Jono, Ben & Megan - The Podcast - Show Highlights: Jono's Getting Old (Ft. Megan Papas)

Episode Date: November 21, 2023

Jono is getting old and has had a fall.. What To Watch with Megan Papas! Supermarket shockers.. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

The Hits, with the Jono and Ben podcast. Thanks to Challenge, putting the service back into service stations. Jono and Ben on The Hits. Megan in for Ben this morning. We are broadcasting live from the Black and White Coffee Cartel. I won't lie, this feels like the world's most awkward first date, Megan. Awkward first date with microphones in front of our faces and you announcing song titles in the time. So I don't know, how do you think it's going? Well, no one's at their best at this time in the morning anyway. Yeah, so we're in the coffee cartel. We're in Takanini.

We're here for the Weet-Bix Kiwi Kids Triathlon today. Are you a fan of triathlons? Maybe watching. I've literally never done one in my life You said you don't use your legs for running Not unless I'm chased And even then I'm probably going to die Have you been chased previously?

No I don't plan to be I did it once And all I remember thinking as a child was Together Swimming and biking are excruciating. But on their own, as enjoyable activities, they're fine. But you put them in a competitive environment, they're terrible.

Now, Joel, I want to bring producer Joel in, who's back at HQ, pushing the buttons. You said to me yesterday, mate, I can eat, what did you say, 100 Weet-Bix? 50, 100, you name the number, I'll do it. His claim was 50 to 100 Weet-Bix. So I said, okay, great, we'll carve out an hour and a half of the show, and we'll follow this journey, a journey of a Kiwi hero, trying to eat 50 to 100 Weet-Bix, and I texted you yesterday, I was like, you going to pick the Weet-Bix up, mate? You said, no worries, leave it with me.

Now you explain what's happened, Joel. Well, first off, I thought we were initiating Megan, the brand new star of the show here today. But somehow, I've been here for two years. I'm getting a task put at me. But I came to work. I thought I had some Weet-Bix. And I opened the box, and they've been invaded by moths.

So it's not good. And the facilities manager, Jo Root-O-Dale, she won't be happy at work as well because there's moths all in the kitchen now. Okay. It sounds like excuses. It's just another Gen Z-er letting down the older generations.

Talking a big game. This is where we're at. Zero follow through. There's young people coming to work. Look at me, I can eat 75 Weet-Bix. Well, we'll just have to take his word for it. The Hits, the Jono and Ben podcast. What to watch with Megan. We get you to watch a whole bunch of shows on streaming And then tell us what to watch

You can't tell the time, but you can tell us what to watch, Megan Yeah, absolutely This is a new mini-series on Netflix It's called Obsession You're Jay's father That's right And you're Jay's new girlfriend. I think he's worried about introducing us.

Should he be? What's with the panting? When I watched that trailer, I never heard the panting. Yeah. I just wanted to talk afterwards. They've put in panting over top of their talking. Is that meditative panting? No.

Or what is that panting? No. It's not? Because this is described as an erotic thriller. So if you like being thrilled and aroused, lightly aroused or heavily aroused, what are you thinking? Well, probably heavily until halfway through, and then it takes a bit of a turn, this show.

It is only four episodes, so it's not a lot of commitment, but it did take me to episode two, bit of a turn, this show. Right. And it's only four episodes, so, you know, it's not a lot of commitment. But it did take me to episode two, end of episode two, to be like, oh, okay, hang on a second. Because as you might have heard, or maybe you didn't pick up in that, the dad has an affair with his son's fiancée. Hold on. Scandalous. That sounds taboo.

I'd say it's pretty taboo. Yeah. How does that kick off? So he's married, the dad? Yep. Yep. Still together with his wife, slash the mum of the son. Messy.

I did laugh while we were watching this. I was like, whoa, this is really full on. My husband was like, don't worry, that will never happen to our son. I was like, good to know, mate. I'm glad that you've put that out there. Although, can't predict the future.

Let's not draw a line in the sand just yet, Andrew. There's a lot of years to come. In fact, text 4487. I doubt this has ever happened.

Has anyone's parent ever run off with their child's partner? Has that happened in New Zealand? What, it takes four,

Not Jeremy Kyle. It takes four, four, eight, seven. Surely not. Do you think it's happened? I would imagine not.

It's pretty scandalous. Family Christmas has become a bit difficult to navigate, wouldn't they? Yeah. Oh my God. Okay.

I don't know what you're thinking about. But the show, it doesn't get a great rating on Rotten Tomatoes,? Yeah. Oh, my God. Doesn't get me thinking about it. But the show, it doesn't get a great rating on Rotten Tomatoes, but do you know, it had me hooked, and then it takes a really serious turn in the last episode that you don't see coming, and it's really full on. So thriller, yes. Erotic, maybe for the first half.

There is some full frontal male nudity in there as well, which took me by surprise, Richard Armitage he's an actor if you watch a lot of British crime series you might recognise him, he's not a nobody and then suddenly I saw you saw Little Richard

in all his glory was it necessary full frontal like you could have done without it I mean I'm not going to complain. Yeah. I probably could have didn't need it, but I wasn't mad about it. Out of the two, who pitched that they connect physically? Was it the dad or the fiancé?

Oh, I thought you meant out of me and Andrew who pitched the show. I was like, funnily enough, he did. He's like, just so you know, this will never happen. Yeah. But, you know, is it the dad? It's kind of a mutual situation. It comes in hot and heavy real quick. They're feeling some vibes, are they?

There's like love at first sight kind of connection. Yeah. Okay, text 4487. Has this happened to you? We don't have to use your names. Anonymous, sure. We've got a voice disguiser. We don't, but maybe you can disguise your own voice. Talk like, something like that. Like a little throat, sure. We've got a voice disguiser. We don't, but maybe you can disguise your own voice.

Talk like, something like that. There's options. So, 4487. The Hits, the Jono and Ben podcast. Has anyone's parents run off with their partners? So, you know, the parents having affairs with their kids, fiancés, partners, boyfriends, you name it. My gosh.

I didn't think that we would get the response we've had on the text machine. 4487, just so many sordid stories. I mean, this just warms the cockles of my soulless commercial radio heart. But unfortunately, Joel, no one's answering the phone.

I think they're too saucy. They don't actually want to talk about them on air. I don't blame them. I don't blame them because they are, you know, they're very close to the phone. I think they're too saucy. They don't actually want to talk about them on air. I don't blame them. I don't blame them because they are, you know, they're very close to the bone. Here's one. I was going out with this guy and his dad kept hitting on me for ages. We got drunk. We got together.

We had two kids. Whoa. Okay. You happy with that? Well, it doesn't stop there, Megan. Okay, yeah. We had two kids. Then I turned gay.

Okay. And so did his son. What a rollercoaster. I was going to say, well, no harm, no foul. The son didn't mind, but then there's two kids. There's two kids. There we go. Oh, wow.

Another text, 4487. My dad's auntie is married to her daughter's ex. And they've had a child together. I feel like we need family. I need a chart for that one. My mum's brother was married. Then he ran off with his wife's mother. So he's now in a full-on relationship with his kid's grandmother. What happens at Christmas?

I don't know. I don't know. It's a lot. I'm sure there's a lot of personal stuff that has to be dealt with. A lot of things that need to be unpacked, feelings that are hurt, trust. There'll be no trust. No. But I won't lie again, this is just ideal content for our radio show.

But no one and no one wants to call up. These are very detailed, so even if it's anonymous, it's pretty obvious. I saw my dad slap my girlfriend on the bottom at drinks once. Wow. I then found out they had been together for six months. It's not... The Hits, the Jono and Ben podcast. Now, Megan Pappas, Ben Boyce currently influencing on a Disney cruise today.

Lucky for some. Yeah, now, while he's out there philandering with Mickey Mouse, we're out here in the trenches, mate. The coffee cartel. Jocelyn, thank you for having us in your wonderful cafe. Thank you. Lovely to be here. We're here for the Wheatbooks Kiwi Kids Triathlon.

And the trenches, getting lovely free coffee. Trenches, baby. Yeah, trenches. Awful. Trenches. Hard work. Now, in the UK, they've banned something from supermarkets, which I found kind of interesting because it feels like the supermarkets are moving into a technological age with the self-service checkout.

But the UK, they're rewinding it. They're getting rid of self-service checkouts and putting staff back on. Is this because people are stealing and putting pine nuts through as popcorn kernels? We've all done it. We've all done it. Joel, what does your friend do, Producer Joel? He's not my friend. I've gone over this a few times.

But I saw someone online who said they just chuck everything in a brown bag and put it through as onions. So all of their shopping in a big, I mean, it's a great hack. It's also theft. It is theft. Yeah. But yeah, they're taking it back to just staffed checkouts. And I assume job losses would probably be factored into this as well.

We can't have bloody AI taking over everything. AI would probably do a bang-up job of the show, to be honest, one day. Maybe we should try it one day. Yeah, they wouldn't be moaning about being in the trenches or out here and doing God's work, would they? Although we can't try it because then they'll realise that they can do it better. But I sent a photo actually to Joel yesterday of what I wore to the supermarket. Now this is to pack and save.

Joel, you can explain what the photo was. Just your geriatric-looking slippers. I didn't realise you owned. Rocking them at the supermarket at 5.30 at night. Grandad slippers. Are we talking like sheepskin? Yeah, no, they're not like UGG ones. They're not like fancy ones or anything.

These are just your warehouse, slide your feet in. A bit of furry stuff at the bottom, but that's all been worn down due to sweat and pressure. I don't know why I'm asking, because regardless, slippers not acceptable at the supermarket. People wear pyjamas to the supermarket. I know, that's not acceptable either. Or bare feet. Or, yeah, any state of mind. Put some track pants on. I know you're a fashionable person. Thank you.

Would you ever wear slippers to the supermarket? No, no. What's the bleakest thing you would wear? A dressing gown? No, not even that. Probably just my nasty old track pants. Onesie? Even in my, no, even in my darkest hour, I would still manage to pull on some track pants. Okay, 0800 that. So we'll chuck out an early morning poll for the Six O'Clock Club. You can text 24487. What is the bleakest thing you've worn to the supermarket? Or bleakest

thing you've seen someone wear to the supermarket? What were you wearing with your slippers? Just shorts. Just shorts and slippers. I'll show you the photo. If it's warm enough to wear shorts, why are you wearing slippers? It was just the last thing I saw. There we go. That was the look. Oh, you're so grim.

Can we put it up on the Instagram, Joel? Yeah, we'll chuck it up there. I actually looked at it. To be fair, I looked down and I went, yeah, that's grim. That's why I took a photo of it. But 0800 The Hits, bleakest thing you've worn or seen someone wear to the supermarket. The Hits, the Jono and Ben podcast. It's the bleakest thing you've ever worn to the supermarket.

Some great texts coming through. Wore my wedding dress to the supermarket on 4487. Went home after the wedding on the way, swung by, picked up some bits and pieces. See, I'd do that. I'd be overdressed at the supermarket. But you wouldn't wear slippers. No. I'm trying to think of other things.

Would you wear active wear? Yeah. That's acceptable? Yeah. Where does the line get crossed? Is it when it enters sleepwear territory, is it? Yeah. Yeah.

I think so. Okay. Especially your nasty slippers. Well, yeah, I wore slippers yesterday to pack and save. But I enjoyed the bleakness, and you know how Breakfast Radio works, Megan, when you have these bleak moments, you're like, well, at least it'll be content. It'll fill up three minutes of air time.

Another text here, I saw a guy on the Coromandel wearing Speedos at a New World. How close to the beach? We all know that rule. Yeah. I feel like you'd be quite close. And over the New Year period, I think the clothing standards drop at summer supermarkets. Now we've got the wonderful Jason on the phone.

Good morning. Yeah, yeah. Bleak. Yeah, yeah. A bit worried about this course. Let's see where this goes, mate. Okay, bleakest thing you've seen worn at the supermarket or you've worn to the supermarket, Jason?

A Borat Mancini over top of my clothes. Oh, thank goodness. So this is something you wore? Yeah. Was it a special occasion? Oh, it was sort of like, I got it for Christmas a couple of years ago with my work, you know, Secret Santa thing. So I put it on and I couldn't be bothered taking it off.

And I had to go to the supermarket to get a light bulb, so I just kept it on. But people look at me quite blankly. Well, you know, if there's a guy in a man's car buying a light bulb, people are going, what are they using the light bulb for? I'm assuming not lighting purposes? No, no. Well, I'm bald, and I probably thought I was like Uncle Fester or something like that, you know, with the, I don't know, sort of light bulb sort of situation.

I couldn't be bothered taking it off. Does it require much energy to unstrap one? Just flick off a couple of straps. Oh, good on you, Jason. Really appreciate it, my friend. Hey, we'll give you some hell pizza, eh? Thank you very much for calling the show. Oh, cheers for that.

Thanks for that, guys. I feel like you're a mankini guy. Have you worn a mankini in your time? Not only for sort of radio stunt purposes. Not recreationally. No, not recreationally. Okay. The Hits, the Jono and Ben podcast.

I've got a bit of bone and contention to pick with Ben Boyce, actually. He's swanning around the ocean on international waters, influencing on a Disney cruise. And he only told me this yesterday as he was walking out. I'm off to influence Mickey Mouse. I'm pretty sure he's done a good job of influencing himself. I'm pretty sure he doesn't need any promotion. But he's ditched me in my hour of need, and I'll tell you why very shortly.

Yeah, you know about this. Would you have ditched your student in this case? No. For a Disney cruise? The right answer here is no, I wouldn't. Thank you. Absolutely not. Do you find it nerve-wracking

so you're talking to someone, and they front foot the story, and they're like, got a funny story to tell you. And then you're in the position as the receiver of the story going, okay, well, I need to laugh at the right moment. They've given you the responsibility right there and then. You have to laugh. And the problem is you're not really engaged in the story.

You're more focused on, okay, where's the punchline coming in? Where do I need to start? I feel like you would get this often. People would be like, Jono, funny story. It happened, honestly, yesterday with a colleague. And, I mean, this was a funny person as well. They work in comedy. So I'm like, okay, great.

I get a little anxious talking around comedians because they're funny all of the time on stage or off stage and I find myself constantly laughing at the wrong parts of their story thinking that was the punch line bit is this someone we would know no it was uh no I don't want to say they're a nobody or would you put me in that position what do you want me to say about it they They're a person. People know. I just want you to throw a famous comedian under the bus. Oh, yeah, no. It wasn't a famous comedian. Oh, now I've said they're not fun. You're in trouble now.

Their family loves them. Okay. Good save. The problem is they start telling the story, and the details of the story aren't important. But the whole time you're like, where's my gap to come in for the laughter? Yeah.

And I came in too early. I came in too early. And then so I opened the laughter yeah and i came in too early i came in too early and they're like and then so i opened the door and i'm like and they give you that look of like that's not the funny bit though was that the laugh that you went with too yeah it was kind of yeah it was a bit fake for radio laughter you know that's what we do the backbone of our radio show yeah um and i completely completely derailed the conversation because they're like, well, you've rattled me as I'm telling the story. And I'm thinking, okay, I laughed at the wrong bit.

There was the next right bit to laugh at. And it turns out the bit that I was meant to laugh at was very well signposted. It was funny. I should have just waited. I should have just waited. So it's a bit of a lesson in life. Just wait until the end of the story. Because you don't want to sit there dead faced the whole time.

Yeah. You kind of got to. So should I laugh now? Are you at the end of the story? Yeah, please. Now's the time to laugh. But don't say, should I laugh now? Sorry.

That really undercuts the whole story. The Hits, the Jono and Ben podcast. Had a severe injury on my electric scooter. Now, Ben, bless him, bless him. He's the sensible slash overly paranoid, anxious one amongst the two of us. And for 12 months, he's like, I see you on that electric scooter fanging around. You own an electric scooter, first of all. Well, before I answer that, would it make you think any less of me if I...

Absolutely. Then no, I don't Absolutely. I don't know. I don't know what to say there. You own an electric scooter? Okay. No, I'm learning more about you. What's wrong with owning an electric scooter? I don't want to be ageist, so I'm not going to reply.

Okay. I see. I've lost my train of thought now. I'm kind of rattled by the fact that you think I'm too old to have an electric scooter. No, carry on. Anyway, so for 12, 13 months, Ben's been like, you're going to hurt yourself. I've seen you ride it. You're reckless.

Yeah. Reckless. Fanging down the middle of the road at, you know, 4 in the morning on the way to work and things like that. Reckless disregard for road rules, I've heard. Yes. Yeah. You called me, what did you call me, a white privileged man.

Off air. Driving down the bus lane. What sort of privileged twat looks like he can just drive down a bus lane? And you're right, you're dead right. I'm that person. But eventually I fell off the scooter. It was a law of averages really. It was going to happen

one day and about a week and a half ago, on the way to the dairy with my scooter, neck minute. Neck minute. Neck minute. It's 2023, Jono. Neck minute, mate. Okay.

I'm hurtling towards the ground. Yeah. And it's when you're in slow motion. And I can, it felt like five minutes would have been 0.5 of a second. But as you're going down, you're like, this doesn't look like it's going to be fun. Do you wear any like protection like if i start coming on now i've got elbow pads and knee pads and things you're going to think even no i don't i'm just concerned for your bones at your age anyway so i went down and uh scratched

up all over the show but in those moments publicly when you fall over you're like you're straight back up yeah because the uh the embarrassment far outweighs the pain. Don't cry. Yeah, but I landed on my elbow. And what's happened since is the elbow has really flared up. It's kind of bulbous-y, isn't it? It's kind of filled with a liquid. I did touch it, which I regret. But I thought it would be harder than that. It feels and looks like a little boobie.

Yeah, it does. If I'm honest. And then you've got a scab on the end, which is kind of like a little perfect little nip. And it has the you know when you buy someone a stress ball for Christmas when you don't know what else to get them for Secret Santa? You're like, oh, you look stressed out. It's the same sort of feeling, isn't it? Yeah, it is.

So I googled it yesterday, which apparently is the thing you should do, is google any symptoms medical symptoms, bursitis it's called. And when you get trauma on the elbow, it fills up with, I need to get it drained, basically. So my question to you is, will you drain it? Will you drain it for me, Megan?

Stay one on the job in this black and white coffee cartel. I touched it and that was bad enough. I'm not going to drain it for you. There's a fork over there. Let's drain it in this cafe. I'm sure Jocelyn doesn't need that was bad enough. I'm not going to drain it for you. There's a fork over there. Let's drain it in this cafe. Jocelyn doesn't need that in this cafe. Okay, 0800 the hits though. I think I might be too old for electric scootering.

I might put my scootering days behind me. What do you think? I think that's for the best. Me and Ben have been saying it for a while. Yes, so yeah, 0800 the hits, 4487. What are you too old to be doing? What do you need to retire from? Do you know, actually, my son is into Crazy Frog.

He's just discovered Crazy Frog, which is horrendous. How has he just discovered this? Well, he's two. Yeah, you could have kept it hidden. That was an option. I was trying. But I've discovered I'm too old to twerk to Crazy Frog after twinging my back. Did you tweak your back twerking?

Well, twerking is a loose term. I don't know how successful I was, but... Why were you twerking in front of you, Sam? I don't... Don't ask further questions. We're talking about what you're too old to be doing after Jono's scooter accident. We're not focusing on your twerking tweak, which you did to your lower back.

No, we're moving from smoke screening there. Yeah, twerking to crazy frog. So 0800 the hits telephone number, what you're too old to be doing. Producer Joel's just text saying, we have three good calls. So we're really ramping these up this morning. Amy, three good calls, number one out of three good calls. Geez, you better bring the noise, Amy. So I was in Wellington and I was on an electric scooter with my son in front of me and my husband and my other son were in an electric scooter in front of us and they carried on. We were in the Wellington waterfront.

And we decided that we were going to head up back to our hotel. And as I was on the scooter with my son in front of me, we got across the road. And we were sitting, you know when you've got a footpath and you've got like the lip of the curb before you go up? I mean. I said to my son, we're not going to make it. We're not going to make it. And he's like, yes, we will. Yes, we will.

And I was like, okay. So I went and pushed the button to make it go faster. And then all of a sudden I panicked. And I was like, we're not going to make it. And so the scooter flipped up, kind of. And then came back down. And as it came back down, I put my foot down. I was wearing, like, shoes that had a bit of a, like, high shoes, like bicycle kind of shoes.

And as I came down on my foot, I rolled it and snapped it and ended up lying on the middle of the road, basically, in a skirt even. And, yeah, absolutely panicking. And my son was like, what do I do? And my husband and my other son have quite long gone and so there was a lot of people that came to sort of help me and then my son jumped on the electric scooter

to go and find Dad. Couldn't find Dad because he had already made it back to the hotel and I had to hobble back up the main street of Wellington with one shoe on and one shoe off. Oh, Amy, you poor thing. You're a details person too.

No details missed there. That was like an ACC claim, you poor thing. Hey, I tell you what, we're going to send you out some hell pizza, snapped ankle on the lime scooter. Won't be going back on that again. We'll get Chanel on. Welcome. Too old to be doing what, Chanel?

Evidently, I'm too old to be buying my lotto ticket. Okay. Yeah, I'm walking to my local store and some people were in front of me and I sort of went to go around them and didn't see the raised entry lip and my shoe just caught it, went flying in the

store with people in the store, landed on my knees and my elbow, and then up popped my shoulder. Just buying a lotto ticket? Just buying a lotto ticket. with people in the store, landed on my knees and my elbow, and then up popped my shoulder, dislocated my shoulder. Just buying a lotto ticket. Just buying a lotto ticket. I went to the box that day. You did?

Yeah, that's a good one. Not one of those annoying bonus tickets, you know, when you get the noise on the app and you're like, well done, you've won the opportunity to go back into the store and buy another ticket. And try again, yeah. Yeah, well, listen, that's probably in the same category as when you get up off a couch and you start groaning. Disticating your shoulder, buying a lotto ticket.

We'll take one more. Christina, you're too old to be doing what, mate? I'm too old to be roller skating. I decided to pull the roller skates out about a month ago, and my husband's like, are you going to wear knee pads? I'm like, no way. Far too cool for those knee pads. It got to the

waterfront, 100 metres up the road. I fell in front of these school kids too. It was so embarrassing. I'm so glad I was wearing sunglasses but I couldn't see the tears welling up. And then I'm like, no, I'm fine, I'm fine. And I kept going, it was fine. And then on the way back in the exact same place,

I fell over again and my knees, they're still like bearing the evidence of how I'm not too cool to wear knee pads. I'm quite good on the old roller skates but I would never risk an outdoor skate with no knee pads on. I used to play roller derby so I

thought I was going to be amazing. So you could hit a stone, you should know better, Christina. Yeah, my knees don't look too good with coming into summer and shorts and stuff. Oh, well, Christina, carving up the knees on the roller skates. Well, let's just say you and Christina, your roller skating days are well behind you.

Definitely. Well behind you. Thank you very much for your calls. Really do appreciate it.