Jono, Ben & Megan - The Podcast - Show Highlights: Sharks On Drugs...

Episode Date: July 24, 2023

What illicit substances are the Sharks eating in the USA... Ben's skimboard hobbie fail! The beautiful game! See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

The Hits with the Jono and Ben podcast. Thanks to Challenge, putting the service back into service stations. We are doing our own version, not associated with the World Cup. No, this is the beautiful game where we play one of the anthems of the 32 teams competing in the tournament and we have to try and figure it out before you call up on 0800 THE HITS. Now Ben, last three days it's been a rollercoaster. Suffered a slight racism scandal at the beginning of the competition. You're zero from three. You haven't picked one anthem yet.

No, I'm not very good at the anthems, but I thought because today I'm bringing the anthem, I thought I'd bring something that I think you should know. You would have heard this anthem many times before. And on 0800 The Hits already, Multiple callers have already rung through. So people, okay. So people have rung through for this one. We've got some Hell Pizza up for grabs.

Let's hear a little bit of it. Always starts with a lovely little drums thing. This is Advanced Australia Fair. No. You've had your guess though. Oh, is that my one guess? Now, I've found some random facts about this particular country, and I thought it was really interesting.

The only country in the entire world where one street, one street has produced two Nobel Prize winners in history. It's the same street. They've had two Nobel Prize winners. They also have the lion, the cheetah, and the wildebeest, three of the fastest animals in the world. South Africa. You can't guess again, mate.

You made your guess as well. Let's go to the phones. Tammy, we'll get you on from East Auckland. Hiya. What is it? It's South Africa. Yeah, it is South Africa. Yeah, it is.

An anthem you know you've heard many times at sporting games over the years as well. The wonderful South African contingent listening to the hits. Yes. Haven't we? Yeah. Tell you what, if we zero down our audience to just South Africans per capita, we are crushing it. Yeah, 2,000 shipwrecks happen around the coasts.

2,000? 2,000. There's more than 2,000 shipwrecks. Annually? I don't know. I think there's more than 2,000 that's happened around the coastline, which is a lot of shipwrecks around South Africa. Three times the size of Texas and five times the size of Japan

is South Africa. She's from South Africa, are you, Tam? Yes, I am. Yeah, what part? Where are we shouting out to? From Durban. Durban, yeah. Passed a biltong shop the other day in Hamilton.

New Zealand's premier biltong shop, it called itself. Great banter. Do you love biltong? Does everyone premier biltong shop, it called itself. Great banter. Do you love biltong? Does everyone love biltong? Or is that just something that, you know, is exported around the world from South Africa? Sorry, didn't get that. Oh, this is great banter for both of us, right?

Listen, Tammy, both Ben and myself have had a shocker at doing radio. But I feel like biltong is to South Africa what sheepskin rugs are to New Zealand. Probably. I've never owned a sheepskin rug. Jeez, we're hocking them off left, right and centre, aren't we? You're right. Tammy, we're going to send you some hell pizza. Now, have you caught football fever?

It feels like it's spreading through the country quicker than Omicron at the moment. No, I'm definitely ready for the game tonight. Yeah, it's going to be very exciting. I'm excited for the other game, but yeah, I'm excited ready for the game tonight. Yeah, it's going to be very exciting. The other game, but yeah, I'm excited for tonight's game. Well, being an expat of South Africa, you can hedge your bets too. You can back two teams in the tournament. Yeah, true. Yeah, I will love it.

Now, as a parent, you know, there are times that you do know more just because you've had a life experience. Well, you've just existed for longer. Yeah. You know, it are times that you do know more Just because you've had a life experience Well, you've just existed for longer You know, it's just the fact Don't get me wrong, there's other times where I don't know more And the kids have already learnt more than me But there are some times in my life where I'm like Well, as a parent, I think in this situation

I know what should be done Well, having been a kid though When your parents talk, it's just a wall of white noise And you're like, shut up old people they don't they don't take anything on board and my daughter indy uh is doing a cross country at the moment at school and so they're doing cross country training and they're training you know she's like i've got cross country there's a couple days ago she's got i've got cross country at school we're running 2.8ks uh tomorrow at school do you think i should bring my running shoes yeah now as a parent i'm

like well you're running 2.8 case you're running i'm like yes yes of course you should be right there's not even a question that's like yeah she's like oh i don't know i've got so much stuff in my bag there's stones and sticks and things you definitely want shoes yeah and she's like i've got so much stuff in my bag i don't want to take another pair of shoes i think i'll just wear my school shoes now she hasn't got like Doc Martens or anything like that. She's got kind of dressier sort of sneakers, I guess. But they're not running shoes. But I'm like, no, don't do that.

Don't do that. Take your running shoes along. She's like, oh, I don't know if everyone else is doing it. I'm like, great. Even better. Wear your running shoes. You'll be faster. You'll be prepared for it.

She's like, oh, I don't know. This conversation about running shoes has gone on for five minutes longer than it ever needed to. I'm like, take your running shoes. you'll be faster. You'll be prepared for it. She's like, oh, I don't know. This conversation about running shoes has gone on for five minutes longer than it ever needed to. I'm like, take your running shoes. That's it. Take your running shoes. Next day, I pick her up from school. I said, how did cross-country go?

She goes, out of the whole year, I got second. Yeah, but got second. By four seconds, I got second. I'm like, that's amazing. Great time. She's like, my legs, jeez, they hurt. They hurt so much now. My calves hurt.

My feet hurt. So what shoes did you run in? Did she go bare feet? She ran in her school shoes. Oh, school shoes. I'm like, and you know, and then that night when she went to bed, oh, my feet hurt. My legs hurt.

And all I want to say is, I told you so. All I want to say is, but my wife's manner is like, you can't say I told you so. I'm like, why not? Because you did. All I want to say is, my wife's manner is like, you can't say I told you so. I'm like, why not? Because you did. You told her. And now I've got to listen to complaining about sore legs. I'm like, well, if you had your running shoes on,

this wouldn't have happened. Well, you've kind of told her so in quite a passive-aggressive fashion on this very public platform. But without telling her so, you've definitely told her so. I think the message is loud and clear. Maybe that's it. If you hear this and you see, just pass that on. Because I don't know if she'll hear this particular thing.

Nothing better than something you predicted eventuates. God, you feel so smokey. Oh, you do. Don't you? Sitting in your ivory tower there. And you want to say, you want to say, I told you. But people don't want to hear you say that. I had a bloody miracle the other night.

Jen, my wife, she's like, can you pick something up for me from the chemist's warehouse? And I went along to the chemist's warehouse, and I forget, you know me, I'm just shocking. Had to get a whole bunch of items, and then that night she's like, did you get that thing? And I couldn't remember if I got it, and I was like, you know, that look of fear in my eyes of, oh God, I've forgotten to get that thing. She's like, you didn't get it, did you? And then, some miracle, I looked in the cupboard, I had gotten the thing. And I pulled it out, like held it up like Simba

on the Lion King. I was like, I got the thing. The thing I can't remember getting, I got it, that's a once in a lifetime. I definitely came through. The hits, the Jono and Ben podcast. Off the coast of Florida in the United States,

a lot of drug traffickers, you know, trying to get their wares into America. Peddling their wares on the seven seas. And a lot of them have been,

you know, from time to time worried that they're going to get caught, dump the cocaine into the harbour. Do they come from Cuba and Colombia

and then they end up in sort of Miami? Yeah, I imagine so, yeah. Miami sounds like a fun town, doesn't it? But what's been happening now, according to scientists who've now got involved in this, is some of the dumped cocaine has been eaten by a lot of the sharks and the sharks have been behaving erratically because they're high on cocaine.

Cocaine sharks. Cocaine sharks. They're already quite volatile, aren't they, in the ocean, the old sharks? The last thing we need them is jacked up on cocaine. Swimming in circles, eyeing up imaginary objects and stuff as well, the sharks. So there was that movie Cocaine Bear, which was based on a true story that they embellished. Cocaine sharks, mate.

And I imagine they haven't digested just a tiny little bump or anything. They've eaten a whole lot of cocaine. Like a lot of cocaine. You're right. They're not just like, oh, we'll see how that goes a little bit later. They're like, no, no, no, no. They've gone all in. And now they'll just be fiending for more too, won't they?

Well, yeah. So if you're already petrified of sharks, and a lot of people are, if you're off the coast of Miami and Orlando and Florida, yeah. In about two weeks, the sharks will just be sitting at the bottom of the ocean going, what am I doing with my life? Never again. The Hits, the Jono and Ben podcast. What are you calling it?

PhDs. I think you've been calling it projects half done. Yeah. As far as hobbies go, because there's often times in your life where you buy something and you go, I'm going to give that a crack. That's going to be me. And you purchase something and then you find out that it wasn't for you or you just kind of lose interest and it ends up taking space in your garage.

Yeah, I've fallen victim to this. I'm definitely an impulse buyer. In the past, the massage gun that I purchased. It jackhammers your muscles into... When's the last time you used that? Here for a radio bit. That was just after you bought it. Remember I bought it in just to jackhammer you?

Yeah, you did. Okay, so I bought it a few years ago. I was at the beach at summertime a few years ago, and I saw these young kids, teenage kids, and I was like, they were looking cool. They were doing skimboarding, you know, where they're those sort of flat, thin boards, and they're very shallow waves,

and they sort of throw it along, and then they run along, and they stand on top of the board, and they kind of skim along the shadows. It's of like surfing but very close to the shore and it looks cool they're doing all sorts of tricks and now the red flag for me is young teenage boys okay you go on that's that looks cool yeah i sat there on the beach and i was watching and i was like that looked cool and then some other people got involved and i go you know what i've got look next time i see one of those i'm gonna buy one of those that's gonna be my summer thing I'm gonna be go yeah and I did I went I saw you don't scream

skimboard a guy but I was like hey went to the shop talked to the guys like yeah man I'm in the market for a skimboarding bra uh yeah yeah I was at a surf shop he was like oh okay it's over there um and so I bought one took it along to the beach took it up north and gave it a crack and it's over there. And so I bought one, took it along to the beach, took it up north, and gave it a crack. And it's interesting when you give it a crack at the beach because it feels like you're on display because so many people were sitting around in the mix just looking out towards the ocean. Front and centre stage skimboarding.

You're even probably more of a main act than the surfers and boogie boarders. They're out the back. They're behind the curtain. You're right. And so I tried to give this thing a go, and I just kept falling over. It was very, very hard to nail. I kept nailing myself, kept hurting myself, falling backwards, falling everywhere, legs in the air.

And I felt all the shame of all these eyes on me. Nothing better than watching a self-delting, self-conscious skimboarder. I definitely lost confidence with it. I kept running in, jump on it, and then whoop, and I'd fall out like I was slipping on a banana peel at a comedy for back in the day. They do make it look very easy. You know, like surfers make surfing look incredibly easy. And I put it back in my car.

I went back from the car to the garage, and it sat in my garage ever since. And I thought, well, that's me. I can't do that. I could not nail it. Hung up the skimboard I said I'd never return but then you found it the other day. Yeah and then the weekend I'm like oh what am I doing with this you know

it was just I just couldn't do it it wasn't me Now every my dream is to get you to get your skimboard ready for summer okay now what we do is we go down to the beach during the winter months. Oh good but no one's there. No one's there.

That'd be right. It could be like one of those training montages in the movie. You know, you need a montage. Yeah. At first, you're really bad, but you get a little better, and I can be coaching you. And then, boom, Coromandel, New Year's. This guy's skimboarding for 10 kilometers along the beach. Everyone's like, wow, look at that rad dude.

They still say rad on it. I want to know this morning, have you... This is why you never made it in the skimboard game, man. Have you done something like me where you bought something, you've decided

that's got to be your hobby, that's what you're going to take up and then you've decided, nah, it's not for you later. The Hits, the Jono and Ben podcast. 800 The Hits is our phone number, 4487.

Want to know the hobbies that you thought were for you and then you decided somewhere along the line it wasn't quite for you. Like me and my skimboarding career. Yeah, we are going to get you out on the beaches in the winter months. Producer Joel was like, be good social video. It's not for me. I'm not good at it.

I couldn't. I mean, maybe someone's got some techniques. Someone can help me, but I just. But when it goes wrong, skimboarding, it goes wrong hard. wrong hard yeah your facebook's an instant appointment with the sand yeah exactly yeah uh half by phds your projects half done some great texts coming through here harriet this is harriet from the office message lockdown knitting oh everybody all got into knitting and baking and crocheting over lockdown? I imagine that you're right. There's a lot of people who took up things over lockdown.

We had a flour crisis. You couldn't get flour anywhere. Yeah, that's right. Yeah, you're right, because people were baking too much. Baked hard. Hayley and Hamilton. Sorry, Hayley and Hamilton got into some Brazilian drumming. Never followed through.

I love that. Out of all the drumming, you're like, you know what? I'm going to zero in on the Brazilian drumming. I'd love to hear some Brazilian drumming if you can record that for us. I'm just trying to load it up here on the internet too while I speak. And another text here on 4487, project's half done. Paulie, who got into jujitsu. Said it hurt like a bush, so he stopped doing it.

Oh, 800 the hits. Amanda, what's your half-done project? Good morning. It's a wee while ago now, but I decided to hire a cross trainer. Oh, yeah, nice. Save on gym membership, but that's good. How much are you paying a week on that sucker, Amanda? Oh, it was $10 a week.

Yeah? Yeah. Yeah. And my clothes look great hanging off it. So it just basically became a clothes rack, a glorified clothes hanger. That's right. That you pay $10 a week for.

That I pay $10 a week for. Have you still got it? Well, I'm going to say I don't. I did that for about three years, though. Three years? I mean you had all good intentions to get cross training And your clothes have never been more dry You're like oh I can't cross train

If my jeans are drying I could have bought my own cross trainer For that amount of money And then at least sold it back And then hung your own clothes off Your own cross trainer. Amanda, love that call. Thank you very much.

You go and have a great day, all right? Cheers. Thanks, guys. I tried to get into, you know, amateur construction. Tried to build a tree house. Bought all the materials. Oh, did you? Went to Bunnings, you know, got all the plywood

and all the bits and pieces. Looked on YouTube and then I got up the top of the tree and I was like, well, this is a lot harder than it looks. I'd never seen it done before. I didn't know how hard it was. So I ended up just nailing a plank of plywood between two branches on that tree in my backyard. And Jen wouldn't let the kids go up there.

She said it's a safety hazard. So now we just have a tree with a plank of plywood. Great for the birds. Yeah. I mean, the neighborhood. Nails half hanging out of it, sort of bent over. So that was my tree hut experience. And Producer Joel has brought up some Brazilian drumming here.

Oh, that is cool. I didn't know you'd give up early on it, though. It sounds hard. It does. Yeah. Thank you very much for your half-baked hobbies that people have attempted to do. The Hits, the Jono and Ben podcast.

Well, I went along for the ride on the weekend, actually, with Poppy, and she's my daughter, and her friend, Lily, and we're in the mall. And they wanted to go to bloody Sephora. Oh, my daughters love Sephora. They love going to Mecca bloody Sephora. Oh, my daughters love Sephora. They love going to Mecca, Sephora. Oh, we did the double header. Did the double header.

But what I quickly realized, because you want to give them space. Free samples, get all the free samples. Yeah. I made it. I saw it all. Don't you worry about that. But so I give them a bit of a 20-meter distance between me and them. I don't want to cramp their style in Sephora.

But then I quickly came to realize there's no lonelier place on earth than being stuck on a makeup island as a fully grown man yeah just sort of stand and i don't know what to do i'm looking and the more you try and act normal the more suspicious you look yeah more people are like what's this what's this grubby piss doing in here? Yeah. You know? I know exactly what you mean. In clothes shopping as well, I find that. You know, like I think I've said to you the other day, it goes from, you know, you're in Glassons or you're in wherever it is and it's like when you're with your daughter and it's like,

oh, that's cute. You're shopping with his daughter. But as soon as they go and get changed by yourself, it's like, oh, who's this guy? Yeah. It's funny how the mood sort of changes. Really changes towards you. Oh, what's this guy lurking around the changing rooms for?

You're like, because my daughter's in there. You go from the best dad in the world to a police suspect. Instantaneously. Someone walks into the store and they're like, ugh. I even got a, can I help you? Can I help you? Which was actually, in hindsight, a blessing because I was like, oh, I'm fine.

I'm just with those two over there. Just waiting for them. And I gave them a $4 budget each. $4? $4 budget each. What are they going to get for that? In hindsight, it wasn't enough. It wasn't enough because all they walked away with was a face mask.

But it was a face mask for your lips. A lip face mask? A lip mask. So then you come out with a delicious plump lip spit. They didn't even You're like this is pointless So I put them on my lips And my lips never look better

But also can I send a shout out too To the wonderful Teresa in Sephora Who came and she listens to the show Oh nice She got me some good cred points in Sephora In front of the girls too Even got a hug And I was like now I feel normal again

Like no one's going to call the mall security on me. But thank you very much to Teresa. The Hits, the Jono and Ben podcast. I was talking about the fact that I found the iconic Australian Woman's Weekly birthday cake book and some stuff I was clearing out upstairs in the attic. And I was like, man, it was such a ball. We've got all the memories from my childhood, all the cakes that my mum would make all the parties you turn up with and people would make cakes

from that book. It was a great time too we weren't stressing about lactose intolerant gluten free children were we it's like you ate the cake and you dealt with the consequences afterwards yeah and that was the golden era of that cake book and probably responsible of

a large amount of childhood obesity in the 90s. Yeah. That Women's Weekly Cake Book. And since we talked about this yesterday, many people have gotten in contact about their stories, their memories of the birthday cake book. You've captured the hearts, Ben Boss. I mean, you've captured the hearts and imagination of New Zealand years ago with your charismatic personality. I don't know if that's true. But now the book has.

Yeah. And people have been texting and reminiscing about the cakes. Emma, how are you? Good, thanks. How are you guys? Yeah, we're doing well. It's lovely to have you on the show, Emma. We're just reminiscing about this cake book, a slice of New Zealand history, so to speak. And your mum, your mum made an attempt at making the rugby ball.

Yes, she did. Yeah, my brother's birthday, back when he was a wee thing, mum tried to making the rugby ball? Yes, she did. Yeah, my brother's birthday, back when he was a wee thing, mum tried to make the rugby ball and it consisted of sticking two kind of cone-shaped pieces together and whatever she did could not make it stick. So the rugby ball quickly became volcanoes,

but the decorating did not go so well and unfortunately the volcanoes started to look like a pair of boobs. Oh, so your brother got a pair of chesticles for his birthday. Yes, indeed. Well, that was the good thing with the cake too because if you mess it up, you could transform it into another creation. Exactly, exactly. What cakes did you pick out of the book over the years?

Oh gosh, I had the castle one With the ice cream cones as the turret Oh yes I think she attempted the train at some point as well We just about went through the whole book The train seems to be the holy grail for everyone Doesn't it? Yep, yep, absolutely

Yeah, hey Emma That's a wonderful story Slightly inappropriate cake For your brother's sixth birthday But you go and have a great day, mate. Appreciate you listening. Awesome. Thanks, guys.

Yeah, and loads of texts coming through as well. The candle. People, have you seen the candle in the cake book? Someone texted in saying, I remember my mum made me the candle. And the candle, it looked like a melted white church candle, didn't it? Yeah, but it just, yeah. You said it resembled something else that you'd put batteries inside. Yeah.

The candle looked like a cake that the baker completely ballsed up. Yeah. It's a candle. It's a candle. It doesn't look like a candle. It looks like a cake that you've made a disgrace out of. But yes, good thing is you can turn it into a candle. Keep them coming through.

We love hearing your memories from the iconic cake book.