Jono, Ben & Megan - The Podcast - Who has BDE?

Episode Date: April 28, 2024

Welcome to the untamed realm of the world's Wild Wild Web!  On today's edition a man who went on a British breakfast show to discuss his very large ... See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Today on the Wild Wild Web. Morning TV in the UK, a very, very unusual story. Have a listen. Welcome to the untamed realm of the world's wide web. A swirling vortex of weirdness, bullying, and self-obsessed social media posts. In this digital jungle, Jono and Ben are your fearless guides. Leading you through the wildest parts of the wild, wild web. This is the wild, wild web. This is where we look at some of the stories that we've found on the internet

that's captured our attention. Some actual real stories and we'll see where the conversation ends up. And this one came from Morning TV in the UK. Now, this looks like a show that you'd think they'd be talking about. You know, what to do with your rotten bananas. Yeah. The best way to get the most out of your marriage.

Yeah, those picture couches, you know, nice presenters. They're talking about all sorts of wholesome stuff. How to display your pillows on your bed. Yeah, mid-morning television. They do a light little exercise program as well remember those they used to do like who was doing exercise watching morning television oh yeah they tried to pack it all in didn't they yeah so they've dealt this in the uk and they've got a guy who's come on and he claims to have well uh the britain's biggest penis when did you first realise that perhaps you had a little bit more than some of your classmates or some of your teammates

in a sports team or something like that? I mean, predictably, it was in the showers at school. I think that's when everyone has the first encounter with what anyone else looks like. So I sort of grew up as well before the internet as well, so there wasn't even any real expectation of that stuff. For a guy with Britain's largest penis, he sounds very uncertain of himself. himself yeah like he doesn't like it's not what you would imagine you think in

your head he's and he said it like it hasn't been good like it's been something in his life that it's not great he's been a burden it's been a bit as he can't wear tight pants one of the things he and there was a huge tight jean uh period that we're just coming out of now so that's been for like 15 years. He actually knocked someone unconscious, which I don't think they got onto, like on the mid-morning television with his member. How? I don't know.

Swinging it around. Not in the office or anything. So then what I love on the chat show, the morning TV show of the UK, they're obviously not trying to make it too rude, which is fair enough, but they also want to get some sort of context of how big he is. And the guy, one of the hosts brought out a ruler. I mean, so look, we've got this ruler with us just to try and illustrate. So this essentially is how big your penis is when it's erect. Oh yeah, obviously the thickness is a lot bigger. Yes, and of course, we're not taking it into the

girl. So the practicalities of something like that, as much as people might go, gosh, it would be amazing to be so well-adoned. Yeah. I feel like it's a sketch. I feel like this is not a real story. 12.2 inches is what he said, and it's caused him a lot of awkward moments. I love how he had to stipulate.

Well, obviously, it's a lot girthier than the measuring tape you've got there. You're doing me injustice with that ruler there, mate. So there's a bit of pride there somewhere. Somewhere there. But he's come on with a cardi. It looks like a, you know. It's very unassuming. Like you'd walk past this guy.

You'd sit next to him on the bus. You wouldn't have no idea that he had Britain's largest penis. I mean, to be fair though, you can sit next to anyone and not know. He got booted out of a, so he's got a book out. Here we go. It's called A Long Story. A life with one of the world's largest penises. And he got booted out of a hotel because they thought he had an erection in the pool.

But he's like, mate, this is just me. This is me. It's like the greatest showman. Now, we brought producer Taylor in because Megan is away. She is away. Do you want to segue into something else here? I was waiting to see how you guys would segway This into me coming into chat

No we didn't just want to get you in here Because we were talking about a guy with a large Phallus Phallus that's the correct term isn't it? We're trying to keep this classy Does it intrigue you though? This guy Would you want to see it out of interest? No, but you don't have to

answer all this. Well, I feel like for him, he should be in a museum or something. If it's one of the world's... Well, he's a human. We can't live in a museum. They should clone it. You can do that. Only fans, couldn't they? They pay to go on there. Yes, he's missing a trip. You'd be like, oh, have a look.

Forget about the bloody book. Go get on OnlyFans. Every now and again, there's a show that pops up on Netflix or something like that, and you're like, oh, have a look. Forget about the bloody book. Go get on OnlyFans. Because every now and again, there's a show that pops up on Netflix or something like that, and you're like, oh, there's a scene with a naked dude or something, and everyone has to watch it. What was the one recently? Sex Life. Was that what it was? He had a huge one.

Yeah. And everyone's like, oh. It was Aussie, actually. Oh, was he? Oh, the Aussies. Better climate over there, though. Yeah, warmer conditions. Warmer conditions.

You're right, man. You're right. What, you're averaging 30 degrees Yeah It's warmer Above room temperature Yeah Exactly

But yeah I can understand Why it'd be a burden for the guy But Although he still If he got the option Yeah Most guys I would say

Would probably take his Would go Hey I know there's downsides to that Is it really much of a burden? Yeah Well you know Like he's made a career Out of saying it's a burden but yeah books does he actually work like does he have a job i don't know i wonder if just having the biggest dick is his job and maybe

no one's even sorry that was quite jarring what's your employment uh maybe no mention if no one's ever seen it he's just saying it no he Mention if no one's ever seen it. He's just saying it. No, he's just like, got to take his word for it. Well, I'm sure the girl that got knocked out by it has seen it.

Well, maybe it's a made up story. Maybe. Imagine if it's the world's biggest prank. Yeah. It's like no one ever has to see it. Didn't you,

you did a prank years ago with Guy Williams going on the pool. Basically the same sort of thing. He was a pro, someone who was pro whaling. This was the made up character with the mate who was a comedian. Yeah. Sent him on thing. He was a pro, someone who was pro whaling. This was the made up character, the mate who was a comedian.

Yeah. Sent him on there. He got booked. Yeah, he was booked on as Jay Pryor on The Breakfast Show and Paul Henry was hosting it. So they're looking for content, they're looking for people to talk to,

they bring someone along who's into whaling, which is controversial, obviously. Obviously he wasn't, he was a comedian just pretending. And we know the daily grind of content. You're just like, oh, that sounds interesting. Chuck it on here.

Biggest penis, chuck it on here. So Guy messaged, emailed them and said, oh, hey, it's a little controversial, but I'm actually pro-whaling. I think we should be harpooning the whales. And they're like, come on there. Next thing you know, he's live on TV. They're interviewing him. The prime minister at the time, John Key, had been on the segment previous,

and he introduced himself to Guy and said, oh, what are you on here for? And Guy said, oh, I'm actually for pro-whaling. And he ended up in a conversation with the Prime Minister, trying to make up the benefits of harpooning whales, but his whole thing was farming them in the ocean and harpooning whales, but his whole thing was farming them in the ocean and harpooning them. And then the next day it was like full page, front page news, how they'd been stitched up.

They'd been duped. And then what? When did you reveal that it was all a prank? Well, I think it got revealed then in the paper, didn't it, that it was a prank? It was a, you know. Yeah. That poor producer that booked it. Oh, but that's the thing.

Yes, but the poor producer, but they're just, they're like, this is interesting. These guys will have a laugh was a, you know. Yeah. That poor producer that booked him. Oh, but that's the thing. Yes, but the poor producer, but they're just, they're like, this is interesting. These guys will have a laugh with it, you know. Yeah. I don't think Paul Henry would have minded. He was the host of that one, you know. He wouldn't have minded. He found it funny. Yeah.

The apparently looks legit, this guy with the big schlong. Have you looked at him? Yeah, well, I haven't seen, no, I haven't looked at the thing, but he seems like there's a few other stories about him. So, yeah. Imagine the adult world would want to get their claws into him. Yeah. He'd have a lucrative career.

He doesn't really scream big dick energy, though. No. Especially in that interview. What does? Who does? Name a celebrity that does. Oh. Okay.

Pete Davidson. There's a lot of rumors. Yeah. Oh, Pete Davidson. He's got big dick energy. And what is that energy? Just gives no fuck rumors. Yeah. Oh, Pete Davidson. He's got big dick energy. And what is that energy? Just gives no fucks. Right.

Walks with confidence, knows exactly what they bring to the table, doesn't question themselves. This guy with the actual big one, like. He's very nervous character. Yeah, you can hear the anxiety in his voice. Well, it's been a burden on his life, the poor fellow. Honestly, I could think of way worse things, like the other fucking end of the spectrum.

And he does say there's bigger problems in the world. I don't think that's... Not much bigger than him, though. No, but he does say, you know, he admits that. But at the same time, yeah. We're just going to take a quick break from the World Web. We'll be back after this. Welcome back.

Is there such a thing as small dick energy? Yeah, he's got it. I would have small dick energy, I'd say. We need to have a phrase. Is there a medium dick energy? Yeah, yeah. Just to run in the mill? Put you both in there.

Yeah, thank you. Thank you. I was actually just going to go, if you could have a newsworthy body part, what would you go for? Okay, so let's say, let's take that other equation. What would you go? Because you don't, well.

Biggest nose would be quite funny. Yeah, but would you want the biggest nose? No, you wouldn't. I would want the world's nicest eyes. Oh, yeah. That's something nice to be known for. Imagine that, there's the girl world's nicest eyes. Oh, yeah. That's something nice to be known. Nice? That is so lame.

Imagine that, there's the girl with the nice eyes. In what way would they be nice? Well, like gorgeous. Yeah, right. You know, I'd be on covers. Vogue would hire me. The nicest. Well, next we have the lady with the nicest eyes in the world.

She comes on and you're like, eyes shut and you open and you're like, whoa. Well, they say the eyes are the nipples of the world. She comes on and you're like, eyes shut and you open it. Yeah. Wow. Well, they say the eyes are the nipples of the face. That is a real thing. Who says the eyes are the nipples of the face? I swear I didn't make that up. That's a thing people say. Eyes are the nipples.

Oh, it's a song too. There you go. The eyes are the nipples of the face. I guess nice eyes would be, yeah, that'd be nice, wouldn't it? Because when we talk, we look at each other's eyes. Imagine that. Yeah. Yeah, you're right.

I'd never heard that phrase before. There you go. You learn something every day. Okay, so you've gone for the nicest eyes in the world. Yeah. The biggest heart for Ben. Yeah, I feel like, you know, we're going on that. The biggest heart.

Turn this lame very quickly. What about pictorials? Yeah, I feel like, you know, we're going along with the biggest heart. Turn this lame very quickly. What about pectorals? Yeah. That could be fun. There was always a rumour that Peter Andre, who's, well, I'd say dear friend of the show.

Yeah, he's a friend of the show. He is, yeah. Follows us on Instagram, Peter Andre. Peter Andre, mysterious girl. He's originally from Aussie. Spent a lot of time in the UK.

There was rumours that he had pec implants, wasn't there, when he came on? He had gorgeous pecs He had the world's biggest penis He wouldn't be swimming with jeans at the beach No

Well maybe he would Because it sounds like you can't do it in togs Get ejected from hotel rooms Pete Andre was probably a little before your time Wasn't he But you would know of him Who's the biggest celebrity in Australia? Hemsworth?

Oh, yeah. He's up there. Keith Urban, Nicole Kidman. Is Keith Urban very popular? He's huge. Is he? Yeah, my mum loves him. Yeah, he's a New Zealander.

Oh, is he actually? He was born in Whangarei. Oh, I thought he was Aussie. Well, I think he spent a lot of his time. No, most of his time, yeah. It's one of those ones where you're like, who's he with? Do you guys get upset when people that

Are from New Zealand claim to be Aussie? Yeah it's all brother syndrome Like Russell Crowe we've never let that go He's full Kiwi Really? His brother's Martin Crowe who was the New Zealand cricket captain Martin Crowe wasn't he? Cousin

He says he's like a child of the Tasman, I think, as well. Which is a good way of saying, you know, covers itself up. Mate, that's me. I'm a child of the Tasman. I would like to ask you, too, because we get very toey about the pavlova and all these things. Oh, they wouldn't care, would they? Do you care? No, we've got so much other things going on.

Do you care? Does anyone in Australia care about New Zealand? Nah I didn't even know you guys have a pavlova I thought that was Aussie What did you think when you were like Oh god Marcelo's moving to New Zealand I've got to move with him Like honest first thoughts

That's going to be a nice change For me What did you know about New Zealand beforehand? Because that's always the thing I guess the image of New Zealand sometimes is And there is this beautiful countryside and sheep But it's not everywhere Well I thought everywhere looked like Queenstown

So when I landed in Auckland I was very surprised I was like oh it's a city Even when you learn about places like Hawaii Which you imagine the beach is beautiful But then they've got motorways You're like oh all, all that stuff. Of course they do. But you don't even think about that because all you see is before, you know,

is all these beautiful beaches and stuff like that. So you thought it was like Lord of the Rings scenery. And then you turned up to the casino car park on a Tuesday morning. Yeah. That's the real, that's what we really offer. Yeah. It was startling. So, okay, what were your first impressions when you got here?

Did you like it? Nice shit weather yep expensive petrol food's good yeah food's good yeah food's good and expensive supermarkets yeah um the australia is a lot a lot of people from new zealand going i can see the other way right you know better wages you know cheaper it is cheaper when you go over there to the supermarket as well. So much cheaper. Yeah. And I didn't think, I was like, oh, people are so dramatic. And until I did my groceries here, I said, Jesus Christ.

Yeah. Did you say it in an Aussie accent too? Jesus Christ. Yeah, that's, okay, what would, what was I going to say? Oh, would you move back home? Are you planning on, are you planning Oh, would you move back home? Are you planning on... Would you... Okay.

Okay. All's well is ended. Yes, 10 years. Fast forward 10 years. 10 years. Okay, so I'll be 37. Are you still living in New Zealand? Are you still here?

Oh, probably not. Because I imagine Marcello's career will be over by then. What? So he's only here. You're only here because of the fucking Warriors. What? What are we? What would it be to me?

Chopped liver? You're right, you're right. Because when Marcelo signed with the Warriors, I said, so funny, because there's these two guys in New Zealand I've been dying to work for, Jono and Ben. Great. Great version of Hamish and Andy. And we don't continue working for us, with us okay lovely yeah we're not like Australian radio host mate you don't work for us part of the team Taylor love it no that's that's

trying to find the top Australian celebrities as well we're talking yeah the whole Kidman comes up a lot the Wiggles obviously who's the most loved Oh love Stewart Is he loved Or is he just kind of He's like a A meme Pop culture meme Yeah He's kind of like an icon In a way

Yeah Crocodile Dundee I remember watching that As a kid as well People love him He's hilarious I felt like Shane Warne Was loved

He was He was like an Aussie lad That was you know Amazing cricketer But also just would love Smoking and drinking booze And stuff Yeah

He was who he was, right? Yeah. He kind of summed up the Australian for me. Shane Ward. Mm. Didn't he? And Kath and Kim. Kath and Kim.

They're iconic. Are they? Sophie Monk, she's iconic. Margot Robbie as well. Of course. She's probably the most famous. Quite a lot of great celebrities, right? It's my name in that list.

Well, that's in the top 10. I mean, you might have just been outside the top 10. Is a tall john farnham oh yeah you're the voice yeah uh is there a tall poppy problem in australia yes is there yes because we always say it's a new zealand thing but i think it's just a thing it's just a country thing yeah people don't like you until you make it in another country and then they claim you right Really? Right, but what about like as far as being, like do you want to succeed when you're in Australia? Because sometimes people, you know, when you succeed here in New Zealand,

sometimes people chop you down. Yeah, try and hate on you and I know that person. Yeah, that's definitely an Aussie thing as well. Okay, gotcha. For sure. I feel like we as a nation, and this is probably the same across the Tasman as well, you'll love someone as they're coming up.

Yeah. And when they reach the top, you love them for a period there. And then all of a sudden, for whatever reason, we do not love them. And their success. We get sick of their success. Does that happen over and over again? Yeah. Fine line between humble and wanker.

Okay. Name one. This is like turned into Australian thing. Name one Australian celebrity that you've met that you would. That I've met. Yeah. That we'd go, wow. Oh that you've met. That I've met? Yeah. That we'd go, wow, you've met them. God.

Let's see that I've met. Well, think back to my radio jobs. Todd Carney? NRL legend? Yeah, I met him. Well, you would have met a lot of the NRL players. Yeah. Yeah.

But you probably don't consider them Because they're probably just friends Wally Lewis You met Wally Lewis Yeah I worked with him I worked with him You worked with Wendell Saylor One of my best mates

Is he Yes Came to my wedding Was the main character of my wedding Main character of the wedding League legions Okay that's league legions Yeah So you could call Wendell sailor right now I could yeah yeah is he does

he text you and say hey how's he doing he's also got a sausage dog like me so we we talk about that a lot big dick energy small dick energy was he running he actually invented big dick energy that guy and he'll say that himself he seems like everything I say he's a very hard case that's radio in Australia obviously yeah he's killing it

he's not triple A did you produce his show I did and that's how you guys became good mates yeah does he give Marcelo tips or feedback

yeah he always says to Marcelo you know you've got to be more confident off the field mate you've got to yeah off the field

he was very confident Wendell Saylor, wasn't he? Yeah, oozes it, mate. BDE. BDE. And the other one was Anthony Mundine. Oh, yeah. He had a lot of confidence.

Oh, the boxer? Yeah. He played league. Maybe sports. He's wearing a Tim Zoo. Who? The boxer. He's, like, huge at the moment in Aussie.

Tim Zoo, Costa Zoo's son. Oh. No? No, you're just naming people. Lost you there. No, we lost him. Rhys Walsh. Tim Zoo, Costa Zoo's son. Oh. No, okay. No, you're just naming people. Lost you there. No, we lost him. Rhys Walsh. Oh, Rhys Walsh.

Oh, you know Rhys Walsh. Yeah, well, he played with Marcella at the Warriors. Oh, yeah, of course. Yeah, forget about that, don't you? Yeah, yeah. Oh, well, that's... Now, I had a really good Australia question. What was it?

Oh, I've lost it now. I've lost it. It was... It turned into an Australia interview. We can... Yeah. What was that? Oh, I can't even remember. I've lost it. It was, it turned into an Australia interview. We can, we can, yeah. What was that?

Oh, I can't even remember. I can't remember. Oh, that was it. One place in Australia that every New Zealander should visit. Oh,

great question. Cronulla. Oh, that's where you're from. The hometown. Yeah, up, up,

2230. Yeah. It'd be worth it. Is it beautiful, Cronulla? Oh, yeah. I don't want to go somewhere like that. You've got to go to the Westfield Mall.

Okay, so you've got a weekend in Australia. All I can do in Australia is I've only got time to go to one place. I'm going to go to Cronulla. I'm not going to the Blue Mountains. I'm not going to the Great Barrier Reef. What about the Whitsundays and all that sort of stuff? I mean, if you're into that gimmicky tourism stuff Sure

What's in Cronulla What's on offer in Cronulla Yobbos Bogans Yobbos Waves Yeah but Riots occasionally

Okay you're not Okay Is it quite bogany Yeah Are you paranoid at all Living in Australia That there's There's stuff

Always going to kill you No Snakes Spiders Shit like that And I didn't realise You guys perceived the Australian wildlife like that until I moved away. Like my cousin lives just out of,

they live into Ballooli or something just out of Brisbane. Right, yep. And they've got like a downstairs too, sorry, a downstairs that goes out to a bush and they call the downstairs room the snake pit because snakes end up in there all the time. What, in their house? Yeah, we'll just

find a snake every now and again we'll come in off the trees and they're like hey you can stay anytime you want in the snake pit

that sounds fun oh yeah you know they're lovely they're lovely people with the world's largest penis yeah yeah

that's what he calls his pants the snake pit and we've come full circle lovely but I'm like that would petrify me going downstairs and knowing there could be snakes in this room That's what he calls his pants. A snake. And we've come full circle. Lovely. But I'm like, that would petrify me, going downstairs to know there could be snakes in this room at any stage.

You don't really worry about it right when you leave there. Like, I was feeding a possum for months as well. I just liked it. I was fed it carrots every night. So it would hang out. That was dangerous. Rabies and that. Spiders are massive, too. What about crocodiles if you go swimming in rivers?

Yeah, you'll definitely come across one. So you wouldn't. You wouldn't swim in a river? No, I would never because of that. Yeah, right. And I imagine certain places you wouldn't swim, right? Yeah, like in the Northern Territory. Darwin or something.

Yeah, you cannot swim. And they come from nowhere. You won't even see them and then suddenly dead. Here we go. I suppose if they're always around the whole time't even see them and then suddenly dead. There we go. Yeah, I suppose if they're always around the whole time, you're probably getting used to your surroundings. You know what scares the shit out of me? Those wetters.

Oh, yeah. See, they're harmless. Yeah, but they look scary. Yeah, they do. Yeah. We've had a cricket issue as well in our house at the moment, actually. Have you heard like a massive spider in Australia? Yeah, huntsman, huge huntsman. in your house yeah gorgeous gorgeous even um at soccer growing up

my brother was playing a game of soccer and i was going like that with the flagpole like pushing it moving up and down and this huge spider fell on my head and i just ran screaming and i had to call the game off for a bit because i like like what the fuck is this little girl doing? I was crying there was like a bloody tarantula on my head. Was it? Yeah it was huge. We just had like that little lizard in the office before. I opened up the door before there was a little skink lizard and I kind of went oh there's a lizard didn't I don't know what I was meant to do and then Grace, producer Grace she came along picked it up straight away and I was like, oh, she's great. Put it outside.

I wanted it as a pet. I feel like they're new to, newest to New Zealand. Yeah, you don't see many of them, right? We have heaps of those in Oz. And I don't know how it got inside. I brought it. Security, it's got to come all the way through.

Security all the way in, but it's done well to get all the way through a couple of doors, creepy doors as well. Well done, Lizzie. Well, thanks for coming in today, Taylor. Thank you. Megan's been out

and hopefully back on tomorrow. And this has been the Wild Wild Web.