Jono, Ben & Megan - The Podcast - Show Highlights: Jono's Been Stringing One Of The Greatest Parent Lies Ever!

Episode Date: April 17, 2023

Jono's great lie Ben's getting frightened again What are you lying to your kids about Ben's novus ad has been remixed! See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

The Hits, with the Jono and Ben podcast. Cheers to Dilma, making the world a better tea. Kia ora, welcome. This is the Jono and Ben podcast in association, proudly, brought to you by Challenge Petrol Service Stations. Who's that dinging? Oh, it's a text coming through. Talk to me, read it. Okay? It dings, you read it. Oh, no. You know the rules of the podcast.

Okay, where are we here? only read it if it's not too sensitive i'm gonna make you read out oh no okay yeah it's to do with that that my kids are staying over at my grandparents because we've got a birthday party this weekend that we're going to say and what do they see what are the grandparents said oh no just working on man is just like is that well is that what the plan is my wife is What are you going to say back? Yeah, that's probably, yeah. And so she will now talk to your mother-in-law, Joyce? Yeah. And Joyce will, do you think, will happily oblige to that? Yeah, I think so.

I think so. That's the first option. And then we'll, you know. And what's your backup? Because every parent has a backup option that you have to call off the bench. Who's your backup? Oh, we have a few backups and stuff. But, you know, Joyce is good.

I mean, now the kids, they love having sleepovers at mates' places as well, too. But you can't initiate a sleepover. Well, it is tougher. Sometimes you're like, hey. Yeah, it's a tougher one to front foot normally, isn't it? Sorry, are you asking me to – are you burdening your children on me for the evening next year? Yeah. It is a tougher one to play because then you have to reciprocate the sleepover.

Yeah, which. Yeah. It is a tough one to play because then you have to reciprocate the sleepover. Yeah, which, you know, it's just fine. The other thing I've found too with sleepovers, because we're both in that beautiful wheelhouse of kids, as soon as, like, sometimes out of the school gate, they've been masterminding a sleepover in the playground. And it's, oh, can Harriet and Sarah and Dad, like, 29 kids come for a sleepover. Yeah, yeah. And you always have to be the, oh, no, sorry, just not tonight.

Yeah. You know? And they're like, why? We're not, you know, yeah. We did a triple header last week. Oh. Triple header sleepover. Same people.

Yeah. Three days, in the morning, first thing they wake up in the morning, they're like, can we go another night? Oh, another night. Yeah. Because this thing, when we push one more thing, it's like, oh, they need to go in the morning. Oh, what about just lunch?

Oh, what about just, you know, think, oh, what about dinner? They get to dinner. I'm like, oh, I know what's happening. We're going for night two. We're going for night two. I haven't done the double yet. Yeah, they do a good game. They play a smart game, these kids.

Yeah, I'm like, now, all right, guys, wrap it up. There we go. Today on the podcast, had a fun show today. Second show back after a few days off. Ben, you, speaking of your kids you blamed uh you blamed you not maybe standing up as the person you should have on a child well yeah like my child she seen a blamed herself and i went yeah i went along with it maybe in hindsight i probably don't feel bad how many sleepovers you've accommodated yeah yeah true actually

don't feel bad at all. And something you created too, Ben, something in the past, years gone by, how many years ago? Oh, this would have been like 20 years ago, yeah.

Has found a new lease on life. Yeah. A cool lease on life too, like a retro. Yeah, probably 20 years ago. Yeah, 20 years ago.

It's been, something that Ben created has been remixed, remastered, and. Cut up and destroyed by DJ Savir, no. It's been something that Ben created has been remixed, remastered. Cut up and destroyed by DJ Sevier? No. Major Flavors out now. That's right.

That's right. It's a niche reference that you get. It was a great album. It was awesome. Shout out to Phil too. Yeah, he's awesome. Wonderful guy. But no, it has been remixed, remastered, and it's pretty cool.

Check it out on the podcast. The Hits, the Jono and Ben podcast. Thanks for hanging out with us on New Zealand's Breakfast, the middle of school holidays. And I mentioned it before, my son Oscar, he's obsessed with basketball. His dream is to go to a college in America. Oh, nice.

He's only a few years away. And to play, obviously, not just to go and visit. I went to Harvard. I actually went to Harvard and just visited, but now I can say I went to Harvard just for that reason. Oh, yeah. I went to Harvard. I actually went to Harvard and just visited, but now I can say I went to Harvard just for that reason. I went to Harvard. So we've got a basketball hoop, but it's old. It's been around for probably seven or eight years,

this basketball hoop. It's rusty. It's a safety hazard. It could go at any moment, like Joe Biden. You never know when this thing's going to end. And every week or so for the last two years, go at any moment like joe biden um you never know when this thing's gonna end and every every week or so for the last two years he's like can i please get a new basketball hoop can i please birthdays come they're expensive too and very hard to put together this is my thing this is my thing

i don't want to get the basketball hoop because I can't face putting together a basketball hoop. It is the most difficult construction. Yeah. Like the one I've put together is kind of on a, it's like the Leaning Tower of Pisa. And you're like,

how's this thing still standing? Floods and all sorts. It's stuck through the elements. Yeah. But yeah, if you ever want to test a relationship, you can do the flat pack stuff. You know,

that really puts some high pressure hot sauce on a couple. But I tell you what, assemble a basketball hoop together. Take it to the next level. Yeah, I know. I have had to do a basketball hoop before, and I was no good at it. It was very complicated. I've got sort of PTAD, post-traumatic assembly disorder, from the last one. So that's why I don't want to get a new one for the fear of having to try

and put together a basketball hoop. So I have said to him, it's great that you practice on an old, rusty hoop that's no good and is kind of on a lean because then when you get into the gymnasium on the proper hoops, you're going to get the ball in 100% of the time. Because it's a better hoop. You practice on something that's difficult. I buy it.

I'm buying your lie. Thank you. It just came out. There might be some truth to it, to be honest. There might be. And he came home from training that day. He's like, you know what? Your theory on training on a crappy hoop and going on to the good one,

it's 100% true. I was getting all the shots, it's 100% true. I was getting all the shots and I was like, thank God. The lie has been told so much to the point. The propaganda has been forced. Kind of like what they're telling the people in North Korea, whatever you're saying to them over there. Say it enough.

Say it consistently. They start to believe it. Well, there you go. So, I mean, you can't be the first parent out there that is told. I mean, it's part of parenting, particularly at that age, you know, where kids, they don't know any better. No, it's fun to lie to them. Oh, yeah, we used to, with the fridge beeping,

when the fridge beeped, we used to go, oh, it's going to explode, you need to shut the fridge door, you know, because it would beep. And Indy, with like an action hero, she would be like running towards the fridge, it's going to explode, everyone. And we just like, we didn't tell her otherwise, because it was quite fun watching her just rush towards the fridge. Causes a lot of issues later in life, in adult life.

Yeah, it probably does, actually. We're scarring a lot of childhoods with these lies. But for the meantime, they're fun. Oh, mum did it to me. Yeah. Oh, they could deal with it with therapy. Multiple times, you know. So what are you telling?

What lies are you telling your kids? 0800 The Hits, 4487 the best lies next. The hits, the Jono and Ben podcast. What lies have you told your kids? Or maybe you were told as a kid. We want to know this morning. I've been lying about a rusty old basketball hoop that my son wants to replace. Just saying it's better to train on a rusty old run down one.

Because even when you get on the proper ones, you're going to be. I call myself Libron James. So many lies have been told. but it's been a slam dunk so far you bought it you bought i'm buying into it it seems to make sense from what we're yeah yeah and it's purely out of fear of having to assemble a 1300 piece basketball set again now which you've been through did you do that yourself no no no i looked at i tried to then i got a mate over who's actually good with that made a couple cups of tea you know morale chatted to him probably was annoying while he was trying to focus you know that's the thing yeah good on you you are good for morale all right let's get to the phones uh lies you're telling your kids maria you're on from auckland morena

hi morning um we um we told our that Mr. Whippy only plays his music when he's run out of ice cream. Oh, that's a classic, but it's a good one. But we've said it so many times on radio that surely the kids are starting to cotton on. We've come clean to it. They still call for it. They're still suckers.

The logic behind it makes no sense. Why is Mr. Whippy? Maybe like a siren. I've got to get back, guys. I'm out of ice cream. I've got to get back. Why is Mr. Whippy? Maybe like a siren. I've got to get back, guys. I'm out of ice cream. I've got to get back. Let me through. Maybe, you know.

Maybe. But you're right. Still, it doesn't stack up for me. It's like, guys, guys. Guys, guess what? I've run out of ice cream, but I won't make any noise when I've got ice cream. No. Yeah.

Hey, it still works. They believe it. Oh, good. I like it. Good on you, Marie. You're going to have a great Tuesday. You too. Thanks, guys. We'll go to Hamilton. Darlene, get you on. The lies you. I like it. Good on you, Marie. You're going to have a great Tuesday. You too. Thanks, guys.

We'll go to Hamilton. Darlene, get you on. The lies you're telling your kids. Welcome. Hi. How are you doing? We're doing well, mate. Lovely to have you on.

What lies are you spinning? Can I just lead with, I love chocolate and I'm not a sharer. Okay. Yep. All right. Fair enough. When my kids were little, I were little, any chocolate I had, I used to tell them that it had alcohol in it and that they weren't allowed it.

Great play. That's a good play. Yeah. Have they gotten on now? No. No, they still haven't. Mind you, they're getting close to the age where they will be able to eat all of them. One day they're going to be pretty filthy on you, darling.

Yeah, yeah. Enjoy that chocolate while it lasts, all right? Yeah, will do. Good on you. Have a great day in Hamilton. Pairoa. I went through Pairoa the other day. What a beautiful part of New Zealand, Tanya.

Hi. How are you? She's not going to back that up. She's like, you don't have to live here, mate. It's raining. Oh, well, what lies are you telling your kids there, Tanya? For about 10 years, I've told my son that if his room's not clean

that he can't live with us because his older sibling, Benjamin, has already been taken because of it. Oh, so you're like a kidnap block. Oh, jeez, it's got to be quite a dark. So he believes he has an older brother who's been taken away. Yeah, he said to go live with another family because his room couldn't be clean.

How deep have you gone into this role play? To the point, it's been about 10 years. He's coming up 13 now. I'm traumatised that I'm not there. I feel like anyway. Do you have like a room for Benjamin? Oh jeez. No, no, no, because

he's gone mate. He's gone, he's gone. He had a room, he didn't tidy it, he's gone. Oh jeez, alright. So a couple of years ago he started to not believe it, so a Christmas present showed up from Benjamin. Wow, you've got to deal with, anyway. That is, I tell you what, you've got to deal with... That's a mental torment.

That is... I'll tell you what, you've got to tidy your room at Tanya's house or you're cut from the team. Love it. Well, you, Benjamin, and your family, have a great day. Thanks.

Jeez, all right. Maybe you could turn up one day and be like, it's me, Benjamin. Come back. The older brother. Jeez, I don't want to be involved in that. The Hits, the Jono and Ben podcast. It is the second week of school holidays,

but unfair because it's a teacher's only day for most kids, I think, on Monday and then Anzac Day next week. So they kick back in Wednesday. It just really keeps rolling on. What a dream run for kids, right? A huge run, yeah. It's what you don't appreciate when you are experiencing that as a child. No.

Going to bed at 7.30. What I wouldn't give to get to bed at 7.30. Holidays nine months of the year. The teachers must be loving it. They get all this time off. Let's not get the teachers. The teachers need to pay them less. They have so many holidays.

No, not at all. Geez. We're working hard, the teachers. No, you do pay them more. And now actually something that I got, we were talking yesterday about all the activities I ended up doing for the school holidays with my kids. And one of them, we went to-

An activity per day. Sometimes two activities crammed into one day. I'd like to know I've done something. I've done something, you know, that's cool, we did something on that day and we went to a weirdo workshop. You've been there before. It's in the city. Probably, yeah before it's in in the city probably yeah it's in the uh sky tower the

problem is though when you do so many activities you forget you forget what activities you've done lessen the activities and then they'll stand out more yeah well we took the kids along to where the workshops and it's really incredible it's from the you know the same people that make all the amazing props and costumes for movies or hollywood movies and they've made a sort of from where to workshop yeah otherwise it'd be a huge, huge copyright case if it was some sort of rogue organization. They've made this interactive display. There's all these things.

So you go through these different sort of, they're made sort of movies, whether they're action movies or like space movies. There's a horror movie sort of section. They've made this sort of fictitious horror movie. And there's a part in the tour where they're like, hey, you can have two options here. You can go through.

It's kind of like this fake slaughterhouse sort of thing with all this meat carcasses and stuff and it gets quite tight and narrow and it's dark and there's a fright. It's the Mad Butcher's, Mad Butcher Dreams Heaven is like. Yeah, exactly. It gets quite dark, it goes narrow

and there's a bit of a fright. There's a jump scare. They tell you all this at the start or you can take the not the nice pathway through the sort of gnomes and the sort of fairies and stuff like that and so my daughter indy the youngest is like i'd like to take the gnome option and look at gnome option and my wife for some reason i don't want my wife went i'll take indy you go with sienna and i know why because my wife's the brave one and we talked about this when someone we thought someone was on the property that day she's out there with she's got a phone out she's all you know i'm inside going i don't

know what to do and so i was like well you're sending me through to the dark you're like i'm the gnomes and fairies guy yeah i'm not the slaughterhouse guy you're the slaughterhouse but sienna my daughter the oldest daughter she's like i i think i want to do it. I'm like, you sure you want to do it? Thinking, hoping shed back out. She's like, no, no, I want to do it. This is when you need to plant a seed of doubt in her mind. Yeah. So I went, okay, well, how bad can it be?

Because, you know, obviously it's all make-believe. It's all movies. But we got through and we were leading the charge of the people. And I'm like, oh, that's not good. You don't want to be mid-pack, don't you? You don't want to be front or back. Walking through, it's getting dark. It's getting narrow. It's getting things. of the people and I'm like oh that's not good you don't want to be mid-packed you don't want to be front or back walking through it's getting dark

it's getting narrow it's getting things and I'm like you know I looked at her I was like you okay and she's like

yep walked a bit further I'm like I'm starting to get a little freaked out I don't know how she's feeling so I asked her

and she's like I think I'm sorry I think I want to go back great and I'm like great in my head

I'm like great but I'm like you sure if that's oh yeah oh I know okay come on. But I'm like, you sure? If that's on, yeah. Oh, I know. Okay, come on then. I went back and afterwards, you know, she was so apologetic.

She was like, I'm so sorry. I'm sorry you didn't get to go through that. And I didn't have the heart to tell her. I didn't want to go through it. No, you don't have to tell her. I don't have to? No. But I felt bad.

I felt bad that it was all, I was scared. I was the most scared out of anyone and I didn't want to do it. But I feel like now she feels like she's taken this away from me no it's good keep it up keep up appearances keep your cred up

but I don't have any cred hey don't have any cred well just try and build some mate so here's the starting line okay okay so what

okay jeez pull yourself together this is when credibility day one happens with being a voice okay

we keep up this rule. All right, so I really wanted to do it. I was happy to do it, and she let me down. This is why you have kids. You can blame them for stuff. The other night I blamed the kids for leaving the light on, and it was me. And I did it for no other reason

apart from the fact that they just knew I could wield that power. And they were like, no, it wasn't. It was me. I was like, no, it wasn't. You know? This is the advantage of just being older, mate. We don't have many joys in life, but you do. The Hits, the Jono and Ben podcast.

Jono and Ben's name game with Dole Bananas. Now, it is International Banana Day tomorrow. We've teamed up with Dole to give you the chance to win cash every morning. So, it's a wee fun little game. It's the name game. Now, you call us on 800thethits, we find someone with a name because everyone's got a name

and then we throw it out there, see if we can get within 60 seconds a bunch of people, two other people with the same name and then they'll banana split the cash. And today's amount is 300 bucks so that means $100 each if we get three of them on the phone.

We're reading an ad for Dole Banana Day and New Zealand per capita consumes more bananas annually. We love breaking down stuff per capita. More bananas annually than any other country in the world. I was driving to work this morning thinking, not everyone eats bananas. That means

some of you are eating over 18kgs is the average. They would average that out with the population. I've probably done it. Yeah, you're probably doing 40, mate. Yeah. Probably doing 40, 50 kgs a day. I'm doing my stuff. I'm doing my stuff to help out, to help get us in the stats, mate. Yeah, alright. It's his commitment.

Who have we got on the phone? We'll get to Palmerston North. Who's here? It's Bill, is it? Bill Cosby. Okay, can we find two other Bill Cosby's? No, let's not find a Cosby's. It's your competition. No, it's only on the first name,

and I'm going to ignore the last name, all right? Yeah, Billy. See you, Tania. Oh, there you are, Tania. Well played, well played, but hey. Well played. Sabotage this competition. Hey, it's a Bill.

That's the last we'll hear of Bill. Is Bill your actual name? No, no, Justin. Okay, so now we need to pivot. We need to pivot. And you've rattled him, Justin. I was so happy about this competition too. Now everyone's going to find out. Okay, so two other Justins. Justin? Yeah, Brad, I was so happy about this competition too. Now I'm like,

oh. Now everyone's going to find out, man. Okay, so two other Justins. Okay, and I'll enter in the hits

with 60 seconds on the clock. If your name is Justin, give us a call right now and you can, if we get three, you'll split 300 bucks or 100 bucks each.

What are you doing in Palmerston North, Justo? I'm a builder. Oh, nice. We love to tell you who loves Palmerston North. Me, I did'm a builder. Oh, nice. We love to tell you who loves Palmerston North.

Me, I did. I did up until 10 seconds ago. 0800, that's the telephone number. Have we got two other Justins? There is $300 in the prize pool waiting for Justins. It'll be split three ways, banana split three ways. Let's go to line four. Have we got a Justin on the phone, producer B-Humps?

He's looking panicked. He's looking stressed. We've got a full board of calls, Justin. Oh, where did you get? Okay, let's get some people. Let's go to line four. Who's on the phone? Justin.

Oh, Justin. Okay, that's great. Now, can we get another one? Oh, no, we're under the hits. Can we? Oh, there's a lot of people. How many seconds left there, producer Joel? Ah, 13 seconds.

13 seconds. Let's go a line five. Have we got a third, Justin? Justin? Justin? You there? Justin? Justin?

Justin? Say something. Nelson Justin. Yes. He was there. He was there. I think we should give it. Who are these people screaming down the phone at me? Yeah, yeah. I had no idea what was going on. Sorry. Yeah, no. Well, there's I think we should give it. Who are these people screaming down the phone at me?

I had no idea what was going on, sorry. There's three Justins on the phone. Why don't you all talk, get to know each other. Hey guys, how we doing? Well done. You guys have got $100 each and it was, to use a pun, just in time. Right at the end there you came

through, so well done, $100 each. Cool. Thanks for that. Well done. Thank you all very much for listening. Go and have a wonderful Tuesday. Have a great one. Thank you.

You too. It'll be back again tomorrow with a brand new name and hopefully a slightly less controversial tomorrow. Well, speaking of controversial, I did something highly controversial yesterday afternoon. Many people aren't doing it now. I'll tell you what it is next. It is the hits. You got Jono and Ben?

The hits. The Jono and Ben podcast. A tropical disturbance is what they're calling it. It's coming our way. It means some bad weather is going to be here later in the week affecting the Lower North Island and the South Island as well. So it's just what we need. But I guess we are now technically heading in towards winter,

whereas before summer was just a shocker, wasn't it? Well, it's nice to have a tropical disturbance in winter. You know, let's look at the positive silver lining here. I had a wonderful morning this morning, Ben. We've mentioned a couple of times we park. We park a couple of blocks away at the casino, the 24-hour casino. Love the characters you bump into at the casino. It's always quite an interesting little experience around 5 o'clock in the morning.

I'll tell you what. Us, with the people around the casino, those are our people. Those are our people. John, I've been. It's like, where were you guys when the TV show ended? We'd still be charging away. 12 years deep if these people were still watching. Anyway, this morning I was on the phone to producer Humphrey.

I was in the foyer and there was a lady of the evening getting changed. Okay, just outside the foyer. And I was on the phone to producer B. Humphrey. She said, have you got 10? Hi, it's you. First question, have you got 10 bucks? And I didn't. I don't carry, you know.

Yeah, no cash. If possible, you've got facilities. Oh, it's probably upstairs there would be cash out. You can tap and go. You know, there's options. And then she said, tell Ben I love him. You heard that through the phone. Tell Ben I love him.

Me? You. Oh, me. Oh, that's good. No, I don't know why. I'm a hang, you know. In a work capacity. But she was very, very thankful for everything you've done.

That's good. Well, actually, something that I have done many years ago, we've talked about this a couple of times, Novus Windscreens, the company, the jingle, the Novus jingle was something that I was part of creating and singing on, and it's probably the only ad when I write ads that's still around today. Oh, Novus? Yeah, oh, Novus, show us your crack.

We probably don't need it because you would have heard it many, many times. Say the oh, Novus thing. Oh, Novus, yeah. It's the oh, Novus. Yeah, Ah, Novus, Shows Your Crack. We probably don't need it because you would have heard it many, many times. Say the Ah, Novus thing. Ah, Novus. It's the Ah, Novus guy. But it's just been remixed. Now, producer Joel found this on a much cooler station, a radio station, right? It's a bit of a crime, this song there. So you think of the Novus jingle.

Well, how about it gets remixed? Oh, I love it. It gets a second life know second life yeah bloody kate bush running up the hill when stranger things did it this could be your oh no this could be the second i haven't listened to this the remix of novus for the clubs When you, when you, when you, when you, when you, when you, when you, when you, when you, when you, when you, when you, when you, when you, when you, when you, when you, when you, when you, when you, when you, when you, when you, when you, when you, when you, when you, when you, when you, when you, when you, when you, when you, when you, when you, when you, when you, when you, when you, when you, when you, when you, when you, when you, when you, when you, when you, when you, when you, when you, when you, when you, when you, when you, when you, when you, when you, when you, when you, when you, when you, when you, when you, when you, when you, when you, when you, when you, when you, when you, when you, when you, when you, when you, when you, when you, when you, when you, when you, when you, when you, when you, when you, when you, when you, when you, when you, when you, when you, when you, when you, when you, when you, when you, when you, when you, when you, when you, when you, when you, when you, when you, when you, when you, when you, when you, when you, when you, when you, when you, when you, when you, when you, when you, when you, when you, when you, when you, when you, when you, when you, when you, when you, when you, when you, when you, when you, when you, when you, when you, when you, when you, when you, when you, when you, when you, when you, when you, when you, when you, when you, when you, when you, when you, when you, when you, when you, when you, Show us your crack brings a whole new meaning to the people dancing to that at three in the morning. Keep them going. Going on the dance. It does, you're right. Good on you, congratulations.

I had nothing to do with that version of it, but hey, it's cool. I'm flattered by that. That's pretty awesome. Thank you, Georgie Fim. That's good. Find me some cred for us. Oh, no, that's what I needed. I needed some cred.

Although I've obviously got a Sky City, haven't I? You've got cred with the street workers, cred on the other dance station. Oh, mate, see what I mean. Our cool points have shot through the roof on the hits this morning. Next, there was an unexpected encounter for a guy in England, much like yours, Giorno, but a bit of a surprising encounter.

It happened early in the morning on the UK. This is actually a very, very cool story. It's next on the hits.