Jono, Ben & Megan - The Podcast - Show Highlights: When do you leave it to the professionals?

Episode Date: February 19, 2024

Jono vs security guard. Party entertainment that missed the mark. Megans husband isn't coming back from this one... See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

The Hits, with the Jono and Ben podcast. Thanks to Challenge, putting the service back into service stations. Now, okay, you said a deep, meaningful, spicy question to begin with. Yeah. Okay, I went to a funeral recently. My friend's father passed away. It was very sad, but at the funeral, there's times, those occasions, they give you perspective and you reset, don't you? And everyone who spoke about him was saying wonderful things, like a true great New Zealand guy. And it makes you go, what's going to be said about me at my funeral? Right, right. So here's my question.

Are you fishing for compliments? Here's my question. Live on air funeral now. You do your eulogies, ad lib them, or only favorable comments accepted. Now, what would you want said about you? It's interesting. You go tomorrow. Everyone's a packed house.

I'm picking Spark Arena for a Ben Boyce funeral. Definitely not. That's for sure. Sold out. State funeral. What do you want said? I think it's kind of like you raise an interesting point, though. It's lovely that people say lovely things, but a lot of times, well, the person doesn't

hear a lot of those things. Obviously, they're dead, but those things aren't often said to them while they're alive. Yeah, that's true. You know, which is kind of one of those sad things in a lot of ways. So you should have like a pre-funeral. Yeah, I've always kind of wondered that. Yeah. Like, yeah, because it's kind of like, oh, then I'm gone.

Oh, so you're wanting the accolades IRL? Well, not for me, necessarily. I'm like, hey, let's talk, you know, but for other people. I'd rather, yeah, okay. That's what I was acting Well, not for me necessarily. But for other people. I'd rather hit you. Okay, that's what I was acting for. Old book spark. Old book spark. And then on the funeral, like your actual funeral,

don't worry about it. Family saved the money. They've spent it all on Spark Arena for the big showcase beforehand. Who's playing? You got a band there? You got a big band there? Yeah, I reckon we can get six years. Yeah, six years.

Yeah, we can get in together. Quite the affair. Why do I feel so uncomfortable like giving you a nice eulogy right now? He's made it weird. I have made it.

I told you I'd make it weird. It's too early to make it weird. But here's my friend and his brother. They were saying he was like not a dad,

a best friend. And I was like, well, that's as a father probably the ultimate thing you want to hear. Isn't it? But you're right. You've got to say it when people are around.

Yeah, and some people do and some people don't, I guess that's the thing. I don't think anyone's going to say anything bad about you, Ben. You're a very positive guy. I don't know. Great on email, great on email. He was a great emailer. They were like, oh, really? Tell you what, you're on a to-do list.

He even wrote a to-do list for this funeral. Who's, oh, really? That was the best thing? You want a to-do list? He even wrote a to-do list for this funeral. Who's, oh, Sharon. Yeah. Sharon. Our mate Sharon from Works of the Edge. We all know Sharon. She's planned a funeral. She's got it all planned.

She's got a doc, like a doc. Google doc. Yeah. She's written her own eulogy that someone has to read out. She's got the song. She's got everything. See, I would have pinned that for you, Ben. Yeah, I know.

I haven't. Oh, jeez. Put that on a to-do list, oh geez that's today's job the hits the Jono and Ben podcast of course a lot of the world talking about particularly this side of the world talking about Taylor Swift being in Australia she makes her way from Melbourne to Sydney she played three nights in Melbourne across the weekend and a Taylor Swift fan has made news because she was, I guess, heavily pregnant. She was pretty close to being due, right? She was two days overdue.

Overdue. She still went to the concert. Still went to the concert. But like that, she would have known her due date and the date of the concert. And she still wore the ticket. Big fan. She's really rolling the dice. Big fan.

She went along to the concert and then she started feeling contractions during the concert. Yeah, it was during folklore era. Right. and then she started feeling contractions during the concert. Yeah, it was during folklore era. Right. I don't know how far along that is in the concert, but she sat down and decided to wait it out. What, suck to back up? Yeah.

What, do you use your pelvis to do that, do you? Well, she was having contractions. I don't think it was like, you know, coming out. Things had started. Yeah. Movements were going. Yeah. Is it possible? Can you hold it in if you try?

No. No. I don't think so but how was your birth um free flowing okay where do i start um why i had contractions but i had emergency cesareans both times oh did you yeah yeah so would you have gone to a concert in this state taylor swift just put her in, you know, she's obviously a big Swifty. Yeah, well she's obviously a big Swifty. She had the baby, we need to say afterwards, within 20 minutes to an hour afterwards the baby's all safe and sound.

Middle name Taylor too, spelt the Aussie Bogan way like our producer Taylor. T-A-Y-L-I, Taylor. I love T-A-Y-L-I. Which is a cute little nod to the baby's birth story. I probably would have because I was just doing everything. I was like, well, I'll just stop what I'm doing at the time. And you don't know.

Yeah. Some people could be two weeks overdue, some could be two weeks beforehand. But three hours. She's heavily pregnant. At that stage, you are tired tired your ankles are sore like everything and she was going to a three hour concert well speaking of

producer Taylor you went to a baby shower on the weekend and then the lady was not due to give birth for weeks over a month and then boom

gave birth a couple hours later directly after the baby shower wow lucky she got it in yeah get all the gifts otherwise it'd be like

oh do we oh oh she like, oh, do we? Oh, oh, she already had the baby. Do we still give her the presents? Do we still shower the baby in gifts after it's born? No. The hits. The Jono and Ben podcast. Joining us right now is old lucky Elise.

We call her lucky Elise in the family because she always gets mum's favourite, Elise, as well. And she gets a ticket to Taylor Swift last minute as well. That's how lucky you are. Oh, come off it. I feel like there's some unresolved issues coming out here. I'm going to give a shrine to Elise in the house as well.

Anyway. He's not bitter at all. That's not why we're talking to lucky Elise. Especially when he's got professional marketing material out there with his face on it. Where's his shrine? We're talking to Elise about how she went to Taylor Swift Friday night, the first concert in Melbourne.

Did you enjoy it, Elise? I did, I did, yeah. I was a bit nervous about going undercover, but it was phenomenal, yeah. Undercover, because you're saying that you're not the biggest Swifty. I mean, you're like... I'm nervous about that being public, but yeah, I wasn't the biggest fan, but yeah, after

the concert, it was just amazing, yeah. This is the terrifying hold these Swifties have on the rest of us. It's not like you don't like Taylor Swift, it's just like you're not as big a fan as some of the others, but then after going along, have you changed your mind? A lot, yeah. I'll add Swifty to the list. Oh, she's a Swifty. Yeah, it was awesome.

I mean, she sang like 44 songs. Jeez. Did it feel like 96,000 people? Yeah, a million percent. The ground was actually like shaking, which was a bit terrifying. You're in a concrete kind of dome. But yeah, we were good.

It was a bit of a wild one, but yeah. It's three and a bit terrifying. You're in a concrete kind of dome. But yeah, we were good. It was a bit of a wild one, but yeah. It's three and a half hours. Were you, as someone who's not the biggest Swifty, were you like, by the end of it? Not at all. But I was worried about how the heck I was going to get home with 96 times. Imagine about two and a half hours in, you start to worry about the transport issues.

What was the point that turned you? Were you like, i'm a fan now oh she was actually really endearing like you quite felt quite genuine which you i don't know sometimes you don't get from yeah she she was just great she's quite goofy um like quite nerdy which was quite cute to see um yeah i felt like i i feel like i know her way more now. She's like your mate. Total BFFs. Well, the vibe was apparently awesome. We talked to someone yesterday, Lily from the New Zealand Herald,

and she said the vibe was just incredible. People swapping bracelets, people just in a good mood. Yeah, it was awesome. And just everyone was so dressed up and the crowd was like so sparkly and there were some really awesome dads there and they had on their T-shirts like, Hi, it's me, I'm the dad. Oh, that's so cute.

Good touch, good touch. I had a really good question. I completely forgot what it was. So good. That's been great. Unforgettable. Probably one of the greatest questions ever to be asked on broadcast medium. I guess we'll never hear it.

We'll never hear that. Who's going to make or break me that question? It's going to hit the big leagues. Watch out, Piers Morgan. But no, it's gone. It's gone. All right. Okay.

Well, you want to wrap things up now? I think Jono's out of questions, Megan. You're good? What did you wear? Did you make an outfit? Yeah, I was a bit nervous, but I went full red because I was like, album red, I've got that. Oh, nice.

Oh, nice. Megan, thank you for that bridging question. Yeah, yeah. I got you, babe. You do. Thank you. Now, does she leave as the concert's still going? Is there still music playing and she goes offstage?

Groundbreaking. Because that was a question. She does? Because this is what I heard from a promoter, is that artists like Ed Sheeran, Harry Styles, the concert's still going, they're off stage, and they're in a car out the door while the concert's still playing because they don't want to get caught in traffic.

What? That's a thing. That feels rude. Apparently there was an Elton John concert, and they were still playing Rocket Man And his private plane was flying over the top of the stadium Catch you losers later Oh there we go

Thank you for your time out of Melbourne this morning I'm a sister of Lisa And she's a Swifty now She was on the fence about it But you're a Swifty now We welcome into the studio Our little Australian Rdler, producer Taylor. For a game that's got an intro.

The riddler. The riddler. Let's get riddling. We've actually changed, amended your contract to professional riddler as well, producer Taylor. Love to claim that. So every week you come with a riddle for us First and foremost as a show And we generally more often than not fail

And then you throw one out to the wonderful hits listener So I'll start off with an easier one Get our brains all working right Okay so I have branches yet I have no leaves No trunk and no fruit What am I? Family tree

No but that's nice. It's got branches. Yes, Ben. A bank. A bank. Well done. He's saying the answer three times quietly over there. Everyone's ignoring him.

A bank. A bank. It had branches. That was the only reason it had branches. Yeah, well done. Wow. Ben, boys. There we go.

Was that the Walmart one? That was the Walmart one. Do we get another one? Yeah, which is one for the listeners too. I want another one because Ben snaked that one. I didn't even get a chance. I'll give you guys another one, then I'll come up with another one. I won't say it.

I won't say it even if I know. But even if I don't know, I won't say it either. This one's quite hard. I have four legs but no hair. People ride me for hours but don't go anywhere. Without needing to be tugged or turned on, I always manage to be ready for work. What am I?

No. Sorry, repeat. Sorry, sorry. I have four legs but no hair. People ride me for hours but don't go anywhere. Without needing to be tugged or turned on i always manage to be ready for work what am i oh now you got me four legs no hair ready for work are you sure it's not a chair positive man i feel like i'm pretty sure she knows the answer i feel like it should

be cheer you should change the answer to cheer. Yay, I got it. Okay, so we throw it out there. Yep. Okay. Cheer. Come on. I can't just have you just say cheer. I'm not going to give clues either because then it just gives it away. The Hits, the Jono and Ben podcast.

In the middle of a very tricky riddle this morning, producer Taylor likes to trick us with something we call the riddler. The riddler. Yes, tirelessly. Producer Taylor has worked copying and pasting riddles from Google. No one copies and pastes riddles harder than you do, mate. Well, it's all about finding the right one. I've had a few errors in the past.

This is a good one, though. This is a good one. This is a tough one. What have we got? I have four legs but no hair. People ride me for hours but don't go anywhere. Without needing to be tugged or turned on, I always manage to be ready for work.

A chair. Megan keeps just saying chair. It is. It's got four legs. It's always ready for work. You ride it for hours. It's a legitimate chair. You ride it for hours.

That throws me. I was like a bus or something but this doesn't have legs. Sarah, you're on. Welcome. How are you? Yeah, good, thank you. How about yourself? Yeah, doing really well.

Lovely to have you on early in the morning. Well, New Zealand's breakfast, what do you think the answer is? I think it's a bed. Is it a bed? No, but that's a good guess. It's not a bed. Oh, no. Ready for work?

Yeah, no, you're not really ready for work. Well, it depends on your line of work, doesn't it? It does. The work bench. Yeah. Some, no. Ready for work? Yeah, no, you're not really ready for work. Well, it depends on your line of work, doesn't it? It does. The work bench, some call it. Yeah. Okay, well, thank you, Sarah. Not a bed. Okay, we'll get Mark on from Invercargill.

Welcome to the show, Mark. How's the South this morning? I'm good. Good on you. Lovely. All right, the answer to this riddle. Is it a bucking bull? A bucking bull, he said.

Bucking. No. Just be clear on that one. No, it's not a bucking bull. She's telling a huge story right there, isn't she? It was a horrific F-bomb in the morning, but it wasn't. And a completely unnecessary one as well. A bull, but I'm really going to emphasizeise the bull with a swear word. Not a fucking

bull, Mark. Thank you so much. But yeah, it does probably fit the criteria of the clues. We'll go to line one, Grace, if possible, mate. Hello, you're on the air. Hey, Jono. How you going, Grace? We're doing really well. Who's this, mate? It's Quinton speaking. Quinton, it's lovely to have you on

the show. Can we recap the riddle there, Tay? I have four legs but no hair. People ride me for hours but don't go anywhere. Without needing to be tugged or turned on, I always manage to be ready for work. What do you reckon there, Quinton? Is it a rocking horse?

No, it's not, but I could see how that... You'd kind of tug the reins, right? I'm a rocking horse. This has stumped everyone. I think we need a clue. So, Megan, back to your chair thing. It's not a chair. But it's kind of like more in that vicinity.

Chair adjacent. It's chair adjacent. At least just go with chair and call it a day. It's chair adjacent. Someone's texting saying a disc? Yes. A disc? That's the the day. It's chair adjacent. Someone's texted and saying a disc? Yes. A disc? That's the correct answer.

Why are you riding? It's a chair. Why are you riding the disc for hours? Okay, I have four legs but no hair. People ride me for hours but don't go anywhere. I'm not riding a disc. Have you never ridden a desk? Without needing to be tucked or turned on,

I always manage to be ready for work. Yeah, you're right. You're not writing a desk, Alice. No, you're writing the chair. Let's go back to chair. In the nature of the riddle, guys, you would write a desk. When? Like, you sit on the chair and then you get pushed in

and that would be writing a desk. Oh, that's a real sloppy riddle. Sloppy riddle. Sloppy riddle. Really disappointing riddle. No, Riddler. Go and have a good little hard look in the mirror, Riddler. You guys are just kidding. We gave that eight minutes of radio and it wasn't worth any of it.

I told you my answer was better. Oh, exactly. I'll go with Megan's chair now. The hits. The Jono and Ben podcast. When the party entertainment missed the mark. Yeah. Because I was at a playground at the weekend,

took my kids to this epic playground, and there was a couple of parties set up in a park, which is a great idea. So one of them, it was quite an epic fifth birthday party, and we noticed along walks Spider-Man. Spider-Man had been hired for this birthday party. It was the

you know the black suit. What Spider-Man is that? Oh yeah. I know the one you're talking about.

The darker side of Spider-Man. Not your traditional Spider-Man. Not sure where he's at.

Emotionally midlife crisis Spider-Man. Where am I going in life? Where's the torch on my phone?, you know, struggling to find. Emotionally midlife crisis Spider-Man. Yeah, can't find me. Where am I going in life? Where's the torch on my phone? Can't get the force to flash. That's Spider-Man, yeah.

Dark thought Spider-Man. Spider-Man came fully dressed, if you know what I'm saying, and was walking through the playground talking to children along the way. Initially I was like, what's happening here? Should we be concerned? But this was Spider-Man who was coming to a fifth birthday party and he found the party he was supposed to be at. Kids would have loved it.

They would have been frothing. They loved it. He put on Post Malone sunflower, which I've since learned is from the Spider-Man movies at the time. It felt weird. Sunflower, great song. And he was doing interpretive dancing with the kids andMan movies at the time. It felt weird. You have a sunflower! Great song, yeah. And he was doing interpretive dancing with the kids and the kids

were into it. I, however... That's one of Spider-Man's finest traits is interpretive dance. It was something to behold. I, however, was not so into it and I feel like all of the parents and adults watching were all on the same page

because the Skintight Lycra was skintight all over. Oh, yeah. Very unforgiving. You could see all of his spidey lumps. His lovely spidey lumps. But they weren't so lovely. Yeah, and because he was interpretive dancing, I could see every kind of movement.

His web slinging everywhere, basically. Did he have webbing on? Did he have webbing down there? I think he had bike pants on. It wasn't enough. Very unforgiving, the superhero outfit, isn't it? They could have opted for comfortable civilian clothes. They'd blend in a lot better.

You wouldn't know who that who's this brooding guy i don't know so is that batman if he's not dressed in the outfit you don't know yeah they can attack people quicker yeah um but i mean good on him he'd got it from you know like online and he was he was doing his thing but you're thinking the the party entertainment kind of missed the mark in your regard just because of what was downstairs, the package region. No one else was staring at Spider-Man's ghoulies, maybe just you. We all were.

All the parents were. Kids are having a great time. This is not like Mr. Mark at all. A friend was having her hens do, and she got a stripper, and he turned up sunburned, like full sunburned, like not Magic Mike, sort of tanned red like dangerously it just had four you know a whole day in the sun even had the sunglass marks you know tanning up for it i guess and then started just grinding on her face and everyone started laughing like i couldn't stop laughing to the point where the poor guy had to he lost confidence in his routine

and he kind of he packed up uh packed up his thong and and and then they looked out the window about half an hour later and the poor guy was just sitting on the children's park swing swinging back and forth just looking closed again what yeah he closed off he was off to do a spider-man the hits the jonah and ben podcast talking about when the party entertainment may have missed the mark i remember back in the day i used to do a tv show which had a novelty fox costume on tv not anymore but um a novelty fox costume and you know it was like a you know a mascot costume and my friend's daughter her she was little at the time she loved it she used She used to love watching it on the TV. She was like, Fox, Fox.

So he's like, can I borrow it for her party? I'm like, absolutely. And he turned up at the door, knocked at the door, thought she would love it. No. She freaked out seeing this huge size fox, a lot bigger than it was on the TV, went under her bed.

They couldn't get her out for ages. He was like, yeah, thanks for ruining the party. I was like, mate, I didn't tell her out for ages. It was like, yeah, thanks for ruining the party. I was like, mate, I didn't tell you to borrow it. Great text here on 4487. Missing the entertainment, Mark. We organised a friend stag do. And lo and behold, the entertainers arrived.

And both of them went to school with the bride's brother. And then the father of the bride also knew them and were good friends with their parents. What do you do in that situation? So normal ready to catch a house how's mom and dad you never want to know you never want to know the stripper it's too personal i don't want to hold you up you get to it yeah you'd almost be like listen don't worry about it yeah should we move on from this yeah uh let's get ren on how are you mate all right when the entertainment missed the mark at the party ren oh hi how are you yeah we're doing really well it was a magician we understand yeah so i used to work for an outdoor education center in the uk and during the holidays they'd have um like family camps and so they'd hire entertainers to come in and do shows and they had this one

particular magician who had a kind of a bit that he'd say to the kids look out for my magic carrot but it's kind of awkward because he was standing behind like a waist-high table with his magic hat there like the carrot would pop up in different places all the kids would be like oh look there's the carrot there's the carrot yeah kids loved it, but the parents were a bit like, um. Are you sure this was for kids? Are you sure? Yeah, yes, apparently, yeah. So he only lasted one season.

One and done. Canceled. Canceled after the carrot routine. Magic carrot. And some sinister undertones. A little bit, yeah. My son had seen, we hired a magician for his party, and then he went to another child's birthday party.

This is when he was like seven years old, and the same magician was performing. Okay. But then my son was just in the front row heckling this poor guy, going, he's got the card up his sleeve. There's a rabbit in the suitcase, and really undercutting the whole routine to the point where the magician was like,

now, some of you may have seen me before. Passive-aggressively telling the kid to shut the hell up. No magic carrot, though. And I saw another magician, and he bent down and his toupee got caught on the twig of the tree. Oh, no. And was dangling on top of the tree.

Oh, wow. No one was saying anything. I was like, this is the bloody greatest magic trick ever. It was part of the routine. The Hits, the Jono and Ben podcast. Now, Megan, you were discussing yesterday. You were involved in a suspected security breach at the supermarket with a gentleman with a sackload of... Whittaker's chocolates.

He'd literally filled a country road bag with some Whittaker's chocolates. Technically, he hadn't stolen anything. No, because he got caught before he'd left the store. Very suspicious, though. He had a trolley. Could have put them in the trolley if he was planning on buying them. Yeah. But it was weird. It wasn't what I expected to them in the trolley if he was planning on buying them. Yeah. But it was weird.

It wasn't what I expected to be in the bag. So he was asked to leave. He was, yeah. And he wasn't allowed to purchase his hundreds and hundreds of Whitaker's bars, which we've since found out via text that going for $400 to $600 in Brazil, one bar of chocolate of Whitaker's. Yeah. High demand.

I was like, book a flight to Brazil. We'll take suitcase loads of them over. But how much can you bring through are we going to end up on their Brazilian border patrol or something

this idiot trying to bring nine suitcases of Whittakers I don't know I mean maybe you can bring some over for gifts

but I imagine maybe it's not worth the admin and associated but yeah I always love when you see those people just with like

trolley loads trolley loads of the those people just with like trolley loads. Trolley loads of the same product. Like, you know, trolley loads of Cokes or Sprites or whatever. And you're like, they are definitely going for individual sale. Even though they say not for individual sale. Yeah. I don't know what the consequences are for selling not for individual sale or something. Maybe it's like a parent saying, oh, when I count, don't let me get to one.

No one knows what's going to happen. No, it's true. But yesterday I was at the supermarket too, and I was the centre of a security breach. I was putting my bags of shopping in the boot, popping my daughters in the car. Security guard, Hand on the shoulder Excuse me sir I'm going to need you to come with me Someone has seen you shoplifting on camera

And I'm like what? Was this in front of your daughter too? This is in front of Poppy She's like dad were you shoplifting? She could hear it in the car And then the security guard's like Yes darling he was Oh wow

Do you know? And I was thinking I'm pretty sure I didn't shoplift, unless I accidentally slipped some eye flips down my trousers without knowing. I was fairly confident I hadn't shoplifted. And then so I was like, ha, ha, ha, thinking it was a joke. Yeah. And this gentleman didn't drop character. He's like, I'll need you to come with me.

Would you like to leave your daughter in the car or would she come with us inside as well? I'm like, oh, okay, dear God, maybe I did. It's getting a little serious. And he picked the shopping out of the boot. Oh, really? Yeah. Wow.

And started walking back into the supermarket with him. I'm like, okay, all right, this is what we're doing. I'm a crim now. This is good for us. I was thinking good street cred for the show. Yeah. It could be like a side article on the Herald, you know. Broadcaster caught in a shoplifting scandal,

so they're going to get us some press. And so we're walking back in. He's got my shopping in his hands. He turns around and he's like, ah. With a smile on his face. So he's pranking you. He's pranking me. And he was a tall man.

Yeah. Frightening. That's the problem when you have a career that's built largely upon pranks. I get the same thing. People either prank you or when they do something legit, you're like, oh, good prank. You know, you're always. Yeah, you're on edge.

But we build a rod for our own back. I know. So, you know, it's on us. But, yeah, rod for our own back. I know. So it's on us. But yeah, our pranking years are behind us, Megan. That was a great commitment to the gag too. And he was not. Extra mile in front of your daughter. And he didn't draw character.

I was like, surely this is frowned upon by the security industry. I appreciate the comedy. And now I know what OJ Simpson felt like. Wrongly accused. Oh, God. That's not good. The Hits, the Jono and Ben podcast. Kelsey reportedly spent about $20,000 on his Valentine's Day gifts for Taylor Swift.

I mean, what do you get a billionaire? She got a lambskin Dior beret as one of them. A handbag, some very fancy flowers that cost thousands of dollars. Because they last like a year or something. Yeah, I've kept, them. Yeah, beret, a handbag, some very fancy flowers that cost $1,000. Because they last like a year or something. Yeah, I've kept, yeah. Yeah, he did well. Yeah, he did well. $20,000.

Yeah, puts you to shame. What did you spend on your Valentine's Day, Ben? I actually bought a Milky Bar chocolate because my daughter, we were at the supermarket, she's like, you need to get something for Mum for Valentine's Day. I'm like, we don't do it. She's like, you need to get something. So I was like, oh, she likes Milky Bar.

She's like, all right, that'll do. So there you go. That was definitely while you were at the counter as well too. I got a handmade card with a banana on the front that said, you are appealing. That's a nice pun. I appreciate the pun. Now, speaking of your husband, Andrew. Well, interesting you find me appealing after this comment yesterday. What was the insult? So he insulted you. Yeah.

So we were talking about my daughter. She's 15 months old, but she is like quite small. And so she actually got called petite. And I was like, never thought I would have had like a petite child. And that's when Andrew goes, yeah, I don't know where she gets that from. Oh, wow. He's playing in that field. Okay. I stopped. I stopped and I was like, sorry? And he was like, probably your mum.

Oh, he's doubled it. I was like, pardon me? Andrew, Andrew. As a campaigner who's done that thing like that many times. He was like oh yeah

your mum's your mum's she's a small woman oh I see you're like stop talking he still wasn't getting the

he wasn't getting it or was he trying to make up for it no he wasn't getting it he was like she's a small woman you know she's quite little

in every way I was like sometimes you just keep talking in the hope that you'll make it through the tunnel

with something at the end I do that every day on the radio, basically. Start, you don't know what you're doing, the middle part and just hope there's an end. Maybe that's what he was dreaming of. Did he pull it back? She definitely didn't get it from me, did she?

And he was like, no, that's not what I meant. It's not what I meant. She gets like her attitude from you. I was like... And then we, yeah, we didn't speak for a little bit. I didn't speak For a little bit I didn't speak And now we're still Not talking

He's sleeping in the car And that's how that ended We can laugh about it On the radio But at home Yeah no Times are tough I want to try

And form a defence From here Yeah You really double down On it too Which is hard He kept going He said he got it

From my mum I was like Just stop Stop Yeah Because he could have Pulled it back on himself He's like Oh you know He really doubled down on it too, which is hard. He kept going. He said he got it from my mum. I was like, just stop. Stop. Yeah, because he could have pulled it back on himself. He's like, oh, you know, because the way I'm built, you know. Early stages, but too far gone. He completely forgot about me. And I said, oh, yeah, you know, yeah.

It's gone. It's gone. The Hits, the Jono and Ben podcast. I had a moment in the weekend, Saturday morning. I had gone to the gym, feeling productive, I was feeling good that I'd actually gone to the gym. I was actually listening to the hits on the way home and I was, you know, I was feeling good after the gym, I was feeling like, oh, you know, good energy, ticking something off my to-do list, as I love to do in the weekend.

I love that you put the gym on your to-do list. Going to the gym, I love ticking stuff off a to-do list. At what point do you tick the gym off? Is it like just as you're walking out the gym door? Yeah, so afterwards it's done. It's afterwards it's done. Not while you're there, but afterwards it's done. Still doing it. And then on the hats, this song came on.

Natasha Bedingfield. It's big at the moment because it's in that Cindy Sweeney, you know, rom-com movie, Anything But You. Yeah. At the moment. So I came home. I was feeling, you know, alive, singing this song. Feeling yourself. And then I was like, got to go hit the moment. So I came home. I was feeling, you know, alive, singing this song. Feeling yourself.

And then I was like, going to hit the shower. So I walked straight to hit the showers at home, taking my top off, singing Natasha Bedefield at the top of my head. I've got a great picture

in my head. You know, just singing, you know, alone with the thing because the family out the other end of the house and I just hear this, you all right, mate?

And I, heck of a fright. You never want to, you all right, mate? And I'm a heck of a fright. You never want to hear you're all right, mate, in your own bathroom. Guy, and unbeknown to me, because we've had some problems with the toilet. The toilet just keeps running. Sometimes it won't stop. The water keeps going through. So a man and my wife had arranged for a plumber to come around, who I didn't know was there.

You think she'd warn you as you were pouncing towards the bathroom singing Natasha Bedingfield. It was me, just shirtless, singing Natasha Bedingfield at the top of my lugs. And then I was in my private bathroom situation and he was just like, you alright, mate? And an unusual song to be singing as well. Yeah, the random, yeah, I'm scared.

And he was like, you alright, mate? And what did you say to are you alright mate no I'm not alright rattled heck of a fright too and then yeah

lucky your pants weren't off too I could have got yeah actually that would have been worse I'd fall like yeah

but being you can rest safe in the knowledge that a shirtless bend boy singing Natasha Bedingfield wasn't the grimmest thing he saw that day

as a drummer well no true that's the good thing about dealing with plumbers as his hand was inside a toilet that a shirtless Ben boy singing Natasha Bedingfield wasn't the grimmest thing he saw that day. That's true. Well, no, it's true. That's the good thing about dealing with plumbers. As his hand was inside a toilet. You're right. He'd give a story for him to tell. He'd give a story for me. So, yeah, just be nice.

You're right. One of my shocking parties, I haven't heard anyone singing that song in years. Oh, you need to see the movie. You need to listen to The Hits. It's a great show. The Hits, the Jono and Ben podcast. Thanks for having me on the show, guys.

I do not miss that traffic. That was the only reason you wanted to come on the show, was not just so you didn't have to sit in traffic. Exactly. Yeah, spirit. There are some people who spend upwards of two hours in a car going back and forth to work. Now, under the old WFH is taking off around the place, isn't it?

Anyway, Megan, you shaved something at home yesterday. And when you said you were going to shave this thing, It's taking off around the place, isn't it? Anyway, Megan, you shaved something at home yesterday. And when you said you were going to shave this thing, both Ben and I were like, that's to leave it to the professionals, in our opinion. It does seem like that, right? You're making it sound very dodgy. I did mention this to you after the show yesterday.

You were like, what have you got planned? My plans for yesterday was to give my dog Leo a trim. Because, you know, he's little. He's a B. John Griffin. He's just a little dog. But it's like 90 bucks. It's quite expensive to trim, is that? Yeah.

Crazy. And I was like, cost of living crisis? I'm going to do this myself. So you did the home job. Was this your debut shaving of a dog? I've done it a couple of times before. But he notoriously isn't a fan, doesn't sit still, doesn't like it. So often he'll get bits that are very close to the skin and then bits that have been missed.

So he ends up being quite patchy. The good thing is about dogs, though, if I know dogs, is they can't complain. No matter if they're not happy with the look, they can't actually vocalise their complaint. Yeah, yeah. So I did actually give it a go yesterday, and I think he was quite into it. You're all right, yeah. So I did actually give it a go yesterday, and I think he was quite into it. You're all right, mate.

I mean, use the on button. How hard can it be? Are we okay? Try not to miss any bits, all right? Do you know, as soon as I turned the clippers on, he started, like, shaking. Yeah, they sound frightening. They sound frightening.

Now, you couldn't shave your dog, Beau, could you? No, no. It's a lot of dog to shave. So, yeah, we've got a Samoyed, big, white, fluffy Samoyed. A little bit like a husky, but just a lot more sort of like a polar bear, like a cloud. But they just need brushing, right? You don't need to. We get them groomed and stuff because it does kind of, this fur kind of mats up and just

molts everywhere. Like the granddad from that movie Up has been living in your house molting. Oh, yeah, totally. Yeah, everywhere. Actually, yeah, he got a groom yesterday, but no one told me. No one tells me anything. They didn't tell me about the plum.

I just came home and went, where's the dog? Oh, my God, the dog's not here. And then my wife doesn't answer the phone because she's at work. I'm like, I don't know where the dog is. Oh, she should have told you. You could have put it on your checklist. Exactly.

So you actually showed us a photo. You did a bang up job. I did. I took it before and after. I'd let you shave me. Okay. I don't know how it turned that weird. Would you let her shave you, Ben?

Yeah, I mean, you've done some beauty stuff on me before. You did a very good job with that. I was thinking you were going to prank me, but you actually, you know, took your time and actually did all right. Dyed your face, you know, took your time and actually did alright. Died your face in bed. Yeah, yeah. I once tried, I remember as a teenager, homemade piercing, prison piercing.

With an ice cube? With an ice cube and then you get the sewing needle. Yeah, that's, I mean, that ends up like... There's a lot of blood with that. There is a lot of blood and a lot of like, sucking in deep breaths as well. Oh, did it get infected? Wait, were you piercing yourself? Yeah, I pierced myself.

Where? Around about the same era, just in my ears. Then around about the same era, we call it the M&M years. Also went for a home bleach with ginola and lemon juice. And I burned off about 12 or 13 layers of my scalp, I think, through that process. So that's, yeah, your hair left you because you don't deserve it. It's never recovered since then.

I don't deserve it, yeah. Have you done anything that the pros should have done? Yeah, well, definitely tried to M&M myself up many times as well. So it definitely doesn't work. What white guy didn't try to M&M himself up? Exactly. Hold on, there's a cool white guy and he raps? I should be a cool white-looking rapper guy.

Leave it to Eminem. When you should have left it to the professionals, it happens a lot of time people do DIY, usually beauty treatments can go horribly wrong, right? Yeah, the problem is when you see a professional doing their job professionally, they make it look incredibly easy. If you see a surfer surfing, you're like,

oh, I could do that. And that's the problem. That's where it misleads you. You feel like it's achievable. Like painting. I saw the house being painted next door. I dabbled in a fence paint. That was fine.

And then I thought I'd take my painting skills inside. Jennifer, my wife, was like, we've got to paint the wooden doors white. She saw it on her friend's Instagram. And I was like, leave it with me. I've painted a fence. Jeez, I tell you what, once you take paint inside, whole other...

Don't you usually spray a door rather than roll to paint it? Don't tell me this now. I've got white splats of paint all over the floor, across the wall. It's an art. And they make it look easy. An art I don't have any patience for. So 800 the hits, when you should have left it to the professionals. Debs, when you should have left it to the pros.

So, yeah, me and my brother's missus decided we wanted to dye our hair blonde, so we put it in mine first, then we put it in mine first Then we put it in hers And then she ended up having a big argument With him and finding out that he'd been Reading around on hers So that was just after We'd washed hers out So we had to take off

For a ride so he could use the phone And ring this other chick You're telling this very casually But the hair dye's in the whole time I imagine for someone as Abbot Duke and... You're telling this very casually. Okay, so yeah, but the hair dye's in the whole time, I imagine, for someone. Yes, just in my one.

Not hers. We'd already washed hers out. So you're like, is this going to be long because I need to re-wash, get my hair, the hair dye out? Basically, it was green when we finally got the hair dye. I haven't even got it out.

Hers look good. Hers look good? I feel like you can't even complain about your hair But hers looks good. Hers looks good? I feel like you can't even complain about your hair because there's a lot going on, you know? Sorry about this, guys, but I've got a hair dye that I need to wash out. So good. I guess I was lucky I still just had some hair in there. And so when your brother got hold of the other girl,

what was he telling her to say? Well, basically just had to tell her that he couldn't be with her anymore he was actually his ex-girlfriend before he had this and so did they patch it up in the end yeah yeah all these years later they're still together and you're here now what color is that it's the top bits of blonde in it now i do get professionals to do that. Yeah, no, fair enough. Hey, this was such a great call. We appreciate it. Nice talking to you.

Yeah, you too. Thanks, Debs. Janet, you're on. When you should have left it to the professionals, Janet. Oh, in fairness, it wasn't me. It was my ex-husband. He decided that he would teach his teenage son to change brake pads in my car Oh, okay, how old was your son here?

14 at the time See, I'm 42 and I'm still leaving the brake pad changing to the pros Yeah, that would have been smart He supervised really, really well until the jack went down Forgot to tell the son, tighten the wheel nuts after the jack's down fast forward two hours i'm driving to town two little babies in the car and i hear this ping ping ping and i think what's that oh shit it's my hubcap oh no the wheel goes flying past my car rolling down the road. Oh, jeez. Wow. And smashes into a BMW parked at a nice car show. Oh, God.

And is there a reason why your ex is your ex? Many, many reasons. But that was just one of them. Wait, that was the wheel off your car? That was the wheel off my car. The road had just been resurfaced. There was this beautiful gouge down the road. I was going to say, what happens when you're driving on three wheels?

Does the car dip? It did slightly. So it was the back driver's wheel, and it did slightly. It was a big Isuzu Bighorn four-wheel drive, you know? And it was just scraping along the road with sparks. Oh, my God. Yeah, yeah. It was quite a sight.

Yeah, that's not something for a 14 year old to work on i don't think no even supervised feels like yeah when it comes to brakes too