Jono, Ben & Megan - The Podcast - The Government Already Wrote Your Prenup?! | Itty Bitty Bit

Episode Date: September 16, 2026

Holly Egerton drops a bombshell: if you’ve been together long enough, you may already be playing by a relationship rulebook you never signed. What starts as a chat about prenups quickly has Megan questioning everything.   Join the Itty Bitty Hitty Committee HERE!Instagram:  @THEHITSBREAKFASTFacebook: The Hits Breakfast with Jono, Ben & Megan See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Holly Edgerton is a lawyer and wanting to dispel any misinformation around pre-nups. It's great to have you in the studio, Holly. Thanks for having me. Now, when a lawyer gets in touch with us, we're normally a little bit nervous. But you have got in touch with us because you want to share some information that a lot of people are going to be really interested in. Yeah, I think so. I'm on a mission to sort of change the way that everyone perceives pre-naps. I feel like...

Oh, I'm sorry, Holly. I'll just get slightly close the mic. Sorry, bud. Oh, yeah, the mic's about. You're right, legend. You can lead in, Gambra. Oh, yeah. So, yeah, some really important information.

Yeah, so I'm sort of on a mission to change the way everyone perceives pre-naps. I feel like they have such a negative connotation. Like, everyone hears that word and you think, am I allowed to say gold digger? Yeah, you can say gold. We want breed up. That kind of connotation, or like, I don't trust you. Like, you're after all my money. And it's, I'm trying to make everyone understand,

we all have one. It's just written by the government. And most of us don't actually know what it says. So what do you mean by the government's already got a pre-num? Well, once you've been in a relationship for like approximately three years, and that's whether you're married, like in a de facto or anything like that, you are opted into a set of rules that most of us don't actually like know. So that's sort of deciding what is relationship property, what is separate,

because not everything is separate. And relationship property is essentially what is split, if you say. separate. So we're all opted into this scheme. None of us get a letter saying, hey, by the way, you're like, you're like, you here. Three years. You now. I're in a de facto. Yeah. And so, and then that makes rules about, you know, your income and your savings and your Kiwi saver and your investments and, you know, an inheritance, depending on how you use it, whether that stays separate or whether that ends up in the pot as well. So I'm sort

of trying to get people to understand you have one. Most of us don't know what it says, a pre-nup is just literally you both saying, do we like their rules or do we want to make our own? I see. So what are the government's rules? So if you reach this wonderful three-year period, is it basically split down the middle half and half? Yes and no. You know, it always, as lawyer, it depends. Working in the grey, is that what you guys work in the grey, you know? Is it easy enough to say things you accumulate while in the relationship? Yeah, definitely. So that's a thing and I think that's a lot of people don't necessarily function that way these days. Like a lot of people do say, hey, this is ours, but this is also mine. And people have, like I chat to people

every day and have my whole career where people manage their finances and assets completely different. And like, there's no right way or wrong way. It's just to say, is the way you're doing it actually going to be how it's reflected legally if you do ever break up? So yeah, it's like, Lots of people I've seen have been like, you know, this is my money, that's their money, and we've got our money, but, you know, one might enjoy, you know, more finer things in life and like to go do experiences and other person, you know, might save. And at that end of, let's say, seven years, they break up, they're like, oh, cool, I've got a savings account of 120K or I've got a 150K investment portfolio.

And the other person might be having, like, you know, might have five grand, ten grand saved because they were living life and enjoying the things. And then that person goes, oh, you know, I thought that's mine. I've saved it. It's like, oh, actually, no, that's in the pot and they're going to. Yes. And then the person who's got the 150K is like, damn, I should have gone bungee jumping, done all that fun stuff.

And like, I have been divorced. I'm not choking up. I've got something in a dress. Still quite raw and emotional for it. I've been divorced. And what I didn't realize was you have to split your Kiwi saver. Yes. So my Kiwi saver was larger.

much larger than his. Yeah. And I had to split it. Oh, really? And, like, that sucks because you can't really draw it out. So I have to find half of that in cash. Yeah. To give to my partner.

So, and I haven't actually separated that with my current husband. Can you do a post-n-up? Yes, you can. Okay, great. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

So, have you started a business called Succession? Like, how to see. Yeah. So, yeah, started my own business. I predominantly do actually. wills and enduring powers of attorney. I'm super passionate about relationship property. I've been through my own divorce. Didn't actually quite get over the finish line

of getting married, but still had to go through that process. I was four years in court over it. So even as a lawyer, with all that experience, and knowing how it works, it still took four years to resolve and close to almost 100,000 in legal fees. Even with yourself being a lawyer, too, yeah. And so, why didn't you give yourself a discount? You charge yourself a lot.

So, and that was because you didn't have a pre-up? No, actually. Well, it could have made a difference. But yes, didn't have a pre-nup. And it was just the whole process of how you actually have to separate assets in New Zealand. You know, selling houses is not just, hey, we've split up, let's sell the house. And somebody doesn't want to partake. You've got to go to court and get that resolved.

And also, I guess all the emotional stress of that four years after you've actually parted ways, you're still having to... Still died. Yeah. It's messy. And I think that's the nice thing as well is if you do actually opt in to say, hey, if we do ever go our separate ways,

here's a clean process on how it's all going to work because I think that's the thing with the government one as well. It's like here are the rules, but the cost of actually going through that. And I think you could speak to almost anyone who's gone through that will say it is not clean. Like you are very rarely separating from somebody and having it all tidied up within 12 months.

Really? Yeah. And also it's probably better to do it while you're on good terms and you can make the decision, whereas someone can just choose to be spiteful and a bit of a dick about it. So how do you normalise that conversation then, like Megan's saying, like when you're in good times, how you go, hey, so without feeling like you're thinking about the end of a relationship? You know how things are going really good? But he's going to be going better.

How do you normalise that? How do I broach my husband and say, hey, I want to post up without him being like, ah? Are you thinking about stuff? But you're right. It's better to do it now where things are, you know, I hope it's good, right? Yeah, so I've got a whole section on that. And so I created the MasterClaught or the Relationship Property Academy to teach people this. And in there, I've got a whole section on this and talking about how do you bring this up with your partner.

And something might, it could be just as simple as like, hey, did you know that the government's actually essentially written a pre-nup for us? And I'm sort of learning about it, you know, and I'd like to learn about it together just to understand what the rules are and just see whether we sort of are in line with that or whether we've actually. actually got any different opinions, like are we functioning slightly different than what it actually says? And then if you are, you can be like, oh, look, we're actually, between ourselves, we're already doing this. So it's not like it's a new conversation. It's like, hey, we're already doing this. That says something different. Can we just formalise what we're actually already doing? Because that's already how you're functioning, it's least like, I don't trust you and I want to get this if I break up. It's just saying, hey, we've got this pre-nup already. It actually doesn't

reflect what we are doing, so can we just record what we are doing while you're happy and why you're good? And I, yeah, I feel like that's a better way to approach it to say, well, we've already got one, we're operating slightly differently, maybe we should just document what we're already doing. And so if you draw up your own one, does that save you four years of back and forth in the course? Right, so you can immediately go, oh, this is what we agreed on and go your separate ways. Well, you still have to wait two years. Oh, to finalise of divorce, but yeah. You could split your assets, hopefully, a lot quicker because you're like, well, here's our process. You know, and you have timeframes in terms of house sales and things like that.

So if you own a home together, and even like people who, you know, when you've got kids and things like that, or somebody who's stepping back from work and things like that, it might give them some certainty to say, hey, if we do break up, I've got six months in the house, you know, especially if kids are young or 12 months to just breathe, why we figure this out. And you can have all of those little nuances in there as well just to give people some sort of certainty, especially if somebody is stepping back from work a little bit and they are potentially slightly more financially impacted by that.

They're like, okay, well, we've got six months, 12 months. And then following that, this is how it goes. We've got a value we're appointed or this is the agent that gets appointed. We've got three months following that date. And then you've got timeframes, timelines you can enforce. Can you do custody situations pre-breakup or does they have to be done afterwards? Like if you've got kids, can you be like, okay, we agree now while everything's sweet,

that maybe we would split it like this or is it not that simple? Kids is completely different than... I really sound like I'm planning something. Yeah, now I'm starting a way for injury too. I'm like, you're really thinking about this. He's going to go home and be like, did you know the government already is? We're pretty much talking anyway, so it doesn't reflect our values. You know, kids are a completely different conversation

And I think that's the hard thing as well And you do see the blend But they are two different like The two completely different conversations Like dealing with your relationship assets Versus dealing with custody of children Yeah, sure So yeah

So Holly, you've signed this pre-nup What happens to stuff That, what money that's earned or saved Or items that you buy after you sign the pre-nard? Yeah, so the one that you've made together Yeah, so if we say wife and I make one today, and then we buy a car next week, and the car's not involved in a pre-nup. Well, your pre-nup will account for future assets and things like that.

So that would be part of the whole conversation about when you're doing it, you wouldn't just look at this one narrow thing that you may be trying to do. You'd have sort of the whole conversation and go, okay, how are we managing, you know, are we managing finances separately? Are we managing, like, maybe not completely separate? it maybe it's just I received you know a gift or a loan from my parents and I want to put it into our home to reduce our mortgage to make

our life a bit easier and give us some spending money it might be like well I'm just going to protect that and maybe get that back in the event we break up or like they can look so different I think that's the thing is it's no just it's mine and it's yours it might be I got a gift from mum and dad I want to use that for the benefit of our relationship but hey if we actually break up I want certainty that I'm going to get that back yeah yeah you could be like I bought that car with money I had before we got together. So when we, or if we break up.

Don't say we're me. I need to get my wording, right? If we break up, I'll take the car. Oh my God. Next week when I... So how, like, how, like, this may be a dumb question, but how legal does it have to be, like, how much, like, it had to be all written out and signed through a lawyer?

Or it could be on a napkin at dinner. I mean, how, what are we talking about? Yeah. No, you do have to do it properly. Yeah. So for it to be valid, you both actually have to see different. lawyers. Oh really? Yeah, so you need independent advice and I think that's the whole idea is for it to be valid. It's you are getting advice from your own

lawyers, you are being made aware of what the default rules are so what the government one is and what you are opting out of to make your own and then, because people do them all the time and they're a legitimate document like you don't just get to change your mind five years later and so I don't think that's fair anymore. You know unless you can get them set aside, but it's like a high threshold. Like it's not just, I change my mind,

I don't agree to that anymore. Like, courts enforce them. Like, you signed it as long as you were advised correctly, made aware you had time to consider, like even if it's not a fair deal. Like if you agreed, you agreed. But are there things in there say like adultery? You're like, unless this is how it goes,

unless you cheat on me. Yeah, like a clause in the contract. Or is that just Hollywood? Well, I haven't seen that personally. I definitely think that's more Hollywood. But I mean, you could probably put what you can put whatever you like. You're like, I'm not splitting everything if you cheat on me.

Like they have no work contracts. We're not with the daughtery, but they have things in there if you do this and bring it to marriage into disrepute. Or like a restraint of trade, you know, like you can't go out with anyone else for three years. Oh, what? After we broke up. And geez, Andrew's got a minefield. Three years, wow. Three years.

And if you forget to take the bins out three Mondays in a row, it's gone. It's all done. And so do you think what is a. what's a good point in a new relationship to bring up signing a pre-nep? What period of time? Okay, so I always tell people, like before you get to three years, I always say if you're sort of two years in and you're two and a half, or two, two and a half years in and you go, actually,

you're aware of what the government's one is and go, we actually kind of operate a little bit differently. Like, yeah, we've got a house together. Like, I've been in relationships where we've had houses together. And, but we still treated our finances separately. we didn't have kids. So it's like we've got our stuff, but I've still got mine and you've still got yours. So, but technically under the government's one, that's not how the law would see it at all.

And, you know, we put different money into deposits. Like I put almost $100,000 more than they did. But technically, if we split up, the law doesn't see it that way. So I think if you're about two, two and a half years in, things are good. That's when you, yeah. We actually don't operate this way. can we just formalise how we operate? And that's what I think is just changing that narrative

to be like, this is what we're already doing. We're just putting that in writing rather than saying, oh, we wouldn't, the amount of times I've seen, I would never do that to you. And then it happens. And instead of saying, so you don't screw me over, just be like, in case we break up, like, don't let me screw you over. Yeah.

And I thought I might want to screw you over. Yeah. Because I will screw you over. And so what happens if one person says, no, I don't want to sign a pre-dub? I've had clients do that. I had a client. She was, like, coming up to the three-year mark. I was like, you need to do this.

She'd just literally had twin babies. But she owned the house. The lending was all in her name. Like, she was the earner. And I was like, you need to protect this. And, yeah, I said, you need to go have the conversation. You're coming up to that time frame, particularly because it's a family home as well. And that's got different rules, like the equity and stuff you put in.

That's not protected and things like that. he refused to sign and she was like oh well. Did they go this? Relationship over. Wow. And I think that's the whole point of them and I've heard like so many stories like so many people chat where a second relationships and things like that and you know they've met and they go hey I want to protect my house. It's like now debt free because my kids are growing you know I'm older in life and we've

met but I want my home to go to my kids and partners that have refused to sign and they've said okay well if you're not going to. That's a day. Yeah you kind of reach a stale mate. Yeah. And that's the whole point of them. It's saying, but for this agreement's giving me the certainty that this will stay mine. So that's the whole thing.

Like if you're not actually willing to break up with them, then you have to accept the default rules. I guess that kind of rules. I'll see you. What if you had like a family trust and then you get into a new relationship? Does that protect things? Do you need the stuff in the family trust to be in the pre-nup? So pre-naps can only deal with personal property. Family trusts are not your personal property.

I have a whole section on trust in the master class. to explain this because everyone says that, you know, I've got to trust. All I always hear, trust either work or I've heard they don't work anymore. Like, I'll just put it in a trust and it will protect everything or I've heard trust don't work anymore. So the answer is it depends. Trust are an awesome asset protection tool if you do it correctly. Like if you are currently single and let's just say you've got inheritance and you go,

okay, I'm about to buy a house. I might just put that into a trust. I might set up the trust now or the estate. might set up the trust and it goes into that and then you've got an occupation right agreement or a tenancy agreement to live in the trust property because again it's not your house it's the trust house then you meet somebody and they move in three years later you'd get there for 10 years provided you've the trust was formed pre-relationship it's you've got the correct i've got a right to occupy on these terms it's not the family home it's not coming to that division where if that

just was sitting in their personal name and that exact same scenario played out that's now going 50-50. But if you are in the relationship, like you're two years in, even, like you haven't qualified yet, but you've been together two years and you go, okay, right, I'm going to set out my trust now and move my home into it.

Completely different position. Right. So you would even suggest maybe before meeting someone putting some big ticket items in a trust. While you're single, yeah. Yeah, definitely. Like if you want to, yeah, I'm a huge advocate for trust. If you do it properly, they are a great asset protection tool,

not just from relationship property, but like liability and things like that. It's really interesting. Succession.n.z. Yeah. Your website where people can get more information. That's really, really interesting. Megan, I'm worried for Andrew.

Apart from that. Sounds like Holly's going to be getting a call for Megan. No, I have a family trust free Andrew, so you're screwed. Don't worry about it. He's all good. But yeah, thanks so much. And we'd love to chat you more about stuff like this. It's great.

Yeah, it's been cool.