Jono, Ben & Megan - The Podcast - The Dear Megan Dilemmas Collection

Episode Date: October 8, 2026

From relationship secrets to wedding drama, this episode is packed with some of the biggest Dear Megan dilemmas yet. (00:00) Should you know how much your partner earns after seven years together? (08:30) What happens when a best friend's cheating ex becomes mates with your husband?  (25:35) A secret smoker hiding cigarettes from his wife...  (33:45) A bridesmaid with pink hair causing wedding tension. (41:45) Arguments over relationship anniversaries. (49:00) A husband is struggling after his wife undergoes a dramatic makeover.    Join the Itty Bitty Hitty Committee HERE!Instagram:  @THEHITSBREAKFASTFacebook: The Hits Breakfast with Jono, Ben & MeganSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

The Jono Ben and Megan podcast, thanks to Dilma. Goodness really does taste great. Dilma, making the world a better tea. But remember, spring is always spicy. Yeah, she's been spicy. Sometimes we get some snow. It's a while before we get the good weather consistently. Today's, dear Megan.

It's interesting. I don't know where I sit on this, so we will need your help for sure. It reads, Dear Megan, is this weird? Me and my partner have been together for seven years. We live together, but we aren't married, but I have no idea how much money he earns. I talk about my salary, and I've asked him how much he makes,

but he just says he doesn't think it's classy to talk about how much you earn. Does anyone else not know how much their partner earns? Like, should I be pushing it or leave it alone? Ooh, he's either on 40,000 a year or 4 million a year. There's going to be no middle ground. For like seven years. That's a long time.

Yeah, like I understand at the start of the relationship, then maybe those are things that you don't need to say. But yeah, they've been together. Have they moved in together? Yes, we live together, yep. And I guess they're splitting bills and doing things like that, right? Do we know what she's on? Not to pry too much into their financial.

No, we don't. Whether he would be worried to say that he's on less or more. Sometimes that could be a blow to people's egos, can't it? True, that's right. Yeah. Yeah, he might be a gang a lot of life. I initially went to a negative thing, but he could say he's earning a lot of money. Maybe he doesn't want her to think different of him in any way, like if it's more or less.

He doesn't want her to think that he's like a big shot or he's... A small shot, yeah, a small shot and embarrassed by that stuff. Yeah. Yeah. For you, what year do you think you need to disclose how much you earning? It'd be interesting to know. Yeah three. Would you say when you moved in together,

that would be something that probably would show signs that I would think a lot of times where you start sharing the bills and stuff like that? Surely you're going to get a gauge, surely, of like, if he's ever looking at price tags and shops, or if he's like, oh, I'll get dinner. You know, like you're going to get a vibe

of whether he's got a lot of money or not. Do you reckon he wants his own money for his own things? Or is it, am I reading too much into this? yeah but that's fine like you can still tell yeah yeah but he's like oh you know I don't want to be with someone like that do you want to be with someone who thinks you're a gold digger

do you want to be with someone like that do you want to be with something like and thought I thought too much about it like I'm a prolific shopper and if he was like I want to be with you then Megan yeah I'm not telling her how much I earn because she'll bloody spend it all well then I don't want to be with him yeah right because you want to spend his money you want to go shopping I just don't want him to think negative

yeah no fair enough when I first started out in our relationship Jen was my boss so huge imbalance of power might I say you know huge imbalance of power anyway I feel so she would know what you earned

she did she knew she's paid me seven hundred dollars a year and she's still stuck with it you know to her credit so when did Amanda find out for you I don't know if it was a general sit down probably early on when we

yeah we moved in together I guess we were probably yeah when splitting the bills I don't think it was seven years is a long time though yeah I went through a divorce so I had like literally no money and then I I changed jobs very early in our relationship.

So I feel like I was talking about just money. But how do you talk about your job and you tell your partner everything? And the relationship going forward maybe. But I don't know, maybe that's fine. Now, 4487 on the text, oh, 100 the hits. Is this weird? Is it red flags? I find it weird, but I don't know if it's a red flag.

Okay, okay. Do you not disclose your salary or your income to your partner? Have you got separate bank accounts? Are you in this sort of setup? Does it work for you? What would be the reason he's hiding it? What advice should we reply with on today's Dear Megan? John O'Benn and Megan.

The podcast. The hits. In the middle of today's Dear Megan. It's an interesting one about a salary not being disclosed. So, dear Megan, if you've just joined us, someone slides into my DMs with a conundrum. And we also put it on Facebook, if you want to have your say there.

I can tell you 100% of people on Facebook, think this is weird. So it says me and my partner have been together for seven years. We live together. We aren't married. But I have no idea how much money he earns. She asks him and he says he doesn't think it's classy to talk about money. So she wants to know, is this strange? Should she be pushing it or leaving it alone? Now you say 100% people on Facebook say this is weird, but on the text machine this morning, quite a different story, really? Yeah. Why doesn't she tell me why are you hesitant about sharing that information with me? Because he might have a legitimate reason.

Right, yeah. Yeah, I don't necessarily think it's a red flag, but I would like to know the reason why. Someone's saying it's a red flag that she keeps asking about the salary. Well, no, because it becomes less about the money and more about, you know, you're hiding something from me. Okay, okay. Nika, you are on the radio.

Happy New Year. Happy New Year, same. Show catchphrase. Nika, thank you for sharing your thoughts and opinions on this. What do you think? I've been together for six years he knows how much I make because I've talked about it

but I've never thought to ask him what he makes his because I don't think it really matters like he still pays bills and all that kind of stuff Okay So I guess you'd have a general idea I guess in some ways

But you don't want to know exactly Well I don't think it makes much difference Really Okay Interesting how do you do the bills How do you approach that part of life We've got a shared account For things

So any bills just go into one shared account Yeah, right. Yeah. Because some people do a percentage, you know, like so it's fair. So if one person earns more than the other, they do a percentage and calculate it that way and put it into the shared account. What if he's like... A millionaire. Yeah.

A super high roller. Do you think he's a millionaire? You can be married to Elon Musk. Yeah, I wouldn't know. That would be good. Do you have an idea? Like, does he, like, rock around in a Bentley or something? Do you know what I'm saying?

Do you have an idea if he's like earning quite a bit or not? No, I mean, there's no shape, but you drive the Ford Ranger. I don't know. That's what that's a nice. It's pretty nice. She's really very aggressive on the roads, the old Ford Rangers. Hey, thanks for your call. Really do appreciate it.

That's interesting. She is Paul. What do you think on this scenario? I actually think it's a huge red flag that she keeps asking. Oh, so you agree with the texas as well. You think that she should butt out of it, basically? Yeah, for sure He obviously doesn't want to disclose that

And for me, I've been married for 20 years Be with my wife for 28 I don't know what my wife is And I don't ask Wow I have an idea But I mean, I don't care I mean, it doesn't matter

Yeah That's fair call, Paul Fair call, Paul It's just like when it comes to like Calculating your budgets and stuff And when it comes to like, I don't know Barring a house You just find out

Well you didn't fall in love at the bank account. Is that what Paul's saying? Lisa, good morning to you. Good morning. How are you? Yeah, we're doing well. You're with someone and he doesn't tell you how much he earns. Are you scared? Are you worried? I am. First off, like, what kind of future does

she want with this guy? If she wants marriage, you've got to know, right? How on earth are you going to build your future and plan for your future together? Yeah, I tend to agree. We've had very different answers, haven't we? It would have been great if you agreed with the other two because then we would have had a clean sweep. I don't. I don't know what to say now.

Back to this question. I just don't know why you would not talk, just end up talking about it. It's not that I need to know. It's just she'll share everything with your partner. And then I agree with Lisa like, shut up, Ben. Building your future with houses and budgets and a wedding. Yeah.

Yeah. I don't think he's ever going to marry her. So, I mean, the question for her is, does she want marriage? And if yes, then it's not with this guy. But also, when they break up, they're in a de facto, so she gets half anyway. Yeah, true. That's very good point. Okay.

What are we going to go back with, Megan? I don't know. And that was Dear Megan. John O'Ben and Megan. The podcast. The Hats. Dear Megan. Selfishly speaking.

That's true. And someone unselfishly is sharing their personal details with you, Megan and Dear Megan. Yes. A lot coming through at the moment. And this one is about someone else's marriage. You can slide into Megan's DMs with your issues. Yeah, about anything. It can be trivial.

It can be serious. Whatever we will not. past judgment, but we will try and give you advice. We have clarified non-medical, a non-medical. We won't offer medical advice. It went bad, we lost a few good listeners. Okay, so this one reads, Dear Megan, my best friend is going through a horrible divorce

after discovering her husband had been cheating. The trouble is my husband became really good friends with her ex. They catch up all the time, and my husband says he's a really good mate. My friend hates it, and I do too. He cheated on my best friend. and destroyed their marriage for God's sake. When my husband goes out with him,

it feels like he's supporting someone who betrayed my best friend. He kind of is. He insists their marriage problems have nothing to do with him, and he can separate the person from what happened. But I just think his loyalty should lie with me, and my bestie is that unreasonable. I'm so messy. Yeah.

Yeah, it is. I know you were just saying during the song that you're kind of using a personal example if this was your best friend and she had been cheated on and Andrew, your husband had become friends with him, that you would expect Andrew to... Andrew would drop him because... But I think there's an important parameter there

is that we were friends with my best friend, Ellie, first. You know? So if Ali cheated on him? Well, no, because we were friends with her first. So you just stay with the person you were friends with first. That's what you're saying, okay? Yeah. In any case, in any scenario,

Kind of, because they're your OG, you know, like I support, I'd support her through anything. But he's got a good guy to go to the pub with, he's got good banter, yeah, he's made a couple of, he's got a bit handsy, obviously, in the past. But he's a good guy. I would support her with her choice. So if he's a good guy who's made a mistake, it's her choice whether she wants to get back with him, right? And if she does that, I will support her and I will be kind to him. But if she chooses not to, and, you know, like she's not getting back to. together, then it's my, I have to support her and I have to let him go.

Yeah, but you're not your husband. Your husband wants to be mates with this guy. I know, but she was in our life first. So they can't have like little catch-ups, you're thinking? No, that's it. What if they have an affair on their, like a friendship affair that no one knows that they're catching up? Then that no harm, no foul. That just feels really, it does feel like a betrayal.

Okay. She's my best free ride. Wait to take the wind out of my sails? She's my. She's my best friend, so inadvertently she does things for our family. Yeah, that's what we say. Yeah, okay. So, like, that is a betrayal.

Okay. I know I'm just playing the other side of the coin here, but I probably agree with you. You've got to stay loyal to, I guess, the first person that you met or knew heading into it. What if she was cool with it, the one who was sort of cheated on? Would you feel differently? She was like, I can do whatever. They can be mates. I don't care.

Yes. You feel differently? I would. Okay, right. Because she's given it her blessing. Okay, gotcha. In this instance, it hasn't happened. I don't want to hang out with him, but if Andrew wanted to, that's fine.

I'd probably have a few snide digs here. I mean, it's a fair call to say, you know, their marriage is, that wasn't his. He has nothing to do with their marriage, too. But you don't go to a housefire with your marshmallows and start warming up marshmallows either, do you? There's a disaster over there you've had nothing to do with. In theory, it's all unicorns and rainbows to be like, it's their marriage, it's no one else. That's BS. Because when someone gets divorced, everyone takes divorce.

everyone takes aside. It's just natural. Okay, I'm 800 of the hits. What would you do if this was you? I'm sure people have been in this scenario. John O'Ben and Megan The podcast. The hits.

Very interesting dear Megan this morning, Megan, to summarize? Yeah, so a woman's best friend is going through a divorce after her husband cheated on her. And inadvertently, her husband has become good friends with the cheating husband. Now they are mates and they still want to hang out.

but the wife and obviously the wife that got cheated on and not cool with it does he have to discard the relationship now because it ended like that I was just wondering could he put on ice for a little bit go hey let's regroup in six months obviously tensions are at an all-time high really an emotional period for you both

we'll catch up with the pub six months later yeah because down the track she might soften and she might be like you can hang out with him I don't want to time heals yeah maybe it does seem like most people on the Facebook page are like, look, your husband's loyalty does not lie with your best friend. If this man hurt you, I would 100% say your husband chooses you without question,

but this man hurt your best friend. Your husband's loyalty doesn't lie with your best friend, yours does, and we don't know the context of the cheating. A lot of people saying if the roles were reversed, if your friend cheated on her husband, would you stop being her friend? You said you'd stay with your friend because you would be loyal to your friend even though she'd made a bad decision

Right? It depends on how the relationship started So if my husband's best friend Got cheated on by his partner I wouldn't be friends with her anymore Because she came in after Okay Love you, Michelle

Sorry Michelle Michelle needed to hear that She needed to hear that Don't cheat on him It's on you Michelle You know the consequences now It's even been broadcast on Nationwide Radio.

All right, let's get the calls. Dan, you're on. What would you do, mate? Just own them. You would? Yeah. Yeah. I had a similar situation.

I grew up with a fella and we were best friends all our life. 31 years. Our parents even went to school together. He cheetahs on his partner who he had a child with. and she had a feeling that something was up,

so she went to stay at her friend's house for one night. And while she was away, he moved this new lady in. No. Yeah, and she came home to this new woman in her house. Oh. Yep. And, yeah, I've completely wiped my hands of him. I totally disagree with what he's done, and I gave him an airfall as well.

Oh, well. I mean, hey. So cowardly. Like, just break up, you know? Just tell someone. She's only way for one night and he moves a new lady in. That's great. One night.

That's quick. He moves quick. He does move quick. Say what you want about that guy. He's productive. He's trash. He deserves better than that. You're right, Megan.

You're right. Is his wife and child okay now, Dan? Yeah, yeah, no, that's fine. Yeah, we're best friends. My daughter and their daughter, netball together and yeah we catch up all the time. Straight up and... You are a good friend.

Straight up and down, bloke, Dan. Spade's a spade. Thank you for your call. Michael, a lot of guys chiming in on this one. What would you do in this scenario? Michael, would you stay friends with a cheetah? With a cheetah? Probably not, no.

It's too hard because, like, with my eke, she found a new fella. I found out a bit of big late. She moved out. He moved in. Was her within weeks? so you don't know how long it's going you don't want to be in that position I'm not really a great forgive and forget but I do remember so

you're not you're not going to get burned twice so don't put yourself in the drama what you're saying Michael yeah yeah like somebody can throw blame around afterwards and things like that but when it comes down to us if we only get one role at this earth why'd be miserable the rest of your life wondering about it's a fair point what was it like when you found out your partner had been having an affair. Geez, talk us through that. Well, you know, it was one of those things was pretty gut-ranging.

You go through all the cycle of emotions and you think that you might be able to get back together or, you know, a bit of counselling or something like that. But when they've already made their commitment to each other and they're going to move on with your life, you've got to find time to move on with yours. Wow. Jesus, man.

Good on you. What a brave guy to get back on that horse, Michael. And thank you for sharing, too, that personal sense. story. Yeah, no. And the funniest part is I ended up with her best friend, two years or three years later down the line. Oh, geez.

Boom! Take that. Yeah. Well, thank you for all your course. Thank you. Yeah, honestly for showing that with us. We appreciate it. And I think it was pretty, yeah, everyone is an agreement on the text.

It's nice to hear from the guys, too. And a lot of the guys are saying, no. John O'Bin and Megan. The podcast. The hats here, Megan. Okay, dokey. Dear Megan is a segment where we. get you to write in with your dilemmas, your situations, they can be trivial, they can be

serious, whatever you like, we'll keep it anonymous and we will give our feedback on what we think you should do in that scenario. One day I'd like you not to keep it anonymous, full names, email addresses. Well, some people do say I don't need it to be anonymous, but I just do it you do it out of respect, out of your moral beliefs. And that's why we love Megan and her belief system. Okay, today it reads, dear Megan, what do you do when you think you have an idea of what your partner stands for and wants in life, and then their views change? My wife wants to homeschool our kids. We have two children, and our eldest has just turned four, so we've restarted the school conversation. Then she dropped the bombshell that she wants to homeschool him. Bombshell. I'm not on board at all.

It sounds like hard work, but aside from that, I worry about the social aspect for him. I think school is such an important part of growing up. She's also never mentioned this before, and we've always talked about when our children would start school. So I don't know where this has come from. We can't seem to agree, though, and I don't know how we're going to resolve it. It feels like in a mum-dad situation or any parenting situation, that you probably both need to be on board. You know, if one's not on board,

then you probably have to stick with the stock standard New Zealand education system. But it sounds like one of them is not on board for that. Yeah, that's the thing. How come that gets to be the default? Just playing devil's advocate. Normally you'd say in that situation, like maybe for a lot of families,

like who wants to do that? But in this case, someone wants to. Like, someone wants to. So that makes it, you know. If COVID taught me anything, homeschooling's a nightmare. And I didn't even do it. Gene, my wife, did the large part of it.

Some people would probably enjoy it and it would probably benefit some people. But maybe their social thing, like they say, like I'm feeling like a little bit isolated. Is that a problem? I think the only way you're going to resolve that is you're going to have to talk to people who were homeschooled. You're going to have to do some digging and some investigating. My friend's kids homeschooled.

Yeah. But again, that situation, they were both on board with it. So it was an easy decision for them to make. I don't know, speaking of COVID, again, again, a lot of people, people, parents decided to homeschool their kids after COVID as well. Does she know what it entails? Like, look into it because I don't think it's easy, and then all of the admin might put her off.

Yeah, it's School Athletics Day in absolute. You're coming first in every event, too. I mean, there are positives. Positives, they're top of the class. You're like, hey, look at me. I only tell my parents would be proud of me for top of the class. there's lots of comments on our Facebook page of people who were homeschooled and who are advocating for it.

Oh, really? It's good, yeah. Well, I guess in some cases, you know, talk about, you know, people like Billy Elish and things like that, but often those things are done because they are so busy with other stuff that they struggle to keep the school going. Well, Taylor Swift and Bieber, they were both homeschooled, but again, had a thriving career, so he probably didn't even need school at the end of the day. But, yeah, 0-800-the-hitch. Should we get some people who have been homeschooled on?

their thoughts and are you in this situation where one wanted to homeschool and the other didn't have you done it as a parent I'd love to hear from me was it harder than you thought or yeah like actually you were like well hey it worked out of right

how do you do your job and homeschool your kid I look at you Megan I was like yeah you could have been homeschool what do you mean what I mean but I mean that's a compliment yeah something like you look like if you told me

I was homeschooled and I'd be like yeah that tracks what versus Nelson and stuff because I'm like giving like only child Or five's or something. Yeah, no, Nelson. John, I was the only child, didn't he? Yeah.

Oh, because I'm a bit of a... Nelson, yeah, sort of happy, yeah. Yeah, right, I got you. Nudity. Yeah, screams comming, home school, still walker. John O'Ben and Megan, the podcast. The hits. All right, we're in the middle of DM, someone slid into Megan's DMs,

which you can do any time of the day or night, although it looks a little unusual if you're DMing her at 3 in the morning. Well, I don't have notifications on, so I don't care when you do it. You won't be alerting her. No. Only DM through business hours, these will be tended to. So this one is a couple who have a four-year-old and they've restarted the school chat. And the husband has discovered that the wife now wants to homeschool their son when he gets to five.

Which they've never discussed before and he is not for it at all. He says it sounds like a lot of admin and he's worried about the socializing aspect of it. There's lots of people on our kids. Facebook page, thank you for your comments, that have been homeschooled. Emily says I was homeschooled my whole life. I'm so grateful for the experiences. I didn't have to experience the social and peer pressure like those at school did. I became very self-motivated and that was a huge asset to getting my assignments done for my degree. That's really cool. Yeah, now she's got a degree which is better than you, John. Jesus, what have I done? You could see that I was homeschooled. Yeah, you were trying to, yeah, the time you said it before, yeah. Oh yeah, that's what I did. I forgot. I had a very short memory.

I thought I was just sitting here, smiling and nodding politely. Now Sue's with us on 0800, the hits. Good to have you on Sue. Okay, so one parent wants to homeschool. The other doesn't. What are you doing, Sue? Well, I just wonder if she's... Oh, good morning.

Good morning. I just wonder if she's having a bit of separation anxiety from the daughter of the child going to school and being away from her for that parent. at a time because she's obviously been a stay-at-home mum before years is that that's

coming into it. Yeah, that's a potential because the letter did say that she was all for school and has obviously had a change her heart. It could be a bit of that and getting back to normality. God, can't relate. Send them off, just get some separation. Maybe that's all you need.

It does create a full-time job for the parent as well. But then if you're not working then maybe that's what you want to put your energy into. Yeah. Each to their own. Lots of people do it.

It's obviously, it obviously works for some kids as well because I know, like I did fine in school but my brother, some people just aren't that way inclined and school was kind of, you know, very much one way. Yeah, that's right. Well, I mean, if it was good enough for Alexander Graham Bell,

have you heard of him? Thomas Edison? Yeah. Two famous high school. Wow. It was a long time ago. Was there schools? they probably didn't have an option

Ryan Gosling apparently mainstream school wasn't for the Goz so yeah he got homeschooled as well so I mean it happens it does happen so in this situation if you got one for one against what are you telling them Megan I mean it just sounds like a lot of work to me

but you're not having to do the work no I just think you should That's the terrible advice From an admin point of you you don't have to do anything Given what everyone's saying on the text machine and on the Facebook page look into it because it

might sway one of you. You might decide actually this is going to be really good for our kid or she might decide no I'd actually don't want to do this. You could try it for like a month or something before school starts especially when they're young. You're not going to do too much when they're young. Yeah that's right. Just dip your toes in. Don't poo-poo it either of you

until you've looked into it deeply. Can you do a half-day school, half-day homeschooling give it a week and go, oh you're definitely sitting in the school. John O'Bin and Megan The podcast. The hats, Dear Megan. All righty, dear Megan, people kindly share their personal issues with Megan, and we savagely open it up for public opinion and debates.

Always anonymously, though, and if you have one, you can slide into our DMs. It can be trivial, it can be serious, whatever is going on in your life that you need help with. Today's Dear Megan reads, I'm good friends with a married couple, and the wife has always said she would never date a smoker, but her husband has secretly smoked throughout, their entire relationship and she has absolutely no clue. He even snorts Listerine and now he's started coming to my house to have showers after smoking so he doesn't smell when he gets home. I'm not stoked

that it's gone this far and now I'm keeping his secret. It just makes me think if he's been hiding this for years, what else is he hiding and does he lie to me? Now I'm at the point of do I tell his wife or end the friendship or is that too extreme? So he doesn't want to be in the middle anymore. He doesn't know how to get out of it. Snorting Listerine is, that is wild. That makes the cigarettes the healthiest part of the story, I would imagine. If you're snorting Listerine, that's like...

Does that actually do anything? No, I don't, yeah. And I always thought, like, it's pretty hard to mask it. Right? Well, apparently not if you're snort Listerine. I guess he's like, he's got a three-step program. has a dart, has a shower at his friend's house, and waterboards himself with Listerine. Seems to have worked well.

How long have been married? I don't know. I don't know, but it sounds like it's been going on a while. You guys have got instinct and intuition. She probably knows. Yeah, I reckon she probably would when she did it down. Surely. But then she's always said she didn't want to marry a smoker.

Maybe she is just not saying anything. Yeah, like, so. Because it would seep into, like, I was a prolific smoker for many years. He absolutely loved it. It was a fairly fun hobby of mine, but then eventually lung cancer turned you off cigarettes. Yeah. But it would seep into his clothes. Yeah.

So he would come home with the musk of... He'd have to wash all the clothes and stuff. Yeah. Unless he goes to his friend's house, smokes butt naked, has a shower, snorts with serene, back in the clothes, and away you go. At that point... He has a smoking outfit. Yeah. At that point, are you like, is this hobby worth it?

Oh, yeah. Like, why are you not being honest about it? And then, because why are you going to all that effort to cover up? Um, so yeah, a lot of people are saying, well, snorting Listerine is pretty hardcore. It sounds like you're hooked. Um, everyone is concerned that he is hiding something else, which is the main reason, I guess the friend is like, well, has you got time to hide anything else with that routine? No, that's taking up a lot of extracurricular time.

It just, it sounds like he's just got himself in way too deep. Yeah. And can't get out. The other side of the argument is a lot of people are saying, look, he can do what he wants. He just needs to be honest with her. Yeah, I'm not like. to do that he should be allowed to. Is it a friendship ender though?

Would you cut ties with this person? I guess that's what we're asking. I mean, I wouldn't want any part of that part of things. I'd be like, I don't know if I end the friendship. I'll be ready to go, hey, you do what you're doing, but I can't have you coming around and lying or being part of this lie, you know? Yeah, that's probably where it gets icky from a friendship point of view.

You're harboring a fugitive. Yeah. And I'd just be like, if she asked me, I'll be honest. Yeah, true. Like, I'm not going to lie to her, I'm not going to harbour you over here anymore. So what are we to know, 4487 on the text? Well, what should he do? It kind of sounds like morally he's at the end of his tether.

So he's at the point of tell the wife or end the friendship. John O'Ben and Megan, the podcast, the hits. People write to me with their dilemma, slide into my DMs. It's always anonymous and we try and help them out. So this one, a guy is friends of the couple. And the woman had always said smoking was a deal breaker for her. her husband has been smoking on this line she's using the friend

he's using the friend to go around to his house have showers, he snorts Listerine and he does everything he can to keep it from the wife and the friend has had enough he doesn't want it on this lie anymore he's like I'm at the point of do I tell his wife or do I end the friendship or is that too extreme Is giving up smoking an option? Has anyone discussed that?

Yeah, true Just yeah I mean Just being honest too Yeah If a relationship can't survive that, then maybe there's not a point being in the relationship. And also, like the friend said, if he's going to that extreme to lie about smoking,

is he an honest person in general? Is he lying about other things? I guess that's why, without speaking to this person, that's why he probably hasn't told his wife, because he's like, if I do this, then she's going to be uncertain about other areas of our relationship, where he might be absolutely fine, but he might not want to open Pandora's box on that one.

Our dear friend, Leif, we should just change this segment to Dear Megan and Leif phones up with a sensible solution. Leif, the calming presence on this radio show. Happy New Year to you. Happy New Year, guys, and thank you for having me. What do you think? Well, I'll say I know a little bit about addictive behavior.

And I will tell you that it's sad that he doesn't trust her to support him. And he doesn't trust her and she doesn't trust him. And honestly, if I was the friend, I'd just say, mate, we just need a break. Like, I care about you, but I care about you enough to tell you to stop coming over here and sort your shit out. Because if he trusts her, then if he really trusts her, then he'll trust to be open with her and be like, I've been struggling with this. And he trusts her to walk him through getting over the smoking or trust her to try and put up with it. But if there's no trust, then, like, imagine the amount of time and energy he is spending, hiding all this from her. Oh, I tell you what?

He's the most showered man in New Zealand. What could he do with all that time? And it's like, all that energy, all that mental energy, trying to hide that from her. Like, he could be just more present in his life if he just, if he even was honest. And then at least she knows, all right, he's going to go out and have a cigarette. And then he's going to swish some listerine around and not have to snort it. like have some trust mate or move on the thing is even if she doesn't

if big if doesn't know he's smoking because we think that she would surely smell it she probably thinks something else is going on like women's intuition she definitely knows that he's doing something yeah I mean the fact is once you start lying and deceiving you're creating a split personality basically you're living two lives

and you never know where the lie is and where the truth is in your life. And if he's learning the lie like this and making it a habit, then lying becomes natural. And that's that point where everything starts to unravel. So honestly, you know, the longer he holds out with this behavior, the harder it's going to be in the end. Leif, he's good. You are so good. What do you do for a job, Leif? I work for the New Zealand Drug Foundation supporting programs for people who are addicted on drugs.

Well, Leif, here we go. Are you a grounded, really smart individual, Leif. We do appreciate your call. And I imagine there's a bit of shame for him too. He would be ashamed that he is to hide stuff and smoke and shower at his friends' house. And he can't just give it up. Yeah, so I imagine there's that as well. So what are you saying to this friend?

Are you saying end the friendship? Tell the wife, what are we doing? Well, I don't think he should tell the wife. I think he should do what Leif said and have a good, honest conversation with the guy. And be like, do you actually want to give up? Because me and your wife could help you, but you need to, you can't come around here anymore, and I think you should be honest. And we've had a text here from an 11-year-old going, Listerine's not for snorting, it's for gargling. Just to clarify.

On behalf of Big Listerine, we want to get that information out there as well. Hey, thanks for your texting calls this morning. Now, dear Megan, might be back next week if someone slides into your DM. John O'Benn and Megan, the podcast. The Hats. Dear Megan. Okay, people slide into my DM. with issues.

It's kind of like cost a living crisis, this is affordable therapy. Isn't it? Yeah. We put everyone's opinions and thoughts

out there on your dilemma and you can choose whether you want to take the advice or not. It's always anonymous so if you've got an issue you can slide into my DMs with it, but today's one reads

Dear Megan, I need to know if I'm in the wrong here. Great, that's what we're here for. I ask my good friend to be my bridesmaid and now we're only three weeks away from the wedding and she has pink hair.

I thought it was just a one-off fun thing, but she's just had it redone. The thing is, when I asked her to be my bridesmaid, she had blonde hair. Now it feels a little mean to ask her to change it back, but I really don't want pink hair in my wedding photos forever. It kind of feels like she's taking all the attention. I feel fine telling you guys this anonymously,

but I don't feel comfortable bringing it up with her. It's definitely not cool, right? I didn't realize hair was such an issue for bridal parties That makes a lot of sense as to why I've never been Never been invited Do you know without a word of a lie I was thinking about this after you told me about it yesterday And many years ago where I had a really regrettable

Dreadlock hairstyle I was part of a bridal party for my friend I remember my friend's wife to be going Hey you gotta keep your hair like this for the wedding And I was like yeah yeah and I had it for many years I was like yeah absolutely this is you know What you did you not see that as a leading question No and now looking back

I was like, oh my eye, I should have got rid of it. But I had had it for many years. It wasn't a change. AI can fix that now in the photos. I was like, oh dear God, she was right. You tied it up though, right? Yeah, I tried to make it tidy, yes, yeah. But also like...

He was a sophisticated weed dealer. You had those when you were asked. Yes, yeah. And for a long time, so they knew what they were getting when they got you. To be honest, I shouldn't have more around. But I can relate to this situation. So, okay, put yourself in that situation. If you were, or you actually listened to what the question was.

Yeah. Would you have removed the dreads for the wedding? Well, but yeah, like if I just, if it was a new, like a new thing afterwards, I feel like that's in this case, maybe this shouldn't be done. You know, like I'm thinking, no, but yeah, I feel like doing a late change, it's changing things. People need to express themselves how they want to express themselves. Not on my way, not on my way. Just have black and white photos, can't tell.

Oh, yeah. Classy, sophisticated black and white. Your AI can do a lot of things. Yeah, you can change the color of her hair in the buddy post-production, mate. What about the video? What about just on the day and everyone's like staring at her instead of staring at the bride and groom?

So we know where you stand. I'm with you, Megan. I'm with you. I don't have any friends that would actually do that. I think that's really rude. Okay, I'll 800 the hits. But I wouldn't tell her either. So you're going to say it's right?

You're going to say it's okay, Jono? Yeah, absolutely. Yeah, and you can fix all the photos and stuff for the back end? No. I mean, honestly, it's a huge deal when you get married. but you know 10, 15 years down the track, it was a blip. You got a blip in your relationship.

Who is that weird guy with dreadlocks? I mean, two years later, you could like get divorce anyway. It happens. It happens. They tell me it happens. But the thing is, you don't wear white to a wedding. You know, there's rules. You don't try and take the shine away from anyone.

Okay. And that's taking the shine away. Do you agree with Megan, 4487 on the text? Or should this woman be allowed to express herself? Is it her choice? Ben and Megan, the podcast. The hits. Ooh, the texting we're flying through for this one.

Dear Megan. Okay, that's quickly recap because we need to get your thoughts. A lot of people have thoughts on this. Okay, so this is from a bride. She asked her good friend to be her bridesmaid, and they're three weeks away from the wedding. She has pink hair. I thought it was just a one-off fun thing,

but she's just had it redone. When I asked her to be my bridesmaid, she's a blonde hair. Now it feels mean to ask her to change it. She kind of feels like she's taking all the attention. And I agree. But not a lot of people. seem to agree on Facebook.

I'm willing to die on this hill, I tell you. I have to spell D-Y-E too. I, yeah. Janine, welcome to you. Happy New Year in Hamilton. Yeah, happy new year to you. All right, Janine, you've got a wedding. One mad dog, one rogue member has dyed their hair pink.

Three weeks out from the wedding, what are you doing? Yeah, I'm making it wear a wig. Oh, you are you? A wig's an option. Yeah. Yeah, but those good quality lace ones, they're quite expensive. You can get her one from Bloody Look Sharp, yeah. Maybe you can bring up the wig and then she realizes it's an issue and she dies it.

This could do too. I mean if she's a good friend, she'll understand. I mean, you've been a good friend and allowing her to say, hey, keep your pink hair. But for my day, you know, I'd like you to wear it. I'd like you to wear an Austin Powers wig from Look Sharp. Yeah, no, that is a solution. What do you think about that one? Megan?

Yeah. No, she's not so. Salt, okay. Leah, what do you reckon? Oh, happy New Year? I reckon the bride's being ridiculous. Oh, okay. Why? I think, you know, I mean, I think when you're up there getting married and the people in your bridal party, it's the people that you

want with you, that you love, that love you, and when you look back you at photos, yeah, sure, there might be some pink here, but when you look back at any photos of any time, you think about the people and who they were to you and their personalities. You're not looking at their follicles. Not just the colour hair they had at that time. And how your good friend took all the attention away with a bright pink hair.

Like with me having blonde hair in the hits photos or around the country at the moment. Yeah, that's right. You had your Beninem period. And we're still dealing with the hangover of that, aren't we? I don't know what colour the bridesmaid dresses. But what if they're like green? They're just going to look like, you know, a wicked billboard. Do you know the other crazy thing?

A lot of people at your wedding, you know, when you move on, you don't even hear from those people now. A lot of people that you invite and things like that. We'll take one more call on this. Alex, good morning to you. Morning. How are you? Welcome to Dear Megan.

Where do you sit on this one, mate? Oh, it's not a very nice thing to do. I had blue hair and I changed my mom's wedding. Thank you, Alex. All right. Was this a conversation that your mum brought up with you? Or was this just you deciding that was the thing you needed to do? No, I'm just a decent person, decided it was a decent thing to do.

Sassy, love this sass. So many people on the Facebook page are saying you need to take her as she is. Yes, but she wasn't born with blonde pink hair. This is winding up, Megan, is it? It is winding me up because no good friend does that to another friend. The better or worse things for your person you're getting married to? No good friend decides to dye their hair pink and be a bridesman at someone's wedding. Come on.

You've got to ask at least. I'm getting married and his injury, and my sister just asked me if she could cut her hair shorter. And I was like, of course, off you go. Okay. I'm going to tell you not to. So do you have, okay, how many months do you have ownership over this person's looks? How do you tell you?

What month was? You've got like a six-month lead in where you get to control. Absolutely. Do you control the weights? No. You have like a weekly weigh-in. Sorry, Patricia, looks like you've added a couple of kegs on this week, mate. Someone else said,

dropping you from the team. My friend asked if she could cut her. here because she knew that the bride was planning up-dews and so she waited. So, okay, so you're thinking that even though you strongly think that they should have asked, you seem to be in the minority. I am in the minority. I'm fine

with that because I think most people are lying anyway. Don't seem fine with it. Don't seem fine with it. No, but do know what I think she should do? Put it on someone else. Get your mum or your mother-in-law to go and be like, do you think that that's a good idea? Okay, thanks so much for your calls and texts. We really appreciate it.

John O'Bin and Megan, the podcast. The Hats. Morning 7.06. Dear Megan. Hello. Okay. It's time for another dear Megan. What, Jono?

What are you doing? You're filing your nails, are you? I can do two things at once. I'm a woman. I can do several things at once. This is the ultimate gossip segment. I know, yeah. A little bit of love, guys.

You'll never get to slid into my deems. Guys, this is a little bit more lighthearted, but in saying that, a couple are having serious arguments about it. So they've come to us for help, okay? It reads, My partner and I have been together for 17 years, but we had a one-year break in the middle. We were together for eight years, broke up for a year, then got back together and have since

been together for another eight years. But we can't agree on how many years we've been together and every anniversary it ends in an argument. I say 17 because that's when our relationship began. My partner says 16 years because we weren't together that one year and he says we can't count it because we were broken up. It sounds trivial, but the argument gets heated, so we need everyone to give us a definitive answer.

What's the rules with the relationship clock? Sounds like he got up to some stuff over that 12-month period. And he just wants it officially to be known that. You know, we were on a break, as they said, on friends. Oh, yeah, okay. He wants to make that clear. I didn't even think about that. Well, yeah, who knows what went on there, but you're right.

I like to speculate. Yeah, you have. But surely, you're not. You're not talking about that. Right? If you're broken up for a year. So what are you thinking? You're thinking it counts as 17 years or not?

That's a long break. Having a year off, yeah. Yeah, I mean, it's like saying you've owned the same car for 17 years, except for that one year you sold it, you know? Yeah, like I was thinking, if I went to the gym for 70 years, but I had a year off, I couldn't feel comfortable claiming. So you'd been to the gym for 16 years? Yeah, I'd say, oh, look, I did, you know.

I don't think you can count that year because it's, you weren't together. Maybe you can't. The other thing, and I know I want to dogleg this, but the thing that causes frustration in our relationship, well, for me, you know, because there was a time you sort of, you got together, I guess, and became sort of, you know, like became a boyfriend, girlfriend, girlfriend situation or whatever you are, you know, like. But there's also, I feel like when you get married, that feels like that's the new anniversary date. But my wife will go back to the, often go, like, it's almost like two and go, oh, this is our special day. And I'm like, that day's gone now, we got married. We're recently. Now we're married. No special days. No, that's become the special day. The other one, I was like, she's like, you missed that day? And I'm like, oh, yeah, but we've got our new special day.

So what your first date date? Oh, our first date, you know, we saw a relationship. Like, when you first kind of, like, boyfriend, girlfriend. You'd probably be celebrating that. We were early on. But now I'm like, well, that's, step aside now. That marriage day's kind of take it over. I always do that to Andrew.

I'm like, oh, it's our first all anniversary day. And he's like, oh, yep. Not anymore. This is what they designed To the wedding anniversary for, you know I don't need two dates I need to like make a big thing of it You could just be like

Oh yeah, it sounds special Oh yeah, you're right Oh yeah, it is a special It is special as the other one Send it tips Yeah, yeah You're right Yeah

Okay But anyway sorry I wait out of that Have these people been dating For 17 or 16 years So you're, what are you saying Megan? I'm saying 16 You can't count that year

Especially when you don't know What he got up to You can't count that year you weren't together so it's 16 yeah i also have a little bit of a problem with like you kind of have to reset it in my mind so technically i'd say eight oh oh well going back oh wow yeah you start again okay oh so all those years previous to that breaker just well like all together you've been they mean nothing to you wow okay four 48 seven on the text how about this person jono ben and megan the podcast that's dear megan okay dokey today's today's

dilemma is from a couple who are having a somewhat trivial argument every year on their anniversary so they were together for, well she says 17 years but they had a one year break in the middle so he says it's 16 because you can't count that one year. She says

it's 17 years because that's when their relationship began. I just don't think you can count that one year in the middle because you don't know what. But then other people were coming through saying eight years now. Well that's what I said. You were apart for a year so the relationship resets.

You ended that first relationship and you've reset the clock right back to zero. So I'm thinking eight years. But, you know, that could be the best outcome for this because they're both wrong. There's no winner. Okay, well, that's...

They're not spending your anniversary arguing. Yeah, yeah. How many years is it? Help me more. Some great texts coming through. What was the smoking analogy that came through from Bill on 4487? Oh, that was like if you were,

basically if you put it in the same situation with smoking, because you've had that sort of break you've stopped smoking you can't really say I've stopped smoking for 16 or 17 years right it'd just be 8 years then that yes yeah you're like your sobriety or you know it has reset it when it comes to smoking

I don't know why it feels slightly different for a relationship or maybe it doesn't Frey and happy new year to you Happy New Year All right chime in on this crazy mathematics Frey and your thoughts Well my opinion yes they've been dating for 16 years However, the current relationship there is only eight years because they stop dating, you know.

And it also really does depend on if they went and seen other people in that year break and all of that, because you can't really continue your relationship and you've gone and seen other people, like technically with the timing, you know what I mean? That's a reset button. That's the old shutdown restart on the computer. New chapter in their life. You are apart for a year. So you're not living together like, you're leading. different lives.

That's a long time. And you've reacquainted. Eight years seems to be a popular one coming through. Rina, welcome. Oh, hello. Good to have you on. Your thoughts on this one. I've got to agree with them because

they have been together for technically 16 years. 17 included if they were still seeing each other. Basically, the relationship had rethoughted and it has to be eight years. Wow.

This is one we did. Megan, you did throw it out there. Yeah. But everyone was like eight years, eight years. Well, you know, a lot of the people, you're right. We've created a whole new argument for them now. But I honestly think this is the best outcome. Okay.

Olivia, let's put a pin in this. What do you reckon? I reckon technically 16 years because they weren't together for that one in the middle. But it could be eight if you look at it the other way. But you can't reset a relationship with a person if you can't reset a relationship with a person. get back together with them. You can't unlearn everything you know about them. Oh, true.

No one's saying 17, really. We've got that out. So it's either 16, if you always say, hey, we've been together for 16 years, but most people seem to be saying eight now. Yeah. So, look, I'm going to have to reply to the wife and say, you're definitively not right.

But a lot of us think neither of you're right, and that's probably the best outcome for, you know, there's no winner. How about as a safety guard, they just say, happy anniversary. Yeah. John O'Benn and Megan The podcast The Hats

And no more bourgin bread It's going to be gone from our shelves What was the Bergen? I never had Bergen It doesn't surprise me To be honest It's healthier Super thick

Super thick Super white Healthier options With grains and seeds and stuff Yeah But I used to buy Burger Yeah it's great

Yeah Obviously not enough Yeah Geez there'll be A certain demographic Not happy about that one Mind you Vogel Excuse me

What demographic Yeah, just play the intro to Dear Megan. Just, dear Megan. There we go, moving on. I say a healthy demographic. That's all. You're not meant by that. Sure.

All right, someone's slitted to your DMs, Megan. Yes, this is from a husband. It reads, Dear Megan, my wife and I have been together for 14 years, and I've always loved her exactly as she was. Neither of us were into fashion or cared too much about appearances, but over the last year or so,

she's had a full-on makeover. She's dyed her hair, super blonde, new teeth, and she's lost weight, and I think she has had injections in her face too. She's so happy and she gets heaps of compliments, but I don't feel the same. I'm not attracted to this new version of her. I look at old photos, and I miss the woman I fell in love with. It's not that she looks bad. Most people would say she looks better, but she just doesn't look like my wife anymore.

What do I do now? She is so confident and happy. I can't tell her I'm not attracted to her anymore. Will it come back? I feel like surely this has happened to someone else now that Ozenpick is a thing. Tough one with someone's looks. I mean, how do you approach that conversation? Darling, you look fantastic.

Thank you. That's the problem. Yeah, because obviously she's, like he says, she's happy. And this is, you know, and she should do what she wants for herself to make herself happy. But it's hard when this. I just, I refuse to believe that it's just her looks. Like maybe her personality has changed or something. You might have had some confidence, a confidence adjustment.

Once you've been with someone for 14 years, it's more than just what they look like, right? Yeah, yeah. She's going to look different when she's a grandma too. You know, you can't say, well, you don't look like the woman I married. True, that's true. Well, yes, time. So he's not saying that she looks worse. She just looks like someone else's wife at the moment.

That's aesthetically. But they do say it's what's inside that counts. I look at all the ridiculous haircuts and bits of pieces of clothing with the choices. one and my wife stuck through me by me through all that stuff the tattoos are a permanent fixture yeah you don't go out anywhere but what it's all the same if like you had some accident or something and you had like or burns to your face or is he going to be like well you don't look like the person i marry and she'll find you sitting in the burns you do yeah like it's it's so much more than just that yeah so what i'm saying is maybe there's something else going on maybe there's something deeper

you might be right maybe her personality has changed So what would you say this guy? He's living with a brand new cast member. And he doesn't know how to approach it. I mean, it doesn't feel like there's too much he can do now anyway. You can't reverse the process, can you? Well, they could go to couples counselling and just be honest, because he's not saying she looks terrible.

Maybe there's a disconnect there now. Yeah, that probably is the way. Yeah, you're right. His brain's just used to seeing one version of this person. Maybe he feels a little bit inadequate. I don't know. Megan, the podcast. The hits.

Dear Megan. Okay, in the middle of Dear Megan, the son comes from a husband, being married 14 years, but his wife has had a dramatic makeover, changed hair colour, new teeth, lost weight. And he's saying he's not attracted

to this new version of her. He misses the way she looked beforehand. Yeah. Some people are saying, is he feeling insecure on the text? someone saying maybe he's getting into self-protect mode. Other people saying he needs to get a grip.

Problem-wise with him. Yeah. That's kind of what I thought, because if he's feeling insecure, he does mention that they were never into fashion. They were never into any of that before. So maybe he feels like he's inadequate or he's going to lose her. But that's definitely a conversation. Like, you need to go to therapy for that.

Yeah. And if you want to join her, go down to the flea markets. Get yourself a knockoff Versacee T-shirt. join the fashion game, baby. I reckon a lot of people would have, you know, might have had these thoughts to themselves about their partners, but none of them are brave enough to say it out loud or have it appear in a radio feature.

And it's cool that she's, you know, obviously she wanted to do this for herself and she's doing this and she feels better for it. Yeah. They have to do it in a way that is not going to destroy the self-confidence, because the reality is if you say to your partner, I'm not attracted to you, you're going to destroy your marriage. You're going to destroy their self-confidence, even if it's not an outright.

They're still always going to be that voice that says you're not good enough this way. And the last thing you want is that to be your significant other. So maybe are you suggesting an emotional reconnection? I am I saw the Facebook post on this and I saw a lot of comments that said it's still the same person

this is very shallow but I say this from experience depending on what kind of changes she's dealing with she may not be the same person she may actually be a very different person and the fashion

comment I am curious Is it a case of she just wants to make themselves look better? Is it a case of she's going out and spending all of their savings buying in fashion to fit in the potential? Very thoughtful. Yeah. Very thoughtful response from you there, Teneida.

I really do appreciate you sharing your wisdom, mate. Thank you so much for joining the show this morning. Patricia, you mad dog. Well, I actually have quite a different view for most people. Okay. I actually feel quite sorry for the guy because I, myself, I never really wear makeup, don't dye my hair, that sort of thing. Like I'm not, I'm quite down to earth, quite into natural things. It doesn't mean I don't like love my friends who are different.

But I think that if I was to come and have a whole bunch of dramatic changes at once, that I would kind of think a lot of my, you know, my husband and my friends would actually be like genuinely a bit concerned for me because, hang on, this is not like her, you know, this is very different. So for me, I'm actually, you know, I'm not blaming the woman, but straight away, I'm thinking, you know, he's fallen in love with someone who, from how I read it, was very down to earth, you know, really happy with who she was. you know she didn't need this or this

this wasn't her that's fine you know if you are that type of person but she wasn't and now she's changed everything all at once you know if it was just one thing you know I'm not against weight loss at all you know that's totally for your health but it seems like a whole bunch of things at once that something's probably going on with her yeah maybe she didn't have confidence now has confidence he's lost some confidence

might come down to that in the end so uh well listen thank you so much for your call Patricia Megan what are we going to go back with I've done couples counselling before and I think it's really helpful because I think there's more going on with him. Maybe he goes to therapy first and then she should join him. I think there's probably insecurities for both of them. Okay. Thank you so much. Loads of feedback on that.

Really do appreciate it.