oh, so... Because I was already shitting myself, I did not need any extra help. That would have done great things for your anxiety, wouldn't it? Oh, God, oh, God. No, you poor thing. Oh, that's brilliant, Sarah. Thank you very much.

The Hits, the Jono and Ben podcast. Now, talking right idea, wrong product. Great text here, 4487. Went kayaking with a friend, only for her to put her cell phone inside a contraceptive device to waterproof it. Oh. You can kind of see how that would work.

Oh, yeah. But it would be very slimy afterwards afterwards it would slip out of your hands. I guess that would work. Waterproof, I guess, isn't it? Or a snap lock bag would have done the job. Or maybe they didn't have one of those. So I guess, you know, Kiwi ingenuity right there. I guess a Connie's kind of a snap lock bag for a part of your body, isn't it?

Yeah, right idea, wrong product, I guess. Emma, we'll get you on. When you had the right idea, you just used the wrong product. What was it? It came home after a few drinks and mistook my makeup remover for nail polish remover. So you're rubbing this all over your face, under your eyes. I imagine very burnt. Was it peeling off layers of skin?

Yeah, I was straight to the fridge to the bottle of milk. How was your face? Oh, a bit red. Clean. Clean but red. Wow. That is very impressive. Thank you for your call, Emma.

Thanks. Have a great day. Bye. Tracy, good morning. Good morning. Right idea, wrong product. What happened? It's kind of embarrassing, but you know like when you're in the heat of the moment

and you reach for the special drawer? Right, okay. Tensions are high. You can smell it in the air. Yeah. And you accidentally grab the tub of the troop of Voltaren instead of the KY jelly. Oh, no.

Oh, no. And so then was the application, did you follow through with the application process? Yes. It's not, because it's not like a deep heat, is it? So it's not going to be, but would it burn? It was a slow burn. And towards the end we were both

suffering. Oh, of course. Oh, jeez. So it was safe to say that, you know, all the action ceased and we ran for the bathroom. Do you have a burning sensation? It's not what you want, really, is it? You never want to feel...

No, it burnt for quite a few days for me. Like, you know, when you pee and you think things are wrong. Oh, no. That is... Not good. Very funny. It would have been a race to the shower head, I imagine. Yeah, I... Yeah, honestly.

Honestly, don't have sex. That's the rule. Yeah, good on you, mate. You have a good one. Okay, thank you. Bye. See ya. The Hits, the Jono and Ben podcast.

Now, a lot of talk about free dental care, isn't there, over the last couple of days? The greens have come out, mate. Free teeth work for everyone. Yeah, Hollywood smiles all around, eh? We'll have the shiniest teeth in the world. You're yelling it so smiley. You're like, ting, ting, ting.

Brand new veneers for everyone, baby. But it actually reminded me of a friend who a few months ago, he's a tradie, tripped over on the building site and fell face first into the concrete and ended up smashing a lot of his teeth out. So pretty severe damage. And he looked into getting, because he didn't have health insurance,

dental work done here, the cosmetic work done, and it was going to cost tens of thousands of dollars. It was ludicrous. I think even nearing three figures. Wow. Some quotes. And so then he did some online research. It's always great to go online

and check out your medical stuff too. Gets you some good results. Nine times out of 10, you've got cancer. Yeah, it was. But he learned of these holidays you could take in Russia where you go,

you fly to Russia, go over there, stay for a week, they smash out your mouth. That's already done. They repair the smashed out mouth and hop on a plane back for a quarter of the price. Including the airfares and everything.

Including the airfares, accommodation, everyone, everything. And he did it. And he did it for, like I said, 10th or a quarter of the price, like sort of $10,000, $15,000, everything included. And I don't know whose teeth are in his mouth, probably some Russian soldiers who's perished in the Ukraine war. Let's not think too hard about that. Plug those teeth in there. But yeah, crazy, isn't it?

Yeah, well, I guess it's one of those things that more and more people would do, will consider doing. I imagine you'd feel like there were some risks involved, but if it works out, hey, I mean, you're saving a lot of money and potentially getting a holiday at the same time. We knew someone, we worked with someone, I think, went to Thailand, went over there to get some new fun bags, get the fun bags pumped up, and had the operation on the top level of the building and was checking what was below. They're like, oh, what's on the other levels?

And they're like, oh, you can get your lips done on the next level down. You can get your facelift on the second. Went and boom, boom, boom, all the levels. I stomped off a niche floor on the way down. Somebody stayed there for another week and a half, two weeks to recover. Came back a new woman. Like, literally, no one recognised her. Came back looking very surprised.

But obviously done for cheap as well. Yeah, if you're going to do it, I mean, why not? Yeah. So I'd love to hear from you this morning. Oh, under the hits 4487. Under the hits, the Jono and Ben podcast. I mentioned someone I know went overseas to Russia, got dental work done for a tenth of the price. Now I'm getting called out

on the text machine here, Ben, saying, Jono, spreader of misinformation and lies. Again, I'm loving people calling you out about it. Just before you said Pink Rue recorded a song in four minutes. Number one song in four minutes. Anyway, you just say stuff. But no, he was from America,

so I don't know if he was covered by ACC for whatever reason. He did go to Russia and it was enormously cheaper. So what are people calling you out for? Well, they're saying that's rubbish. You'd be covered by ACC. You would be. You're right. Yeah, it does seem like.

I'm not making this up. He's definitely making it up. I'm not. I'll track him down and we'll get him on the show tomorrow. Oh, we will, will we? Let's get him in the studio so we can see the teeth as well because otherwise it'd be someone that you've just arranged to pretend to be the person.

No. It's going to be there. Actually, Taylor, get one of those ACC calls on. I want to confront them head on. I won't hide from anything. Stand by my... Except for bringing in the person that's... I'll stand by my misinformation.

Or at least like a photo of the person with this, you know? Yeah, I will. Joe, yeah, I will. I will. Danielle, we're going to get you on from Wellington. Welcome. Overseas operations. What have you done?

What have you done overseas? Hi. Just a few months ago in April, I went to Thailand and went to Destination Beauty to have an arm lift to remove loose skin after losing 50 kilos. How much cheaper? Oh, so much cheaper. So I was looking at it in Wellington, and it's around $19,000 to get an arm lift

and just have two nights in hospital, whereas in Thailand it's only $3,500. And then me and my partner, we know, but they organise everything except for flights. And then he stayed with me in hospital, and we were there for a few nights and then, yeah, there for three weeks in total. They organized it all.

Were you worried about the treatment? Were you worried about, you know, the hygiene standards, the sanity? I was actually really, really impressed. I was a little bit worried mostly just about surgery, not about it being in Thailand. And when I was there, the service was just absolutely impeccable. They were so clean. You had cleaners in your room multiple times a day.

It was just the best service. I would rate it above what I would have got in New Zealand because I've also had surgery in New Zealand. When I said, were you worried about the sanity, I meant sanitation, the sanitising, the sanitisation. Now, Ben, can I just call my wife Jennifer? Because she's jumping in here Push the phones down here

Okay, alright He's besmirched, he's getting wound up about Getting blamed for misinformation We're going to go live, she's going to corroborate with my story Oh, of course she is, she's family You've got the family in Jimbo, Jimbo, you're live Now, can you explain further the situation about the cheap Russian dental work? with my story. Oh, of course he is. He's family. You've got the family. Jimbo, Jimbo, you're live.

She said, now, can you explain further the situation about the cheap Russian dental work? He wasn't from New Zealand. He wasn't in New Zealand, but he was working here. Right.

He wasn't covered by ACC. Oh. He fell down the stairs. He did. And knocked his teeth out. And it was at our house. Well, no, he didn't fall down the stairs at our house. Oh, okay, sorry.

But it was a friend of yours, was it? Yeah, he was going to work at our house. Yeah. So there we go. So some of it's true, some of it's not true. You can pick through some of the things. It was someone that John O'Bagley knew, did some work at their house. Didn't happen to his house.

Wasn't really a friend, but he did sound like he wasn't from here and ACC didn't cover. So there you go. Well, thank you, Jen. She clarified that. There you go. So that's why ACC didn't cover it. Yeah, thank you, man.

Hey, now the text. They're backing me as well. Four, four, eight, seven. ACC will only cover some work. My daughter knocked her tooth out, needed a special plate, wasn't covered. Okay? The people are rallying behind their man, Ben.

They're here. They're here. Thank you, Jim. Thank you. Okay. Make America great again.