Jono, Ben & Megan - The Podcast - Show Highlights: The Beautiful Game!

Episode Date: July 19, 2023

Jono's beautiful game Brutal Breakups Who invented slime.. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

The Hits, with the Jono and Ben podcast. Thanks to Challenge, putting the service back into service stations. Yesterday I spoke to Bridget Jackson. She's our relationship expert on the show. And we just got talking about best way to break up with someone if you have to do it. I mean, it's a task that probably no human wants to ever go through. But this is her advice if you actually have to break up with someone. If you find it difficult, write a script. And that's what i talked to a lot of my clients about so having a think about what you're going to tell them and thinking about how to react don't personalize it and say you left the toilet seat up or i thought you were too short for me anyway scripting the breakup that's the way to go

a lot of celebrities are breaking up Over the last week or so Ariana Grande And her husband as well Sofia Vergara And her husband Of course was in Magic Mike Yeah they've broken up

She's the actress From Modern Family Gloria Yeah So as well Celebrity breakups Going on I wonder if there was

A script written down In any of those Well both performers Both artists Yeah You know Both in the entertainment biz, no doubt they had a bit of a,

they were reading on an autocue behind the person they were dumping. I've got a PA to do it. That would be, I mean, that's the idea. Remember primary school? You could just get, I know, Get a mate. Yeah, you go do it.

Yeah, come on. A mate would come back. Like, thank God. Nah, not into your bank. I'd like, who knows if they even asked or anything, you know? And then the other great breakup, I remember a friend actually being broken up with on the bloody Hot 9 at night.

On ZM. Really? Yeah, because the countdown. Yeah, back in the day, there was the top nine songs of the day. They'd play them at nine o'clock. And the poor nighttime host back then was just back then on radio was just like a portal for pubescent shout-outs and break-ups, weren't they?

But yeah, this girl at school phoned up and was like, oh yeah, I'd like to just send a message to Dave. He said, sorry, we're going to break up. On the hot night at 9. And do you know what was number one on the hot nine at nine no and this was the song she'd also requested to end of the road boys to men oh oh the problem was oh and there wasn't like podcasts and stuff you go back and listen to later thankfully someone because you used to also tape the Hot 9 at 9 on your cassette.

And then the annoying radio announcer would talk over the intro songs. But anyway, someone had taped it. So the message did come through. Rumours were swirling around the schoolyard. Well, the Hot 9 at 9. Yeah, and Boyz II Men was up. And they were number one.

Oh, double kick in the guts. I didn't even vote for Boyz II Men. So under the hits, 4487. Let's talk some brutal breakups. Can we get anything more brutal than the hot nine at nine? Well, that's pretty savage. Yeah, it is pretty savage. The hits, the Jono and Ben podcast.

Brutal breakups, that's what we got onto this morning. A terrible ritual that probably no one likes to engage in. The person being broken up with or the person doing the breaking up with. You dread it, don't you? Like going to your partner's christmas function you couldn't you couldn't even break up with um the kebab guy remember the kebab guy who caught you cheating on him with another kebab shop yeah but i was talking to someone i wasn't even eating a kebab but yeah yeah i was just talking to someone who was at the thing as i walked past and he was like oh i saw you at the thing and i was like but no i

was just talking oh you go to the other kebab yeah he's like let me smell your breath yeah that's the smell of the competition's tabooly right there my friend so brutal breakouts we'll get Shelly on from Hastings welcome to the show Shell hi guys I have a good breakup story what happened a good one so yeah well it was with my waxer. I had been going to her for a few years and then decided to go down the laser hair removal route. Popular option. And so it is, it is, it's a good one. And I had decided, no, I've got to tell her.

And just at that appointment where I was going to break up with her, she told me that she was shutting down I was going to break up with her, she told me that she was shutting down the business and going into business with her husband. So it was great. I was like, oh, that's really good for you, me, Lassa King. That's so good for me. So it was great. Oh, worked out for her. She's done.

All these bloody bushes are getting laser hair removal now, so I've had to shut down the waxing business. Good on you, Shelly. Appreciate it. Don't worry, guys. That's a dream break waxing business. Good on you, Shelly. Appreciate it. Don't worry. That's a dream breakup scenario. Yeah, you're right. Yeah, when they actually front foot it, that's wonderful. Sarah, you had a brutal breakup.

Hi, thanks so much. Yeah, I've had a bit of a weird one. Okay, so what happened? I was kind of in the midst of going to break up with him, and we went out, and all of a sudden he turned around and proposed. Oh, so when you were going out, you were actually planning to cut ties? Yeah, it had been rough for a wee while, and I was like, oh, no, I think we'd better cut ties,

and I think he got a complete wrong impression. And then he flipped around, and he's like, hey, I've got reading different vibes here. Oh, jeez, you really went to 180, didn't you? From what you went in to do. So what happened? I kind of froze for a little bit and then kind of said yes. You said yes?

Yeah. So you went from almost breaking up with him to saying yes, I'll marry you. I know. Obviously, I broke up a wee while later after that. But just caught in the moment of it. It was just, yeah, exciting at the same time as nerve wracking and stupid. Swept caught in the moment of it, it was just, yeah, quite exciting at the same time as nerve-wracking and stupid. Swept up in the romance. So, okay, so from the time you said yes to the time that you were like,

actually, this is not going to work, how many weeks or months was that? Oh, I think it was like four weeks later. I tried to think about, oh, maybe it will work, but then I was like, oh, really? No. And did you have to give the ring back? He didn't even propose with the ring or anything, so he literally just did a spare-the-moment thing. Oh, he had done no plans.

Yeah, so I'm pretty sure he was just doing it to stay together. Yeah, he picked up vibes. Good on him. Great play, too. I'm a desperate man. I know what desperate men do, and that's a great play. Yeah, yeah. And Sarah, so eventually you did have to break up, unfortunately? I'm a desperate man I know what desperate men do And that's a great play Yeah Yep Yep

And Sarah So eventually You did have to break up Unfortunately Yep Yep No That was a long time ago

Yeah Broke up and happily married Which I love my life now Oh That's good Hey love your work Sarah You go and have a great day We're going to break up with you now

And hang up on you Thanks The Hits The Jono and Ben Podcast Had to take Oscar He plays basketball My son I had to take Oscar, he plays basketball My son, I had to take him to a game And it was in

It was in an old neighbourhood where I grew up So I thought, you know, a little bit of a trip Down memory lane With the son, but what I quickly realised Is when you Are taking someone A plus one along for the ride Through your history They don't really care do

they they don't like it it's like when you took me back to marston and you're like oh there's where i went to school and there's right and i'm like oh that's just a location to me yeah i mean yeah yeah it depends how deep you delve into it i'm always quite interested with something you know that's cool because it gives you some sort of things but you know when people tell you the stories of where they, you know, a school, you know, you can picture that place in your head. I did. We went past my old school.

I said, that's my old school. And he went, oh, yeah. And it just looks like a school. A school, right. I said, there's my house. Oh, yeah. Do you want to, should we pull over and stop and have a look? Oh, no, I'm good, thanks.

Yeah. That's probably telling it to a kid is probably the downfall of that. It's like a real-time museum here. here at Te Papa I'm taking you through here but I think on those tours you need to take someone who is also with you in the moment so you can both yeah reminisce about that thing yeah like if you and Kevin Boyce went back to Masterton yeah we'd be like oh this is the school we lived at yeah but then I imagine my mum Annie Price she would bang on about memories she had that I wasn't involved with. And I'd be like, now you've lost me. No one really cares about anyone else's history, is what I'm trying to say.

No, it's probably a certain point. And you're right, when you're a certain age. You probably do start to go, okay. You get that, particularly when your parents get a bit older and stuff. Like now I'm interested. Yeah. You're like, what? For 30, 40 years, I haven't really cared much.

But I should really delve into that. You actually start listening. Yeah. It's not just a bunch of words coming out of a boring adult's mouth, isn't it? The Hits, the Jono and Ben podcast. The FIFA Women's Football World Cup kicks off today in New Zealand and Australia. But we get the first game today. It's going to be, well, if everyone turns up that's got tickets.

It's a sellout, Eden Park. 43,000 people going along. It's the biggest, the most amount of people that's ever gone to a football game in New Zealand. That is amazing. All whites last year had 30-something, 35,000 or something like that. But this is 43,000. Incredible. Yeah, great turnout.

And I know I heard an interview with the head of FIFA. Oh, yeah, he's here in the country, right? Yeah, he's like, mate. He didn't say mate, but he was like, New Zealand, we need you. Yeah, because first game's great, but there's other tickets that aren't going that great for other games. Yeah, Portugal versus Slovakia. Yeah.

Who's going along to that? I'm definitely going to go to a couple of games. We should get out and support these events. Because it's not... I want to see photographic evidence of you at these games. I'm saying I'll definitely go along. A couple of games, you said a couple of games. I was thinking the same thing. You're not going to go

to your house. I'm going tonight. You're going tonight? I am a famous... A couple of games, are you? A couple of games yeah great well that's good

I really think New Zealanders should because it is the biggest sporting

event there's no way you'll go along even if I had like oh mate

got free tickets I'll be there two games I won't tell you what two

games but I'll get out everyone should go along because it is awesome the world's best footballer there? I'll be there. Two games. I won't tell you what two games, but I'll get everyone's support. I think everyone should go along because it is awesome.

The world's best footballers here in New Zealand. Some kids' tickets, $10. Adults,

$20. It's pretty affordable for an international sporting event. That's why we're going to two games.

Oh, good. I can't wait to see the photograph. We'll put that on social media as well. Why do I need

photographing evidence? Because we don't believe you. That's why. You've said these things. You definitely won't be going to the games. What's going on, Producer John? Next Wednesday, Spain versus Zambia, Eden Park. We can get you some free tickets for that as well if you're keen, man.

Spain, Zambia? Yeah. I'll be there next Wednesday. Interesting because Victoria in Australia, they had the Commonwealth Games, and now they've decided they don't want it. So, yeah. Are we picking up the drinks?

Are we trying to put a proposal together? I mean, the Premier for Victoria over there, he's basically gone. I've just done the maths, and it doesn't make sense. Like, we're spending, like, $7 billion on something for 12 days. He's like, oh oh i want to spend that money on other things yeah i mean that makes sense but to be you know for you could have done the maths before you pitched yeah i want to be the new person that's come on in yeah and gone hang on the math doesn't add up yeah he's like you know great to have but you're like a lot of money when you're

like you're probably looking around you know probably same situations you want to reward nurses and teachers and all sorts of stuff i hear hear that. Fix the potholes on the roads and stuff. But New Zealand will be like, we'll pay $7 billion for it. We'll take it. The world likes us for 12 days. Yeah. Uh-oh.

Prepare to have your brain matter explode out of your head. This is going to blow your mind. I clicked through 47 pages of internet spam to bring you this information. I got lost in a deep, dark internet hole. Now, I'll give you some options before we head into

it. I could turn this into a two-part series, like a Patrick Gower investigates sort of job, or I could knock them all out in one. I'll let you decide as we go on whether you want it to be a two-part series. Just whether I'm tiring a bit, sort of thing. Okay.

Yeah. Now, this is a list of things you use most days, but you didn't know had extra functions. Okay. Okay. The oven. You use the oven a bit? Yeah, yeah.

Well, you leave your wife to do all the oven stuff. I use the oven pretty much every day. Yeah, there you go. And some ovens, the temperature doesn't, you know oven pretty much every day. Yeah, there you go. And some ovens, the temperature doesn't, you know, you put some stuff in it, it doesn't always reflect where you've turned the knob.

You know, it's too hot, too cold. Well, you can adjust the temperature. Did you know that? I did not know that. Well, what you do

is you put a thermometer inside the oven, crank it to 300 Fahrenheit, which I think is about 180 in degrees Celsius. Leave that there and then you can pull the knob off and apparently there's some screws

that you can turn and then put the knob back on and you can have it exact to the temperature that you put the thermometer on. So you can reset your temperature in your oven. What's the other function for the oven? What do you mean? Wasn't this the whole thing about what you use it for in other functions, didn't you say? Oh no, that wasn't... the whole thing about what you use it for in other functions didn't you say oh no that wasn't you were like things you use and other things i was like oh can you dry clothes in there or something yeah you can also put clothes in there

but that would be a fire risk but that is another function for the oven but that's not a good function you could leave the door the point of this thing was like things you use every day and other functions yeah maybe it was a misleading iboard headline. I was like, oh, okay. So I could use the oven for, I'm just setting the temperature so I could use the oven to cook stuff. Hidden functions, I guess. Oh, okay, good, all right. Sorry, I apologise.

That's all right. How are we going with the part two series? Well, I just needed some clarification, but I'm good to go. Petrol pumps. Yeah. You use those every day? Yeah.

Well, not every day, but at least once a week. Yeah, you don't want to be going there every day at the moment, would you? Well, you know some people, they leave the nozzle inside the car and drive off, and the whole thing goes dragging along, and it's an absolute nightmare. Great for social media. Great for social media. Great for movie and TV scenes as well, prank shows. Well, that doesn't actually happen. If you did that, there's a magnetic

there's a magnetic joining between the actual pump and the cord that separates. So you could speed up your time at the petrol station, go in, chuck it in there, sit in your car, once it's full, drive off, it'll just fall out on the full cord. Oh, so it'll kind of break off.

It breaks off. It doesn't even drag the entire thing. Patches of clothing. They come with extra bits of material sewn into them sometimes. You know you get like a little square or a flap? Yes, yeah. Do you know what that's for, Ben?

Oh, is that for mending things? No. No, okay. People think it's for mending things. It's for you to put through the wash cycle and test the detergent on the fabric to see if it'll fade the colour. That's quite handy because you get a little button sometimes too on

some things, a little extra button to replace the button. I love when they give you a little extra button, don't you? That's very fascinating. And so I can keep going. We'll come back to that one in part two. You like part two? Yeah, I like a part two. It's intriguing. I didn't even get to the one about the one I teased though. I'll just mention that quickly. Okay.

You know F and J on your keyboard? Have a look at those. Yeah. Two little bumps there, aren't there? Well, there are two. Two little bumps. F and J, yes. Yeah.

You know what they're for? No. Therefore, when you're typing and you're not looking at the keyboard, that's where you set your fingers back to the centre of the keyboard. Gotcha. You probably do it subconsciously without even knowing. But that's what the little bubs are for. Check out the little bubs, mate.

You love my little bubs, my little lady loves. There you go, that was the engineer. The hits. The Jono and Ben podcast. I'm just going to lead this. What monster, absolute monster, invented slime? Oh, yeah. That person must seriously hate humanity have you

have you encountered slime at the boys resident cassadel boys yeah the kids here yeah they're sort of phase of of either buying slime or you're trying to make slime oh yeah you can bootleg slime can't you get slime recipes off the and even kits you buy in shops as well you buy slime kits slime baking kits as well, and that just causes horrific messes around the place. Yeah, I don't know. What is the purpose of it? Apart from attaching itself to stuff you'd rather it not attach itself to?

I think it's just fun. It's just fun to kids like that sort of thing. You're having your hands, you can throw it there, you can do things with it. It's just part of the fun. I never fully relax around slime, though. That's my only problem. You? I find myself always on edge. Oh never fully relax around slime, though. That's my only problem. You? Oh. I find myself always on edge.

Oh, if someone else has got it. Yeah. Don't put your damn head. You know, just yelling the whole time. When you've got it yourself, you're like, oh, I can see why this is satisfying. But you're right. If you've got it in the household, you're like, oh. Yeah.

So we did get into a bit of a homemade slime-making mission over the holiday period as well. And you've got also, you've got like Clorax? I don't know what Clorax is. Do you know what Clorax is? What's it, Borax or Clorax? Yeah, I don't know either, yeah. It seems rather poisonous. Yeah.

But yeah, you're kind of just playing with this highly toxic, I don't know what, yeah, what the purpose of it is. Yeah. Yeah, and the only reason I'm bringing it up is last night I found a whole bunch festering away under the couch So who's put it here? At least

you know, like making that sort of stuff, it's a good gateway to, you know, Breaking Bad sort of situation I mean, we could turn this into a financial, you're right, a revenue stream Get them in young Yeah, that's right, maybe that's the future of stuff Chemists and people that also make illegal stuff but there's also people

that make good stuff and that sort of thing yeah Nano Girl oh yeah I could but Poppy could be the next Nano Girl

she makes great stuff in Nano Girl or a meth cook one of the two options it's just the options are there the hits the Jono and Ben podcast

tonight the Football World Cup kicks off in New Zealand Eden Park the Football Ferns are playing. The first game against Norway were pretty tough. They won, I think, in 1995 or something like that,

but they're like 12th or 14th in the world. But 43,000 people. It's going to be the biggest sporting football game as far as New Zealand's ever had. Yeah, well done. Well done. We're just worried about Zambia v. Spain next Wednesday night, so get your tickets for that. Yeah, we need to get out and support.

Just back a team. Go along, support it, be part of history. Two billion people are going to be watching it on TV as well. The weather's not looking that great later on tonight, but I'm sure it's going to be amazing spectacle. Opening ceremony, Benny's performing as well, so it'll be very cool. It's going to be a wonderful event.

And we're a bit nervous, because usually when these big international events are happening you get sent an email about what you can and can't say around the tournament yes

official lines of how you know we if we're not official sponsors how we lightly tippy toe around by mentioning it without mentioning it

well I know personally you and I are not official sponsors so that's to say we're unofficial sponsors so this is an unofficial game to do unsanctioned unsanction an unofficial game to do.

Unsanctioned. Unsanctioned with the game. What do they call it? The beautiful game. The beautiful game. What do we call this? The beautiful game. We call it the beautiful game.

The kicky ball thing that's going on right now. Yeah, that bears no reference to the conversation we just had. Yeah, there's something going on. Kicky ball thing. This is the beautiful game. Anyway, what we thought we'd do. 32 teams. Most amount of teams to ever compete in this is the beautiful game. Anyway, what we thought we'd do, 32 teams, most amount of teams to ever compete in this Kiki Ball game.

Tournament. Right. And we're going to play a national anthem. Now, Ben, you have no idea what this national anthem is. So it's one of the teams playing in the Kiki Ball tournament. Correct, absolutely. Right. And you've got to try and guess what the anthem is. I'll give you clues as to what country it could be,

but if you listening can beat Ben to the chase, and you've only got try and guess what the anthem is. I'll give you clues as to what country it could be, but if you listening can beat Ben to the chase, and you've only got one guess too, Ben. Oh, okay. You've only got one guess. If you can beat Ben on 0800THEHITS, we'll give you some hell pizza. Again, a brand in no way associated with the Kiki Ball Game. The fun Kiki Ball Game.

Not a paying sponsor. So you can sit down and watch and eat pizza and watch the... A Kiki Ball Game or something. Yeah sponsor. So you can sit down and watch and eat pizza and watch the... A Kiki Ball Game or... Yeah, if you want. Yeah, okay. I don't know if we've covered ourselves here. We'll have conversations after the show,

but let's get into the anthem. The problem is with anthems is they all sound the same. Yeah, I was just thinking. I was like, I know it. And now I'm like, I don't know if I do. It sounded England when it started.

Yes. It's not England. It does sound very royal. Or Praise Be like on Sunday mornings about nine o'clock. She's going to miss some early morning Praise Be. Okay, so I'll give you a clue. Neighbours at war. Who's at war with their neighbour? It's not a...

It's not a... Not the big war. Not the one that's going on right now at the moment. It keeps going on. If anyone knows 0800 the Hits... I'll give you a clue. They're playing Columbia. Columbia.

2pm Tuesday. Okay, well that's... They have more robots than anywhere else in the world. More robots? The average punter gets less than six hours sleep a night. Very busy. And they have parks full of sexy statues. Sexual statues.

There's nothing quite like walking through a park full of erotic statues. Walking through the woodies. I don't know. Here's another interesting fact. If you were born on the exact same day as someone from this country, at the exact same time, they would always be older than you. Because from the day you're born,

they consider you one, not zero. Really? Who do you think it is, Ben? Can you have a guess? I have no idea. Vane. Is it Vane or Vane? Vanessa. Oh? Vanessa.

Oh, Vanessa. None of the above. We've changed the name of the football to Kiki Ball. Thank you. We'll change your name as well. Vanessa. I've handed out the clues. Would you like one more clue?

You think you've got the answer? I think I do, but I'd like another clue, please. You'd like another clue? They... Gangnam Style. China. China? Japan.

Korea. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yes. Well, yeah. Yes, well, yeah, yeah. Oh, jeez.

All right, well done, well done. You got yourself your help, Pete, so we're moving on from that. Why don't I have that game? We'll be back for legal reasons, also for reasons that... Oh, I love you guys. Love you too, mate.