Jono, Ben & Megan - The Podcast - Show Highlights: The Worst Listener Jokes of All Time

Episode Date: November 8, 2023

Can you make us laugh Ben tries noodles with milk How did you meet your partner  See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

The Hits with the Jono and Ben podcast. Cheers to Dilma, making the world a better tea. Yesterday we were talking about someone that's gone viral on TikTok, having a crack at people not eating two-minute noodles correctly. In her opinion, she's Australian, so there we go, I'll just say that. It's probably unnecessary to the story. Oh, she's Australian? A lot of people are already casting judgment now.

She was saying that she finds it, she's quite offended by the fact that people would make two minute noodles and get rid of the water afterwards and not have it like some sort of broth. She said it was psychopathic. I thought she might have been overshooting the mark there but hey, passionate about the topic and we just got into a two minute

noodle dog leg, didn't we? For 15 minutes we dedicated this show to two minute noodles and what people are doing, how they're approaching the cooking process. Yeah, because we're like water in or out. That was the simple question, wasn't it? But then it fed off. Completely fed off.

Have a listen to this. What I do is I actually seen this thing on TikTok and you put your noodles in the pot and cover it with milk and it sort of thickens it. Ooh. And it's amazing it sort of thickens it. Ooh! And it's amazing. You have to try it. Have to try it. Yeah, so it sounds like it's creating a sort of a fettuccine atmosphere

in the pot. Now, you decided to go home and give this a trial. Yeah, I did. At the end of a couple of netball games later, I've got to get this sorted. Well, because I know before we left the show yesterday, Taylor and Joel, the producers, one of the producers was like, hey, why don't you go home and cook two-minute noodles? And I know you were like, well, Jono's never going to follow through with this.

So you're like, I'll do it. Yeah. And then all afternoon, text coming through. Have you done the thing? Yeah, yeah. Have you done the thing yet? So it came through 8 o'clock last night. That's right.

With my daughters, Sienna and Indy, we decided to make some two-minute noodles, as Shirley suggested. Okay, so today, Shirley suggested that we make two-minute noodles with milk. It'd be like pasta, kind of. It might be like pasta, all right. It's just like, it kind of just tastes like spaghetti. All right, Gordon and Ramsey, let's just try it first. All right, let's go. Okay, it's cooked.

Okay, cooked. Here we go. I'm going to try it without the sachet then. Okay, okay. It tastes okay. Okay, here we go. It's really weird. It's actually not as bad as I thought it would be.

No. It's okay. Okay, now let's put the sachet on it. Okay, yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Okay. Mmm. It tastes better. It is bitter.

It's not bitter. The flavoring kind of disguises the milk. Yeah. It's more creamy. Yeah. Okay. So with the sachet. I see why they put cameras in front of the MasterChef judges now.

Yeah. Yeah, with the sachet, it was a lot better. Yeah, like before we put the flavouring in, you were kind of like, oh. These are just milky noodles. And you felt like you had wasted a lot of milk, getting rid of all that milk. That was your concern before the show.

You're like, well, I'm still getting the exact same lovely flavour with water. Yeah, but then with the sachet in, I was like, okay, could be on to something. I'm not saying I'm rushing out to do it every time, but hey, I can see where she was coming from. Out of 10? Out of 10 bins? of 10 Ben's?

The Ben-o-meter? I would say 6 out of 10. Okay, well what would you give a macaroni and cheese then? I'm just trying to think of another dish, just so we can get a gauge of where this sits for you. Let's say macaroni and cheese are 8 out of 10. Oh, okay. So it's not quite as good for me as a mac and cheese. A tub of hummus and a celery stick.

10 out of 10, mate. 10 out of 10. All day. All day. Two things that sound like they don't go together, though. Milk and two minute noodles. Yeah, but I can see how they got to that. And yeah. You know, I love the boomer society, the section of society.

Loved it. Some of them just love rinsing vinegar all over fish. Oh, fish and vinegar? Yeah. Yeah. Speaking of two things that don't sound like they don't go. Have you tried that? No. Strangely delicious. What? Malt vinegar. Oh, like when you have fish and vinegar? Yeah. Speaking of two things that don't sound like they don't go, have you tried that? No.

Strangely delicious. What? Malt vinegar. Oh, like when you have fish and chips? Yeah. Yes, I do. I thought you were like marinating it or something like that. Oh, okay.

Have you tried that, Joel? Yeah. I thought they put it on the chips as well. Yeah, they go all over. Yeah. And sometimes you haven't even had a chance to intercept the shared meal. Vintage. Oh, really? Yeah. Oh, geez. That's not so good. Oh, really? Oh, jeez.

That's not so good. Hey, across the road yesterday, there was you know when someone buys flowers for their partner, you assume, like, what have you done wrong? It seems to be the common question, doesn't it? Yeah, or it's a birthday or something that, you know.

Yeah. I like getting flowers. They're great. Yeah, I'm no good at maintaining them, though. Like every time my wife, Jen, loves orchids, we've had orchids in the house, probably killed about seven orchids. Right.

And they're pretty maintainable sort of. Yeah. Yeah. No good at maintaining them. But I overheard a conversation. So he's brought flowers in and he's met his girlfriend. And there was a third party. I don't think he knew the couple.

He's like, in trouble are we, mate? That's what someone said to him. Yeah. He was in line. We were waiting for coffee. He was the next one in line. In trouble, eh? Bit of making up to do.

And he came back with the ultimate humbler. No, her mother's just passed away. That really sucks the wind out of the conversation then, doesn't it? Yeah, well, there's plenty of reasons why you can give flowers. And I thought it was a bold move to even come in with flower banter. Oh, here we go. We did the same thing to Mark Ellis, didn't we? The very funny Mark Ellis as well.

Don't really know him, but loved him on TV for many, many years. And we saw him at the airport. He was very friendly, came out and had a chat with us. And he was looking very flash with a, you know, a scarf and a suit. Very European. I was like, oh, if anyone can take a bit of banter, it's Mark Ellis. Because years of banter. We're like, look at you, mate.

Macca, mate. Look at you. You look like you're just on the front of a... Are you going to court? Where are you going, mate? The catwalk in Milan. Where do you come from? He went, I'm going to a funeral, actually.

And then, yeah. He saw the funny side of it, which is good. Well, that's not the maca we know and love, mate. Very humbly moment. It is, yeah. So just don't, the message is don't take the gamble. The Hits, the Jono and Ben podcast. Great story here.

I've just stumbled across a lady who was uh she was on a date with her fiance and they were at a pool at a hotel and the fiance is like hey i'm just gonna go up to the hotel room and have a shower i'll see you down here shortly she's like okay great i'll stay here i'll wallow in the water. Yeah. And as she's wallowing, a gentleman approaches, and she says, quote, unquote, I was like, damn, he's fine, girl. And she starts flirting with this new guy. Oh, wow. And he starts up a conversation, and he's like, are you here with anyone?

She comes back with, no, just my cousin. Uh-oh. But it's her fiancé. Yeah. Who's up? Who's showering? Who's showering? Fast forward five years later, this new guy and her married three kids.

Really? How she met the husband. Wow. And that guy's still in the shower. He's like, She said she was Round here somewhere She said she'll be back up Yeah

I'll just wait by the pool She'll be back shortly Wow That's a crazy way To meet your partner isn't it Yeah 0800 the hits telephone number You know where we're going with this

Yeah You've listened to radio Oh we love We love the stories though It's always fascinating To find out how people You know Ended up together

And where they met Sometimes unusual circumstances Both of us would probably Get cancelled, wouldn't we now? We've both met our partners at work. Frowned upon, isn't it, in a lot of workplaces? I think it can be a bit more these days, depending on what sort of circumstance it is, I think. Yeah, what other circumstances?

Well, like if it's an imbalance of power sort of situation. Those sorts of things can be frowned upon. But what if it is an imbalance of power, but it's also love? A powerful love imbalance of power. Maybe. What happens with that? Maybe someone needs to go work somewhere else,

maybe, in that situation. And that may be the case in a lot of things. But yeah, we did. I met my partner, Amanda, when she was working at Radio at the time. I do remember looking back. I was thinking of this the other day, because I remember the first conversation I had with her was by the photocopier

and she was struggling she was like I don't know and looking back I was like there was no way she was struggling on the phone she knows more about technical stuff than I do it was probably just a reason to hang around and talk I was like yeah if anything I would be did you did you fix the photocopier definitely not I had, definitely not. I had no idea. Does anyone know how to replace a paper in this thing? Yeah. Like, to be honest, I said, she knew exactly how to do that. Hey, well, smart play.

Smart play, that worked too. Yeah, Jen, she doesn't like to talk about this publicly, but our first official date was at the Lincoln Green in West Auckland. I think it was either a burnout competition or a bikini competition or some form of competition. Right. Because she worked at the radio station

at the same time too and that was where we first officially met. But again, she likes to ignore that fact publicly. That love blossomed. Lincoln Green sounds like something you buy in $20 bags out west as well. That was out the back. So yeah, how did you meet your partner?

Come in here, Producer Taylor. Why don't you come in here? Because Taylor's with her husband, Marcelo. Oh, she says she's on the phone. She can't talk. Who are you on the phone to? We're doing a bloody radio show. What is this?

Probably people calling up. You just ask people to call up. What's going on? Honestly, you just ask people to call in. So what do you think i'm doing on the phone to my family out there or something well i didn't know you're just like i'm on the phone yeah well you just say give us a call right now you know how this works and then you're like who's she talking to do you think i talk to myself out there because i live somewhere yeah marcello

how did you two meet you tell us the honest truth i'm not in the mood now. I was a cheerleader for the Bulldogs. He played for the Bulldogs at that time. And it was a relationship that was frowned upon by the club. It was, because when you're a paid cheerleader, you sign a contract saying you can't fraternise with the players. What about the unpaid ones?

Well, different stories there, obviously. Fraternise all they want. You're married, you're here in New Zealand together. Nine years later, I think it worked out pretty damn well. Forbidden love. Did you cheer extra harder for him? Yes, for sure. We passed each other in the hallway and stuff.

How long did you have to keep it hush for? We kept it on the DL for two years, and then someone snitched in the squad. I know who it was, too. Did she get stitches? Mm-hmm. All right, on to the hits.

How'd you meet your partner? Taylor apparently is answering phones. The hits, the Jono and Ben podcast. We want to know how you met your partner. Yeah, let's get Pam on.

She's from New Zealand. Welcome, Pam, from New Zealand. Hi. Lovely to have you on. How'd you meet your partner, Pammy? Well, I met him through an ex-boyfriend, and he was at a wedding,

and I was with my partner at the time. He was with the bridesmaid at the time, and, yeah. Love blossoms. Nothing happened obviously that night but I had a hair spell on and spied him at the bakery, went down, said g'day, went out for drinks and today's our 26th wedding anniversary.

Oh, that's lovely. Have a good day. That's really good. Two years later, 26 years later. Shout out to the ex-partners who were cheated on though but that's lovely. That's really good. 26 years later. Shout out to the ex-partners who were cheated on, though, but that's beautiful. And luckily I say the same all the time. Oh, Pam, that's lovely.

Cheers, guys. When you know the one, you know the one. Yeah, you do know the one. When you've got to get your claws in, you've got to get your claws in. Hook those claws in, Pammy. You know it. Yeah, good on, Pammy. You know it. Good on you, mate.

You have a great one. We've got Bianca on 800 The Hits. Welcome. Hello. How's it going? It's going well. It's going well. How did you meet your partner?

So quite a few years ago, young and done maybe, my partner had his car for sale and he had offers written on the back window with his phone number on there. So I sent him a cheeky text saying, oh, will you come with the car? Oh, okay, classic. And that's where it all started from, really, which is, yeah, 15 or 16 years later, married a couple of kids and a house. Now tell me, what happened to the car?

Did he sell the car to you as well? Well, no, but I did happen to drive it quite often, and so then I would obviously be driving around with his number on the back of the window and the amount of guys that text him saying, Do you come with the car? Hey, do you come with the car? You're like, hey, I'll use that line. It works.

It's not going to work on me, all right? Very funny. And a lot of bold people who are saying, do you come with the car? This was pre-Tinder and all of those apps. So, yeah, obviously that was the way to meet people back in the day Do you come with the car? That's wonderful That's wonderful

I'm glad you're still together And all's well that ended well Yep, that's it A load of text coming through on 4487 We're going to keep this going, Ben Boyce Okay You know what they say When a topic's running hot, you keep doing stuff

That's exactly what they say With all those stumbles in their teeth yeah how'd you meet your partner um i met him way back in the day at um park in the bar on the dance floor yeah and um yeah just dancing away you know as you do yes and having a good time and um you know we're having a few drinks and normally i think you know that's the guy that's supposed to buy you a drink and you know but with him he was grabbing my drink and drinking it i was the audacity the audacity so did you go off for him clear i did we went home that night i'm yeah yeah right you're like i'm so angry'm going to have to take you home. Teach you a lesson.

Are we still together? Is he still drinking your drink? No, he's gone now. He learned his lesson. Good on you, Claire. Appreciate that. We'll get Amber on. Welcome, Amber. How are you? Good, thanks. How are you? Yeah, we're doing really well, mate. How did you meet your partner? I met him through a friend who was dating him.

This is forbidden. Well, at the start, yes, it was. But she was also kind of seeing a few other people at the same time, and I guess she decided she didn't want him anymore. Jesus, it's like an episode of Shortland Street here. Isn't it? A really interesting situation because she had left him on a night out to go home with another man. And he decided that he wanted to come and hang out with me.

And he never left. And what, did you marry him? No, we've been together for four years now. I'm hoping maybe he'll marry me. Oh, I reckon now's the time. Let's call him. No, please don't. Let's call him. Now, on New Zealand's ninth highest rating

radio show. Let's do it. And your friends all chill with it? Yes, she's good about it. She was at first not so much. She was a little bit sour but, you know, we've all moved on. She's got herself a husband and stuff now. Yeah, we've all moved on. She's got herself a husband and stuff now. Yeah, we've all moved on. Jeez, there's a

bloody convoluted drama you had going on there, Amber. Well, it was, especially because we worked together. It made it a little bit harder at the start, but it all worked out for the best, I guess. Well, good on you, mate, and it did work out for the best because you phoned up the hits and told your story. Oh, no, it was all worthwhile. All leading to this point here. Hey, good on you, mate. And it did work out for the best because you phoned up the hits and told your story.

It was all worthwhile. All leading to this point here. Good on you, mate. Have a good one. Thank you. Thanks for all your calls and texts. The Hits, the Jono and Ben podcast.

So, Jerry Seinfeld, coming back to New Zealand. Very, very exciting. Excited about that. Just been announced coming to Auckland and Christchurch June next year.

The tickets go on sale next week. All the details are the hits.co.nz. As you said before, I was lucky enough to see him last time he was there. It was a real bucket list thing of me wanting to see him perform.

And he's incredible. And one of the things I do like about Jerry Seinfeld is he's not only hilarious, but he will tell jokes. He's not afraid to tell jokes that you've kind of heard before. He's like,

these are great jokes. I know they're great jokes. You like these jokes. I hear them before. It's a lot like Seeing your favourite song In concert You're like

I like this one Where other comedians Won't do another joke A joke again For the second time Does he front foot it And say You've probably heard these before

No I think in interviews though He's like I've got These are my best jokes And sometimes I'll do these jokes again And I'm okay with that Because you know

I know that These are great jokes Which is pretty cool well you do tell jokes multiple times over we've got a show joke a show joke and how many times

has this saved our bacon Ben because we wanted a show joke because the amount of times that people have come up to you and gone hey tell us a joke you never got anything no

I had a shabby Fleetwood Mac one which kind of pulled us through some tough times yeah but not everyone could get the references no very dated references and I'll have to say it now

is, did you know Ben, that William Shatner, who's now bloody what, 95? William Shatner, the guy from Star Trek? William Shatner and Stevie Nicks, who was the singer in Fleetwood Mac, back in the day they secretly got married. And for a while

there she was known as Stevie Shetland and that's so that was the joke Taylor don't cringe at that mate do you even know those people every time we go to start with that I was like oh god so that was not a show joke that was something that we would say so through the help of you we needed

a show joke to say and we got one that came through right yeah which is also it confuses me too how to lead into it a lot of the time it's like oh yeah why do the norwegian uh war vessels have barcodes on them why so you can scandinavian scandinavian that's good are you confused by that one as well taylor make this comedy okay uh yeah, Jerry Seinfeld, actually his first joke, I was just watching this before. This was his very, very first joke.

He was shocked with the fact that this got a laugh. This kind of got him into comedy when he wrote this at a young age. The bit was, I'm left-handed and I don't understand why everything that's associated with the word left seems to be a negative thing. Two left feet, left-handed compliment, you go to a party, there's nobody there, where'd everybody go? They left. And this got a huge laugh.

And I was so shocked. I was just shocked. Yeah. He's like, that's when it got started for me. So what we want to do this morning, this is bloody high-risk stuff. Make us laugh. It's a terrifying statement, isn't it? Yeah. Make me laugh.

But if you do, you're going to win the double pass to see Seinfeld next year. Well, yeah, we'll decide our favorite one. Because probably, to be honest, I work in radio. I laugh after everything, even if it's not funny. It's the basis of any good radio breakfast show. So we'll decide on our favourite bit next. You can be like Seinfeld. Make us laugh next.

It could be a joke. It could be a story. Something that's happened to you. The one story that you'll tell at a dinner party. What will you do for those Seinfeld tickets? The Hits, the Jono and Ben podcast. That will sell out in minutes. Now, we've chucked out a very impossible task

at what's the time? 7.17 on a Thursday morning. Make us laugh for the tickets. A double pass to Seinfeld. Great prize. This is a lot of unnecessary pressure we're putting on your average hits list this morning. But they're stepping up to the mark. There's callers here Ben. Now I know you don't like hurting feelings.

You like everyone to walk away. We've only got a double pass. I know. Now, I've figured out a way that you might be comfortable with how we adjudicate this competition. Off. We do it off air. No, we don't do it off. What do you all say?

We'll do it off air and then we'll just give them all tickets off air. That's what he does sometimes. I know, but we don't have tickets. Why don't we put it in the hands of producer Joel? Now, Joel, you don't have to talk. Well, you can talk now if you want, but all you have to do is you can give your honest reaction with a sound effect.

Perfect. So Joel's making the decision. I love it. It's not on us. Brand Ben keeps clean, approachable, friendly. Yeah, this is great. Joel is controlling this competition with the sound effect buttons. Troll Harrison, we call him, because he loves trolling people.

So that's good. We're going to kick things off with Alicia. Welcome to New Zealand's Breakfast. How are you? Morning, now. How are you doing? Oh, morning. Lovely to have you on.

Okay. Make us laugh. All right. I'll give it a go. So I took my husband. We went to a gathering in the evening. Just a few friends and stuff. And I heard his bro saying, hey, what did you get up to today, bro?

And he goes, I went to the doctor. And I go, what did they say? What did the doctor say? And he says, oh, he said I could play with myself, hey, what did you get up to today, bro? And he goes, I went to the doctor. And I go, oh, what did they say? What did the doctor say? And he says, oh, he said I could play with myself, touch myself whenever I wanted. And I mean, no, he didn't. He said you could have a stroke at any time. I don't know if that's a true story or just that you led us into a joke. Either way, I don't want to know.

It's good, isn't it? Good pace, too. It was good pace too it was good great delivery pop a leash on hold it was pretty good producer Joel we're going to go to Nick welcome Nick make us laugh

what's blue and not very heavy what's blue and not very heavy I get so nervous when the punchline discovered what is it what's blue and not very heavy? Light blue. That was good. Light blue.

All right. The sound effects have spoken. The producer, Joe. Okay, he's out of the competition. All right, let's move on. I'm sorry, Nick. We'll go to Taranaki. Morning.

How are you, Brett? Yeah, not too bad. Great to be on. Make us laugh. One bright day in the middle of the night, two dead boys got up for a fight. Back to back, they faced each other, threw their swords and shot each other.

A dead policeman heard the noise and came and shot the two dead boys. If you don't believe this lie is true, ask the blind man he saw it too. Producer Joe, you're a savage. He's through it too Producer Joe You're a savage He's a savage I thought That was

Okay Okay Brent Hey thank you I thought it was clever That was clever too Again great delivery Now this is going to make you Extra nervous Ben Boyce

It's our dear friend Jack from Otorohonga Oh Jack Hey Welcome Jack Having Jack on How are you, Jack? Am I on air?

Yeah, you are. This is going to go one of two ways. We always know which way it's going to go, boys, and I've got a definite meh, meh, meh for you. I am actually one of the funniest guys. I'm actually the funniest guy I know. And, you know, just sit down and have a couple of drinks with me. You'll be laughing all the way home once you leave.

But I can't think of anything funny to say when, like, on demand. It's still like a natural thing. But if I actually know what I'm doing, I can't actually do anything along the lines of what I should be doing. So what I'm doing is begging for Seinfeld tickets because he's my ultimate hero. I spend my days on YouTube watching reruns of Seinfeld. Oh! Jack!

Originally abolished. Look, he's poured his heart out to you. You poured his heart out. And Alicia. Alicia, you're... There was not much competition, if I'm honest. Alicia. Sorry, not to be mean or anything, but, you're... I'm not much competition, if I'm honest. Alicia! Sorry, not to be mean or anything, but, you know.

Yeah, you've definitely been mean, but hey. Savage world of comedy. You've embraced it. I love it. It's not a roast. Yeah. Well done. You're off to Seinfeld.

Awesome. I'm really excited about that. That's super cool. Well done. I'm going to go give him some tips. Okay, cool. Go give him some tips. Good on you Alicia

wasn't that good wasn't that good yeah the hits the Jono and Ben podcast it's that morning social media is everywhere and you know

as parents I guess you know you are a little worried about what you know if your kids have got phones like might have security reasons

and stuff when they're out and about you know what sort of stuff they're watching on TikTok because I know what sort of stuff they're watching on TikTok. Because I know what sort of stuff you watch, so I would be concerned.

Or just whatever they're getting up to on their phones. It has kept me a bit of a worry, and I was quite impressed. My daughter, Sienna, the other day was like, hey, I've deleted TikTok off my phone. She didn't really post much, but she just would find herself watching it from time to time. Oh, it does suck you in. Plus, she didn't want the commie government,

the communists following her. I think maybe that was a big part of it. I'm not sure. We didn't delve too deep into her reasons behind it. I was just like, good on you for doing that. You've taken this off your own bat and you're doing that. And so I went to her last night. I thought I'd check in with the recorder, of course, because that's what I do.

She's like, this is what I tried to get away from with the Chinese government. Here's what she was up to. This is Sienna. Deleted TikTok from with the Chinese government. Here's what she was up to. It's a Sienna. Deleted TikTok. Woo. Just temporary. Don't worry. No, this is good. It's just like a refresh, you know?

Yeah, it's good. And I can tell you all the trends. I can even do the dancing for the trends if you want. It's okay. But I have been on Instagram reels a lot more. And it's just like when you delete an app on Instagram reels a lot more. It's just like when you delete an app, you go on other apps more. But that's the point.

You were meant to be having a detox moment. Now what? You're on. But then I'd go on it and I'm like, I don't have TikTok, so I just go on Instagram. So you're basically using Instagram and YouTube now more. It's a replacement, yeah, until I get it back. So really, yeah, it wasn't quite working out how I thought. Yeah, a little bit of a replacement, yeah. Until I get it back. So really, yeah. Wasn't quite working out how I thought.

Yeah, a little bit of a false economy there. It's like when I go to the doctor and they're like, how many beers do you drink today? You're only lying to yourself. It's so distracting though, isn't it, social media? You do find yourself, no matter what age it is, you can get easily caught up. just you know you

actually have to physically shake your head and go what am i doing i don't pull myself out of this hypnotic trance of watching hot people living with you know muscly guys do dances on tiktok it's yeah you could sometimes i'll go into a bedroom like okay i'm going to the bedroom i'm gonna go fold the washing that's in there whatever it is and then you'll be like 10 minutes later you're like what was that in here i looked at my phone and then why am i watching has baller pat a kitten yeah i know i was talking to a teacher and she was saying she has grave concerns for the future of humanity yeah she's like the uh well there's obviously the climate but she's like the concentration span of this generation that's coming through

it's almost non-existent yeah she's like i have to do things in short little bursts or else i'll lose them i noticed that you know like with all you know things like tiktok and other things that you know a lot of the kids are into how quickly you can go no no it's the first couple of seconds it's like you remember the tv show that we used to have and you'd be like today we're here we're doing this thing people don't care you know if even if there was a really funny thing up later it's like it doesn't you know you know it doesn't matter if there's not a guy getting a frying pan in the face in the first second and a half they've lost me the hits the jonathan ben podcast i we were talking about waiting the other day when you're waiting behind someone who is let's say you're at a fast food

restaurant you are in a line and then the person in front of you gets to the front of the line, and they haven't figured out what they want to order. And you've all been there for five to ten minutes. Frustrating, yeah. Well, as humans, we just don't like being stuck behind other humans, do we? Yeah. It frustrates you for some reason. It feels like you're not getting to where you need to go.

Yeah, we'd be on like a little escalator. Yeah, some people get really annoyed with that, eh? We had an agonising one at the car park the other morning with this sweet, sweet elderly gentleman

was pulling in. He was literally, this isn't any exaggeration, Joel, you saw him, probably 5km an hour, wasn't he? And there was like a line of 15 cars behind him.

And it's too early in the morning to road rage because it was before work. Yeah. But anyway, he was just finding his way around the car. It is frustrating again when someone's just stopped. It almost stopped. Just crawling. You're like, what are you doing?

You're not indicating it. Are you going? Should I go around you? Should I not? And then you've got to go around them. They take off. And you're like, oh. I had a long four minutes yesterday.

So I was at the bakery. And there was a guy in front of me. and he had purchased a loaf of fruit bread. Oh, yeah. You know, fruit bread's nice, isn't it? It's nice, yeah. A little bit of jam and butter on it. It's good. When it's in the toaster, it smells gorgeous.

It's like hot cross buns all year round. Yeah. So he picks up his loaf of bread. Here's your fruit bread, and he hasn't paid for it yet. And he pulls out a single piece of fruit bread, and he's examining the fruit bread and he's asking the lovely lady behind the counter who's very helpful he's like what's in this oh so he did requested it and then he wanted to know you know what fruits of the forest graced his fruit

bread i don't know mate just take your fruit this is pretty much what i'm thinking and then the lady obviously customer service and he i know that I know that there's some dietary requirements for some people. And customers, they're well within their rights to know what ingredients are in the fruit bread. But if you're having to investigate single pieces of bread, like maybe you need to launch a royal commission or something. And so he's like, name it. He's like, apricots, question mark? And she's like, I don't know.

Because who knows what fruit bread is. There's just a couple of raisins Because who knows What fruit is in fruit bread There's just a couple Of raisins in there And we call it fruit bread Pretty much You'll like it That's fine

He's like bananas And she's like I don't know And so it got to the point Where this Full length investigation Into the fruit bread And it's contents

I chimed in I was like Listen mate I think there's sultanas There's some raisins And some weird Little orange bits That no one knows What they are He's like What are those I was like listen mate I think they're sultanas There's some raisins And some weird little orange bits That no one knows what they are

He's like what are those I was like I don't know And so then he didn't buy the fruit bread But he did What did he handle the piece though He handled a piece A single piece of thing I was like mate

Just give me some bacon baps Then I held them up I was like now what's What's in this What are you Look at this bacon bap of yours