Jono, Ben & Megan - The Podcast - Show Highlights: We're Back Baby and Megan's Already Been Stitched Up....

Episode Date: January 21, 2024

Ben's on grinder... Megan's been stitched up... JACK BLACK! See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

The Hits with the Jono and Ben podcast. Cheers to Dilma, making the world a better tea. Jono and Ben back with you for 2024. Welcome back Jono. Lovely to see your wonderful faces again. I've missed you all, like people we get paid to hang out with in the morning. Now you are welcome back to work again. Fresh start for the year, new year, new me.

With the same old mail that you normally get here at work. Again, it feels like I copy and paste this conversation every fortnight. Never get any fan mail here, not even promotional goods. No promotional goods sent here. The only mail I get are parking tickets, fan mail from the council. Yeah, you got more parking tickets this morning. Listen, I don't want to start the year on a bad note. I don't know what I've done to these people.

Just not pay parking. That's what you've done. That's all you've done, is not pay for parking. Got a vendetta against me. Copy-paste. The same conversation we have every time we get parking tickets. Keep trying to talk to Brown. He's too busy playing tennis.

Can't even sort these issues out. How has your summer been? Yeah, it was not too bad. Yeah, went up north to Russell for where my mum is. Interesting Christmas, because my parents divorced for many years, but they all decided to have Christmas in the same place for the first time. Oh, wow. And to be fair, Christmas was fine.

It was good. It was the next day, the situations where you'd go to the beach or whatever and you'd have just by chance one parent would be sitting in one location and the other one would be like sitting 30 meters away. And then you felt like, you know that scene in Mrs. Doubtfire at the end when Robin Williams is trying to have the dinner with two people and he's getting in a costume and it's getting wrong. It was kind of like one of those situations where I was sort of popping,

hey, how's it going? Yeah, good. Okay, we're going to go. It's kind of like one of those situations at the beach. Where is Kevin? Did Kevin Boyce say, oh, listen, we'll come and... No, my sister's like, hey, everyone's welcome, which is great. And everyone did. And Christmas was great. Everyone was good. But, yeah, but it was like those awkward moments the next day.

You're like, how's this work? Do I sit in the middle here? Do I come over and I just work my time half between the parents or what? Well, Megan Parfitt's joining us for 2024. Your parents are nudists. Yeah. So, Ben, you thought you had an awkward Christmas. Yeah.

Well, no, I didn't see my parents this Christmas, but it's not as if they just walk around carving the ham naked. Oh, so Christmas Day isn't fully naked. No, but we don't have a sit-down dinner where they're naked. Oh, right. When do you get naked? They go to special places, don't they, for that, right? Yeah, yeah.

You're not going to come over for Christmas dinner and just, you know, see Dad's bits and pieces. Sorry, Jono. That's not how I imagined your nude appearance. The Hits, the Jono and Ben podcast. Now, we went along to the ASP Classic, which, of course, we gave away a lot of tickets thanks to you doing the 40 hits in a row. I felt like I did all the heavy lifting,

and you got to enjoy the tennis with Producer Taylor. Yeah, Producer Taylor and your husband, Marcelo. You know, on tour he plays for the Warriors, and my wife, who's a teacher. What does she play for, mate? Your wonderful wife. Yeah, we don't know why I give everyone's jobs But it is quite important for the end of the story

Because we went along The four of us went along to the tennis Just to clarify the employment situation of all four people You've got an NRL player You've got a radio producer A teacher It's a really cool event if you get to go along It's really well done

It's an amazing set up But going along to a tennis game is different from other sports. You go along to a lot of league games, obviously, because as I just said, your partner plays NRL. And you can yell your whole time at a league game, but you can't talk. There's a lot of times you've got to be quiet when you're watching the tennis. And that was eye-opening. Like, things get real ratchet at rugby league games.

Especially the Warriors. Yeah, you can yell at any sorts of profanities. But when I go to the tennis match and I was ready to like catch up with Ben and Amanda, I hadn't seen Ben in like three weeks by then. So I was like, we're going to have some great yarns here. And then they start playing and it's like quiet in the stadium. It's like, what do you mean? We're here to catch up with each other.

What do you mean? You're a good talker. You are a really good talker. And I'm like, how are you going to be quiet for long parts of the day? Especially like I need stimulation at all points of the day. I was getting really antsy. I was just going to the bathroom just to do something. But you can't go to the bathroom.

What were you doing in the bathroom? No. Yeah. And that's what you find out when you go to the bathroom. You can't get back in until someone does a point or something. You've got to wait to the thing. But you did a really good job. I was like, this is great because I know you just wanted to talk, but it was like you were quiet in the bits where they said,

quiet please, until like about 45 minutes into the first game, which is the first game. And then you went, which one is which in the game? I'm like, there's only two players out there. If you haven't worked it out in 45 minutes, who's who? Like, what are you watching? I think they need to actually wear their flag so people know from the get-go the creation is which one of them there's only two of them uh but there was a moment because you're right that when the

bathroom breaks happen um you know you that's your chance to go and marcello and amanda went they went to the bathroom left the two of us there and it was in a break of the game. And then, so I'm sitting next to Taylor, producer Taylor, and then the kiss cam comes on. And I'm like, uh-oh, uh-oh, because it's just the two of us. No, we're sitting there, and I'm like, please don't have the kiss cam around two of us, because our partners have just gone to the bathroom. And then the kiss cam came across to us, and we did the whole wave away. No, no, not us. I wave away there's two options in that situation right there's either we we do we commit to the kiss cam or we wave it away you know the rules of the kiss cam yeah come back in they're like that's what i was thinking that we just yell

out we'll be like coming along and then marcelo who plays the warriors as i mentioned before coming back as i'm kissing taylor smooching up a storm in the box. On centre court. It's the rules of the kiss cam. You guys have got to understand that. So, yeah. So we got caught on the kiss cam. What monster invented the kiss cam?

Because you don't know people's relationship status. You don't? No. This is my daughter. Yeah. But we're work colleagues. You know? Yeah.

I was saying bring it on just to liven up the bloody atmosphere. You know, I've just waited 45 minutes to say a word. I'm just anyone right now. But a human contact. The Hits, the Jono and Ben podcast. And I found out some pretty saucy information about you over the holiday break. Oh, you sort of mentioned this in passing, but I don't really know what you're talking about. So a friend of mine, Turia,

her friend went to New York. Right. And he likes to indulge in the activities of an application called Grindr. Now, for the kids listening, Grindr is an app where like-minded men can meet other

men and grind things. Cracked pepper, coriander. Oh, that's the stuff, yeah. Nutmeg. Yeah. You know, a lot of grindable things. Yeah. And he matched with you.

With me. On Grindr. Ah. In New York. Ah. Okay. So I know you haven't been to New York. Well, no, not for a very long time.

Now, the problem being is whoever's impersonating you on Grindr, now it's grinding my gears. Okay? They've taken our publicity shots, Megan Pappas. Oh, quite a good look. It looks like a Hellenstein Brothers one. You're sitting on a couch with a suit. Now, I'm standing next to you.

They've cut my face off. They have. It's not your body. You've got to know who you want. I mean, if you want to turn up on the date, you want to know who you're turning up it's like just to be clear i'm the one sitting now i'll go through the grinder profile okay so there's that one next one is you doing a selfie in a mirror yeah okay well that's a good you're looking grindable i'd grind man would you i mean it's my first day yep yeah you don't have to answer that then we've

got a shot with you me me, and Shawn Mendes. Oh, you're in that one. And it says, just to clarify, I'm the one on the left. So just make it. What am I, Chuck Liver? Well, maybe you've got another one. Maybe there's a whole account for you. Check me into the mix.

Now, I go to your profile. Okay, now, a lot of it can't be broadcast at 8.12 in the morning. Should I be flattered by this, Megan? Yeah, I think so. It sounds like John's offended. I'm offended. I guess if someone's got a, you know, like maybe that's a good thing. Someone thinks you're marketable enough in the New York grinder market

to actually advertise. To choose, yeah. So yeah, okay, I'm flattered. What happens when they turn up and they're like, oh, looks nothing like the picture. Oh, I've paid for an Uber, mate. You should message them and just be like, I need to know what you actually look like. How am I going?

I need to know how I'm going. Now, can I go through your stats? Yeah. Okay. Stats. Slim. Yes. He's versatile.

Agreed. He's white. Yes. Married. Yes. And according to your profile, it looks like you're a huge fan of eggplants. You do eat healthy. Yeah, I do.

You do eat healthy. And clearly they don't know your personality because then it also says into risky public behaviour. Now, if anyone knows my friend Ben Boyce, he is very risk adverse. Yeah, definitely not. Maybe 10 years ago, 15 years ago, I might have been more into risky public behaviour. Do you know the other frightening thing about this is I have zero recollection of meeting Sean Mendes. Do you? Really?

I have no... At the edge. I saw it was at the edge. I have no idea. It was lovely. Smelled lovely. It left an impression on you. The hits. The Jono and Ben podcast. The alarm this morning was interesting. It was interesting. I feel great today.

It's all downhill from tomorrow for the next 11 months. Your body's in a little bit of shock when the alarm goes off in the morning, so early, early, but hey. And hot too. Jeez, restless night. I'll tell you what, some tips for keeping cold. If you want a frosty reception, you can turn up to maybe your ex's house. In-laws, sometimes you get a frosty reception there as well.

Keep the temps down. Ben Boyce ran into a superstar over the weekend. Yeah, now it's really unusual circumstances because my daughter Sienna, she loves acting and stuff. She's in the school production of School of Rock that's coming up. They just started rehearsals in the holidays and we'd just been watching School of Rock, the movie, you know, with Jack Black. And then we were walking into town in Auckland down by the viaduct and walking behind these two individuals. Now, they had backpacks on, long sort of grey hair, bearded,

hats that look like what sort of like the Bunnings, you know, the Bunnings sort of sun protection hats. You're like, what cruise ship have these two come off? Very, very loud shirts and very loud shorts that didn't match, like totally mismatched and frisbees around their necks like frisbees like that actually you know one of those frisbees that have the hole in the middle like a halo well they had those around their neck so this is what we're walking behind these two individuals are they on their way to a stag dude i don't know what was going on and then i heard american accent you know between their

conversation because we were walking behind it and i I just went to my wife, I think that's Jack Black. And she was like, no. And she's like, it's because we were watching School of Rock last night. I was like, no, no, I think that's Jack Black. And it was walking behind and just sort of a few paces. And then I kind of did the thing where you kind of walked a little close, but not too close. It's like the walking in the Olympics. You speed up a bit.

You want to let them do some wind resistance at the front. Just looked like a couple of tourists off down to the viaduct and they missed their sort of turn that they needed to go. So he sort of turned around and came back and I was just like a meter away and I was like face to face with Jack Black. I was like, oh, hey, man, love your work, big fan. And then he sort of went, oh, thank you very much and gave a sort of bow to us all.

We were like, oh, that's cool. And then sort of walked off and we're like should we ask him for a photo should we not ask him for a photo please tell me you took one from a distance a creepy one did one thank you so i didn't ask him for a photo i thought no let's not let's not bug them and it was interesting because we followed them through the viaduct very busy part of town you know in auckland and it was interesting walking behind them as people sort of walked past going you know as they sort of noticed but no one bugged them which i thought was actually quite cool for New Zealand but there's about 520 creepy long distance photos yeah what's worse actually getting one that he's approved or

posted it anywhere and I thought it was quite nice and after it was like should I should I know but it was actually yeah it was quite nice just to say hey I love your work and him to say thank you very much but that's very unusual and then later that night He was on stage With the Foo Fighters Out in concert Singing ACDC I think Out on stage With the Foo Fighters

Which was pretty cool Did he change his outfit For his stage Slightly different So he went for Other loud ensemble Mismatch Wearing flaming

Oversized shorts He did yeah He had Cheshire cat shorts I remember In the one I was thinking Slightly different. So he went for other loud ensemble. Mismatch. Wearing flaming oversized shorts. Yeah. He had Cheshire Cat shorts, I remember, in the one I was thinking. You know, from Alice in Wonderland. He has a Cheshire Cat and a top that did not. But hey, it's like Jack Black. I mean, he's a legend. He dived into a Salvation Army bit and came out with whatever.

But pretty cool. But quite surreal just to see when you're not expecting it. And just looking like a couple of tourists off a cruise ship. He's filming Minecraft here, isn't he? I think he is. With Momoa. Jason Momoa, yeah. Which is pretty cool.

So that was my little interaction over the weekend. Well, we continue with the holiday show until next. Yeah. How my friend's son saved a man at sea. I know. Been floating in the ocean for 24 hours. What? The hits.

The Jono and Ben podcast. But exciting story over the holidays. My son's friend saved a gentleman who had been floating in the ocean for 24 hours. Now, I read about this. It made news. Yeah, it made news, yeah. Not about your son's thing.

I didn't realise who had rescued him, but I read about this harrowing tale for this poor person Yeah I think that's probably not the important part of the story But yeah this guy He went out marlin fishing By himself Caught a marlin And the marlin was so big

Pulled him off his own boat So he's floating in the ocean And his boat was in gear So he just slowly sailed kept going Slowly sailed away Thankfully apparently When you're marlin fish You've got some sort of Waist strap on

Which was acting as buoyancy But he's floating in the ocean Boat's sailing away Oh jeez And you're going Speaking of in me now In December In me now

Maybe not straight away No But I imagine as it got dark Because he was in there For 24 hours, right? He said through that period, three sharks circled him. Oh, my God. Lucky he wasn't in a wetsuit or something.

Probably didn't look like a seal or bait. You'd feel everything just brush past your leg. I know. I mean, you go through the night, but you couldn't sleep. You'd want to sleep, but at the same time you couldn't because you'd be just so fearful of what was actually out there. The whole time. The sun would be pounding down on you too.

In my mind, it was sunny the whole time. I didn't even think about the darkness. Through the night. In the deep sea. To get the attention of a boat, someone quite smart, right? Yeah, so my son's friend went out with his family fishing and they went out quite far. It was about 9.30 in the morning

and they just noticed in the distance like a sort of a shining and this guy who'd been floating for 24 hours still had the brain power to use his watch as a reflector off the sun to try and catch their attention and they just by some chance someone on the boat just spotted it And I mean How often do you see stuff And you're like Don't even Yeah Follow it up

But they went over And there he was Floating in the ocean And he's all good now He said can I get a lift They're like sorry mate Don't pick up hitchhikers Yeah

No but he got on And his tongue Apparently was black I guess from salt Oh maybe So much salt The sun in his face was burnt. So they picked him up, took him back that afternoon.

He was having a beer at their house. Was he? Yeah. Wow. Amazing, amazing story. Wild story. You know, that's a great, when they come back from show and tell at school, that's a better, than the guy who turns up with a cicada he's captured in a jar

with some glad wrap on top. The Hits, the Jono and Ben podcast. Holiday show and tell. What have you got for us this morning? You can text 4487 or 0800 The Hits. Must you like Christina is with us? Ready to show and tell, Christina? Yes, I think so.

Oh, you're a legend. Hang on, I'm just... Sorry, I've got the kids in the car. This is the radio, guys. You're so good. I want to be on the radio. What's that'm sorry, I've got the kids in the car. This is the radio, guys. You're so good. I'm on the radio. What's that? I'm already on the radio.

You are, mate. You are on the radio. You're on the radio right now. Not good radio, but you're on it. Okay. I'm on the radio. What do you want to say? What do you want to say to New Zealand?

It's a good place. It's a great place. It is a great place. When you look at what's going on in the world, New Zealand's a a good place. It's a great place. It is a great place. When you look at what's going on in the world, New Zealand's a pretty good place. You're right. Yeah. What goals and aspirations have you got this year?

I need there to be more Kiwis in here. I need them to come to our house so we can get pet Kiwis. That's not pet Kiwi. That is definitely not going to happen, but that's a good goal. That's a good goal. 2024. That's a pet kiwi. That is definitely not going to happen, but that's a good goal. That's a good goal. That is a great goal. Hey, Christina. Yes. What was

the holiday show and tell? What did you get up to? So we went on a really cool road trip up north. We went for seven days, making our way to the very tippy top at Cape Reinga. But when we stopped sort of in Manganui

was our final stop, and we went to this really cool lake about 20 minutes from there called Coca-Cola Lake, which the kids absolutely loved. It's quite surreal. You drive there and you just think, oh, it's just another lake. But as you get closer and you walk in,

all of the water is the colour of coke. And it is just the strangest thing when you go swimming in it. That feels like water you probably don't want to go for a swim in. Yeah, water has coloured it brown. That's just Auckland's beaches at the moment. Yeah, it felt illegal. My husband and I were saying, oh, you know, you're going in and you can't see anything beyond about 20 centimetres.

And you think, oh, God, what's lying underneath? But no, it was very cold. Is this something Coca-Cola actually wants to be associated with? Yeah, are they sponsoring it or is it a dumping ground for them? A waste from the factory. I'm looking at it right now online. It is actually a really, really cool looking thing. It's sort of like different colours, different shades of colour.

What's it like swimming in there? Does it eat away at your skin or what? What's happening? Does it sing? It's actually very fresh. I thought maybe I'd wake up feeling very rejuvenated. And, you know, the next day with some magical minerals or whatever is hiding in that water. But no, it was great.

It was amazing. It was fantastic. We loved it. Less minerals and more chemicals, I think. It's amazing. Didn't even know it existed. There we go. Holiday show and tell.

You have a great 2024 and good luck with getting those Kiwis for your kids. Thank you very much. And we went on 90 mile beach and I got to drive. Oh, that sounds very illegal. I'm not joking. We're going to go now. Okay, yeah, you should probably.

And I got to drive. That'd ever be it. Megan Pup is joining us for 2024, which is exciting. You've been reading the news. You're quite nervous about the news most of all

today, right? Yeah, because it's live and it's not something you want to stuff up. You did a great job. news most of all today, right? Yeah, because it's live and it's not something you want to stuff up. You did a great job. Thank you. Even with us messing with it, or mainly Jono. Jono's like, should I put some funny names within the news bulletins for you to read? I've

anchormanned it because I just read it verbatim. But to be fair, in what I'm reading, it's written out phonetically. Yeah, and it's just being put in at the last minute on the news programme, so Megan didn't have time to pre-read these things, and so it was very professional and just read out what was in front of her. However, with an air of suspicion.

Have a listen. And on the outer courts this afternoon, 32nd seed Shirley from Accounts will be looking to advance to the next round. Meanwhile, 16th seed American Dennis Tennis is preparing for his next match.

Big action on the centre court this afternoon with team Sensation giving up on life, looking for a big win. And 11th seed German Aperol Spritz. You guys. What? Aperol Spritz. You guys. What? What?

Aperol Spritz. One of our favourite tennis players. Will face off against Britain's Eileen Dover and Phil. Eileen Dover and Phil. It's a hyphenated tennis player. Eileen Dover and Phil. Oh, so good. What I loved after that tennis one is you're like, is that a real, you're like, you started Googling it?

I'm like, I don't really know tennis that well. And Sharon from Accounts accounts i read that so like one when you hear it it sounds like i should have known but it's written weirdly yes the surname looks like it's an exotic italian surname welcome to the team welcome to the team that's all the hazing you can do in 24. back in the day mate would have been tattooing you bloody throwing your buildings and even that probably offended a whole lot of people as well. They would have been making you kiss everyone in the office. And naked down the street. The Hits, the Jono and Ben podcast.

Now, producer Taylor comes in, and she likes to try and fake us out with some headlines that she's made up. Some are legit, and some are real. Five years of a journalism degree under her belt, and it gets put to good use at 6.25 a.m. on a Monday morning. You've been scouring the internet from news hub to porn hub to find all of the funniest headlines. What have you got today, Producer Taylor?

All right, kicking it off with a big one. US rapper Zeddy Will, who got five women pregnant at the same time, hosts joint baby shower, sparking an internet frenzy. Oh, joint baby shower. So all of them? Five of them? Five pregnant at the same time host joint baby shower sparking an internet frenzy oh joint baby so all of them five of them five pregnant at the same time oh so just different locations they all just happened at the same time so whether that was in the one room at the same time prolific yeah pretty impressive yeah and combining the baby's shower too cost effective very smart okay so if that is legit or not we we'll find out in a moment. All right, a woman spends over $200 to immortalise dead pet hamster

as a stuffed stripper. As a stuffed stripper? Yeah. Like an erotic dancer? Yeah. Like straddling a pole? Yes. A hamster?

Yes. Okay, that seems made up. We've got some conversations to have. Number three, celebrity weight loss drug Ozempic to be put in vape form to make for even easier and faster fat loss. I'm going to pick the Ozempic vape form. Why do they need to turn it into a vape liquid? Have you seen what's been turned into a vape form?

That's the most convenient way now to... Don't try and defend it. ...in the head or story. Listen, just because you can see my phone. One of these has been made up by you, and you get quite defensive on the last one. I just hate the allegations. Any one of them could be fake.

That could be right. So let's go back to the middle one, which had an extraordinary amount of detail. The hamster. What was it wearing? Like a gold G? Yeah, I guess so. It looks pretty cute.

Have you got a photo? You've got the internet up. Just Google hamster stripper dad. Okay. What are we going to lock in for the face? The rapper with five women pregnant at the same time. That seems feasible to me. You've been in a similar situation?

I was just thinking if I was a rapper, which I'm not. You have so many babies all over the place. Yeah, that seems feasible. I don't know. I mean, they all seem quite unbelievable, but I'm going to say that one's feasible, so let's go between the other two. I'm going to stick with number three.

You didn't put enough detail into the third one. You got overly defensive, and that's the story that you made up. Right, well, congratulations, you're correct. Are you happy? Yeah. That's the made-up story. That is correct. O's and P's not in vape form.

Jeez, that rapper. Now, he's combined the baby shower. Does he combine one child support payment for all five babies as well? I love that you're stuck on the wrapper. I'm Googling the hamster. There it is. There it is. Wow.

Have a look, Megan. He's got little pink undies on and he's got dollar bills stuffed in his undies as he straddles a pole. The hamster's like, is this how it ended? Getting ideas what to do with Lily. We'll put the photo up on the His Breakfast Instagram.