Jono, Ben & Megan - The Podcast - The Burner Phone 21: What If Ben Was A Hit Man??

Episode Date: May 16, 2023

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The Hits with Jono and Ben's Burner Phone storming up the podcast charts, and we just take your word for it. Because it's good. Sometimes in marketing, you say things. That's what I know. I mean, your wife's in marketing, so she probably knows more than, well, she would know more than me, but just say it. And sometimes people, they believe it. It'll happen. I know, but I think there are rules and regulations around marketing. You can't just say stuff.

Every show's number one. Every radio station's number one. You can't just say stuff. Because that's my thing with products. So New Zealand's number one salsa. And I'm like, well, who's fact-checking on the salsa charts? Or New Zealand's number one dishwashing detergent. I'm not going to do any further research.

I'll just take your word for it. The first radio show that I ever did, Radio Sport, on a Sunday night, after the first ratings came out, I was was like i need to find being number one and jeez we went deep we made a promo too it was like new zealand's number one show on a sunday night between the hours of nine and ten for males who are tradesmen between the eight like we had to go deep between the ages of really specific i think it was like one person out of the whole thing was listening and that sort of demograph it was like a tradesman between the eight like we had to go deep between the ages of really specific i think it was like one person out of the whole thing was listening and that sort of demograph it was like a tradesman between the ages of 38 and 39 that was yes but anyway we're like and it was like that's right number one and that's and that's the good thing about research in the internet if you dig

deep enough you can find something to make yourself feel good it'll be number one show asterix anyway this is to be honest i'm looking at the podcast charts, and I just said, if you dig deep enough, you can find something to make you happy. Top 200, nothing's making me happy. Well, we appreciate you listening to it. Tell your friends about it, and you can leave a message on our burner phone with Claire one a day, and let's get today's message. Yesterday at 2.04 p.m.

Yeah, hey guys. The job's done. You can wire me the $200,000 cash. Account that I gave you. Alright? See ya. Message saved. Job's done.

You finished your deck if you needed to. A $200,000 deck? Yeah. How big is this deck? It was definitely a $200,000 deck. We weren't paying for anything illegal. It was all just above board. Job's done.

Job's done. If you had to do a job, like a hit job. I'd be no good at it. You know, I'd be no. Yeah. Well, okay, so maybe I'm your person you're hunting down. I owed some money to the people you're working for. Okay, I answer the door.

Knock on the door. Oh, g'day, mate. Who are you? What's the door Oh g'day mate How are you? What's your name? G'day mate My name's Ben Oh hey Ben Nice to meet you

Nice to meet you Is that your real name? Yeah look Can I level with you? I want to be honest with you I don't like dishonesty Hey I've been hired By some pretty bad people

To come here today To do some pretty bad stuff To you To me? To you mate Yeah they don't like you I'm a nice guy though Well apparently

They don't think you are I'm sure you are I think you're a nice guy You look like a nice guy What were you to you. To me? To you, mate. Yeah, they don't like it. I'm a nice guy, though. Oh, apparently they don't think you are. I'm sure you are. I think you're a nice guy. You look like a nice guy. What were you planning on doing to me? Oh, look, to be honest, I hadn't thought about that. It's sort of, again,

I've got quite a bad conscience. I don't really know what I was going to do. So what, here, look, I'll put it this way. They're paying me a lot of money. How about I give you some of that money? You go away, mate. We never hear from you again.

But you spend that money. You live your life. Where do you want to go in the world? Thames? Can I go to Thames? Yeah, great. You could. Think a bit further than that,

just because they're in New Zealand. Yeah. I quite like this, Lee. Oh, hey, there you go. I'll give you some money. I'll give you half the money. You go overseas. Just change your name. Surely this is going to... You're a hit man, are you? Yeah. Surely'll give you half the money. You go overseas. Just change your name.

But surely this is going to, you're a hit man, are you? Yeah, yeah. Surely this is going to be bad for your bottom line. You can't give away your income. Oh, look, hey, they're paying me a lot of money to do what I don't want to do. So you go away. I'll still take half the money. Can I ask another question?

Yeah, sure. Are you a hit man? Yeah. Have you actually done a hit on anyone? No, it was a mix-up, mate. They were looking for a hit man. They got the hits man. I'm from the hits radio station.

But this just pays really well. I just don't like the icky, gory stuff. Yeah. I was like, well, how much? It's more than I get on radio. So, yeah. So I was like, well, hey, I'll do that job for you. And none the wiser.

Here we are. Here we are here right now. So you just pay. You just give people half your earnings to go and fly overseas. It's a lot of money, mate. You go fly overseas. You have a great life. I have a great life, I'll go back there. Win-win.

The job's done. So there you go. And scene. There we go. If you want to leave a message on our burner phone, you can do so. You never know where we're going to end up. That was a bit of role play, wasn't it? It was a bit of role play.

I was going to ask you another question. Okay, yeah. What jobs have you got that you need to do around the house that you just haven't done? Oh, look, I'll be starting a book. A to-do list? Yeah, yeah. I've gone back. Because I keep writing on my phone.

I've got those. And then my computer as well. And then the email's been cut. So now I've got lists and lists and stuff as well of stuff that I need to. Yeah, so every time Aaron talks to me in the family, I'm like a mad person going in the corner scribbling down some stuff as well.

What's on your list at the moment? Let's read through there. Oh, look, there's all sorts of stuff. Yesterday, we need to get back. There's school emails and the family. I'm like a mad person going in the corner, scribbling down some stuff as well. What's on your list at the moment? Let's read through there. There's all sorts of stuff. Yesterday, we need to get back. There's school emails for the kids. Supermarket shop, that's overdue. I haven't done that for a couple of days as well. There's people I need to email.

There's some jobs. There's a lot of boring stuff, but there's stuff in there that I need to do. I love clearing it off the list. I know you do. He loves his list. Nothing gives me more satisfaction than just scrubbing a lot through it. So the hit job on

Jono, I can put that in and scribble it out. They won't see him again. It's all done. My thing is too, and I've taken a leaf out of your book. You're like, you're not handy. I'm not handy. I've pretended that I am handy, but I'm not. So now I've got to the point where I'm like,

why don't you just get a professional to do it for you? They're always going to do a better job. Yeah. If anything's wrong with it, you don't have to deal with it, you know? Yeah. There's a shed that I needed to put up. Oh, yeah. I'm like, there's a part of me going, you can do this.

And I'm like, no. No, you can't. It's going to end up in a shambles. And then Jim and my wife's going to be like, I knew you couldn't do it. And it's just going to sit there like leaning at the leaning tower of Pisa. So I'm getting a person to put it up for me. Oh, that's great.

I mean, it costs you. It does cost you. And if you're good at that stuff, we've got mates that are really good at that stuff. Our friend loves just putting, he'll come over and put kit set stuff together for you. It's like you've got a tramp, you've got a basketball,

it's like whatever it is, he wants to put it together. I'm like, don't. I'd love to buy the one in the store. They're like, it's a bit damaged. It's been on the floor. I'm like, I don'd love to buy the one in the store they're like it's already it's a bit damaged it's been on the floor i'm like okay it's already made up i'll take it on just don't tell the wife save me from putting the thing together i put my only win in that world is my wife jennifer and me we put together a bed with hydraulics hydraulic hydraulic bed if you got a hydraulic bed it needs hydraulics What's the stuff

Anyway don't get into that No actually it's just got a thing Where you can store sheets under it But you lift it up Ah yeah That's handy That's quite heavy When you've got the mattress on it

So it's got hydraulics I had to put hydraulics in Jesus Hydraulic bed sounds good Sounds like something in Fast and Furious It does And it's like What is happening on top of that bed that you require hydraulics?

Suspension? A little bit of a quarter mile at a time. A hydraulic bed. This has been fun. Fast and Furious is also your love life as well. It doesn't require any suspension or hydraulic. If you want a message for the Burner Phone, please feel free to give us a call. If you want to join the Burner Phone podcast, text BURNERPHONE to 4487

and we'll send you our digits. You could be on tomorrow's episode.