Jono, Ben & Megan - The Podcast - We chat to UK comedian John Bishop!

Episode Date: November 12, 2025

John Bishops joins us to chat about coming back to NZ to celebrate 25 years of comedySee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

The John O'Ben and Megan podcast, thanks to Dilma. Goodness really does taste great. Dilma, making the world a better tea. How are you, John? I'm good, thanks. How are you? Good, mate. Listen, lovely, lovely to see you.

That looks like a fancy hotel room. You're sitting in there, my friend? Fancy. How do you define fancy? It's got a window. It's got a window on a pad and an en suite. A TV on the wall, though. TV on the wall that we can see behind you.

It's got a TV on the wall. That's fancy. It's a thin TV. Do you know what here in New Zealand, we don't stick TVs on walls, bro? That's fancy. Hey, listen, I've been looking at your shows, Instagram. Some of the stuff that you get all to in New Zealand wouldn't be legal.

Don't research us, mate. We're meant to be researching you. Don't come here and research us. Well, it's lovely to see you. I want Megan to come and cook me long. Oh, yeah. How do you? How do you think about that?

Because Megan, very erratic, like, mowing your lawns, not in straight lines. I'm okay with it. Some people really triggers them. I just think you've got to remember when you're cut on grass, you're engaging with nature. Don't do it if you're angry. I wasn't angry.

It doesn't look angry. He was a fucking dude. Why am I doing this? This is a blue job. I shouldn't be doing it. The big jobs in the house was not a blue job. It's just because he was. been a fucking boy bun.

Oh my God! You've gone deep on us. Too much research. It's kind of off-putting for us, to be honest. That's for sure. That's what I'm on the back foot. It's just how you get in the side in the minds of the interviewers. It's the incident.

It's what you could do is 15 minutes on the loop. Jeez. Psychological warfare. Yeah, it is. Let's talk about you. Coming back to New Zealand, we're very excited about that. You love taking a motorbike around New Zealand and understand you've been around the South Island, even run out of gas, is a very funny story running out of gas in the South Island.

I ran off the gas. See, the thing is, what English people are used to is road signs telling you how far the next town is. You know, we're used to a countdown to say the next town is 60 miles away. miles right and in New Zealand you just think it's that way the next time's over there and you'll get there don't worry about it

and I was going I can't remember the town I was going to now and I was thinking I can't get there I was run out of petrol I don't know you told you this but I was running out of petrol I saw this house and I thought I'll just go in so I chugged into this house and I knocked at the door it took my helmet

after I didn't look threatening and the lady opened the door and I said I said hey I said I said I'm I'm looking for the petrol station and she went yeah this is a house man

did she did she have any idea John Bishop was standing on her doorstep asking for petrol but the way this is a house oh sorry my bad I was just wondering where you were hiding

your petrol oh that is hilarious John looking into you you used to play semi-professional football that's a bit of a gear-changing career for you yeah yeah but you've got to remember it was also when I played football it was the 80s it was more like rugby

football I played it wasn't as skilled as it is now and also to be honest with you I played semi-professional because it wasn't good enough to play professional yeah what's semi there's either like amateur or professional yeah what it is is you're halfway there listen anything where the word Sammy is used is not what you want

yeah you're right and then of course you know it's 25 years of stand-up since you started your story is an incredible one of people don't know it's getting made into a movie bradley cooper's directing it well annette the comedian is kind of starring as a version of you but you just took up stand-up without really even seeing stand-up you just ended up in a comedy club how did that happen well well to be honest it's it's a it's a very difficult thing now because i because it is part of the show that i do on stage so there's i tell the narrative and the film has been made you know it premiered in new york

last month and we had the premiere in England over here a couple of weeks ago and it's getting released I think it's in New Zealand in January and it's bonkers

it's you know because the summation of the story is I split up my wife and because I was sad and miserable I ended up in a comedy club but that spark the chain of events and it's almost I don't want to rule it for anyone but the chain of events

leads to, I don't know, a redemption within the film and I guess a redemption in my own life. You know, I didn't expect to do this as a job and to put it in perspective when you say the semi-football but I worked for a pharmaceutical company and I worked in that industry for 17 years

so I'll leave my job until I was 40. Wow. So does anybody, anybody listening to this thinking I wonder if I'm stuck or I'm stuck forever I did my first ever stand-up gig the night that I'm celebrating

happened in Manchester 25 years ago in October 2000 and I was one month away from being 34 and at that time I've been to two comedy clubs in my whole life so you know I'm if you're like I'm a living

example that like anything can happen you're like you don't you're not stuck in anything Do you remember the jokes he told? Some of the gear that you had on stage at that first? Let's start. Let me put it in context. So I'm on an arena tour now in the UK and I'm doing the biggest venues in the UK

with thousands of people. I'm brilliant to do it. That night there was seven people in the room. So it wasn't like a gig. It was more like a say on. There's these seven people in there. I had no intention of getting on stage, but I put my name down,

so I didn't have to pay to get it in. It was four pound. Four pound entrance fee. But if you put your name down, you didn't have to pay the four pounds. And I was getting, I was getting divorced, so I thought, well, that's four quid. She's not getting it.

So I put me name down. And I remember what had happened. They probably wouldn't have made the news there. News probably too young for it anyway. But there was a time, at that time, French farmers were blockade in the board. There's something to do with oil prices and they were setting bales of hay on fire or something. So there was a big thing on the news, we're going to have shortages in the supermarkets because lorries can't get into France.

And so I'm sat in the audience. depressed to seven people in there the guy before me was a fellow from Newcastle whose whole act I remember more than mine he was just

it was like it was like care in the community he was just getting up and he was just doing chicken impressions and I was sat there and he's going like has anyone ever seen a chicken drive

a van and I'm like I'm sat at the bar with a beer thinking I was impressed when I came in and then my name got called out and I remember and I say this on the current tour when I tell people the story explain what happened and did you get the best response

that I think it did on the night I said I walked on stage and I didn't have anything to say apart from the fact that these French farmers have been in the news and I've been speaking to my mate about it so I said

oh if you've seen what's going on with France all the farmers are blocking the borders so no one can cross the borders into France wouldn't it have been handy

if they'd have done that in 1939 it's good that's good that's a good bit and then I just ran out and then I just said I'm getting divorced

and I just started talking about getting divorced that after that. So, but that was the, that was the first, first, first ever joke I ever said on a stage. And I'd never been on a stage. I'd never, I'd never, ever stood on the other.

In fact, the first thing I ever said was, F me, your lights are bright. The light. Too much. You've never stood on a stage. You'd think, Jesus, what's that? And then, and then, and then I said, me, me, me, slightly racist French gag.

I would have loved for the guy who was on before you to get back up and go, have you ever imagined a chicken getting divorced? You know what was lovely? You know what was lovely? And what's been great about this? Because I put the tour on. And you have to over there to be the same there. You know, you'll have to book a tour a long time in advance,

particularly if you're doing venues that are very popular and so on. And so I booked it on over a year ago. And we booked the tour on with all the biggest venues in the UK. So the place you've heard of the old two, places like that. I've done all of them. Plus I went back to the Frog and Bucket, the Comedy Club, where I fit. Did you? Oh, that's cool.

Yeah. And the guy who introduced me onto the stage that night, Mick Ferry, who was the professional comedian of the night, introduced me on again. Oh, that's cool. It's cool. Is it called the frog in bucket? We couldn't find a chicken guy. He could be opening for you when you come to New Zealand.

That would kill. That material would kill right here. We'd love it. We can't wait for you to come to New Zealand. You're going to get on a motorbike here in New Zealand? Is that the plan or no time this time? Yeah, yeah. I'm coming over.

I finish here on Saturday in Birmingham. I fly out on Tuesday, which means I get there on Thursday. Which means I get there on Thursday. Yeah, I was going to get me hair course on Wednesday. us on Wednesday so I don't know what happened with that but I I then get on a bike then on Thursday in Christchurch

and I think the first gig is done either the following Tuesday so I've got I've got a good long weekend on my own on the bike oh watch the fuel gauge yeah watch the fuel and now John I'm gonna watch the fuel gauge I'm gonna map before I go anywhere I'm gonna map out petrol station we'll try and put some signs

too telling you how far away you are Yeah, it was a clue. We like to keep it, but, you know, just a... Oh, mate, well, listen, we'd love to see you in the flesh if you want to pop into the studio when you're in Auckland too, mate. Yeah. Yeah. I love to.

I love to. Auckland's got a real place in my heart because I did a show and found out that descendants of mine left Ireland and went to Auckland. Really? Yeah. Yeah, they did. I mean, the twist of that is that they were gunmakers. and they ended up being gone runners for the IR, right?

That's the people don't talk about it. It's your fault, okay. Leave that for now. Yeah, that's what I, yeah. So if you see me in Auckland wearing a ball of class, it runs in the family. Hey, John, love catching up with you. Yeah, it's so good to have you coming back to New Zealand.

John Bush up and go, Sam. Thanks for having us on, guys. That's fine, good. Awesome. See you, John. Yeah, buddy. He's funny. Thank you.