Jono, Ben & Megan - The Podcast - The Burner Phone 80: Ben's Commentary Dream

Episode Date: September 4, 2023

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The Hits with Jono and Ben's Burner Phone Co-commentator bed boys Oh yeah You tried your dab hand At commentary didn't you Back in the day Back in the day yeah It was local Well radio For red and black Sports radio Which doesn't exist anymore But that was RIP red and black

Sports radio And also You know I think CTV And stuff like that Canterbury television Was doing some stuff For a while

I'll tell you one of the Because I did some commentary For rugby And things like that and you know I'd normally come along and even if you're doing schoolboy rugby or crusaders games or whatever it is you come along prepared you know

so you know the players and you knew a little bit about them and you go around and ask so I like to be across that sort of stuff but I remember doing a hockey broadcast in Christchurch and I was just the person that day to do the

hey welcome along it's great to be here here's the game between the two things not really needing to know any of the details and I was just the person that day to do the, hey, welcome along. It's great to be here. Here's the game between the two things. Not really needing to know any of the details and we'll throw you over to our commentary team who'll take you through the game. And then I was going to come back at halftime, go, well, that's been a great start.

Two one up. We'll catch you after the break at the end. So three little things throughout the game. I remember doing that and they were like, oh no, the commentators haven't shown up. I'm like, what does that mean? This was like moments before. That means you're going to have to not just welcome everyone along.

You're going to have to start commentating the hockey game. Oh, no. And I was like, oh, okay. But do I have time to talk to anyone about who the players? No, you don't. You are raw dogging it. You are like, we are going. We're like, what?

Why haven't the commentators? I don't know. Eventually, they turned up about 25 minutes into the first half. But the first half, just, look, the guy that looks like, you know, like I'd have to give the names of people they look with. Again, probably didn't stack up for any, you know, like you just go, well, that guy looks like the guy from the ladder commercial. So that's cool.

You know, I had no idea. You just made up names. I didn't know their names. It was shocking. And no one to talk, no one to bounce off. It was a low blow. It was just like a guy who knew nothing about hockey, commentating hockey, and knew none of the players.

It was a shocking piece of television. Oh, my God. So that was a low point in my commentary career. But it was actually, in hindsight, it was quite fun. Halfway through, you're like, well, I don't know anyone, so I'll just have a laugh. well i'm gonna what i'm gonna do is i'm gonna give you some sporting footage to see your on the spot commentary oh god and you have to i always get too excited that's the thing i always get like oh oh you know like and

yeah i'm gonna i'm gonna bring it up on the screen. Okay. And this is the... Okay, what are they doing here? I'm going to take you to the Olympics. This is the 100-meter race. Oh, 200 meters. But I don't know the names. Again, I don't know the names. This is how good you are, though.

You can pull it off. Okay. No, I'm not good at all. Okay. What Olympics are we at? We're looking at... It's the most exciting 100-meter races in Olympics history, it says. Okay, we don't know exactly, but the athletes are here.

Welcome along, everyone. Shaky start, but now he's in. Oh, we're underway. Geez, they've gone off to a fast start. Looking pretty quick. The lane three is out. She's out in front. Is she going to take it out?

I think so. No, the one on the inside actually did. Why was the camera, shocking camera work on that. it looked like she was taking it out in lane three first call i first rule of commentary don't throw the camera right on us lane three looked like she was way ahead and then all of a sudden well there's someone they didn't even show on the camera angle like i'd like yeah anyway that shit um i don't think that's what the race callers would have seen that was the right that was terrible all right a bad commentator blames his camera operators. No, you did well there.

No, I didn't. But your excitement levels are good. I do get excited. I do. Well, that adds to the atmosphere. I do need to just calm down a little bit, you know? Yeah, that was Ben Boyce commentating the 100-meter race. Okay, I'll do some commentary out here of people we can see in the foyer.

Okay. Okay, there goes Tom. He's got a coffee in his hand. He's just had a bit of a three-person meeting there. He's waiting for the lift to go up. And Tom, off with his mauve shirt, is into the lift. That's great. It's a textbook entry from Tom, too.

You know, he thought about which lift he was going to go on. Chose the one on the right. It was the right call. No one else in there. Straight in there. Doors closed. Didn't have to hold them open for anyone. That's great stuff. I was adding some color comments. Yeah, that's good. What I straight in there, doors closed, didn't have to hold them open for anyone. That's great stuff.

So I was adding some colour comments. Yeah, that's good. What I like about that too is the timing. Impeccable. Yeah. Pushing of the button, the lift doors open immediately. No waiting round. He's all business.

He's all go today, Tom. He'll get on with his day. Next, we have someone else coming up to the lift now. Now, this is a gentleman with a black shirt. He's got a swipe card. And he's, again, wandered straight into a lift, pushed the button, and he is gone. But I'm worried. He was on the phone, too, as he went in.

Sometimes the coverage can get a little bit shaky. He's taken a big risk there, going into the lift, still mid-conversation. But we'll see how that works out for him. Now we're left with one person in the foyer. It's a lady who has got a wonderful puffer jacket on. She's got a handbag satchel wrapped around her diagonally. She's looking around, looking a little lost, Ben Boyce,

would you say? She does seem confused right now, looking at her phone. Now, I don't know if it's a tactic just to stop people from coming up to talk to her. No, she's moving through to reception now. She's asking, is anyone by this name in the building? A bit of confusion from the NZME receptionists there, I can see. They're having a conversation.

She steps back. Back again. She's walking away. Oh no, I've got the right place. I'll wait over here on the couch. Takes the seats. Happy days. Big smile on her face. She's happy about that one. And that's how you get your way into an appointment in this building. So that was fun. That was fun. I'll tell you, I saw a very funny video

the other day too that people had done. Similar to that, they had microphones, but they obviously planted like a speaker, like a portable speaker. And then they were sort of giving sound effects of people as they were sort of, there was a guy like doing press-ups and they were going, as he was going up and down like a creaky bed. And he was sort of looking around like, what's going on? That's very good.

And every time we'd go down, he'd sort of, and like people walking down the stairs and, you know, I think, I was like, that's quite smart. You'd obviously got to be stairs. And I think, I was like, that's quite smart. You've obviously got to be good at sound effects, but I was like, that's a fun little game. I wonder if we could do that here. We just put the speaker out there, and we're in the studio, and we commentate people who are in the foyer.

Oh, yeah, everyday commentary. You're like, oh, look, it's a great striding across the foyer area is this person in the pub. And they'll be like, well, that's me. Yeah, okay, we'll do that. Let's definitely not forget that. We probably will, but someone will, that's me. Yeah, okay, we'll do that. Let's definitely not forget that. We probably will, but someone will remind us.

So you can do that on the Burda Fund. You can leave us a message. Are we padding because we don't have a message? No, we just got into a commentary hole. Yeah, here's today's phone message. Hey, Jono. Hey, Dan. It's Tanya from New Plymouth. Our mate Tanya.

So now I'm cooking some salmon. So my question for you both is garlic or no garlic? Lemon or no lemon? And dill or no dill? Just ask me that. Is this for the salmon? Salmon, yeah. Garlic or no garlic? Lemon or no lemon?

Or dill or no dill. Is dill that lovely white creamy sauce? Yeah. Or is dill the garnish that you put on top? Dill, yeah. I think dill's like a green plant, isn't it? Yeah, I'm not too on the dill. I made a lovely salmon the other day.

It was like a soy sauce, honey, brown, sugary sort of thing over the top of the salmon, baked out in the oven. It was actually really good. I got it for some cookbook and put it in tinfoil. Bloody good. Salmon is delicious. Bloody good. Everyone was like, oh, this is so good.

To be honest, I didn't do much. I just kind of mixed together this thing and put it over the top in the oven and did the rest. But I was like, oh, it's so good. I was like, oh, thank you. Don't give all the credit to the oven, mate. You lot the cookbook the oven didn't pick the cookbook up you know you were doing it felt like i was getting whisks and doing all sorts of stuff i just like mix this thing together from a cookbook put it in the oven and it was yeah it was great it was like a little

marinade a few years ago our friend jerry jeremy yeah uh not jeremy wells who's also to have him over for dinner any day of the week jeremy wells but but our friend Jeremy Laurie, who's a sound operator, was a sound operator in the TV industry. Now a producer. Yeah. He, was he producing shows like The Traders? Oh, yeah, Traders, yeah.

That sort of thing? Yeah, Paul Henry show, yeah. He prides himself on his Beef Wellington. He's like, I shall come to your house and I will make you and your family a Beef Wellington. Did he? He did.

Oh, did he? He turned up with the pastry, the meat, the meat. Like, it's a complicated dish to come over and make. The only time I even know about Beef Wellington is on every Gordon Ramsay show. He's always like, the Beef Wellington as well. You know, like, he gets...

It's essentially a big hunk of meat wrapped in pastry. Kind of like a pie, but with solid meat, right? Yeah. Yeah. It was delicious. I was just like, halfway, but with solid meat, right? Yeah. Yeah. It was delicious. I was just like, halfway through, I was like, this is the most awkward dish to come to someone else's kitchen. Playing off home, you know, away game.

Yeah. It's a foreign kitchen. He's come around and cooked it. Yeah. It's high risk, high reward, but it's paid off for him. Jeremy Laurie. There we go. But yes, to answer Tanya's question, lemon, definitely.

Yeah. Do what? It is the green. You're right question, lemon, definitely. Yeah, dill, it is the green. You're right, it's the green. Yeah. Any prior my mum makes a lovely sort of sauce that you drizzle over fish, which I think has dill in it. So I'd say, yeah, dill.

Chuck it all on. Garlic, lemon, dill. You can't really go wrong in that situation, can you? So no, I think you do. Sex up that salmon with some flavours. It's quite good, a baked salmon, isn't it? What's your signature dish? If you were going to come to my house and make it your beef Wellington,

what would you do? Well, now I think of the salmon, it was quite good. A lot of the time I'm just like, I probably cook probably nine times out of ten at home, but it's probably not, you know, during the week, you're not making beef Wellingtons during the week. It's a very complicated midweek dish. I'm making like fish tacos and things like that,

but it's not like high, you know, it's just like, all right. We're not going gourmet, kids. Yeah, well, like, it's nice that but it's not like high eat you know it's just like alright we're not going gourmet kids yeah well like it's nice but it's not yeah we're not

that's the thing I find if it's too much they add another thing to your plate and you're cooking I enjoy cooking but if you're cooking for two hours

and you haven't got the time to it you've got other stuff on your you're like oh this is there are your Monday to Thursday

meals aren't there yeah we made sushi last night first time we made sushi at home how did that go it was actually good but the problem was and i was going to talk about this on the radio yes uh tomorrow was because my daughter had made at school she'd learned from a japanese teacher it was cool but then we started i got what i thought was all the ingredients that

she needed and then she's like oh we need the bamboo roll i was like so and so all these things i had to go out and get now we own own the bamboo rolls and we own the things that, but all these things I was like, well. I could just go to St. Pierre's. I was like, I could just go. I went to the supermarket that was opposite St. Pierre's, the sushi place. I was like, I could just go there and the sushi would be,

I was like, no, I had to make a run to the supermarket. I came back and I was like, oh, the avocados that we're going to use, they're not quite right. I'm like, oh, so we're going back to supermarkets. It was two trips back to do, and they were really good. It was actually really good. The hardest thing with the sushi I found was the end rolls. You'd roll it up quite tightly, but the ones you cut at the end

kind of fell apart, but the ones in the middle were quite compact and good. Well, from what I know about the sushi shop next door here at work, that guy's in here at four every morning, sushi-ing hard. Yeah. Like, it's not just a whip it out, let's get this done. Now we're set up for sushi. Now we've got all the things.

I can make sushi. It's still as easy as just going to St. Pete's. I can, you know. It's not actually too, you know, like too much. But yeah, but I'm right. Now we're set up. But I'm like, we weren't set up for it. I thought we were. We weren't set up for it.

All right, well, that's the Burner Phone for today. You go and have yourself a wonderful Tuesday. We'll catch you back tomorrow. If you want to join the Burner Phone podcast, text BURNERPHONE to 4487 and we'll send you our digits. You could be on tomorrow's episode.