Jono, Ben & Megan - The Podcast - Show Highlights: Jono's Dodgy Prostate

Episode Date: May 11, 2023

Jono keeps getting served weird ads Justin Brown! We call Jenny Boyce Mothers day ... what do you want?? See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

The Hits, with the Jono and Ben podcast. Cheers to Dilma, making the world a better tea. Dogs are just gorgeous, aren't they? They're so loyal. What's that fun saying you heard from Instagram? Oh, here we are, for a dog... A dog is a part of your world, but for the dog, you are their whole world. I think we butchered it, but you get the idea. Put that up as an emotional quote.

Put some piano music behind it. Can you play the beginning of that Capaldi song, actually? Can you do that, Producer John? We'll get Ben to emotionally deliver. This is like one of those videos you see on TikTok. Here we go, okay. For a dog. What is it?

For a dog, you are part of their world. But for the dog. No, how did I set it better the first time? Well, you didn't... I'm not prepared for this. Okay, start again. You go, you go. A dog is just a part of your world.

Well, just say just a part. Like, is a part of your world. Say it like it's not like... Start again, okay. A dog is a part of your world. Nice. But to a dog, you are their whole world. That's beautiful.

That is good. Put that video on the internet, mate. That's really good. We got there. Don't put all the mistakes at the start. Speaking of the internet, the internet has decided that I've officially reached a new life stage.

You know when it starts feeding you videos, you think, this guy will like this. This is in his wheelhouse where he is in life. These are not videos with a lot of kiwi fruit needing to get shaved, because I get a lot of those. I'm like, why do all the kiwi fruits need to get shaved? I'm not eating the skin part.

I'm just eating the middle of it. That sick bastard's shaving kiwi fruit. I don't need to. I'm going for the skin part I'm just eating the middle of it Sick bastard shaving kiwifruit I don't need to I'm going for the green stuff at the middle I don't know Some people like their kiwifruit smooth I guess But I'm like Bald kiwifruit?

Makes no sense to me I'm getting fair So these are all my YouTube pre-roll ads just ads that come up on all varying levels of social media and uh the internet's decided i've got an inflamed prostate pay close attention your prostate is so swollen that if left untreated this could lead to an unexpected and total shutdown of your urethra which will make passing urine completely impossible. Over 275,000 regular men have finally been able to pee freely, fully empty their bladder, and regain their libido

by following this newly discovered prostate shrinking ritual for 15 seconds every morning. And the best part, sleep like a baby, pee like a teenager and have sex like a man. So go watch a free exclusive video where we reveal how you can permanently reverse the one true cause of all your prostate issues and reclaim the prostate of a 20 year old watch it now before it's taken down yeah it's an ancient japanese technique 15 seconds a day you have the prostate of a 20 year old and sleep like a baby as well every night you're like you're always tired so there you go

not anymore mate 15 seconds a day and I can't show you because it's going to get taken down the prostate industry they don't want you to see this video the 300 million dollar prostate industry the hits the Jono and Ben podcast an author Justin Brown is with us in the studio right now.

Good morning, good to have you here. Hey guys. Oh man, this is so exciting. It's good to have you here now. You're back at The Hits. That's kind of where it all began for you. Yeah, I was with The Hits, oh my, for 10, 12 years. You were downtown Justin Brown for a while.

Downtown Justin Brown and then... That was a sort of out andabout person for radio, right? Yeah, did that for quite a long time. Did some silly stunts. Kind of like what you guys do. Yeah. Don't worry, radio hasn't changed, but it's still going. Then there was Andrew, Jackie, and Justin,

and we did that for probably 10 years. And then there was Jace, Stace, and Justin, and that was for about three years. Yeah, and then I went off to sort of write and do TV and be a dad. And it's awesome what you're doing now. We missed you around radio, of course, but you've forged this whole career in writing both children's books and adult books as well.

Yeah. Well, I've written books for about 20 years. And now you've got a very funny kid's book out. It's called Nannas with No Manners, and some brilliant characters in here. You've got Nana Martini in a bright pink bikini. Yep. She's wandering around in a bikini being boys. Yeah, yeah. She's a nana with no manners. Can you imagine Nana Boys

back in the day? It's kind of an inappropriate kids book. That's why parents are going to love reading it and grandparents. It looks really fun. One of the characters with the nanas with no manners, she has sort of a gas problem should we say? Nana McCartan who couldn't hold a fart in. She's one of the main characters, and you'll see a little green puff coming out behind her for most of the book.

Is it inspired by anything in particular? Well, where do you get your ideas? A gassy elderly lady? Yeah. Well, I do have a Nana McCartan who lived in Whanganui, and I used to go there for school holidays. But she's nothing like the inappropriately behaved nanna in Nannas with No Manners. Where do I get my ideas? Well I've just got to come clean with this and be quite honest where I got the idea from. I went into hospital for a small operation and then they put me on tramadol. Oh really? Have you ever had tramadol

before? And I woke up at two in the morning and I just rolled over to my wife and I just said nannas with no manners and she's like what I said nannas with no manners it's a great title and she says awesome title write it down good night and then that's where it came from it literally came at like two in the morning sometimes with creativity you just got to relax take some tramadol and uh and then you'll think of an idea brought you by painkillers this this children's book. It's a great book. It's great.

I mean, was your first book one that you did and kind of with the hits when you travelled around the UK, UK on a G-string? Was that the first ever book that you wrote? That was the first published book. Yeah, right. Because often you have a lot of rubbish

that you've never published. Unique idea. So you were travelling to the UK and trying to busk door to door to make enough money to come home and playing one song? Was it one song and one song only one song only so it was called UK on a g-string I was the world's only door-to-door busker because I only had one song because you see these buskers on the streets and they've got thousands of songs there's some talented buskers out there and I can't remember

them I just can't remember the songs you could never do carpool karaoke so I thought oh why didn't I just do one song but how can I get away with that? And then so I thought, I know what I'll do. I'll just knock on doors and sing it to them. And if you sing to, for example, a man in his underpants at the door and he looks at you, it's a very awkward moment because you've got to get to the end of the song. And then he can't not give you money either

because if someone sings to you, they've made the effort. It was just brilliant. And then I came home and wrote UK on a G-string. So that was my very first published book. Would people slam the door? Yeah, loads. Oh, really? Loads.

But it's a bit like sales. So if you start getting some good hits along the way, you're good. But if you have 10 slam doors on your face. Really brings the vibes down. It's not good. What was the song? I had a song about Harry Potter Oh so it was an original?

An original yeah And you were trying to get to JK Rowling's house wasn't it? I did get to JK Rowling's house Did you? And she basically talked to me via her intercom It was like no thank you So did you try and sing the song to her? I tried everything mate, I tried everything

And so did she hear it or did she give you her time to listen to it? No, she just said no thank you very much But I can say that JK Rowling spoke to me That is a win, you're like mate I just need a minute of your time Just to play this song awkwardly to you, hopefully not in your underpants Justin, brand new book out now called Manners with No Manners. You can get it wherever you get your books. It looks really awesome.

It's a bright pink cover. You can't miss it when you go into the shop, honestly. Nanners with No Manners. Thanks, guys. Yeah, really appreciate your time. The Hits, the Jono and Ben podcast. Mother's Day on Sunday, and we want to know from the mums, we want to hear from the mums,

oh, Andrew, The Hits, 4487, what do you really want for Mother's Day? Now, obviously, you know, this is gifts aside. This is the things that you... Commercialism. Take that out of the picture. We'll give you some Cadbury Roses, the new edition. Bring commercialism back into the picture.

We'll give you one of those and put you on the draw for the trip to Fiji as well if you give us a call on 0800 THE HITS. But we want to know the things that mums would like, just to give you maybe a little bit of peace and quiet or some mum time. I'm sure a lot of them would just say, could everyone just shut up for 12 hours? Just 12 hours. Just no one say anything.

Ben, you and me, we ran it past our wives to see what they wanted. You asked Amanda? Yeah, this is what Amanda wanted, gifts aside. Okay, apart from a present, a gift, what would you like for Mother's Day? I would love for you... Why are you talking so quietly? Like, project

your voice. Because I'm a mum and I'm so tired. Because I mean, I would like for Mother's Day this year for you to remove all those plastic pop figures out of my house forever. Yeah, you're shouting. Yeah, you don't know you're shouting.

You've gone extreme audio. It's going to be no good for radio. We're not going to be able to use this now. We could use it, but yeah. Very inconsistent in the levels. I know. That's what I was thinking. But she wants my, I've got little pop figurines, LeBron, James, Dwayne, The Rock, Johnson,

The Parts, Simpson, They Live in the Lounge. She wants those gone. That's what she wants apart from a gift. Won't be Simpson they live in the lounge she wants those gone that's what she wants apart from a gift won't be happening but that's what she wants weren't they mysteriously one by one

disappearing into the bin there was some stuff going on there was some stuff we worked through it she was like it's like Toy Story the movie

they're walking up when we're not in the room we're like whatever I did the same to Jennifer my wife asked her what she wanted for Mother's Day Now Jen, happy Mother's Day

Thanks Now I'll interrupt you while you're cooking in the kitchen Doing motherly journeys What do you want for Mother's Day? Do you know when you come home And you open the garage door Yes And then you walk in the house

Yes I just want you to shut the garage door and then you walk in the house, I just want you to shut the garage door again. That's it. That's all I want. That's a pretty

big present. I know. How about a bunch of flowers? It's very hard for you for some reason. I've been right

at your house too and you've been like, the garage door, Jono, it's open again. She's like, it's not a carport.

It's a garage door. Maybe just take the door off. That's a great idea. I like the garage door open because it gives me easy access to the beer fridge. You know, in and out. You don't want to make noise by opening the door every time you're going out there, Ben.

So those are things that aren't gift related that both Amanda and Gene would like for Mother's Day. So this is how it works. We've done our examples. You know what you need to do. 0800 the hits, 4487. What do you want? That's not gifts. We wanted to hear from the mums on 0800 the hits

and to find out what you really want. Gifts aside, what do you really want for Mother's Day? And there's some great calls and texts coming through. We'll chuck everyone in the draw for that Fiji trip given away this afternoon. The boarding call with Brad and Laura, and we'll give some Cadbury roses to the mums as well. All right, we're going to kick things off with Bree. Welcome.

How are you? Good morning. I'm good, thank you. HMD, HMD. Thank you. Thank you so much. Happy Mother's Day. You confuse everyone.

Radio silence from everyone. What do you really, gifts aside, what do you really want for Mother's Day? I just love five minutes to go to the bathroom without a kid holding on to my leg. Oh, yeah, they really, they burst in there. They're that age, they stop doing that eventually. But there is that time where you're like, I just want to go to the bathroom.

It's just another room to them, isn't it? It's just another functioning room they can walk into. For the question that's not important, but for them, it's very, very important. Well, good on you. Bree just needs to pee in peace. Yeah, that's fair enough. Well, I hope you get that on Mother's Day. We're going to give you some Cadbury Roses and put you in the draw for Fiji.

Thanks. Appreciate it. Kendall Morena from New Plymouth. How are you? Morning. I'm good. How are you? Yeah, we're doing well, Mother's Day.

Happy Mother's HMD HMD Thank you I now know what that means So thank you No one did when I first said it What's happening this Sunday? What do you want that's not a present? There's two things that I'm not great enough

But one would be a sleep in that's uninterrupted Oh yeah And then the second one would be the driveway to be finished It hasn't been concreted in two years I just would like it to be completion Do It hasn't been concreted in two years. I just would like it to be completion. Do you think there's a chance it might get done by Sunday? No, no chance.

A girl can dream. Who is this mysterious figure that's opposed to finishing the driveway? What's their name? Dustin, the one that put the ring on it. Oh, Justin. Justin, Justin, just finish the driveway, Justin. Seems like a big job, though. Is it a big job?

I don't think so, but I would help. But, I mean, maybe it is. Okay, Kendall. Well, we'll give you a box of roses and you could be off to Fiji this afternoon with Brad and Laura in the boarding call. All right, mate? Thanks so much. Have a good one. Patty in Hamilton, HMD to you.

Hi, how are you doing? Yeah, we're doing well. This Mother's Day, something that doesn't cost money, but you would love it to happen. Well, I think I speak for all mothers and grandmothers, nannas. We want to be able to critique our photos before our kids and grandkids put them on social media. You know, like you randomly just checking someone's Facebook

and there's a photo of you that you didn't know existed, you know, like you randomly just checking someone's Facebook and there's a photo of you that you didn't know existed, you know, or a nana doing a little happy dance in the corner that you didn't know someone took a video of. Yeah, you're like, oh, there's a double chin shot. I know what you're saying. It's like you've been papped by your own family, isn't it? Paparazzi. I know.

I know, I'm with you. I'm with you. You just want approval of all photos, all photographic evidence. No, that's fair enough, Pep. Yep. Those happy dancers are not meant for public viewing. They're your own happy dancers in the privacy of your family occasions. They're private dancers.

Now you made it sound sometimes weirder, Jono. You slowed the bar. Yeah. We're going to give you some Cadbury Roses and put you in the draw for Fiji. Thanks, guys. Good on you, Pep. But if you win, promise me you'll record a happy dance if you get the boarding call, okay? Okay, good.

Yeah, 100%. Well, someone else will do it for you and put it on the internet. Oh, no, I'll do it. The Hits, the Jono and Ben podcast. Now, you know, behind the scenes, the suits, Jesse, who works in the promotional department, she's like, you're going to have to showcase how the game works. An example right now. So we're going to call my mum.

She doesn't know about this. And you want three questions about me to see if she gets the answers correct what are the questions today okay so what was your favorite sport growing up well cricket definitely cricket i could have answered that yeah still his favorite sport now uh your most embarrassing incident uh oh uh crashing a car in my own driveway yeah it's up And childhood toy. Not the toys you're hanging around with nowadays. Probably,

gee, I took a petticoat to bed as a comforter. That's embarrassing. See, I know all of these stories. I just hope Jenny

knows these stories. So we're going to go through to Jenny now in the north, Northland's finest. Yeah, let's give her a call. Hi.

Hi. Hi, mum. Happy Mother's Day. Well, now it's going to be a happy Mother's Day. And it's not even Mother's Day. I know. We come through as a private number.

Every private number, do you answer as if it's your son phoning for a radio bit? I'm always very anxious when I see that pop up. Now, would Ben be calling you on Mother's Day? Do you think you'd get an off-air call, one that's not mining you for content? Yes, I have usually got one. Sometimes I have to wait all the day.

Well, it's Mother's Day. It's not Mother's Morning, so you know you've got a day. Do you sometimes get to 5 o'clock and go, oh, dear? Yeah. Sometimes, hey, but it's not that I don't love you, Mum. It's just sometimes you forget when it's Mother's Day. Now, Jenny, we are playing a bit of a game next week on the show.

It's called Take Three, thanks to Dilmar, our friends. It's three questions on their kids, and we want to see if they get the same answer as the kids have given us. Now, we've quizzed Ben, okay, on three facets of his younger life. Oh, dear. Firstly, what was Ben's favorite sport growing up? Cricket. Yeah. Well done.

I was a nerd, wasn't I? Looking back at photos, I was wearing, like, why did you not stop me? I wore full cricket whites everywhere, sweatbands. I wore beige clothing like cricket gear everywhere. Like, what sort of kid are you taking out in town? Oh, well, you even had knitted jerseys and cardigans. Cricket vest. Mum was knitting me cricket vests.

You were encouraging it. You were enabling this. And the beige colours. Oh, did you have a beige woolen vest? Homemade. Homemade. You'd wear this during the summer months in public. Full beige kit or full white kit, depending if I was playing a one-day

or a test match of mine. And I remember his grandma came to visit, and Ben had her at about 70, 80, bowling all day. I do. I think I scored 300 runs that day. Full day out on the pitch there Fast paced bowling for the 80 year old grandmother Rolling the arm over

Okay, you got that one correct Next one was his most embarrassing incident Oh, not the one that he put his arm accidentally through the wheel And he crashed the car before he even got to the road Yeah, I rode off the car in my own driveway. Yes, I went to some stupid reason, decided to tick on the speedometer. I ended up into a tree without, I don't know why. Did you get your arm wedged in there?

Between that and the indicator. And I didn't even think of using the brake for no reason at all. And that was it. I remember a low moment coming back to talk to you and my stepdad as well and going, hey, guys. I can still see you running through the paddock towards us to tell us. And he even did it in adult life. He rode off another car. Remember your car rolled out of your own driveway across two lanes of traffic?

He says he put the handbrake on. I'm suggesting that if the car rolled away, maybe the handbrake might not have been engaged. I think there was a faulty handbrake. Yes, thank you, Mum. Thank you, Mum. You're always going to come to his defence. Okay, the next one was did he have a special little childhood toy? Yes,

and that wasn't quite a toy, that was my, a petticoat of mine. A negligee? Yeah, like a petticoat. I like the feel of the satin between... Yes, yes. He used to have to, and he'd feel it, just

and he'd go off to sleep holding this little petticoat thing. Honestly, he keeps saying that to the ladies around the office. I just love the feel of the satin when he's touching their... No, he don't. Oh, Jenny, hey, three out of three. Three out of three. You do know me well. Happy Mother's Day.

If you weren't a friend or family member, you would have won this competition. Dilmati would have been coming your way, but you can't. T's and C's, Jenny.

Oh, well, I still drink Dilmati anyway. I love it. Happy Mother's Day, Jenny. Thank you very much. Love you guys.