Jono, Ben & Megan - The Podcast - Weekend Highlights: Ben's Been Creeping Round At The Mall Again

Episode Date: April 28, 2023

Ben's awkward mall drinks Jono's lawnmower got stolen Old John Pryor wants to wipe out Putin Jono needs to let this go.. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

The Hits, with the Jono and Ben podcast. Cheers to Dilma, making the world a better tea. This has been a great week. It feels like a great short week, doesn't it? I don't know why I'm so tired, though. Are you tired? I'm not too bad this week. I'm actually pretty good.

But it's because you get up at three in the morning. That is probably... Earlier than everyone else, you're like, because it's my thing, and then during the day you just want to nap. Yeah, do you know someone actually tried to break into the garage recently? And I didn't know that they were doing this but the dog got up in the morning so take the dog out to uh do his blutions and he was sniffing around

sniffing around he's barking barking i'm like shut up dog it's three in the morning you know don't wake up the neighborhood um and he was trying to clearly tell me something yeah that someone's on the property and the dog's like what more can i do yeah i'm here sniffing so i'm trying to leave he's got his pointy tail out you know um and so clearly someone was on the property at that time of the morning and i cast my mind back to this time last week yeah i'd open the garage it was like 3 30 god i'm a psychopath The more I talk Yeah You wonder why you're tired

There was a car outside Oh really Just sitting Yeah and I was like This is odd You know how you're like Mmm And then so

The other day I noticed there was like Marks on the door Where they'd obviously Tried to jam a screwdriver in Yeah And I was like This isn't good

And then I went round The back window Same again Oh really Went to the back shed Bloody lawnmower's gone Oh the lawnmower You love that lawnmower I love that lawnmower I was like, this isn't good. And then I went around the back window, same again. Oh, really? Went to the back shed. Bloody lawnmower's gone. Oh, the lawnmower.

You love that lawnmower. I love that lawnmower. I love it more than my children, that lawnmower. Leafblower's gone. Petrol lines, trim and bend. Gone? Gone. The lines won't be trimmed.

Oh, jeez. One of those things I can imagine, too, because, you know, very scary having people on your property as well. You do feel, yeah Yeah you feel odd about it That someone has been Yeah in your space And probably also like You're probably going

Well what was in there? Like you know Probably going through a lot of items I would imagine as well Going oh And then you probably remember something later And you'll go oh Well if the insurance company asks

It turns out I had a very expensive European car In that bag sheet And you saw it Just to keep it hidden out the back But no you do feel a little compromised And then you start googling stuff Don't google Because I'm like

If they didn't get into the But would they come back You know what it's like when you don't achieve your goals Even when you're a burglar You're like guys we had a loss there. Had to walk away with a bloody lawnmower, you know. Well, they've probably got monthly targets they need to hit, right? And if they're not hitting those targets, then they need to get back.

But it turns out they do generally come back. Right. And so sometimes they'll come back two or three times. And they'll leave enough time for the homeowners to claim their insurance get new items and they come back and get those oh really it seems to be a lot of it going on at the moment and you know i think you know a lot of people feeling the pressure with cost of living and that creates scary situations like that it does and you know it's just stuff at the end of the day and no one's hurt but you know it's but you feel sorry that people are in that position they have

to do that yeah yeah exactly yeah uh and dogs have to do that. Yeah, yeah, exactly. And dogs as well. Dogs are pretty incredible. But I just wish you could talk. It's over my dog. Now, because I always bang on about how I have to walk the dog, my wife was the lady in the neighborhood and we'll walk the dog once a week. But I keep forgetting what day the lady does it.

So I go to walk the dog that same day afterwards, not knowing that the lady's already done it. And the dog's like, I was like, the dog wasn't into his walk today. I said, I put. How much cardio do you want me to do? I've done it three weeks in a row now. I mean, it's like,

you've got to remember on this day because I'm like, oh, the dog. I was like, come on, mate. You're lazy. Yeah. Are you trying to tell me something? I know. If they could just say,

hey, mate, I've been for a walk. Hey, by the way, I think there's people snooping around, you know, stuff like that would really help us as humans. Exactly. The Hits, the Jono and Ben podcast. Now, one thing I really appreciate about your parents is the older they get is the more time they have on their hands, their quirks get exposed, you know,

that they've kind of suppressed over a number of years. Like Jon Pryor, my dad, one of the things I love about him, he'll never wear a pair of sunglasses he's purchased. Only sunglasses he's found on footbaths, park benches. I reckon we could mess with that too. We could buy some real outrageous, you know, ones and just sort of plant them in locations. Look like Elton John in 1975.

And then as he's walking past and then then go, oh, look, sunglasses, and have him pick them up and go, well, that's your new pair, you know? His favorite ones at the moment, he stumbled across some Joe Biden-like aviators. He looks good in the aviators too. Joe Biden looks good in the aviators. He does.

I am surprised. We were talking about this yesterday, not on the radio, but Joe Biden doesn't have, like my granddad had that little, you know, The flaps. The flap over the top of the glasses. You pull them up and then you flip them down.

So they become spectacles inside and then an instant flick. Bang, sunglasses. Oh, they were bad, those glasses. The flaps? Yeah. But yeah, one thing that mum caught him doing recently was she's like, oh, can I borrow your computer? So she Googled something and she found that one of his top searches was, how can I eliminate Putin? So he's not a fan of, I don't think many people are a fan of Putin.

And so John's just Googling, are there ways that people can make Putin not be around? Oh, really? Okay. Unless he's got a beef with a neighbor called Putin. But I'm gathering it's the Russian leader. Wow. Yeah. So you're like a hit person, is that your dad?

I don't know. Or hoping to diversify. He used to be in the military. Yeah. And mom and him lived over in America. And Oscar, my son, likes to think they were spies. Yeah. Sometimes when you're a kid, you cook up a whole sort of backstory, don't you?

Well, hey, maybe there is. I mean, if he's Googling that, maybe he's getting involved. Maybe he's liking that movie with all Bruce Willis and all those action heroes, you know, coming together in their, you know, retirement age. Well, if Putin disappears, I'll tell you where we should be looking. John Pryor in Christchurch. But he does fun things like mows the whole street's berms. Oh, that's lovely.

You know? It's when you've got time on your hands. And he sort of maintains the footpath gardens. Yeah, that is lovely. I mean, he's basically assumed the role of an unpaid council worker. He's doing stuff that the councils aren't doing. The Hits, the Jono and Ben

podcast. Something that's been annoying me, and we put it on our social media at the Hits Breakfast on Facebook and Instagram, was your hat. Now, you like to wear caps. That's fine. That's fine. You like to wear caps. It means maybe because I can't mock you about your...

My disability. My baldness. Don't say it's a mock you about your... My disability. My baldness. Don't say it's a disability. It's not a disability. Every time I do it, it makes him so awkward he has to back off. He can't say it's a disability. Anyway, you continue on about my disability. Yeah.

One of your hats that you wear is, it's kind of like a trendy frayed sort of hat. I imagine when you got it, it was kind of frayed. No, it wasn't. No, the hat is so, it's an old hat. It's kind of like a Marlboro cigarette sort of hat. Same logo. But the hat I've probably had for five or six years, and it's so old and weathered that it's starting to tether.

I thought it was trendy. I've been like, oh, this is trendy. He's bought it. Oh, no. I think the hat's the i think the material the hat's so old the materials are old i'm retiring i want to jump off this head but there's been quite a large bit of cotton from the uh from the frayed bit at the front of the hat that's been dangling down probably one or two inches you can see it on the social on our social media without a word of

a lie that's and this has been going like since i remember christopher luxon was in with us and it was probably at least four weeks ago so for at least four weeks this thing has been dangling down there and i'm like john i will notice it he'll get rid of it i won't say anything even though jesus winding me up why didn't you say anything because i'm like someone brought it up in the office the other day like look at that material it's like a bungee cord hand dangling from your cat and you're like were like, oh, is it? Oh, I've never noticed this before. I was like, how have you not noticed this?

And it's been winding him up so much. You've picked up this hat. You've put it on your head. You've touched the thing. You're quite fidgety with it. Have you not noticed this dangling? Oh, well, once it was pointed out to me, it's all I could notice. It's all I've noticed for weeks, but I'm like, no. It's like a window wiper going back and forth just dangling and i love that you haven't brought it up why would

you not bring it up well what's not it wasn't my place i'm like surely surely he'll notice it then he'll wear the hat again i go no he still hasn't noticed it or maybe he's liking it maybe i don't know maybe he knows it's winding me up and so he's continuing to wear it but i haven't told him it's winding me up so you know okay so uh we're confronting the. Maybe he knows it's winding me up and so he's continuing to wear it. But I haven't told him it's winding me up. Okay, so we're confronting the issue head on now. It's on social media if you want to go and see. You tell us. You tell us whether Jono should just trim that

little tassel or not because it's winding me up. There are things that people get annoyed about as well. I was looking at a BuzzFeed article as well. Little things that annoy a lot of people and these are some of the things that annoy me. I want to throw it to you. See what sort of...

Maybe this says a lot about the two of us. When someone takes both armrests, do you get annoyed with that? Why would you get annoyed with that? Okay. What are armrests for? Yeah, but when they're shit allocated, when people are like,

hey, these are for sharing. Okay. How would you prefer that situation to go? Just like say, okay, I'll have this side, you have this side. Just allocate. Just allocate.

Okay. First in, first serve when it comes to resting your arms. Okay. Someone gets to the counter at a fast food restaurant and then they're not ready to order. But they'll be waiting in the queue for a while. Jeez, that winds me up. Well, maybe they've been thinking about other stuff. Okay.

And then when you get to it, you've got full side of the menu. All right. I don't know why that wouldn't be a sensible option. Talking through a movie? Talking through a movie? You're probably someone that does that. My wife loves a chat during a movie. I'm like, no, it's the first 10 minutes.

This is integral to the plot. There are some boring bits of movies, though, that you can't have a conversation. I agree. Someone sniffs loudly instead of blowing their nose? No, that doesn't annoy you, because that's something that you do all the time as well. This is another thing that winds up about me.

It's expelling air from my nostrils. He's a very loud breather. Just the simple act, the simple basic human requirement of breathing in and breathing out. It somehow upsets him. I do sound like a rhinoceros, you know, a giraffe or something. You're just sort of expelling it. Anyway, well, that shows you. That shows me.

But sometimes you can just go, I could let all that stuff go. Like the hat. You could be like Matthew McConaughey. I did try with the hat. I did, for months. But it was winding you up secretly. Yes, but for months I was like, I'm cool with that. I'm sure with that.

If you want to wear his hat like that, it's fine. The Hits, the Jono and Ben podcast. This week and over the weekend, I went to the mall with my daughters. And I do, I love the mall. I do love the mall. And I think, I was thinking about it over the weekend. It's because I was from Masterton. And going to the mall was such a big thing because we didn't have a mall.

So, you know, I had to go to Palmerston North or the Hut to go to the mall. And that was, I was wowed by the mall as a kid. Bamboozled by the bright lights of the Palmerston North Mall. I know. It is. I find there's a time limit for me, though. I don't mind going, but I'm like, yes, set that to 35 minutes. Oh, see, we'll go all the time.

We'll just go. We'll just go to the mall. What's the most amount of time you've spent in a mall? How many hours? A couple of hours. We've probably spent at least an hour sort of going around. My kids really like it, but they've gone from that age where it was toy shops and stuff now because they're sort of tweens and into their teens.

They've gone to the next stage of shopping. So I was hanging out with them in the weekend. Vaping. Vape shops. Not in front of me. But they're going to like Glassons or JJ's or going to farmers to try the moisturizer. And that's cool. I can kind of hang out with them and do their thing

but what I've noticed... Your face is looking very moistered. Thank you, thank you. I was hoping you'd notice. Most amount of moisture pumping out of that skin. But I was thinking about it in the weekend

when I was hanging out with my daughters. It's kind of like that ad. Do you remember the ad for... I think it was for Trumpet but about the undies, undies, togs. And when the guy was wearing

the Speedos, when you could see the water, they were togs but when you couldn't see the water, they were suddenly underpants. And I was thinking it was the same. When I'm in Glassons with my kids and you can see the kids. No, not underpants.

Where is this heading? But when I'm in Glassons with my kids and you can see the kids, everyone's like, oh, that's great. That's cute. Oh, that's nice. He's with his kids. But as soon as you can't see me and the kids together, they go try some stuff on, suddenly you're the creep walking around Glassons instantly, just like that.

You can tell the CCTV cameras are just keeping an eye on you. And it's just like moments ago, my kids, they were with me. I was the cute guy. Yeah, I was the guy. I was the guy. Oh, that guy. He's out there with his kids or whatever. But suddenly they're in there and everyone's looking at me going,

can I help you? That sort of reaction. And I'm like well and then the worst thing is when you're waiting for people in a changing room yes yeah can i help you you're like no i'm just waiting for someone and then you know what that sentence means yeah what are you doing here you sleazeball and you don't want to pull out your because normally your phone is a good distraction you're not looking at you look at your phone but you don't want your phone in that situation because i guess where's when you slide it under the doors? That's when I think you push the boundary a little bit there.

I had a similar situation where I had to go shopping for some brassieres for my wife. I was like, I'll go to Farmer's and I'll buy them. But I was alone, lone wolf in the lingerie section. Oh, here we go. And I had to, because I didn't know what I was sizing or how it was all working. So I ended up FaceTiming.

So I'm filming the lingerie. Just tell the story to the police, mate. I don't need your explanation. I just need you to be my alibi. FaceTime me, which is weird. What do you think of these no no but yeah i've i've found that very lonely in that situation and i've got a can i help you and i understand why i've got a can i help you if i'm filming in an entree section you know even as i say it out loud now it doesn't sound good a lot of questions that's for sure