Jono, Ben & Megan - The Podcast - You won't believe what the dog bit off!

Episode Date: March 5, 2024

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Welcome to the untamed realm of the world's wide web, a swirling vortex of weirdness, bullying and self-obsessed social media posts. In this digital jungle, Jono and Vienna are your fearless guides, leading you through the wildest parts of the wild, wild web. This is the wild, wild web. We've got some wild, wild stories for you today. I've got two wild stories. Now, Megan, you've decided that we need to keep these together

because they're kind of, there's a theme going. They're related. They're related. Okay, so can I ask a question? Who's listening to the Wild Wild Web? We'd love some correspondence. Yeah, and send us through some wild stories. Have we got one listener?

I'm sure we have. Yeah. How many listeners do you think? My dad listened, but it's because he was accidentally looking for the show one. Oh, and he stumbled across the Wild Web. One, accidental at least. Okay. So, Mr. Sellers?

Yeah. Thank you, Mr. Sellers. I enjoy doing it. We get to look at something that we've found on the internet that's wild. And as I say before, I've got two wild stories that relate in a way to each other. The first one, here we go. I'm going to start with this one. This is the headline, actual headline.

Pet dog bites off and eats owner's penis in home horror. That is a horror. That is a horror. So a man was rushed to hospital. His pet dog, about the size of a Jack Russell Terrier, bit off his penis and ate it. Neighbours of the man who lives in Germany alerted police after they heard the pet dog's incessant barking coming from his home at 2am. Responders arrived.

They could hear loud groans coming from the man's home. Broke the door down. Found the man writhing in pain alongside his barking dog. He's rushed to hospital and the penis has not been located. They think the dog has eaten part of his penis. Two things, two things stayed out to me out of this. Why was his pants down around his dog? Yeah.

Second of all, this happened at 2 a.m. What is he doing with his pants down at 2am around his dog? Some people sleep naked He was asleep Jack Russell hops on the bed He's like, that looks like a sausage from the butcher Germany, did you say? A worst?

Might be a worst sausage? Yeah, they love their sausages in Germany, don't they? The dogs A wiener? Yeah, well he ate the wiener, didn't he? You think there's two things, right? Either it's some sort of sexual thing that is a little bit dodgy, gone horribly wrong,

or it's just a pure mistake from the dog. He was sleeping in bed. He was running to the bathroom. The dog went, oh, that's enticing. I'll grab that. You hope it's the latter, but everyone's going to think it's the first one, aren't they? Probably for the poor guy.

And the dog probably gobbled it up. You know, the sausage dog ate the sausage. Okay, you've got to pick. This is life or death. You have to pick one animal that you have to stick your penis in. Well, okay. I'll come back to that. I thought it was going to be like, would you rather have no penis or not where I thought you were going?

But can I give you the second story and see maybe if it might help you between the two? These are some options. Okay. So the second story that relates answer that. But can I give you the second story and see maybe if it might help you between the two. These are some options. Okay. So the second story that relates to that, and I was going to do it as another one, but old Megan over there is like, ah, it relates to it. And it does. No, they're the same.

The headline is, Scorpion stings man in his testicles while he slept in a Las Vegas hotel. So would you rather be stung by a scorpion on your testicles? No, this battler, this battler, California man, stung by a scorpion. He was sleeping in his bed. So there you go. So he was sleeping. No sex act, according to him.

Felt like some stabbing pain in my private area, he said. It felt like a sharp glass or a knife. He went to the restroom and saw a scorpion hanging out of my underwear. Oh, man. So there we go. There's your options. Would you rather have a scorpio, scorp of my underwear. Oh, man. So there we go. There's your options. Would you rather have a Scorpio, Scorpion? Scorpio could be a star sign.

Well, you'd say Scorpion because you've still got your bullies. You can recover. You obviously have some immense pain. Your penis hasn't gone missing. Your penis is gone. What was left for that guy? I don't know, I don't know if there's photographic evidence That's devastating for him

Unless he was doing some sort of weird thing And you're like, well mate What did you expect to happen? You guys do some weird things with them We do, we do Okay, you've got a shark You have a shark You have a rabid, like underground

Sort of cage fighting pit bull. Okay. Or you've got a sucker fish. Where are you putting your penis? Say it. The pit bull. My name's Ben Boyce and I would prefer. You get the option. Not that I want to like, you know. Say it. Pitbull No My name's Ben Boyce And I would prefer Yeah Well yeah

The option Not that I wanna Like you know Say it It's a sucker fish I mean we all know it We all know we're like Have the option

You know I mean there's a lot of curiosity For a lot of people too I imagine you're like What you're a what A sucker fish Well hey If you want a concedual

All concedual Then how would you like to... You've asked a sucker fish for consensual. Would you mind? This is a life or death situation for you. Yeah.

And you're like, well, the sucker fish is like, hey, I'm a sucker fish. This is what I do. That's fine. Chuck anything in there and old buddy, that's my job.

That's why I'm on this earth. That's what I do. Yeah, I think a sucker fish would be the option. The other two aren't as appealing. A rabies-laden pit bull. And a shark. A shark.

You've still got to ask. A shark's old age lost all its teeth. A gummy shark. Gummy shark. Grandpa shark. Gummy shark. You'd probably still go get a sucker fish Because you know what you're getting in for

Yeah You know the results Years of experience with the sucker fish So yeah Again we've taken a trip Well I guess I knew where we were going The headlines Have you been bitten by anything crazy?

Like a scorpion or something Well my friend got He was We can tell these sort of This feels like a really not safe for radio podcast, isn't it? We're definitely doing one of those. Yeah. But he was in, you know, having romantic adult time with a partner

and didn't realize that their kitten like saw some dangly bits and latched on to the. His balls. Yeah. It's a podcast. And yeah, they said that was very painful where the claws kind of got stuck in there and it to kind of get the kitten I'll be tempted for the kitten though I can't compete with that no he's gonna shut the pits out yeah you know cuz either they're gonna attack you or they're looking at you like you guys are disgusting yeah yeah uh well free robert who i worked with for many years three white tail

spider bites three hospitalizations yeah he blew up yeah like but like the michelin man yeah from uh yeah i know i haven't been bitten by anything into that crazy no i don't think so i try to save a duck like a duckling that was quite traumatic because i was uh we used to live no one next to the school and uh i was walking through the school in the diving pool uh i'd been drained except for a little bit of like obviously water from the rain and there was like i just hear this little quiet sorry quacking and i was like that's kind of weird and i looked down and this poor little baby duck was swimming around in there. And I was like, well, I'll climb down.

I'll be a hero. I'll get the duck out. So he had to climb down and get it out because it's quite deep, those diving pools. Got it out. I sort of wrapped it. I was like, well, I'll take my T-shirt off, wrap it in my T-shirt,

and then try and find the mum. Walked around to where a creek was by the school and saw a mum. Then the duck must have seen its mum and just quacked and then the mum just flew at me ferocious towards me i've got a hell of a fright to take it's just thrown to the ground and run it off and i was trying to do a heroic thing but just look like a real you know wimp uh is the duck charge very traumatic yeah did you get bitten no i didn't get bitten but

jesus was flying at me fast yeah when animals come at you you don't know what to do you make that noise yeah an unhuman-like scream. I don't think I came. I made my sister go back and see if she'd get my T-shirt later because it was still on the ground there. It was a new T-shirt too, wasn't it? I think it was a new T-shirt. So I was like, I really want that T-shirt back,

but I'm scared of the duck. So I'll send my sister in. Ducking, terrifying. I think I left it. But I haven't been bitten by anything too outlandish. No. No. I was just thinking I saw a duckling get eaten by an eel once.

Oh, I'm sorry? A duckling eaten by an eel. You know how they have like 12 ducklings and they probably only get one that actually survives the whole thing to adulthood? Right. Was that Western Springs? You know how they have all those eels? There's a lot of eels in there.

Yeah, Western Springs and Auckland. And I saw one get eaten by an eel. Well, to loop back around to what you started with, eels. Do you know if they latch on to that part of the human body, which has happened on many occasions, people in the rivers, they latch on, death roll. Death roll it off you. Like twist it around.

Like do the unscrewing of it. Like how you twist an apple stick till it breaks off. That would be your pee pee. That's apparently what the eels do. They're not a sucker fish. Ben's over the other side of the lake and he's a sucker fish.

What's going on over there, mate? I opted for the eel. Bad choice, bad choice. There you go. That's another episode of the Wild Wild Web. Who knows how much longer we'll get to do these. Apologies if you stumbled across this

and you're expecting more of the stuff, the family-friendly stuff we do in the mornings. Well, that's on the other podcast. You can check that out as well.