Jono, Ben & Megan - The Podcast - Show Highlights: The Wedding Present Debate!

Episode Date: May 21, 2023

Jono has a big dilemma with a wedding and whether he takes a present?? The mascot hunt continues! Motivational Monday! See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

The Hits, with the Jono and Ben podcast. Thanks to Challenge, putting the service back into service stations. I need to start the show, Ben, with retraction. Now, something we did on Friday night, we emceed the Škoda Awards, you know, the car company. And obviously they've got a, they're the new fleet of police cars now, aren't they, the Škodas? Yeah, and they've been awesome supporters of the Hits Radio Station. We've given away two brand new Skodas over the last couple of years with cash and car, which has been tremendous.

So thank you very much to them. You had a wonderful night. Obviously, the New Zealand Police sent along a representative to the awards night and we got talking to Brian. I also made some jokes about how, is this a Magic Mike themed stripper in police uniform? But no, it was an actual police person.

With a suspicious package that we had to hide. Yeah, we did it all back. Great prop comedy. But then afterwards, I got talking to him. And I said, can I talk to you about the police helicopter? I've heard some wild rumors about the helicopter. And he's like, okay. I said, I heard that they have a

system so precise that they can measure the heart rate of of motorists traveling down the road so if someone's ram raided a michael hill jeweler their heart's running a million miles an hour the adrenaline's running through them right so they're on the motorway and the helicopter can go zero in on the high heart rate of this particular motorist. And he said, I don't know where you heard that, but that is 100% not true. And I was like oh! And then I was thinking, did I hear it? Did I half hear a story, make the rest up?

Did I dream it? And I went, we the mainstream media drongos, we're always about, you know, don't go to the misinformation on TikTok. I'm spreading misinformation. All the time. I'm the leading cause of misinformation. You just say stuff. You just keep saying stuff. Stuff I've just made up. And sometimes

I'm like, I don't know where he's got it from. You've heard half a story. You're like, yeah, you're not the greatest listener. Ten times worse than the anti-vaxxers online, I am. Don't believe a word that comes out of my mouth. So I need to apologise to the police helicopter. It doesn't have that technology. It'd be cool if it did though, wouldn't it?

At least you didn't say it on stage. At least you didn't make it part of the MC gig. Because we did some shockers of MC gigs over the years. That one, this fortunately wasn't. This was a fun event and I think we did fine. But yeah, we've had some shockers. Remember that Hallenstein Brothers one many years ago and I held up the trophy. This was a fun event and I think we did fine. But yeah, we've had some shockers. Remember that Hallenstein Brothers won many years ago and I held up the trophy.

It was a wonderful shield. That's right. And I was like, look at this. The salesperson of the year. This is the main prize tonight. This wonderful shield. I held it up for everyone to see it. I had the person's name who won.

The big award at the end of the night. And this was at the beginning of the night. Everyone was like, well, we might as well go home now. Yeah, so we didn't do anything like that that was very funny look at this shield look at this everyone look at this name

that's been engraved on it for the big award everyone's like oh well clearly that person's going to win the hits

the Jono and Ben podcast hugging we all do it don't we unless you some people are not huggers

yeah no as I said that I kind of stereotyped but yeah some people they don't like unless you are some people are not huggers yeah no some i was just as i said that i kind of stereotyped uh but yeah some people they don't like human to human contact do they um but i i like to hug ben you're a hugger yeah i don't want to hug well not you know like not everyone i'm not just meeting people and hugging them you know sometimes you get a bit put off with the first time you meet someone and they come in for a hug you're like oh okay you're hugging first off the bat i see yeah but uh saw someone that i was out with oscar saw someone that i knew and so did a handshake hug combo oh yeah okay now oscar was the third party here my son he's watching on and i had somehow i had found my arm somehow entangled it had come up

underneath their armpits oh yeah so i'm kind of coming from behind and it's a full embrace yeah and then i get away from the hug and there's an unwritten law you kind of you get the vibes you feel it you you're engaged the rules of engagement you're there for two to three seconds you're out yeah oscar claims i held on to my hug for three seconds past the threshold he's like it was long. It was too uncomfortable to watch. I could tell they were trying to pull away. You were still in the embrace. In all reality, my arm was kind of wedged in under there.

Some sort of UFC sort of arm lock. A game of twister. Yeah. Yeah. I couldn't dismount. Right. You have made it a bit awkward though, haven't you? If that's a six-second hug, you've made it way too awkward.

You really have. What's an appropriate hug time, though? I'm probably with Oscar. It's probably a two- to three-second thing. It's probably, you know, unless, you know, a family haven't seen for a while, airport situation, that's a long one. That's a long one, you know?

Like, yeah, it was probably teetering on an almost a condolence hug. You'd give it a funeral. Yes, that could be a long one. That could be a long one. You can hold on to those for as long as you feel necessary. Yeah. But just a greeting in a Westfield mall,

probably I agree, probably did go a little far. We were just actually talking about that where their last song was playing, about hugging and how you see people out of work. And for some reason, you wouldn't hug them at work, but you see them at a social function, and then suddenly you're like, oh, hey, and you feel like, why does it, you hug them out of work. Like, if you're hugging me out of work, hug them at work, but you see them at a social function, and suddenly you're like, oh, hey, and you feel like, why does it,

you hug them out of work. Like, if you're hugging me out of work, hug me inside work. Ben, who are you talking about going to hug them now? I'm not going around the office this morning. Wouldn't that be weird? You know, I don't want to be that weird guy at work that's all like, hey, you know? Yeah, but it's a very good observation. Well, I mean, it's a formal professional setting in the office, isn't it?

Outside of work, you're up to all sorts of nonsense. Well, like Sharon, we used to do the drive show with her for many, many years. And she was always saying, we don't hug at work, but we see each other out of work. In social function, we'd hug. Because every day we wouldn't come in and go. So you and I, we don't come in and hug each other every morning. No. But I might like if I had seen you for a few weeks of a Christmas or out on a social thing.

Yeah, good. Our friend Jeremy, he would really take it to the next level, wouldn't he? He would embrace you, then start blowing raspberries on your neck. That's a good friendship tester. The Hits, the Jono and Ben podcast. Mascot, we're on the hunt for a show mascot. We're actually for a mascot for The Hits. And it's all spawned off our TV ad at the moment.

You might have seen we were talking to kids, getting their ideas how to market the show, Radira. Kogan from the West Coast saw this and he messaged us last week and said, you guys, you need a mascot. Stroke a genius from Kogues there. Kogan's heroes.

We wanted to do a segment with him, didn't we? That's right. And so this is it. We're finding a mascot and people have been entering some great entries on the Hits Breakfast on Facebook here. There's like a double-headed alien named Gary. Ooh.

Gary walks around with a cup of juice. Okay. That's a good one. Yeah, that's cool. There's one where I look naked behind a big radio. Does that require me to be naked? Naked behind a radio at all times. Turn up to like kids kids events and stuff?

$500. $500 is what you could win. So head to the hits.co.nz right now. Download the form and you can draw us a new mascot. Because we need to decide. This week we need to decide on the new Hits mascot. There's a good one with a musical note. But the musical note is coming out of both of the sides of our faces

and it joins us together. Oh, like we're sort of conjoined sort of twins or something. Okay, all right, cool. Plastic surgery's an option. Keep them coming through. We want to know this morning, though, because we're going to have a mascot. It's going to have to get made

and we're going to have to have someone inside the mascot suit. Have you ever been a mascot? I mentioned the other day a previous sports TV show that we used to do. Decided that sports teams have mascots. We should have one on the show. We had a couple. One of them was a Grinch costume that we got,

and we had the Grinch who stole, not Christmas, but sport. He would turn up at sports games. One of us would have to get inside and momentarily say, hey, establish trust with someone. You'd say, here, pass me the ball. They'd be passing a ball in a park. You'd get the ball, and then you'd just try and then you just try and run away and break that trust immediately it would establish trust then destroy it and then you'd bring it back afterwards oh then you get the

trust back well you bring it back we're not on camera you bring it back and go hey sorry about that we're just filming for a thing and that was the way it kind of worked for a while and that was a textbook one yeah but people don't know that you're going to bring it back sometimes you know and that what happened at a golf club. I basically walked off with someone's golf trundler. In fact, I started running and I just heard a guy go, oh, you're dead, bro. And he chased me down and ended up breaking a golf club over my back as I screamed,

it's for TV, it's for TV. That's a big hit to break the club on your back. Just to launch that. Fair enough though, I was taking his stuff. And then you paid to replace the golf club he broke on your back.

Exactly. It was graphite too. It was a graphite. They're expensive, those clubs. He smashed graphite over your back. Yeah, it was, yeah.

Different time. Different time. Wouldn't do it now. That mascot's going to be safe and sound just giving away promotional sausages and things like that

for the hits. All right, so 0800 the hits. Have you been a mascot? And I know many of them fall victims to attacks from children, don't they? Yeah. Group attacks. Like if there wasn't a costume between you and the kids kicking you, it'd be a serious assault charge, wouldn't it?

But because there is a costume, there's free reign for the children. So 0800 the hits, 4487. And obviously the kids are of a height where your precious parts look very punchable. Don't they? What are the pitfalls of being a mascot? Have you been one? We'd love to talk to you next. We're looking for a mascot for the Hits radio station.

Head to the hits.co.nz. Design one for us. You can win 500 bucks. Now we're mascoting, pulling the mask off the mascots. Because, you know, there are people behind those costumes. Ben, you just told a harrowing tale of having a golf club broken over your back. That's true. And in the only time, I think the only moment in history

where the victim has paid to repair the weapon that attacked him. Well, it was all my fault, though, to be honest, so we had to, right? Someone's texted in 4487 saying, I'm a school principal and Harold the Draft came to school. And they got me in the Harold the Draft costume. The kids didn't know. And so he's saying it was not very breathable. And it was a hot summer's day.

He started to feel a little bit woozy. And committing to the role refused to take the mask off. You don't want to unmask Harold. No, no. Not in front of the kids But then he fainted In front of the children On the stage

Traumatising for the kids Text here says The last thing he heard was Oh no Harold's dead From one of the children Had to be revived in the office They shipped Harold off

And all's well that ends well But we're going to get Oh our friend Mike Joins the show this morning. Mike Heard, now you were the blues mascot, the Auckland Blues mascot, Mike. Yeah, morning, boys. I was a blue-bearded pirate for four seasons, three or four seasons. Four seasons.

Illustrious seasons. Now, was this during the period where the Blues were losing or was this the... They were, mate, but I was stoked because I was a Crusaders fan at the time. I used to wear my red and black undies under the pirate costume So what happened as Bluebeard? Did you get attacked by children? It's a dangerous game My career actually ended when I broke my foot falling off the pirate ship

Leading up to that was lollies and jet planes flying out of the stands and crashing into your helmet. Someone will get stuck in the little fan that will keep you cool, so you'd overheat a bit. It was pretty dangerous. And you broke your foot. Geez. Because I imagine visibility is not great.

You're not good at 100, do you? Well, I was probably trying to achieve things that my body wasn't meant to, and there was a cool karate kick off the pirate ship onto the field. He's a showman. He broke his foot. So what do you do? Are you rolling around on the field in agony or do you have to just walk it off?

No, my head nearly fell off. I had a whole support crew run up so they didn't ruin the illusion that it was some ginger-headed fella underneath a hard hat. But I pulled together and I did 90 minutes with a broken foot. Oh, he played through. He played through. You don't hear about those at the end of the game, do you?

A lot of true here. I love it. I told you, Mike. I appreciate you sharing that story. So good. Jeremy with us on 0800 The Hits. You were a mascot, Jeremy. Yes, I was.

Way back in the 90s, mate it's a long way long time ago okay you've left those days behind you what were you who were you i was in the netball yeah do you remember netty i'm gonna have a google of netty the new it doesn't doesn't it's a good look mate there's some really nice looking sort of red tights and a giant netball head which you couldn't see out of. Oh, yes. Didn't have the luxury of any fan inside my netball. Yeah, now those tights, they really did wrap around, didn't they? They're quite special.

Yeah. And the yummy mummies, they loved it. So the netty, the netball, any accidents? Were you attacked? There was always a couple of kids getting in the way, but I think the worst one was actually when I had a couple of too many vodka red balls just to psych up before the game, because you want to get into mode. I actually was running down the field and ran straight into the goalpost.

Put myself down on the count, and it's quite hard to get off the floor When you're a giant netball This is the dark side of mascots This is what they try and keep away This is what we needed to know before we decided We wanted to bring a mascot to the Hits radio station No vodka Red Bulls

And visibility I think visibility is key as well for our costume Absolutely Good on you Jeremy Thanks for your call mate Appreciate it well for our costume absolutely hey good on you jeremy thanks for the call mate appreciate it the hits the jono and ben podcast needs some motivation heading into the week well this is the segment for you we like to look at something normally it's uh one of the videos that jono sent me over the weekend many many videos i

got in a barrage yesterday afternoon didn't i geez? There was a lot there. I was sitting in my car at Bunnings for some reason and then I got on the internet, the deep dark hole of Instagram and I was just firing them off about 8 to 12 videos in one hit there. One where a guy was doing a handstand and then he had a bicycle that someone else was spitting a bicycle

wheel that was kind of placed inside. By his bottom. Yeah, and it was sp spinning around and I was like, Jono sent me something. I was a guy doing a handstand in a sort of crouch position. It looked almost traditional, didn't it? And it was like you'd spin a basketball on your finger while someone else had spun a bike tyre around and around his bottom.

So that could be motivational, but I know that could be what we use this morning for a motivational button, but we haven't. You know how you always say, oh, let's have a see what we call you do tube. Ben, we should give that a go this morning. I'll get you on a handstand and I'll spin a bicycle wheel around on your bottom.

Hilarious. Anyway, no, no, it wasn't that one. Although that is inspiring. That inspired me for the week. That little hero can do that. We can do anything in life dreams can come true uh but no have a listen to this uh this is some audio about stuff you shouldn't be doing and how far ahead you'll get if you minus all the stuff you shouldn't be doing

and you put all your energy towards what you know you should you'll be at such a high level you'll look around and in four five six seven years you'll be at such a high level you'll look around and in four five six seven years you'll be better than everybody at what you do see stop doing stuff you shouldn't be doing even though sometimes the stuff you shouldn't be doing is the there's the fun stuff i know i shouldn't be logging on to ben's computer when he's not in here and buying exotic goods online but it's fun i shouldn't do it like you just said you're in buddings looking at instagram videos is that stuff you should be doing or shouldn't be doing like where's this because i need to send a video of a little fella on a handstand getting a bicycle wheel spun around

in his butt cheeks probably not no i shouldn't be doing that there's more productive things you can be doing and that's the takeaway isn't it all that stuff you shouldn't be doing you'll get further ahead yeah seven years you'll be the best in the industry yeah there's a truth to that there is a truth to that but sometimes you do end up have stuff you know sometimes sometimes i shouldn't pretend that i can't hear jen my wife from another room when she's calling me i shouldn't be doing that but i do it i'll stop it and I'll be further ahead. You name where you want to be in seven years? What?

You. Where do you want to be? If the boss is listening, right here, mate. Love it here. Well, you can probably just keep doing what you're doing there. I was hoping you were going to be like President of the United States or something. He's just hoping to be where he is now in seven years' time.

Hopefully that's achievable. Who knows? The hits. The Jono and Ben podcast. Right. But been invited to a wedding. And it's a couple of months away. But they have stipulated, do not bring presents.

Have they done that call? No presents, just your presents, but spelt with presents and presents? They haven't done that. That's good. And for the record, someone's presence is never better than a present. Oh, it is. It is when people made the effort.

When we got married, when we ended up getting married in Fiji, people that made the effort to come over with their presents was better than a present, and that's what we did. Did you also ask for presents? No, we didn't actually. Your presents was lovely. Because people had paid to come over for our

wedding and also have a bit of a holiday. But in that instance you're like no present then you get why you're saying no present because of the effort that's gone in. A couple of people did but it was definitely not expected a couple of show ponies coming yeah yeah but so i don't know what to do here like sometimes when people say no presents they actually mean whatever you do you better bring a present you

suffered this this fight with your wife yes not for obviously not for a wedding uh but for for christmas she was like we're not going to do presents for each other. I'm like, great, great, great. Good, you've said it. You mean what you said. I've agreed to it. We will focus on the kids, other members of the family, that sort of thing. And then on Christmas Day, it was all going great.

And then all of a sudden, Amanda's like, oh, I know we said. And I'm like, no, don't. And I just went, no, don't. You said, I agreed. That was the deal. But I saw this little something. I'm like, no, no. No, no, I'm not accepting it.

No, give it to me on Boxing Day, whatever it is, because we agree, no presents. And I stuck to it. And then I look like the bad person. Everyone's like, the rest of the family are like, oh, it's so nice. It's not nice. This is where I would love to employ a life rule

where everyone has an emergency present just ready to go. Just a generic gift voucher ready to go at any moment. Anytime. I've always thought that's a great idea. I've never followed through on it, but it would be perfect for that sort of situation. Oh, you got me something. Let me just do it out the back. It's a $10 Bunnings card.

There we go. Enjoy. So, 0800 the hits. Does no present at a wedding mean no presents at all? Like, do I stick to this or am I going to get in a Ben Boy situation? Yeah, you're going to get to the wedding and there's going to be like a presents table and other people, even though they weren't meant to, have still brought presents. I know one of your tricks, great play, is you turn up.

I haven't done this. You turn up. This is the sort of tight ass he is. I haven't done this. You turn up to a wedding with a card a happy wedding card and what you do is you write congratulations on the on the nuptials i hope you enjoy my very expensive large electronic present and you just chuck it on top of the pile of presents now this then leads the couple to believe that the card has been disengaged from the gift you

still get a credit for it i said that was an idea you could do. I said you could even go to the trouble of putting a little bit of sellotape on the top of the envelope as well so it looks like it's come off. Yeah, he's a details guy. He's thought about it. I wouldn't specify electronics. If you're going to do it, just say, I hope you enjoy the gift. The expensive gift?

Well, yeah, that keeps it open to everything that a card could have fallen off from. But I haven't done it, but it would be a good play. Oh, 800 of the hits. 4487. Does no present mean no present? You can give us a call. Have you fallen victim to this? Did you have a wedding and say no presents,

but secretly you did want presents? Now we're talking about presents. If they've stipulated no presents, does no presents mean no presents when it comes to a wedding? A load of text coming through here on 4487. Some really great feedback here. We're getting married in October. My fiancé and I have said we don't want presents, just money.

Oh, yeah. Cash money. Some people do like the money and it's useful. No one's ever upset to receive money. No, you're right. It's a really handy gift. Another text here. We got married last year.

I said no presents, but sometimes people turn up with presents. Again, we're not upset if presents arrive at the door. But are you obligated to bring it, is the question.

But should you just, because you don't want to be that person and go, oh. Listen, the only reason that I had a wedding was to get a $50 Briscoe's voucher. You know, it wasn't the love, the lifelong bond, you know, drunk uncles making speeches.

No, it was to get free gifts. It was your one day to make it rain presents. Let's go to Cathy. You're on. Welcome to New Zealand's breakfast. No presents. Is it no presents? I'd say no presents.

But however, make sure you have a card, a lovely wedding card, and in there you could put a voucher in from your favourite restaurant to a couple of Smiths, so it's an acknowledgement of the fact that you see no presents. So when they do open it, you're not walking in with a box, and when they do open it, they do feel a little bit special.

Wow, so Cathy's... Yeah, not a bad thought. Cathy said don't get presents, but then turn up with a card that is a voucher which is a present well it is a present but you're not coming in with a big yeah look at me with a rice cooker sort of thing yeah but yeah she reckon okay yeah they'll chuck it on the table and then open it a couple of days later and go oh that, that's really nice. We can go out for dinner or a massage or something like that, a couple of massages. Kathy, you're like a guru.

You're like the Dalai Lama, aren't you? Without that weird tongue thing you did. Yeah, I was going to say Dalai Lama. You don't want to be the Dalai Lama, actually. Good on you, Kath. Really appreciate it. Jodie, you're on from Auckland. No presents.

Is it no presents when it comes to a wedding? Good morning. Yes and no. We said no presents. We've to a wedding? Good morning. Yes and no. We said no presents. We've been together for quite some time. And getting married was the last piece of the puzzle. So it was more of a bit of a booze up for us. We did receive some presents and they were absolutely lovely.

So that was cool. See, I'm getting a general theme here. Even though it's billboarded. But they've said no presents. I know, this is the thing, Jodie. Yeah, thank you for your call. I've gone to chat GPT to give me the answer. In general, no presents means typically that there are no gift or physical items should be given.

However, this interpretation can vary depending on the context and the individuals involved. I'll tell you what, chat GPT is sitting more on the fence than my friend Ben Boyce. Yeah, sounds like something I'd say. And Helen, we'll go to Porirua. How are you? Good morning. How are we? How's P-Town this morning? All good? Beautiful. It's always beautiful here. It always is. Now, do we need to take a present or not?

Hey, look, if I go to dinner at someone's house, even if they say don't bring anything, I always take a bottle of wine. My other half and I actually got married last year after a very long time together. We are grandparents. We got lots of cool stuff like a magnum of champagne. We did get vouchers. We didn't want it. We didn't expect it, but it was lovely. It was something because your wedding Always goes in a bit of a blur So it's kind of something

To celebrate together later And remember Can I say You're the youngest Sounding grandmother I've ever spoken to And looking of course Yeah

There we go Three from three Everyone's saying Bring a Ignore it Well then let's just say Let's just say Whatever you've got

Bring it Loads of them Wedding You know what to do Vouchers. But I do have some feedback on Christmas. So, it doesn't

matter what she says. Always buy a present. I've learned that one the hard way, haven't I? Where were you like three years ago? If she doesn't buy you something, then you've got brownie points in the bank. Helen, where were you three years ago? Wouldn't it be weird if Helen was at your Christmas day?

Good on you, Helen. You look after Wellington and have a great day.