Jono, Ben & Megan - The Podcast - What Jono and Megan both shoplifted!

Episode Date: February 26, 2024

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Welcome to the untamed realm of the world's wide web, a swirling vortex of weirdness, bullying and self-obsessed social media posts. In this digital jungle, Jono and Vienna are your fearless guides, leading you through the wildest parts of the wild, wild web. This is the wild, wild web. Welcome along to the second episode of a brand new podcast we're doing each day Very loud Sorry, I can't control it, it's on the wrong fader

I'll just stop it I feel like I'm able to shout to get over the top of it Yeah, for some reason on that first fader you can't control the levels It's like wow, I'm talking but anyway it's drowning me out Anyway, welcome along to the second episode If you didn't hear any of what I said for the first time, of The Wild Wild West. This is where each day one of us finds...

Wild Wild Web. Oh, sorry. The Wild Wild West was a Will Smith movie. Not a good Will Smith movie, actually. It was a bit of a... It was a cowboy one. Yeah, it was a bit of a filler movie for Will Smith, wasn't it? Yeah.

Probably the only blemish on his career I can think of. I can't think of anything else. Oh, I love Will Smith. else. I love Will Smith. You used to love Will Smith. I still like him. I think it's, you know, out of the grand scheme of things, I used to slap someone in the middle of the thing. It's not great, but, I mean, there's people that have done worse things.

Oh, absolutely. I'm giving him a chance to come back from that. I've got some Fresh Prince togs that I like to wear to the beach, and I'm wearing them again. Are they Speedos? No, they're not. Oh, jeez, no. I'm not him a chance to come back from that. I've got some Fresh Prince togs that I like to wear to the beach, and I'm wearing them again, probably. Are they Speedos? No, they're not. Oh, jeez, no. I'm not a Speedo person.

No. No, it's a matching shirt and shorts combo. Yeah, and I never got the shirt. I always wanted to get the shirt. But, yeah, it's got Carlton on it from the Fresh Prince, and Will Smith from the Fresh Prince on it. It would take a lot for a person to be cancelled by you, I reckon. Yes.

He was the leader of the New Zealand R. Kelly fan club for a while there, cancelled by you i reckon yes he was the he's the leader of the new zealand r kelly fan club for a while there and he stuck with him he stuck with our kelly no i did like remix to ignition as a banger oh it's a good song but at what point do you go no i'm not i'm not supporting anything that he's doing you know my issue is i bought a wonderful michael jackson thriller t-shirt okay and i love the t-shirt. The cuts, everything about the t-shirt. And I still wear it just because I love the t-shirt. I can forgive everything else he's done. I had R. Kelly sunglasses

back in the day. Seriously, when you bought the CD single and mastered it, you got promotional glasses that had R. Kelly down the side. Now this is years before we knew what was going on. And now I wouldn't be caught dead anywhere near anything with R. Kelly. Horrible, horrible human by all accounts. Yeah.

But apparently you put the glasses on and you could look through the lenses and you could see a whole different view on life of what you can and can't get away with. Oh, geez. Anyway, I don't know how we started there. We started with me saying wild, wild west and not wild, wild web.

But every day we look at something from the web, an actual story that exists that has taken, well, caught our eye. And this one, I want to bring it to the table today. Now, a Texas man, he's facing charges. In fact, he's gone to jail. Now, he is accused of insider trading. So his wife worked for BP. And through the pandemic, she was having Zoom calls with all the other BP big execs. She was very high up with BP. And he was off working from home, listening to all the information that she was getting and made, without her knowledge,

a whole lot of financial investments based on the conversations that she was having. Made millions. You're not allowed to do that. No, I'm not allowed to do that. I would totally do that. He's not meant to be privy to that information. So obviously he was like,

oh, they're going to sell this. Oh, they're buying into that. Oh my God, I totally would totally do that. He's not meant to be privy to that information. So obviously he was like, oh, they're going to sell this. Oh, they're buying into that. Oh my God, I totally would have done that if that was me. He's now in jail. And he confessed to his wife who confessed to the bosses. Why? She lost his job. Oh, idiot.

That's where he went wrong. No one needed to know. Oh, well, I don't know. Maybe there was like, how's he got a whole lot of millions of dollars? That to me seems like the perfect crime. Who was getting hurt? No one. No one was getting hurt.

She wasn't getting hurt. Why did she knock on him? Well, yeah, she ended up, well, he confessed to her that he'd been, got this amazing little slush fund of millions of dollars there.

And did she dob him in? Well, she went to her work and said, hey, this is what's happened. She's lost her gig as well. Oh, take it to your grave. She's gone. So she missed out on the millions of dollars that he got.

Yeah. And she lost her job. Yeah. Idiot. No one had found out. No one was going to find out. Well, I think there was people sniffing around. I think there was investigators sniffing around.

It's not like you're ripping off a small business. Also, you're not really ripping off BP anyway. No, you're not ripping off BP as such. You're just making investments, I guess shares and stuff based on. Jeez, I. Information that you found out. Yeah. So people of that level on the exec, they know all this stuff.

I could not be on an exec. I know. It's so lucky you told me that because I literally, I mean, I don't know how to make investments or anything like that. But if I was in his position. But what would you. No, it's just if I ever got any inside information, I'd, I don't know how to make investments or anything like that. But if I was in his position. What are you privy to? No, it's just if I ever got any inside information, I'd be like, hey, I'm going to go make a. Why isn't there more inside a trainer?

Well, I imagine there is a lot of it. There's probably just not that many people going, yeah, you got me. They just don't dob themselves in. Yeah, a lot of, yeah. Idiot. So, yeah, so that's probably. I love all the comments on this article too on the internet. They're all, oh, another reason for work to make us work from work and stuff like that.

Like they planted this article to stop people from working from home. Yeah, right. Yeah, that's the big thing, isn't it? Now all the offices trying to claw their employees back into the office. Problem is that ship sailed. No, I reckon they're turning around. You reckon they're pulling it back? Yeah, I reckon they're turning around by all accounts.

They're trying to get people back. It probably depends what company you work for. Yes, true. There are some companies who are- Yeah, I reckon they're turning around by all accounts. They're trying to get people back. It probably depends what company you work for. Yes, true. There are some companies who are. When Zoom, the company put out Zoom said, hey guys, we've got to get you guys back into the office. And that's their business model.

That's when I'm like, oh, the ship's turning around. Like Zoom is set up to work from home. But Zoom, even Zoom are like, hey guys, nothing's getting done around here. We need to get everyone back out. They're like, well, this is your fault, Zoom. Yeah. That's where I reckon the shit turned around.

You created this monster. Okay, if you were going to commit any crime, what would it be? The perfect crime. Inside a trailer. Oh, that's probably one. Yeah, that feels like one that,

well, he's gone to jail, so it's not a great one. For telling people. But it's not, in the grand scheme of things, again, you haven't, you know. I reckon I'd be a credit card scammer. Oh, haven't you know I reckon I'd be A credit card scammer

Oh yeah Yeah I reckon I could be a good credit card scammer My wife actually just today got her credit card scammed Did she? Someone was trying to buy $1800 worth of makeup in New York New York So has her information just been leaked somehow? The reason

Someone's bought her credit card details Yeah I don't know what I'm gathering through a website You just never know. You can't trace it back, can you? But it feels to me like a credit card scammer. It's a victimless crime because the banks always foot the bill, don't they? Most of the time they seem to. I don't know if every time they do.

So it's like, oh, poor banks. The banks may send interest rates. They'll be fine. They can cover a couple of credit card bills. But I feel like it's got regular people as the victim there at the end of the day a lot of admin and yeah like they don't always pay for it yeah i feel like skimming off a big company is there's a way to go it's a pain like i've had my credit cards yeah again it's the people gonna they had a wonderful wonderful time looking through the like the receipt oh wow i wish i spent all that money at

no lemmings and then going across the countdown and then go, they went on a wild spree for a while. All courtesy of the bank because the bank paid for it. Well yeah, but at the same time

you've got to change your credit card number and everything that's connected to it. You'll be fine. You'll be fine. Don't try and make me feel bad as a credit card scammer, okay?

I'm trying to do this without a conscience. That's not why we're sitting here discussing the crimes we would commit. Okay, what crime would you commit, Ben? Well, I don't really want...

You're asking Ben. Well, I have been into, like, yeah, I've been arrested, so that was there. So I don't want to go back there again. And that was for a TV sketch that went wrong. And even that, that's not cool. Did I tell you I got caught stealing a pornography from Wickhalls when I was about 12 years old? No, you didn't.

I did mention that briefly the other day when we were talking about shoplifting, but we never got into this conversation. I tell you, I got caught stealing a pornography from Wickhalls when I was about 12 years old. Did you? Yeah, I did mention that briefly the other day when we were talking about shoplifting, but we never got into this conversation. I got done shoplifting too. Did you? All right. Okay, well, you guys tell your shoplifting story and I'll see who's got the most... Who wasn't a porno mag? Most impressive or who would...

Yeah, like, okay, I've got... I'm never going to be in a gang, but I'm recruiting for my gang. It's an Ocean's Eleven. I'm Danny Ocean from that movie, George Clooney from Ocean's Eleven. I want to recruit you. We're taking you down to the casinos, all right? Oh, so this is our CV. This is our heist.

Okay, what have you done, Pryor? Oh, well, when I was about 12 years old, me and some friends wanted to see the Pamela Anderson Playboy magazine. That's a pre-internet, right? Yeah, the internet wasn't a thing. So access to That level of content Wasn't freely available So we went into

Whitcalls Queen Street Okay Whitcalls Six of us Yeah big brand Big brand Did you need six here

For Well they were meant To be lookouts They were doing decoys They were meant To be lookouts And then so I did My role as the person

To gather the material And put it down My trousers You were the actual thief. I was the thief. Then hand on the shoulder. Secret shopper or whatever, undercover shopper. And this lady took me back.

Did you go into the back room? Yeah. Into the back room. What calls? Beat the shit out of me. No, she didn't. I just thought I'd add that in. I'm trying to get the job off the end.

Trying to get in the gang. He's tough. He's tough. Take a hiding. No, but then she was like, this is not good. Bada she's like what you're going to do is you're going to go home you're going to tell your parents and then i will be calling them later on this evening oh my god what did i do i went home and i told my parents bloody hell bloody bloody bitch never called, did she? Never called. Never called.

Oh, she called you a bluff, didn't she? Well played. Great undercover investigator. Okay, so that's your plea. Okay,

well, the job could be yours, Megan. Why do you want to come into this heist? So, not that I'm condoning this kind of carry on because it scared the hell out of me and I'll never do it again,

never have, but I got the hand on the shoulder at Rickerton Mall in Christchurch. Oh, big mall, big mall. kind of carry on because it scared that out of me and i'll never do it again never have but um i got the hand on the shoulder at rickerton mall in christchurch i was trespassed from there for two years i couldn't go back but i did go back what did you take so oh you did go back oh yeah that's that's grouty points to my take my photo i think they took my photo but we went into the back room so me and my friend we were very young i think maybe 11 or 12, and we were at a shop taking cheap jewellery and hair clips and things because I just wanted cute stuff, nail polishes and stuff like that. And we got a hand on the shoulder and went up into the back room.

Do you know what I did? I was so embarrassed. What did you do? So we're sitting there, and I knew what was happening. We're sitting there, and as they're talking to us, they're like, okay, put everything on the table that you took. I'd stuffed everything like into my socks. I was tucking hair clips into my hair as they're like talking to me

because I was like, well, I've been caught. I don't want them to take everything that I've got. So you still want to sell the loot to take home. So I had like heaps of stuff on my person. And did you get away with it? Yeah. Oh, then you stole in front of them. So I hid heaps of stuff on my person. And did you get away with it? Yeah. Oh, then you stole in front of them. Now that is who you need for your heist.

Yeah, I'm like, I'm on my heist in this again. Right underneath their nose. Yeah, you're in. I like scratched my hair as I was tucking hair clips in. Wow. Ruthless. Wow. I mean, you're a horrible person, but you're in.

Like, I think less of you after the story. Well, you're running the gang. Yeah, but again, it's fictitious but you've got the real story from you i'm not actually running this heist but yeah they took us to my friend's grandparents in a cop car scared the crap out of me i've never done anything like that again making people confess for things i do remember like uh like wagging school and then coming back into school i went out for a couple hours and coming back in and then the deputy principal was like oh can I have a word?

And you're like, sweet. And he's like, where have you been? I was like, oh, dentist. He's like, oh, good. And I was like, great. And he's like, so have I called what dentist? And I was like, oh, here we go. Don't do this to me.

And then he picked up the phone and he was like, oh, yeah. And I said, the dentist. He's like, so have I called them right now? They confirmed me. I'm like, oh, you have called my bluff, bluddy. I see it through to the end and be like, yes. Yeah, I should have I just

no they won't in the hope that the dentist will pick up the game and be like yeah no just did a filling yeah he was

oh great you know so yeah so they do call you bluff and I confess oh yeah well that's the wild wild web today

not the wild wild west no that's another podcast and a lackluster Will Smith movie yeah