Jono, Ben & Megan - The Podcast - Show Highlights: Jono Can't Stop Getting Recognised.
Episode Date: May 7, 2023Jono's been mistaken for someone Awkward family moments A shocker at the 21st Jono is entering the Pokemon market See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information....
Transcript
Discussion (0)
The Hits with the Jono and Ben podcast. Thanks to Challenge, putting the service back into service stations.
The King's coronation was getting a lot of attention right around the world.
The first time there's been a coronation since Elizabeth in 1953.
It was quite the lavish affair, wasn't it? They really go all out.
Oh yeah, a lot of ceremony stuff that I don't really understand.
You've got to put one glove on and hold the, you know, I don't know, but it's all out. Oh yeah, a lot of ceremony stuff that I don't really understand. Put one glove on and hold the, you know,
I don't know, but it's all stuff, it's all steeped
in tradition. What was the word you used
earlier today? Pompous.
Pompous affair. They kept
saying the word pompous and I'm like, are they having a
dig at this?
But yeah, pompous, overly used over the
weekend and there was a lady, I don't
know if you saw her, who
I think it was Pippa middleton
kate middleton's sister yeah her job was holding this 28 kg sword out in front of her oh jeez for
like 60 minutes oh she like imagine the core strength of that one uh katie perry was there
among many of the celebrities like lionel richie and all sorts there katie perry had a bit of a
fall outside in the high heels
and then spent a long time trying to find her seat,
looked very confused, and then she put on social media later going,
don't worry, guys, I found my seat.
Because it was quite a cause for concern.
She was sort of going, am I there?
She was probably just wandering around going, why am I here?
That's probably what was running through her head.
Awkward, like awkward family function.
I mean, when you boil it down, you said this earlier this morning,
it really is just like a family thing on the world stage.
Yeah, it's a family reunion, isn't it?
And poor, poor Harry.
The look on the guy's face is like, end me now.
Yeah.
And, like, if there was, I'll go to anything else apart from this right now.
And he was gone within 60 minutes on a plane back to the States, 28 hours, 46 minutes.
The media tracked him, tracked his flight, and he was back home.
Good on him for going, I say, because it would have been so awkward.
Like everyone would be like, well, looking at him, whispering about him, all those sorts of things.
And then you've got him going along, then you've got Prince Andrew.
You've got a whole lot.
There's a lot of awkwardness in one group, right?
But that's the great thing about families is, you know,
no family in the world doesn't have their grief.
You know, every family's got their business.
And I like catching up with people once a year that you actively try and avoid
for all the other months of the year, you know.
And there's always that one,
there's always the one inappropriate sort of uncle with borderline jokes.
Oh, that sounds like you.
That's me.
Everyone's trying to avoid that guy.
Definitely sounds like you.
Getting stuck in a conversation with that guy.
Should he be cancelled for saying this stuff?
So we want to know this morning, I'll under the hits of 4487.
Much like the Royals,
what's been the most awkward family function that you've been at?
Maybe it was a wedding.
Maybe it was a funeral.
Maybe some joke was made.
Maybe someone did something embarrassing.
You don't have to name particular names.
You can just say,
oh,
Uncle Jono,
if you want.
I want to know exactly who you mean.
Yeah.
Oh,
so you don't name any names,
but just name my name.
Everyone can be Uncle Jono.
Okay.
Have you had an Uncle Jono?
0800 the hits, 4487.
We'll get your calls and texts on next week.
And the Royal Family, they took everything to church over the weekend
for the coronation of the king.
Jeez, that was spectacular.
Ben Boyce, get them off to the Universe Radio Awards.
There's no award for best segue of the year.
But we are talking about awkward,
because essentially it was a bit of an awkward family function.
The royals that everyone around the world got to see that.
Harry there, they had.
Andrew there, they had.
A whole lot of awkwardness.
All your favourite characters.
A couple they probably wanted to delete from the invite list.
Oscar, my son, he watched it.
And this is a 13-year-old's recollection of the coronation.
Basically, they just use like really
like old fancy things everyone who went there was really old there was like lots of like old people
and everything was ancient and it was all golden and yeah everyone was like old it was pretty yeah
it's pretty good summary i think from my school, when you're 13, your kids are... Everyone's old.
2010 was ancient.
Yeah.
Put it in perspective, don't you?
So, yeah, we are calling it the world's most awkward family function,
particularly for Harry, who dotted off within 60 minutes after the event.
And good, great, great exit, too.
Because they're all swept up in the back end of the congregation. They've got to go to the balcony or something.
I'm just going to dot off to the toilet.
Okay. And he's done. But there can going to don up to the toilet. Okay.
And he's done.
But there can be some awkward moments that happen in family functions.
That's what we're going to know on 0800.
I do remember a story a mate of ours, remember she was a pool bearer at a funeral.
You know, very sad, solemn occasion.
But walking up the aisle and her dress, she had a little hook on her dress
and it got caught on basically a little
got caught on the hook to the pew
and her dress came straight off
Ripped straight off but she's got hands
obviously occupied with the coffin, can't do
anything about it. She can't stop
has to keep walking to the end of the aisle
They all found the funny side of it later but at the time
very embarrassing for her, very awkward in a family
function. No well you never want to be in your underpants
carrying a coffin, that's always my life function. No, well, you never want to be in your underpants carrying a coffin.
That's always my life rule.
We're going to go to Jean in Wellington, awkward family functions.
What happened, Jean?
Hello.
So I had my 21st birthday where obviously my parents were there,
but also all of my extended family had been invited.
And I was probably one of the first of my friends to turn 21,
so my friends who did speeches didn't really know, I guess, the etiquette.
They hadn't read the room.
They hadn't read the room.
And my best friend got up and decided to do a speech
about pretty much every single person and the details that I had slept with leading up to my
25th. And when I say details
I mean like she went in.
No details are spared.
How did the family react to this? Not good.
My mum's cousin who was there
went up to my friend
and told her
she was disgusting.
It was awful.
It was the most
embarrassing moment
of my life
and, you know,
eight years later
to this day
I still cringe
You still cringe.
You never want to
blow by blow
account of your
bedroom history,
do you?
At your 21st.
Oh, gee,
we're going to send you
off to Guardians of the Galaxy, all right?
Awesome.
Thank you so much.
Thank you for listening.
Really appreciate it.
We're going to get Jane on from Walkworth, Awkward Family Function.
So I went to a family reunion, like quite intimate,
but like a lot of the wider family, like 25 people,
and my cousin made me laugh so hard that I literally pissed myself.
Oh, no.
So I just had to kind of shuffle out of that situation
and not say hi to a lot of people.
Where did she go?
Oh, no, no, no.
She got here for five minutes, had a laugh and left.
I can send you along to Guardians of the Galaxy Volume 3
Enjoy that
It's a great new movie
Thanks guys
I remember doing that
In a sleeping bag
At a sleepover
Really?
Yeah, last week
And I was about ten years old
And I wouldn't get out
Of the sleeping bag
Oh fair enough
Hey, it's ten o'clock
In the morning the next day
Like a caterpillar.
The Hits, the Jono and Ben podcast.
It is Ed Sheeran, eyes closed, from his new album Subtract,
which just dropped on Friday.
And after his court case, he obviously had the plagiarism court case.
He was successful in that.
But he's going around America at the moment.
There's little pop-up stores for Ed Sheeran merchandise. And's doing impromptu concerts outside them and it's pretty cool yeah although
he jumped on a car outside one in New York and it was like a Volvo and all I could see was the roof
starting to get damaged I'm like whose car's this like is someone going to come back and go
I just popped into the deli there and all Ed Sheeran's jumping up and down on my roof big
panel beating job there although I did see afterwards that Ed Sheeran's jumping up and down on my roof. Big panel beating job there.
Although I did see afterwards that Ed Sheeran did say,
hey, the Volvo that we put out there didn't really handle my weight too well,
so I think he's going to be on some sort of ice cream truck in LA or something.
So obviously they'd put the car out there.
But also to even get the parking in somewhere like New York,
directly outside the shop.
I mean, kudos to the Sheeran team. Well done Ed Sheeran
I reckon after
8 o'clock Ben we send you out with a guitar to jump
up and down on some car roofs outside
I can't play guitar, I can't get a crowd
around but you're right. Just jump up and down
obnoxiously on a car roof
This is Motivational Monday, it's time to give you
that pep in the step.
This is designed to get you going,
get you humming like those black market steroids
you get from Eastern Europe, Ben.
That's right.
Israel Adesanya, UFC fighter,
based out of New Zealand.
He's a very motivational guy,
very driven, very focused, isn't he?
Yeah.
And this is some audio of him discussing
pleasing people. people just trying to
fit in it's just people pleasing and it's not it's not the best way to live it's not the best
way to live because you can't make everyone happy and someone's always going to find something wrong
with what you're doing or how you're living or whatever so yeah i it took me a long time but
eventually i got to the point where i just don't, I really don't care what anyone else thinks.
Apart from those who I give a f*** about,
I care what they think.
But anyone else who is not really,
I guess I don't have any emotional attachment to,
f*** them.
Good message.
Yeah, it's true.
Really good message.
You know, and he's teaching us a lesson,
like he taught that little toe rag of a kid a lesson
after that fight.
Yeah.
That's good.
But it is so, I mean, he says that,
but that's what the radio industry
is built on.
All we want to do
is please people.
Us narcissistic radio announcers.
But really,
it's just other people.
I think the older you get,
too,
other people's just opinions.
Yeah,
I get like,
when we look at social media,
I'm like,
why do all these people
feel the need to comment on something?
If you don't like something,
you don't actually have to comment on it,
but everyone has to put their thing in there or bring someone down.
I was like, well, we don't need to do that.
People's opinions suck.
My opinion sucks to someone else.
You know, we spout off opinion three hours a day.
And Chris Hipkins must be like, hey, thanks, weird radio announcer,
but I think I might listen to Grant Robinson when it comes to the economy.
You know?
Yeah.
It's just opinion.
But for people you care about, then listen to their opinion.
That's a good message.
That was the message today.
That's your Monday motivation.
The hits.
The Jono and Ben podcast.
Morning.
Now, the International Comedy Festival kicks off this week right across the country.
And her show is called Big Mum Energy.
Lana Walters, good morning.
Hi, Jono.
How are you going?
Good.
Lovely to see you.
You always have a very friendly smile you have, I notice.
I mean, look, it would be weird to have a scary smile.
It would.
Now, your show is called Big Mum Energy.
Yes, that's right.
As Jono was saying before, very cute bubba.
Thank you.
I'm guessing it's your actual bubba in the photos?
In the photo, that was a paid baby.
We did auditions.
My child was like, she was so close to making it.
But she wasn't quite what you were looking for.
What have you noticed about becoming a mum that you're like, this is just hilarious?
Oh my gosh.
One of the things I talk about in my show is like when I went to give birth and I had
booked the birthing pool and it was booked out.
It was like the onsen spa of birthing pools.
And I was in the room next to the birthing pool
so I had to hear everyone enjoying the birthing pool
next door the whole time.
Is the birthing pool meant to be a more relaxed,
I don't know how relaxing the experience would be,
but is it meant to be a nicer location?
It's a spa, you know.
I assume you get cocktails.
Take some Instagram photos as well.
You got the jets going.
Yeah, I think it's like that.
I haven't never been in one before.
They'd give the bloody birthing pool a good hosing out,
wouldn't they, afterwards?
I don't know.
It's just like a party pool.
Put some chlorine in it.
All right, we're doing the toaster interviews
for the New Zealand International Comedy Festival.
So we're going to pop the toaster down.
We've got some Vogels in here. And when the toaster pops, the New Zealand International Comedy Festival. So we're going to pop the toaster down. We've got some Vogels in here.
And when the toaster pops, the interview's over.
So here we go.
Okay.
That's my old toaster, actually.
I tried to palm off to our producer, Joel.
But apparently this is quite a fire hazard.
It started smoking last time we did this.
Okay.
So describe your comedy act for people that haven't seen you before.
Yeah.
So the whole show is basically just like hardcore mum stuff.
Like I'm talking about breastfeeding, I'm talking about birth,
I'm talking about going along to parenting classes.
I personally had not seen a lot of stand-up about any of those topics
and I've had really good responses.
I've had mums come up and say,
oh, it's so good to hear someone actually talk about
how breastfeeding can be really boring.
I suppose, yeah.
30 minutes of time.
Exactly.
I'd spend a lot of time just on my phone, on TikTok or something like that when I'm breastfeeding.
And the worst time would be if I would drop my phone while I was breastfeeding.
And then you're stuck with your own thoughts.
Now, what's been the best gig, worst gig?
Oh, best gig. I guess anyone you get laid after.
No.
No, I mean, look, that's sort of more male comedians.
I had taken some Tinder dates along and definitely impressed my current partner with an early Tinder date.
Oh, so you brought them along, like you were dating and then you said, come along to my show.
Yeah, you said, you know, come, I'll get you the special seat.
Oh, yeah.
Copy it, copy it, yeah.
Is that how you met your partner?
Oh, we met on Tinder, yeah.
And Tinder, and you said, meet me at my comedy gig.
Oh, we met at a bar first and then I took them to a comedy gig.
No, but if it's your own comedy gig, are you spending the whole, I'd be spending the whole
time kind of watching them going, are they laughing at this?
Are they not laughing at this?
Is what's, you know, it's almost like having a date with a whole lot of other
people in the room isn't it exactly i mean you know but you've got to figure out early if you're
dating a comedian if you find them funny otherwise you're going to be punished for your whole life
well that's true and if the date goes bad you can just hide backstage
i came out and he had left
it's a bit of worst gig like do you have a worst gig It's a bit of a worse gig
Do you have a worse gig that's top of mind
As far as performing
I did some gigs when I was pregnant
Where I was vomiting the second before I went on stage
Oh jeez
We'll try and get one more question in before the toast pops
If a joke falls flat
Is that it? Is that the end of the joke for you?
Or you're like no no
I can bring this back, I can do this again.
The theory I've heard is try it three times in front of an audience,
and then if it's still not working, you've got to get rid of it.
Three times?
Okay, we'll be doing it for 10 years.
Still keep going.
Oh, Lana.
Oh, there we go.
There we go.
The toast is up.
The toast is up.
Lana Walters, Big Mum Energy.
Yeah, it looks very funny.
I think a lot of the listeners right now for the hits would love to come along
and see you as well. Please come along. Get a babysitter. It's worth it. I think a lot of the listeners right now for The Hits would love to come along and see you as well.
Please come along.
Get a babysitter.
It's worth it.
You deserve a night out.
Come along and talk mum stuff.
The Hits, the Jono and Ben podcast.
I had a conversation with Rachel,
who works out in the office a couple of weeks ago,
and she said,
oh, I gave all of my old Pokemon cards
from when I was a teenager to my nephew.
And then discovered
three or four days later
that one of the cards
was worth
$7,000. Oh my goodness.
Seven grand. And she's
like, can I get it back?
She's like, oh, don't
worry, you can hold on to it. She left it
with me. Better person than
me. And i knew in
the back of my head that she's telling this story i'm like well oscar my son he had his pokemon
period a few years back and all the cards are sort of left in a giant plastic bin you know
and like a bit not not like the recycling wheelie but like an actual like a storage
you never know when things come back round yeah yeah true but you
don't you know that now but at the time there's so many things that you probably got rid of that
are worth a lot of money yeah like yeah all of your old vinyl people were throwing so much vinyl
out back in the day and now top dollar for vinyl so i went home that night and i was like oscar
forget your homework forget Forget your education.
Okay?
You are going through every single one of those Pokemon cards one by one,
cross-examining them on the internet to see if any of them are worth anything.
Yeah.
We've got a big banger.
Oh, really?
We've got a big banger.
Really?
Charizard.
Oh, wow.
It's a Charizard card.
Yeah. What are you looking at me for like that, Producer Joel?
Charizard.
Charizard.
Okay, yeah. At least you don't have to say it the name isn't important the value the dollar value is important to me
1500 bucks 1500 bucks oh that's awesome well now producer joel what are you a pokemon fan are you
i went through a bit of a phase of of um like last year when it got really big looking at the prices
and stuff as well i'm pretty sure they have to be kept in pristine condition
in cases and stuff to be worth this money.
Don't you worry about that.
We are treating it like a newborn baby.
I bought it a bloody pram.
It's got a cot.
We're caring for this thing.
But I'm like, what loser's going to pay $1,500 for this?
Don't tell them that before you make the deal.
What nerd's going to go,
I spent $1,00 on a Pokemon card
Shocking investment
Who knows
People do that though
Sometimes you are sitting on a gold mine
You don't even know it
On a Charizard or whatever I'm sitting on
0800 the telephone number
This is what we want to open
4487 on the text
Sellouts, the sellout line
What have you found in your house
And made mint off it?
Well, maybe you've sold something, you know,
and made hundreds and hundreds of dollars.
Doesn't Amanda, your wife, have an original,
her granddad was an All Black?
Yeah, original, yeah.
Like, we haven't hocked that off.
No, but you could.
Well, yeah.
She doesn't need to know.
Well, she will now.
I'll just replace it with one I got.
It was an All Black jersey made out of wool.
Yeah, wool from back in the day.
They used to play in wool.
I know.
Yeah, from back in the day.
You could sell that.
Replace it with one of the ones.
It was all sponsored.
I don't know if it was sponsored back in the day.
Yeah, AIG was all over them, mate.
Enios.
Ben, I was just saying that Rachel out in the office was telling me a story
how she gifted a whole bunch of Pokemon cards to her nephew,
old Pokemon cards she had from years gone by.
Found out that one of them's worth $7,000.
Wow. This
inspired me to go home and
get my son Oscar to dust off his old
Pokemon cards, pull them out of the attic
and I was like, you go through all 251
of those cards, mate, and see if there's a retirement
plan hidden in there. And we've got one!
One? That's awesome. Charizard!
Charizard!
Charizard!
Anyway, whatever it's called Charizard. Charizard. Charizard. Charizard.
Anyway, whatever it's called, $15,000.
$15,000?
It started at $1,500 before.
Now it's gone up.
Someone's bidding on it.
You never know what those things are going to be worth.
Now, I remember when I was little, this is actually a story,
when I look back, I'm like, well, the legalities of the story I'm not too sure about.
But my mum, back in the day day she gifted some stuff of my sister and mine some toys some old toys well
she thought they were old toys to the church up there I put them in a box inside the foyer of
the church and when we found out about this we're like what you've taken our stuff up there was one
particular toy each that we were very upset about so my sister and I did like an Ocean's Eleven
heist a reconnaissance mission to get one of the one toy back that we were very upset about. So my sister and I did like an Ocean's Eleven heist to get
one toy back that we wanted because
the church was going to go on sale this stuff.
We didn't consent
to our toys going up there.
So hold on, let me get this straight. Your mum
kindly gifts, donates goods
to the church who are probably going to give them to
lepers in some country.
Or they might have sold them. They might have
been worth thousands. I don't think the church is into hocking off toys.
I don't know.
There was one particular toy for me and my sister.
The rest we left there.
So you went and stole off a church?
It was mine in the first place.
I hadn't given it across to them, but we did.
We went into the foyer and we grabbed out one thing each and we left.
I'll say some prayers for you tonight, my friend.
Thank you.
Will you?
Yeah.
The show Catholic.
0800 the hits. Sellouts, what have you sold?
You can text 4487 as
well. Sarah with us, how are you?
Good, thank you. Lovely to
have you on the show this morning.
Precious items that you've sold, what was
it? I
sold an engagement ring from
a cheating boyfriend
fiance
and bought a dirt bike.
Oh, you sold it.
What did you get for the engagement ring?
I think I got somewhere between one and two grand.
Oh, that is good cash.
What, did you go down to the bloody gold house
opposite the casino there, or where did you go?
No, just good old trade me.
Yeah, good on you.
And the boyfriend, the philandering fiancé,
did he ask for the ring back at any point?
No.
I did ask for it back.
I don't know why, but I did.
But no, he let me keep it, which I did not do.
And you bought a dirt bike.
Does the dirt bike bring you a lot of joy?
So much.
More than he ever did. More committed? Was the dirt bike more you a lot of joy? So much. More than he ever did.
More committed?
Was the dirt bike more committed?
Yeah, I still have it.
So yeah, it's solid.
Dirt bike hang around?
And it's a far better ride.
You know what?
This whole time I was like, don't say it, Pryor.
Don't say it.
Hey, you didn't need to.
I didn't need to.
You didn't need to.
Sarah did.
That's a beautiful thing about that.
I love you guys and my people.
Yeah, I love it, Sarah.
I love it.