Jono, Ben & Megan - The Podcast - Show Highlights: Social Media With Ben Boyce..

Episode Date: July 18, 2023

Why the 0.5 filter is rough for Ben... Jono had an incredibly awkward car ride with a kids friend.. House sitting horror stories! See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

The Hits, with the Jono and Ben podcast. Cheers to Dilma, making the world a better tea. Wednesday morning, good morning, how you doing? Yeah good, you got a fast car, or just a run of the mill? Just a run of the mill car to be honest. You drive your car fast don't you? I do, very erratic. Especially this morning, the bloody motorway was cut off.

Had diversions, it was running all over the place. And then you have to wait. Nothing aggravates more than waiting at a red light Well you for some reason Then when no one else is at the intersection I see what you're saying Well it gets to the point sometimes Why am I still here

Because sometimes it does take a lot longer When no one's around And I know there's a pad system You drive your car over and there's a pad The sensor's there It's just playing games with me mate always have to do

a little sneaky cheeky left but anyway over to you Ben oh jeez you know like I was just like want to start the show today

I said well how amazing is the internet like what did we do before the internet what did we do before the internet like we went to the like encyclopedias

were a thing we'd go to the library and all that sort of stuff because shout out to the RIP to the encyclopedia sales people who would go door to door with the Britannica, wouldn't they? Yeah, yeah.

And it would take up at least three or four shelves on a bookshelf. Exactly. But even like that wouldn't have every bit of information to do. Library, you'd go to the library? Yeah, because last night I burnt a pot. Like too much going on at the same time while trying to cook dinner and left something a bit long and burnt the bottom of a pot. Like too much going on at the same time while trying to cook dinner and left something a bit long and burnt the bottom of a pot. And I was like, oh, I don't really want to confess to the family.

Then I forget that kind of thing. As in the goods were cooked into the bottom? Yeah, the bottom of it. The bottom, yeah. And you just quick Google on my phone. I put some baking soda in there, leave it for a little bit, and then put some water in. And I'm like, mate, half an hour later.

It was all gone. It's like the perfect crime. No one knew. No scrubbing. Yeah, I was like, man. Actually, if you wanted to commit the perfect crime, you could probably look that on there. Exactly.

And I was just like, I just had a moment just going, the internet has just got everything. It does. And Google just gets you out of so many binds these days. Yeah, yeah. You can just imagine how many people have taught themselves skills off YouTube. Yeah. Stuff that YouTube is teaching people.

YouTube University has taught people. And they're not charging for it. No. They give us an ad and we're like, oh, five seconds. Well, that's like you waiting at the red light. Five seconds to skip an ad. I can't wait any longer. I've got to turn left.

If you take us back to before we had the internet and we said, hey, there's this whole big talk. You just type something in that's going to teach you anything. Anything you want to know, but you've got to wait. We've got to wait five seconds to watch a painful Grammarly ad. Will you do it? If you went back to 1990 and said that to us. You'd do it in a heartbeat, right? Absolutely.

But now you're like, oh. Gravelly. Don't want gravelly. Or like yesterday when I went to show someone a video on my computer. You were all there. The ad pops up, it buffers, and you feel awkward because everyone's standing around your computer. Everyone walks away. You're like, I'll come back to it.

I'll come back to it. That's never going to happen. Life has become too fast-paced, and we've become too impatient. We do need to change it down a gear, don't we? Yeah, you're probably right, actually. I've stopped being on my phone at home. I check emails every now and then. Well, that was sporadically.

Sporadically? Yeah. But I'm like, I'm going to be more present around the household. But I'm the only one who's done it. I'm sitting on the couch watching everyone else just on iPads and phones. Look, a couple of kids. We've both got two kids and I try and be the dad that tries to keep up

with what's going on and unfortunately through this job, we're talking about the latest movies, the latest songs and stuff so that's good. That keeps you up to date with the zeitgeist of the youth. Yeah, not everything you know but social media as well i'm on social media so trying to keep my hand in that as well

tiktok instagram but then there's ones that kind of get away on you you know snapchat then threads comes in somewhere as well last week or the week before and i think they look at you as i look at my mum using emojis when she texts maybe they're They're like, oh, he's in the game. He's trying, but jeez, please don't. Please don't. But I am giving it a go. But there's a couple of things about social media I've noticed that I just don't get my head around

when it comes to, you know, particularly my oldest daughter who's just started high school this year. You know, Snapchat, something for ages she wanted. We're like, oh, do you really need it? Because back in our day, Snapchat was just sending body parts to each other. Pictures of your private, your precious parts.

Now it seems like they send pictures of body parts, but tongues, like their tongues out and stuff. And it's like, we're on a streak of every day I've been messaging my friend and I can't break the streak because we're up to 238 days of sending a photo to each other. And what if your friend doesn't see your tongue today? Is that going to be, you know? Well, I guess having your tongue hanging out is better than yeah you know what we were doing when

we first got hold of the tea so i'm like okay as well the other thing uh as well um you may notice if you've got the young kids or you've got other kids you hang out with as well is the 0.5 photo that everyone's doing these days when they go to take a photo of themselves and it's like the selfie but they turn the camera around and they go well we'll take a photo of themselves, and it's like the selfie, but they turn the camera around and they go, well, we'll put it on 0.5. And it's like they've taken it from space. Yeah. Big old wide shot.

Arms makes everyone's arms look really long. And then when you get it close, I mean, my forehead looks like a five head. Like every time my daughter goes to take one, I'm like, not 0.5, not 0. goes to take one i'm like not 0.5 not 0.5 i don't look 0.5 here because i know where you know i know my place yeah well i thought i do and now my place is not right up in my face as well but she was trying to take a photo with me the other day and whatever happened to the simple photograph format of sensible one silly one yeah that's all yeah and

then we'll take it down we'll get it developed in an hour see if one of them turns out all right it might not no you're right that was the format we got yeah and the other day as well yeah she was like my daughter was like oh can we get a selfie and we're out somewhere and i'm like oh look i'm not really feeling selfie up to it selfie conscious yeah i was a little selfie conscious as well particularly next to the kids. And she went to me, she went, it's all good, Dad. I'll put a filter on it. And I was like... And I'm like, have I got

to that stage? Am I at filter stage now with photos? You know? It was a real moment for me. And she was trying to say it in a nice way, like, I'll look after you, Dad. It's all good. But I was like... That's the good thing when you get insulted by kids, is they never mean to insult you, which makes it even more damaging. So I'm like, geez, am I at a filter?

I'm at a filter stage now. I must be. What's your filter of choice? I don't know. I need to look through them. How many can you do at 0.5? I don't know. Is there a filter to shrink foreheads?

Yeah, that would be nice as well. The Hits, the Jono and Ben podcast. Big supermarket news come through today. There's a $400 million, which sounds wildly expensive, rebrand of Countdown Supermarkets around New Zealand. They'll be changed to Woolworths. Same company, I think, own it. And in Australia, it's all Woolies.

Oh, Woolies, mate. Taylor, producer Taylor's always going on about Woolies. Oh, I've got to go to Woolies. We were talking about this before the show with producer Taylor, who's from Sydney, and she's like, oh, I can't wait for it going on about Woolies. I've got to go to Woolies. We were talking about this before the show with producer Taylor, who's from Sydney, and she's like, oh, I can't wait for it to change to Woolies. What's the difference? It's just going to be a different side on the thing, isn't it?

Come on in here, Taylor. Apparently not. Have you tried the tuna from Woolies, mate? What's going on? What is the difference between the two? So many things. So in Woolies in Australia, we have so many great brands. Like they're ready to eat meals, the range.

Like they have like My Muscle Chef, Strength Meals. Does that mean anything to you? No, nothing. But lots of – oh, ready to eat meals sounds cool. Yeah, yeah. And they're all healthy options. And then there's this tuna that Woolies stocks. It's called Serena.

I can't find it anywhere here. So I haven't had tuna since moving over here because I just can't have normal olive oil type of tuna. This is an Italian oil they use. So it's massive in Australia, Woolworths. I feel like back in the day we did have a Woolworths. We did have a Woolworths. And that changed the food town and countdown and now it's...

Then we had one called Big Fresh and it had big dancing fruit. Do you remember Big Fresh? Oh, yes. Big automatic fruit that would go in the produce section. Yeah, it blew my mind as a kid going to Christchurch and seeing that. I bet it did. You push the button and they'll go again.

Mechanical fruit in vegetable produce. Kids were bastard. Other people, other families are going to Disneyland. I'm like, not me, mate. They made a bloody Big Fresh in Christchurch. Thanks. I remember, it was a couple of years ago,

we actually made an ad. D-double-O-D-N-double-S, that spells goodness, and goodness is the best. That's what the mechanical fruit used to say. You can even remember the song. That just popped back into my head. Sorry to interrupt. It was like the New Zealand version of

It's a Small World After All. Disney land. Exactly. A couple of years ago, we unwittingly made an ad for Countdown, didn't we? That's right, yeah. There was a Macklemore song, the rapper,

he had this song, Downtown. And you can see what we did there. We were like, oh my goodness, we could make a song in Countdown with this song.

So this was our parody we thought it was appropriate to play this morning. It is the hits. I went to my moped store This was our parody we thought it's appropriate to play this morning. It is The Hits. Filled up by a straight shopping cart Pull up in the one for the babies Don't forget the bread, the milk and mayonnaise Soap quick to the till Damn got the trolley with the one-bone wheel Got shanks and some francs, solving your blanks See my friend Diana kiss her cheek on the face

Lamb racks, tic tacs, two-for-one Kit Kats Cruising through aisle three, this guy again, she waves at me Soap! In a trolley jam with some old lady There's a mum yelling at her kids and baby Bomp into Diana again She smiles, hope I don't see her in another arm But I'ma take it to the self-service

Put my crackers through the scanner Scanner's crappy, it won't scan my crackers Unexpected item in the bagging zone The light it flashes Hi, sir, for the one I'm gonna need to see your ID Pick up an avocado, then I feel the avocado Put down the avocado, feel a different avocado Give them all a squeeze and I ain't gonna stop

Till I touch every avocado in the whole damn shop Products for my face, products for my hair Got a spare pair of supermarket underwear Knit back to the front, grab a pair, grab a beer Stop by the frozen, throw some fish in there Countdown Countdown Countdown

Countdown, countdown Countdown Got some sail prize free boy Cheap fuel on our seats boy High five the trolley boy Countdown Got some diamonds for you girl Mini toy for you

World reference in the queue When you're at Countdown Oh well, it was nice to see you Ben, we should catch up sometime Yeah, yeah, let's do that Oh crap, car's being towed from the mum park Over here bud The hits, the Jono and Ben podcast Now, yesterday I

You would have done this as a kid Or maybe you've done it as a parent Now Ben, I call it the loneliest interaction between two human beings, where you as a parent are required to drop off the friend of one of your kids. So it's you and your kid's friend in the car. You're just dropping them home. Oh, without your friend? I've never done it never

done it oh my god don't no it's always been my friend has you know been with my daughter or whatever yeah yeah why are you like oh your poppy Oscar could stay oh because I had to go somewhere else afterwards oh and I was like oh because I'm out I'll drop off on the way and there is nothing worse in the world like I know there's an ongoing issue in the Ukraine at the moment, and I'm factoring that in. There is nothing worse in the world than having to drop another kid that's not yours to that kid in the car. Because the banter, you know the banter is minimal at best.

The kid's like, I'm not enjoying this. No. When you're stuck alone with your friend's parent as a child. Yeah, and I can imagine. I haven't done it, but I can imagine it. Did it friend's parent as a child. Yeah, I can imagine. I haven't done it, but I can imagine it. Did it happen to you as a kid, though? Yeah, well, probably had done as well, yeah. I mean, kids, you kind of just end up looking out the window and not talking.

But I guess as an adult, you probably feel that awkwardness. Yeah. Whereas a kid probably doesn't. They're probably just like, oh, look out the window. Yeah, they don't have the communication skills to offer up some light-level banter. I don't want to talk to this guy anyway. He's got nothing to interest me other than a car right now to drop me home. Yeah.

And then so the silence was, it was eating me up. So then I turned on music. I was like, I'll break the silence with some music. And then bloody Kanye West Monster started playing off my phone. A whole lot of expletives at the beginning of that song. You know that kid's going to get home and talk about it. And then he was trying to talk to me about weather and the cost

of living and petrol prices and then he played Kanye West who said he was a mother effing monster and then the monster dropped me home. Oh jeez. The Hits, the Jono and Ben podcast. And all our friend, she's actually, she's house sitting for someone

in europe she's based in london but she's been house sitting uh for some people she knows in europe yeah she's at a lovely place uh really private backyard and the people who house sitting will like make yourself a home they went away for a week as you say sweltering temperatures so she decided you know private backyard oh i could do some sunbathing and, you know, next to nothing. Naked. Fully naked. Name an item of clothing that wasn't attached to her body. And, you know, it's just saying private backyard,

no neighbours around or anything like that. She thought she was obviously, you know. She was wandering around the house naked. It was so hot, just naked everywhere. Any room in the house. Then four days later after just wandering around like bloody Adam and Eve, she spots security cameras. Dear God.

Which you'd think maybe she could have tried to spot earlier on. They were kind of smaller, hidden ones in the eaves of the roof. Even a couple inside. I think one out towards the area outside where she'd be sunbathing. She went round, found them all, obviously then going, oh my goodness.

Now, what do you do in this situation? I think the only logical thing is burn the house down. The heatwave got to the house. Get rid of the evidence. Change your name, move to another country.

No, that's a house thing horror. I mean, you don't, I can't imagine you get home and you review a week's worth of intense security footage you might get away with it yeah true you're not unless it was some sort of break-in you'd be like everything was perfect no need to check the footage uh love the house thanks very much producer joel you've been bloody house sitting around in my neighborhood lowering the tone of my neighborhood i've already loved the tone of the neighborhood you come into the play three streets away.

All time low at the moment, yeah. Looking after one of my partner's friend's houses and it's a nice place. Who trusted you with that? I don't know. I don't know, to be honest. You don't look like a... I'm at 21 years old.

I wouldn't trust myself. 23. Come on, guys. To house at someone's house. Would you? Well. Why are we putting our faith in people like Joel? 23 come on guys to house sit someone's house would you well why are we putting our faith in people

like Joel yeah there's got to be a lot of horror stories out there when it comes to house sitting people either involved in doing

their house sitting or letting their house over to people like Joel a lot of the time because you're looking after a dog yeah a dog and a cat

yeah and a lot of the times when you've got the responsibility of people's pets too things can go wrong can't you? Yeah, a dog and a cat. Yeah. And a lot of the times when you've got the responsibility of people's pets too, things can go wrong. Can't you? You know what I'm talking about.

Yeah. Well, I like the fact that we're trying to cover up something. You know what happened back in 2015. We said we'd never talk about that canary again. You know what happened. We would take that to our grave. No, that didn't happen. Even people get us to house sit together as well.

I went under that. It's 4487. House sitting horrors. What has happened to your house? Or maybe you were the person house sitting where things went horribly wrong. We'd love to hear from you next. A friend who's looking after,

she lives in London, but looking after their friend's place in Europe. Very hot over there. Deg there degrees temperatures of mid 40s has been spending the last seven days naked in their house and has only just discovered that there's security cameras everywhere yeah what would you do in that situation geez you wouldn't sleep for about three months would you know you always get tick, you'd always get tech people over there going, anyway, we'll get to the footage, can we hack into this footage,

can we delete this footage? Yeah. I thought, as I mentioned, burning down the house the only logical solution. Yeah, but maybe it's, as you say, no one's going to go back and check the footage. No, I don't think people would go back and review for security footage, apart from security people, Ben.

We're going to go to House Sitting Horrors. That's what we're going to talk about this morning. We go to the Waikato. Penny, you're on. Welcome. Hi, how are you? Oh, listen, we're really good, Penny. What happened? Oh, look, this was quite a long time ago.

We were house sitting for some friends when I was at primary school. I think they thought we'd do alright. Mum had grown up on a farm and, you know, we had a few animals, but it was a shocker. So when they came home, I, during the holiday, had broken both my arms. So they came home very concerned.

Oh, my goodness. And Mum said, oh, you need to sit down. That's not the worst of it. That's the tip of the iceberg. Strap yourselves in. So they had, it wasn't a lifestyle block, but lots and lots of animals. So one of the cats had got run over on the main road.

The chickens had got out into the neighbours and we hadn't quite got the right ones back. Who's got other chickens? One of the rabbits had had a spasm and died. Jesus. The doves had got out and flown away. Old MacDonald had a farm until the people in the house sitting let them all the animals go. 100%.

So, you know, as kids, we weren't too bothered. We thought it was kind of amusing Mum had quite a hard time and we were never asked back I'm not surprised I definitely won't be getting you to look after my animals at any stage No Shocking And I love it how her daughter with two broken arms was just the tip of the iceberg

It's a lottery Hey Penny, love your work You're going to have a great day, eh? Thanks, you too Appreciate it Josh, we'll go to Christchurch. Welcome to the show, House Sitting Horrors. Josh.

Hello. Good to have you on. Yeah, we're really well, mate. Lovely to have you on the show. What happened? So we went away for a couple of weeks. We got house citizens to look after the dog in the house. Obviously, we're in Labrador, so obviously Labradors don't tell you when they don't want to eat anymore.

They'll just keep eating. Oh, yeah. They're like me at the bloody Valentine's all-you-can-eat seafood buffet. Yeah, that's the one. Yeah, so these house sitters have never owned a dog, and this dog just keeps begging for food, and we come back, and the dog's on its back,

blowing up like a balloon, just unable to move. Like a food coma sort of thing. Yeah, so we had to take her into the vest, and she just couldn't walk, and it looked like she was going to blow up. How much did they feed it? Obviously quite a bit. We don't know. At the point where the dog is lying on its back with all four legs in the air,

I'm going, something's wrong here. Do you think we might have fed the thing a bit too much? Oh, my goodness. Oh, that's a... They never said a word. We just came back. That's a dog. Yeah, he always looks very happy.

That is great. How's the dog now, though, Josh? What was that? How's the dog now? Oh What was that How's the dog now Oh buried A happy ending I was going to say It sounded like it was from a while ago So yeah

Ben you looked at me And you were like don't ask us Don't ask that Ben can I heed a warning For the next 10 to 12 minutes of radio Going to be a lot of intersection-based content from Jono. Okay. Okay.

I feel like a lot of your stuff is, because you like to just go home after work, so a lot of your stuff just revolves. Travelling from A to B. Yeah. But I have noticed something, and I don't know if you are the same. Standing or sitting at an intersection now in your car,

motorists we're really pushing the boundaries with the color coding system of traffic lights like when your light goes green i'm having to wait and look around because pretty much yeah people are running reads now it's really true yeah you're right actually for many years we took the orange as like a just a signal of like If you think you can go on Give it a crack buddy It was a give it a crack colour Now red's the give it a crack colour

It's on a Without a word of lie you actually have to look Every way before you go It's scary isn't it because you're right Because if you just go when it soon as it turns green Which you're allowed to do there's cars Coming the other way yeah and then the problem is if you're At the front of the queue as soon as it turns green, which you're allowed to do, there's cars coming the other way. Yeah.

And then the problem is if you're at the front of the queue, as soon as it turns green in New Zealand, half a second, if you haven't gone, bang, someone behind you getting on the horn. You're like, all right, mate, I'm looking at my phone. We're parked. Yeah. It's, and hey, like I'm a maverick of the roads, Ben. I'm a pretty erratic driver, but hey, even me, it's getting a little, a little risky.

You're a little scared out there. Have you ever run a red? Well, not intentionally. No. No, I don a little little risky you know have you ever run a read well not intentionally no no i don't ever go you know oh my god accidentally is it going from the but yeah someone nearly hit you the other day and you swore under your breath at them the meanest thing ben boys has ever done swore in the car by himself yeah but at the same but that was at the same time i'd been put through because i was talking to the bank person uh getting my voice to voice recognition yeah and then that was afterwards like we record this for training purposes you're like

i've just called someone it's like not for you did you get your driver's license yeah so what i'm suggesting for waka kotahi is a new color a new color a fourth one where we're like okay enough's enough You've had your fun. Now you need to stop. It's not going to happen. Hello. How are you? Have you got yourself a sore ankle?

Oh, you're looking at my... I've got like a compression stocking. I was really hoping you would bring that up. Oh, sorry. I've got a compression stocking on. Because I was like, oh, she's got a black... It looks like one black tight. Yeah. What happened? I was like, shall I wear the other one so no one notices? But then it looks like

I'm wearing weird black tights under my skirt. No, I've had like my veins done in that leg where they inject your veins. Oh, really? It's really painful. It sounds painful. Yeah. So I've had to put my compression stocking on like an old lady. Oh, no.

All those cool people at the gym wear skins. I sometimes wear compression tights. He does. He wears them with no shorts. You wear shorts. No. No, I did that once by mistake, and I had to go home. That was going to be my question.

Tell me you wear shorts. I definitely wear shorts at the top. Yeah. I went in there, and I was like, uh-oh, uh-oh, I've forgotten shorts one day. And then I was like, I can't be in here. Can you please put it out there? My husband wears compression stockings. He's like, people don't always wear shorts.

I was like, they do. Oh, yeah. Mandatory. I feel like it should be mandatory, especially for me. Like, there's no, yeah. We're hung like Ken dolls. I was like, why especially for you? Yeah, no, it's the old compression.

You really, I think your athletic ability really needs to be on par with the compression tights. If you are wearing them at a gym, all blacks, warriors, silver ferns, black ferns, those are people who can, they can wander around in compression gear. Maybe instead of saying I've had like my veins done, I'll be like, oh, I've got like an injury from when I was like gymming hardcore. Yeah, I'll come up with a better story. That's what they say, they say they've been gymming hard, corber.

That's the phrase when you're working out. Anyway, what to watch? What's been happening? I'm hitting Apple TV hard this week and they're both a bit serious but the first one, you might have heard of it, The Crowded Room with Tom Holland. Sometimes I think that night marked me.

Everything that came afterwards. Couldn't be a coincidence, could it? Spider-Man. Yeah, Tom Holland, yeah. Yeah, but don't go into it thinking you're going to get anything like Spider-Man. This is quite different for him. He's actually going to take a year off acting because of how this affected him. And we're getting episodes bit by bit,

and you might have seen online this episode this week. There's a bit of controversy because it was some same-sex loving, which again, Tom Holland, you're like, what? So he's getting a lot of backlash for that because people find it weird that Spider-man would go into that but basically there's kind of a murder that unravels as you watch it you don't know whether he is a psychopath whether he did do it or whether he's been framed and to be honest episode three it took me to get into it but now i'm like oh i need to know what's happening. You persist a long time, don't you?

Like, getting to episode three is, you know, it's a commitment. People were talking about it so much, and, like, his acting was still incredible, so I was like, I'm going to stick it out. And, yeah, after episode three, I was like, okay, no, I'm on. I'm hooked. He gave up drinking as well, too? I was reading about him recently as well. Because of this? I think just that it helped his mental state but then obviously this acting this part

knows it back on the bottle yeah might be it's going down a dark hole but I still at this point I think I'm episode six

I still don't know if he's done it or not now Spider-Man there's a guy who can rock compression tights full body full body compression tights

he's not wearing shorts over the top is he no he pulls them off Tom Holland there we go We've come full circle Maybe that's a suggestion for the next Spider-Man

Wear shorts Put some shorts on over the top Spider-Man You can't come into the jets like that mate The jets