Jono, Ben & Megan - The Podcast - Show Highlights: We Are Feeling Old!

Episode Date: May 10, 2023

What makes you feel old?? Jono's hilarious Wu Tang concert story Ben's daughters are winners! See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

The Hits, with the Jono and Ben podcast. Cheers to Dilma, making the world a better tea. I was just telling the guys before the show that I went to a concert the other night, Wu-Tang Clan. Just kind of the soundtrack of a lot of my youth, you know, and you go along to a show like this, and then they're like, this album's 30 years old, and you're like, jeez, have they been around that long? That long, yeah. Wow. Just 1994, sort of that era.

But yeah. What I like about the Wu-Tang Clan is the fact, kind of like the All Blacks every year, or the Warriors, it seems like a new squad every year. There's players, you know, always bringing in new members. It's a big team. Huge team. And the good thing is, if one of the teams is not available, you know, you've got 32 other members who can come on stage and deliver a convincing concert.

Yeah. Yeah, no, but it was very good. And it was good to see because you go along to those gigs and you're like, oh, is it going to be sad? You know, but it wasn't sad. They're all looking great. Oh, good. Don't you worry about them. They're aging beautifully.

What a new place, a new squad. What I love about going to a concert of that ilk, of that manner, I mean, we're giving away Michael Bublé tickets in a second, you won't get this at Bublé, is no one's too fussed about where they're sitting. Oh, good. So you turn up, but you've got allocated seating. And so we turn up to the allocated seating.

Of course you do. Of course you have allocated seating. Of course, I'm an old man. Of course you do. And I'm like, there's someone sitting in the course you have allocated of course i'm an old man of course you do and i'm like there's someone sitting in l36 i'm like oh sorry i think this might be my where are you meant to be so i don't know bruh i said what should we ever look at your ticket and he's like oh i'm in k i was like well you're in l now he's like where's k i was like maybe back up there and then the guy behind he wasn't in the right seat either. No one cared. No one cared.

Except for you. And nothing makes you seem more pedantic than going, excuse me, I'm in out there. You're well within your rights too. I know. But sometimes it's the Kiwi way. I do the same thing where you turn up and you're like, oh, I was there, but there's seats over there. I'll just sit there.

I won't make a fuss. And then someone else will come and go, I think you're in my seat. You're like, oh, yeah, but the person over there, you know, it's such a is such a kiwi way and then we were both going oh it's probably my fault no no it's probably my fault so everyone tries to you know i know it's his fault you shouldn't be sitting in there uh but anyway the one of the best things i noticed was after the show we were just waiting to get a ride home in an uber and there's this guy that bowls out of the concert and he's, jeez I'd say 60s mid 60s, looked like a polo

shirt, tucked into some chinos, some boat shoes, looked like a dad who was there trying to find his daughter he comes in and he's like, yelling at the security guard, mate, best concert of my life loving it, wow that's awesome, and the security guard's like, oh okay you don't look like a traditional fan of the Wu-Tang Clan.

He's like, I'm not. I came to Auckland for Don McLean. Well, American Pie, Don McLean. Playing the same night he was at the town hall. How'd he end up there? Well, he thought the gig was at Spark Arena. And then he said he looked around and he's like, these people look like fun. So then he just bought a ticket and went into the Wu-Tang Clan.

Good on him. Good on him. And he was bowling at, his night was just starting. He's like, where do I go now? Just on his own, just on a solo rampage. So he said bye-bye to Don McLean. Hello to the Wu-Tang Clan. That's very cool. The Hits, the Jono and Ben podcast.

Recently I've been trying to, you know, as a parent, you do feel a huge sense of responsibility to help your children, you know, to be the best they can. It's always a good thing. It feels like it's on me.

I wish someone else would do it. I wish Nadia Lim would do it, mate. It's a niggly part of parenting when you have to raise the kids. I'll be talking a lot about my hero, Dwayne The Rock Johnson, you know, because he likes to say always be the hardest worker in the room and,

you know, about working hard. And that's why, you know, often I'm by myself in rooms, just so I can say I'm always the hardest worker in the room. That's a great thing about working by yourself, isn't it? Yeah. By default. So I'll be trying to talk to my girls, you know, who do work hard, but a lot about hard work and, you know, in all seriousness, the two of us, we do like to work hard on this radio show or any projects we're doing.

Out of interest, if both of us are in a room, who's the hardest worker in the room? Who do you believe is the hardest worker in the room? Two of us are locked in a room working away. What are you doing at that time? Are you sending me Instagram videos or are you working on stuff? I feel like people are always disappointed when we say we work out on stuff though, because people are like, oh, really? You do?

Oh, you know. So maybe we don't give that across. But my daughter, Indy, and both my daughters. Clearly I don't because you didn't say I was the hardest working best person in the room. I'm trying to be me, according to Dwayne the Rock Johnson. But yeah, we're talking to my daughters about hard work. And my daughter, Indyy on the weekend it was just the two of us hanging out she's like I want to do some netball training I want to go down and

do some training I want to do some fitness and I want to run a couple of things that I've been you know want to get better at I'm like that's really cool I'll go down to the I'll order you an uber and you can get down to the courts I'll go down with you we'll do like it for 45 minutes an hour we're doing some stuff we're running some shuttles we're doing some fitness we're running through all these things as well. And on the last time we ran some shuttles, I was like, on the last one, I'm like, this is the last one. I'm like, give it everything you got, that sprint.

So I sprinted and got to the end. I'm knackered. I'm knackered. I'm like, great session, good work. And we walked off, and we walked off the courts. And then Indy turned to me, just, we're about five meters off the courts. And she went, I want to do that again. And I was like, what?

She was the last one. She said, I didn't sprint as hard as I could. I could sprint harder. And at that time, I was a mix of emotions. One, I was very proud that she was wanting to do that again off her own bat. The other party was going, God, bloody Dwayne the Rock Johnson. Don't your heroes always let you down? Exactly.

The other party was, I'm very exhausted. I've just given it everything I've got. Now we've got to go back and do that again. Oh, jeez. But I had to do the Dwayne Johnson mantra and go back out there and do it again. But every part of me wanted to get in the car and go home. So when are you hitting the course with the silver ferns, mate? I'm not getting there.

But it is a nice thing when you can pass those things on and try and get that into them. But at the same time, when you're part of it, the hard work ends up on you as well. I didn't mean for me to do it. I'm always finding that a lot of the advice I'm trying to hand down is sort of being received like in a shut-up old man, kind of shut-up-your-rambling-old-man kind of way. You know, when a lot of the times you hear stuff your parents say,

you're like, ugh. So I'm glad that one Hit through for you Yeah but maybe a little too much We seem to be talking a lot About the weather And it happens every winter Going into it Not only has there been

Sort of wild rain Over the last few days Around most of the country But lightning and hail Last night The Sky Tower in Auckland Got hit by lightning And I reckon there was hail As big as M&M's, which I was like, oh.

No, that's nothing to compete with. It's not that, you know, M&M's is quite. It's just normal size hail. Yeah. I thought you were about to say hail the size of your bowling ball or something. I saw it last night. The cat, jeez, poor cat was very freaked out with the roof. Just trying to get away from the noise.

I was like, mate, it's everywhere. It's all over the roof. It's very, very, very noisy. Oscar, my son's like, can I go outside? I was like, why do you want to go over the roof it's very very noisy Oscar my son's like can I go outside I was like why do you want to go outside it's a kid's mic

it's the same yeah bullets like coming down from the sky I just want to go can I eat it can I go out and do this thing

bullets the size of M&M's shooting down very excited by it do you know their photo from the Sky Tower if you go online why don't we put it on the

it's breakfast social media yeah we'll be checking up on the story right now the lightning we spoke to a guy this is from many years ago who used to work on top of the sky tower and what they have on the very very top is this giant ball which obviously conducts the lot of something you know catches the lightning so the whole the whole building doesn't shut down due to electrical faults yeah Yeah. And he says, like, about 80 kgs, this giant ball. And his job was to climb up this tiny, tiny, tiny ladder at the very top pin of the sky.

Jeez, that would be terrifying, wouldn't it? Terrifying. And he's just holding this ball. Like a medicine, giant medicine ball. Yeah, the ultimate CrossFit workout. 500 metres in the air or whatever it is. And so then he had to attach the ball to the top. But when he was up there, he slipped

and lost his footing. He's dangling by his harness. He's just dangling, hanging down, looking at the ground, holding on to this big ball and... Like Tom Cruise in some sort of Mission Impossible movie. Except without the Scientology. Who knows? We don't know if he was practicing it or not. You can Impossible movie. Except without the Scientology. Who knows?

We don't know if he was practicing it or not. You can't tell. That's the joy of Scientology. Was he interested in a relationship with Shakira? Because that's big news today, apparently. Tom Cruise. Not this guy from the Sky Tower. But he was dangling up there, he said, for about two, two and a half minutes,

holding this 80 kg ball until his colleagues could climb up and help him. Oh my goodness. Wild story, man. Wild story. I don't know if they probably wanted that on here or not. Well, you've done it now. You've said it, mate. That's what you do, mate. You just say things and you put it out there.

And you know the thing is... And we damn the consequences. The thing is, I've probably got half the details wrong. Yeah, that's true. The ball was probably, you know, sufficiently strapped to him somehow. Yeah, yeah, true. I don't think they'd send someone out there

just holding it without the use of their hands up there. But anyway, I enjoyed the story. I went along for the ride. It was great. The Hits, the Jono and Ben podcast. The New Zealand International Comedy Festival is on right now. We've got a special guest in the studio.

I'm going to call him Adorable. He's the adorable Tom Sainsbury. Welcome. Gosh, I've never been called that. I like Adorable. He is adorable. You're adorable. Oh my gosh, guys, I'm blushing. How are you, mate? Beneath my rosacea. the adorable Tom Sainsbury welcome gosh I've never been called that I like adorable he is adorable you're really sweet yeah

oh my gosh guys I'm blushing how are you mate beneath my rosacea I'm good we I tell you what our relationship with you

has never been better we've had you oh yeah we need to start paying you a cast member fee for this show a retainer yeah

$20 $20 we could probably manage $20 per year to exclusively be interviewed by you guys. So your comedy festival show? Gone Bananas. Gone Bananas.

So it's just called Gone Bananas. So as you, I'm sure you're well aware, you have to kind of come up with a pitch for your show before you've even written it and also come up with a photo. And so I had this whole photo idea and stuff, but when we were having the photos, there was this bunch of bananas in a fruit bowl beside the table. And as a gag, I put it on as a hat.

And then the photographer started taking pictures. And we're like, this is the only good photo out of 455 photos. And so that's the show. So you've got the name first, and then you build the show. The image came first, and then the name. And now I have to put in some banana cakes. Oh well we are putting the toaster interviews on

for the comedy festival so we're putting toasts and bogles in the toaster. When the toast pops back up the interview's over so we'll pop it down. I love that a comedy show has started just from a photograph working backwards from there which is the backbone to any good, yes, any genius. Well that's the first question.

Describe your comedy act. People are going to say, so it's- Have you worked that out yet? Yes, I'm just kind of, I know I'm a week away and it's all kind of coming together, but it's lots of kind of, I'm a storyteller rather than a gag or observation. So it's just my experiences. Like the time I met Katy Perry, there's like a gag in that. Like driving a Tesla around Los Angeles. I mean, that all ends badly with me being a hot mess.

Katy Perry. That's pretty awesome. I met her not on the street or in a random place. I met her in a situation where you pay to go and see her before her concert. Oh, like a meet and greet sort of situation. A meet and greet. You have to formally and orderly line up, don't you? You do.

But her staff member is a Kiwi and he kind of organised us to go there and so we were at the end of the line and I sweated all over her Her concert was amazing, if anyone ever gets a chance to go, if anyone happens to be in Las Vegas go and see her concert. When you meet famous

people you do get in your head don't you? Oh boy. And you've only got a short little bit of window you know I always have the dream with famous people that I'll meet them and they'll go

oh he's awesome I want to can we be mates you know but that's always the thing it's my dream and I'm like why would I think that

I go one step further and I'm like I'm in the concert and a huge crowd of people I want them to spot me and go get him backstage I want to be friends with that person that's what I want I to spot me and go, get him backstage. I want to be friends with that person.

That's what I want. I don't know why. That's what I expect. That's what I expect. That's not going to get you to the end of the interview. There we go. We're popped up. I got you right at the end of the interview as well.

Good, because I had nothing else to say. Tom Sainsbury, gone bananas. Go see Tom Sainsbury. The adorable Tom Sainsbury. The adorable. The Hits, the Jono and Ben podcast. I went and checked out the Guardians of the Galaxy, the new movie, with

my daughters the other night. It was really, really good. Volume 3. Chris Pratt? Yeah, Chris Pratt. All your favourite characters back again. And one thing, because if you've seen any of the Guardians of the Galaxy movies, there's quite a old school playlist. It was one of the cool things about it. Songs from a few

years ago. And he plays it on a Walkman. Like he goes around playing his songs off a Walkman. And I had to explain. I found myself feeling very, very old as I had to explain to the kids afterwards that this is a Walkman. That was the thing we used to carry around. You wouldn't be able to get multiple songs.

It was just one cassette at one time in this Walkman. And you'd have to, you know, you wouldn't be able to get away with it nowadays. Walkman, Walkwoman, Walk, Walk, non-binary. You just have to come all back. True. And then you get it a bit later. Sexist. You know, you'd have a CD one. Remember the CD ones? CD Walkmans. Yeah, the CD disc

player that you're portable and then you'd go take that for a run and it'd be skipping all over the place. So years of the woman weren't allowed to walk back then, were they? You do feel very old and it happens very quickly, particularly when you've got kids, when you explain something from a while back and then they're like, oh my goodness, that's so lame. But it's just life.

It happens and we like to mock younger generations. Oh, what do you mean you don't know what a fax machine is? Because they invented email and messaging and things far more convenient. And we kind of look down on our noses going, you don't even know what a fax machine is. But in reality, things have become far more convenient for us. Far better. I mean, look at a phone.

You know, when you used to wind it round and you'd dial like that. I mean, it's so much easier now. You can send your pictures of whatever to whoever. It's like if I asked you, Ben, about stuff from my generation growing up. Silent movies, Morse code, electric shock therapy. The good old days. You'd shock the weirdness out of people. You know, something that made me feel old the other day was a bucket hat.

Now, for many, many years, I thought I could pull off a bucket hat. I was like, hey, I'm cool in a bucket hat. And then suddenly putting one on the other day, I was like, oh, dear God, no. I had stopped myself from wearing it out of the house. Hold on here. I distinctly remember me, Jono Prior, five, six years ago, before the resurgence of the bucket hat, when the bucket hats weren't cool. Is this the denim one?

Yeah, I came to work in a black denim bucket hat, and he accused me of looking like a party pill dealer, an old party pill dealer from Rhythm and Vibes. You look like you're going up to all the young kids. Hey, kids, you want a good time? With your bum bag and your denim. And now you're trying to mock that out of you. And now I've mocked a bucket hat out of myself.

It's funny. All of a sudden you're like, oh, I can't wear this anymore. Yeah. Listen, what we're going to do right now, 0800THEHITS, if you're under the age of 20, you call us up 0800THEHITS. We're going to name a piece of dated technology like a typewriter or an overhead projector. And you have to tell us, you have to describe what this item does.

If you do it correctly, we'll send you along to Guardians of the Galaxy. Yeah. That's the simple game. An overhead projector sounds like some sort of vomiting technique they're using at the Otago Uni nowadays. But it's not that. It's not that? All right, under the hits, 4487.

If you're under 20, give us a call next. And if you can get these items right, you'll make us feel very old. If you're under the age of 20, 0800 the hits. We're going to name a piece of technology. If you can describe what it is, you're going to win tickets to Guardians of the Galaxy. We're going to kick things off with Nick, 18-year from auckland how are you nico i'm not bad mate how are you doing nico you're sicko don't try to sound like you're part of the gang how's the riz bro oh god he's laboring do you know what nick i uh am starting to get a lot of joy out of just

going home to my son Oscar and walking into the room and going, look who's got the riz. And it sends him into convulsions of cringe. He has to remove himself from the situation. I'm not surprised. I did it in front of Sienna, your daughter, the other day. She was like, oh, my goodness. She's got her head in her hands.

All right. Floppy disk. Floppy disk. Do you have any idea what a floppy disk is? Oh, yeah. It's a little bit of, oh, you chuck it in a PC. You have a floppy disk drive. It's similar to a hard drive, except you actually have a physical disk.

Yeah. That'll do. Well done. Tangle-shaped disk. Yeah, that'll do. Guardians of the Galaxy Volume 3. You go along to that. We'll send you along there.

Double pass. Epic. I've got some little blue pills prescribed for my floppy disk. Oh, mate, mate, I'll see you there. I'll see you at R&B. I don't know if I want to be at R&B after taking some blue pills. See you, mate. Let's get Mitch on.

Welcome from 20-year-old Mitch. How are you in Wellington? Yeah, good, mate. Yourself? Yeah, we're doing well, Mitch. Okay, you in Wellington? Yeah, good, mate. Yourself? Yeah, we're doing well, Mitch. Okay, we're going to name a piece of data technology. I don't know what the point is we're trying to prove here. Like, oh, sucked in.

Sucked in. You don't know tech that wasn't as good as the stuff you have nowadays. But what is it, Ben? Ah, bunny ears. What would you use bunny ears for? 20-year-old Mitch. Bunny ears. Oh, bunny ears. You would generally find them in a lounge? Yes ears you would generally

find them in a lounge yes you would find them in a lounge nothing to do with it see your antennae on your TV yeah as I plug them in as a little aerial you'll be holding them around the lounge trying to get reception

so well done you're going to Guardians of the Galaxy Volume 3 good on you Mitch we'll take one more, shall we? Oh, yeah, if you want. 10-year-old Zara. Welcome. If you nail this competition, I'll be very surprised. OK.

Oh, yeah, OK. This one we're going to go a Rolodex. Now, even Producer Joel, who's 23 years old, in the studio, I was like, what's a Rolodex, as we said it out loud? Game-changing piece of technology. Particularly in the office environment. Any idea what you would keep in a

Rolodex? Isn't there like a name tag where you keep people's phone numbers in it? Yes! Business cards and phone numbers and all sorts. You could roll all your favourite business cards that you'd keep in a Rolodex and phone numbers and all sorts. You could roll all your favourite business cards that you'd keep in a Rolodex and phone numbers.

Yeah, well done. It was like you're contactless. Yeah, you're contactless. I could hear a mature voice maybe helping out in the background. Hey, it's all good. They're going to Guardians of the Galaxy. Dad might be helping in the background. Can you remember the Rolodex, Dad?

I do. I'm old as well. Yeah, great bit of tea. We're just going to, let's reminisce with you. What's your name? Craig. What about the pages, Craig? Yes, I remember those.

I never had one. You never had a page, have you? A lot of drug dealers had pages, didn't they? That's why John had one. I wouldn't know anything about that. Teletext? Do you remember teletext? Yes.

And it was kind of like, almost internet-y on your television. It would give you news updates and things. Stocks as well. You can see how bright it was doing in the stocks. I even remember black and white TV. Oh, wow. Oh, jeez. Now you're talking my talk, mate.

Now we're going back to the horse and cart days. Enjoy the Guardians of the Galaxy.