Jono, Ben & Megan - The Podcast - Show Highlights: Online Purchase Fails!

Episode Date: May 29, 2023

- Why is Jono Pryor getting shout outs on the super rugby commentary?   - Jono has 6,333 and Ben 20,154 of what? - Ben Boyce’s long-awaited return to TV  See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

The Hits, with the Jono and Ben podcast. Cheers to Dilma, making the world a better tea. I was talking to a couple of people I was speaking to over the last week, they're just going, I'm frustrated. And they can't pinpoint what they're frustrated about. They're like, life's going well, I've got a job, I've got a house, healthy family, but they're just frustrated. Yeah, with all the cost of living issues that are going on at the moment, there's a lot of negativity around. My friend, I was talking to her on the weekend weekend and she's a parent who's in the trenches, a couple of young kids,

and they were sick that weekend. So she was like, you know, there's a lot going on. And she was looking at getting a babysitter because she was going out. And then she went, you know what I really want? And she said, the business idea to have a babysitter, but the babysitter comes around and takes the kids out. And then I get to stay at home.

I get to watch Netflix. I get to have a bath. I get to order takeaways. And I get to enjoy a couple hours of myself. I was like, that's actually not a bad idea. Yeah, babysitters. A baby outer. Yeah, baby outer.

So instead of taking, I was like, there's probably a lot of parents that, she's like, don't get me wrong. She's like, I enjoy nights out. But what I really want at the moment is probably just a night to myself at home. To sleep. Yeah, I don't have to worry about putting on makeup, getting dressed or whatever. I can wear my track pants.

I can just run apart. You can do all that and go out to like pack and save and stuff too. Yeah. Where your track pants just... Yes, so take the kids or whatever it is. I'm like, maybe that's a business idea for parents around the country right now. That's not a bad thought. Baby outer or whatever it is.

We could start that. We could take random babies and take them out. I don't trust myself with babies. You have your period where you're like, oh, this is what we're doing. I know what to do. I know how to handle babies. I know how to change nappies, swaddle them, you name it. Then you quickly lose all those skills, don't you?

Now I hold a newborn baby like bloody Simba on the Lion King. Yeah, you do for some reason. People hand us a lot of babies. I don't know why you have to – what skills have you lost to bring the baby in closer to you? I don't know. I just kind of hold them awkwardly, hold them out from me. Yeah, you don't look comfortable at all.

No, I don't. A lot of people trust us With their babies out and about Don't they Yeah So maybe we could be The perfect people To start the baby out of service The baby out of service

Here's an idea Okay You Me Eddie Murphy Okay Home daycare Us

Bunch of dads Daddy daycare Daddy daycare We haven't applied For any official licence Well he did it in the movie right Yeah So it could work

It could work. And what do you reckon? I reckon I'm into it. The Hits, the Jono and Ben podcast. Ben Boyce has made a long-awaited return to TV. The people have been wanting it. They've been chatting. The writers have gone on strike, picketing until he's back on the box.

And now the writer strikes over because you've made your return. Look, I was lucky enough to voice a little something. There's a little show. It's aimed at kids. It's called The Poo Files. You can get it daily on TVNZ2, 3.30 or on TVNZ+. It's little two-minute shows for kids, animated shows. Because that's the attention span of people nowadays, two minutes max.

It's great. It's sort of educational. They say it's zoology meets poo-ology, and it's the number one show about number twos. It's basically facts to do with bowel movements and animals and all that sorts of stuff. Now, this is where it's an interesting subject matter for you, because I know one of the things that you look down your nose at, flatulence slash toilet-themed content. Sometimes, yes. flatulence slash toilet themed content sometimes yes yeah for whatever reason you feel like that no you're above that yeah everything else we've done all the puns and all the pranking and you're

like no when it comes to that it's not for me so it would have been i played to the kids uh when when i got opportunity to voice something for it and they loved it and that's what it's designed to do like you know giving you facts about uh you know poop you know like uh wombats cube there's cubed cube shaped i did know that they come out like an oxo cube a little beef stock little beef stock oxo cubes yeah things like that so this is your now what is your role here because you're voicing over a cartoon character oh yes so this was uh about lobsters and this was to do with pee related. There's some facts about lobsters and pee. Male lobsters their bladders

are in their flaming heads. When they fight they squirt each other in the face with urine. Say it, don't spray it you bloomin' weirdos. So there you go, facts. Actual facts about things like that. Who would have thought?

Did you have to go method? Did you have to... Did I? Well, I'm not a lobster. It would have been a bit weird if I started... Yeah. That'll be like the one fact you remember for the rest of your life. Yeah.

You know, when someone's like, have you got a good fact? Yeah. We are lobsters, pee on each other. Do you know, I was looking last night because I knew they were going to bring this up about facts to do with that sort of thing. And this was not from the show but I learnt that Neil Armstrong he left some bags of poop at the moon

which seemed I surely take it with you, at least my dog does and I pick it up and take it with me Yeah but I mean if you're all the things you want to bring back from the moon you know someone's going to have to empty out the spaceship aren't they? Not Neil. What did you bring back? You're like oh oh, well, man.

He's thinking of the poor NASA intern who has to clean up all the spaceship when it lands back. Yeah, true. He's like, they don't want to find this. No, that's fair enough. The Hits, the Jono and Ben podcast. Now, Joel, I think we've got some audio there. Ben, you've hunted out some audio. We spoke a couple of weeks ago, your friends at the ACC, the Accident Compensation Corporation.

No, the other one. The other one. I don't really have friends at the ACC. They do a wonderful job. They pay out when you're injured? Yeah. You've got your levies all sorted? We're talking about the ACC as in the Alternate Cometry Collective.

They do some more light-hearted cometry, really great job of light-hearted cometries, whether it's league, whether it's rugby, whether it's cricket. You do some stuff with them? From time to time I do, yeah. It's a lot of fun and they do rugby commentary and there's a player hugh renton who plays for the highlanders he looks they reckon a bit like you johnno but probably a more muscly version of you listen it's it's all coming up me when they say hugh renton looks like me yeah because you should look at you google hugh renton we'll put

him up on our Instagram story uh Hugh Renton's the man that I should become yeah that I could like if I if I gave a crap about life uh I could be Hugh Renton it would be one of those before and after pictures you know you're like before yeah he's like after you're like wow far out this guy's really turned his life around He's done incredible I didn't think he was going to survive in that first photo So this is your after

And in the weekend Hugh Renton scored a try for the Highlanders But we've got this commentary sent to us from the ACC Because you got all the credit Jono Held in the back by Jono Pryor Pryor to the blister Pryor will score Pryor will score. Pryor will score.

There you have it. And we've won. The TAB. We've got money on Jono Pryor scoring. Hugh Rinton, get it in there, you boy. Can we get hold of Jono Pryor? Let's give him a call. So they put money on, too, at the TAB for Jono Pryor to score as well.

Now, don't get me wrong. I'm loving it. But I feel like for Hugh's career trajectory, he probably wants to be branded as himself. You know, he's trying to forge his own name in the world of rugby. I mean, it's great for me. This is the perfect professional rugby career for me. He gets tackled. He gets the concussion. He he gets the injuries and i get all the credit true true

you've got yeah you're right you did nothing and uh you got a lot of credit there so i'm asking the glory of just my name being sent over excitedly on repeat yeah yeah but hey good on you just because he's look he looks at you know he's got what he's basically bald that's the only similarity that's the problem with us bald white guys. We all just get lumped into the same category. He shaved his head, now he looks like you. No one's shone a light on that issue, have they? I'm going to bring it up at the election.

The hits. The Jono and Ben podcast. Home game this weekend. The One Warriors at the Go Media Mount Smart Stadium. And mascots from all over the country are joining this race. It's like the Mascot Melbourne Cup, isn't it? It is. With less horses damaged.

No, we've got a Kia. We've got Cheeky the Kia. We've got the Captain Starship. Yesterday, some of the mascots, Pineapple, Penelope Pineapple from Dole, already entering the race. Looking at the costumes that we have so far, and we've got some of them, most of them actually up on the Hits Breakfast Instagram

and Facebook page. Looking at the costumes so far, I feel like lightweight and flexible. Those costumes are going to win the weekend. Yeah. Lightweight and flexible also bends Tinder bio as well, and it's come into play many times. But joining us on the phone right now

is our next entrant, nook show how are you i'm good how are you great to have you on from frank energy now we understand you want to get into the halftime race let's talk details let's talk turkey what do we do how much do you want to pay us to get into this race no one's paying anyone either well um you know if you join frank energy you might get might get some power oh well Well done. You've turned it back around to a corporate message there. I'm signing up. Sign me up to a 20-year contract. We don't do contracts.

They're easy. Whatever you want to sign me up, I'll want it. Now, what is the Frank Energy mascot? So Frank is obviously the name of the Frank Energy mascot. So it's sort of your logo is, what would you say? An asterisk. It's kind of like an asterisk, right? Like a star.

It's an asterisk. Yes, exactly. And so the mascot is exactly that, but you're looking for something a bit more unique for Saturday. What's that? Yeah, well, as soon as we heard about this race, we knew that it was something that we needed to get involved with because, you know, a bunch of legends

out on the field battling it out. It was just sort of right up our alley. That's just Ben and myself. No, I don't think she was talking about us. Among good company, you know. But we just thought, why don't we up the ante and try and find someone to run for us because

we've been spending a bit of time at the stadium lately and if there's one thing we've learned, it's that Warriors fans are sort of up for anything. So we thought, why not? Let's find someone to run for us. Jeez, the Warriors fans will run on the pitch anyway, don't they? Exactly. Let's put a costume on one of them. This is okay. This is sanctioned. You're allowed to run on the pitch.

So you're looking for someone to be inside the frank energy mascot costume if someone wants to do that this is this saturday afternoon the warriors playing the dolphins uh where they go to your social media yeah they go to our social we're on instagram we're on facebook we're on tiktok just look for frank energy um send us a dm why you reckon it should be you and yeah, we'll be in touch. Fantastic, because Joe Damon, I've made Joe Damon he's in the commercials in the costume usually. It doesn't looking at

it, like if you fall you're going face first like there's no Yeah, look, wasn't necessarily designed with running in mind but we think, you know, that's part of the fun, you know? You can't move your arms. You're just spread out like a starfish.

But the good thing is, unlike other mascots where your face is covered, this one, you've got to be on display. Like, you're going to be a star on Mount Smart Stadium at the Warriors. Exactly. Full visibility in this costume as well. 100%. So if you want a bit of glory too, this is the one for you. And a lot of energy as well. Yes, 100%. So if you want a bit of glory too, this is the one for you. And a lot of energy as well.

100% energy, power, it's all there waiting for you. If your name's Frank too, it would be great to apply too. Frank with a bit of energy. That would be awesome. Frank, Francesca, whatever. You're right. Okay, well, thank you so much for entering this race. We can't wait to see who's inside the mascot

and who's going to be running on Saturday. Yeah, and I will just mention we've got, obviously, tickets to the game if you're the lucky winner. We've also got a signed Warriors jersey for your efforts. So, you know, it's not all for us. Oh, jeez, a nuksha. Thank you so much from Frank Energy. We'll see you Saturday.

Have a great day. See you then. Bye. Can't wait for the mascot race that's happening this Saturday. The Hits, the Jono and Ben podcast. We got talking yesterday about what's clogging up your phone, didn't we? A lot of phones out there clogged up more than anybody. All-you-can-eat meat buffet. Some lady had 80,000 unread emails.

Oh, no. That made you uneasy, didn't it? That's just like delete the email, start again. The amount of people who are so disappointed they never heard back from her. They might have important information. But then you've got all that spam stuff as well.

You sign up for something, they send you stuff and I know that can get out of hand. That can get out of hand. But we then looked at our photos because that's another big major cause of the clogging of the phone, isn't it? How many photos you got stored away.

In the thousands. And a lot of it i pin on the kids kids in general their photography skills they just fire off a 32 photo burst of different angles of the ceiling yeah and you're like oh i don't know how all these ended up in one shot back in the day when you had your disposable camera or your handheld camera you had to think about the photo you were taking you know we respected the photograph a lot more didn't we yeah and if someone's like i blinked you're like oh i've just i've got a and you wouldn't find out the quality of the photo for the most part until they got the screens you know you have to go to the printing place get it back you're like well that one's no good that one's no good that one's good oh that one's all right. That one's good. Oh, that one's all right.

RIP the photo printing shop as well. Oh, I know. One hour photos. It's like, oh, they can do it in an hour. We've just lost all respect for photography and video. We have. We take so many photos now. I love those wedding couples, those sweet little wedding couples who's like, we'll leave

a disposable camera on the table. Remember they'd do that on all the wedding tables? And then I'm sure they'd take it down to Kodak and just, you know, how many different pairs of genitals ended up on those. Yeah, you're right. Yeah, so that probably doesn't happen much anymore, I would imagine. How many photos have you got on your phone? You're quite a prolific photographer.

I'll tell you mine. I mean, I've got a lot of work-related stuff on there as well with social media stuff that we do. And over the years, the kids take a lot of photos i mean you know you wouldn't have much i mean we came back after summer and uh producer b humps was like have you got a photo of you over your summer holiday or maybe you were the family you're like no i didn't take a single photo i was like six weeks you're like i didn't take a single photo like then you go away with your family you have christmas i know once you go oh that's a great present

Here's my son with a present I'm not a photo guy You know I'm not Like I'll take I'll take a look back on it And go oh that's right That's where we were

Not a single As the family A single photo Not a single photo I take photos of the family Usually I'm the photographer With your cell phone in or anything like that Yeah

So I'm only sitting at 6336 photos clogging up my stream what have you got 20 148 and i've just done a big call at the moment because i just have to i have to go through all the time a lot of it is as i say you know social media stuff as well how many of those uh handbrake photos surrounding your anxiety about whether your handbrakes engaged or not i do get rid of those i just had a good clear out of those i'm sorry about 18 000 of those i just got rid of handbrakes.com if you want to go and visit our website uh so 800 of the hits can you put 20 000 did you say yeah 20 000 yeah can you beat ben have you got more than 20 000 photos on your phone

bloody interesting topic we've tapped into here who's got the most amount of photos clogging up their phone ben boyce sitting around the 20 000 mark yeah uh impressive lot of lot of pointing at products a lot of that yes not appointing it objects landmarks yeah it's so like i try and take take a lot of photos but a lot of it's work related stuff and i do need to i've been trying to clear out as I go because it just backs up. Yeah, and it does get away. You know who I always feel very sorry for

is any producers that we work with who for some reason assume the role of photographer. Yeah. So like, poor producer Bee Humps.

He's probably got more photos of us doing thumbs up hugging Shortland Street actors than he does of his baby Dottie. Oh no, true. You're probably right.

Probably do. Yeah. You need to delete those. They must come up on, you know, when your photos can come up on the TV screen, there's another photo of Jono and Ben pointing at a product. Yeah. Yeah. So we're going to go to the phones.

Ashley, welcome. Hello. Can you beat Ben's 20,000? I've got 23,500 photos. Oh, you're beating me. Well done. What are most of the photos of? All of my kids. Oh, yeah. Kids' photos.

Do the kids change dramatically over the course of the one photo to the next? Yeah, it depends. Some of them they do, but some of them I take within a couple of days, so they're all the same.

If we're doing a harsh cull, what would be a decent number that you could get down to and still feel satisfied with the photographic evidence of your children? Oh, I don't know. Probably still in the 20,000, I'd say. Still 20,000. All right, well, well done. You've beaten us. We're going to send you out some hell pizza.

Thank you. Good on you, Sharon. You can beat 23,000. What are you sitting at? 27,004. And four. Do you manage it? Are you doing culls or you're just snapping away until the phone retires?

I'm doing culls every now and then, but not very often. Yeah. Again, AI. Someone invent AI. doing cars every now and then but not very often yeah again AI someone invent AI let's stop putting politicians faces on pornography actors

and get AI to clear out photo streams appreciate that now Sharon we're going to send you some hell pizza but Georgia

is coming through you're going to win this competition Georgia what are you sitting at how many photos on your phone? This is quite embarrassing now.

68,028 photos. 68? Wow. Of what? Yeah. Yeah, I do like to take a good photo. I must, in my defense, my WhatsApp groups are all linked into my photos, so everything I get on WhatsApp also saves to my photos.

I need to address that. Don't start blaming WhatsApp, mate. Don't start putting this on WhatsApp. I can't even blame the children. It's all me. What percentage of your day is looking through a lens? Not even a lot. It's just anything I want to remember,

I'll take a photo of it. Bang. And then I just don't delete it. Are you taking a photo of this moment right now? I wish I could. I'd take a photo of the traffic I'm in. Good on you, Georgia. Well done.

We'll get you a hell pizza now. Producer Joel, you're saying a friend of yours sitting at how many? 75,000 photos. It is relentless. Every time you're out, she's taking photos of everything. She captures moments, but yeah. A lot. A hundred moments yeah every single moment the hits the jonah and ben podcast yeah we want a mascot for the hits radio station now to compete and we want to make a mascot race this saturday at the warriors but i'm getting a little nervous because we've ordered it

and we've ordered online we haven't seen it yet'm just like, well, what if it doesn't look as good as it looks in the picture? Yeah, which does happen online as well. And if you want to know how we've ended up here, we'll bring you up to speed. You might have seen our ads for the radio show on TV where we get a bunch of kids to help us come up with some marketing ideas for the show. Kogan, good morning.

Hey, Adi. Apparently, you've got an idea. What is it? A mascot. You're an ideas man. Apparently you've got an idea. What is it? A mascot. You're an ideas man. You're a big ideas man. Yeah. The Elon Musk of the West Coast.

We're brainstorming here for our mascot. What's it going to be? You should get an emoji. The head tilted sideways, the tongue out, and one eye bigger than the other one. Oh, like a... Yes. Definitely a sausage.

When I think of Jonah and Ben, I always think of a sausage. A monkey with a radio. Yeah. What are the underlying tones here? Yeah, what are you trying to say here, Brax? Because monkeys are fun like your radio station. Oh, I like that. It's not where I thought it was going.

No, it's good. I like that. Izzy, what did you design for the mascot, mate? I designed a hippo called the Hittopotamus. The Hittopotamus. Very excited about having a new mascot,

the Hittopotamus. The name works well with a pun. I like it. From the one New Zealand Warriors. You might have heard of Wade Egan.

Oh yeah, yes I have. Just wanted to let you know that we're going to launch your new mascot at the next home game at Mount Smart. Halftime, there's going to be a giant mascot race. Out on the field. Our hippo taking on other mascots.

A lot of people putting their mascots forward, including the Sky City Breakers. Yeah. You know, Chiki the Kia 2009 mascot Dash for Cash winner. I'm Camilla, I'm from the Starship Foundation and I'm going to be bringing Captain Starship. Captain Starship. I'm from Dole and our mascot running

in the race is Penelope the Pineapple. She's super speedy and she's full of vitamin C and so she's an excellent source of fibre. All those mascots are coming together like the Avengers, aren't they? There we go.

This is where we're at right now. Saturday, the halftime race is at the Warriors. The Hidipotamus taking on a raft of other fantastic mascots from around Aotearoa. But Ben, you are worried A, we don't have the Hidipotamus costume yet. Hasn't arrived. We've ordered it online. It's meant to arrive today, apparently,

but we haven't seen it yet. And I know that some people from time to time get tripped up with buying something online that doesn't turn out to be quite what it seemed. Yeah. It's a risk. It is a risk. You went and purchased a LeBron James singlet

before he signed to the Los Angeles Lakers. The day he signed, he said, be the first in the world to have a singlet for the Lakers. I'm like, yes, I will. Yes, I want to be the first in the world to have a singlet for the Lakers. I'm like, yes, I will. Yes, I want to be the first in the world. LeBron didn't even have a Lakers singlet. I ordered it.

I've got one before the player. And then I went to the website a couple of days later. I'm like, ooh, that website doesn't exist anymore. But they've taken my money. It was a scam dunk, my friend. It was a scam dunk, you're right.

I remember, you know how ads pop up on Instagram of like art and things like that, sponsored posts. And I was like, oh, that's a nice little painting. It was like of a Mickey Mouse, but someone had doodled all over it. And I thought I was buying a painting the size of Mona Lisa dimensions there. But when it turned out, it was the size of a handkerchief. Yeah, that's the thing. You don't quite get the scale sometimes. They never give you a handkerchief. Yeah, that's the thing, eh?

You don't quite get the scale sometimes. No, you don't. They never give it. And a full-size painting in an ant's household. In ours, you could blow your nose with the piece of art. So have you fallen victim to this? Have you bought something online and what's turned up is not quite what it's seen? Have you tried to get what Hamish and Andy and Jono and Ben have turned up?

Basically, that's what we want. Those situations. So I'll answer the hits. Young Izzy was the creator, the architect of the hit eponymous. And most importantly, I don't want to disappoint her. You know, this was her vision. And it's going to be an official representative of the station. You're a bit worried that we've ordered this thing online.

Sometimes when you order things online, the picture really sells it up. And when it arrives, the reality of it is a little disappointing. But to be fair, online shopping is always a little gamble. Even when you're doing supermarket shopping, putting your credit card in, you're like, this could go bad. You're never 100% confident when you buy something online. And sometimes you have great wins. Sometimes you really have great wins, and other times you're like, well, things don't quite turn out what you want. That's when you lose faith in the online shopping system.

So what have you purchased online that didn't turn out to be what they advertised? Jo, you're on from Tauranga. What was it, mate? Morning. Yeah, I bought these really fancy chopping boards that had all the drawers underneath it and you could put a cell phone holder and stuff on it and then you hooked on these rubbish things so you could just scrape straight into these rubbish bags type thing.

I thought they were so cool, I even bought my mother one. I think I paid about $50 or $60 each for them, and when they turned up, they were two little squares of plastic that you could just about roll up. They were about 20 centimetres by 10. They were pathetic. And my other half thinks it's hilarious. The scale, the diameter scale, it's all off, isn't it?

Jeez, these chopping boards sound like they do. Hold your cell phone, hooks to scoop stuff into a bag. Yeah, nice big thick wooden ones, not plastic. Yeah, 20cm wide plastic ones got stitched up and then you email some support at choppingboards.com

and support. They don't care. They reply. No one cares. No one wants to give any customer service nowadays. Whenever you phone a number. Well, to get a number is hard too. Sometimes you can't even get a number.

It's like hidden away in a secret dark place in the web. Yeah. Yeah. Thank you, Joe. Appreciate that. Lisa, you're on. What did you purchase online that didn't turn out to be what they were advertising? What was it? Oh, guys, I got duped in by a Facebook ad for a pair of remote control 1964 Impalas

that bounced up and down. Like Chevy Impala cars that you see in old hip-hop videos. Uh-huh, uh-huh. Yeah, and when they arrived, they were literally the size of your index finger. They weren't Impalas. They were a Mustang and a Camaro, but they were literally the quality of any type of kid's car, kid's car to where you get at a $1, $2 shop.

Did they bounce up and down? No, they weren't even remote control. They were literally pull-back cars, and you let them go and they drive away. But, yeah, so they were not even close to being what they were in the picture. Yeah. But apparently it said on the, it said in there, actual product may differ. A little asterisk. The old quotation.

That's a great ass saver, isn't it? Actual product may differ. Thank you, Lisa. Really, really appreciate it, mate. You have a good one well uh we'll see what happens today when the hippopotamus turns up as soon as it turns up we'll do a little video we'll put it on our uh hits breakfast social media on facebook and instagram we could see together for the first time it could just be a sad looking animal in

a drab gray tracksuit or it might be movie quality i know we'll find out and hopefully it'll be part of an amazing mascot race this weekend