Jono, Ben & Megan - The Podcast - Weekend Highlights: Jono's Embarrassing The Kids Again

Episode Date: April 29, 2023

Jono had an accident at the chemist Top things lost in an Uber for 2022 The Rubbish bin segment See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

The Hits, with the Jono and Ben podcast. Thanks to Challenge, putting the service back into service stations. Ben, a highly embarrassing moment, I'm sure you've experienced the same in your shopping career, is knocking over a display. Have you done that? Oh no, yeah. I was in a chemist and I'd bent over to pick something up. I pushed the trolley that was next to me into a stand-up display of multivitamins boom everything every last bottle of multivitamins and they don't go down quietly at least this wasn't breakable i guess yeah they're kind of those plastic bottles

but also making a heck of a yeah everyone i imagine was stopping and staring at you yeah and a lot runs through your head you're like okay what are my options what options do i have available to me right now obviously pretend it wasn't you yeah blame it on someone else yeah there's another good one uh why don't you blame the lady in the the mobile scooter over there she could have knocked it over when she drove past and just pointed her behind her back, run out of the shop, pick it up. I like how that was number five or six. Not the first option you went with, even though you did that. So what did you do?

Did someone come over and help you? I picked it up. But yeah, when you start picking it up, other very kind-hearted people come and, I'll give you a hand, and all that's doing is creating more of a scene. I know you've suffered the same fate publicly when you fell down nine flights of stairs at a stadium

at a sports game. A Pact of Warriors game, actually. Fell down a couple. It was quite nine flights, but fell down many stairs. Nine flights should be dead. But I did fall down a few stairs. It was slippery. And the miraculous thing was that I kept my drinks

that I was holding upright. For some reason, even though my back was all bruised, I was like, oh, my goodness, I've managed to hold on to the drinks. Not too much has spilt. This is a miracle. I was embarrassed, though, because everyone's looking at me. And I'm like to my wife, let's just get out of here. Let's just go find a seat somewhere else. Stepped on my next seat, next step, and slipped again.

And that's where the drinks went all over me. And I'm like, jeez just you know and you know you're not in a friendly environment at a Warriors game that's more of a mocking laughing pointing filming cell phone stuff film you? No one's coming over to help you pick up the multivitamins there are they?

Not like the friendly folk in the chemist no Well speaking of money and the cost of living, Ben Boyce, something that we are getting completely ripped off on, and this is not new news, printer ink. Yes. Wildly expensive, isn't it? You know you're in for a bit of a fee when you go to the stationary shop

and it's padlocked up. They put the padlock at the end of the stick that they're all dangling off you're like geez why can't i slide these into my pocket because they are small they could fit in there uh but the extension to this is yellow the color yellow ran out on my printer so i'm like that's fine i don't want to print in yellow yeah black and white only old school not an option that's what happened to me too magenta i was like i don't care i just want black and white correct now i haven't been keeping up to date with recent changes to the color chart but from my memory yellow had no business with black black it was like one direction you know

they all kind of worked together. Magenta, cyan, yellow. But everyone knows blacks like Harry Styles can work out on his own. It's going to be more successful on his own, but you can't. So you have to go and buy a whole new cartridge to fill up yellow so black can work. Well, people say it's cheaper to buy a new printer. Yeah. That's like the razor blades as well, right?

It's often cheaper to buy a whole new which is not great when you think about it it's not great for waste stuff but but it is you know for costs yeah uh well don't worry about the environment mate let's just focus on but i was thinking well maybe yellow and black did work together and that's why wiz khalifa he tried to get the propaganda out a few years ago. If I had the right part of the song teed up, he starts singing black and yellow. I'll take your word for it.

Maybe he ran out of black and yellow lyrics as well. He's like, I really want to just... I am going to lead a charge on Parliament, though. Okay? It's a printer revolution. We the people can fight back on the printer ink. We'll go on strike like the teachers. Camp outside Parliament. I've ordered a whole bunch of tinfoil.

We can roll around in our own waste. Get some changes to this game. Changes. It's no more important issue this year in election year, is it? I can't think of anything. The Jono Prize tinfoil. The hits. The Jono and Ben podcast. So Ben, this is the show

Rubbish Bin sort of comes up from time to time where we want to decide if something's going to live a longer life on this show or be dumped in the rubbish bin. It's like if you use a computer and you drag a file into the bin on there and this is the moment before we either clear it and permanently it can't come back or if it pops back out into the bin on there. And this is the moment before we either clear it

and permanently it can't come back, or if it pops back out of the bin, back into your operating system again. So, Jono, this is an idea of yours that I've gone, drag it to the bin. In the past, what have we had? In the past, we've had, well, I wanted to literally talk rubbish, remember?

And we were ringing... Refuse centres. Centres, yeah, Like trash companies around the place to talk about rubbish. And that was a bit weird at the end. I thought talking rubbish would be great, we'd actually talk about rubbish, but really it just wasted a lot of people's time.

It did, yeah. And they weren't actually, the rubbish industry weren't too interested in talking rubbish, were they? No. This is your chance to pull something out of the bin. Well, it's, you know the popular song, Miley Cyrus, Flowers.

Yeah, great song. I had an idea. We phone a florist. Yeah. You pretend to be the florist. Ring, ring. Hello. Oh, hello.

I'm Ben's florist. Hi, mate. How are you? A bit confused with the business title, but anyway. Yeah. How can I help you? Listen, I was just wondering, the sale and purchase of flowers. Yeah, that's what we do, yeah.

Do I have to buy those? This is why I went to the bin, but anyway, keep going. Do I have to? That was my colleague who also works on the radio talking. Why am I getting feedback on a segment that I'm doing? Do I have to buy those flowers for someone that's not myself? No, you can buy flowers for yourself if you want.

I can buy myself flowers. And then we would play that. Yeah, gotcha. I feel like, anyway, no, it's your segment. Your segment. I was going to offer some, but no, it's over to you.

As every second passes, I'm losing faith in it. And it's because you're not supportive. No, I feel like you need to go, can I buy flowers for someone? Great. Could I also buy flowers for myself? And they might go, yes. And then, boom. I can buy myself flowers.

And that's where we hit them with the What sort of reaction are you hoping you're going to get out of them? Hilarity. Laughter. You know that sort of laughter where they can't breathe? Going through to a Dunedin florist here. Okay.

Florists are always so friendly, aren't they? They are. Yeah, they're out there with the hair industry. We'll find out. We'll find out. They're friendly at the end of this. Hello, Emerald List for Flowers. This is Lorna.

Hi, Lorna. How are you? I'm good, thanks. How are you? Good, thanks. Can I buy flowers for someone else? Yeah. for flowers this is lorna hi lorna how are you i'm good thanks how are you good thanks can i buy flowers for someone else yeah can i buy flowers for myself yeah is that is that doable yeah so if i came into the shop Hypothetically speaking And I'm like

I don't want to buy flowers For a third party Yeah I want to buy flowers For myself You would say You can buy yourself flowers Good to know

This is good This is Jono being Calling for the hits Radio station Yeah You had a laugh You had a good genuine That felt like a genuine laugh?

It wasn't a fake laugh? Yeah, I've just been practising. Now, because this is part of our radio show rubbish bin, where I have one last chance to pitch an idea for lifelong longevity on the programme. Do you think it's going to last the years? One for the ages? I don't know.

Yeah, I feel like it's one and done, personally. I feel like, hey, we got a better result than I'd planned. Hey, guess what song just came on? Turn it up. Let's have a listen. Here we go. I can buy myself flowers.

Well, you can buy yourself flowers. You can buy it for a third party yourself So what do you reckon there Ben? That was a better reaction than I thought we were going to get Like to be fair There's a genuine look of surprise on your face No it was a good reaction I don't know if we Is it one and done or are we continuing at all?

I don't know what else we can do Maybe there's other songs we can weave into conversations. Oh, you're trying to expand on the idea. Yeah, maybe. So you're saying doing the same thing over and over again might get a little monotonous. Yeah, but hey, it was great. It's out of the recycling bin, okay, and the computer.

I'm not deleting that one. Finally got his support, okay? For a while there, I felt like Ian Foster And you were the NZRU Uber has released the top weird and wacky items That have been left in the back of an Uber Over the last 12 months You know the one time producer Joel comes in on a Monday He's like, oh I got done for soilage fees on the weekend You may have Ubers this man's soiled

And it sounds a lot worse than it actually is Because it's just spilling a bit of sauce or something. I know, but they call it a soilage fee. So chainsaw, these are some of the things that have been left in the back of an Uber, chainsaw. It feels like you're a bit worried if you're losing your chainsaw. Also, perhaps someone bringing a chainsaw along in an Uber would worry me if I was the Uber driver.

Maybe a little hesitant to let someone in. Maybe it's a forgetful tree arborist who had an alternative way of getting to work that day. The false teeth, lotto tickets, cricket bat, chili bin, fishing rod, fish, tattoo set and a cat flap door were just some of the things that were left in Ubers over the last 12 months by New Zealanders.

But a lot of those items too, you feel like you get out, you go, okay go okay i got wallet keys where's my chainsaw yeah where's the cat flap oh yeah yeah right it's probably not items that you would generally carry around have you lost things in an uber left things in a taxi before oh no i don't know if i have i always do try and check as well because i feel like the phone's the thing that's always going to fall out right that? That feels like the most common thing. I do remember my grandpa, one of his favorite jokes to do with like a taxi and Uber was he was always, he was the guy, ordered a cab, pulled over and he'd go, do you have room for a dozen beer and eight oysters in the back of your taxi?

And the guy goes, yeah, yeah, yeah. Open the boot. Then the guy vomited in the back of the boot. And that was always his favourite joke. Then you wouldn't get charged for soilage fees. Yeah, because I guess you're probably, well, maybe that's just something he did. Hey, mate, do you have room for this in the back of your cab?

He's like, yeah, yeah, plenty of room. And off he went.